Anyways, back to these assholes. Sonic ran through the city looking for crime. He saw a young boy stealing a lollipop. Sonic ran so fast that the child was atomized just by being in close proximity to the pure power. Sonic had stopped his first crime. He saw a cat robbing a shark for his purse and he leapt into action. He launched lightning out of his fists, which struck both the shark and the cat. "Please, I need to feed my family! The shark guy is a big business guy, he doesn't need this money, he'll just get more!" begged the cat.
"Yeah, you know what? You're a criminal and he built the system that failed you, so NEITHER OF YOU DESERVE THIS! It's mine now." said Sonic, walking away. He stuffed the money in his pocket and continued speeding down the highway, slaughtering every criminal in his sight.
"HEY YOUNG MAN, STOP THAT! DON'T MAKE ME GO OVER THERE AND KISS YOU!" yelled a deep voice from the sidewalk. Sonic turned around and saw Mr Jaw, the crusty ass bulldog from the war on angel island. "Mr Jaw? I thought you died on Angel Island." said Sonic as Mr Jaw walked up to him. Mr Jaw put his hands on Sonic's shoulder and put a finger to his lip. "Shhhhhhh. Now listen. I be poppin bottles. Sparkles and champagne." said Mr Jaw, seductively.
Sonic, however, was not seduced, he wanted this crusty old man to stop talking to him romantically. He turned to run away but Mr Jaw's massive hands gripped his shoulders and lifted him off the ground. "VIP my section, royalty looking sexy, you know that be my bae." he said aggressively as he squeezed down on Sonic's arms. Sonic felt his shoulders begin to crack as the huge sausage banana fingers squeezed down. Mr Jaw licked his lips and prepared to consume Sonic whole. "Cocky want boing boing!" giggled Mr Jaw as he prepared to swallow Sonic. Sonic screamed in terror when suddenly another voice yelled out.
"Stop! Leave that man alone!" yelled the voice as a sledgehammer violently slammed into Mr Jaw's face. The person holding the hammer was a pink female hedgehog in a red dress or whatever. Anyways, Mr Jaw fell to the ground in a pool of blood as his teeth splattered onto the floor. He tried to get up as the hammer wielding hedgehog slammed the hammer down onto his head again. Mr Jaw whimpered like a bitch as he tried to collect his teeth from the floor. Sonic stood up as blue lightning began to spark from his arms.
"Are you alright sir?" asked the pink hedgehog. "One second miss," said Sonic, winding up his hand. He punched Mr Jaw in the chest, the speed so fast that his hand phased through. Mr Jaw's eyes began glowing blue as he stepped back. Sonic pulled his blood soaked hand out as Mr Jaw stumbled into the street, shaking and seizing up. "W-w-w-w-what did you do to me!" yelled Mr Jaw as he stumbled around. "Please, Sonic, tell me, is it pink?" suddenly a car sped through, exploding Mr Jaw's legs. Mr Jaw fell to the ground as the blue energy continued to surge through his veins.
"PLEASE SONIC, I HAVE TO KNOW! IS IT BUBBLEGUM P-" suddenly Mr Jaw violently exploded, his blood splattering all over the surrounding neighborhood. The pink hedgehog watched people slip and slide on the bubbling remains as Sonic turned towards her. "Thanks for helping me beat that guy! What's your name?" asked Sonic.
"Uh, I'm Amy, who are you, terrifying blue man who can explode people?" Sonic did a shit eating thumbs up with his stupid fucking corny ass bitch face I FUCKING HATE HIM! "The name's Sonic! Sonic the Hedgehog! I'm the new local violent vigilante- I mean superhero!"
Amy turned to look at the huge pool of blood that coated the city block. "Uh, cool… so… are you gonna help clean up this mess?" She turned back around and Sonic had already run away. "Dick." muttered Amy as a car skidded on the blood, crashing into an orphanage, killing every orphan inside.
Sonic ran back to the abandoned building after wiping the blood off his shirt. He sat down in a puddle as Tails was hard at work on some gadget. "What's that?" asked Sonic. "I made a gadget to help you out, Sonic." said Tails, turning around revealing a pipe-like device. "It's a pipe bomb." said Tails, handing it to Sonic.
"A pipe bomb? So I can throw this at people?" "Yeah, that's the idea. You use your electric sparkle thingy to light it and throw it at anyone who tries to attack you. Wanna test it out?"
