CHAPTER 13
Marvel Universe – 616161
New York – Harlem
The wind fluttered by peacefully, softly picking up the ground's fallen leaves in its gentle, caressing, path. One such leaf delicately pressed itself to Miles' foot before its movement was stopped entirely by the interruption.
Miles kept his head down and watched the small dead leaf as it flickered on the ground against his shoe, kept firm in its position. It was helplessly trying to float away again into the unknown, but was failing to escape its barrier. He lifted his foot and allowed the leaf to continue on its journey.
Much like the service for Spider-Man, the words of the funeral processions drifted over Miles, never once finding a comfortable landing within his mind. This time was different however, he was not disassociating for shame of his failure, he was keeping his mind elsewhere.
He held so strongly on to his faith of Peter's survival that the various words of mourning from Peter's friends and family, while heard this time, never truly settled in Miles' mind. That's not to say he didn't still feel the pain of grief from them, he did. But he didn't let it hold him for long, to linger on such thoughts would be a betrayal to himself. Miles was steadfast in his belief that Peter was alive.
With this newfound resolution came guilt, however. One that differed from the feeling during Spider-Man's service; there his guilty conscience stemmed from a sense of failure. At Peter's funeral however, there was another sensation of imposter syndrome, albeit with a different hue; he felt like a pretender. An imposter lying by omission to all of Peter's friends and family. Their pain wholly unnecessary, but by the same measure an absolute necessity should Miles' faith indeed be misplaced.
He cast his eyes around him and absentmindedly felt himself studying the faces of the mourners around him. Nearest him, aside from his mother, were Ava, Danny, Luke and Jessica Jones.
He saw their expressions, they too felt the sting of grief, but he could see the shame on their faces as well. No doubt they felt just as guilty as he. All but Jessica, clearly Luke hadn't yet told her about their theory, or if he had she hadn't been as easily swayed. Perhaps that's why she appeared so anguished compared to the others who, while showing guilt, looked much more self-assured.
Miles and Luke both found the other's eyes as they both seemed to be looking about them. They shared a look of understanding before they each turned away once more. Miles saw Peter's old high school friends and classmates.
He didn't know them all by name, but he knew a few. Flash Thompson seemed utterly defeated as he supported himself by his crutches. He was using his prosthetic legs more often than his wheelchair now, but according to Peter that was a relatively recent development, and he was still undergoing intense physical therapy.
Miles had met Flash a couple of times out of costume, introduced by Peter, his 'tutor', they had talked a few times about their shared trauma; Mr. Negative's attack at city hall. The same attack which claimed both Miles' father, Jefferson Davies, and Flash's legs as he, much like Miles' father, heroically managed to shield several people from blast closest to him by throwing himself at the suicide bomber.
Flash clearly felt Miles' gaze as he looked up at him and smiled softly behind painful eyes. Flash didn't know about either his, or Peter's, life in spider-themed spandex. But nonetheless the message of understanding between them was felt, Flash was uncertain of the specific cause of Miles' apprehension, but he could still see it on his face.
There were others that Miles did not know personally but had heard of such as a tall, slim, Latin American woman named Liz Allan, Peter's one-time girlfriend as a high schooler and old friend.
Then there was the man who was a few years older than the rest but who used to be close family friends with Peter, Eddy Brock. He seemed conflicted, he looked ashamed and his withered and pale face was laced with sorrow at never truly being able to make amends with Peter. He also looked discomforted, tired and was clearly struggling to sit upright, most likely a result of the chemotherapy he had begun undertaking.
Miles wondered for a brief spell how his chemotherapy treatments would affect the Venom symbiote which was still attached, but he did not linger on the thought for long as he continued his observation of the funeral party.
Amongst this group of Peter's high school and college friends were others he did not know such as a glamourous looking blonde woman with a solemn expression who was holding on to Liz Allan's arm in an attempt of comfort.
A slim African American woman with short hair with was stood next to a large, heavy built, Asian American man holding her hand tightly, presumably her partner. Both of them with focused expressions of respect and subdued sadness on their faces.
He did know Rand Robertson however, a well-built African American man, one of Peter's college roommates and former high school friend, Rand's father Robbie also present near the group but some distance away beside J. Jonah Jameson and his wife as well as other Daily Bugle employees such as Betty Brant.
Conversely, Rand, unlike most of Peter's high school friends did actually know of his secret identity after finding him in their apartment passed out in costume one time. While he didn't 'know' Miles as the other Spider-Man, sometimes the looks he gave them whenever Miles stopped by his apartment for 'tutoring' communicated he had figured it out.
After all Miles was introduced as Peter's tutee, but he had never actually been seen studying at the apartment. And considering Peter's life was chaotic enough balancing his Spider-Manning with college and bugle photography, how would he have time to tutor a high schooler? Unless said tutoring was 'extra-curricular' by nature. If Rand did know, he was cool enough not to mention it.
Next to Rand were others that actually did know of his secret identity, Peter's other roommates Angelica Jones and Bobby Drake, Firestar and Iceman. None of them noticed Miles' wandering gaze as their stares remained fixed down with grief.
Kitty Pryde was also present next to her fellow X-Men, she too with an expression that only made Miles' guilt worsen, he averted his gaze lest he invite her to notice him.
Then his eyes finally landed on one of the three main people he definitely didn't want to make eye contact with, Mary Jane Watson.
She had been looking at Miles for a while and when their eyes met, they both froze for a moment. Her eyes were almost as red as her hair as she, like Flash, smiled at him. Hers was more subdued than Flash's yet somehow infinitely more intense. She truly did understand how Miles felt, her trembling upward curl of her lips communicating: 'don't blame yourself.'
Miles felt his eyes mist for a moment as he shared a small, tight, painful smile back. He knew he would have to tell her eventually what the Defenders and himself were planning but it wasn't a conversation he was looking forward to.
Finally, his eyes' journey across the many faces found their last destination, the one he was dreading. He debated looking away, but he felt his heart skip a beat as he realised, he had already began looking at them.
Peter's family were a painful sight to see, both his clone brothers were present, their secret identity as Peter's cousins seeming to be enough to convince most. But still, one would have to be blind not to notice the fact they looked identical to Peter.
Miles studied them for a bit, almost accidentally. He didn't want to look at them, he desperately wanted to tear his eyes away, but he couldn't. He found himself theorising on what their expressions meant.
The blonde clone, Ben Reilly, seemed to be grappling with himself internally. He looked sorrowful, yet it also seemed there was a dark sense of shame on his face, Miles imagined that must be what was causing the twitches of guilt that seemed to be constantly grabbing his expression.
Miles was surprised to even see the other clone, Kaine, present at the funeral, theorising that he was coaxed here by the combined efforts of Jess, May and Ben. He had short, black, hair, and his face showed a visage of furious grief through an expression almost akin to contempt. Not one born from a lack of care, but directly from it.
He seemed to be angrily wrestling with his pain, raging at himself for his own lack of relationship with his now 'dead' blood 'sibling'. It was mixing with a rage towards Peter for causing him such grief, creating a cocktail of aching guilt and sorrow.
Miles' eyes practically leapt away from Kaine; he did not want to be on the receiving end of that tragic fury should Kaine notice his staring.
