🌸Cherry Blossom Palette🎨
🎨Chapter 43: Navel-gazing🎨
Written by EmtenDew
Edited by P. serrulata
Author's note:
PS: What happened with Chapter 42/43 sucked. Lost the final product and salvaged two chapters from it. It happens. At least it wasn't a total loss.
ED: My apologies for my screw up last week. We recovered the remainder of last time's original finished chapter and did some reworking. We also edited portions of the next chapter into this one, and I think it was a good idea.
The chapter is sizable, but it's not as long as Chapter 41.
This time, Naoto is alone with his thoughts and actions again. It gets a little hairy, but this is a teen-rated story in the first place. I have seven brothers, so…
Again, I thank my editor for his willingness to put up with some of the personal and embarrassing stuff I know I put him through. And for his own "input and knowledge". He says it's all part of editing and that in the past, he even aided authors with their MLP clop-fics, among other things, but I think readers already know this. When someone submitted a story to his editing group, he agreed to help the author, and he saw it through, even when Fluttershy swallowed a willing Rainbow Dash whole and alive like a snake, pooped her out, and ate her again. Maybe he changed policy after that.
I did feel better after hearing that with stories like the above, he only aided in grammar and punctuation but didn't "enhance their storytelling" like he did with non-clop stuff he considered worth his efforts. I guess that was his policy.
I'm pleased to know that my story is "entirely salubrious" compared to what he was used to working on.
All the same, I thank him. For those of you following my story on Reddit, please give him a little love sometime for his hard work and for freely putting my story and himself out there in that largely hostile place. And I make sure to tell him when users on the other sites give him their kind regards, so please know that HE knows that readers appreciate his help.
Next time, Naoto's study group finally disbands, and the young artist makes up his mind about a certain subject he means to include in his portfolio.
Please look at the Q&A section I set up at the end of the chapter. Ask us anything, and we'll add another section in the next chapter. I would be happy if you ask questions.
Please enjoy what I wrote.
Friday, July 12, 2018
After confessing to Naoto Hachioji exactly how she felt about the overly-assertive behavior he'd exhibited several times and a few painful things from before she'd ever even met her senpai or any other student at Kazehaya High, Sakura Inori felt… better, if that was the word.
She was at least ready to stand up and get on with Thursday.
Whether it was ordinary or inexplicable for senpai and kohai to move on after falling that far into the dumps and have a normal time together, the "second half" of their evening had opened with Sakura's comical—but not implausible—definition of a pervert, and things just sort of snowballed from there.
But the rain they'd been expecting—and doing nothing about—had finally reached their little city, and Naoto had offered to take his friend to one of her classmates' places for the night, whilst he waited out the storm in a café or something, eating and studying.
This was meant to be where they parted, but Sakura had other ideas, and she'd proposed they get some dinner.
She wouldn't hear "no" out of him, and before Naoto knew it, he'd been taking shelter from the storm, sitting Indian style across from her, a tiny, metal-wire mesh grill in between them, inhaling kalbi and having the time of his life.
An hour-and-a-half later had seen them stumbling through the streets, nursing their gorged abdomens, and Naoto—just as he was certain that the gal was his friend—had come to another conclusion:
Sakura was hilarious.
He'd already established that she was funny, but her unshackled mind gave rise to all sorts of strange and wonderful commentary on life.
And she was inventive, conceiving of a celebration to commemorate the coming into the world of the aftermath of his surplus feeding at the yakiniku place.
Where did she come up with that stuff?! A baby shower for a few lumps of shit?! In the bathroom?! Signs warning, "Beware of Falling Rocks"?!
To his chagrin, he visualized himself, panting and writhing on the toilet, the girls holding his hands and encouraging him to breath like they taught him in the Lamaze classes he'd never taken, awaiting the wonderous miracle of excretion.
Oh, damn it! Naoto pulled a disgusted face, outraged at his own inventiveness, chortling into his hands. That's insane!
And all that was after Sakura had amused herself by drumming on his expanded gut, touting it as ready to burst like a ripe watermelon, looking, sounding, and feeling just like one!
…
The "watermelon tummy" thing?
That was just good, silly fun.
Next to that…
The "crap christening"?
That was heinous. It was sidesplitting, but it was wack.
And he'd been "assaulted" with other absurdities in the last 12 hours, namely Sakura telling Hana about her little problem the day the gal had taken his derelict ass to lunch.
He'd just told himself he was going to stop thinking about that entire scene, but it was difficult when it had just happened 12 hours earlier!
