Despite the fledgling plot to appear infirm, despite the mysterious efforts of the symbiote in her chest; Makoto was still a human being who had been shot less than twenty-four hours ago, so she fell asleep with the strange firmness of the revolver under her pillow squarely under the back of her skull…

When Makoto next opened her eyes, her bedroom was enshrouded in the deep gloom of early evening. The setting sun was a smoldering orange outside the window drapes. A beam of light cut through the thin space where the drapes met, slicing through the darkness of the bedroom like the fresh wound of a knife. It traced up and onto Makoto's mattress near her feet and proceeded diagonally past the outline of her leg and along the sheets.

As Makoto's eye followed the light, they met another pair of gleaming silver eyes that stared at her from just above the edge of her mattress. Ren was staring at her; wide-eyed and strange. He must be crouched below her bed and just peeking above it to check if she was awake, only the top of his nose and up was visible.

Makoto's heart jumped into her throat, a surprisingly painless act. Startled fear jolted the sleep from Makoto's mind and she immediately reached for the revolver under her pillow- it was gone! Had he snatched it while she slept?!

"R- Ren! What-?!" Makoto's throat was dry and her voice shook so much she had to stop speaking and swallow. Her heart was pounding. But before she could speak again, Ren started to rise slowly, his nose becoming visible, then his mouth- his lips pursed slightly in that serious, intent way that made him seem smolderingly handsome.

Makoto's heart continued to pound, but now with excitement. Ren continued to rise, his lean neck leading down to his muscled shoulders, to the hard bulges of his pectorals, to the rippling pattern of his abdomen, to the outline of his hips and thighs which arched diagonally inward toward Ren's-

"Makoto?! Makoto!" said Yoshida's urgent voice.

Makoto's eyes opened to a room still glowing with the yellowish light of midday. Yoshida was leaning over her, a look of concern and fear on his tired face. Makoto's heart was still pounding and her face felt hot like it did when she knew she was blushing intensely. She turned to look at the side of her mattress from whence Ren's naked form had risen like some sort of classical god. There was nothing there but slightly wrinkled sheets and the edge of the mattress.

A dream, then. She sighed. And to her own ear, it sounded like a sigh of disappointment

"Makoto, what is it?," said Yoshida, "Shall I call doctor-?"

"I'm fine! Yoshi. I'm fine," said Makoto, looking back to Yoshida. She saw lines of fatigue and worry etched deep into his face. It was the same sort of look that Mrs. Suzui had borne when Shiho Suzui had been in the early phases of her recovery: a parent in fear of losing a daughter; a mother who feared to lose the jewel of their life.

Makoto's mind then reminded her of the plan to sneak off the estate and venture to Ren's homeland. Guilt hit the bottom of her stomach like a swallowed cube of ice. Could she really do that to Yoshida? The man would torture himself trying to find her. And it would surely be a betrayal of his trust, this plan of hers; to sneak away like a thief in the night.

But she had to go. She had to.

But she had to tell Yoshida. That was something she had to do, too.

And with Ren being hunted by Medjed- and Akechi, apparently, there was no time to delay their departure. If she was going to tell Yoshida, it would have to be now. Right now.

"I was dreaming," said Makoto. She subconsciously chewed at her lower lip, anxiety roiling about in her chest. Yoshida would surely forbid her going. Would he tell Sae? Makoto didn't think so. He'd never pitted them against one another, nor intentionally set Sae in power over Makoto- though that was a role Sae quickly and automatically took upon herself in almost any given situation.

"Just dreaming.." Repeated Makoto for lack of an idea on exactly how to begin. How does one tell a parent that one is about to do something entirely reckless and foolish?

I know its a bad idea and I'm gonna do it anyway, just didn't have a good feel…

But Yoshida seemed relieved at her claim of a dream. He sighed in small relief, then gently sat down on the edge of her bed, his weary concern never leaving his eyes. He seemed to intend to stay with her for a time, which Makoto welcomed as it gave her a chance to ease into this confession- though she did realize Ren was just underneith them both. Was he awake? He could be staring hungrily at Yoshida's ankles right this moment.

Ugh, no he wasn't!, Makoto told herself, Get a grip!

"Dreaming?," said Yoshida, "Was it a nightmare? Was it about last night?"

"No," said Makoto, immediate with the truth, but then she hesitated. Her dream of a naked Ren rising from her bedside was not something she ever intended to share with anyone at all. But perhaps the idea of a dream could lead into the real topic.

"I was dreaming of Father," said Makoto, watching Yoshida's reaction closely.

Yoshida took in a sudden breath and his eyes glazed over slightly as he seemed to look at something in his mind's eye. That was how Yoshida usually looked when he was surprised by a reference to Father. They had spent their lives together, after all.

"You- you were?" said Yoshida, a soft smile on his face. "I still dream of him, too. What happened? In your dream?"

"He was talking to me, like he was still alive. It seemed so real."

Yoshida didn't say anything immediately, but his expression saddened.

Makoto thought this could be the way into the real topic. She pressed the attack: "Do you think he could be?"

Yoshida looked stricken and exhausted. "Alive?"