Jim Ohfuckthisguymightbecomeabadguy the jackal was walking down the street, in a great mood. He had just gotten a big promotion, he had just won the lottery, and tonight he was going to ask his girlfriend to marry him. Yep, things were looking up for good old Jim. After living such a lonely soul crushing miserable life, he had finally found happiness. He decided to take a shortcut through an alleyway. As he entered the alleyway, he saw a strange silver object falling towards him. It landed in his hand. He turned it over to see it sparkling like one of those birthday candles that sparkles. Sparklers, I think they're called. Invented in the 670s by Callinicos of Heliopolis. Pretty fitting name huh? They were originally used to- OH FUCK JIM'S FACE FUCKING EXPLODED. Jim was distracted by the monologue on sparkler candles, and his face got fucking exploded by the device.
He fell to his knees, as charred flesh fell off his face. With his broken fingers, he grabbed at his face, feeling only crispy fried jackal flesh and bone. He tried screaming, but his entire body was so fucked up that only blood came pouring out of the mangaled hole that was once a mask. He fell over into the puddle of blood, gasping for air.
Sonic and Tails stood on a rooftop, seeing the huge explosion. "Wow, that explosion was huge! How many more of these did you make, Tails?" asked Sonic, turning towards Tails. "Sonic… I think there was a guy in there." "No, no there wasn't, besides, if anyone saw a pipe bomb coming at them they'd evacuate the alleyway. Well, unless there was a monologue about the origin of sparkler candles. I'm sure it's all fine. Now come on, let's get out of here."
Jim used his one working arm to try to crawl out of the steaming blood crater. He saw Sonic and Tails away from the scene. He furrowed his brow- okay that's a life his entire forehead and his eyelids were completely gone. But anyways, he's evil now.
Sonic and Tails walked down the street, when suddenly they saw a white bee-like robot flying through the air. "What the fuck is that?" asked Sonic. The drone flew off into the distance. Sonic grabbed Tails, putting him under his arm, dashing off towards the drone. Sonic kept running, following the drone out of the city to a deep part of the jungle. There was a rusty white capsule embedded in the rock, its doors barely sticking out. The drone hovered outside as Sonic and Tails looked at the door. "What do you think it is, college boy?" asked Sonic, nudging Tails with his elbow. "I'm not sure… maybe some kind of spaceship…" Tails tried pulling on the door, but it was rusted shut. "We're gonna have to blow this thing open." said Tails, pulling out a pipe bomb. He placed it against the door and him and Sonic backed away as it exploded, leaving a hole where the door once was.
The two douchebags walked through the door to see a large glowing tube on the floor. Light pulsated from the tube as Sonic and Tails looked at it. Suddenly, steam rose from the tube as it slid open. A gross obese old man with a big mustache and bigger feet arose. He was stinky and hairy everywhere except for his gross bald head. His eyes were pitch black, the only color being his growing red irises. He looked like a bitch. He was wearing nothing but white underwear with brown stains of all different shades. He scratched his nuts as he sniffed around the room. "Computer, give me an analysis." he said, putting his hands in his underwear.
Sonic and Tails stared at the ugly fuck as he stood up. "What the fuck is that?" asked Tails. Sonic turned towards Tails. "Can he see us?" "WHO SAID THAT?" screamed the gross man. He swatted his hands around the room as he searched for the voices. "Why can't I see?" he asked his ship. "You were in hyper sleep 5324 years longer than intended, your eyes have corroded."
Suddenly a pair of robot arms came down from the ceiling, putting a pair of black goggles on the fat bitch's face. He looked down at Sonic and Tails, startled. "Woah! It can't be! Specimen 2318008 was a success?" he asked, confusing Sonic and Tails. "Huh?" asked Tails, as the fat man's hand grabbed his shoulder. "Nothing, my dear boy. Wow, it's great to see it all worked out! And it's great to see how cute you are…" said the fat man, fiddling with his chest hairs. "Who the fuck are you? In fact, what the fuck are you?" asked Sonic. "My name is Dr Ivo Robotnik, and YOU must be my new cuddle buddy." said the mustached fuck, still playing with his chest hair. "Uh, I think I'll pass." said Sonic as Robotnik stepped closer and closer. "You look MAD juicy right now, little man." said Robotnik, licking his lips. "Ew! No! Get away from me!" yelled Sonic, reaching towards the pipe bomb in his bag. "You wanna know what they called me in college? They called me Eggman, because I could fit 33 eggs in my mouth at a time. Wanna know what else I can fit in my mouth?" asked Robotnik, opening his jaws. Sonic tossed the pipe bomb Robotnik's way, Robotnik deflecting it with his body fat. Sonic grabbed Tails' arm and dashed away. "Come on, homo!" said Sonic, dragging Tails out of the ship.
