A/N: because I am so slack at replying to reviews, I just wanted to say a quick thank you to everyone who had been reading and leaving comments for me to read. You are all so very encouraging and I do really appreciate your kind words! Your patience while I work through each chapter is also very much appreciated.

Slow it down.

Take your time.

Breathe in deeper, breathe out slower.

He didn't want to rush through this. He wanted to savour every moment - every smile, every touch, every laugh - to feel every spark that electrified the air between them and to burn the memories of these moments into each corner of his mind. He wanted to remember each step of this journey; from strangers to friends, friends to something more.

He knew it was risky, allowing himself to believe that that's where this was headed. In fact, there was a small but persistent voice in the very back of his mind that insisted he didn't hope for more, that reminded him that Kate wasn't on the same page that he had been on for weeks now and allowing himself to dream about infinite possibilities could only end in one way: with him broken-hearted.

But the truth was simple: that was a risk he was more than willing to take.

For as long as Kate kept willingly giving, he would continue to gratefully accept whatever it was she was offering.

Her time, her friendship. Those two things had so quickly become an integral part of his happiness. Each text received, each late night phone call, each impromptu coffee date would leave him with a smile on his face for hours. With each conversation - whether recounting stories of her past or dreaming out loud about her hopes for the future - she would offer up just a little bit more of herself.

Her beautiful, intelligent, compassionate self.

Her mind, her body. And he couldn't help but believe, to hope, that she was readying herself to offer up just a little piece of her heart. A gift that he would gratefully accept, and cherish, and pray that there never came a day where she wanted it back.

He looked up from the meal he had just finished preparing and looked over to Kate. He had tasked her with the job of finding them something to watch for the afternoon; a job she seemed to be taking very seriously. She sat on his couch, feet tucked up underneath her, and scrolled through the endless options the streaming service provided them. His lips curved into a soft smile as he watched, noting just how comfortable, how at home she seemed within the walls of his loft.

"Have you seen The Bounty Hunter?" she asked, reading the title from the television screen.

He picked up the platter of quesadillas he had made - complete with home made guacamole and a Greek yoghurt dip - and began to walk toward the couch.

"No, I haven't," he answered as he rounded the black leather couch and eased himself down beside her. "Hope you're hungry."

"Smells amazing!" Kate shuffled closer and Rick balanced the platter across both of their laps. "So, you're good with this movie?"

"Yeah, sounds good," he confirmed absent-mindedly as he lifted his first quesadilla, wrapping the strings of melted cheese around the crispy tortilla.

With his approval, she pushed play and the movie began.

She settled in beside him, picked up one of the tortillas and scooped a small amount of guacamole onto it before taking her first bite.

"Oh, my God." She moaned as the flavours burst into her mouth.

Rick looked at her, smiled when he saw she had closed her eyes to really savour the taste.

"You can cook for me whenever you'd like," she told him once she swallowed the bite. He chuckled, appreciated her enthusiasm. "Seriously, these are so good."

"I'll happily cook for you," he said sincerely. "Anytime."

They allowed a comfortable silence to fall over them as they watched the movie and ate their lunch. Somehow, over this time, they had managed to drift even closer together. Kate sat against Rick's side, her body turned to face him. Her left leg remained tucked underneath her but her right leg had shifted, ended up draped casually over his right thigh with her foot tucked in behind his left calf. Like human pretzels, she never would have imagined this to be comfortable but, as she rested her head on Rick's shoulder, she wanted to stay there - perfectly still, all wrapped in him - for as long as she could.

Unfortunately, after her night of tossing and turning - caused by an equal mix of excitement and frustration - she was worried that if she stayed too still she would fall asleep on him. Not that she thought he would mind, but she did.

She inhaled deeply before lifting her head from his shoulder and leaning forward, slipping her legs free from their tangle.

"You all good?" Rick asked.

His voice was soft with the slightest, almost indeterminable croak and she considered that maybe he had been at risk of drifting off, too.

