Chapter 11
Uijeongbu Korea; November 27th, 1951
Attention, all personnel. No casualties for the 11th straight day. O.R. will remain open for cuticle and wart removal. Come early, win a door prize.
"Is it in this camp?" Ellie Marie asked, she was lying face up on one of the mess tent tables tossing a wadded piece of paper they'd been using as a ball into the air.
"I mean, it could be." Klinger answered from his spot next to her leaning against the stove.
"You're supposed to answer yes or no." She said.
"Well then ask me questions that have a clear yes or no answer!' He retorted.
"Ugh….the game stinks. How many questions do I have left until 20?"
"No idea." He answered, "I stopped counting at least five questions ago."
"I'm so bored!" She grumbled, "I've written a letter to every member of my family, reorganized my trunk four times, I got so desperate I asked Major Houlihan if I could do inventory on the store room again, but she did it last night!"
"I hear ya…." Said Klinger, "I've actually gotten caught up on all the patching I needed to do on my dresses and laid out patterns for two new ones."
"I meant to tell you I love the one you're wearing today." She said, nodding towards his red and silver geisha style dress, "when you finally get to offload your wardrobe, I call dibs."
"Noted." He chuckled. They sat there in silence for a few minutes before Ellie Marie sighed in boredom again,
"Wanna quiz me on my Arabic?" She asked.
"Nah, you don't need it. You speak it practically as well as I do at this point. If anything you should be quizzing me on my Korean, but I'm not in the mood."
"Say….." Ellie Marie said, looking out of the tent to her right., "did you notice that Charles has made three trips to post op in the past hour? What's he doing? We only have one patient, and he's not even on duty."
"No idea." Klinger responded, "probably trying to get away from whatever ridiculousness B.J. and Hawkeye are up to in the Swamp. I swear I saw Hawkeye drinking out of shoe a few minutes ago."
"Ok….I'll make you a bet." Ellie Marie said, sitting up and smiling, "I'll bet you…..a dollar, that B.J. and Hawkeye do something crazy again before Charles gets back to the Swamp."
"You're on." He said, they both sat up to watch their prospective bet unfold.
"Hey do either of you two know how to get a record player hooked up to the P.A. system?" Radar asked, as he walked through the side door with Charles's phonograph under his arm, "Colonel said I could play the new records we got over the P.A. to give everybody a little pick me up, if I could find something to play them on. So I borrowed Major Winchester's record player, but then I realized I don't know how to hook it up and if I do it wrong and mess it up he's gonna kill me for real."
"Yeah, Gimme a sec Radar, and I can help ya out." Klinger said, not looking at him. He put an excited hand on Ellie Marie 's arm as Charles came down the hill from Post Op.
"Oh geez, thanks guys. I really appreciate it." Radar said.
At that exact moment Hawkeye flipped the board he and B.J. were using in the Swamp and stood up and turned in a circle.
"Yes!" Ellie Marie cried triumphantly at the same time as a Klinger cursed under his breath.
"Pay up!" She said, holding out her hand where he placed a one dollar bill.
"He was two stinking steps away." He grumbled,
————
"There you are kid, we're ready to go on air from one end of the camp to the other." Klinger said a few minutes later as he plugged the last chord into the P.A.
"Oh my gosh…." Radar said, looking slightly green.
"Pick up that mic and announce the first tune!" Klinger encouraged.
"Right….." said Radar, picking up the microphone like it was a live grenade. He clicked it on.
"Uh….." He clicked it back off.
"That's it?" Klinger said.
"Oh come on Klinger….I don't know what to say!" Radar snapped.
"Just try to put it in your own words." Ellie Marie said.
"I don't have any, I just use everyone elses." He grumbled.
"Come on. You speak into that thing all the time." Klinger pointed out.
"Yeah but I never jockeyed a disk before!" said Radar, "I don't know what those guys say."
"Have no fear kid. I'll tell you what to say." Klinger replied.
"What, you know about this stuff?"
"Are you kidding? Remember that payola scandal in Toledo two years ago? My uncle Bob gets out on Tuesday."
"Oh, well then maybe you should be the announcer." Radar said, pushing the microphone towards Klinger. But he shook his head and pushed it back.