It occurred to Miles both Ben and Kaine would have sensed his gaze anyway as he felt the mild hum of recognition from his own Spider-Sense when his eyes fell on each of the Scarlett Spiders. Thankfully they didn't acknowledge it, either as a mercy towards Miles or as a means of keeping their own composures.
Jess however did not offer such mercy, as soon as Miles' wandering eyes landed on her she immediately lifted her head and stared right at him. There they were. Her eyes. Looking into him. Through him. He felt their burn as his heart suddenly felt as if it had stopped beating.
This was the first time he had seen her eyes since the event two weeks ago. Miles hadn't even been able to look at her as she sat in unmasked disbelief on a rooftop as told her what happened to Peter on the day Fisk Tower disappeared.
But now they were fastened to his own and they were kind, concerned, gentle, strong. He felt no negativity from them, only reassurance. That made him feel far worse than any hatred he had feared he would see. She was consoling him with a look of pity and empathy.
Why? He failed her. She should hate him. Why couldn't she hate him? It would be so much easier that way, then he wouldn't feel so guilty about lying to her. About not telling her that he believes Peter's alive.
His heart slowly started pumping once more and, although his guilt worsened, he felt a wave of relief wash over him. One that nonetheless hurt in its crashing cascade through his soul.
He felt tears beginning to slowly draw a path down his cheeks as he tried his best to communicate, 'I'm so sorry…' with the slightest twitch in the corner of his mouth. His spider-sense softly cooed once more in a sorry song of empathy as he felt she understood his message.
She did the same, her expression communicating to him, 'You're still blaming yourself... stop' as if she was somehow continuing MJ's message. Unlike with MJ however, he didn't have to infer the meaning. He felt it. While their spider-sense did not allow them to hear each other's thoughts in any actual sense, they did allow them to recognise one another and understand their intent.
Even without spider-sense however, he would have understood what she was trying to tell him. Her face was so strongly decisive that the expression itself felt like a message written for him to read. He nodded back at her and swallowed the coarse, scraping, lump in his throat as he softly nodded in response to Jess' face.
He then allowed himself to do the one thing that had given the strongest sensation of fear he had ever felt, he looked at May Parker. Unlike Luke had described her, she was no longer quiet nor small, she was strong.
She did not look defeated by her grief; she looked as if she had grasped it with a violent chokehold. Her tear-filled eyes were no longer betraying a frail woman who had been destroyed by the death of her son, as Luke had stated she looked when he met her earlier, now she was destroying it.
She was not fighting her heartache but embracing it with a grip so strong that soon it would regret ever attempting to control her. Feeling the pain so much that she would burn through it until there was nothing left to do but to rage at the world for taking her son from her. For making her bury an empty coffin on the day after his birthday.
Yet despite her shattering sobs of absolute, unadulterated, complete and utter, pain. Stood a woman who was so steady on her feet she was practically statuesque. Never once moving to dry her tears. Never once clearing her eyes of the stinging storm of salt water that was falling from them. Never once covering her mouth to stifle the noise that was escaping her lips.
And underneath her expression of violent, maternal mourning was a look that commanded nothing but respect from all those present at Peter's funeral; she looked so proud of her boy for everything he had done in his days on this earth.
She eventually drew her head away from Peter's face on his memorial portrait and stared back to Miles. She drew in a quivering breath and softened her cries for a moment as her crimson eyes met his, he didn't feel afraid to face her anymore. He stared right back at her.
The twitch on her pained face was so minute it could hardly be stated to have happened at all. But Miles felt everything that was meant by it; he hadn't failed her, and she would never blame him.
He was stupid to even consider she might, even for the briefest of moments. Miles gave her a determined nod as his lips twitched slightly in turn back to her.
She returned the nod and looked back to Peter's portrait as she whispered her words, loud enough for only him and the other Spiders to hear, "He was so proud of you, Miles. We all are. Thank you for being there with him." she smiled softly as she spoke.
DC Universe – Earth Prime
Happy Harbor – M'Gann's Apartment
"Thanks for this M'Gann. Sorry about the late notice…" Peter said, before turning to face Wolf, "Who's a good boy? You are! Oh yes you are!"
He was sat unmasked on her sofa; still wearing his costume save his gloves and web shooters which were on the coffee table next to his mask. He was giving violent affection to the giant, genetically modified, wolf (appropriately named Wolf) laying on the sofa next to him. Cupping the large canine's face with his hands as he wiggled them in a playful fashion as he scratched Wolf's head and neck with his fingernails.
"Anytime Peter, I'm glad you reached out I was getting worried about you! It's been a while since our last session… And, Please, for the sake of my sanity, stop apologising." M'Gann replied behind a light chuckle of disbelief as she finished stirring both coffees with her telekinesis and set them on the coffee table before sitting on the chair opposite Peter and Wolf.
He continued stroking the Wolf but halted his high pitch praise of the animal as he replied, "Sorry… I can't help it—Godammit! I did it again… Sorry. Ugh! Sorry, M'Gann my mouth doesn't want to follow my instructions right now… sorry. Shit! Oops… language, my bad."
"Wow… Did you just said 'sorry' five times in one sentence to apologise for apologising, but 'my bad' for swearing?"
"Umm… yes. Sorr—"
"I'm just gonna' stop you right there, Peter… The 'S' word is now banned. You hear me?" She waited for him to nod back before softening her smile and continuing, "You're really not doing okay, are you?"
"Pffft. What do you mean! I am totally A-Okay… You know, except in all the ways that affect me physically, mentally, spiritually, existentially…" He began thinking on his fingers to emphasise each point.
"Symbiotically…?" M'Gann said, inclining her eyebrow as she leant forward slightly.
"Yeah… That too." He sighed heavily as he leant his head back on the sofa "It's my fault really… I got too worked up. I was angry, upset and I think- I think the Other was too."
"What happened?"
"It was a simple assault, you know? A bunch of thugs beating on another guy… Didn't even find out why in the end. I just leapt in like normal but… I was… I wasn't me. I was harsh. Brutal even."
"And then the Slimbiote came out…?"
"Yeah…"
"How did it manifest? Is it full body yet or still just… compartmental."
"The second one. I sprouted tendrils and before I knew it I- We had grabbed the last couple of guys and… Slammed them to the ground. Hard. Then I saw what I did, you know, even before that. It was like I blanked out and just acted on instinct. But if that's what my instinct looks like, I don't want it…"
Peter leant back on the sofa as he sighed, continuing, "Listen I know Batman, Nightwing, and all the rest, they break a couple bones here and there… Maybe put the fear out there as well. But they have to, they can't take the chances I can. I hit harder. Common shmucks like those guys, well I could end the fight with one finger if I wanted… Errr that's not me bragging I just…"
"No. No… I know what you mean. You have powers Peter. Trust me I get it… People like us we have to hold back more. A lot more. This is good… Go on."
"Right. So, seeing the way all their limbs were bent how scared they were. How hurt… I'm meant to be the friendly neighborhood Spider-Man. I'm not Batman, or Daredevil, or even Nightwing… I don't need to scare my enemies. I don't need to hurt them. I don't want to, but we did. Both of us. All cause' I lost my cool…"
"Is that how you were with the Venom symbiote?"