Maybe I'll just stop worrying about them POSSIBLY knowing I listened in!
"…" It seemed like it might work for him.
Mmhmm…
Perchance, Sakura had forever and unknowingly ruined his enjoyment of pickled plums.
He couldn't decide if her lunacy about dropping the kids off at the pool was worse than hearing her compare a blood clot stuck to her… cotton mouse… to the tasty, little stone fruit adorning the rice in so many bento boxes.
They were both out-of-this-world nasty.
But…
Eek! A mousey~!
…
Yeah… Naoto had decided. The white mouse scurrying away with the pickled plum, its pelt and whiskers dabbled crimson, took the prize…
Maybe only Heaven knew what recess the gal had pulled that gem from.
Or maybe Hell knew…
…
What had happened next was kind of sad to Naoto.
Sakura knew she was a little off-kilter. And she knew—or at least, felt—the way she took in the world and threw it back was unbecoming of a well-balanced lady.
Whether or not "regular" women were hereditarily-inclined against sociopathic bouts of inspiration didn't matter to Noato.
What mattered was his fetching friend didn't feel comfortable being herself, and she'd worked hard to "blend in" by standing out, the fearsome gyaru boys (wet) dreamed of and girls reviled.
But she was kindhearted! She was imaginative! She was funny! She was beautiful! She was fascinating! She could be weirder than shit!
Naoto loved it! He wished the whole world could see what he'd seen!
And she found him funny!
With the elegance of a three-legged giraffe crossing a tightrope (not far off from where he might find himself, were their positions reversed), she'd summed up a lot by telling him this:
Just remember that you're funny… but you're not a clown. Please trust me. I wish I could explain it better…
She'd explained it well enough.
And it had warmed him.
Then, from there, they immediately fell into another act of ludicrousness, Sakura convincing him to check her tummy for the consistency of watermelon, having eaten an impressive amount herself!
…
That aside…
…
I'm sorry for… weirding you out all night…
Sakura had begun their final stretch of the night in this way.
What does a man do when a girl apologizes for simply being herself? For having a little fun?
"…!"
For her wounds …?
…
Naoto hadn't done as well of a job as he might've.
Deep down, I'm just a weird girl. Always have been.
She'd piled that on top.
I keep bitching about wanting people to like the real me, but I'm just running my mouth. I should just be grateful that Hana-chan… and you… seem to feel that way, even if you're not seeing it all.
It had just kept coming.
At least, I hope you feel that way…
He did feel that way. He felt it very strongly. But his heart ached at what she'd said next.
I think what gets me the worst is… maybe I am taking advantage of Hana-chan.
It physically hurt, hearing her say that.
…
What DOES a man do when his wonderful friend bewails who and what she is?
Naoto hadn't been sure, and he still wasn't sure, but he'd most definitely taken a flying piss in the wind at it.
He'd told Sakura the truth—the excruciatingly gawky, tremendously ungainly, and wholly graceless truth.
"Going all in" appropriately abridged what Naoto had done.
Wild horses shouldn't have been able to drag it out of him… that which he'd given freely.
The gal could've answered that a nearly infinite number of ways, but what she'd done was making more and more sense:
She'd made sure the emojis surrounding their names in each other's phone's contact-lists "matched" as hers did with Hana's.
…
For everything that had occurred, there were few things Naoto was regretting.
One of the things giving him reason to do a little "Monday morning quarterbacking" was the promised question he'd asked, the one earned via Sakura's little game from earlier.
You just had to ask if she'd been setting you up the whole night, didn't you?! Naoto dearly wished he hadn't suspected such a ridiculous thing, but it wasn't exactly ridiculous.
Sakura had dropped such a bomb on him, her penchants and her agonies, that anyone might've thought she'd been premeditating.
Mercifully, she'd understood.
And then, notwithstanding all the fuck-ups he'd fashioned, she'd thanked him for seeing her all the way to her classmate and friend Mari and had essentially blown him a kiss, granted he'd been patted on the cheek in place of her lungful sending it over.
…
…
…
Yeah, that takes it back to now… Naoto sighed, wishing he'd shut off the ceiling light and turned on his bedside lamp instead.
"…"
Bleh…! The young artist rolled to his right side, mostly to escape the intense light from above.
As multifacetedly enthralling as the day had been, he wanted to think of something else.
…
Maybe…
The near future… He smiled to himself.
It might've technically been Friday, but Friday didn't "arrive" until after he'd slept, so he could think in terms of "tomorrow".
