🌸Cherry Blossom Palette🎨
🌸Chapter 55: Sublimation, Part Three🎨
Written by EmtenDew
Edited by P. serrulata
Author's note:
ED and PS: We'd both like to thank the author and artist, Shamastus, for furnishing and allowing us to use the awesome Gamo-chan art in the story!
Thank you!
For those of you that don't know what we're talking about, some of the fanfic sites don't support images, so check out the following link to Reddit to see what you're missing out on.
r/nagatoro/comments/wkbtbu/one_of_a_kind_art_for_cherry_blossom_palette/
PS: I'd like to let readers know that chapters in August and September will come out less frequently than those over the summer. The delay won't be any great stretch of time, but instead of chapters coming out every seven or eight days, we're looking at 10 or 11. This won't be permanent, but it may extend into early autumn.
We are reworking the next several chapters for tone and consistency, and due to some work/irl commitments, we've fallen behind in editing from where we like to be. EDew has her own goings-on, which are her business, and I have a hectic harvest schedule for which I'm preparing.
The United States Midwest had a wet, cold, late spring, and we didn't finish planting a portion of our wheat until mid-June. Normally, we can get the wheat in the ground by early to mid-May, typically allowing us to begin harvest in early August. There are many factors at work, but this year, it was mainly time.
It's nothing too problematic. Weather and climate move in cycles, and we see a spring like we had every decade or so. It happens.
Since wheat planting was pushed back two weeks to a month, we have a staggered harvest ahead, starting the last week-and-a-half of August and going into early/mid-September. This will cut into other harvesting and processing normally afforded more time because the wheat's been dealt with by then.
We're both working steadily on the story, but it will be slower going for a number of weeks. We hope to get back on schedule soon and appreciate patience and understanding.
Thanks.
ED: After things got personal in a nasty exchange with Nagatoro, Gamo-chan, disillusioned with Nagatoro's conduct of late, gets back on topic and tries to stand up for Naoto.
To start off, I did a bad thing… I gave my editor the messiest, most mixed up and confused chapter I think I've ever seen and begged him to help put it together to make sense. He came through for me, but there's only so much he can do. If the chapter seems off, that's because it sort of is.
Getting this chapter started in the first place was a bit of a struggle. My editor and me had different opinions on where the last chapter should've ended, and I see that TRANSITIONING into the next phase of the "Long Lunch Arc" would've been easier than breaking off the chapter where we did. I'm not saying either of us "won" the argument. We discussed things, and we ended up halting the chapter in a totally different spot than either of us originally thought. It wasn't even a compromise; it was totally different than either of us were thinking.
But it seems the ending point went over well enough with readers, so that's fine. It just took a little bit to get things rolling again, because what we did really killed the momentum we could've used.
I've finished Season 15 of South Park, and I see that Season 16 is the last season with more than 10 episodes. It's disappointing, but there are 100 plus episodes before COVID-19 came along, so it'll keep me busy for a while.
The season had a few really good episodes, some pretty terrible ones, and others in between. I've heard of the movie Human Centipede, but I never wanted to see it, and I REALLY don't want to see it now. It was nice to see Lemmiwinks again in another episode. Butters went missing for a couple weeks and became a Mexican folk hero. Then the boys found a way to make money off of crack babies. And Broadway musicals are just a way for men to get head.
It was nice to see (in South Park) Tyler Perry's Madea entombed deep in the Earth, never able to bother anyone ever again, and that was the only good thing about that particular episode. Almost everyone I know likes Madea, but I really don't. To use one of my editor's more appalling expressions I've heard out of him, Madea "is about as funny as bath time in a children's burn ward". I worry about his inner person sometimes.
The episodes where Stan saw the entire world as literal crap was sad, but it had some payoffs.
Please look at the Q&A section I set up at the end of the chapter. Ask us anything, and we'll add another section in the next chapter. I would be happy if you ask questions.
Please enjoy what I wrote.
Friday, July 19, 2018
What is it with him…?" Maki Gamou asked her old friend. "Do you think anything of him? Hayacchi…?"
Seeing what she had of late, the way Hayase Nagatoro treated Naoto Hachioji, things had quit making sense to the pretty kickboxer.
Nagatoro wasn't ready for that sort of question about their senpai.
"What…?!" the vindictive girl cried out, writhing in her own skin.
"Hayacchi…" Gamo-chan didn't hold back her thoughts, and she regarded Nagatoro levelly, eyes up. "I can't even tell anymore… Is he…? Is he even your friend…?"
Whoa! Naoto… was at odds again.
Not 30 seconds earlier, he'd dismissed the assumption that Gamo-chan might know about his crush on Nagatoro, but here it was again.
Did Gamo-chan know? Did she NOT know?! And why did she CARE so much all of a sudden?!
It was impossible to tell, and it wasn't helping his stress level, and none of this was aided at all by his mashed-up foot, apparently telling him that someone was wailing on it with a tack-hammer.
What was she getting at?! He was coming up blank as to just what Gamo-chan was after. Nagatoro and me ARE friends! OF COURSE!
He knew they were all friends!
And how was he able to be so analytical?
In this sort of situation, he figured that he should've been running around like a chicken with its head cut off.
And he might've thought this, had he been able to get a grip in the first place! His brain had gone semiautomatic on him!
…
Beyond what Gamo-chan knew or didn't, Nagatoro couldn't hold back her own thoughts and definitely not her reaction; that question had been painful, and it jolted her.
However, she responded immediately.
"He's my friend!" she sounded hurt, eyes wild, seizing her hands at her breast.
Gamo-chan merely took in what she saw, scanning Nagatoro. "…"
Naoto was taken aback. "…!"
Why's Nagatoro so upset? He didn't see her like this all that often, and it never made sense to him when he did.
…
"He's my friend!" Nagatoro exclaimed, unable to maintain eye contact with the other girl. "How could you ask me that?!"
Gamo-chan said nothing; perhaps she needed a moment. "…"
Naoto floundered. What's going on with Nagatoro?! And why's Gamo-chan pushing like this?!
Well…
He only needed to remind himself of past events.
It had already been three weeks to the day that Gamo-chan had led him to and spoken to him in the "BJ Grotto"… the day she'd admitted to things he'd never expected… the day he'd seen her cry.
She doesn't seem to know how good she has it, and… I've been feeling really jealous of her lately.
