🌸Cherry Blossom Palette🎨
🌸Chapter 58: Deposition, Part Three🎨
Written by EmtenDew
Edited by P. serrulata
Author's note:
ED: I really want to thank Joaquinthatboi for the CBP inspired art. It was a nice surprise. My editor didn't tell me he'd been talking to someone about another art request, so I had no idea it was coming.
For those that read this story on a site that supports images, you got to see one of the pieces.
Thanks, Joaquin! I love your art!
I was really happy to see the girls' fun Sunday afternoon come to life! They were both so cute! I also really liked Sakura cosplaying as Tetra the pirate from the Wind Waker Zelda game. She looks ready for all sorts of adventure!
Here are links to Joaquin's DeviantArt page and some promos my editor did on Reddit.
...
joaquinthatboi/gallery/all
r/nagatoro/comments/x077p2/a_tonguetwister_by_hanachan_sakurasenpais/
r/nagatoro/comments/x1hh0o/fan_fiction_hanachan_is_fast_becoming_best_girl/
r/nagatoro/comments/x2u7ub/yo_ho_yo_ho_a_pirates_life_for_my_senpai_sakura/
...
Onto the story, having finally figured out that Nagatoro has been quite literally leading him on, Naoto goes to a bad place.
This is yet another chapter where I was overly reliant on my editor for Naoto's internal conflict.
Now, our hero isn't a happy camper right now. There's some salty, unpleasant language, but Naoto's not in a good way at present. It gets nasty.
Fair warning. Just keep reading. It all leads somewhere.
My predictions for the new canon chapter are as follows:
The Prez will act like she's mentally ill some more. Nagatoro will freak out about it. Naoto will handle it better than Nagatoro. Hana will dart around in wonderment of her cousin's head sickness.
If I'm wrong, feel free to point and laugh, but I doubt I'm far off. Nanashi is wasting all of his characters' potentials. But I've never seen a pornographer do much more than that.
Onto South Park, I'm on Season 17, and I need to sit and watch the Game of Thrones episodes and the last one. I never watched Thrones or read the books. I'm not interested either.
Ask us anything, and I'll add a Q&A section to the next chapter. I would be happy if you ask questions.
Please enjoy what I wrote.
Friday, July 19, 2018
What in the Hell am I doing…?! Naoto Hachioji's realization rolled over him like a cement truck.
His eyes stung with the same sweat that soaked his clothing.
How had he not figured it out?!
In the shadow of the school's gymnasium, the gears in his head were finally meshing, and the factory wasn't painting a pretty picture.
That which he realized was as bad as that mixed metaphor.
…
Hayase Nagatoro was toying with him… like, really toying with him.
…
He'd realized it before, but it just hadn't clicked.
Of course, he was able to keep up!
She was LETTING him keep up!
…
She was letting him keep up…
She had been, the entire time!
And she was making a fool of him!
…
She was making a fool of him.
He was so wound up in his own mind that he hadn't gotten it!
She was pulling that "hard-to-get" nonsense again!
…
She was pulling that Goddamn "hard-to-get" nonsense.
That's why he'd been able to keep up with her in the fall!
Now, she was doing the exact same thing again!
…
She was doing the exact same thing again.
If she'd really wanted to, she could've lost him in seconds!
It wouldn't have even been difficult for her!
…
It wouldn't have been difficult—at all—for her to lose him.
But she just kept stringing him along!
Was this just a GAME to her…?!
… …
Naoto… came out of a fog.
Sitting up, he got his feet under him.
He was covered in dust and whatever else he'd picked up, battling and falling and standing up again to get where he was, and it mingled with the sweat to produce, well, mud.
Who was he kidding?
She wanted him to follow! She wanted him to play her game!
… … …
He'd chased her all around the schoolyard, his obsessive tunnel-vision propelling him right along.
Now, the blinders were coming off.
He was hurt, he was tired…
He'd bowed.
He'd begged for her to stop.
And she wouldn't stop.
…
He was in agony.
His foot was probably broken, and he'd run on it until it failed him!
And still, she didn't care!
She was skulking behind some fucking fence ahead of him, and FOR WHAT?!