"I'm just going to wash this up," she explained, lifting the now-empty platter plate.

Rick took it from her hand and leant forward, placing it down on the coffee table. He leant back against the couch cushions and draped his arm over Kate's waist, gripping her hip.

"It can wait a minute," he insisted.

He leant toward her, pulled gently on her waist and she received the message loud and clear: the rough edge to his voice wasn't caused by fatigue at all.

She smirked as she moved her leg over his lap and shifted herself onto his lap. His hands made their way to her lower back, fingertips toying with the hem of her shirt.

"You are insatiable," she whined playfully.

She cupped his face and brought her lips to his, kissing him slowly.

He slipped his hands under the material of her shirt and smoothed them over her back, his fingertips tracing each ridge of her spine.

She sucked in a sharp breath and arched into him as goosebumps erupted across her body.

"Speak for yourself," he teased against the soft press of her lips.

She kissed him deeply, allowed her tongue to explore his mouth. All the while the tension in the air was building quickly; the increasingly familiar feeling of arousal coiled low in her belly and the heat of his hands on her spread under her skin like fire. She tilted her hips against him, moaned when the friction sent a jolt that seemed to electrify her every nerve through her body.

She placed her hands on his chest and pushed, ruefully breaking away from their embrace.

"I was fine," she defended. "Perfectly sated, actually."

A crooked smile tugged at the corner of Rick's mouth and a glint of playfulness in his eyes caught her attention.

"And now?" he questioned, having noted her choice of words suggested she no longer felt perfectly sated.

His hands flitted down her back, to her hips. He gripped her firmly, held her in place as he gently rocked his hips. Her eyes fluttered shut and a lust-filled sigh slipped from her lips.

Now? Now she would give him anything he wanted so long as he kept touching her the way only he seemed to know how. So long as he kept pushing her - poking and prodding and prying, learning everything he could - until he knew her as well as he knew himself. So long as he kept holding her; his arms a fortress around her, the only place she felt safe from the pain of her past, where the ruins of the future she had envisioned - ghosts of marriage, of children, of happiness - didn't haunt her like they did when she was alone.

And just like that, doubt changed everything. She took a shaky breath as guilt smothered the flames of desire that had burned hot and wild just seconds ago. There was a voice that took up residence in the very depths of her mind - one that wasn't hers, one who had a nasty habit of taking one fleeting thought and twisting it, moulding it into something it wasn't with such expertise she never really could tell - and it had wrapped it's poisonous vines around that one minor detail: like they did when she was alone.

In an instant, her fear of falling too hard and too fast had been replaced with an entirely new fear.

You are using him.

The voice echoed through her mind, sent a shiver down her stiffened spine.

He's nothing more than a crutch, a way to forget.

For a moment - no longer than a split second - she considered that perhaps there was some truth behind the accusation. Rick had come along when she was at an all-time low - broken-hearted, confused, lonely - and he this inexplicable way of making her feel good again. He had made her feel desired, made her feel unburdened and interesting and sexy and fun. He had made her feel like losing Adam wasn't the end of the world. But, even after all of that, she had made the decision to keep the story of them as just one perfect night.

She only went back on that decision after the darkness had crept back into her days. The heartache, the confusion, the loneliness.

You are using him.

Rick had been the perfect target, too. So sweet, so sure of her. He'd so willingly moved at her pace, kept every part of this relationship within her comfort zone. He was there when she needed him, gave her space when she didn't.

All on the unspoken promise that one day she would be ready: no longer grieving, no longer in need of healing, no longer scared to love without reservation.

But what if she could never love that way again? What if she was too damaged?

You'll never have what we had.

What if the memory of Adam was always there in the shadows of her mind? Always lurking, always poisoning her thoughts.

Rick deserved more. He deserved better.

Kate pushed against Rick's chest, created as much distance between them as she could but his hands on her waist held firm.

"Kate-"

"I need-" She stopped, searched the space around for the answer that just wouldn't form in her mind.