That Gamo-chan would be resentful of Nagatoro had rattled him.
She's my best friend, and I'm jealous. I really hate that about myself, Paisen…
Naoto knew what it was like to hate himself, even parts of himself… It wasn't fun…
Later, the previous Wednesday, before Gamo-chan had scared the b'Jesus out of him, triggering some of her wrath through his "careless" talk, she'd been saddened by the news that his Saturday with Nagatoro had been such a bust for him.
She'd gotten angry… like, ANGRY, learning that Nagatoro had pissed away the precious time he'd shared with her.
And he was treated with another round of the Gamo-chan blues.
I told you that I'm jealous of Hayacchi. You must remember.
It was still plenty fresh for him, and it gave him no joy to remember it.
She's just so cute… I was always big, even when I was younger… and I was never all that cute.
He found he strongly disagreed with the last chunk of that statement!
Boys don't like me; they're scared of me.
He couldn't imagine how that must've felt for her.
And he couldn't imagine how she'd felt, asking him, not long after the rest of the above, "Am I really that scary…?"
He wished with all he was that he could simply say "no", but he couldn't.
Though he wanted to be able to… someday…
And he wasn't even done reminiscing over her initial Wednesday spiral.
You see that crap on TV… where the guy says to the girl, "I want to protect you." It's such dogshit… No guy would ever want to protect me…
He knew it was pretty much dogshit, such declarations, but he more than got her meaning.
…
He'd heard plenty of painful professions from her!
But it didn't answer his questions.
…
Okay… she felt STRONGLY about it, the friendship of a boy, but… why?!
…
In the shadow of the Amazon, Nagatoro maintained, voice rickety, "Y-yes, he's my friend!"
Still, Gamo-chan said nothing. "…"
It was as if Nagatoro wasn't giving her an appropriate answer!
Naoto thought it was clear enough.
What's more, he believed her. What are you trying to get out of her, Gamo-chan?!
Hazarding a glance to the corner of the room, Hana Sunomiya and Yoshi Yamazaki seemed intent on keeping out of the way, satisfied to stay right where they' retreated to.
Hana didn't know what to do… and Yoshi seemed afraid, neither one surprising him.
Naoto hadn't expected "help" from them, and it seemed that he wouldn't be getting it.
…
Nagatoro squirmed, mortified and desperate for something out of Gamo-chan. "C'mon, what do you want me to say?!"
You could say "I'm HIS friend" too! Naoto had a few ideas. I'd also settle for "I'm sorry for maybe breaking your metatarsals for no reason".
All the same, Naoto didn't disbelieve what Nagatoro said.
Not at all.
Neither did Gamo-chan.
She gulped, casting her gaze down once more, "I just don't get it though…"
"What don't you get?!" Nagatoro whined.
"Joking around is one thing, but… why treat him so badly?"
"…!" Nagatoro reeled.
"… … …"
"…?"
Gamo-chan didn't seem to have anything left. "…"
And Nagatoro was winding herself up like a toy, ready to jump.
"Gamo-chan…" she weakly uttered, refusing to look her in the face. "Why are you doing this…?"
I'd like to know that too! Naoto now wished—as he had for a while—that he'd left the clubroom when Sakura Inori advised that they all go their separate ways.
The gal had wisdom!
If he'd listened, his fucking foot wouldn't be 40% bruise!
But Naoto had been hesitant to leave…
Not when Hana had point-blank turned down Sakura's offer to vamoose in favor of greener pastures!
He couldn't leave Hana, though he now reasoned that she'd have been able to handle herself…
But he didn't know why she'd refused to go with Sakura!
She may very well have been lamenting that choice NOW, though that didn't help much of anything…
…
Naoto's mind was racing along, whatever way, and he still couldn't figure out what Gamo-chan was up to!
His heart—audible in his ears, despite everything—went THUMP, THUMP, THUMP!
His pulse THUMPED from his temples to his toes, moving through everything, from his tense chest to his painfully throbbing foot.
The initial shock of seeing Gamo-chan lose her temper, screaming and throwing things at Nagatoro, had worn off.
Even the horrible back-and-forth they'd had, insulting the other's boobage and diffidence, that shock was gone.
All that was left was WHY EACH GIRL WAS SO TROUBLED!
…
Naoto, in spite of everything, didn't know why, but the whole shebang began taking on a pioneering spirit, leaving the weak in its dust.
And he was about as ready for it as he was for his college entrance exams!
Gamo-chan took a moment to ground herself, but the questioning came regardless.
"Please tell me…" she beseeched of Nagatoro. "What do you think of our senpai?"
"…?!" Naoto choked, still with no concrete conclusions rattling around in his skull.
He felt his stomach heave, and he had a little taste of lunchtime backwash, too garlicy the first time around.
She used that term?! "Senpai"? Every time he heard anything but "Paisen" out of her, he nearly shit, but it was only half as shocking as the unholy question she'd just asked Nagatoro. Fuck! What was happening?! I like Nagatoro, but…
…
While their senpai was "fuck, fuck, fucking away", his gray matter hemorrhaging F-bombs, Nagatoro had her own qualms over Gamo-chan's not-so-innocent inquiry.
"…" She quivered. "…What…?"
"How…?" Gamo-chan attempted.
"How, what…?" Nagatoro scrambled.
It came out in one breath and in less than a second. "How do you feel about him…?"
…
Huh?
…
Naoto's brain farted, and his physical pain floated off.
…
… …
…
… …
… … … … …
… … …
… … … …
… …
Wait… By now, Naoto had expected the question from Gamo-chan, and it wasn't the question itself that was so undreamt of.
He took an all-important moment to get a handle on what he'd just seen happen.
Is she…?!
He'd seen something similar, the day before, when Hana had seemed so ashamed of her "selfishness" in wanting to work with Sakura and himself, wishing to be a part of their time together.
Gamo-chan had a death-grip on the hem of her skirt…
"…!" His scalp, neck, and back tingled.
…
Hana, he knew, wasn't one to pointlessly agonize over nothing.
If she was bothered, it wasn't some small thing!
Getting to know Gamo-chan, he felt the same way about her.
This was hard for her, asking Nagatoro what she had, but why—?
"…?!"
…
Naoto's vision went out of focus for a couple of seconds. No way…
Time seemed to stop.