"Yeah… But worse… Venom fed of my anger; it fuelled it. Pushed all my negative feelings to the surface… The Other doesn't do that. It learnt the anger from me…"
"No Peter. It didn't… Listen to it. The Slimbiote is part of you, yes. But it has its own feelings… It wasn't feeding off your negativity. It was venting its frustration, just like you."
Peter felt the strokes of wordless thoughts brushing through his subconscious. M'Gann wasn't just his therapist after all, she was the Other's too. While she spoke with Peter, she also communicated with it to understand its feelings. Not through words, but through brushstrokes of intent.
"But I can't vent my frustration! Neither of us can. Not while we're out there… People will get hurt. People did!"
"I know Peter… But you can't turn back the clock. You made a mistake. You may be a superhero but you're still human. Hey even us Martians make mistakes… Everyone does. It's natural. But you did the right thing by calling me… So, if you're willing, I'd like to get to the source of what upset you in the first place. What made you lose your cool…?"
"Me and Teresa had a… disagreement. It was a stupid argument…"
"Most arguments are… What was it about?"
"I—She said she wanted to tag along a bit… While did my web-slinging thing, you know? And I guess she got annoyed that I wasn't actually letting her get anywhere near any of the fights…"
"Seems pretty reasonable."
"Thank you! That's what I thought… I mean yeah, maybe I was treading into overprotective territory, I don't know! I-I'm not used to being an older brother so can you blame me? I was an only child so it's harder for me to know what's normal…"
"Peter, nothing about your relationship with Teresa is 'normal'…"
"Yeah… I guess you're right. But she got annoyed that couldn't actually see what I was doing. And then Power Girl showed up and quite frankly acted very unheroic…"
"How…?" M'Gann leant forward slightly as her face took on a more inquisitive expression.
"She took Teresa to watch me as I fought off some bank robbers and it was a pretty dicey hostage scenario at the time… Exactly the kind of situation I didn't want her anywhere near."
"Hmmm… I've not really met her all that much to be honest, but that sounds uncharacteristically reckless of her."
"Right? I mean, what sane person would take a civilian into an active danger zone?"
"Did she put her in danger?"
"No… Not directly she kept her away from the violence, thank god! And everything was alright in the end, but still… I don't want her involved in this life any more than necessary."
"Peter… I'm not gonna' defend Power Girl's actions here but umm… Just bear with me…"
"I don't think I'm gonna' want to hear what your about to say…"
"Probably not, but I'm going to say it anyway… Power Girl's a Kryptonian… While I don't think what she did is right, or even all that justifiable honestly, you have to understand… people like her, like me. We perceive things slightly differently. She can react before anything bad could happen, so in her mind, maybe she didn't see the risk she was taking.
"Honestly, even if something went wrong, being with Power Girl is probably the safest place Teresa could ever be…"
Peter's breathed out a frustrated sigh as he spoke, "Maybe… But she wouldn't even be in the situation in the first place if Power Girl hadn't decided to interfere in our business."
"Right. Like I said, I'm not defending her actions just… playing devil's advocate… But that's what caused the argument I'm guessing."
"Yeah… I blew up a bit at Power Girl. Teresa called me overprotective… said I was treating her like a baby or something. I let it slip that I lied about my birthday to protect her—"
"Wait, wait, wait, hold on. What about your birthday…?"
"Turns out my birthday was yesterday; you know relative to my home world. I didn't say anything cause' it was Ben and Terri's day to mourn their Peter…"
"Wow… Happy birthday, I guess… but why did you lie? There has to be more to it than an inconvenience of dates…"
"I—I was scared. Scared that if I told them, it would hurt them… that doing so would snap them out of our shared delusion that we're anything but a family of coincidence… That they'd see me as the interloper I really was… am. An imposter stealing his life…"
"But you've spoken to them… you know you're not those things, right? They don't believe that and neither do you…"
"Yeah, but I was still scared enough to lie…"
"Peter, I may have only met you a couple of weeks ago… but several times since then you've exhibited several symptoms of anxiety… This included. Can I be frank with you for a moment?"
"You're the shapeshifter, not me… though, I don't know what Frank looks like so I can't give any honest critique…" Peter felt the joke uncomfortably jump from his lips as he cringed internally, "Sorry. That's probably inappropriate, right? Maybe offensive too…"
"Peter, what did I say about the 'S' word…? Also, no offense taken. This is good, whatever you need to stay comfortable in this space… it's clear you use humour as coping mechanism."
"Hah! Oh boy do I. It's my favourite mechanism to cope with!" Peter said with a nervous chuckle as he felt a reality check beginning to form in the corner of the room, ready to smack him across the face with a mean left hook.
Ignoring his second joke, M'Gann continued, "But it's also clear that when that fails you use other coping strategies. Like, among others, lying…" Peter began to open his mouth but M'Gann held up her hand as she looked at him softly before continuing, "lying by omission still counts Peter."
She watched as he closed his mouth and dropped his head slightly in defeat.
"I don't know how common this is for you, but based on what you told me it could be more often than even you realise…. These aren't reality shattering lies. No, they're little lies. Merciful ones, to protect others… they come naturally. I believe that you're so used to shouldering all the responsibility that you'd rather take on all your emotional baggage alone than burden others with some of their weight… but this is where I have to be blunt with you for a moment, those lies aren't for others Peter, they're for you.
"This may be difficult to hear, but I don't think you lied about your birthday to protect Ben and Teresa, and least not really. I think, subconsciously, you did it to protect yourself from consequences that you had no real reason to believe would come true, but the fear of which was real enough to convince you lying was the only reasonable choice… and because of that you've ended up facing the consequence of lying on top of whatever else was causing tension between you and Teresa. Sound about right?"
"Yeah… sounds about right." Peter sighed back in response after taking a moment to really consider M'Gann's words, "It only made things worse… and ironically, those consequences I was afraid to face if I told the truth, I think in the end they only came about because I lied… You know what I mean?"
"Peter, I can definitely relate, trust me… I'm going to tell you something now. But I don't want this to distract you from what we're really here for… I'm telling you because you're my friend and I want you to know…"
Peter nodded, inclining M'Gann to continue speaking.
"You see, before the death of the majority of the Martian population, White Martian's weren't treated well on Mars… And as you can see, I am a White Martian. And so was my brother… like our father. But our mother and the rest of our siblings were all green. Like my uncle J'onn. My brother was angry at the mistreatment of the White Martians and chose the name Ma'alefa'ak… He caused the H'ronmeer's Curse that wiped out most of the Green Martians…"
"Holy crap—" Peter let the response slip but was halted my M'Gann softly smiling and lifting her hand, stopping his interruption.
She continued "Eventually the Plague was ended, but very few Green Martians remained, my family were thankfully among those survivors… But there was a power shift. Now White Martians, like me, were the majority and they began exacting revenge on the Green survivors. Because of this, we had to run… My family on Mars were in hiding when we realised the H'ronmeer's Curse hadn't ended, it had changed, now it only targeted White Martians… Nearly all of them died… including my father. That is why I was exiled to earth… to protect me."