She needed, what?

To get away from him.

To stop this before it went any further, before it went too far and she ended up hurting him. That was the last thing she wanted to do: hurt him because someone else had hurt her.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

His reluctance lingered in the air, but he dropped him hands from her body and gave her the space she needed. It terrified her, the way he so easily read her cues as if he could read her mind, but she was also eternally grateful for it. So found it so difficult to explain herself when her mind would switch gears like this: Rick's apparent talent for picking up on the sudden changes without an explanation sure made her life easier.

She brought herself to her feet and took several small steps backward.

"I'm sorry," she repeated. She forced a smile - a weak, unconvincing smile - to try and assure him that he hadn't done anything wrong, that he wasn't the cause of this sudden shift in mood.

"You said that already," he commented and smiled back.

His smile was full - much more convincing than she had managed - and he leant forward, his elbows digging into his thighs. She waited as he studied her, the heat of his searing into her skin and bringing a gentle flush to her cheeks.

"You okay?" he asked after several punishingly long seconds of silence.

She nodded, without thought. Because the gentle tone of his voice, the shimmer of understanding in his eyes, the reassurance in his smile: they all told her one thing. This friendship was real. It was complicated and confusing and unlike any other relationship she had ever had, but it was real.

Not a distraction.

Not a crutch.

Not destined to end in disaster.

In an instant, the panic in her heart eased.

"It's been a big day," she said. "I think I'm still just processing everything."

Rick nodded slowly and rose to his feet.

"You did like the place, right?" He stepped closer, but kept a safe amount of distance between them. "I hope you didn't feel pressured into-"

"No, of course not," she assured him. "The place is great."

"And... this?" He hesitated, swallowed dryly. "I hope you didn't feel any pressure there, either."

She shook her head. "No pressure."

"Regret?"

She smiled and stepped forward, shaking her head. "No regret."

Rick tentatively reached out and laced his fingers through hers. He watched as Kate's focus slowly drifted to their joined hands, the smile on her face slowly fading as troubled thoughts swirled in her mind.

"If it's too much-" he started, unsure exactly where he was going with that thought.

Obviously if she wanted to stop this, he would. He didn't want to but, for her, he would. She had been right when she said it had been a big day: so much had happened in the last 24 hours; a definite shift in the way they interacted. He wouldn't blame her if she felt overwhelmed by it and needed a moment to catch her breath.

"I just think that maybe we should have discussed this first," she admitted. "You know, what it means."

Rick shrugged. "It doesn't have to mean anything," he suggested. "Sometimes two friends who trust each other and enjoy spending time together might, on occasion, sleep together. Sometimes it changes everything but, you know, sometimes it just... sex."

She stayed silent as she looked into his eyes, tried to read each micro-expression on his face. He was giving in to her again, appeasing her need to take this slow, and she knew it.

"And you would be okay with that?" she asked, still studying his features. "If nothing else changed?"

He smiled. "Yes, I would be okay with that. For now."

For now. She could live with that.

Kate's attention was stolen by the sound of the front door unlocking. Rick narrowed his eyes, checked the time on his watch and then turned around to face the door just as his teenaged daughter walked through.

"Oh, hi Dad," Alexis greeted, a soft smile on her face. "Hi, Kate."

Kate smiled and waved to the girl, but Rick spoke before she had a chance to.

"Alexis? I thought you had a violin lesson this afternoon?"

"It was cancelled," she answered as she dropped her backpack by the door and made her way further into the loft.

"So you're actually home late?"

Alexis stopped by the kitchen counter. As she looked at her father an apologetic smile crossed her face.

"In my defence, I didn't think you'd be home yet. I just met a few friends at the little bakery near school."

