Author's Note: drizzies are based on dreughs from the Elder Scrolls universe; I tend to look to Pokemon and the Elder Scrolls for animal and plant inspiration haha

X

James didn't really say anything about the cologne or the incident with Lily to the other Marauders; when Sirius tried to bring it up on Sunday evening, James gave him a death glare and that was it. He also did his best to avoid Lily, which was probably part of a reward for her.

By the time Monday rolled around, everything seemed to be settling back into place. Which, of course, was when another crisis hit. This one worse than the cologne, in Remus's opinion.

After History of Magic, the Marauders found a nice spot to relax in. The others chattered while James and Sirius occasionally shot the tripping jinx out at passersby; meanwhile, Remus read. He had his nose stuck in Children Of Alchemy, which was the book James had bought him. Things had gotten exciting again. Belthar, the evil wizard mysteriously after the kids, had struck again. This time the siblings ended up separated. Amelia and Johnny went out to sea while Theodore and Shearlow ended up in a heavily wooded, secluded area which Remus hadn't thought of existing in New York. He always imagined the whole state being a busy place like the city, but according to the book there were loads of woods and places to camp or hide out, which the two boys were doing.

"I'm not the best with healing," Theodore said after conjuring some bandages to wrap around Shearlow's hurt wrist. "Perhaps we should see a doctor."

"We have to stay hidden," the other boy said firmly, looking up at Theodore with determined eyes.

Theodore's fingers lingered on Shearlow's wrist. After a few seconds he spoke again, his voice dropping to a husky whisper. "I cannot have you hurt."

"It's merely a sprain, I'll be fine. We could probably find ingredients to make a crude potion if need be." Shearlow glanced away however did not try to take his hand from Theodore's.

A creeping feeling went down Remus's back out of nowhere. He shifted his body, pulling his feet up onto the bench to try to shield the book from his friends' view. His heart began thudding in his chest as he read the next few lines.

"I can't help worrying." Theodore ran his thumb along Shealow's knuckles then brought his injured hand to his chest. "I cannot stand to see you hurt."

Shearlow looked back, at his hand at Theodore's heart, then up at his friend. "Then don't. Sit and see me hurt."

Theodore smiled, sitting down close to Shearlow, still holding his hand. "I don't like this either."

"Then don't. Close your eyes."

But he didn't. They stared at each other, into the other's soul. Theodore's fingers curled gently into Shearlow's. "I don't want to look away from you."

Shearlow tilted his head and whispered, "Then don't."

Remus swallowed, feeling shaky. He couldn't understand what was written, what was being said. It made no sense. It made no sense at all. It sounded—but no, it couldn't be. He wanted to keep reading but also didn't dare, not in front of his friends if—if—

It's not, he told himself, looking up as James tripped a second year Hufflepuff. His friends laughed while Remus merely returned to his book, his jaw set. It was silly to think something like that would happen because it wouldn't, it was only projection again.

"Only if you don't either," Theodore whispered, his mouth close to Shearlow.

It wasn't. It wouldn't!

"I'd rather die."

"If you die, I would too, because…"

Remus's heart felt like it would explode out of his chest and he began to grow dizzy.

Shearlow leaned forward. "I know. I do too."

"You do?"

"I do."

Their lips—

Remus dropped the book with a yelp and James, Sirius, and Peter stared at him. Quickly he grabbed the book, shoving it deep into his satchel, hoping he wasn't as red as he felt.

"It f-felt like something bit me," he stammered, reaching down to pretend to look at his ankle. "No, I'm—I'm fine."

Except he wasn't, Merlin he wasn't. He felt sick and hot and shaky and confused and wanted to run away. Far, far away. He wanted to throw the book into the lake. He wanted to open it back up and read what their lips did, because maybe it was still projection and the weird desire to see something like that, maybe their lips parted and they both laughed at how silly and serious they were being, maybe—

"You're as red as a lobster," James said.

Remus shrank back. "I don't feel very well."

"But you can't get sick," Peter pointed out.

"I—I can, it just—I… get better very quickly." He stood up, swaying slightly. Sirius reached out to steady him and he took a step back, almost falling over. He could NOT have Sirius touch him after what he just read! "Actually, I do feel like I might be sick. I'll be back in a moment." He turned and ran down the hall to the nearest loo. He wrenched a stall door open and staggered in, locking it behind him before making gagging, throw-up-y sounds in case anyone followed him.