"What was that thing?" asked Tails, staring back at the ship as they continued their escape. "I don't know. Some sort of big gay monster that wants to fuck us!" Suddenly, an army of evil robots bursts from the ship, giving chase to Sonic and Tails. Tails kept desperately throwing pipe bombs at the robotic army. "Fuck, I'm gay!" yelled Eggman emerging from the ship.
Sonic and Tails got into the city during the insect day parade. "Guys, there's a big gay alien trying to have sex with everything!" yelled Sonic, trying to warn the people. A turtle wasn't having it. "Shut the fuck up!" he yelled. Suddenly a laser blast came down, blowing him to pieces. Eggman walked into the city piloting a large red mech with a huge cannon strapped to its arm. "FUCK YOU, STUPID KID!" he said, aiming the cannon at a gazelle toddler. Sonic dashed in, scooping up the child to stop the blast from hitting the child. Eggman was about to step on a chili dog on the floor. "NO!" screamed Sonic, dashing down to save the chili dog, dropping the child in its place. The child screamed as the large metal food pressed down, with a squish and a crunch, absolutely pulverizing the child.
The mayor and his family were sitting on a parade float shaped like a praying mantis' gooch. The mayor stood up, wearing a praying mantis costume and pulled out a pistol. "Fuck you, spaceman!" he said, firing upon Eggman's mech. Most of the bullets bounced off, hitting civilians. "Fool! Get a better aim! Like this!" said Eggman, pointing his cannon. He fired a plasma blast, which went towards the mayor.
"MAYOR ACORN, NO!" yelled Sonic, running towards the mayor, when suddenly, the racist bull guy jumped in the way of the bullet. "ARGH!" yelled the bull as it ripped through his chest, lighting him on fire. "Bullshit, no!" cried Sally, watching her beloved bodyguard/butler die. "At least… I could save your father." he said, looking up at the mayor. The mayor, tears in his eyes, nodded. "And save me you d-" A second plasma shot fired, hitting the mayor, ripping him in half and setting both halves on fire.
"No!" yelled Sonic. He turned around to battle the Eggman. He leapt onto the large metallic cannon and spin dashed through it, blowing up the arm. He leapt onto the top and pimp slapped Eggman. He ripped Eggman out of the cockpit, beating the life out of him. Eggman's hand grabbed Sonic's throat. Sonic struggled as Eggman pressed him against the side of the cockpit. "Me and you n- AAAAAAAAAAA!" screamed Eggman as a wave of electricity shot through his balls. Eggman's hand began to burn off from directly touching Sonic's throat as he fell out of the cockpit of the robot, because he's a fucking bum who can't wear a seatbelt to save his life, mostly because he refuses too but also because he's just a fat fuck and no seatbelt would wrap around him. As Eggman hit the ground, shattering his ankles, Tails stole a dead cop's handcuffs, handcuffing Eggman's dick to his leg. That might seem like idiotic humor for no reason, but come on, why don't YOU try to get out of the leg dick trap?
Sonic ran over to Mayor Acorn, shoving Mrs Acorn- wait do mayor's spouses have their own title? Like for the president it's the first lady/gentleman. Let me check it out real quick… After googling it, it's just "first lady/gentleman." It's the same thing. That's kinda lame, not gonna lie.
Anyways, the fucking fIrSt lAdY got shoved out of the way by Sonic, who kneeled down next to the charred mayor. "Mr Mayor, you're gonna be okay." said Sonic. "Sonic… you're like the son I never had… I love you more than I love any of my stupid kids." whimpered the dying mayor. "I don't know you, dude." said Sonic, standing up, still looking down at the mayor. "Sonic… kiss me… come over here… and kiss me on my hot mouth…" said the mayor, his one working eye looking at the blue gumball son of a bitch. "No, I think I'll pass." said Sonic, crossing his arms in discomfort. "I give you my blessing to fuck my daughter. Before today I hated hedgehogs for being the inferior race but you've made me realize that… you're one of the tolerable ones." said the dying chipmunk. "I was planning on it. Look, you seem to be in a lot of pain, do you want me to just kill you?" "Nah, I need you to promise me to protect my daughter now that she's the new mayor." said the mayor, spitting out blood. "She's not the mayor. That's now how mayors are chosen." said Sonic. "Still, you must protect her. And if she has a boyfriend, make sure it's either a full blooded blue eyed chipmunk or you. No other non chipmunks." said the mayor as Sonic said "I really don't care. Are you dead yet?" "Well, can you at least put out the fire?" asked the mayor. "Nah, it's been a long day, I gotta leave."