…
He was compelled to remind himself of ANOTHER distressing happening from that Monday, three weeks prior…
She'd said a few other things, when she'd wept in front of him… things he wasn't ever likely to forget.
Other than all the times with my dad and once with my little brother, I haven't cried in front of a guy since I was a second grader.
Hearing this had pissed him off, threatening to send him into a gloom, that he wasn't a man in her eyes.
But it's okay… because I was sure you'd understand…
It was here that he began to realize just how highly Gamo-chan thought of him. He WAS a man…!
Normally, I'd just do this in some stall in the girls' room, into my gym clothes or a towel so no one could hear, but I just had to talk to you… and I knew you wouldn't mind if I wound up crying.
He'd been speechless…
You don't see it as a weakness, Paisen…
He didn't see it as a weakness—of any kind!
If more guys thought like you do… I don't think I'd feel so afraid…
To admit that to him… to anyone!
He knew… He was cocksure that no matter how unworthy or how very shitty he sometimes felt…
He knew he had her confidence!
…
Comparing THAT to what Nagatoro had very recently said to Gamo-chan, prior to being stunned into the defensive…
Naoto knew that Nagatoro could be an asshole, but it still occasionally defied reason, the things that came so easily to her, in anger or desperation.
You've always been scared…
Naoto could tell that Nagatoro—at least a significant part of her—had enjoyed this.
You're scared of every boy you've ever met~…
He'd been appalled by the obvious pleasure taken in that. That was cold-blooded!
You're even scared of Senpai~…!
…
Was she?
Maybe she WAS scared of him.
But he was scared of HER, all-in-all unable to help it, and…
He STILL thought she was a wonderful person.
…
Then—
No wonder you can't get a guy~…
Nagatoro had said this… She'd said it with such relish!
…
Naoto thought that any guy would be blessed to have a girl as terrific—as fantastic—as Gamo-chan for a friend… more so a girlfriend!
He KNEW he was blessed to have her as a friend!
That stuff about her being a good friend, a pretty girl, and someone special resonated in every corner of his being!
He just didn't feel anything past that… He loved Nagatoro…
…
"…!"
…
… …
…
No… No, there was no way…! He couldn't bank on what had sharply exploded into his consciousness.
…
… …
…
As for Nagatoro, Gamo-chan's question had left her high-and-dry.
Naoto was about to learn that Nagatoro had come to the same conclusion he just had.
"Gamo-chan…!" The farm-tanned cutie blanched, her face vacant but… frantic. "Do you… like Senpai…?"
Not only had she wrought the same answer he had, she was DESPAIRING, though he wouldn't know why.
It bemused Naoto, more than the bleakness, that she gave such an immediate reply, only seconds having passed.
…
Gamo-chan…!
Naoto's fingertips were numbing.
Could it…? Could it be that she in fact LIKED him?
Was Nagatoro convinced of the same, something he'd never dared to dream of being even remotely possible, by every stretch of the imagination?!
…
Then… does Gamo-chan think Nagatoro might like HIM? Was THAT why she was asking?! To see if he was "fair game"?
…
No… that couldn't be it…
Neither girl thought of him as anything more than a friend, of that he was sure…
But…
Maki Gamou…
He absorbed the vision of her, earnest, having posed her question straight-up.
What if she DID like him? How would he feel?!
…
It only took a few seconds to resolve that, his initial reactions not entirely worthless.
If he didn't wet his pants, pinch a loaf, or faint in reply to her saying, "I like you, Paisen. Please go out with me," and he was able to hold onto his head, he had some immediate idea of how he'd feel:
Stunned. Flattered. Ecstatic.
That was about it; he'd be ecstatic and even honored that such an incredible young woman saw him that way!
Until that very moment, he'd never given it a thought, though the rejoinder came with surprising ease.
But he didn't want it!
He loved Nagatoro.
…
Gamo-chan, not leaving anyone hanging for long, gave her response.
She shook her head, standing up straight and sure. "No, I don't like him that way."
Whew! Naoto felt like a jerk for it, but he was glad!
What's more, he believed her. and it wasn't just because he really, really wanted to.
…
Before Nagatoro even formed a comeback, Gamo-chan had words to spare, "He's just been such a friend to all of us!"
Her fingers rumpled her skirt all the more, and Naoto realized she'd done this to occupy her hands.
Her knees were knocking…!
"…!" It… had not yet landed for him.
Why was she so invested in this?!
She wasn't done, "We have fun with him, but there's a line, Hayacchi! A few times lately, you've been so awful to him, I couldn't believe it."
Gamo-chan…! Naoto noticed a sudden fear… in himself. This was…
And she still didn't give Nagatoro any room to breathe. "I just wanna understand…"
Nagatoro flinched, as if Gamo-chan's words were the lash of a whip.
…
Naoto, as much as he appreciated Gamo-chan's support, couldn't stand to see this go any further, the instinct of disaster imminent.
Don't do this Gamo-chan, PLEASE!
He saw no good coming out of this! Even if a truthful answer was given.
No matter what it was, HE WASN'T READY TO HEAR IT…
…
Nagatoro's response was far from direct, and even a blind man could tell that she was apprehensive, to say the least.
Almost mirroring the Amazon's mannerisms, she uttered, "So… you don't feel that way about him…?"
Obvious relief flooded Gamo-chan's face. "I don't."
Similarly, some anguish left Nagatoro's face. "…!"
Naoto's head was spinning. What the Hell did Nagatoro care if Gamo-chan liked him?!
Nagatoro goggled at Gamo-chan
"Then… why…?" she dazed. "Why be so…?"
"Because he's our senpai…" Gamo-chan said quietly. "He's our friend."
Ever so slightly, she cast her sight to Naoto, still seated, as he'd been since letting her take his previous seat, so she and Yoshi could watch Hana work.
It was a nervous glance, and it only lasted a second, but Naoto saw it, not that he needed a restatement.
She WAS his friend… and he was hers!
Her words from Wednesday came back to him… the words that left that unforgettable impression upon him… that thrilled him to his base.
You said you'd come to karaoke, and I'm gonna hold you to it~!
There was no way he was going to miss it.
You're coming this time, even if I have to drag you by your short-hairs!
She wouldn't have to bother herself with that.
We'll get everyone together and blow the roof off the dump!
He couldn't wait.