He flushed the commode and straightened up, pressing his hands to his hot face. No, Merlin, what is this, what is this?! He sat down on the toilet and got the book back out, his hands shaking so hard he nearly dropped it. He flipped through back to where he was, taking in a deep breath before reading on.

"You do?"

"I do."

Their lips met, heat piercing Theodore to the core as he tasted the boy he had loved for so long.

"Hnnnnnng!" Remus moaned, snapping the book shut and putting it back in his satchel. He wrapped his arms around his middle and began rocking back and forth, trying to come up with some non-like-that reason for that to have happened, but even his desperate brain couldn't piece it together any other way than—

"Bloody, bloody, bloodybloodblood!"

"Er, you all right in there?" came a voice from another stall.

Remus's head jerked up, but it wasn't one of their voices. It was an older voice, one he didn't recognize. "Sick."

"Should I get Pomfrey?"

"N-no, thank you. I'll go in a minute." He licked his lips and curled forward, clutching his middle so hard it began to hurt. Soon the door opened and shut, the other boy was gone.

This has that stuff in it, this book has that stuff, THAT STUFF, stuff like… like…

Like you, said a cool voice.

Remus closed his eyes, shaking his head.

Their lips touched, whispered in his head. Kissing the boy he loved so long.

The boy HE loved.

"Remus?"

Now it was his friends, they had finally followed him. "Remy, you okay?"

"I got sick," he croaked. "I think I should stay in here for a bit, until it passes. Or see Pomfrey. It might be the flu, it might be contagious."

"Well, I can go with you," James said. "If you have something, I do too. I drank the rest of your milk at breakfast, remember?"

"You stole it," Remus muttered, feeling very anxious, feeling as though his entire being was vibrating. He was terrified they'd somehow know what was going on inside of his head, inside of the book.

The book that James had bought him.

James bought him a book with that sort of thing in it.

"I'll go with you, in case too," Peter added.

"If you're all going, so am I," argued Sirius.

Remus suddenly felt faint as realization washed over him. Did James… know? Did he know about Remus? Did he know what was in the book? How could that be a coincidence? But if he knew why didn't he say anything? Or was this his way of saying he knew? If he knew why wasn't he disgusted? Was he like Lily and Miss Fawley? Was James, a Pureblood from a very old family, all right with that sort of thing? Miss Fawley was, but she was different.

Panic bubbled up inside of him. What if James knew? Why did he buy him the book? He ached to ask his friend, but he knew it'd be strange if he brought it up right then and there, and if James didn't know he might grow suspicious at the sudden questions and want to know why.

Flidgets! he thought, nearly thinking of a different word that started with F thanks to Weasley.

His friends were talking, though he couldn't hear them very well; couldn't understand them. Everything sounded muffled. Reluctantly he stood up, flushed the toilet again, and opened the door. They fell silent, staring at him.

"Merlin, you look terrible," Sirius said.

"I feel terrible. I'm going to Pomfrey. I'd—I'd rather go alone, please," he added.

"All right," James said with a frown.

"Are you sure?" added Peter.

"Positive. I'll see you in Defense."

He fled the lavatory, heading for the hospital wing while trying to figure out what to tell Pomfrey. When he arrived he settled on the same lie he had told his friends since it was the simplest thing: he felt hot and sick, and threw up. Pomfrey sat him down and checked out his vitals, not finding anything out of the ordinary. Remus said he had probably kicked it out of his system by then, but did she mind if he rested until his next class started?

He lay down in one of the beds, hand clutching the strap of his satchel as he debated getting the book out to check again that he had read right. His fingers began moving almost on their own as he began twisting the strap into a vague knot and then undoing it. After a moment he slipped his hand in, pulling the book out to open it to The Page. He quickly shut it, face flaming once more. Yes, he had definitely read right. Theodore and Shearlow had—had kissed. And confessed their love.

Moaning, he rolled over, clutching the book to his chest as a thousand thoughts spun wildly through his head, most of them centering on James. The worst part was that if James did know then he'd end up telling Sirius. And Sirius couldn't know! Oh, Sirius could never know!

Calm down. He took in a deep breath, sitting upright. You don't know if James knows, or if he has guessed. He might only be guessing and trying to fish for an answer. You have to play this coolly. Keep your head, and you'll get out of this. Just need to make sure James thinks you're normal.

It was time for class anyway, and he felt like he was walking to his funeral as he went. The other Marauders cheerfully greeted him, making sure he felt okay. He said he felt better, apologizing for running off like he had.