Eggman was carted off to prison, his obese sweaty ass having to be dragged by 3 helicopters with chains meant to pull cruise ships. Once they got him in a cell, reporters and politicians from all over the planet came around to see the fatass alien. But everytime they asked him a question, he replied with one of his own. "Can you slob on it with expired mayonnaise?"
Tails sat down in his puddle watching the news on a TV he stole during the chaos of Insect Day/. "In other reports, the funeral of the Mayor is going to be held in 3 days, when the body is nice and rotted. It will be followed up by the violent execution of the villainous Dr Robotnik, with special appearances by Kanye East, Justin Beaver, and Seth." said the giraffe reporting on the scene.
"Ooh, that sounds like a fun watch! What do you say, Sonic, me and you watching it on Sunday?" said Tails, turning towards Sonic. "No, I'm gonna be at the funeral. Because that senile old man wanted me there. I guess they REALLY hated that Alvin guy. You wanna come with me?" asked Sonic, tapping his foot. "Oh hell yeah, I always wondered what rich people's funerals look like. I always assumed they ate each other when they died honestly."
Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. Due to the lack of walls, Sonic and Tails could see the police officer behind the door, which was propped up with a stack of physics books. "Can we help you, officer?" asked Sonic. "Robotnik wants to meet with you guys."said the officer, who was, oh I don't know, a fucking turtle or something, I make up these species as I go, who cares, we're never gonna see this douchebag again.
Sonic and Tails stood outside the titanium door, marked "Evil Bad Guy here, pls be careful." The door slid open, revealing a large glass cell where Eggman was lying on the metal floor. The cell sat over a vat of stomach acids, donated by the orphanage. Eggman wore an orange prison jumpsuit and his goggles, because his eyes were so ugly that the guards let him keep them. Eggman grinned, sitting up to look at Sonic and Tails, licking his lips. As he stood up, the metal creaked and groaned from Eggman's weight.
"What do you want, Robotnik?" asked Tails, crossing his arms. "I want to deep fry you and eat you, but instead I guess I'll tell you and Sonic a story." said Eggman, showing off the charred stub that was once a hand. "Damn, I fucked up your hand, didn't I?" said Sonic, wincing at the mangled mess.
"Once upon a time, there was a lonely man. He was lonely because he was ugly, obese, violent, rude, racist, homophobic, sexist, xenophobic, genocidal, abusive- oh, you get the picture. On lonely nights, he would bring out his only friend, his hand. Him and his hand had so many good memories, playboy, the hub, and that skibidi toilet show… oh how he and his hand adored that skibidi toilet show." shuddered Eggman, staring at the burnt nub. "One day, the man got into some shenanigans and ended up stuck in the future, surrounded by disgusting freaks of science who existed because of his grandfather's mistakes. And then, one of these freaks burnt off the man's best friend, AND SHOCK HIS FUCKING NUTS!" yelled Eggman, violently banging on the glass.
"Boo hoo, I cut off your wanking hand, uh, maybe don't go around killing people?" said Sonic, tapping his foot. Eggman sneered. "No. I love killing innocent people. I'm the biggest hater, hedgehog. I'm going to destroy your entire world for what you've done to me. You took away my ability to touch myself, now I will ruin your life. This isn't my first time being on death row, ya see. When I get out of here, and make no mistake, I will get out of here, I'm gonna t-" Sonic rolled his eyes. "BLAH BLAH BLAH! Okay, shut the fuck up!" Tails groaned. "Do you ever stop talking? Ugh, can't they just execute you NOW?"
Eggman stared at the hedgehog and fox for a solid 20 seconds. Then he opened his mouth as wide as possible. "AAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" wailed Eggman, his crusty yellow teeth flashing our heroes.