…
She was his friend…
Naoto couldn't comprehend that being a good enough reason for her resolve in support of him, but…
Maybe that was why… why she cared so much…
Maybe…
He knew quite well that things weren't always exceedingly complex.
And he felt at ease…
…
At least, Naoto was put to ease over Gamo-chan's reasoning.
He wasn't sure why she was advocating, but he decided to just go with it.
Another matter had yet to be properly dealt with.
And it was a doozy!
But Gamo-chan didn't have a chance to again ask Nagatoro just what she thought of their senpai.
Nagatoro had other ideas… to the detriment of Gamo-chan… and everyone else as well.
Naoto had seen it before, the girl he loved "finding traction" when confronted, and she had a talent for it.
And she broke out from under this hold as if it was a weak judo-pin.
"It's alright, Gamo-chan," Nagatoro soothed.
Gamo-chan was jilted. "…W-what's alright?"
Fuck! Naoto sensed trouble, that savagely spiteful, cute face replacing Nagatoro's devastation.
And it was trouble aplenty…
"You don't need to hold back!" Nagatoro flaunted. "He's all yours~!"
While Naoto had heavy experience in this head-fuckery, Gamo-chan sorely lacked any real resistance.
She wasn't used to being teased over her uncertainties.
Gamo-chan turned maroon, and she surged away from the smaller girl. "H-H-H-Hayacchi! What are you saying?!"
Goddamn it, Nagatoro… Naoto was flabbergasted. Don't!
He'd seen Gamo-chan, Yoshi, and Sakura give Nagatoro this treatment, and he'd gotten worse from all of them, but this was hitting below the belt!
Knowing of Gamo-chan's plight from that morning, Rabi-chan being so callous towards her and her experiences—or lack thereof—it wasn't difficult to figure out how badly this could go.
Nagatoro, this is fucked up!
He had a strong urge to jump in, stopping this humiliation, but he seemed adhered to the floor, and his speech failed him, "…!"
…
"It's fine, Gamo-chan~," Nagatoro tore into her, bobbing and weaving, her own blush expanding. "There's no reason to hide it~."
What is wrong with you?! Naoto wished he knew.
However, Gamo-chan directly recovered, only reacting as she had because she'd been caught with her panties around the knees, so to say.
She was "inexperienced", but this wasn't about to incapacitate her.
"Hayacchi," she murmured, flushed but not excessively tomato-like. "That's not it at all…"
She seemed weary, exasperated…
"You'd better be careful~!" Nagatoro recommended, giggling nastily. "He might cheat on you with a body-pillow or something feeble like that~."
Shit! Do you really have to be so mean?!
"Hayacchi!" Gamo-chan yowled. "Could you please…?"
Naoto hadn't wanted to hear Nagatoro's answer to Gamo-chan's question… but this was no better!
Nagatoro pawned away her amusement, only for a second, "JK! Don't worry, I believe you."
"Okay, now, how 'bout we stop—?" Gamo-chan didn't get far.
"You scared me for a minute, Gamo-chan!" Nagatoro squalled. "I thought you might actually like Senpai~! How creepy would that be~?"
It wouldn't be creepy at all!
Gamo-chan recoiled slightly, stung. "Hayacchi…"
Nagatoro was having all sorts of fun with this. "Really, I think I'd lose all my faith in you if you fell for a such a lecherous weirdo~."
Naoto didn't like hearing this any more than Gamo-chan!
And she made it known, flustering, "Hayacchi…!"
"Seriously, it's such a relief!" Nagatoro didn't ease off, parading about. "It'd be so gross if you had a crush on dirty, ol' Senpai~! I'm so relieved~!"
She seemed SO RELIEVED that she seemed to have forgotten how she'd spoken to the Maki, moments earlier. Hell, they'd BOTH been horrid to each other!
"Damn it, Hayacchi!" Gamo-chan's unsteady voice jumping up an octave, she'd had enough. "This isn't funny!"
What the Hell is going on?!
Naoto stewed. Hey, me, Sunomiya can take care of herself! Maybe it's time to go!
…
"Gamo-chan!" Nagatoro kept making an ass of herself. "You couldn't handle all his 'Senpai-ness' anyway!"
Gamo-chan hadn't quite given up. "Stop trying to change the subject!"
Naoto thought Nagatoro had already succeeded in this!
He wasn't sure why Gamo-chan hadn't given up; it was a losing battle.
Is she really thinking that Nagatoro likes him?
He didn't see it.
…
Nagatoro went on and on, "He'd ask you to do all sorts of lewd stuff~!"
"Hayacchi…" Gamo-chan, evidently, was running out of steam. "Just answer me…"
"…~"
"…?"
Naoto didn't think she would, but—
"He's my friend too, but he's just Senpai~." Nagatoro grinned.
She'd answered!
She resumed, "I'm sorry about missing pizza, but I promised Senpai that I'd help him."
Naoto's balls deflated, hearing he was "just Senpai", but he didn't give it much import.
It was how Nagatoro was, and he'd heard it before.
That aside, he knew she was dedicated to their project.
He doubted like Hell that Nagatoro would be welcome to get pizza anyway, given the prior unpleasantness.
But he'd be working with her!
It was a win… sort of.
…
Naoto had seen what was supposed to be a pleasant time with all of his kohai go halfway up in flames, but the week wasn't lost.
He still had Friday to look forward to!
And what he knew gave him hope! As wacked-out as Nagatoro was acting, he knew how she really felt about their modeling session.
Y'know… I kinda like it when you know what you want~…
She'd given him a hard time, but he'd stuck to his guns, telling her just what he wanted out of this time together. He'd told her things he'd never had the courage to tell himself, and she'd said "yes"!
It was amazing what spilling some of your guts could do… what being painfully honest could accomplish.
He hadn't done that to trick her.
He'd wanted to make himself understood…
She'd understood.
She'd been unable to fight it!
He'd made himself understood.
He'd done it…!
Things were better, at long last.
He'd made things better.
…
… …
… … …
"You wouldn't believe what he wants to do with me on Friday~!" Nagatoro crowed to Gamo-chan.
"…?!" Naoto snapped out of his ruminations, his awareness flagging.
He hadn't noticed, but Nagatoro had been running her mouth the whole time.
Gamo-chan sighed, having hoped this foolishness would finally be dying out, "Just cut it out, would you?"