"We're used to it with you," joked Sirius, tousling Remus's hair.

"Eh?"

"You run off all the time," Peter said, as-matter-of-fact.

"I—I do not." All three stared blankly at him. "All—I—er—I mean, I suppose sometimes—sometimes I do… on a rare occasion…" More blank stares. "Let's just get to class."

Normally that would have preoccupied him all through class, but his mind was on James and the book. His foot jiggled a lot and he only took a few haphazard notes, hardly paying attention to Charlemagne. Mostly what he wrote down were questions for James. Why did you pick that book for me? Did you know the plot of the book? Do you know I'm which he immediately scribbled out until not a single letter showed.

After class, tell James you need to talk to him privately and ask, he ordered himself as Charlemagne handed out their homework assignments. Except that'd be weird, right? Pulling James aside and demanding to know why he got him the book. No, he needed to be casual about it. And right now he felt like he was going to burst apart. He needed to do something before he spontaneously combusted.

Lily, he realized, as they headed to lunch. He scanned the crowd for her red hair, but was far too short to see anything. He didn't see her at all until they all went into the Great Hall and by then she was with Alice and Cassie. Since he didn't want to run off again, he remained where he was, trying to ignore the electricity shimmying across his skin.

Remus hardly ate lunch, instead just pushed food around on his plate. He wasn't hungry. He still felt sick, especially whenever James looked at him with his sparkling hazel eyes that could maybe see right into him and know his big secret. Other big secret. They already knew his first big secret. Which at the moment felt very pale in comparison to his current big secret.

Merlin, which was worse? Being a werewolf or being like that? Probably to most witches and wizards they were equally monstrous. But to his friends? Would they prefer sleeping in a room with a werewolf, or with someone who was like that?

He felt very ill thinking about the fact they were doing both, that he was both. It didn't matter which was worse because he was both! Any semblance of hunger disappeared, and he pushed his plate away.

He didn't get a chance to talk to Lily until after Herbology, asking if she could meet him during their free period. She frowned, giving him a strange look but agreeing to meet him.

Magical Creatures felt like it took ages. It was inside, due to the high winds, and Kettleburn decided to switch things up and have them study drzicribs; which everyone else was either excited about or scared of. Remus couldn't remember what a drzicrib even was until Kettleburn brought one out; a small, toddler-sized creature that looked like a mix of a multi-legged crab and an upright lizard with fangs.

"Most commonly called drizzies," Kettleburn said, lifting the cage onto his desk. "Drizzies are currently under debate at the Ministry over their classification. While they are currently ranked as a 3X beast, many feel they should be classified as a 4X. Drizzies can be temperamental and quite dangerous, however if you know what you're doing you shouldn't have any issue with them at all."

The drizzy took that moment to swipe one of his claws out the metal bars as Kettleburn, ripping into his sleeve. Kettleburn jumped, some of the class giggled nervously, some others scooted their chairs back. James and Sirius were leaning so far forward that if it wasn't for their desks they'd have fallen over.

"Now, who wants to—"

James's hand shot up before Kettleburn finished his sentence.

Kettleburn looked amused. "Who wants to tell me what drizzies are most commonly used for? Mr. Potter?"

James lowered his hand, mouth a little slack. "Erm. Remus?" he asked, turning in his seat.

Remus had been only half-listening, and jerked a little at his name. He stared at James then at Kettleburn, trying to remember the question. It would be embarrassing to admit he hadn't been fully listening! After a second or two of panic he said, "I think James should answer the question since his hand was raised."

"Traitor!" James snarled.

Kettleburn grinned. "Mr. Potter?"

"The most common use of drizzies," James said which gave Remus the question, "is uhhh, their…" He scrunched his face up and then suddenly his eyes lit up. "Slime!"

"Very good, Mr. Potter, a point to Gryffindor. Actually, two points since I wasn't expecting you to get that right." Most of the class giggled at that while James looked slightly offended. "As Mr. Potter said, their slime is what we commonly use. It is used in many potions. Drizzies secrete a slime that coats their body when they go in the water to hunt for fish, their main source of food. However, for those who keep drizzies as pets and not to farm their slime, they don't need to go into the water at all. Some have even begun a competition called drizzy racing, where they put fish out and let their drizzies race to see who is the fastest; this is a dangerous sport, as sometimes drizzies can get a little wild when they want their food and it's been known to result in competing drizzies to lose body parts."