"I'm so sor—"
"Peter, I appreciate your condolences, but don't apologise… Even if 'sorry' wasn't a banned word, which it still is by the way, I'm telling you this for a reason… Not for sympathy, but to show you I understand what you're going through…
"When I first came to earth... I hid this from everyone. Pretended to be a Green Martian to fit in… to look more like my uncle J'onn who had already found a place here… I thought I was sparing my friends from my troubles, but really, I was just lying to protect myself… I was worried they'd see me as a monster. In the end that lie caused more damage than me trusting my friends and showing them my true form ever could have…
"Now by no means am I comparing the scale of these lies… but I believe our motivations were similar… Am I right?"
Peter looked dumbfounded for a moment at the reveal before taking in M'Gann's words and settling, "Wow… I—Yeah… I guess they were. But still, wow… I know you don't want my condolences, but either way M'Gann you have them… I'm so sorr—Nope! Aha nearly slipped out there… I won't say the word… but I mean it…"
"Thank you, Peter. But this isn't about me… How did Teresa react to you lying?"
"Yeah, right…" He physically shook his head to readjust his thoughts back to himself, "It hurt her… Caused us to both say some things. I don't think either of us meant what we said but… we still said them. Hard to close that book when it's been opened."
"Wanna' tell me?"
"I don't think the words really matter now, but they weren't nice… And I didn't want to deal with them in that moment, so I just left her. With Power Girl of all people… she's probably watching her put out a burning building or something as we speak…"
"She'll be safe with Power Girl… even if she does take her along to something. But gimme' a moment I'll send word to Superman or Supergirl to pop by and check in…" M'Gann said as she typed out a message on her League issued smart device on the table in front her.
"Thanks…" Peter said guiltily, as if ashamed he hadn't thought to do the same.
"No worries…" She finished her message before looking back into his eyes, her face more severe than before as she spoke invitingly yet intensely "But Peter, I can tell there's more to it than that. Being an overprotective of a younger sibling is natural Peter, especially if you're not having one… But I don't need to be psychic to see that there's something else bothering you… Something else that may have spurred on some of that protectiveness… I can sense a deep anxiety of losing people within you…"
Peter didn't need to respond with words, but the sudden tension in his frame communicated everything she needed to know.
Noticing his twitch, she continued, "I… I sense, not psychically mind you, just intuitively," She said softly, reassuring him she wasn't probing his mind, "that it's a trauma response Peter… Tell me something, have you lost control like this before? Not with the Other, but as yourself… you know, after the Venom symbiote?"
Peter sighed with a tired exhalation of pained breath as he spoke, "Yeah… for a few weeks back home. I grew a bit colder before some friends helped me out of it…"
"Was there something specific that caused you to grow harsher?"
"I—I don't— Y-yes…"
"Tell me about it…"
"I—I can't. It's too painful…"
"Peter, you can't keep bottling up your emotions like this… if you do, you lose control of them and what happened today happens again… I'm not going to break our boundaries Peter, no psychic tricks here, but I can see on your face how scared you are… that you were overprotective with Teresa because you know what can happen if you're not… And because of that you're losing sight of who you are. I don't think it was rage that caused you and the Other to lose control. It was fear, fear of losing everything you've built here…"
"I—I'm not— It's just—I can't…" Peter dropped his head slightly in defeat as he felt warm pools of salty tears fill his eyes.
"I'm here for you, we all are. Dick, Babs even Bruce… We've all noticed it Peter, we can see it in your eyes… there's something dark your hiding from us… We get it, we don't want to push you… That's why I haven't asked the Other about it either. But you need to talk to us… That's why you're here right? To talk?"
Peter closed his eyes tightly and blinked out a few budding tears and he let out the heaviest breath he could. He turned to Wolf who was now sleeping peacefully beside him, Peter gingerly placed his hand on Wolf's forehead and started slowly rubbing his fingers through his white hairs losing himself in the gentle stroking of the animal.
"Spider-Man killed someone… I killed someone…" He said. Dark bluntness battering the atmosphere as his tone seemed to violently displace all the oxygen and replace it with a cold, bitter air of guilt.
M'Gann didn't reply with words but her eyes widened by an almost imperceptible amount as she managed to give back an encouraging half smile at Peter as he turned back to face her once more.
He swallowed before breathing out the rest of his sentence "Her name was Gwen Stacy…"
Gotham City – The Clocktower
"So, what changed this time, Barbara? When you saw him, I mean…" Dinah Lance's voice was calm, soft, soothing; she held her mug in her hand as the thin steam gracefully rose through the air. Dinah was warming her palms with the coffee inside it's ceramic container.
"The Joker…?"
Dinah nodded as she smiled at her friend invitingly.
"I—I don't know… No. That's a lie. Uh, I do know… I just don't want to say it out loud I guess…"
"You don't have to, Barbara… Remember that. I don't need you to tell me… But I think you do."
"When I saw him last year, you know during the Birds of Prey days… When I was still just Oracle—"
"Wait… I don't want to interrupt Barb… But you were never just Oracle, Barbara… You've always been more than whatever mantle you've worn."
"I—Thanks…"
"Sorry… I didn't mean to make you to lose your train of thought. Go on…"
"Right. When he found our temporary base… When he recognised me… He tried to taunt me… He was bragging about what he took from me… And when I saw him, I realised. He didn't take anything from me. The Joker didn't even see me as a person when he shot me. I was a just a tool for him to break my father… Hating him wasn't even worth it. I felt nothing for him. To hate him would mean he broke me… He didn't. I won't lie though, it still felt good to crack him round the face…"
"Understandable." Dinah smirked softly as she looked to Barbara encouragingly.
"Yeah… But this time… When I was back in the suit, it's like I forgot all of that… I just saw him, and it was like all of that was gone and I did hate him. It was all so sudden, like that hate was locked away and all came rushing to the surface at once. I—I lost control."
"Why do you think that was?"
"I guess—I guess it was… Uh—" Barbara sighed heavily as she looked down at her own mug in her hands, staring into the frothy liquid inside as she swished it about softly in her hands, "It was because I wasn't Barbara Gordon anymore… It was like Batgirl still hated him… And she could kill him, and he wouldn't even know it was me behind the mask…
"Like Barbara Gordon didn't exist… Oracle didn't exist… Only Batgirl… But even she was different… She was broken. So, after I knocked him down and I saw him there, lying on the ground, his smile back as he was looking at me, laughing… I just—I couldn't stop myself from hitting him. So, I didn't. I just kept hitting him over and over until suddenly I couldn't move my arm anymore…"
"Because Spider-Man stopped you?
"Yeah…"
"And how did that make you feel?"
"Weak… Angry that I couldn't stop myself… Guilty that I needed his help to stop myself from doing something that hadn't even crossed my mind until that moment... But mostly I felt relieved. Relieved that I didn't have to… That I hadn't become a murderer… Especially not for the Joker of all people.
Dinah looked at Barbara intensely as she was still staring off into her mug. Seeing that Barbara had finished her confession of the soul, Dinah was searching deep within herself for her next words to help bring her friend out of the dark hole she had begun climbing down.
"That's good Barbara… Really good. Listen… I need you to really take in what I am about to say… Focus on that relief. Don't dwell on what you did, think about what you didn't do."
Barbara's head gingerly rose as she looked at Dinah with puzzlement, "But I didn't not… do anything. Peter was the one who stopped me…" She squeaked out, slightly confused by her own mixed wording as her tongue twisted itself in her mouth as she tried to navigate the maze of thoughts she was lost in.