"Me? talk into that thing? Not a chance." He said.
"Here." He pushed the mic into Radar's hands and clicked it on.
"Just say your name and the song. It's simple." He whispered.
"Okay….Hi. This is Corporal—no this is Radar. Um…I just thought you might like to hear—no, uh I got a—we just got a shipment of—yeah I'm gonna play a record for you." He clicked off and put the record on before looking up at their stunned faces.
"Not so terrific huh?" He said.
"I better write you some stuff." Klinger said, grabbing a notepad and chuckling.
"What kind of stuff?" Radar asked.
"Disk jockey talk. Like uh, 'Hey, this is your platter slider Radar O'Reilly, slidin' on some hot side for all you cats and hot dog ladies. Dig it?"
"Oh I dig it." Ellie Marie teased, and Klinger winked at her.
"I don't understand a thing you just said…" Radar said, looking at him in bewilderment.
"Good neither will they." Klinger replied as he pushed off the desk and walked over to where Ellie Marie was perched on the far corner.
"Sliding on some hot side?" She questioned.
"You gotta be hip with the lingo pretty lady." He said with a smirk.
"I don't think I was cut out to be talented." Radar mumbled as he switched the record, and an upbeat jazz number started to play.
"Oh I love this one!" said Klinger, and he held out a hand to her, "my lady. Do me the honor?"
"What right here in Radar's office?" She asked.
"Why not?" He asked, "You got something better to do?"
She laughed and took his hand. He pulled her off the desk and spun her expertly under his arm and away from him before pulling her back in at the last second. Suddenly Radar looked up from the record player.
"Uh oh…." He said
"Oh you've gotta be kidding…." Klinger muttered, dropping her hand.
Radar cut the record and grabbed the microphone again.
"Attention all personnel!" He said, "incoming choppers. Sounds like plenty. All medical teams to triage on the double!"
"Of course….it figures." Klinger said, "just when we actually started to have some fun."
Triage was a nightmare. The compound was overflowing and just when Ellie Marie thought they couldn't fit one more body in, another helicopter would land. It felt like fate had decided to give them the surplus of their week and a half of peace all at once.
"The Chinese are throwing everything they got across the parallel." The Colonel explained as he assessed a leg wound, "The 8055th bugged out and the 8063rd is overloaded. We're getting everybody's casualties. The whole enchilada."
"Fractured skull. Possible hematoma. Dilated pupils." Ellie Marie explained to Hawkeye as he came to check the boy she was monitoring.
"Prep him stat." He said.
"We're running out of room." She pointed out.
"Well make room. This guy can't wait."
"Geez. Where are they all coming from?" Klinger asked, as he hopped out of the jeep he'd driven down from the helipad and helped the corpsman lower another man to the ground.
"Everywhere." Margaret replied, "The question is where are we going to put them?"
"Charles I got a bus full of belly wounds!" B.J. shouted from the back of the ambulance that had just pulled in.
"In a moment!" Charles called back.
"Now Charles!" yelled B.J.
"I've got a compound fracture here, and it's bleeding!" Charles snapped.
"Bones have to wait." said the Colonel.
"Well, Colonel, I beg to differ." Charles countered.
"That's an order! Not an opinion." The Colonel barked back.
"The most opinionated order I've ever heard…." Charles grumbled. Ellie Marie put a hand on his shoulder.
"I've got it Charles, get on the bus." She said. He gave her a quick nod of appreciation and handed over the tourniquet he was working on. She made quick work of tying it off and turned to the next patient.
"Max! Type and crossmatch for two units of blood and prep him stat!" She said.
"Yes Ma'am." Klinger said, coming over and picking up the gurney with the help of another corpsman.
"Radar, what happened to the music?" The Colonel asked, as Radar ran by.
"Well I figured with all the casualties and all….you'd."
"No no no…" The Colonel said, "Get back in there and play something soft and mushy. We're gonna need all the sedatives we can get."
"Yes sir. I'll get on the slow stuff real fast."
"What'd I tell you?" Ellie Marie said as he passed, "You're a hit."
"Yeah I guess so." He said with a shy smile.
The sound of chopper blades filled the air again.