Rick wasn't sure how to respond. On the one hand, his daughter had just spent almost an hour roaming the city when she was supposed to be in the safety of her seventy-something year old violin teacher's studio. Parenthood didn't come with a handbook but he knew he shouldn't be okay with that. On the other hand, however, he had always encouraged her to try the rebellious teen thing occasionally. She was remarkably mature, always followed the rules: he didn't want her to look back and wonder if she had missed out on too much by always doing what was expected of her.

He had always assumed that, when she did start bending the rules a little, it would be other people's rules. And that he would be there, the little devil in her ear, to egg her on as she did.

"Well, just let me know next time, I guess," he said in what was supposed to be a firm, authoritative voice.

Alexis smiled. "I will," she promised.

The girl continued her journey through the kitchen. She pulled a carton of orange juice from the refrigerator and placed it on the bench.

"So, how did last night go?" she asked curiously as she moved to the cabinet that held the glasses. "Did you get a chance to talk to Gina?" She looked over her shoulder to her father and his, uh... new friend. "Juice?"

Kate declined the offer with a gentle smile and the shake of her head.

"No thanks, Pumpkin. Last night was, uh, same as usual I guess: schmooze, drink, pretend to be paying attention."

Rick chuckled and Alexis rolled her eyes.

"And Gina?"

"Not my night, sweetheart," he reminded her. "I have a meeting with Gina on Monday, I'll discuss the changes with her then."

"Changes?" Kate asked.

"Dad has decided he wants to change the entire plot of his next book," Alexis explained with a grin that told Kate this wasn't a good idea.

Kate looked at Rick, confusion knitted in her brow.

"A few changes here and there are to be expected; it's all part of the writing process. But, seeing as I've already submitted several chapters that will now have to be rewritten, et cetera, I figured I should give her a heads up."

"Now, I might be wrong," Kate started, a smirk teasing her lips. "But this might be what Gina meant when she said keeping you on track was nearly impossible."

"Oh, she's not going to be impressed," Alexis added.

Rick held his hands in front of him defensively. "She said she was joking."

"Was she, though?" his daughter teased.

Kate brought her hand to her mouth to hide the laughter that threatened to spill from her lips.

Rick looked back and forth between the two.

"I don't like that you're ganging up on me," he complained.

But it was a half-hearted complaint, at most. In all honestly, he liked that there seemed to be an easy bond between Kate and his daughter, even if it was only superficial for now.

"Sorry," Kate offered as sincerely as she could.

But he didn't miss the way her eyes flickered across the room to meet his daughter's, the still-present flicker of mischief they shared before her attention found it's way back to him.

"Why are you changing the story, anyway?" she asked. "I mean, if you've already written part of it wouldn't it be better to continue with the story you have and save the new storyline for the next book?"

"Theoretically, yes. But I've got this idea in my head now and, honestly, I just can't write anything else," he explained.

"It's like an obsession," Alexis exclaimed theatrically. "He needs to write this story in the same way he needs to breathe."

"It's a curse," he said with a shrug. "And I have a source who can offer authenticity; someone who used to work for one of the families I'm writing about. I'd be an idiot to walk away from that."

"Wait, you're working with someone with actual ties to The Mob?" Kate asked incredulously. Surely not, surely she had misheard him, but the excited smile on his face told her otherwise and her stomach clenched. "Rick, that seems-"

She allowed her words to trail off - didn't want to throw the word dangerous around in front of his daughter - but she definitely did not like the idea of him being tangled up with these kinds of people. Not to mention the possible consequences she could face. An NYPD detective canoodling with an associate of The Mob? That's not a good look.

"It's a couple of letters, nothing incriminating and he hasn't named names - nor will I ask him to," Rick assured her. "It's better for my story if I'm not burdened by too many facts. Besides, I'm not stupid enough to get myself in any actual trouble."

And Kate almost believed him. Almost.

"The guy's serving a life sentence for the murder of an undercover cop," Alexis filled in the blanks. "But he insists that he's innocent. He wants dad to tell his story."

"Well, a version of it, anyway."

Kate smiled and shook her head. "I'll let you in on a secret, Rick: half the guys in jail are insisting they're innocent."