…
For what?!
Was it fun?
Was it fun to watch him stagger around? To maim himself?!
…
Naoto had been after her, how long he didn't know, and she hadn't even stopped to hear him out.
He'd pleaded for her to stop! He'd asked over and over for her to listen to him!
Here he was, crying again, and here she was, fucking with him… AGAIN!
She didn't care. She didn't care. She just didn't care…
…
Once more, he gazed ahead, Nagatoro hiding in his own plain sight.
…
What was he doing?
What did it mean?!
…
Nagatoro had given him a lot of meaning.
Meaning was worth pursuing.
Nagatoro was worth pursuing.
"…"
But an indefinite chase after something that fights? That does everything to trip you up?
…
Pursuit itself didn't give him meaning.
It wasn't the same as a journey.
He wanted to live his life and not fight for it.
…
Nagatoro may have been worth fighting for…
But chasing after her when she was like this was pretty worthless.
…
It had dawned on him, out of breath, pounding the ground, that he might never see her again.
He knew he'd messed up, and there might've been no hope of fixing anything.
If he lost her—if he lost sight of her—he'd never see her again…
…
But he would see her again.
As long as he played her game, she'd be there, taunting him, just out of his reach.
He'd always see her.
…
The desolation in him turned to something else.
He simply felt angry, remembering how she'd taunted him the last time this crap happened.
She'd even slowed down when he got out of breath, allowing him to keep up the chase.
Deep down, he'd known what she was doing… DEEP DOWN…
That hadn't stopped him from going after her.
Was he stupid to follow her then?
To play her fucking game?
Was he stupid now?
Playing her fucking game?
Her inane, pointless, killable game?
…
If she cared, she'd stop and listen.
"…?!"
No.
If she had any RESPECT for him, she would've stopped!
He didn't CARE if she "cared", which he doubted!
…
If he was truly such a waste of life to her, he DIDN'T want anything from her!
He hated himself, but he didn't hate himself THAT much!
…
Naoto had more than a few thoughts and a few questions, some of them rhetorical.
Why am I chasing her?
And why is she playing hard-to-get again?!
Is she stupid?
Am I stupid?
We've been through this before.
This will go until she corners herself somewhere or even indefinitely.
"…"
Maybe I should just say "screw it" and leave.
I have a test to get to.
It's early yet, but I've eaten, and I can just go visit the nurse and sit and relax for a while.
I can even go wash up! Maybe they'll let me put on gym clothes. Who knows? I could maybe even take a quick shower!
…
I think I'm done with this.
…
He wasn't a dog.
Maybe he wasn't much, but he wasn't a dog or a pet or a toy.
He didn't belong to Nagatoro.
He was a human being; he wasn't that little basket-case's plaything!
…
Naoto made up his mind. I'm not playing your stupid game anymore.
He almost wished that he hadn't bothered with this LAST year.
He almost wished that Nagatoro had never stood up to the Prez in the first place.
His club wouldn't be there, but he wouldn't be the FOOL he is, now OR then.
…
If the Art Club had gone away… if the Prez had ended it…
Maybe he'd have hated Sana Sunomiya forever, not that he'd have been wrong for it.
She might've taken away the one place that had mattered the most to him, unwarranted as it was, and maybe he WOULD hate her guts to the death—and Nagatoro's—but he wouldn't be a fool, at least not in that way.
He might not even be alive, BUT HE WOULDN'T BE THE FOOL HE'D BECOME!
…
Naoto thought that he deserved better, and he thought he should stop.
And he did.
He stopped chasing Nagatoro, not that he'd moved for a couple of minutes.
It was as emblematic as it was verbatim!
…
He took a deep breath and… decided to let it go.
Getting his knees under himself, he made it to all fours, resting on his elbows.
He didn't care.
If she was going to keep playing this stupid game again, he wasn't having it.
…
He shouldn't have lost his temper like that, but it felt good to tell Nagatoro how he really felt.
Even if he hadn't specifically told her what he'd wanted—for her to occasionally shut that fetid twat she called a mouth and let up a little on her Goddamn, shit, cunt, fucking, valueless TIRADES—he'd told her plenty.