"And that's good. Listen Barbara… I can't believe I'm saying this… do you know what Ollie's favorite movie is?"
"W-what…?"
"Just humor me for a moment."
"Uh no… He's never mentioned it. I'm gonna' guess… Robin Hood?" Barbara said, her confusion evident in her tone.
"That's a close second… His all-time favourite is actually three movies." Dinah sighs slightly as she shakes her head in subdued doubt that she's even entertaining this approach, nevertheless she continues, "The Lord of the Rings… You ever seen them?"
"Um… I've read the books…" Barbara replied with uncertainty.
"Even better. Let me tell you something about Ollie, he loves those movies. Makes me watch them with him every year… Wanna' guess who is favorite character is?"
"Legolas… Cause' of the arrows?"
"No that's who I thought the first time too. But it's Aragorn. And let me tell you something, while I don't share Ollie's fanaticism, I agree with him… And not just cause he's good to look at… Sorry, that's unprofessional. Strike that.
"No, I agree with him because Aragorn doesn't just rely on himself… He leans on his friends. His allies… All of them in that silly fellowship do… And none of them are weak.
"Just like us, the Birds of Prey, the Justice League, the Titans… The Batfamily. We all need help sometimes. And taking that help, even when we didn't ask for it never makes us weak. It makes us strong… And Barbara, you're one of the strongest people I know… You help so many people, always have. You've never needed a costume, or to be able to walk to do that. But sometimes, you need to let other people return the favor."
Barbara smiled with melancholy as she looked down, clearly taking in her friends words before going down a new train of thought. She sighed and spoke frankly, "You know… I never did hate him; the Joker I mean. He didn't take anything from me, becoming Oracle only made me stronger…
"But then the implant was offered to me, and I didn't hesitate to get the surgery, to put back on the suit… At the time I thought that'd make me feel better, that it'd fix this hole that I had convinced myself was in my heart… It didn't. I—I guess… I guess I began to realise there never was a hole, I was imagining it… And that being back in the suit meant nothing, I was still just me.
"And I guess when I realised that I felt like I'd had forfeited everything I had become as Oracle… the Joker didn't take anything away from me… I knew that- know that… So why the fuck did I agree to the surgery so easily?
"He didn't take away anything from me… I did. I took away apart of myself… Why? So, I could become Batgirl again? So, I could walk again? I never needed to be Batgirl again, Steph had it covered… I never needed to walk to help people… I could help just as many as Oracle. More even! So, seeing the Joker again, his sick smile, he had no idea what I'd done… B-but I-I could see myself in his grin, and that was what I hated…
"Why do I get this opportunity? Why me? Just because I'm friends with Bruce Wayne who'll happily foot the bill… How many others would kill for the chance I had?" She chuckled darkly as the grim irony washed over her, "And then… I nearly killed because of it…
"I think when I was in that moment… I realised just how fucked up everything really was… you know, in my life… Every choice I'd ever made was pointless, none of them mattered… How could I be so selfish? I—I sometimes wish I never got the surgery… and then I just feel guilty for taking this opportunity I have for granted when so many others would be more deserving… more grateful."
Dinah hadn't spoken as she watched Barbara go on her journey of the mind, laying thought after thought down on top of each other, overlapping them and creating a tapestry of guilt and pain for Dinah to inspect.
"Barbara… You are many things… Selfish isn't one of them… You have no one to be grateful to except yourself. Bruce may have paid for your surgery, but you put yourself here… Remind me how many times a day do you repeat your physical therapy exercises?"
"…F-four times… Once in the morning. Then at lunch… the afternoon, and then again at night…"
"And how often do you feel the pain in your spine?"
"Always… It—It varies in intensity… But I always feel it. I always will…"
"And how long will the implant be active?"
"I—I don't know. It's experimental… theoretically it could short out at any moment…"
Dinah smiled warmly before speaking with a calm kindness, "From what I gather Barbara, you see this choice you made as an insult to who you used to be… like you've taken something from yourself by getting the surgery.
"But you haven't taken anything from yourself, for better or for worse, what happened to you will always be part of you, Barbara. From all my years doing this, I've come to realise, no one really loses any part of themself. People just… adapt. And everything you have done, becoming Batgirl, becoming Oracle, helping Steph, Cass, us… All of it has been as you. And you adapt… You always have."
Happy Harbor – M'Gann's Apartment
"And that's why you became harsher… Because you blame yourself for Gwen and the Green Goblin's deaths…?"
"No! Yes… I don't know… You don't understand the Goblin… He took her because of me… H-He didn't even see her as a person. Just a tool to try to break me… He tossed her off a bridge like she didn't even matter. But she did… She was one of the strongest people I knew and he just—"
"Peter… You can't blame yourself for what happen—"
"No! You don't… You don't know what you're talking about… the fall didn't kill her. He didn't kill her… I did. I—I thought I caught her… I saw the web catch her and I felt as she was grabbed by it. I felt the tug… I was so relieved. Then I wasn't. It wasn't a tug; it was her neck snapping as the line caught her leg…"
M'Gann looked at Peter as his breathing slowed and his face began to scrunch up tighter as its hue reddened. His eyes became misty as he swallowed and spoke once more, "I was about to tell her everything… Tell her I was Spider-Man. Instead, she found out moments before I killed her… Everything was a lie… In her last moments alive all she felt was fear and betrayal."
"You can't know that…" M'Gann's voice was so slow and controlled that Peter could feel it softly wrap around him like a blanket.
"Can't I? It's the only reasonable thing for her to feel…"
"Reason and feeling are about as opposite as you can get… You can't keep blaming yourself for an accident… As far as I can tell, the Green Goblin is the one responsible for her death… not you. You… you were a kid, Peter. You know as well as all of us, you can't always save everyone."
"But she wasn't like everyone else… She—She was special… I loved her so much. That's why she died… I was the one that—"
"No Peter, you weren't… you tried to save her. It was an accident… Sometimes things go wrong… Sometimes in ways we can't ever imagine… And I know that what happened to you will never leave you, but the important thing is that, while you wear that suit, you never stop trying."
"But how can I come back from that?"
"You can't… You just have to move forward. Feel the pain, its important, but never let it hold you back."
"Even if that pain is why I'm broken?"
"Peter, take this from me, as a shapeshifter… no one is ever broken… People just… change shape."
Peter guffawed slightly as he responded, "and what shape am I now?"
"I can't answer that for you Peter, that's something you have to figure out yourself… But I know that whatever it is, we're all ready to allow that shape into our lives… You just have to let us. Do Ben and Teresa know about Gwen, about what happened to the Green Goblin?"
"Not specifically… They know the Goblin killed people I cared about, but I wasn't ready to tell them everything… It… It still hurts to say her name…" He thought of Harry too, he didn't blame himself for Harry, that was entirely Norman's doing, but it still stung deeply, "all their names…"
"Then Peter, as your therapist and your friend, I think you need to tell them… all of it. Bottling your pain up like this is what I think is causing these outbursts. It isn't healthy for you or the Other… You need to lean on people more or you're going to buckle under the weight of all these secrets… and what happened today will start to happen more often… I think… I think you should tell Batman too…"
"Batman? No, no, no I can't… He's barely let me—"
"Peter… He'll understand. The Joker has been targeting the Batfamily for longer than anyone… If anyone will understand what you've gone through with the Green Goblin, its them… Have they told you about Jason? About why Barbara became Oracle in the first place?"
