Francesca Bridgerton Sterling sat in morning room in Scotland reading her letters. Michael was busy that morning in his study working on balancing books and responding to letters from the neighboring estates about trade deals they spoke previously about. Francesca felt relief when Michael took those duties away from her when he came back. On top of the pile were letters from the ladies of the neighboring estates asking her to join them for tea when they return to Scotland after the season ends or even in London if she comes back at any time during the season. Few of them had children of age to debut into society and enter the marriage mart. Memories of that got her to smile. She remembered John and how lucky they were to find each other so fast and find enormous happiness in those two years they had together. She pulled out of her dress chain with a beautiful emerald and diamonds ring on it. Michael gave it to her after she finally accepted his proposals. Yes, proposals because he asked her many times to be his wife. She didn't dare to put a ring on her finger because then everyone would know. She removed her wedding ring just a few months ago, four years after John's death and she wondered what people would say if she puts someone else's ring?

Last letter was from her mother. She informed her that all the children are doing well, that Hyacinth is driving her mad and then she informed her of the two weddings. One was Colin's to Penelope, months before Michael told her they set the date and second was Eloise's. She apparently started corresponding with that man and they developed attachment that got her to think about marriage and in the end accept his offer. She had an idea or two… She was not that naïve girl that married John six years ago. She and John married very soon after getting engaged, but they were not in the rush… They did nothing inappropriate…unlike her and the current earl. She knew of her brothers' reputations and she often heard them speaking about their conquests. One of the advantages of being a quiet introvert in a very loud family is that people don't notice you very often. That is how she found out about many secrets of her siblings, just being quiet, listening and observing. She knew from the beginning that Anthony actually had feelings for Kate, not Miss Edwina. She knew that two of them were alone more than it was appropriate. She knew about the almost kiss in his study because she was hiding outside and saw them before Daphne entered the room. She was hiding in the garden from Eloise when the bee incident happened. And she saw the events in the gazebo. So, she KNEW how her brother and sister now felt for one another. Thinking about it now, she wishes to forget knowing about that particular night.

She got back to reading the letter again looking for clues she might have missed. Eloise, in love?! Francesca wondered how that happened and what sort of magician her future brother was if he got Eloise to say yes to marriage? Her mother didn't mention his name so Francesca had no clue who that man was. She couldn't even remember seeing her sister talk to any man other than their brothers, without the look like she was constipated. Maybe with Michael few times but she spoke to him because she didn't see him as a potential suitor. Michael didn't flirt with her as much as he did with others because he wanted her to feel safe with him. He wanted to be her friend and an extra brother, not future husband. He teased her that he would help her disguise as a boy and take her to hist travels. She would laugh and Violet looked as she would have heart attack at the spot. Francesca and Kate found it funny and often Kate would tease about adventures two of them could have. That made Anthony and Violet even more uncomfortable. They all knew Michael was not interested in her, but even mention of traveling with an unchaperoned unmarried woman was not something to be taken lightly in the society. Elosie loved their little banters and joked that then she would be more traveled than Colin. Also, Francesca knew his favorite was Hyacinth. She wondered if her sister was older if she would have been better fit for Michael than she was. Two of them were cut from the same cloth, but fortunately her sister was a girl. She would not have survived one more rake in the house. And if her suspicions were right, Hy would give her brothers run for their money if she were a boy. There was a wicked part of her wanting to see that play out. Focusing on the investigation on her mind she didn't hear Michael enter the room. He found her sitting with her eyes closed clutching the letter.

''Is everything all right Frannie?''

''My mother sent me a letter.''

''Oh… What did she say?''

''Collin and Penelope got married…''

''Already?''

''Yes…''

''Ha! Last I heard they wanted the autumn wedding…''

''Apparently, they HAD to rush it.''

He smirked at that comment. She saw his smirk and narrowed her eyes at him.

''Michael Sterling!''

''What? I am sure that was on your mind too…''

In the end she knew he was right. Her mind did go there.

''And Eloise is getting married too…''

''Does she also HAVE to marry?''

She narrowed her eyes at him and he kept his perfect smirk.

''No, she is actually about to meet the man she is marrying. They've never seen each other…At least that is what my mother is saying.''