"I'm not saying I believe him," Rick defended himself. "I just know that I could tell the crap outta this story! It's got everything: intrigue, a killer plot twist-"

"Just-" Kate frowned, stepped forward to place her hand on Rick's bicep. "Be careful, yeah?"

He smiled. "Of course."

Alexis watched the small but sweet interaction with a smile on her face.

"Anyway," she said just loud enough to pull her father's attention away from the woman standing in front of him. "I'm just going to get changed and then I'm going to Claire's," she announced as she dumped her empty glass in the sink.

She looked at her father, then to Kate, then back to her father.

"I could probably stay the night," she said, not at all subtle in her suggestion.

Kate's hand dropped from Rick's arm, a shy smile tugging on her lips.

"Are her parent's still out of town?" Rick asked, already knowing the answer.

Alexis nodded and he smiled apologetically.

As much as he trusted Alexis - hell, he even trusted Claire - he did not trust the older brother. The kid who throws a party as soon as his parents were out of town was too cliche.

Rick knew that kid. He was that kid. He didn't trust that kid to be the only 'responsible adult' in the house.

"Sorry, kiddo," he said with a sigh.

"Fine," Alexis grumbled. "I'll be home by 10."

She walked away, began her ascent up the stairs before Rick heard the muttered 'was just trying to help you out'.

He turned his attention back to Kate, who was trying her best to stifle her smile.

"Teenagers."

Kate nodded and hummed. "You should have seen me at that age," she commented thoughtfully. "My dad really had his work cut out for him. He would turn to my mum and through gritted teeth he'd say she's as stubborn as you are."

"I bet that went down well," Rick said, hoping Kate would continue with her story.

"They were both as stubborn as mules." She smiled at whatever memory was playing in her mind and a chuckle slipped from her lips. "I never stood a chance."

She tried to be quiet as she entered the apartment - just in case Lanie was already asleep - but as she looked up she was met by two sets of curious eyes.

Lanie and Esposito sat on the couch, bowl of popcorn balanced over their laps.

"Hey there," Lanie greeted with a playful smile.

"Sneaking in after curfew again?" Esposito asked, a matching grin plastered on his face.

Kate rolled her eyes. It was not even 10 o'clock yet: Alexis - an actual child - had a later curfew than she apparently did.

"Sorry Dad," she groaned sarcastically. "Didn't realise you were waiting up."

She toed off her shoes and tossed her bag down on the bottom shelf of the bookcase by the door.

"We're watching Mr & Mrs Smith," Esposito informed her. "Wanna join us?"

She smiled at him. "I won't be cramping your style?" she joked.

Lanie's jaw dropped and she playfully swatted his chest with the back of her hand. "You did not say that to her!"

"I was joking," he defended before shooting imaginary daggers at Beckett.

"Javier Esposito, I cannot believe you."

Kate pouted. "It really hurt my feelings, Javi."

Espo scoffed and Kate couldn't hold back the please chuckle that bubbled in her throat.

"You're lucky," Lanie said in a low, warning voice as she leant into Espo's side.

He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and Kate could have sworn she heard him whisper something along the lines of luckiest man in the world.

"I'm gonna shower first," Kate said, answering Esposito's question.

"Want us to pause it?" Lanie asked.

Kate pulled fresh underwear, a pair of leggings and an old cotton shirt from her suitcase. "Nah, that's fine. I've seen it before."

She took her time in the bathroom; allowed the heat of the shower water to wash over her and calm the thoughts that raced through her mind.

A lot had happened today.

After months of searching, she'd found a place. A wonderful place, at that. And it was cheap enough that she'd still be able to save while paying rent. By the time she had to move out again, she was certain she would have enough of a deposit to maybe even buy herself somewhere she could call home.

And then there was, well, everything else.

Her time with Rick was so... easy. Laying in his bed, wrapped in his arms and breathing in the scent of him, of them; it had felt like the most natural thing in the world. There was no need for words, no desire to fill the silence. With him, she could just... be.