Class ended up being let out a little bit early because the drizzy attacked Kettleburn again, this time cutting into his skin and sending blood spraying everywhere.

"Remus? Remus?"

Remus blinked as Sirius waved his hand in front of his face. "Huh?"

"You must be sick," Pete said, laughing so hard he began wheezing.

Remus looked at his friends feeling very confused. "What do you mean?"

"Remy, Remy, Remy." Sirius put an arm around his shoulders, making everything worse; Remus felt like his soul might just slip out of his body. "We just had a class where we were shown a rather dangerous beast that can cause quite a bit of havoc. What do you think James said as soon as we left Kettleburn's hearing?"

"No," Remus said quickly, realizing what he missed.

"And he's back," Pete said, still wheezing.

"Awwww, come on!" James whined. "It would be so neat!"

"Did you not see how much blood it drew?" Remus demanded, grateful to have something else to focus on.

James only smiled. "Why else would I think it would be so neat?"

"Absolutely not!"

"Absolutely yes."

"No."

James let out a sigh. "When you say 'no' like that, Lupin, it makes me feel like you're recessing my creativity and squishing me into a box."

"I believe you mean repressing?"

"That too." Now James put his arm around Remus, which felt just as awful as Sirius's arm for some reason. "Imagine Snape finding a drizzy in his wardrobe. I mean, he likes Potions so it'd practically be a gift! It's a nice thing. I'm trying to be nice."

Remus wriggled free. "You're trying to severely injure him."

"'Well. Maybe that too, but nicely severely injure him."

He put his finger in James's face. "I need to go meet with Lily. If I find out later that Professor Kettleburn's drizzy has gone missing, you will have some answering to do."

"And the answer will be:" James clutched his hands together, beaming. "'Yes, I did steal the drizzy and put it in Snape's wardrobe'. There, now you won't need to ask it later, I've saved us all some time."

"Merlin." He turned to Sirius and Peter. "Please watch him."

"I'll gladly watch him put a drizzy in Snape's wardrobe," Sirius replied cheerfully.

"I won't, cause I'll probably have to be lookout," Peter said.

"Mental. All of you."

They walked in the same direction for a bit, and Remus was worried they'd follow him all of the way to where he was meeting with Lily… however they stopped when they found Alice and Cassie, mostly so Sirius could flirt with his girlfriend. Which turned into Sirius making a joke that didn't go well with the girls. Remus could hear him as he walked away, asking the girls if they knew why drizzies were names drzicribs. When they said no, he said the wizard who had discovered them was using a quill that wrote down whatever he said, and just when he announced the name, the drizzy swiped at him right in the knob, and that's what he yelled out. The boys laughed hard while the girls sounded disgusted, Cassie shoving at Sirius and telling him to grow up.

It was mean of Remus and he knew it, but that made him feel better until he was completely alone again. Then panic set in once more and he hurried through the castle, mumbling to himself whether James knew or not. Or guessed. Or thought. Or considered. Or anything.

Lily was waiting where they agreed to meet and began frowning again, like she had earlier. "You really don't look well."

"Huh?"

"Earlier you were rather pale and shaky when you asked to meet me. I've been worried. You still look pale."

"I'm always pale," he pointed out as she put her hand to his forehead.

"More than usual."

"I—" He paused, looking anxiously at the door to the room. He held a finger up and tiptoed over, pulling the door open to look around. Once he was sure nobody was nearby, he shut the door again, locked it, then pulled Lily to the far corner. "I need to talk about things," he whispered, crouching down.

Lily knelt beside him. "Gay things?"

He winced. "Y-yes." He pulled the book out of his bag, holding it tightly. "This is one of the presents James got me for Christmas. He got it in New York. It—ahhh—I can't. I can't say, just look. Page three hundred and ten, halfway down." He pushed the book in her hands and began rocking back and forth.

Lily went to the place, mouth moving as she read the lines. Suddenly she stopped, eyes going wide. "Remus—"

"Hnnnnng," he moaned, covering his face, fingers digging into his scalp.

"This is about two boys kissing."

"Yes."

She shut the book. "I think it's terrific. It sounds sweet. Romantic. What's the issue?"

Remus gaped at her. "The issue is that James bought it for me!"

"So?"

He took the book back, putting it deep in his satchel once more, wishing he could shove it clear through the ground and twenty feet under. "What if he got it for me because he—he knows about me? Or guesses?"

