Chapter One: Son
A/N: Kaji Jr. tagged as Kaji Sr. until the Jr. tag gets added
Ryoji Kaji read in picture books that the sun would smile down on a 'perfect' day like this one, a day without a single cloud in the sky and where the lake shimmered like a star. They lied. After hours of hiking in the forests around Village-3 with Mr. Kensuke, it felt more like the sun was smirking smugly towards him. He almost wished he was at Mr. Toji's office instead, running around and doing whatever chores Mr. Toji wanted. At least his office had a fan Ryoji could rest his face in front of.
As much as he complained about the heat, he would never tell anyone these complaints because he loved going out and helping Mr. Kensuke whenever he needed another hand on one of his expeditions. He loved walking around the forest and seeing the colors in the picture books from the library come to life. All the greens, all the blues, and sometimes the reds (red was scary most of the time).
Above all, though, he loved working because it made him feel needed. He felt like he was part of a family when he did something that mattered.
After a quick dinner at the orphanage (beef stew today, Ryoji didn't know what real meat tasted like, but the fake stuff was good enough that he didn't care), he forced his sore and aching body up to start walking to the Suzuharas' place. It was the place where Mr. Shinji and Ms. Rei lived. Their cat just gave birth to a litter of kittens, and Ryoji just had to see those cute faces for himself, even if he really wanted to rest instead. Along the way, his mind drifted to the first time these two came to Village-3, about one year ago.
He was eight years old then. He remembered the way the Wunder towered over his tiny figure. He felt like a little stick next to a massive tree. He remembered all the hustle and bustle in the port as supplies were unloaded, and families greeted their loved ones who worked on the ship. He'd desperately tried to wave towards his mom standing proudly and tall on the deck, overlooking all that went down, but he's not sure if his mom saw him then. He's never sure if his mom ever sees him with those dark glasses always covering her eyes.
There was also that burnt red uniform she wore. To Ryoji, red usually meant big monsters and places you should never go to.
Ryoji shook his head. He should just be grateful for all the wonderful things she did for the village, like everyone else always told him to do. Just be grateful. He remembered putting down his sore arm after it didn't get his mom's attention and looking ahead to see a mopey looking boy holding hands with a blank faced girl. They stood next to Ms. Asuka. She scowled like she usually did, but there was something especially hateful about her look. He wasn't sure why, because Mr. Kensuke and Mr. Toji always got excited whenever they mentioned Mr. Shinji and Ms. Rei in their stories, and it seemed like Ms. Asuka was friends with them back then. He would never ask Ms. Asuka why she felt this way, though. She was scary and mean.
He remembered, from those stories, that Mr. Shinji used to live with his mom, and he was excited to finally learn about what his mom was like. His real mom. Not the captain that ran WILLE, but the mom whose son was named Ryoji Kaji, after his dad. He'd always wanted to ask Ms. Asuka about his mom, but she was scary and mean. The first time he met Mr. Shinji up close was at a dinner with the Suzuharas. Mr. Kensuke was there too. Ryoji had so many questions prepared, so many things he wanted to know. Was his mom nice? Was his mom as cool and as awesome as he imagined she had to be? Did his mom and dad love each other? Did Mr. Shinji think that his mom loved him, Ryoji, like everyone always told him?
All these questions swirled in his head, but the dead face on Mr. Shinji scared them away. Ryoji ate his meal slowly, hoping that he could find a chance to ask a question, but the chance never came. Mr. Shinji didn't budge at all when Mr. Kensuke and Mr. Toji tried to talk to him. Mr. Shinji only moved whenever Ms. Rei told him to take a bite of whatever mix of rice and protein was in front of them. He didn't remember what the meal was, only the sad look on Mr. Shinji and the questions he was never able to ask.