Nagatoro didn't cut it out.
She wafted towards Naoto. "Senpai, I'll help you with this, but only because you're my senpai~."
"…!" His insides seized up, but he kept his composure.
"Hayacchi…" Gamo-chan's patience was threadbare by now. "Stop it already!"
"I can already feel his eyes undressing me~!" Nagatoro squealed, traipsing around.
Gamo-chan's final threads were fraying, unraveling to nothing. "…!"
Geez! Naoto tried in vain to block all this out.
Even so, he tried to stay chill.
This sucks, but she's just doing this 'cause she's embarrassed. He was embarrassed too, and he couldn't blame her. She'll quit in a minute or three…
He could tolerate this crap for a little while.
She'll stop doing this, and then maybe… somehow… it can go back to…
No… He knew it couldn't go back. Things have gone too far…
But he had Friday!
It occurred that Nagatoro's little show was just about over, and he popped a fresh stick of mint gum.
When he'd nearly barfed in his mouth, Gamo-chan having used his proper title and asking a no-no question, it had left a bad taste, to say the least.
"…" Chewing the gum and feeling it oust the yuck, he made to lean back, half-listening to whatever it was that Nagatoro was saying to Gamo-chan.
Nagatoro blasted, "Senpai asked me to do something so totally dirty~."
Urk! Naoto choked again, this time swallowing his half-chewed gum.
It was awful! He hated when that happened!
Worse than that though, he'd just heard something he didn't like.
He didn't like it one bit.
Gamo-chan scoffed, deciding to "humor" Nagatoro, "Oh, so it's so totally dirty~?"
"Oh, just thinking about it gives me the willies~," she tittered.
Gamo-chan stimulated, "You say what you're doing on Friday is perverted, is that it~?"
"Yeah, it's perverted and then some~!"
… …
…
It seemed to come from nowhere.
…
… …
"…!" Naoto had bells ringing in his head.
The atmosphere of the room had changed again, and it hung like a fog.
He knew when a cloud of shit was floating around himself, but this haze wasn't his imagination.
Something was twisted… repellent… and growing…
Whatever it was, it was coming from Gamo-chan.
And Nagatoro was oblivious to it!
Gamo-chan wasn't playing.
Naoto knew…
He knew this wouldn't be pretty. What is she doing?!
…
Gamo-chan had finally had enough. She'd had enough of Nagatoro's shit, and it was time to shovel out the stable.
"Okay." She crossed her arms. "Just what is it that he's gonna have you do?!"
The new tone of voice stopped Nagatoro in her tracks, and she ceased prancing about.
She hadn't quite heard, lost in some Ode to Gross. "What?"
"What are you and Paisen gonna do on Friday?"
"…!" Nagatoro tensed.
Gamo-chan asked again, "You're modeling for him on Friday… What is it you're actually doing?"
Naoto's veins flowed with ice-water. You really don't need to know!
…
For several seconds, the girls just stared at each other.
"…"
"…"
Without further warning, it could be seen plainly: Nagatoro ripened to a fine floridness.
"…~!" She crumpled up, facing the floor, an embarrassed smile broadening on her face.
Gamo-chan was nearly amused, and her feral grin spread wide on her face. "Oh, so now you shut up?"
Yeah, you got her to shut her mouth… Naoto reasoned. Now, leave her be!
But things had only just begun, to the misfortune of all.
…
"Go on… tell me~…" Gamo-chan took a crack at Nagatoro. "You go on and on and on about this, so why don't you tell me~? I wanna know."
She was upset with all that had gone on, and she wasn't going to let this go, not when she had Nagatoro's back to the wall again!
On her end, Nagatoro's condition worsened, her fingers lacing and unlacing, her whole body tottering. "…!"
For her to be in this shape!
Naoto had no doubt: she was on the edge of breaking. He knew she was nervous over Friday, but he didn't think she was this poorly off! She was trapped.
She wouldn't ACTUALLY say what they were up to! There was no way!
The two girls had something of a rivalry between them, neither willing to back down, but THIS was a good opportunity for Nagatoro to run… like, literally RUN.
What? Was she going to throw a PUNCH?! It was unlikely.
The young artist wasn't thinking this hard about it, but his experience told him one thing, and it was probably worse than the truth, escape, or literally fighting her way out…
Oh, no…
…
"C'mon, Hayacchi~!" Gamo-chan prodded. "If it's so bad, why'd you agree to it?!"
Nagatoro had zilch. "…~!"
"…"
"…~!"
Gamo-chan called her bluff, "Alright, if it's not anything bad, then why don't you tell me~?"
…
Naoto had a dawning.
Actually, it was along the lines of a dawning.
One knows that the sun is there, even when it's out of sight, but once the sun rises, one REALLY knows that it's there! It overwhelms the simple knowledge that the sun exists!
In his fevered mind, Naoto knew he was wrong.
He was being selfish!
It was about more than him!
Being the person he was, he'd put up with Nagatoro's rotten behavior—he'd even put up with her physically hurting him—but as long as he got what he wanted, in the end, he'd swallow it.
What about the others?
Was he really willing to overlook how Nagatoro had treated Gamo-chan? How she'd treated Hana?!
In Gamo-chan's case, the despicableness was mutual, even if it was unevenly so! Gamo-chan had gotten it worse!
And Hana?! What had she done to invoke Nagatoro's dislike?!
Really, Nagatoro had made no concrete effort to get along with the others, namely Hana, and he'd begged her to try.
Naoto didn't know if he was "okay" with it or not, but he would still be getting what he wanted!
"…!"
It hit him like a bolt of lightning.
He still wanted to win!
He knew he'd been fortunate to catch Nagatoro off-guard the night before. He'd been so careful in keeping strong, and he'd led her as best he could.
But he'd realized that it wasn't a game. Nagatoro was someone he loved and respected.
So, he told her the truth! He was honest with her, and he knew that he was doing this for the right reasons, that he was doing this to add to his portfolio.
But this wasn't entirely the case.
In a way, he still thought of this as winning and losing!
Behind the "right" reasons, he still relished the notion that he'd caught her at a disadvantage!
In spite of her apprehension, he'd be able to degrade her, pouring over such "semi-private" parts! His favorite parts of a woman!