"I— no. Jason was more of a passing mention… I've not even met him yet. And I… I saw a wheelchair once in the Clocktower, Barbara said it was hers… but… that was it. I didn't want to pry."
"It's not my place to tell you… and don't push them if their not ready but if you're splitting your time between New York and Gotham you need to talk to them. Peter, we care about you… I'm glad you're talking to me, but I can't be your only outlet for these secrets your keeping from everyone… Please, just try to trust us…"
"I do… I swear. I just don't trust myself…" He rubbed his eyes before looking back up to M'Gann with a pained expression, "Hey M'Gann…"
"Yes Peter?"
"Can I have a hug?"
She didn't respond with words, but Peter widened his eyes as she rapidly flew out of her seat and straight through the coffee table between them, grabbing Peter in her arms. He recovered from his shock quickly as he smiled slightly and held her back. Burying herself in her shoulder blade as he blinked away the tears that had once more begun to sting his eyes.
Wolf opened his eyes drearily as he watched the display with loving comfort before he yawned and returned to sleep. Peter couldn't see M'Gann's face, but she felt her own eyes of her semi-humanoid form begin to tear as she absentmindedly externalised her own pain while she looked past Peter's shoulder and her eyes landed on the kitchen chair behind them. Connor's black leather jacket, complete with 'S' symbol resting on the back of the chair.
Marvel Universe – 616161
New York – Harlem
The figure watched the funeral proceedings from afar, his dark brown leather trench coat swaying softly in the spring day breeze as he lifted his head and absentmindedly watched the gentle rhythmic dance of the leaves above. He stood up from the tree he was leaning against and turned as he smelt the scent of another man approaching.
"Surprised to see you here, Fury…" the figure spoke with a gruff tone of indignance and flat contempt as he regarded the other man approaching.
Fury replied as he fixed the shorter man with an intense glare, "I could say the same of you, Logan. From what I could tell, you didn't care all that much for Peter…"
"Hmmm…" Wolverine grunted, though it sounded more like a growl, "Then you're even less perceptive than I gave you credit, bub. I gave him a hard time, sure. But deep down I respected the kid… hell you could even say I liked him. But you…"
Fury just stood there, contemplating the unfinished words of Logan, they didn't need to be said. The blowout between Fury and Spider-Man on the day he quit S.H.I.E.L.D. was borderline common knowledge amongst the superpowered community.
Fury sighed as he spoke, "We had our differences. But I never wished for this… when it really comes down to it, I had nothing but respect for Peter Parker."
"Too bad you couldn't let him know that 'fore he kicked the bucket…"
"Once again, Logan… I could say the same about you."
Wolverine just stared back at Fury before they both felt their confrontation simmer down until it dissipated entirely. They both turned from the other as they adjusted their gaze and watched on as the funeral processions continued.
Several Hours Later
New York – Baxter Building
Miles looked the older man up and down as he took in the apparent new uniforms of the Fantastic Four, "New threads?"
Reed smiled as he exhaled a slight chortle, "New brand entirely actually… The Fantastic Four is no more. We were thinking 'Future Foundation'… How'd you like it?"
The new black and white uniforms looked very sleek, just as form fitting as their previous uniforms but with a new symbol comprised of three hexagonal shapes, two blacked out and one only outlined.
"Snazzy… but why the rebrand?" Miles asked as he continued to follow Reed Richards as they walked.
"We started this family with Johnny… it doesn't feel right to continue it without him. We wanted to offer Peter a spot on the new team but…" He stopped in his tracks as he turned to face Spider-Man, "Sorry we couldn't be there for the service. We all agreed it would be easier for May to not have to explain our presence… She made it clear she wanted Peter's secret life kept… well secret."
"I get it…" Miles shuffled slightly on his feet.
"Right, well…" Reed Richards spoke as he gestured for them to continue walking through the labs, "I hope you passed on our message."
"I did… She thanked you for the flowers by the way." Miles replied as he subconsciously found himself surveying the expensive machinery around him, awe stricken by the numerous engineering feats.
"It's the least we could do… We're going to go by later, offer our condolences in person. But that's not really why you're here, is it Miles?"
"No… it's not."
Reed let out a small chuckle as he continued to lead them to the now defunct, and destroyed, Negative Zone portal, "I figured. Which leads me to what I wanted to say next… You're right."
"What?" Miles' eyes doubled in size as his voice jumped up an octave with hope.
"Not about Peter… I'm sorry, Miles. I don't think anyone could survive that… But what you said about Luke's theory… The Sinister Six were trying to reach the negative zone." Reed's face became noticeably more severe as he said the last words of his sentence and an uncomfortably tense silence fell over them as they reached the end of the labs they were traversing.
They had paused as they reached a metallic doorway before Reed typed out a pass code inhumanly fast with his elasticated fingers. The door slid open and revealed another lab, more baron in its contents but surrounding a battered and barely recognisable portal gate.
"This is the gateway to the Negative Zone… apparently it was destroyed due to a surprise electrical fault a few months ago… at least, that's what we were first led to believe, come with me…"
Miles followed as Mr Fantastic led them to a lone monitor in the corner of the practically empty room, "I won't lie, after you mentioned Power Man's theory this morning, I doubted it. But then I double checked our security footage and I had H.E.R.B.I.E. run a diagnostic scan on the fault that destroyed the portal… on our third check we found something…"
He pulled up a window on the monitor and Miles felt himself checking the camera in the corner as he saw the first frame of the grainy corrupted footage on the computer screen, "Under several layers of encryption, very impressive encryption I might add, H.E.R.B.I.E. found that no electrical fault had occurred, the portal was destroyed by external means… Meanwhile I managed to recover this."
He pressed play as he continued his explanation, "They had managed to hack our security system and provide fake footage of the portal's destruction, but if you look closely…" Miles squinted behind his mask as he saw a blur shoot across the screen, scrambling the footage beyond recognition before an orange flash filled the screen as the footage ended with the portal gate exploding, "See anything?"
"No… It was too fast."
"That's what I thought first time. I won't lie it took me a couple of rewatches to really see it… Let me slow it down for you…" Reed said as he played the footage once more and watched over Miles as he stared at the screen intensely.
The footage crawled until it was practically playing frame by frame, the portal in the video seemed to activate for a moment, opening a gateway into the void of anti-matter beyond. Then Miles' eyes expanded in terror as he saw a green and purple figure fly across the screen on a silver glider, Miles recognised the image immediately and horror shuddered through him as every hair on his body stood on end.
The figure flew straight into the gateway which closed behind them, but not before leaving behind a small, spherical device which appeared no clearer in the footage than several orange pixels, but was undoubtedly the cause of the explosion.
"Was that…? That was a pumpkin bomb, right? I—It can't be… That looked like… But, but he's dead. When was this footage from?"
"About a month before the Fisk tower incident." Reed admitted, not without a hint of guilt.
"And you're only just mentioning this now?"