Lily shifted her weight, sighing a little. "I think you're giving Potter too much credit, as that would mean he had read enough of the book to know what was in it. Reading doesn't seem to be a thing he does."

"Or he c-could have flipped through and saw it," he pointed out.

"Or he could have read the back and thought it was something you might like. Honestly, it is something I would have gotten for you without knowing that it involved two boys being together."

He began chewing his nails, rocking again. "What if he supposes?"

She took his hands gently, holding them in her own. "Are you going to ask him?"

"Of course not!" he cried out. "I can't! I—I thought I might ask him why he bought the book for me but—but that might… be strange to ask. He might want to know why. I don't know, it's very confusing. I don't know what to do. I need your help. Merlin."

She squeezed his hands. "I think you're overthinking things again. You need to take a deep breath and calm down, dear. Here." She released his hands to pull a handkerchief out of her bag, wetting it with her wand and pressing the cool cloth to his cheek. He moved so he was sitting on the ground, pressing the cloth against his whole face. It did feel good. "I think it's only a coincidence."

"What if it's not?"

"Then…" she trailed off, going silent for a moment. "Then obviously he doesn't find it awful, if this is what he does. If he knows then… he's actually supporting you about it, isn't he? That was a nice, romantic book, not something awful. It's showing people like us in a good way. Which, frankly, I think is something you need. To see people like us… boys like you… being normal."

"Not normal."

She pushed his arm lightly. "Enough of that. We're normal. Different, but normal."

He lowered his hands, twisting the handkerchief up, squeezing some of the water out. "I need to know. If he knows. Or if he's thinking about it."

Her voice kept repeating in his head, though. Support. Support. James supporting him. He didn't want to think about the fact she was… sort've right about that. It was too much for him to think about, though; he already felt ready to explode, he didn't need that idea adding to everything else. Except now it was pulsating in his brain over, and over, and tightening its hold. That was, in a way, worse, because he didn't want to get any hopes up.

He shouldn't even entertain the idea—the possibility—because if he was wrong, which he probably was, then it'd make it all worse.

Why was everything so overwhelming?

Why couldn't he be normal?!

"The only way is to ask him," she said. "I don't think it would sound strange if you asked him about how he found the book or anything like that."

"He might want to know why."

"Unless you can read his mind, that's the only thing to do."

Remus froze, still clutching the damp cloth. Slowly his eyes grew big. Of course. How daft was he being?! He could ask Fawley! She'd know if he knew! And if he knew surely she would have told him before, right? Though, she didn't really read minds. She only saw memories so perhaps she wouldn't know, but she could see the memory of him getting the book and find out.

"Are you all right?" Lily asked, shaking him out of his thoughts.

"Yes." He was smiling a little now, handing the handkerchief back to her, thinking he was as okay as he could get at the moment. "I know what to do now, thanks."

"Er." She took the cloth, looking confused. "All right. I don't know what I said, but I'm glad to… help?"

"You did," he promised and reached over hugging her.

She hugged tightly back. "I'm glad I can help." When they pulled away, she kept her hands on his shoulders. "And you should keep reading that book. Don't go throwing it out or burying it somewhere… actually wait, hold on. Let me see it again, please." She took the book from his bag and flipped to the back, scanning the pages for a moment. "All right. Yes, you should read it."

"Why were you looking at the ending?"

She stood up, pulling him up with her. "That would be spoiling it. But you should definitely read it."

He looked at the book. The cover showed Theodore and Amelia in a herbologist's hut, surrounded by ingredients. Amelia was holding their mother's leather-bound journal and both siblings were staring up in horror. There was an outline of an open door shedding light on them, and the shadow of a man (the villain) looming over them. But all he could see was Theodore and Shearlow kissing, and the word 'GAY' printed all over it for the world to see.

"You said you owed me," she said and he looked back up. "Consider it part of your debt. Not all of it, mind you. Only some."

"You want me to read—read this as part of my debt?" he asked, bewildered by the request.

"Yes. Read it. It'd be good for you."

He only shrugged, not sure why it would be good for him to sit there and panic with every sentence he read about Theodore and Shearlow being… like that. "I might. I—we'll see."

She leaned in and kissed his cheek. "Good. I'll see you later tonight, all right?"

"Yeah, all right."

She left and he tucked the book back in his bag, feeling split in half. Part of him was extremely confused as to why she was so insistent on him reading it, and the other part was hoping Fawley could shed light on the whole James situation.