With those lower appendages of hers, she'd given him sexual gratification he'd NEVER THOUGHT was conceivable, but she'd also DEGRADED him and TEASED him in ways so that he felt the world came crashing down on him!
It was his turn to watch her squirm! And he knew what a piece of garbage he was for that.
BUT HE'D MEANT WHAT HE SAID!
Nagatoro was his inspiration! She was his friend, and he wanted them to be there for each other!
He knew that he could put aside his desire to win and do this for the right reasons, to advance his art abilities and give him a leg-up in his portfolio.
"…"
But above this… above it all… he knew that none of it might matter.
He saw that all of this may very well cease existing very soon.
…
Gamo-chan, still angry, peppered Nagatoro, "Why don't you stop this? If it's not oh so perverted, I wanna hear what you've been howling about, saying it is!"
"…!" Nagatoro didn't look so very "…~!" anymore.
…
Naoto could see it, even hear it in his mind's eye, as if it was being narrated by some big, disembodied voice.
Nagatoro was battling in her own head what to do!
He could sense her inner struggle.
If he'd had the wherewithal to open his mouth, he could've told Gamo-chan to stop.
He could tell her to stop, and she probably would.
But he wasn't thinking about the Amazon at this point; she was just there, and she had no actuality.
His entire Naoto was crying out in silence for one thing:
Nagatoro… PLEASE look at me! Just look over here!
He thought if she did… if she saw his face, then things wouldn't have to go down this path.
Please… Please don't do it…! I don't wanna see this… Please!
He knew what was about to come falling in on this entire scene.
Nagatoro! Please just LOOK AT ME! I'm begging you!
…
"Hayacchi, if you're just jerking Paisen around this time, then why don't you stop?" Gamo-chan dropped all playfulness, real or imagined. "Some of us might actually enjoy having him along for a little pizza on Friday."
…
Whatever Gamo-chan was thinking would happen, it wasn't what began unfolding.
Snapping out of her squalor, Nagatoro again broke out from under Gamo-chan's power.
She cracked, and nastiness and mockery beat out a better reaction.
"You're giving too much credit to a virgin like him~!" she swanked. "It's nothing I can't handle~!"
Oof! Naoto felt that!
"Hayacchi…?" Gamo-chan was indeed caught sleeping, escaping as she did. "What are you…?"
"Don't overestimate Senpai~!" she advised. "It'll be fine!"
Naoto could tell this was just blustering. It wasn't anything he couldn't handle.
He didn't want to see this, but it was what it was, and he'd weather the storm.
She was just freaking out a little… unsure of what else to do…
"It was gross~!" she relished. "So, so gross~!"
…
Something… strange crept into Naoto's head.
Gross…
"…"
She called him that a lot… A LOT…
She called him gross, and…
The first time she'd met Sunomiya, way back in April, Sunomiya had asked the two of them if they were dating.
"That's gross~!" Nagatoro had sung out, denying the question. "So, so gross~!"
Naoto knew that there was nothing between them… that she didn't think of him that way…
So… he'd agreed… and… she'd punched him… and… she'd called him gross again when he'd opened his mouth…
Why'd she do that?!
Months ago, he'd just been confused and irritated.
And now…
Now, he just wanted to cry.
And he wasn't any closer to knowing why she'd slugged him.
Maybe… it was just fun to hit people.
Maybe it was fun to hit HIM.
Maybe he deserved it!
Maybe he WAS just a gross, worthless piece of shit…
…
"Hayacchi…" Gamo-chan was perhaps more put off than Naoto.
He'd begun to expect it, at least!
"But Gamo-chan, it was~!" Nagatoro carried on.
…
Stay calm, Naoto… Pulling himself back, he could breathe well enough, but his heart was thumping away in his temples.
Remember! She's just as embarrassed as you! Don't fall into this! You wanted to wait to deal with this until break.
Once finals were over, and the extra stress was off of his plate, things would start to make sense again!
…
"He was so creepy when he called me~!" Nagatoro gleamed. "He wanted to do a video call! I'd just gotten back from a run, and he was begging to see me all gross and dirty and stuff~!"
…
Naoto could tolerate this in private, but in front of others…
Gamo-chan didn't need to hear this, and neither did Yoshi or Hana, forgotten in the corner!
Wait…
Would he tolerate this in private? After what he'd said to her?!
Maybe I should tell her to cool it… Naoto considered. I was able to tell her off last night, and she STOPPED messing around!
He'd calmly tell her to stop, and that would be the end of it!
He knew that she'd listen!
Despite the lousy day they'd all had, he'd gotten through to her the night before!
All he had to do was calmly tell her to stop making such a racket!
But he couldn't calm himself in the first place. He'd pulled himself back, but he couldn't talk himself down.
Even if he wanted to, he couldn't just get up and run off, away from this situation, on some excuse.
He couldn't move!
…
And Nagatoro was still going. It was as if she was UNABLE to stop.
"Hanacchi…" Gamo-chan was bowled over by this outpouring.
…
Before Naoto knew it, someone must've been standing on his chest.
Someone was clenching his heart… crushing his lungs.
And he wasn't laughing.
He wasn't amused or turned on or anything.
This wasn't cute.
This wasn't funny.
No more…!
Please, no more!
What was happening?!
He'd told himself that things would be better!
He'd told himself that he'd stand up for himself!
And yet again, he'd forgotten this feeling!
…
"Icky, icky, icky Senpai~!"
…
Naoto's vision dithered, static and spots layering into his sight.
What was happening?!
It didn't make sense to him!
He'd made things better!
And now he hadn't?!
He'd gotten through to her!
Yet, for some reason, she'd stomped on his foot—cruelly and heel-first—and she'd hurt Gamo-chan and Hana!
And for the same reason, now she was DOING THIS SHIT!
…
"Gross, gross, gross~!"
…
Naoto had felt so blessed in the last week!
Things had been looking up since Sunday!
He'd felt like refuse, and Hana made a point to tell him that she was thinking of him, with love and kindness!
He'd had a great time with Sakura at lunch!
He'd gone driving with his dad, grilling out with both of his parents later!
Feeling like he wasn't better off dead, he'd jerked off—coming like a fucking howitzer—and fallen asleep like he'd been shot with a tranquilizer!
It was the best beating he'd EVER given his bishop!
He'd had a gas with Sakura and Hana on Monday, and he'd wept with happiness and gratitude over Hana's grandparents wishing him well!