"We only found out about this now… I had no idea. The Baxter Building is locked tight… This shouldn't be possible… I can name about three people who've ever been able to get past our defences and Peter was one of those three. I never would've expected this…"
Miles rubbed his masked face in dread as he spat back, "Reed! That was the Green frickin' Goblin! How the hell is he even alive?!" He had never encountered the Goblin personally, he had died years before Miles had even gotten his powers, but his image was… Iconic, for lack of a better word.
"I… I have no idea, Miles. But this tells me that whatever the Sinister Six were up to that day was linked to whatever the newly resurrected Goblin wanted in the Negative Zone."
"But I thought Octavius hated Norman Osborne… and why the hell would he destroy the portal? If they really were working together why not just keep it and, you know, sneak in again?"
"Like I said… The Baxter Building is locked tight… It didn't take much for me to find this on a whim, all because you told me about a hunch from Power Man, they hid the portal activation by destroying it. If they did it twice—"
"Right, right… You'd have figured it out. But come on! Surely this just proves that Peter is alive? He's gotta' be trapped in the Negative Zone! We need to help him, he's alone with the whole Sinister Six and the Green Goblin!"
"Miles this doesn't change anything about Peter, I wish it did, but… the readings from the crater of Fisk Tower don't add up. They were clearly trying to reach the Negative Zone, but they didn't succeed… I'm sorry. And even if Peter was trapped there, the Negative Zone is massive, we estimate that its bigger than this universe. With the portal and the collider destroyed, we'd have no idea where to even begin looking… And trust me, there are far worse things in the Negative Zone than Norman Osborne. Peter's gone, Miles…"
"No. I'm sorry about Johnny Storm, really, I am, but I think you're just too scared go back! All this tells me is that Peter needs my help more than ever… I can't give up on this!" Miles began turning away and leaving the room with renewed vigour.
Reed thought about the young man's words for a moment before watching as he turned away, "Where are you going, Spider-Man?"
"Fisk Tower! What's left of it anyway… I'm going to see if I can find whatever you missed. I'll figure the rest out from there!"
"Miles! Spider-Man, I'm sorry, but sooner or later you need to accept the truth… It's not like a sign is just going to magically—" Reed was cut off as an alarm began whirring through the Baxter Building, he straightened his posture before studying the monitor in front of him with a curious expression, "Hmm… well that's new."
Miles paused his exit as he turned and bent down next to Reed, also staring at the flashing red screen, "What's new?"
"My scanners are picking up strong readings of anti-matter, something has just appeared in this dimension from the Negative Zone…"
"Where?"
Reed sighed as he stood back up, "at the site of Fisk Tower…" he turned to face the young Spider-Man and noticed the smugness in his posture, "Don't look at me like that. This changes nothing."
"Uh-huh… we'll see." Miles was standing straight with his arms crossed as he leant his head to side, his body language communicating, 'I told you so.'
Reed sighed again, "I'll get the team… we'll take the Fantasticar. But we need to be careful, we don't know who or what this could be… Trust me, Green Goblin is probably the best-case scenario…"
"Right. I'll meet you there!" Miles said as he began swinging through the lab before being yanked back by Reed's outstretched arm, "Woah!"
"No, you won't, we're going as one unit… I can't risk letting you run ahead and getting hurt. Or worse, jeopardising whatever information we can get from this…"
"Gee thanks… really feeling the concern there, Mr Fantastic…" Miles said as he wriggled free from Reed's arm and landed back next to him.
"Uh-huh… can't risk losing two Spider-Men in one month…" Reed began typing away on the monitor, cancelling the alarm and disabling remotely prepping the hangar, "You know, you're a lot like Peter… rushing into danger with no thought of yourself."
"Thanks… I guess."
"That wasn't a compliment, just a statement of fact. But still…" Reed put his hand on Miles' shoulder as he smiled kindly, "he'd be proud…"
"Errr… Thanks. But dude we need to go, like now!"
"Right. You're right. Let's go…"
DC Universe – Prime Earth
New York, Queens – Parker Residence
After spending a couple more hours at M'Gann's apartment, sharing more tales, both happy and sad, and playing with Wolf for an unreasonably long, and also far too short, amount of time (the genetically enhanced canine finding immense enjoyment in the superpowered game of fetch Peter and M'Gann were able to provide him) Peter returned home.
Peter sighed heavily as he stepped through the front door and saw Ben sitting in the living room, finishing up some paperwork in front of the TV as a broadcast by G. Gordon Godfrey was playing from GBS News. Though 'News' was far too generous of a term.
"Jeez, does this guy never shut up?" Ben said with a heavy breath as he watched as G. Gordon continued his heavily biased interview with the new electoral candidate Lex Luthor, before picking up the remote and changing the channel to another station which showed reruns of old, harmless and wholesome sitcoms.
Ben saw the opening titles of an old classic from his twenties called Hello Megan! and chuckled to himself, "Ahh that's better… Hey sport! Just getting in, huh?" He said as he turned to Peter who was now dressed in his civilian clothes.
"Errr… yeah. Here I am! Just getting in…" He said with a self-conscious chuckle as stood limply in the room, closing the door behind him, "Is Teresa here?"
"Not yet… she's still out with… Supergirl?"
"Power Girl." Peter corrected.
"Right… always get those two mixed up. Listen, kid, she said you had a fight… I get it. But come on, Peter… leaving her with a stranger?"
"I know. I know… I'm sorry. I just…"
"It's fine… I mean it's not fine… I don't want you pulling anything like that again, at least not without running it by me first… But I know Power Girl is related to Superman, she's in good hands… but still. I'd rather you two stay close…"
"You're right… We just… We said some stuff, it wasn't pretty. I needed space."
"I know, son. I heard… Wanna' talk about it?"
"Um… I kinda' already did with my Justice League adjacent therapist… But I do need to talk to you both when Terri gets back."
"Of course, kid, it's about time we properly cleared the air. As a family…" Ben said with a smile before turning back to the TV, "You know, May used to love this show…"
Peter looked up as he started taking in the classic sitcom hijinks on display, chuckling as the titular Megan began clumsily attempting to bake a cake and causing a mess, "Really? I've never heard of it… I don't think we have this back home."
"Heh… It's a classic, come on… we'll watch some while we wait for Terri." He said as he patted the seat next to him.
Peter smiled sheepishly as he sat himself down next to his uncle and shut down the whirring processes of his brain. He found himself laughing along with his uncle as he watched the main character slap herself in the forehead and exclaim, "Hello Megan!"
Peter began to recognise the voice as he realised, he'd been hearing it for hours earlier in the day, she sounded exactly like M'Gann. 'I should ask M'Gann about that…' thinking about it further, he'd noticed that he'd seen M'Gann, Dick and Barbara all do the same gesture as the character on the TV complete with "Hello Megan!" in the past.
'Huh… They must all be big fans…' he thought to himself as he lost himself in the simplicity of the current episode's plot.
Eventually the door opened, and Teresa shivered slightly as she stepped in from the winter evening and hung her coat on the rack next to the door. She looked up at Peter and Ben and momentarily froze as her eyes met Peter's.