He'd said what was necessary!
…
He realized, finally, that things wouldn't get better.
He wouldn't deceive himself any longer.
There was no changing this.
There was no changing HER.
He would never "get through to her", and he'd been cut-your-own-throat stupid for even entertaining that he could.
He'd be garbage evermore to her.
He'd always be a joke.
…
Naoto knew that he wasn't perfect, but he didn't actively hurt people or try to be a piece of shit!
Nagatoro refused to take things seriously.
The graceless cocktease couldn't take a complement like an adult or even interact without mocking him.
She made everything his fault. She twisted everything to where it was HIS FAULT.
EVERYTHING was his fault.
All she did for him was presented as some great favor, like no one else in existence would raise a finger for him, like she was the only one that would ever help him.
She wasn't honest.
She was never straightforward.
She'd driven him to tears twice the first week he'd known her. And she'd nearly driven him to tears many more times.
And it had happened again! He was freshly reduced to tears twice in as many weeks, and it was thanks to her!
…
But Naoto wouldn't cry anymore.
Not over Nagatoro!
Not in the shower!
Not in front of all the girls!
Never!
…
Telling her off the way he had?
It had felt good.
It felt good on a primordial level… on an intimate, even CARNAL level.
That had been some real, good old-brain gratification!
…
A chilling shudder ran through his whole body, and he smiled.
Raising off of his elbows, his still-smarting palms and knees supported him.
He took a long, invigorating breath, and he smiled all the more, the sweat dripping from his nose and chin.
His pulse thumped along down into his fingertips.
In his increasingly wild eyes, the veins around his temples hammering, his hands appeared to expand and contract with each beat.
The pounding blood thumped below the belt. It throbbed, and he noticed that he'd gone semi-hard.
…
He was strong.
He was powerful.
He was correct.
…
He felt fulfilled.
He at once reviled and relished all of this.
It seemed sick, but it was MOST satisfying.
He didn't even feel afraid!
…
The girls back in the art room…
All the girls in that room had seen him pestered and pushed and tormented until he was at his breaking point!
Until recently, they hadn't done a THING to help him!
They'd never told Nagatoro to cut it the fuck out!
Some of them even took part, encouraging or participating!
…
Naoto knew he was right!
If Nagatoro couldn't handle when her "pet" barked back at her, then fuck her!
How many times had those girls been there, watching him suffer, sometimes laughing along, letting it all happen? And all the times they'd taken an active interest in his suffering?!
If they couldn't take Nagatoro's pet barking back, then forget them too!
If Gamo-chan couldn't handle the truth, then maybe she needed to get a clue! How many times had she just sat there, laughing herself sick, while Nagatoro abused him?! How many times had he let her—that Amazon—walk all over him?!
If Yoshi was in a daze over it, then maybe she was due for a reality check! She'd imitate anything that Nagatoro or Gamo-chan did! She was just as guilty!
Sakura understood him—he knew she understood what she'd just seen—and he believed in her more than he believed in any of them. She'd told him to not let things go this way. He trusted her… but it didn't always mean she was right.
Yes…
And Hana…
"…!"
Oh, God… Naoto knew a pang in his chest.
If he talked with any of them before the exam, it'd be her.
But this time, he wasn't sure that she'd take him at face value, much less have faith in him, although, he'd try.
…
But Nagatoro!
That girl had pushed and pushed and pushed and pushed and pushed and pushed and pushed, and she'd finally crossed the line!
"…!"
No.
She'd crossed that line a long time ago and many times over!
He'd just finally decided to do something about it, instead of shunting ever backwards, redrawing that fragile, almost meaningless boundary, worming around on his belly like some subservient, cum-stained wretch, pissing and shitting himself and rutting around in his own filth.
What did he see in Nagatoro anyway?!
She wasn't even interesting as far as her personality went!
She was boring! Unimaginative! Bland! Artless!
She thought he was some weakling worm!
But she didn't even have much of a body herself!
She could take her lackluster, middle-schooler body and fuck off! She wasn't even a woman! She'd just turned 16! If she'd been born a day later, she'd be in Hana's year!
Let some asshole 15-year-olds have her and her underdeveloped body! He wasn't some cradle-robber!