They'd likely have a full room for lunch. Gamo-chan was pretty resolute in her desire to hammer out as many summery-type things as possible—before finals.
Is she actually confident she (and everyone else) would pass everything? Naoto could never tell with her. Maybe she's just latching onto something.
He still clearly remembered how desperately she'd wanted her Christmas karaoke party to be a success, but only she, Yoshi, and Nekoba ended up attending. Her pursuit of it and cementing herself to it, despite the turnout falling through, had been rabid.
But she does have those study printouts I gave her…
She'd said a few things in chemistry had come clearer than ever before, so that wasn't nothing.
I suppose we can all be happy—especially her—if she does better than normal.
Improvement definitely wasn't nothing!
Naoto knew perfectly well how much Gamo-chan wanted to do karaoke with a big group, and yes, he'd "keep a couple of days open", just as the big girl wished.
He so wanted Gamo-chan to do well on her exams.
I hope everyone passes… and that they do well enough that they're not stuck in summer school…
Either way, extra classes wouldn't ruin an even bigger summer attraction:
The beach trip(s)!
Oh, did Naoto look forward to that!
And one couldn't forget the couple/three summer festivals they'd be attending!
A thought amused Naoto in particular. It won't take much to get Shuu and Tohru to tag along for all that!
Naoto willingly admitted he wasn't cream-of-the-crop man-candy, but he had Y-chromosomes and a pulse, so he'd do. The same could be said of his two pals.
Why not treat us as a set of three? He was positive Gamo-chan would want those two along.
It was only a matter of how she threw out the question.
Will she lead into it? Will she come right out and ask?
He couldn't know, but it was nothing to worry about… only a slight distraction.
…
Perhaps, best of all, he'd still get to spend more time with his little study group, even after the semester ended.
How much fun would it be to just spend a couple days a week with Sakura and Hana, knocking out their lame summer homework?
Plenty! Naoto grinned, answering the decidedly rhetorical question. More snacks, more laughs, and more palling around for the girls (not that they need me for that)!
…
The best?
…
Well… maybe it wasn't the best.
Naoto was looking forward to spending time with all the girls, but he especially wanted to spend a LOT more time with Nagatoro.
He missed her. He'd only seen her in passing since Saturday, and that… hadn't been a great day.
But it's not like she'd meant to hurt him!
And he'd made the decision to not overthink all that… at least until he didn't have exams to worry about.
I can't stay sore at Nagatoro forever! He knew it wasn't doing him any good. She went too far, yeah, but maybe I'm just being oversensitive…
Once they weren't so busy, he'd make progress with her.
He knew that he would.
I need to tell her the truth!
…
The truth…
…
Naoto had told Sakura the truth.
As plainly as was plausible, he'd let her know just how swell of a chick he thought she was.
Gamo-chan?
It had been in part to assuage her guilt about frightening him, but he'd told her about how he'd occasionally just panic, unsure why it happened. He'd never said that to anyone.
Yoshi?
He hadn't told her much, but she knew how much Sakura and Hana's friendship meant to him, as well as how much he'd enjoyed his time with the gal and their shared kohai. Gamo-chan had heard that too, he couldn't forget, and he was sure that Yoshi would at least listen if he wanted to tell her something else of import.
Nagatoro?
If he told her just how great he thought she was, she'd call him every mean name she had in her decidedly unimpressive vocabulary, turn it back on him, and probably hit him.
If he told her about the world sporadically closing in on him, he was quite certain that she'd laugh him out of whatever room they were in.
If he told her how much he loved spending all that time with Sakura and Hana, doing everything they did, there was no telling what she'd do or say to him.
What did it mean, being able to drop his guard, to believe in the gal and the Amazon and even Yoshi, when he couldn't even open himself to Nagatoro…?
He'd just answered THAT question too, hadn't he?
And he'd done so before he'd even asked it! Three times over!
…
Cut it out, Naoto! He lightly pinched his own upper-arms, digging himself out of that hole. Nagatoro's your friend! And you're gonna tell her how you feel!
He would!
I said I'd worry about all that later, and that's what I'm gonna do!
He had so much more to do before that!
Think positive!
…
Naoto did have a lot going for him.
He was alive, always a positive!
Yeah…
He had friends that cared about him…
Parents that loved him…
Summer break was only a week away…
Exams would be manageable…
And he didn't really have to say "goodbye" to working alongside Sakura and Hana!
Yeah…!
They'd just have a different goal!