And he'd done so little to deserve such kindness!
He'd been watching Sakura and Hana become even better friends, painting each other's nails, quizzing each other, having a few laughs…
He'd sketched the two of them, taking a step he'd never before taken!
He'd had a good time with Gamo-chan and Yoshi, even after Gamo-chan had lost her temper!
She'd again shown him that he WAS a man!
Thursday, he'd had the most magical evening with Sakura, full of beauty and laughter and tears and kalbi and weirdness and fun!
She trusted him! They'd shared two indirect kisses!
He'd finished studying with Sakura and Hana, and they'd finished strong!
And they'd had a GREAT time on Sunday, sharing a delightful brunch!
…He'd plucked up the courage to ask Nagatoro to model what was… no reason to sugarcoat it, the terminuses of the objects of his fetish…!
Alongside his study buddies, Sakura and Hana, with the goddess of hope as their witness, he'd pledged over a talisman to try his damnedest to do his very best on his exams!
…He'd teared up—more than once that week… thinking about how good things were… how good it was to be alive…
And now, all of this was being incinerated…
These things were falling away, one after another…
He lost sight of it all…
And all he could see, hear, taste, feel, and smell was the ugliness in front of him…
…
At some point, Nagatoro had made it back to Naoto.
"What, your two students said 'no' when you asked them~?" she chortled. "So, you had to ask me~?!"
Red flashed before his eyes.
He wanted to run, but he couldn't move.
He wanted to plug his ears, but his hands began to tremor, and he only pressed them into the table, eliciting a loud creak from the wood.
He repeated to himself, over and over, the same things, but it wasn't working!
Just take it! She's just playing! Block it out!
He hadn't given up in trying.
Tell her to cool it. It's not okay. Tell her. Just calmly tell her.
"You can look, but you can't touch~!" she sang, prodding his thigh with the toe of her indoor shoe.
Naoto squeezed his eyes shut as they began to well up.
No…
Please don't…!
Why are you doing this?!
Stop!
But Nagatoro didn't stop.
"I can't believe you'd ask me to do something like that~!" she sang. "You're such a lech~!"
No more! I can't take it!
His whole body, not just his hands, began to physically shake, his jaw and fists clenching.
Don't cry… DON'T CRY! God-fucking-damn it, don't cry!
Tell her. Show her—SHOW THEM ALL—that you're a man!
"So, so gross, Senpai~!" She hadn't lost any steam. "You're so gross, Senpai~!"
…
Gamo-chan may as well have been lost at sea.
She had nothing.
Finally, she turned her attention to Naoto, if only to turn it away from Nagatoro.
She saw what was going on with him. "…!"
And the other girls had noticed their senpai, and they knew that something was wrong.
They were also speechless at this display, both sides of it.
…
Naoto began shutting down. I told you so much…!
He'd told her the truth!
I'm serious about this, Nagatoro. I'm nervous about it. I can't tell you how nervous I feel about this, but this is something I need to really work on. It's necessary for what I wanna do.
He hadn't been screwing around!
You're the only one I wanna ask. I think I'd feel… comfortable with you. It wouldn't be the same with anyone else.
And this was so!
Nagatoro… you've always been able to inspire me… You bring out the best in me… in my art. Please help me.
He'd thrown himself at the vacuum! He loved her for this and a thousand other reasons!
I know this is a lot to ask… It is weird—it is—and I wish it wasn't. I just can't help it…
He wasn't about to deny that!
I can't imagine how it feels to hear a question like that… If you can give me an answer now, that's fine. If you need to think a little while… that's fine too. I just… need to know.
If she knew how difficult it had been for him…
But she'd said "yes".
She'd been so earnest.
He'd been so happy.
But it had all been for nothing.
…
"Senpai~!"
Stop it…!
If you don't stop… I…!
However, Nagatoro's racket continued.
"Creepy, lewd fetishist, creepy, lewd fetishist~!" she chanted; her voice jumped up an interval. "Creepy, lewd fetishist~~!"
…
He'd been right…
He realized that he'd been right…
Every time he'd told himself—in the shower, on the shitter, in the mirror, lying in bed—only to forget EVERY TIME, AGAIN AND AGAIN, he'd been right!
There was no hope.
Nagatoro let him know every day what a disgusting human being he really was.
Whether he was or not, he didn't care…
…
Naoto… he'd had it. Fine.
And that was that.
Something inside of him died at that moment.
Something fractured, and an inky blackness began to scribble across the canvas of his mind, filling in all of the bare spots.
His eyelids, brimming, sagged open, and as he stared blearily at his clenching fists blankly, a directionless thought popped into his head.
… … …
… …
…
…I hate you…
…
… …
… … …
It wasn't clear where it came from or where it was going. It was just there.
Things weren't going to change.
…
All the while, Nagatoro merely continued her bombast, idiotically unaware of what was going on not a meter away from her.
Gamo-chan, watching all this and holding her tongue, couldn't keep it in anymore. "Hayacchi! Cut it out!"
"What~?" The smaller girl ceased her noise, a foolish grin meeting her friend's distressed face, seemingly and again forgetting the awful barbs they'd exchanged. "What's up?"
Gamo-chan didn't need to point; Nagatoro could see where her fearful eyes were aimed.
And Nagatoro finally noticed Naoto's condition. The foolish grin widened, and she took on an ugly, crimson flush.
"Ooh, Senpai's getting testy~," she snickered, alternately poking her fingers into his ribs.
"…" He simmered.
Gamo-chan backed away nearer the door, her eyes darting about.
Her voice wavered, hopeful that someone would back her up. "Hayacchi, seriously… stop."
No one raised a finger or said a word. It was, after all, Hana and Yoshi, still stuck in the corner, so…
And Nagatoro paid no heed to her friend.
"Wake up, sleepy, creepy creep~," she crooned, now jabbing Naoto with more force.
"…" His angry eyes began to leak, but Nagatoro didn't see.
She didn't seem to see much of anything.
"Senpai~!" she howled. "You pervert~!"
"…" he mouthed something.
She fizzed, delighted to finally get something. "…~?"
"Do you think I'm a joke?" His question came out so quietly, it was little more than a whisper, but it was clear to everyone in the room.
Everyone besides Nagatoro. She'd heard him speak, but it couldn't be said she was listening.