Peter stood up and kept his eyes solidly on Terri's as they both became red faced and seemed to pause within themselves. He rubbed the back of his neck guiltily as he broke the tension by speaking with a quivering voice, "Hey…"
"Um hi…" She replied as she cringed slightly.
"First of all, I'm sorry." Peter said plainly.
"So am I." She replied with a half-smile.
Peter nodded as smiled back, "We need to talk… all of us."
"Y-yeah… we do." Teresa replied.
A few blocks away Power Girl was listening in to make sure Teresa made it home safely, after hearing her and Peter's exchange she smiled to herself before ceasing her eavesdropping and flying away.
She continued through the evening air before pulling a curious expression as she heard the faint sound of static from the Justice League comms device in her ear. She landed on a rooftop and brought her hand to her ear as she spoke into it.
"Hello…?" She spoke.
Static was the only reply.
"Hello?" She repeated before tapping her earpiece a couple times to check if it was broken.
"Watchtower? This is Power Girl… Do you need me?"
Again, static.
Growing frustrated she tapped her earpiece yet again before speaking once more, this time much more confrontationally than before, "Hello? Whoever this is, this a secure line… You better hope this is a technical fault, If I find out you've been using Justice League frequencies to pull stupid pranks then I'll—"
"Red Sun."
'Power Girl' froze when she heard the phrase and felt her hand drop to the side as all thought within her ceased and she became a statue where she stood.
"Galatea. Ready to comply." Her voice was robotic and monotone as she spoke, no personality present, as was the desired affect of the code phrase implemented in her since her creation.
"Return to base for inspection and report."
"Copy." She said before flying off into the night towards Metropolis. Toward Cadmus. Toward her father.
Author Notes:
A bit more dialogue heavy this one but fear not, more action is coming as well as more LOOREE…
Several scenes in this chapter have yet again been pushed back to other chapters for conciseness but the pacing will probably be better I won't lie.
Also bit of an exposition dump from M'Gann as well I won't lie. But that's because I want to clarify this is NOT the Young Justice continuity… It shares some similarities but isn't the same. The Martians are mostly dead in this reality, save a few survivors. Also, Connor, though dead, was more similar to the comics in terms of costume and was more of a public figure, but more similar to the show for characterisation. Don't matter now though, that bitch dead… or is he?
As for the two 'therapy' scenes, I'm not an expert on mental health, nor have I ever been in therapy (though it'd probably help lol) but one of my main ideas from the get-go was this idea of my versions of Peter and Babs as two people who are kind of in similar places in their lives but who cope differently. (Also yes, I did steal the Lord of the Rings thing from a meme I saw on Twitter, sue me.)
Barbara needs to talk and externalise her thoughts herself and figure out her own problems with someone who will give her a safe space and listen, while Peter I feel is more the sort of person who will always blame himself and will struggle to truly understand his own thoughts and sometimes needs someone else to spell it out for him. But both of them need to learn to accept the help of their friends around them including each other.
This isn't because I necessarily am trying to 'ship' them, romance isn't the focus of this story, I'm more at a point of 'if it happens it happens' but at the end of the day, I write what comes naturally to me and if that puts them together it does… If it doesn't, then either way, their arcs are inherently connected. They mirror each other. Or at least I hope they do; I hope you've noticed some of the linked ideas and paragraphs between them in earlier chapters…
This is the same with Miles and his 'imposter syndrome' of being the 'only' Spider-Man and Peter's as he fills the life of another Peter. Again, I hope that's been shown… I think a couple of people picked up on that which I'm very happy about.
I don't want to spell out my intentions too much cause that does kind of spoil the any of your interpretations as readers, but hey… I just want to say it now… That's one of my main intents. These three are all linked in their character arcs…
What I do want to say is this, I know there are many people in the fandom of DC who aren't big fans of Barbara coming back as Batgirl. For entirely valid reasons I might add, but after much consideration before I even started writing I decided myself to still stick with that part of the DC canon although I do wish I approached it differently earlier...
I understand many people view Barbara returning to Batgirl as disability erasure and I definitely understand that view, and to an extent I agree, but I have also found that some disabled readers online do not see it that way themselves so if the issue is a point of disagreement across the board there is no easy way to incorporate the issue without upsetting people anyway.
I have even seen an article of a man in real life who has undergone similar surgery as Barbara's 'implant' and is able to walk some distances as well as use the stairs so if we're at a point in real life where this type of technology is feasible (albeit experimental) why would we diminish the choice of a fictional character to take the option in a sci fi setting where the technology is much more feasible?
In my view, although please if anyone disagrees, I would love to have an in-depth discussion about this, Barbara having the treatment does not detract from her status as a disabled character in anyway, she will always be as such.
She will face different challenges as someone who has undergone the experimental treatment but in no ways does it erase the trauma, both physical and mental, however I tried to communicate the guilt she might have by choosing that option when others would not have the opportunity as well as the idea that the implant would still be an experimental treatment causing chronic pain and other challenges.
In my view, the implant (while fiction right now, though as I said there is a man with something similar IRL) is no different than a deaf person CHOOSING to have a cochlear implant to give a sense of sound, however it is known these treatments are NOT perfect and do have side effects.
Ideally, the world we live in should be more inclusive to people with disabilities and that is not something I will ever change my stance on and that I hope everyone reading this agrees on. Our world is so unfit to accommodate so many people and that needs fixing. But by the same measure, if people wish to use the technological advancements to regain a sense of function that they may have lost, then people are welcome to that.
To say Barbara is an example of disability erasure, to me, is the same as stating characters with robot limbs are also disability erasure as our prosthesis technology is in no way advanced enough for the stuff that, say Bucky, is able to do.
What is important is that Barbara never diminishes the fact she IS disabled. But also, that she never claims to have lost a part of herself. She did KINDA think that in CH4 and that's what caused her trauma to take over and for her to finally feel hate for the Joker (which is really misplaced anger at her own guilt) but that was more of an attempt at unreliable narration of her rage filled mind and Peter's own perception.
In hindsight, I handled some of Barbara's issues in ch4 a bit heavy handedly, but I tried in this chapter to fully give context to why she acted as she did. (Lowkey this was meant to come a lot earlier, but I never found the time to add it to earlier chapters… my bad)
As a final point I do wish to state that although I believe the choice by DC to bring Barbara back as Batgirl was problematic by nature, so too was the choice to have her be paralysed by Joker a fundamentally sexist one. What matters is how these characters grow from the problems thrown at them. How do they 'change shape' as it were. Having Barbara walk again, while still problematic, does not erase her status as a disabled character in my opinion.
Again, please let me know if you disagree, I really believe this is a topic that becomes very divisive among fans, but that is far more nuanced than a lot of people give it credit. At the end of the day there are many disabled people who disagree with the choice, which is entirely valid, but there are also disabled people who don't and that is just as valid.
What is important is that able bodied people do not speak over those that have similar experiences but instead listen and try to understand the reasons behind their thoughts.
Sorry, weird monologue over. I'm not trying to earn brownie points, nor am I trying to cause any arguments, please don't be rude about this it's a very important issue. But I simply wanted to share my thoughts…
Love you all,
Pleas PM me or leave comments if anyone wants to share their own thoughts,
Also, I've started using italics for emphasis rather than bold. I may go back and fix the earlier chapters. I may not…
Until next time,
Fumble :)