He'd seen her naked in the bath! He hadn't gotten a great look between her legs, but he was pretty sure that he saw that she'd still had a paipan to go with her A-cups!
…
Everything was so clear to him! He just needed to get away from her!
His troubles would be over!
And piling on the blessings, he wouldn't have to think about her bastard brother or that shit of a sister again!
Ichiro and "What's-her-tits"!
He still didn't know Big Sis's name.
But he didn't care! She didn't need one, at least not anything nice.
Pig-vomit!
That was a good enough designation for that gash.
"'Pig-vomit'!" he said it quietly but quite aloud, pleased with how it sounded.
What were they going to do?! They already hated his guts for no reason, so they'd probably be glad that he was out of the picture!
Why would they come after him anyway?! They seemed to like seeing their little sister suffer!
But why would Nagatoro be suffering in the first place? She hated him!
He fucking knew that she hated him!
Even if Ichiro and "Pig-vomit" did try to do something to him, they'd probably wind up in prison until they were old and gray or dead!
They were nothing to him! Assholes! Human garbage!
Fuck 'em! They can both go hang themselves!
No one important would miss them!
They can blow their fucking brains out! A gun wasn't that easy to find in Japan, but like anything else in the world you're not supposed to have, it was only one or two people and a phone call away!
Or maybe Ichiro will try using his fruity… kung-fu or whatever it was on the wrong people… They can hold his head by his faggoty hair when they take turns skull-fucking him! That'd wipe that cocky look off his stupid face!
Naoto would pay a couple thousand yen to see that happen!
Hell, the elder Nagatoro siblings could fuck each other, fuck their mother, and die in a grease fire!
…
He didn't care!
None of that was his problem anymore!
To repeat, it was like coming out of a fog!
All Naoto had to do was let Hayase Nagatoro go!
It was easy. It was so simple!
How had this not occurred to him before?!
…
He didn't know how he'd tidy this up with the rest of the girls, but things would somehow work out.
Yeah…!
His conscience suddenly seemed very light.
Sakura had warned him direly not to go to his English final like this, but he felt pretty good.
Yeah, she wasn't always correct.
…
Standing up—he was pleasantly surprised he could even do this—he turned around.
He limped away, back towards the school's entrance.
…
…
…
Naoto wasn't completely or consciously aware of it, but a part of him knew to expect it, and it only took a moment for it to happen.
The noise and prodding at his back, sides, and in front of him were like needles tearing into the very nerves of his being!
He wanted to beat something—anything—into an unrecognizable pulp.
Though, never the wellspring of all this racket, orbiting from place to place, encompassing all of his senses, in spite of his efforts to ignore it.
He just wanted Nagatoro to shut up and go to Hell.
He'd love to scream at her.
He didn't give a fuck about being the bigger person.
It just felt good to keep quiet; she didn't even deserve to hear his voice!
But his thoughts were loud enough.
If I had any respect for myself, I'd have told your asshole brother and sister a few things… If I'd only had the balls…
"Where do you think you're going, Senpai~?"
I wish I'd dropped all those handouts on the ground in front of your bitch sister when she invited me into your fucking house and just walked away from the whole thing…
"C'mon, Senpai~!"
Goddamn, cunt-eyed snake treating ME that way—ready to call the cops without even letting me explain—when I come to visit her ungrateful little sister and bring her worthless schoolwork to her…
"I'm gonna get away from you~!"
I SO wish I'd walked away from you and your dropout-looking, jizz-monger brother when he treated me like shit for no reason…
"Senpai~~!"
And I wish I'd told him to fuck your mother…
"Yo, Senpai~!"
Make love to her violently! Whatever hole you can find! Use a broken beer bottle for all I care~!
"Stop acting so gross~!"
And if I ever meet MRS. Nagatoro, I'll point between her legs and start booing! Then, I hope your dad gets penile cancer for his part in making you three!
"Give it up~!"
But that ship has sailed… I'll never see THEM again~…
"Senpai, playing it cool~!"
…!
"I know you're all hot and bothered inside~!"
Jesus Christ, you're STILL talking…?!
"…?"
Go away!