…
"…!" It struck Naoto.
…Yeah…!
It struck him that he wasn't that worried about the end of their time studying anymore.
It'll be different! But we'll still be together!
And if he could prove himself useful to his kohai… then all the better.
He wanted to be useful.
He wanted to help.
…
And…!
…
And that awful "about to cry" sensation was nearly gone.
That all-encompassing, shitty, empty feeling plaguing most of the week was faded.
It wasn't gone-gone; he could tell because he'd known the feeling for long enough to become familiar with it.
It had been masked more than once in the last few days, but it had still been there.
At last, it was leaving…!
Naoto was sure of it.
And it had probably begun to happen about the time Sakura told him that things weren't really over.
I still can't believe Sunomiya thought she needed permission for her and Sakura-san to do schoolwork in our clubroom!
That they wanted to spend more time in the art room—with him—was the best news he'd heard in several days.
…
Yes…
Naoto did feel better.
Provided, he couldn't see his feet without lifting his head, the abdominal portion of his body stretched that day further than he'd maybe ever known, but the Hellfire raging had been calmed by a few antacids and the contents of his bowels escaping, akin to cockroaches disappearing when the kitchen light turned on.
And it seemed he'd gotten his mind right.
"…"
But there was one problem.
Naoto was suddenly uneasy.
There was this… agitation building, and he wasn't sure where it had come from.
He'd had enough insomniac-type nights in his time on this Earth to know when he wouldn't be able to fall asleep.
In light of how long he'd been up, that he couldn't just nod off into the dreamscape baffled, but he was wide awake.
There was something inside of him, wanting to get out!
On some of his restless nights, albeit rarely, he'd step outside for a little while and walk or take in the evening air.
That always calms me down…
But tonight, he could barely move.
What do I do?
…
…
…
Maybe I should jack off… That usually knocks me out…
And it would most undeniably rid him of that something inside of him, wanting to get out.
Yeah, maybe…
Naoto hadn't done it since Sunday night.
By no means was he a habitual onanist. Normally, he only did it one or two times a week, rarely more.
Some young men, every time they lie down or have 10 minutes of alone-time, they grab a few tissues and rub one out.
The young artist had done it five times in one day, out of inquisitiveness, just to see if he could do it, but he was a "one and done" sort of fellow.
Thoughtfully and purposefully blow a load—
Sploot!
And he was done for three or four, maybe even five days.
My guy-friends…
Naoto tried to push their own habits out of his mind, but it's not like he was clueless regarding such.
He knew that Shuu flogged the flute like a mentally-abused spider monkey, housed alone in a one cubic meter cage.
The dude feeds the geese in a month, what I do in a whole year!
He wasn't as sure about Tohru, but he knew his diminutive pal kept his hand in enough to level himself.
How do you think he stays so cool and nonchalant?!
…
And… the girls in his life?
"…"
It was beyond him, brooding over this. I can't imagine…
But almost everyone did it, he comprehended.
…
Yeah, maybe I should just do it!
But—
Then I'll have a sweaty ass! And then I'll STINK like ass!
Naoto wasn't a fan of "swass".
He usually tried to "exorcise" himself before bathing. He liked going to bed clean.
Sunday night had been special, and he'd resorted to taking a hooker shower Monday morning.
I'm in no mood to get all gross again—not right after taking a shower!
He'd been curious, and he'd once read the reason the lower-back and buttocks sweat so much during masturbation or sex is because the increased and constant blood flow to the pelvic region heats the area.
It took a lot of blood moving to keep an erection going, no matter how extraordinary or uninspiring a man's unit was.
…
Naoto had concerns about size, though he needn't have.
He wasn't hung like a horse or anything, but no woman would laugh at that little critter if it popped up to say "hello".
If he put less stock in what he saw in porn videos and instead—every so often—cautiously glanced around the boys' locker room or the public bath, Naoto "of the 17 cm" Hachioji would know that lil' Naoto was nothing to scoff at.
And lil' Naoto?!
For those into firearms-lore and aren't down with the metric system, "Dirty Harry" wouldn't have been an inappropriate name for the not so inconsiderable fellow. And that was before Smith & Wesson shortened the barrel on the 29-2 in '79!
(ED: WTF, PS?)
(PS: It amused me.)
…
Back to the story—
Be that as it may, unknown as was the preceding, Naoto didn't want to wind up with a case of swamp-ass and the subsequent mess!
Stop thinking with your lower head, and think with your actual head, Naoto!