"More choppers…." Margaret sighed, "as I'd we weren't busy enough."
"Hotel's already full. What do we do now?" B.J. asked.
"We move the help." said Colonel Potter, "As of now, the Officer's Club, the mess tent, the Swamp are Post Ops two, three, and four in that order."
"And we thought this was the off season…" muttered Hawkeye.
———-
"I have a suggestion." said Charles about an hour later in surgery, "I will loan Radar one of my classical recordings to relieve this pop nightmare."
"Nah, you've done enough Charles. We're already using your phonograph." Hawkeye replied.
"What?" Charles snapped, "without my consent? I want it back right this second!"
"Relax Major…" The Colonel said, "I just made it your contribution to the war effort. Music is medicine right now."
"Just once I would like to offer something before it is taken from me." Charles grumbled.
"Ellie Marie ….I'm going to need you to start handing me the instruments on the beat please." Hawkeye said to her.
"Don't look at me. You're the one who's off." She retorted.
"Well then let's get together." He responded, "Clamp..two,three,four. Sponge..two,three,four."
"Hey Hawk, name that tune." B.j. said.
"Up a Lazy Liver…."
"No…It's Musical Clock. Tell me what it's from."
"Mr. Belvedere goes to Korea…"
"No! It's the theme song from The Late, Late Show."
"Why are you telling me this? We hardly know each other." Hawkeye quipped.
"Whenever I heard that at home I knew it was my turn to go out to the kitchen and heat Erin's formula." B.J. Said with a sigh, "Man I miss that kid."
"He's hemorrhaging Ellie! Suction!" Hawkeye said sharply as the area where they were working began to fill with blood.
"We've got a lacerated aorta. Pump in two more units of whole blood fast!" He said.
"Max!" Ellie Marie called, "we need two more units of AB negative right now!"
"AB negative?" He said, "you might as well ask for a ticket home. We only had two units in the bank and they went in the first wave."
"Well do what you can to get us some more please."
"I'm doing…I'm doing…." He sighed, exiting the O.R. towards the office.
"Alright Ellie, vaso clamp." said Hawkeye, "let's get this bleeding under control."
Hawkeye tied off the bleeder and Ellie Marie suctioned out the wound to make sure there were no more. They worked together to get the incision closed and Hawkeye stepped back slightly and let out a long slow breath.
"Okay so now we do the old double reverse. Collect all his blood, filter it, and give it back to him in Post Op." Hawkeye said.
The corpsman came in to carry the patient out and Hawkeye looked up at the speaker on the wall.
"Radar for my next patient, I'd like something in a waltz." He said.
———-
"How you feeling today Corporal?" Ellie Marie asked, as she checked the temperature of a patient who was laid up on the back right table in the mess tent.
"My gut doesn't hurt so bad anymore." He responded, "but I kinda feel like the main course at Thanksgiving dinner!" Ellie Marie laughed.
"Well don't you worry. I'll make sure no one starts poking you with a fork." She teased.
"And now music lovers! Here's some music you might love!" Radar's voice crackled over the P.A., "it's called….Wish….Wish you….uh I can't read it cuz the record's spinning, but here it is."
"Will you listen to that?" Klinger said, sitting down heavily on the bench next to her as she marked the Corporal's chart and moved on to the next patient, "I hate this song."
"Oh yeah? Why's that?" She questioned.
"They were playing it in the pool hall right before I went in for my physical." He said, "I'd just put the 3 ball in the side pocket. 4 in the corner. Told Hymie to hold my money and I'd be back in a half hour with 4F stamped across my chest."
"So what happened?"
"I walked in there speaking Arabic. I had my eyes crossed, and measle dots painted on my face. It went over like a lead salami."
"Man I would have loved to have seen that….." Ellie Marie said with a giggle. Klinger just shook his head.
"I wonder if Hymie still has my money…." He murmured.
——————
"Have you seen the ridiculousness going on in the Swamp right now?" Kelly asked as she walked through the door into the nurses tent.
"No but let me guess." said Bigalow, "Major Winchester is throwing a Titanic sized tantrum about being displaced, and Hawkeye is taunting him and egging him on because he's physically incapable of not getting involved."