"Oh, fine, let's get you to the nurse's office…"
Don't you EVER get tired of running your mouth…?!
"Just c'mon!"
Just stop…!
"Stop being dumb, and c'mon!"
Fuck off already!
"—pai~! What do you think you're doing? You think you're so—"
Go find some other sap for your stupid games, you little troll… Shit all over HIM! Maybe HE'S into that! Me? I'm done with it!
"—oss~! Senpai thinks he's hot stuff~! Who do you think—?"
FUCK OFF!
"Hey…"
Better yet, why don't you go sit on your brother's face, you fucking cocktease?! He can even have a snack! Drop a clot into his mouth when you're on the rag!
"—ink you're doing?! Cut it ou—"
Give him a nice "oyster"! I hope he pukes! And I hope he chokes to death on it!
"Hey, Sen—"
Go fuck yourself!
"—top ignoring me!"
Fuck you!
"Senpai…?"
Stop following me…!
"Senpai…?"
Nagatoro, shut your fucking mouth!
"Seriously! I don't know—"
SHUT UP!
"—isn't funny! What's—?"
ShuT YOur moUTh!
"—alk to me! Plea—"
You sadistic twat! Shut up!
"Please! I don't under—"
Get outta my life, you CUNT!
"—top! Talk to m—"
I hate you!
"—pai! Why—?"
—why are you still making noise I'm sick to fucking suicide of the sound of your voice stop talking stop talking shut up get away from me you piece of fucking garbage—
"—enpai, please just—"
—go lie down on the train tracks stop talking stop talking stop talking Goddamn it shut your fucking face why won't you stop just leave me the Hell alone—
"—eh…? …I—"
—getawayGoddamnit! Fuckyouyoucuntgetawayfrommegetawayfromme! Youcuntgojumpofftheroof! Cuntcuntcuntleavemealone! Godiegodie—
"—… … …Ah…!"
LEAVE ME ALONE!
…
… … …
… …
… … … …
…
"…?" Naoto hadn't realized it immediately.
It was… quiet…
He wasn't sure if it actually was or if his brain was playing tricks on him, but all her could hear were his own footsteps and the buzzing of the cicadas, and no one was physically hounding him.
That must've meant it was real!
"…~" he sighed.
She'd finally stopped talking… Maybe she'd even left~…!
…
Naoto hazily gave Nagatoro's exodus another smidgen of thinking, but now he wanted nothing more than to visit the school nurse.
tep… tep… tep…
chirrup… chirrup… chirrup…
"…~" All there was in the world were his footsteps and the incessant sounds of the Cicadidae.
…
tep-tep-tep-tep…
What's that noise? He perked up; it was a lot louder than his own walking… faster too…
tep-tep-tep-tep…!
He thought he'd heard something, and it wasn't him.
TEP-TEP-TEP-TEP-TEP-TEP!
"…!" He knew he'd heard it this time.
"ScHenN-paaai!" the sound came garbled and thick.
"…?!" Naoto didn't have time to turn. The fuck?!
Whumph!
A pair of slender arms wrapped around him, pinning one of his to his side.
"Ack!" He jumped, dragging his assailant off of her feet.
"Senpai, don't go!" she cried out.
Nagatoro?! He stumbled. What the fuck is she doing?!
Out of little more than reflex and surprise, he shrugged, lurching forward, and he broke her grip.
It wasn't "broke" for long, and Nagatoro latched onto his side, nothing between her clinch and his torso.
Too taken aback to get a word out, he came out of it in a second.
"Get offa me!" He tried to pry her hands and arms loose, but his hands still hurt from the fall, and both of them were slick with sweat from the running and the humid heat.
"No!" she squealed. "Please, Senpai!"
Please?! He couldn't believe what he was hearing. Fuck you!
"Senpai!" she wailed, shifting around to his front.
Naoto's blood boiled back, just has hot as it'd been a moment earlier.
He glared down to her, preparing to wrench her loose, fully ready to tell her the rest of his feelings. "Get offa me, you—"
…!
Nagatoro was crying.
"…?!" Naoto balked. What the…?!
With her arms still fastened to his waist, she sank to her knees, directly in front of him.