The first month, Mr. Shinji didn't talk to anybody except Ms. Rei, but Mr. Shinji was so much happier now. It was a slow change, and Ryoji didn't know what happened that caused Mr. Shinji to start moving out of his sadness, but Ryoji remembered how much more Mr. Shinji smiled in the weeks after their dinner and how much more Ryoji saw him hanging around in the village. Nights at the Suzuhara's whenever everyone came over, were livelier too now. Even Mr. Shinji would start the stories sometimes. Most of the time, they talked about things that happened during the week, but other times, they talked about the past. He would hear his be mother be mentioned, and he always made sure to listen closely to those stories (a slob? No way that was true). He didn't ask his questions yet, though. He doesn't want to interrupt the cheering and laughing between old friends.
The first time he met Mr. Shinji on his own, Mr. Shinji was tending to the watermelon plot in the gardens. It was a Saturday, a day to be lazy for Ryoji, and his wandering mind and wandering footsteps brought him to the gardens. Ryoji asked Mr. Shinji why he was taking care of the watermelons.
"Oh, it's because your father loved watermelons! I kinda feel like I owe it to him," Mr. Shinji said.
Ryoji immediately went into the plot and helped Mr. Shinji that day. He didn't care that it was a lazy day anymore, this was his time to talk to Mr. Shinji, and he couldn't waste it. He asked all the questions he could think of about his dad. Was his dad nice? Was his dad as cool and as awesome as he imagined he had to be? Did his mom and dad love each other? Did Mr. Shinji think that his dad would've loved him, Ryoji, if he were still alive, like everyone always told him?
Ryoji remembered how excited and giddy he felt when Mr. Shinji answered yes to all those questions. That, yes, his dad was a nice guy who took Mr. Shinji and his friends to a big place filled with blue water and all kinds of fish once (a story Ryoji had heard before but he didn't complain). That, yes, his dad was as cool and as awesome as Ryoji imagined. That, yes, his dad loved his mom, and his mom, while she tried to hide it back then, loved his dad too. And, finally, that his dad would've loved him if he were still alive. These were affirmations the adults had told him before, but there was an honesty in Mr. Shinji that the adults didn't have.
Time seemed to fly by while they watered the melons in peace. When they finished, Mr. Shinji selected a melon that looked ripe enough and split it open with a knife he'd brought with him. As they enjoyed the fruit of their hard work, Mr. Shinji told Ryoji of the promise he'd made to Ryoji's dad. He promised to protect Ryoji's mom when Ryoji's dad couldn't anymore. Ryoji wasn't sure how to respond, and looked at the melon slice in his hand. Unlike the red outside the village that was scary and gave him nightmares when he was younger, this red was sweet and bright and happy. The only other time he thought red was happy was when Mr. Kensuke gave him strawberries.
Finally, he looked at Mr. Shinji and said, "I can't really protect her, so thanks!" He remembered the stories about the big robot that Mr. Shinji piloted. Nothing could harm mom if Mr. Shinji was in that big robot. "And you've got that big robot too, right? So nothing can stop you!"
Mr. Shinji's face fell, but only for a second. Ryoji didn't notice it. "Yeah, nothing can stop me," Mr. Shinji said.
They gave each other big goofy grins. Every Saturday after that, he went to the gardens and helped Mr. Shinji water the watermelons, just like Mr. Shinji had done with his dad so long ago.
Along with Mr. Shinji, Ms. Rei smiled more too and hung around the village more too. He used to be scared of Ms. Rei, but not in the same way that he was scared of Ms. Asuka. If he was scared that Ms. Asuka would shout at him if he tried to come close, then he was scared that Ms. Rei would ignore him. The thought of being ignored, of being treated like nothing, scared him way more than being shouted at, so he always avoided Ms. Rei. He remembered asking Mr. Shinji about her one day. Mr. Shinji said that he used to think about Ms. Rei just like Ryoji did, but then he grew close to her, and realized that she was a nice girl too.
"You should try talking to her one day," Mr. Shinji said. "I promise she won't bite." Even though she smiled more than she used to, Ryoji couldn't help but still be a little scared of Ms. Rei. It wasn't long before he met her again, though.
On one Saturday afternoon, on his regular visit to the library after gardening with Mr. Shinji, he met Ms. Rei again. She blinked. He blinked back. He saw the weird blue hair and weird red eyes she had. Her red wasn't as scary as the red beyond the village, but it wasn't the nice red he saw in the watermelons or strawberries.