Eggman had spent his entire life being a professional hater, having no principle besides making other people unhappy. He hated everyone and everything, he hated all species, he hated all races, he hated everyone from every country, he hated all sides of every conflict. He was never a positive light on anyone's life, and that was 100% his goal in life. He had no friends, and if he wasn't your enemy, he'd make sure to make you hate him within the hour. He took pride in hating everyone from everywhere, but now things were different. Seeing this hedgehog, the one who took his hand, the one who mocked him, the one who got him thrown in prison mere minutes after waking up from a million year nap, Eggman was PISSED. He felt true hatred for the first time, not a lust to ruin someone's day, but a burning thirst to make this specific individual suffer. He wanted to rip apart Sonic's reality and watch as he drifted off into madness. The doctor, who usually took pride in keeping his cool when confronting his enemies, had felt true vulnerable hate. All Eggman wanted was to make sure to pour all his hatred into this one fucking douchebag. The tapping of his feet, the rolling of his eyes, the crossing of his arms, it pissed Eggman off so much. Sonic had to suffer, and Eggman had found the goal to further his entire existence: fuck with Sonic the Hedgehog.
Suddenly the turtle guy from earlier pressed a button. Okay, I lied, the turtle guy came back, big whoop. But it's not like it's a particularly important character anyways. We'll probably never see him again, and if we do, it probably won't be important. Hell, I could write this guy in as a major player and the fact that I randomly chose him to be a turtle wouldn't matter. Unless he has a character arc about how much he hates not being slow and being a fucking turtle, then boo fucking hoo I guess this perfectly logical story falls apart. Who cares, maybe this guy isn't even an actual cop, maybe he's just some dude who snuck into the police headquarters and took a uniform. Anyways, he pressed a button, violently zapping Eggman. Eggman didn't move, he kept staring at Sonic and Tails, screaming out. He was completely speechless, blinded by pure unstable rage."I think we're gonna go now, see you later, turtle guy." said Tails, waving at the turtle. "Come visit again soon, fox guy." said the turtle.
3 weeks later, Mayor Acorn's corpse was rotted into a disgusting smelly mess of bubbling flesh and bone. His family gathered around the casket as the funeral began. The citizens of Station Square came down the streets holding hands. "I see the people have come to show their respects to their mayor." said Paul Funeral, the inventor of funerals. A tanooki stepped forward, raising his hand. "This song is a gift from us, the people of Station Square, dedicated to our late mayor, Maxwell Acorn. May he burn in hell." he said, stepping back into the crowd. The piano started playing a lively tune as the citizens began to sing together. "DING DONG THE WITCH IS DEAD! WHICH OLD WITCH? THE WICKED WITCH! DING DONG THE WICKED WITCH IS DEAD!"
Even Boomquifa, the actual Bog Witch, had shown up to mock the dead mayor by singing this song which is offensive to people of her profession. "LET THEM KNOW THE WICKED WITCH IS DEAD!" she screeched along with the people, vomit bubbling from her mouth.
Sonic walked into the room, wearing his bright red sneakers, a pair of blue jeans, and a black hoodie with the words "I'm 50% funny and 60% bad at math." "Oh, uh, was I not supposed to be in here yet?" "No, not really no." said Alicia, the fIrSt LaDy. "Well, since I'm here, I might as well sit down already." said Sonic, sitting in the front row. "Uh, sir, only the family is supposed to be in the front row." said Paul Funeral. "No, no, it's okay. Max considered him family for killing our nephew, and we also just so fucking terrified of what a super powered person can do if we upset him, so we're just gonna give him what he wants."
"What's that smell?" asked Sally, looking at Sonic. "Uh, Sal, can I call you Sal, that's your dad's rotting corpse." "No, not that, I mean the other smell. Dude, did you shower in the last few days?" said Sally, trying not to puke from the green gas coming from Sonic. "Listen, princess. My place has no running water. Unless it does, I haven't checked yet. Anyways, what does it matter? I got a whole little ecosystem on me!" said Sonic, showing off the various new insect species that had evolved on his arm in the last 3 weeks.
"Um… yeah, that's… very nice." said Sally, staring down at the scientific advancements crawling all over Sonic's arms. "DING DONG THE WITCH IS DEAD!" sang Tails, walking in wearing a t-shirt that said "FUCK MAXWELL ACORN," with a cute little doodle of Mayor Acorn being fried to death by Eggman's laser. "Who's letting these people in here?" asked Alicia. "I thought this was the bathroom," said Tails.
"FUCK YO FUNERAL, BITCH! KILL THE FAT MOTHERFUCKER!" yelled a random voice from the crowd. "YEAH, FUCK THAT OLD ASS MAN!" yelled another. "KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL!" chanted the crowd.