She cried, gazing up at him, "No, Senpai…!"
He couldn't have been handed ¥1 billion and still been more flabbergasted at the sight.
Tears and snot ran like faucets in her face, her hair finding its way into everything.
He'd… never seen her like this…
"Don't go!" she beseeched. "Don't leave me!"
…
Don't go? Don't leave? These floated across Naoto's frontal-lobe.
And it happened.
All of his anger left him, as quickly as a popped balloon abandoned its restriction of the air or water it held.
A void remained.
What was…?
"N… N-Nagatoro…" he uttered.
Jumping in on his attentiveness, she poured out just about everything cycling through her head.
"I do wanna help, Senpai!" she wept, her chin somewhere by his navel. "I do wanna help you! I know how much this means to you!"
What are you…?
"I'm sorry, I didn't know what else to do!" she continued, bawling. "I got nervous! It's weird, and I got scared!"
You got scared…?
"I'm sorry I hurt your foot!" she bleated. "I don't know why I did that…! I'm sorry I ruined Sunomiya's art! I'm sorry! I'm sorry…!"
You're…?
"I… I… I love…" she tripped over her own words. "I… love…"
Love?
"I love being your model!" she forced it out. "I wanna keep doing it!"
You do…?
She all but screamed, "Please… Please… Please, Senpai, don't stop being my friend!"
…Friend…
"Don't leave me all alone!" she exuded, holding on as if for dear life.
… … …
… … … … …
…
… … … …
… … …
… … … … … … …
… … … … …
… …
FWIP!
In the nearly vacant void between Naoto's ears, a switch flipped on, casting dim light upon his sentience.
He… couldn't see much of anything.
This…
Just as abruptly, it went dark again.
…?!
Then, a flickering strobe, not unlike lit sparkler appeared in his mind's eye.
He was compelled to grab it!
He expected it to hurt—to burn him—but it didn't.
It just sputtered weakly from within his clenched fist.
No!
Opening his palm, he couldn't let it go out!
"…?!"
Where he was…
He'd… been here before…
He had!
He'd taken Nagatoro here to see the fireworks the previous summer, eager for a better view.
The sparkler put off a new light, not quite as dim as what he'd seen a moment ago, and he allowed it to illuminate his world.
Allowing his eyes to adjust, he saw her.
Crouching across from him—as he was—was Nagatoro.
"…!"
In the light of her own sparkler, she smiled warmly, clad in a yukata of starlight, her hair tied-up in a loose bun.
Looking down, he was in a yukata too! Plain and… taupe, if he was to give it a color, but he was in the festival spirit!
The scent of pine lingered in the air, but it did little to overpower the stench of cheap gunpowder, burning between them.
He never wanted his sparkler to go out! He wanted to sit there until his legs fell asleep, and he had to be helped to his feet and carried away!
…
Was he… seeing the future…?
Was he dreaming…?
Was ANY of this happening…?!
…
It was like… drowning and seeing an easy way to safety.
It was like Heaven opened up, making all things clear.
And he saw just how crazy he was for thinking as he had been…
…
He was crazy!
He'd been tired, dazed, upset!
He hadn't been making a bit of sense!
…
He had no sense…!
Things reversed!
He realized what he'd been about to do!
…
He… did see what he'd been about to do.
The awful thing he'd been ready to do!
He'd been about to make the biggest mistake of his life!
…
He wouldn't make that mistake.
…
She was all that there was for him!
…
Naoto went to his knees, nearly planting Nagatoro in the ground, breaking her clutch.
"Eek!" she squeaked. "Senpai—?"
Whumph!
He hugged her.
He hugged her close…
She protested in surprise, "You're hurting me!"
But she couldn't shake it, and she was pulled to her own knees.
Naoto laced his fingers into her hair, almost crushing her face into his cheek.
"Nagatoro!" he exclaimed.
"Senpai?" she choked.
He broke, and he cried in a way he'd never experienced.
I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!
He wasn't paying the closest attention, but Nagatoro relaxed in his embrace, once he stopped squeezing her like a zit about to explode.
"Senpai…?" her muffled question made it through his shirt, her own tearstained aspect now wedged between his clavicle and his shoulder.