It was the same red he saw on his mother.
He awkwardly bowed, mumbled a greeting, and sat down next to her with a stack of books. He wanted to sit away from her, but he was taught not to be rude, and he especially didn't want to be rude to Mr. Shinji's best friend. He picked out a random book from his stack, but his eyes glossed over every word rather than reading them.
Eventually, his curiousity got the better of him, and he peeked at Ms. Rei's book. He was surprised to see a picture book in her hands.
"It's called Where the Wild Things Are," Ms. Rei suddenly said, "It's a Japanese translation of an American book." Ryoji jumped back. He tried to stammer out an apology, but Ms. Rei cut through his nervousness with another question, "Would you like to read this together?" Too scared and too nervous to refuse, he accepted. When Ms. Rei began reading however, he felt like he was transported into another world. He liked the sound of her voice. It was soft. It was soothing. It was gentle. It made him feel at home. When they reached the last page, he looked up at Ms. Rei. She smiled gently towards him.
"Would you like to read another book?" She asked.
From then on, Ms. Rei's face became a familiar part of the library to Ryoji. Whenever she saw him come in, she'd smile and ask what book he was reading. He'd answer, and then he'd ask what book she was reading. She'd answer and then they'd read silently next to each other. Sometimes, they'd read together. He'd lean his head on her shoulder and listen to her voice, soft, soothing, gentle, carefully recite the words on each page. Sometimes, he'd fall asleep to her voice, and he'd wake up in his bed at the orphanage.
From then on, Ryoji decided that Rei's red was a nice red.
This was how he spent his free time now, reading with Ms. Rei or watering the watermelons with Mr. Shinji, in between classes with Mr. Kensuke, in between helping Mr. Toji at his office, in between whatever other chores the village needed him to do. Sometimes, he'd run around with the other children, or play a board game with Mr. Kensuke, or shoot hoops with Mr. Toji, or listen to the older ladies gossip, but there was something different about the time he spent with Ms. Rei and Mr. Shinji.
Maybe it's because they look more like kids even though they should be the same age as Mr. Kensuke and some of the other adults. Maybe it's because Mr. Shinji used to live with his mom, so he looked up to him like he was his long lost brother. Maybe it's because his mom might've loved Mr. Shinji back then, and he wants to know what he can do so his mom can love him too. Ryoji didn't ask yet about his mom or anything like that, he still felt too scared to touch that subject.
However, he did ask Mr. Shinji about his dad. Mr. Shinji mentioned how much he didn't like him. How he only got in that giant robot to protect Ms. Rei and everyone else in Tokyo-3. How he barely saw him. How he tried to connect with him so many times, but his father always pulled away. He also talked about the dinner party Ms. Rei tried to set up to bring them together, but it never happened because he had to save Ms. Asuka.
Mr. Kensuke and the others have comforted him before about his mom and dad (everyone in Village-3 knew loss and coped with it). They felt genuine, but it never felt like they really understood him. They never understood the kind of loss that Ryoji felt, but he thinks that Mr. Shinji can. When Mr. Shinji told his stories, Ryoji can imagine him waving his arm until it's sore, hoping his father finally sees him. His father never sees him, just like she never sees Ryoji. They never see.
Recently he'd been helping Ms. Rei feed the stray cats and dogs that lived near an abandoned railway car. They'd grab some leftovers, and then they'd walk to that car and give all the strays little treats It's an oddball group with dogs and cats of all shapes and all sizes and all colors.
"Seeing them makes me think of the orphanage," Ryoji said during one of their treat sessions. He was squatting down. His knees tucked into his chest. Ms. Rei squatted next to him. The cats and dogs had eaten the last of the treats they brought and now either laid down to sleep or sniffed around the railway car. Ryoji and Ms. Rei just watched them now. "There's about the same amount of kids there, and we're all different ages and heights. I don't think of any of them as my friends, though. It's not like any of them are mean or anything like that. It's just... we don't have anywhere else to go." He watched one of the dogs, an Akita, sniffing one end of cart as if it were in search of some scent. "A while ago, Mr. Kensuke told me I could live with him if I wanted to, but it just doesn't feel right to me."