Alicia turned towards Paul Funeral. "Just call off the funeral, we're gonna start eating early." she said, ripping off Max's rotting arm and taking a bite of it. "Mom, what are you doing?!" asked Sally, horrified. "We're rich, dear. Rich people eat each other." she said, taking another bite of rotting flesh. "Mom, we've never been rich, especially with how dad handled the economy! We're MC Hammerhead Shark levels of broke, mom!" said Sally. Alicia spat out the rotting flesh. "Well FUCK!" she said, tossing the arm on the ground. "So like, it's a bit obvious that you hate your dad, so like, since you don't seem to be upset about his death, wanna like, I don't know, get chili dogs together?" asked Sonic, turning towards Sally. "What the fuck?" asked Sally, looking at the moron who had the audacity to ask her out to a fast food place right after watching her mom cannibalize her dad.
"Um, Madam Ex-Mayor, I can't execute the criminal via penis explosion chamber, his penis is too small to fit." said Jason the Shih Tzu. "Have him drawn and quartered then!" said Alicia. "Can't. He's too fat, none of our equuses can drag him and my blades can't cut through his body fat." "Where is he right now?" "Wait, I was supposed to be watching him?"
Suddenly a barrage of bullets was fired upon the crowd as Robotnik, wearing nothing but underwear, a muscle shirt, and his goggles, was firing a stolen uzi submachine gun, which he held in his remaining hand. He stood at the top of the funeral home to aim at the crowd below. "AAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHHH I LOVE WAR!" yelled Robotnik, screaming in joy as he violently slaughtered a crowd of people. Suddenly a white flying spaceship thing floated next to where Eggman was standing. Eggman hopped in and the plane nearly crashed from the MASSIVE FUCKING WEIGHT, but despite all odds, it kept flying. The Egg Pod™ hovered towards the window of the funeral home, the plasma cannon aiming at the grieving family, as well as the other three morons. "AAAAAAUUUUUGGGGGHHHH! I LOVE WARRRRRRRR!" yelled Eggman, crashing through the window. A big chunk of debris hit Sonic in the chest, sending him flying back. A blue quill fell onto the ground, sparking blue lightning. A robotic claw arm thingy came out from the bottom of the Egg Pod™, grabbing the quill. "AAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGHHH!" yelled Eggman as his Egg pod™ was super powered by Sonic's quill.
He aimed his laser blaster, shut up, it's not the plasma blaster, it's a different one. Anyways, he fired it onto the rotting armless corpse of Maxwell Acorn, sending small chunks of rotten chipmunk flesh across the room. "FUCK!" screamed Sally as what was left of her dad's small, small brain was spackled across the room. A red laser pointer was aimed at her brain, her mom too, by the way, I know you probably don't give a fuck about Alicia, but like, yeah, her too. Sonic curled up into a ball and started spinning really fast. "Sonic, what are you doing?" asked Tails. "This helps me think. Let's see…" suddenly the momentum of Sonic's speed or whatever launched Sonic straight into the front of the Egg Pod™ knocking it backwards. "NOOOOOO! SONIC YOU FUCK! YOU'VE DENTED MY RIDE!" yelled Eggman. Sonic landed in front of the opened window. "It's over, Eggman. Come back so we can figure out how to kill you!" yelled Sonic.
Eggman opened his jaws as wide as possible. A stream of projectile vomit shot out, hitting Sonic in the face. "Ugh, you nasty ass bastard! You fucking nasty ass motherfucker, that's nasty, man! Ewwwww!" yelled Sonic. "This won't be the last time we meet, you rrrrrrrrrrepulsive rrrrrrrrrrrodent!" giggled Eggman, very gayly. "Why are you rolling your Rs?" asked Tails. "ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIBA!" yelled Eggman, speeding off in his Egg Pod™ off into the glorious sunset.
"What a dick." said Sally, shaking her said. "Sonic, you have to stop him, he's only been here for a few days and he's a fucking menace to society." said Alicia. "Don't worry, miss. I will avenge your husband and all those dead protestors outside." said Sonic, looking out at the sunset. "Oh, I don't mind the deaths of those protestors, honestly I wish he would've gotten all of them." shrugged Alicia.
"So, Sally, since I saved the day again with my huge muscles and my even huger cock, what do you say we get a pizza and go watch a shitty horror movie or something?" asked Sonic. "Look, on friday me and a couple of friends are gonna go down by the creek to hang out, you can come IF and ONLY IF you shower." Sally sighed.
"Sure! Totally! Fuck yeah!" said Sonic, pumping his fist. "Sonic, we don't have running water." said Tails, pulling off his t-shirt. Meanwhile, from the rooftops, Knuckles stared down at Sonic, preparing to strike at any given moment. He decided he would wait, because I want to end this chapter already it took me months to get this fucking chapter done. I promise the next one won't take as long.