He could just read a little manga or shut off the lights, encouraging a more restful atmosphere.
Standing up, a little effort needed, he shut off his ceiling light and turned on his bedside lamp.
Lying down, he could already see the improvement. That's better!
Able to relax his eyes, he pondered what to read.
Hmm…
And he had it!
I haven't read Chapter 356 yet… the one split across two issues…
Naoto had been reading Berserk since starting middle school, and it hadn't taken long to catch up, considering Miura had virtually stopped putting out chapters when he was a kid.
If releasing manga installments was compared to human metabolism, Miura had the metabolism of a glacier!
But Naoto loved the series! Seeing a new chapter was always a joy! It would pick up again at some point, he was sure.
And he had #9 and #11 of that year's Young Animal, though he hadn't even cracked them!
That sounds great!
Berserk wasn't exactly the most soothing reading, but he'd enjoy it!
However, he'd already lain back down, and he kept his Young Animal volumes on his top shelf. He'd need to stand on a chair to reach them!
Fuck it, I'm not getting up again unless I have to take a leak!
"…" He knew there had to be something closer… something at hand.
…
And…
There wasn't!
Right… I did this on purpose… Naoto had put away all the manga kept within an arm's length of his bed.
He'd done this to keep distractions at bay, focusing on the end of the semester.
The same as whipping skippy, he hadn't read any manga since Sunday night, and he'd made a point to put away the best part of his Saturday afternoon with Nagatoro, that being the day he'd bought the new volume of School Rumble Shining, when he'd wrapped up reading the three chapters that he'd set out to read.
…
Damn it! Is there anything to read?!
…
Turns out, unless he wanted to study, there was nothing to read within his lazy grasp.
And he didn't want to resort to reading anything on his phone.
That seemed to be the end of it!
I ain't studying! I'll just shut off the lamp and try to go to sleep!
Yes, he'd do just that!
As stuffed as he was and as long as he'd been awake, there was no way he would stay awake for long.
Just clear your mind, Naoto…
Ergo, he killed the lights and set about clearing his mind.
…
No worrying himself sick over exams, not that he was…
No worrying about oversleeping; he'd wake up when he was supposed to in the morning, and he'd be fine.
No worrying about breakfast; he'd have time.
No worrying about Gamo-chan and the fact she may not do as well on her own exams as she wished…
No worrying about Yoshi, for that matter! Twin-tails was probably studying harder than ever before, and she maybe had a fighting chance to do reasonably well in testing.
No worrying about—
…!
Nah, he was never all that worried about Sakura passing, especially once she'd shown she was serious about studying.
And he'd been far from worried about Hana, her grades in the top quarter of all freshmen.
They'll do well… He had no reason to think they'd not.
…
And no worrying about Nagatoro!
That could wait.
No worrying about all the times she'd gone too far with teasing him…
No worrying about being honest with her…
No worrying about how she might react when he tells her how he feels…
And he definitely wouldn't worry about how awful his "date" with her had been on Saturday.
He wouldn't think about that obnoxious trick she'd played, hiding behind the curtain of the dressing room… or how mean she'd been about it…
…
That had been nuts!
He'd been able to keep his cool, convinced she wouldn't show him herself while wearing the swimsuit she'd chosen.
But when her knee had parted the curtain…
And the lower-half of her thigh and the upper-half of her calf had followed…
Then she'd extended to him—pointing at him as if she could see him—her bare foot…
And when she'd wiggled her toes at him, saying all she'd said…
…
That had broken his resolve!
And it became another of the questionable memories barely hidden away in the fore of his brain, along with all the other sexy things she'd "given" to him, whether she'd meant to or not!
…
He hadn't wanted to, and he withal hated himself for doing it, but he'd used Nagatoro's malice from Saturday as fuel for his Sunday night session.
He was filled with self-loathing, yes, but in a way, it didn't even matter!
With a few lies to oneself, it was like… getting off on someone you didn't know! It was more of an act than of a person!
It was easy to overcome such mental hurdles when you just cast aside the issues complicating everything!
Detachment!
Detachment was the key!
It was like the old saying, "everyone loves sausage, but nobody wants to know how it's made or where it came from".
Or something like that…
Maybe it was more along the lines of a journey being agreeable, even if the final destination wound up being Hell.
…
It seemed pretty sick, getting off on something done with such meanness, but its use had surely been productive!
…
Oh, you little cocktease… That was so HOT!
Naoto knew how wrong it was to envisage Nagatoro… his friend… the girl he loved… in such a despicable way, but he could live with being a little dirty…
In the heat of the moment, he didn't care.