"Nagatoro, I'm sorry!"
"Sen…" she murmured.
I'm sorry, Nagatoro! Naoto cried out silently.
He was.
I believe you!
You're just as scared as me!
He knew this.
I don't hate you!
We're friends! I love that we're friends!
How could he have thought otherwise?
I'm happy that we're all friends!
I'm so glad to have the girls in my life!
There was no denying it.
You're beautiful, Nagatoro!
I love you! I love the sound of your voice!
He did.
You're not the stupid one; I am!
You might not get me, but… I need to try harder to get you!
This was key.
…
He declared, "I want you to keep modeling for me! There's no one I'd rather work with than you!"
"Eep~?!" she startled.
He took her in, her mien.
She flushed, the waterworks lessening. "Senpai?"
"Nagatoro, I'm sorry…" he almost gasped. "I… wanna work with you on this… Please…"
And he saw magic in her face.
"…Okay…" she breathed.
Naoto's heart sang, looking into her eyes, and all became miasma.
I love you!
I love you!
I want to go to the summer festivals with you! I want to go to as many as we can!
I want to watch you walk and run and jump and punch and kick! I love the way you move that body of yours!
I want to go to the beach and get shaved ice and go shopping and hang out and play games and watch movies and get ice cream.
I want to tell you that I love you and want you to be my girl!
I want to kiss you! I want your everything! I want you to be my first! I want you to be my ONLY!
You're my one and only!
And I'm gonna tell you that soon! I'll tell you all of that! Soon!
…
…
…
A lot of Naoto's more recent thoughts and actions seemed a blur to him, sitting back in his homeroom.
What he'd just been through, it felt like trying to wind up a 10-hour movie trilogy in five minutes…!
It seemed too clean, and he didn't seem to remember half of it!
But it was what it was…
Somehow, he and Nagatoro had stopped making such a spectacle of themselves, and she'd helped him to the nurse's office.
Once there, he'd convinced her to leave, though it took some doing. He'd sent a message to Sakura and a follow-up message to Hana, Gamo-chan, and Yoshi, and he'd wanted privacy for that.
Even if he hadn't managed to get Nagatoro to leave him, she'd have been shooed out by the vice-principal and his own homeroom teacher.
He'd received a lecture, a bunch of stuff about him being a club president and that they didn't know what had happened in the art room, but they expected more of one of their seniors.
Quite the racket had been raised, traced to the Art Club, and he was warned to watch himself and his club carefully. It was his responsibility.
All the while he was being scolded, the nurse looked at his foot and found it was only bruised, not that "only" wasn't nothing. An ice pack would deal with it, and thankfully, no one asked many questions about it.
After all, people's feet were trod upon every day in the school's hallways…
Apparently, people also rolled around—outside and on the ground—in the miserable summer heat, coming in filthy.
Maybe they went easy on him because he'd appeared the crying bitchy-boy he'd wished to avoid emulating the last month or so…!
Naoto was SO thankful that the hallways had been abandoned on the way to the nurse!
And since there was still some ample time before the English exam, he blessedly was allowed to shower and change into his gym clothes, the only fresh and clean clothes that he had on hand.
It wasn't bad though. He was clean, dry, he didn't look like he'd been crying anymore, he'd popped a few aspirin, and the icepack resting over his metatarsals felt great.
He'd even moved quickly enough that he didn't cut into the "quiet time" before the exam, which he'd been given SOME grace towards, if needed.
Instead of taking this time to do some last-minute booking, he just sat, thinking and trying to relax.
It was similar to how things had been after he'd seen Gamo-chan crying…
When things went far enough off the rails, sometimes all one could do was "go on as normally as possible".
…
Naoto did have a lot to think about…
How could he have been so selfish to entertain the Art Club being gone?
Hana wouldn't have the club.
How could he take the girls' friendships so lightly?
If he and Nagatoro hadn't fixed things prior to the culture festival, he probably wouldn't be friends with Sakura, Gamo-chan, and Yoshi anymore.
…
Then, he wasn't sure how he felt about Sakura telling him to apologize even if he didn't mean it.