She, seemingly missing the timbre of his voice on top of its message, stopped poking him, but she got in closer and blew air into his ear. "I couldn't understand you. Say that again~?"
But Naoto didn't repeat himself. "I know I am. I know I'm just a joke to you…"
The girl heard that. "…Senpai…?"
He murmured monotonously, "I'm a joke… I'm gross… I'm a nerd… I'm lewd… I'm a creep… I'm a virgin… I'm a wimp… I'm a loser… I'm a loner… I'm a pussy… I don't have any friends… I'm a pervert… I'm stupid… I'm jealous… I'm pathetic… I'm worthless… I'm weak… I'm a pushover… I'm not even a man… I'm trash…"
"…Senpai…?" Nagatoro squeaked.
"What else is there?" Naoto sat up just a little, glaring from the corner of his eye. "Am I a fag too…? Or maybe I'm a lolicon? Do I take upskirt snapshots outside the elementary school every other afternoon? Are those next on the list?"
"…?!" Nagatoro started, as if she'd heard a loud sound.
"Pfft!" he scoffed at her demeanor. "What's the next bit of brainlessness I have to hear? There has to be more… Should I kill myself~? Would that make you happy~?"
Nagatoro hadn't called him everything he'd brought up, and though she seemed to sporadically treat him like she wanted him to die, she'd never said it outright, but he didn't care; all of that and more coming out of her mouth meant the same thing, that he was a waste of life.
"…Senpai…?" She withered.
"Maybe all this… is just… nothing to you." He considered his slackening hands, before his face. "Maybe you… do think everything's one big joke… that this is all just… worthless. Maybe you do…"
Nagatoro felt the need to take a step backwards. "…?!"
"Do you think all this is a joke to me?" Naoto's eyes and then his head rotated slowly towards her, his nostrils flaring. "Do you think this is worthless to me? Do you?"
His tears were there, thinly streaming down his face, for all to see.
"Wha…?" Nagatoro wasn't quite grasping this.
"Well, it isn't!" he spat, pivoting the rest of his body, now fully facing her. "I'm trying to put together this portfolio for university admission! Maybe you don't care, but I do!"
She took a further step away. "Sen…"
"This means a lot to me!" Naoto gradually stood up, his lip curling, raising his voice. "I told you that! How could you?!"
He sniffled and cast his sight down to the floor in front of him, his entire body quaking.
"H-hey." Nagatoro had nothing. "What are you…?"
Keeping his gaze low, Naoto's tears became full, heavy droplets, and they began falling onto the floor. "I told you…"
I told you so much…!
Nagatoro's own eyes bugged in surprise when he finally looked her in the face.
It was frightful…
…
In the hallway, a few students had heard the noise, and they'd gathered near the art room's door.
They'd only just stuck their noses where they didn't belong, when another noise from behind caught their notice.
Tamp! Tamp! Tamp!
Sakura weaved through the small throng, half of her face on, having been in the middle of redoing her makeup.
Pulling the door shut on the faces of the prying students, she locked it.
Seeing their sixth reappear, Yoshi and Hana joined at her side.
Now nearest the door, Gamo-chan turned at the commotion and blinked. "Sakura?!"
"What the Hell's going on?!" she asked, gawping at what she was seeing.
"I'm not sure…!" Gamo-chan replied shakily.
…
Naoto didn't even recognize that the gal had rejoined them. There was only Hayase Nagatoro.
"I asked you because I wanted you to help me with this!" The ominous expression Nagatoro had received fell, and he was near to weeping. "You're the only person I'd ever ask for this! You're the only person I want to ask for this! I asked you because I was comfortable with it!"
"Sen…" she backed away slightly, her own features jumbled. "Hey, wha…?"
Naoto didn't let that slow him down. "And I was really happy that you said 'yes'! I was so relieved."
But if I'm that worthless to you… If you hate me that much…
Taking a few seconds, he inhaled and exhaled, in and out, and he said his piece.
His voice gradually rose in volume as he let it out, soon becoming a furious bellow, straining his throat. "If you refuse to take this seriously… if you think this is so stupid… if you think I'm such a joke, and that I'm SO worthless, then I don't want your help! I don't NEED your help!"
And I don't need YOU!
He saw the stricken light in Nagatoro's eyes, but he didn't care.
He saw the staggered countenances of the other girls, again realizing that they were there too, but he didn't care.
Gamo-chan tried to calm him, knowing she needed to carefully choose her words.
"Hey… Paisen… listen to me…" she quietly pleaded, tiptoeing towards him. "Paisen… relax… Please, Paisen… take a breath."
Naoto seethed at her words, his head throbbing, and rearing up, he let loose an indignant, inarticulate scream, ripping at his vocal-cords, "RRRRRRRRGGGHAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
The rest of them, to a girl, quailed at the noise.
Naoto whirled, challenging the horrified Gamo-chan, her hands clenched over her heart.
"You stay outta this!" he barked, pointing at her, with the wrath of an Old Testament God conflagrating all of Creation. "All you've ever done is encourage this garbage! StAy oUTTa tHiS!"
He saw the wounded and shocked expression cross her face as she sank into the nearest seat, but he didn't care.
He'd had a gutful of all of this…! Enough to make him PUKE!
Naoto shifted and rounded on Nagatoro, burning. "I trusted you…!"
And why…?
Dazedly glancing around, met with the disbelieving faces of the girls, he turned bodily back to the table, resting his hands on the back of his chair a few seconds, taking in a deep, shuddering breath that broke into a single, long and shuddering sob.
As wound up as he was, it took a few seconds to get his bearings, but gain them he did, grabbing his bag.
Without another word, he briskly made for the door, limping every step of the way.
Struggling to get the door unlocked, his hands fumbling, he soon got it, and he slid the door open forcefully.
There was no need to tell the busybodies outside to get the fuck out of his way.
They leapt away, fleeing at the sight of Naoto, who would've gone straight through them regardless.
With a little less than an hour before he needed to sit down to his English exam, propelled as if by some great hydraulic plunger, he stalked down the hallway, down the stairs, and out of the building.
Q&A Section
When you're writing, do you listen to music? I heard writers sometimes do that to really get into their work.
ED: I need to have music or something going, like TV. I don't like quiet. I need some sort of background noise to work.
Please look forward to the next chapter! Thanks for reading! Questions and comments are welcome!