"Yes," said Makoto. "Could he still be alive? Somewhere? And we just don't know?"

Yoshida took a deep breath. "You've asked this before, Makoto, don't you remember? You and Sae both. And my answer is still the same: If your Father was alive, nothing would have kept him from coming back to you. To us. The fact that he isn't here is proof that he is not alive. I assure you, Makoto, your Father-"

Makoto had indeed asked this and had already received this answer from Yoshida (or one very much like it.) She'd heard in detail the efforts Yoshida had made to find Father: The money spent on travelers to keep an ear out for news; contracts to mercenaries and other vampire hunters to track him down- but all came up empty (and some never came back at all, and it was still unclear if they simply stole Yoshida's money or had met some ill-fate of their own out in the wilderness); Sae even, had personally tried to follow Father's trail- (unbeknown by Yoshida) but Sae returned and admitted Father's trail went cold at the first caravan fort south of Yoko-Ham. From there, it was unclear what route Father may have taken- or if he'd actually made it to the Vampire Isle Shikoku or not- but he certainly had not come back to Tock-Yo.

"But what if he did make it to the island? To Shikoku?" interrupted Makoto, throwing Yoshida off the old pattern of his old answer. "What if we could go there and-"

Yoshida twisted his body further toward Makoto, his seated position on the side of the bed somewhat awkward. His worried concern was quickly being replaced by surprised exasperation. "Makoto, we can't go there. What are you talking about?"

What was she talking about? That was a good question. Makoto realized she was losing the thread of her plan. Was she trying to convince Yoshida to give her permission to go? Or was she telling him why she was going to go? It was all mixed together! But there was a core to it, a truth that she had recently told to Ren just a few hours before. That was the truth in her heart that she'd never known to voice until then.

"I'm talking about this world, Yoshida! This- this- life behind walls! Why are there vampires at all? Why are we food for them? Why did they control the world back then? Why don't they control it now? How did we all get to where we are, in this city? In all the cities?"

Yoshida looked taken aback by the sudden rush of unexpected questions. "W- what does all that matter right now? Makoto, you nearly died! You shouldn't worry about those things now. Just rest."

He meant well, but so easily dismissing the central questions of Makoto's soul irritated her.

"I've had plenty of rest, Yoshi!" said Makoto, "But no answers! And no one knows them! And no one even tries to find out!"

Makoto's voice had gained an angsty, aggressive tone, which set Yoshida back even more. He stared at her for a moment, as if his mental state was recalculating. He had approached as a concerned mother over a wounded fawn, but he was now being confronted by a rather snippish adult.

Finally, Yoshida said: "Why do you feel you need those answers, Makoto? Will knowing the 'why' change anything at all? Will we all be able to go outside the walls at night because you know how it all came to be? The ghouls and vampires will sense that Niijima Makoto knows these things and 'poof!' they will vanish?"

That- that was a more brutal riposte than Makoto expected. Yoshida was exactly right, of course.

"Well- no, but I-"

Yoshida, the parent of two daughters with sharp intellects, recognized a weakness and attacked it. He'd long since learned that the only way to drive a argument home was to tear down the false pillars being stood upon.

"And how will you find these answers? A lost library, perhaps? Or one of those fabled Medjed vaults of forbidden vampiric knowledge?"

Makoto thought there really was at least one Medjed vault out there, despite the official denials of the Church and the 'sensible' opinions of intellectual society. The Old Empire had covered the entire world, and something that big didn't just vanish- the ruins within which Tock-Yo itself was built was proof enough of that. There surely was information out there, and if anyone was to collect it, it would be Medjed and the Church.

But regardless, that was not an idea Makoto was considering. Gaining access to the deepest secrets of the Church's most secretive organization somehow seemed less possible than going to Shikoku. She had no contacts there. But in regards to the vampire island? She had Ren- who apparently had highly placed relatives. And a mother who was better than any lost book- a witness! A witness to all that the world was!

"I can't know what I don't know!" said Makoto. "Maybe these answers are useless, but maybe they won't be. Who knows what useful things we may find? And not knowing sure isn't helping! Will we all stay inside these cities forever? Are we content to remain game in our pens? Waiting patiently for a vampire to come and finish us off?"

Yoshida continued frowning, but didn't have a ready response to those rhetorical questions. Makoto sensed she'd regained the momentum. It was time for the final pivot to the main objective.

"I'm going to go to Shikoku, Yoshida. I need to look for myself."

Yoshida let out an amused laughing cough. Makoto thought he must have instinctively thought her statement was some sort of joke- a lunacy. Before today, Makoto would have agreed with him. But after a few seconds, Yoshida's expression grew incredulous as he realized Makoto was not, in fact, telling him a joke of some kind.

"To Shikoku," said Yoshida, blandly. "And how would you get there?"

Makoto was far to old to be confounded by an appeal to simple practical difficulties. "By horse and then by boat, Yoshida. There are smaller islands I can use to get there."

That set Yoshida back, and his hackles began to rise as he began to get angry. "H-how do you know that?"

"Sae told me."