After all, he was dirty! She'd told him so at every cunting turn!
And was all she did to him not dirty?!
…
Abso-fucking-lutely not! Naoto raged.
The things she pulled could be revolting!
And half of them could advance his clock from six to midnight in about 15 seconds~!
His spank-bank was overflowing with the crap she'd done to him!
Opening the vault a little wider, his favorite—even more so than seeing her naked in her own bath and lying about it to her face (on a screen, mind)—was the "stockings incident".
It hadn't even been touching her and sliding on that stupid stocking, covering up the bareness of one-half of his favorite set of legs, that had ruled his urges.
It was the teasing! Naoto knew how messed up it was to fantasize over something that could hurt him so badly, but it wasn't that same kind of teasing.
There was a difference between the teasing that got his pecker to rear up, waving a little cowboy hat, belting out, "Why-yi-yi-yippie-yi-yay-yippie-yi-yo-yippie-yi-yay!" and the kind that left him wanting to bury himself in his bedcovers and cry.
A pat on the back to those guessing the former!
The mental picture of Nagatoro's toes trailing the rest of her foot out of her school shoe, one leg and then the other, and her subsequent dangling and wriggling and spreading and flexing and scrunching—all significantly less than one meter away from his face—had seen him close to fainting a few times when he'd utilized it, solo-dancing the tube-steak boogie.
…
…
…
"Fuck!" Naoto cursed out loud and punched at the boner he hadn't even noticed developing.
He'd lost himself in the wilderness of whimsy, and he'd been directionless for a while before finding his way back to his campsite.
And while he was gone, some kind individual had pitched his tent for him!
As convenient as this was, given his edging, his mind had been made up, and he was going to stick to it.
It was no time to be making knuckle children…
No doubt, he would get sweaty anyway, sporting an erection and letting it hang around (or rather, stand up), so he encouraged it to go away.
And it quickly did.
You idiot… Get your mind out of the gutter!
Pleased that his brief stiffy didn't saturate the back—or the front—of his boxers, Naoto shut his eyes and tried another time to clear his mind.
…
…
…
Boo…!
It wasn't happening, emptying his head, but he did manage to get his consciousness out of the sewer.
…
Naoto turned his musings to the subject of art.
It was refreshing!
Art wasn't dirty.
It wasn't dirty at all!
…
What was art?
Art was a lot of things, but there were things it wasn't.
There were a lot of things called art that weren't art.
Art didn't shock.
Art didn't offend.
Art didn't provide commentary.
Art didn't sell sex.
Art wasn't perverse.
Art could do these things, but if any number of these was all it could do, then it wasn't art.
Recreating the Mona Lisa using cow blood and pig semen wasn't art.
Sticking your fingers down your throat and vomiting on a fresh canvas wasn't art.
Placing a crucifix in a jar and filling said jar with your own piss wasn't art.
It was shit.
It was exploitative, allegorical shit, created by hacks, and it was worth even less.
At least actual, factual shit made good fertilizer…
Art wasn't something to get off to; that's what porn and other low entertainments were for.
Art was subjective, but it wasn't some filthy thing to ill-use; these were entirely different entities.
…
Art was many other things though.
Art was beauty.
Art was truth.
Art showed something.
Art brought out the best in something… or at least its fullest.
And Naoto didn't care to hear otherwise, because he was correct.
He was correct in every sense of the word.
…
Not that he had any firsthand experience with certain aspects, but he knew nearly all things weren't in and of themselves dirty.
Love wasn't dirty.
Sex wasn't dirty.
The human body wasn't dirty.
Admiring the human body wasn't dirty.
The fact something turns you on a little doesn't automatically make it dirty!
These things were natural! They were beautiful and true.
These things propelled the human race forward, that is to say, via reproduction, and that needed the occasional nudge.
These things were life!
…
Art was love… and life.
…
Another thing that wasn't dirty was friendship.
Friendship was love.
Naoto didn't have the words for it, never having studied the Bible, but 1st Corinthians 13:4 offered terms that the entire human race might agree upon, regardless of creed:
"Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant."
Naoto believed these were good things.
He wanted his friendships to be good things.
He saw what Sakura and Hana had as a good thing.
…
So… what does it mean? Naoto asked himself. What does it mean, how I feel about Sakura-san?
…
He loved Nagatoro. He wanted Nagatoro.
But what they shared and what he felt about her wasn't the most wholesome thing in the world…
It didn't have to be!