Ms. Rei didn't say anything when Ryoji finished, and he was fine with that. He liked that Ms. Rei was quiet and a good listener. She didn't try to talk down to him with lectures like some of the adults sometimes would. She doesn't judge him, and she doesn't expect anything from him, and he liked that. He felt like he can just be a kid with Ms. Rei (and Mr. Shinji too).
"I think that if I were a cat or a dog I would be..."-Ryoji's eyes filtered through the animals. They settled on the beagle. He pointed to it-"that one! It's small and scruffy kinda like me! But I'd like to be taller when I grow up. Mr. Shinji said that my dad was pretty tall."
He turned to Ms. Rei and asked, "What about you? Which one do you think you'd be?"
"I wouldn't be any of these animals. They enjoy a freedom that I will never know," Ms. Rei said.
"But you're free here, aren't you?" Ryoji said. Ms. Rei seemed like she wanted to reply, but Ryoji continued, "Everyone in the village is trapped anyway because of that zone-thingy. If you aren't free here, then nobody else is free."
"That is a perspective to consider. I am free to do as I wish here, though I can't leave."
"I'll take that as a yes!" Ryoji said enthusiastically. "So... will you pick one now?" he asked with a hesitant smile.
Ms. Rei looked at him for a moment, then looked back to the cats and dogs. "I still can't decide on my own animal. However-" she pointed to a brown cat curled up under the shade of the railway car- "that one reminds me of Shinji," Ms. Rei said.
Ryoji tilted his head. "How come?" he said.
"It's cute, just like he is."
Ryoji laughed. "You must really like Mr. Shinji, huh?"
A faint blush appeared on Rei's face. "I do."
For a few more minutes, they watched the animals in peace.
One day, a pregnant cat followed Ms. Rei home. It settled comfortably on a set of blankets in Mr. Shinji and Ms. Rei's room, and she decided then that this room was the cat's home now. Mr. Shinji later told Ryoji that Mrs. Hikari's dad was actually pretty mad about letting a cat inside, but Ms. Rei was always so quiet and never asked for anything that he didn't have the heart to tell her no. Ryoji laughed to himself thinking about the old man grumbling and cursing at a cute little cat that he can't get rid of.
That cat was what led Ryoji to the Suzuhara's house now. He'd been helping Ms. Rei take care of the cat, making sure it was fed and always had water, for the past few days. He read about kittens in books, but he was excited to finally see them in real life. He'd felt a burst of energy when Mr. Shinji first told him that the kittens were finally born earlier that day, right as he and Mr. Kensuke got back from their trip. It was all he thought about during dinner. It was what kept him awake even though his body screamed at him to go to sleep.
It was later in the day when he finally arrived, but the warm, red glow of the sun still brightened the sky. Ryoji didn't feel as tired now, as his excitement had finally overcome him. He took a deep breath to calm himself, and he focused on the cool wind flowing through his body. He stepped up to the entrance of the home and knocked.
A/N: There are two wolves inside of me. One wants to write romance, fluff, comedy. The other wants to write angst, horror, trauma. I can't tell which one is winning at the moment.
Anyway this was supposed to be a simple 2,000 word oneshot, but then I got deep into the character and wrote this all in a daze. This was the first time I ever wrote a story with extremely minimal pre-planning (I had a summary and that was it), but I liked the way it turned out. There's a sense of liberation I felt letting the story write itself completely.
My main motivations for this AU:br /
1) Village scenes in 3.0+1.0 were so nice and comfy. Rei and Shinji deserved to spend as much time as possible /
2) Ryoji Kaji Jr. needed more than a cameo! Also he was too damn happy! I wanted to explore more of his relationship to Misato and how that could've damaged him. I went with a younger Kaji Jr. because I wanted to write a 'big sibling' kind of relationship between him and Rei and Shinji.
Already deep into Chapter 2, but I want to make sure I get the emotions right, give it some TLC.