"Sae told-" Yoshida began to rise, stopped himself, took a moment to recollect his thoughts, and then restarted: "Makoto! Regardless how you might get there, its an entire island ruled by noble vampires! Your Father tried to go there and never came back! And YOU were nearly killed by the first vampire you ever met- and he was alone. And you were just on death's very doorstep from the second! Just today! A few hours ago, in fact!"

"A human shot me! The vampire was already dead."

Yoshida sputtered. "S- so what! Human. Vampire. Either way- dead is dead. Gone. Like your Father. Do you want to be like your Father so much that you die as he did?"

"I don't intend to die! And Father might not be dead! He might be there, still!"

"Oh, the child's hope, yet again?! He went to that vampire island ten years ago and never came back! Now you propose the same, and harbor a fool's hope you will- what? Find him? Rescue him? Perhaps he's chained in some dank dungeon just waiting for one of us to come and break him out?"

Makoto didn't want to admit that some small part of her was hoping just that. That would be wonderful. But knowing what she did about vampires, she recognized the truth in Yoshida's scathing tone- it was an impossibility.

"No!" snapped Makoto, angry a little at herself for the fantasy. "But maybe I can at least learn what happened to him!"

"Why?! Again- Why?!" Yoshida hit his flat palm with his other curled fist like a gavel. "What's the point of knowing what happened? Dead is dead, Makoto! And you'll be just the same and never come back!"

Back to the why question. She'd already told him why! Makoto began to get angry, her heart thumping in her chest from adrenaline at this gradually escalating argument.

"Fine, then! Maybe I won't come back! But I sure won't be sitting here in a dead house, puttering around dead dreams, and telling myself everything is fine. You say knowing what this world is- is- useless! Well! What use is any of it? Any of this? I want- I need to do more than settle into a comfortable wait for death!"

Yoshida rocked backwards slightly at her words. "Oh, now you're being absurd. You're trying to say everything is pointless if you don't know the truth of this world? But everything here is not pointless! There is the estate. The staff. All these people who depend on you and this place to provide their livelihood. Makoto, you can have children of your own! You could pick any man in the city and start a family! Who would turn you away?'

Yoshida took a steadying breath: "And there's- there's me, Hime-kun? Isn't there? I'm still here…"

Makoto realized she'd wounded him with her outburst. "Yoshi-"

Yoshida shook his head, tears starting at the corner of his eyes. "And maybe I'm pointlessly butlering a house with no lord- but I've spent so much time watching you grow, and I want you to be happy like your parents never were, and I want your life full of- of- everything you could ever want. Before I die, I want you to be content and secure. And I don't think that's pointless. Not at all. Whether we are inside walls or not. I don't care about the outside! I don't need it! I just need you and your sister to be happy."

The anger of the conversation was quite dissolved. Now Makoto sat before the man who raised her, changed her diapers (she didn't remember that, of course, but it sounded awful), and helped her and supported her through every major event of her life- and he was crying because she had told the truth about how she felt. So he shouldn't really be crying should he? It wasn't her fault that he couldn't see!

No. That was an unkind thought. Maybe true. But unkind. She needed to say it in a way he could understand.

"Yoshi, of course you'll never be pointless to me. But how can I do those things? Raise a family? Bring my children into a world where they may be devoured? Bind myself to someone who doesn't think outside the walls of this city? How can I be content when I'll always wonder about why everything is as it is? Always wondering if I could have done something to make it better. Always guilty that I didn't at least try to find Father or learn what came of him. If I don't go, Yoshida, I'll doom myself to a lifetime of helpless worrying. No. I need to know. I need to find out. I need to at least try! Even if there is no hope- I still need to try!"

Yoshida was quiet a time. He then took out a handkerchief from his coat pocket and dabbed at his eyes. "I understand. Its your damn Niijima blood, but I understood. And I suppose I have no right to stop you. You're grown now. You can make your own decisions…" He sighed in a worried, resigned sort of way.

Makoto remained quiet while Yoshida put himself back together. That statement had sounded something like permission, and she wasn't sure how to respond to it. It was an unforeseen victory. She hadn't thought she would sway him. Not in this.

Yoshida sighed again and gave her a long worried look. "But if anyone can do this and come back, it would be you, Makoto." Then Yoshida looked sharply at her.

"Is this Mr. Amamiya's idea? To take you there?"

"No," said Makoto immediately. "He is was against it as you are. But I paid his contract up front, so.. I've convinced him that he has to take me. And if not, I would go without him. And he refused to accept that."

Yoshida didn't smile at that, but he nodded somberly. "Well, I suppose that makes him as much a fool as I. When are you going? When you recover?"

"Yes," said Makoto, but she decided not to mention that was essentially now. She felt well enough to move and Ren's need to get out of the city was immediate. But she didn't want to burden Yoshida with that information so he wouldn't be obligated to lie to Sae or anyone else.

"Well," sighed Yoshida. "Rest for now and think about it. A long journey requires planning. And I want to talk to Mr. Amamiya before you both leave-"

"We can talk right now," said Ren's voice from under the bed.

Yoshida let out a high-pitched yelp and shot to hit feet in surprise.