"Yup, you hit the nail on the head." Kelly laughed.
"Where are they even sleeping?" Ginger asked.
"I heard they're all bunking in Colonel Potter's tent." said Baker.
"How the hell are they going to fit all four of them in there?" Ellie Marie asked.
"Our tent's no bigger than his and we fit five of us in here on the daily." Ginger pointed out.
"Yeah but we have bunks. Colonel Potter has a full bed in his tent already." Kelly countered, "and we're much more accustomed to being in each other's space than the doctors in their cushy Swamp."
"You know if they were really trying to do things efficiently, they'd have moved Major Houlihan in here with us, and split the doctor's up between her tent and the Colonel's." Bigalow said.
"You hush your mouth before you go giving them ideas." Ginger whispered furiously and they all laughed.
"Oh come on, the Major's not that bad." Kelly said, "she's actually been pretty nice lately."
"That doesn't mean I want to share a tent with her." Ginger said, "we don't need the boss lady in our space."
"I mean technically Ellie's a boss lady too, and she lives with us." Baker said.
"Yeah but she doesn't count." said Bigalow.
"Hey……" Ellie Marie said indignantly.
"Oh you know what I mean." Bigalow said, "It's not that we don't respect you. You're amazing, and you've been a godsend as far as helping us communicate our opinions and ideas more effectively to the Major. But….I mean come on….you're best friends with Klinger." They all laughed at that one.
"Yeah I guess that one does lessen my intimidation factor." She agreed.
"So I got a question." said Ginger, "and I don't mean anything by it and if you don't wanna answer you can tell me to go straight on to hell, but I've always been curious. I know Klinger's married, and it ain't like that between you two, but if he wasn't. You think you'd be interested? Like do you actually think he's good looking and all that?"
Ellie Marie's heart constricted painfully. She'd up to this point done a great job of keeping her conflicting feelings to herself. Only Hawkeye, and partially Charles though he didn't know specifics, had any idea what was going on in her head and heart. There had been many times she'd wished she could confide in the other nurses, Kelly especially,but she knew she couldn't. In a camp as small as theirs, each person who found out a secret made it all the more likely that secret would get out.
"I mean yeah I think he's good looking." Ellie Marie admitted, "in that rough around the edges, city boy who grew up on the streets kinda way."
"I see that too." Ginger agreed, "I always thought if you could look past all the crazy get ups he was kinda cute."
"And now a rhythmic room-shaker requested by Corporal Max "I Wanna Get Out of Here" Klinger" said Radar's voice.
"Speak of the devil." said Bigalow.
"It'll be coming your way as soon as I put a new fang in the old tone-arm cobra." Radar finished and the mic clicked off.
"Did he just say….." Baker started, but she was interrupted by a knock on the door.
"Come in!" Kelly called.
"Evening ladies." said Klinger, stepping into the tent.
"Hey there Corporal. We just heard your shout out from our resident jive jockey up on the hill." Bigalow teased.
"Yeah he's the coolest of cats isn't he?" Klinger shot back with a grin, before turning to Ellie Marie .
"Can I borrow you for a minute?" He asked.
"Yes, but just for a minute." She said, "I have about a million things to do."
They walked out of the tent into the deserted compound. He took her by the hand and led her to the open area next to the main building.
"Max what are we doing?" She asked.
"Wait for it." He said.e on I have to check in on over a dozen patients before I can go to bed." She grumbled.
"Just wait one more minute." He said. Suddenly the music kicked back in and Ellie Marie recognized the upbeat tune.
"Red Bank Boogie?" She questioned.
"I know Basie is one of your favorites, and you owe me a dance." He said, holding out his hand.
"Max, with everything going on right now do you really think we should be dancing in the middle of the compound?"
"I think everything going on right now is exactly why we need to be dancing in the middle of the compound." He replied, and he grabbed her hand and spun her into his arms, making her heart skip a beat.
"Come on." He added, "you're missing your song."
He spun her away from him, and then back in. Dipping and twirling her expertly to the music. Especially when it came to upbeat jazzy songs, Max was an excellent partner, he was a confident and skilled lead that allowed her to whirl around him without a care in the world. By the time the last notes played they were both laughing.