…
Sakura…
She was his friend! And that was a "problem".
As much as he didn't want it to be so, there was no denying that the gal… turned him on.
Naoto had somehow evaded feeling this way about Gamo-chan and Yoshi, not that he could've shut it off if he indeed began to think that way…
But Sakura had been getting more than just a little cognizance of late.
He didn't want to feel that way about any girl besides Nagatoro, and… he, in fact, didn't.
Yes, Sakura turned him on, but it was very unlike that which he'd come to know towards Nagatoro.
It seemed wrong to even "mention them in the same breath"; they were different.
…
Damn it! Naoto had a difficult time explaining this to himself.
…
He spoke aloud, "Sakura-san is art."
That was clear as mud!
But it reflected what was going on in his frontal lobe!
Getting off meant you were turned on, but being turned on didn't always mean you got off!
It was clearer than mud.
Maybe on the level of dirty water…
…
Naoto got off on Nagatoro… but Sakura was a creature of beauty!
Sakura was the "art" kind of beauty!
And beauty wasn't some filthiness to exploit!
Sure, he'd ogled the blonde's butt a tiny bit, appreciating the view as she walked with her back to him, but it hadn't solely been some base distraction.
Sakura had presented a few sights, and they were as gorgeous as Naoto had ever seen!
He knew he'd been repeating himself, over and over, expressing the same things, but she'd gifted him with visions.
…
Running towards him, waving happily, the Saturday morning sun at her back…
Holding her dear Hana-chan close, their smiles and laughter bolstering his spirit…
…
The way she moved, her body dynamic and ever-changing…!
Her friendly countenance, reassuring him when he'd felt so low, he'd almost wished he was dead…
…
That pensive, faraway, and bittersweet expression she'd shown, skimming the tips her toes across the surface of her sandy puddle in the park…
Lying flat on her back, laughing herself to tears…
…
How her eyes lit up, hearing how terrific he thought she was…
Her earnestness, in letting him know he was more than a clown… that she trusted him…
…
…
…
Sakura…
She was… music for the eyes.
…
…
…
"…!" Naoto startled, kneading his cheeks. Or maybe this is all just a buncha crazy gobbledygook I'm coming up with 'cause I'm all tired and bloated!
He figured he was losing it!
What are you saying, you idiot?! If Sakura-san is "art", does that mean Nagatoro is "porn"?
Nagatoro wasn't porn!
She was his friend and the girl he loved.
Alright, damn it! Clear your mind!
…
… …
… … …
… …
"…"
… …
… … …
… …
…
…Senpai~…! Naoto heard the voice in his mind.
He gritted his teeth. No… there it is again…
…Senpai~~…!
No… He stayed firm.
…Senpai~~…!
He remembered the sensation of Nagatoro blowing in his ear. Cut it out…!
Senpai, your arms are so skinny! No wonder a girl like me can overpower you… Senpai~…
Get your hands hands offa me…! His throat tightened, his own hands clenching.
…Senpai, you creep~…!
Get outta my head, you… you… you…! He writhed, his lungs constricting.
…Senpai… is this too much for a virgin like you~?!
Please… stop… He gulped, begging silently, a chill extending down his back, an alien hand squeezing his heart. Please, I can't take it…! Leave me alone…!
Senpai, you're a boy… and yet, you're so weak~…
Stop it! He was about to break. Shut up!
Oh? Senpai, are you crying~?
"Fuck you!" Naoto spat, pounded his fists alongside his thighs.
*Giggle~*
"Kill yourself!" he frothed. "GeT AWay frOm ME…!"
…
"…!" he gasped. No! No! No! No!
The void swallowing him up, he groped around, and a most welcome light shone from his lamp.
A shuddering breath, the blurry ceiling, and the specks of saltwater on the lenses of his glasses, left on in his haste, told him one thing:
He was about to cry.
"Damn it!"
Whenever he attempted to clear his mind, all he could see was Nagatoro's cruel sneer… All he could hear was her teasing voice.
He hated himself.
He hated himself for letting her push him around. For every time he lost his nerve. For every time he blubbered like a little bitch.
Before, all he knew was helplessness.
Now?
All he felt now was anger.
…
I can't…
He couldn't.
I can't stop thinking about it!
What she'd done to him Saturday afternoon wasn't leaving him, as much as he'd love it to do so.
It's just there…
…
Naoto wanted to wait. He'd decided to wait.
Sakura had told him to just cool it… save judgement for when he was less stressed and had the time to mull it over properly.