And when her mind began to wander, began to edge toward a darker place where she could have so easily gotten lost, he knew exactly how to coax her back into the light.

The only other person who had ever known her mind like that, who had ever understood her so completely was Lanie, and even then it had taken them years to build that unmatched familiarity. Rick had swooped in and seemed to have her completely figured out in a matter of weeks.

And his words were never empty, he'd proven that time and time again. She had doubted his promise that nothing had to change, because she had felt it. Everything had changed. Yet, somehow, they'd spent the evening together eating dinner, drinking wine and talking - just talking - like old friends would. Old friends who had never - not even once - seen each other naked! No awkwardness, no undertones or innuendos, nothing to suggest they were ever, at any time, anything more than what they were in that moment. Nothing had to change.

It was almost as if the Rick and Kate that had spent hours teasing and pleasing one another had been two entirely different people.

She liked that, liked that she could keep the two sides of them separate until she was ready to be all in.

The water began to chill; a sign she had spent way too long mulling over her thoughts. She shut off the water and sighed as she slid the shower curtain to the side and stepped out into the steam-filled room. She lifted her watch from the vanity; 10:48pm.

"Shit," she murmured to herself.

She hadn't planned on taking so long - but she was certain that Lanie and Espo would have appreciated a little extra time alone. Soon they'll have the place to themselves again.

Her stomach fluttered at the thought. She hadn't lived alone in years; she'd be lying if she said she wasn't nervous.

By the time she emerged from the bathroom, the movie was more than halfway through. Lanie and Esposito had shuffled along the couch, freeing up the space where Kate usually slept.

"Thank you," she said softly as she settled into place, pulling her blanket over her lap.

They smiled, acknowledging her thanks, but remained focused on the movie.

After several minutes of silence, Lanie spoke.

"What'd you get up to today?"

Esposito huffed, grabbed the remote and paused the movie, knowing all too well that his girlfriend had obviously lost interest for now and when she did start to pay attention again, he would have to waste time catching her up.

Kate smiled at his frustration; they'd all been there.

"Not much," she said with a casual shrug. "Spent most of the day with Rick."

She kept her eyes glued to the TV and ignored the knowing smirks she could see in her peripheral vision.

"Also, I-uh. I found a place," she added.

Lanie sat up, her spine ramrod straight. "What? When?"

"Where?" Esposito added, equally as surprised.

"Is it a nice place?" Lanie asked, knowing too well the kinds of dumps that Kate had been looking at over these past few weeks.

"Yes, it's a nice place," Kate said defensively. "A really nice place, actually. It's a loft in Lenox Hill."

She saw the dubious look her friends exchanged.

"You moving in with Castle or something?" Esposito asked. "You know, you don't really know the guy-"

Kate laughed. Esposito tried his best to seem uninterested, unbothered by the happenings of her life but she knew that he cared just as much as Lanie did. She appreciated it: the big brother role he had taken on. He would vehemently deny it but they all knew he loved her dearly and only wanted the best for her.

"I'm not moving in with anyone," she assured him. "Besides, Rick lives in SoHo. A friend of his owns the place and is wanting to sublet for a while."

"So you applied?" Lanie asked.

Kate shook her head. "He emailed me a lease this afternoon. I can move in in two weeks."

"Two weeks?" Lanie repeated as if she hoped she had misheard. "That's so quick!"

"I've been here for weeks, Lanie."

Lanie shuffled along the couch - until she was practically sitting in Kate's lap - and wrapped her arms around her friend, squeezing her tight.

"I'm going to miss having a housemate," she said sadly.

Esposito lifted his hands, palms turned to the ceiling as he shot his girlfriend a look that practically screamed what about me?

"A housemate that remembers to put the toilet seat down," Lanie added without even looking at Espo.

Kate looked over the top of Lanie's head, smirked at her colleague.

"One time," he mumbled to himself.