"Thanks." She said to him, as he pulled her back around to face him, "I guess I really did need that."
"Can't get too caught up in the mess to forget to take a moment for yourself every once in a while." He said.
"Well thanks for always being around to remind me." She said.
"You got it." He replied with a smile.
A few hours later, just before midnight Ellie Marie and Bigalow were doing their final check in Post Op before turning in when Radar's voice came out of the loudspeaker again.
"And now, for the third time tonight….a request from our commanding station manager, that moldie oldie…"
"Oh god…not again." Bigalow groaned.
"Sentimental Journey…." Radar finished, and everyone conscious in Post Op groaned as the first notes began to play.
"What is it with the Colonel and that song?" Ellie Marie said.
"I dunno but if I have to hear it one more time I might make a Sentimental Journey to the minefield." Bigalow grumbled.
The two of them walked down the hill towards their tent and were just a few feet from the front door when all hell broke loose. Margaret started screaming and it sounded like there was someone in her tent with her. Then B.J. and Hawkeye came charging out of the Swamp and ripped open her door just in time for Ellie Marie to catch the end of what was happening.
"Hide me please, they're trying to kill me!" An unknown voice yelled.
"Who's trying to kill you?" Margaret yelled back.
"They are! With that…..needle." The second voice trailed off and a second later B.J. and Hawkeye carried an unconscious man out of the tent, and put him on a stretcher to be returned to the Swamp.
"Don't mind him folks, he's just a volunteer." Hawkeye said.
"Do we even want to know?" Bigalow asked.
"Our AB negative donor," Hawkeye said, "I'll explain later."
"Well well well, what have we here?" He continued with a mischievous grin, as Margaret and Charles both came out of her tent, Charles carrying his cot with him.
"You kids have the whole house to yourself?" said B.J.
"Margaret, if he snores during the night, make him go back to his own cot." Hawkeye teased.
"How dare you!" She snapped, "Get out of here!"
"Don't they make a lovely couple?" B.J. continued.
"Come on. They want to be alone." Hawkeye replied, and they both picked up the stretcher and retreated into the Swamp making whoops and kissing noises. Bigalow watched them go, laughing and then headed into the nurses tent.
"Now you see what I have to put up with!" Charles said, turning to Margaret.
"You and your cot get out of here!" Margaret yelled.
"But I haven't had any—"
"NOW!" She cut across him.
"Fine…" He said, turning away slowly, "It's almost dawn….perhaps there's a nice deserted roof I can sleep on somewhere."
He shuffled heavily down the road towards her, dragging his cot behind him.
"Wow….you really do get around don't you." She said quietly when he was within ear shot. He looked up at her dully.
"I have had less than twenty minutes of sleep in the last 48 hrs, and 17 of those 48 were spent in surgery. If you would like to see my cry, please continue with the jokes." He said.
"I'm sorry." She said, fighting the urge to smile as he walked to the corner of the main building, dropped his cot on the ground, and flopped down on top of it.
Ellie Marie got several hours of sleep before being woken a little while after dawn by an announcement from Radar about new blood donors being on the way. She pulled on her robe and opened the door to the nurses tent to find herself face to face with Klinger who was half carrying a seemingly semi conscious Hawkeye.
"Doctor finally throwing in the towel?" She asked.
"Absolutely not." Hawkeye murmured sleepily, "this man is taking care of me against my will."
"he does that…" Ellie Marie said fondly, "So since you're officially off duty, I take it our boy is doing alright?"
"Yeah…we got the donor blood in him a few hours ago, and he's stable." Hawkeye said.
"What in the world was up with that donor by the way?" Ellie Marie asked.
"Boozer with the bomb disposal unit who's scared of needles." Klinger said.
"That…..sounds like quite a story."
"I'll tell you all about it when I can feel my face again." Hawkeye mumbled.
"Ok Captain…..time to get you to bed." said Klinger steering him towards the Colonel's tent.
"Klinger if I told you once I told you a thousand times. I'm not that kind of boy." Hawkeye replied. Klinger rolled his eyes but shot her a smile over Hawkeye's shoulder.
"Buy you some breakfast after I get this bum horizontal G?" He asked.
"Sounds good Freddie." She said.