But he couldn't get it out of his head!
Why did she have to be so mean?!
There was no telling.
But what he could tell was that rottenness wasn't dutifully fucking off, despite his unaffectedly wishing it would.
Fine…
There was something he could do.
Maybe it couldn't wait.
You need to think? He seethed. Think, damn it!
…
Naoto wasn't sure what he'd been getting at, tearing that curtain open. It was so unlike him, and he couldn't imagine where that baseless confidence had come from.
Oh, my Gawd! You're such a pervert ~!
He wasn't a pervert.
It wasn't funny.
It wasn't cute.
He knew he wasn't a perv.
…
You were so amped up, Senpai~! You came at me like an animal ! I was almost scared! Almost!
He'd just gotten carried away, trying to beat her at her own game.
And he had beaten her, doing something she'd never imagined he could do.
I'll bet you've got a woody and everything~!
Over that? He couldn't remember.
Lewd! So, so lewd!
He wasn't lewd.
So, so gross ~!
He wasn't gross.
…
Naoto took a moment.
She was acting pretty normal… This wasn't beyond the pale to him.
He'd stunned her, perhaps.
And when she was backed into a corner, she'd sometimes give off a little solemnity, though more often, she'd treat you like she wanted you to cut your own throat.
But I know she doesn't want that!
She just wasn't the best at communicating… and neither was he.
It had hurt, what she'd done, but he was looking at it like something it wasn't.
She was his friend. And sometimes she went too far. Other times, she could bring out the best in him.
And he knew he'd brought out the best in her a few times.
He loved her.
And he wanted to tell her that.
He would.
…
"I'll tell her," Naoto swore. "I'll tell her over break."
He still had to hammer all this out in his head, but he realized he didn't have to overwhelm himself with all the crap he was feeling inside.
He had to live and let live.
He needed to keep faith in his friends.
He had to keep his eye on the prize.
He would.
He'd finish the semester strong, right alongside the girls.
And once that was out of the way, they'd have a little freedom.
Their whole group would get together for karaoke! For the beach! For the festivals!
He'd research and apply for college and work on his portfolio.
He'd plug away at that valueless summer homework, Sakura on one side and Hana on the other, and they'd make quick work of it!
Then, when the time was right, he'd tell Nagatoro how he felt.
And come September, he'd be a new man!
From there?
Who knew?!
…
…
…
Naoto sighed.
He… felt better.
Taking off his glasses, he set them safely on his bedside table.
He nestled in, but he'd still be able to reach the off-switch on his lamp when the time came.
…
He did feel better.
The cloud of shit was dispersing.
The big, bad something was going away.
…
But it was like… something else was still there.
It wasn't clear what compelled him, but Naoto knew what it was.
He was still a bit upset, not surprising, especially after gnashing his teeth as he just had.
He'd come dangerously close to falling in not a moment earlier; that should've been enough, but it wasn't.
Maybe… I should just do it…
He trusted Sakura, but he was afraid…
He'd felt the same way—not that there was much parallel—a while back, when he'd first discovered and used pornography to further something that had at first come so naturally.
Something had changed… and life would never again be the same…
He thought it was laughable, experiencing the same impression now.
But it wasn't all that laughable.
It was almost guaranteed that something would change if he went through with it.
…
Would it be a bad change?
Naoto wasn't sure about that.
But he needed to get it out.
He needed to get it out, and he did trust Sakura, not only that she was right, but that she had his best interests in mind, suggesting such a thing.
To be free of the burden he was bearing!
Resolving he'd do it, a part of him was pleased he didn't have to retreat to the shower to avoid unwanted attentiveness.
He knew his parents cared, but this wasn't something they could help him with.
Plus, they were gone! He wouldn't see them until the next dinnertime.
He could make all the noise he had to.
Picking up his phone, he dedicated himself to this.
He already had YouTube handy, having watched a few videos on the toilet, and he had a VPN, so he typed the following in the search bar:
gundam 0080 ending
Is there going to be more on Naoto's career path soon? The first time it was brought up it left me genuinely wondering what career would be best for him.
ED: It will come up fairly soon, but his career path will evolve as the story goes on, and it will be something he'd never expect to wind up doing, but it has very much to do with art.
I guess my question is who'll realize that they have feelings for the other first?
ED: I'm pretty sure that Naoto and Nagatoro figured out they had feelings for one another a year prior to this story. ?
Please look forward to the next chapter! Thanks for reading! Questions and comments are welcome!