He wasn't sure if he'd have been able to do it without meaning it.
What had she been thinking in the first place?!
Things seemed to turn out, but that seemed pretty terrible, her thinking…
Apologizing had been the best thing to do, but…
…
He'd had some ugly thoughts.
It wasn't the first time, but… it was more than a little more violent than usual.
He could hardly chalk it up to frustration and bad feelings…
He knew he had an anger problem… and a depression problem… and an anxiety problem…
He'd have to do something about that… for his sake and for everyone else's.
He didn't like feeling angry, depressed, and anxious…
No sane person did…
…
But Naoto did his best to put the heavier thinking on the back-burner.
The crux of things was simpler:
He'd fucked up! Big time.
He'd let all his frustration out, taking it out on all of the girls.
It hadn't been easy, but he'd asked Sakura, not to apologize on his behalf, but to send out a group message to those bearing witness to his being a piece of shit to give reading his own message a chance when he sent it out.
He'd reasoned some of them wouldn't be interested in reading anything from him.
Since he hadn't asked Sakura to apologize for him—only to serve as mediator—she'd done this for him.
He certainly wasn't supposed to, but he stole another look at his phone, those around him frantically reviewing vocab.
He'd probably done it 10 times since leaving the nurse, rereading what he'd sent to the girls.
Once Sakura had notified him that all the girls received her message, Naoto had broadcasted his own:
...
Girls,
I just talked with Nagatoro. I don't even know how to tell you how it went, but we talked and still plan to work together Friday. I also visited the nurse, and it's only a bruise, but I'll keep an eye on it.
Please believe me:
I'm sorry. I'm sorry I hurt you all, and I know what I did was so wrong. I've been stressed and confused, and I was a real idiot today. I have no excuse. I took it out on all of you, and I can't make up for that, but please forgive me.
I know messaging you like this is pretty lame, but please believe me. I want to talk to each of you later today. If you can find it in your hearts, please let me talk to you after school. I'll be in the art room until about 5:00.
Concentrate on your exams, but know I'm thinking of you. You're my friends.
Please, everyone, just do your best! I know you all studied hard, and you can all do well.
Love, Naoto
...
Not five seconds after sending that message, he wasn't sure if "love" was the best regards he could've given, but he'd meant what he wrote.
The message itself was also WAY too much!
It wasn't a case of "TL,DR"; it was a case of "you're a real sap, Naoto".
He had meant it—every word—but he could've said it better!
…
Naoto knew this was all his fault.
He had thought his conscience was clear when he'd given up on Nagatoro, but he was wrong.
His conscience wasn't clear at all; he'd merely decided he was correct.
Clearing the air with her actually had him feeling at peace.
…
If Nagatoro hadn't reached out to him…
Yeah…
But it was Sakura's advice that kickstarted his dumb ass. It had seemed crazy, but it worked.
If he hadn't followed her advice, he may have proceeded to the test as if nothing had happened.
He'd have to thank the gal for her guidance, as messed up as it might've been.
And he would thank her. Later.
…
About Nagatoro, he felt… hopeful.
Perhaps he could forgive her for the lame pseudo-date from the prior Saturday.
This time, he could rationally believe that they'd reached a sort of understanding.
Shoot, he knew they had some kind of understanding.
He'd made himself clear!
He wished he'd done better, but he'd done it.
And this was different. They did have an understanding.
Next time he could be constructive and set some boundaries. He'd make things better!
He'd talk with Nagatoro again and calmly tell her that she needed to ease up. They could have fun without her going overboard.
Next time things would be better. Next time he'd make himself clear.
If he communicated properly, then all would be better!
But that could wait until school was over and done with until September.
He had the whole summer to tell her everything.
For now, he had to concentrate on what was in front of him.
Praying the girls had seen his message and taken it as intended, he shut off his phone.
No distractions! I let them know! I'll deal with their answers later! Gotta focus!
And Naoto felt focused.
He was ready, and he'd do just fine on the English exam, as he had in Japanese and as he would on the rest.
The test was handed out.
His teacher gave them the go-ahead, and he began his second final.
Please look forward to the next chapter! Thanks for reading! Questions and comments are welcome!