Now that was a new one for the Bridgerton family. Michael knew how previous marriages came to happen and this was not what he expected.

''What? Who with?''

''No have no idea. My mother didn't write anything about that man.''

''When is the wedding? Are you attending?''

Francesca looked at the letter again and then back at Michael.

''Well, according to my mother wedding was week after she sent me the letter. My guess is that Eloise is already married for at least three days now.''

He kissed top of her head and put his hand on her shoulder.

''I am sorry.''

''What for?''

''That you missed it.''

''Well, I live too far away to be on time to the wedding that is happening just few days after the letter was written.''

''You miss your family…''

She did miss them, but she loved her life in Scotland. She loved the quiet she had here. She loved her long walks. She loved morning rides. She loved morning drizzle and time she would spend in her gazebo reading or simply observing the nature and life around her. Some would find her life boring, but she loved it. She loved the quiet and sound of silence she finally got to know after living in a chaos of Bridgerton hone for years. She loved the view from the house. She loved freedom that distance gives her. If she was closer to her family, she wouldn't be able to live this… She wouldn't be able to experience this new form of relationship with Michael in plain sight of the ton.

''Marry me…''

She looked at him a bit surprised.

''I already said I will…''

''No, marry me now…Today!''

She smiled for a moment.

''Michael, we can't get married just like that.''

''Why? Do you want a big wedding? Do you want some special dress? Your family here? I can write to Anthony inviting the Bridgerton clan to Kilmartin for the wedding. If it would make you happy, I will put up with madness of your family and their spouses and children.''

She could imagine her siblings and their families running around. She knew they would enjoy their time together.

''No, I don't need any of that. I had a big wedding. I had my siblings there and it was beautiful. But now…Now I don't feel like I need any of that.''

She put the letter on the table and got up.

''My family doesn't know about us… They will not believe it.''

''Frannie… They will not believe it anyway… Little good Frannie married the evil rake that is her husband's cousin…no…brother….''

John… She remembered him again. Michael mentioning him and how close two of them were was another wave or reality for her. She wants to marry her husband's brother. She knew things like that happen. There were women who married their late husband's family members for different reasons and society forgot about the previous nature of their relationship pretty soon after they married new spouses. But she didn't want John to be forgotten. He didn't deserve to be. He was a beautiful soul and she did love him deeply.

''What will Janet think? Or your mother?''

He smirked.

''My mother will not be that surprised. She has known about my feelings for you for years…. And I don't think that my aunt would be angry at us. She knew you loved John. You were alone for years. It took you four years to even think about new marriage and I am sure you wanted to get married because you wanted a child.''

''I just don't want to disappoint her.''

''She wouldn't be… She loves you.''

She was about to say yes to him when new wave of reality hit her.

''What if I can't give you a child? What if I am…''

''I don't care… I want you Frannie… I want life with you, even if it means that the estate after me goes into hands of those dreadful cousins. Life with you would be worth it.''

''You can't say that. I can't be more important than the family name and all the tittles.''

''You are to me.''

She didn't realize she was crying until Michael wiped her face.

''Talk to me Francesca… What is on your mind?''

''I am afraid….''

''Of what?''

''Of failing you as a wife…failing as the Countess in providing heirs…''

''Then we will fail together…''

''Michael….''

''Marry me Frannie… Marry me now! Let's get our coats and get married…''

He took her hand and took her to his study. He opened the safe and got the box with family wedding rings out of it. Last rings in that box were her and Johns. He remembered that as soon as he opened the box and saw her face. She touched their rings and wiped her eyes.

''I am sorry Francesca… I forgot.''

''No! I just didn't open that box in some time.''

''I didn't want to hurt you.''

She smiled at him.

''I know you didn't. His death will always cause pain, but in time that wound will heal…''

She took the box from his hands and put it on the desk. She took his and took a deep breath.

''Before we get married, I need you to know something.''

He knew better than to interrupt. Francesca was not someone who spoke about her feelings a lot, but when she did, she said what was important for her to be heard.

''I have a past… You have it too and John was part of that past for both of us. He is also our present in many ways. I am his widow; you are his brother; we live on the estate he inherited and took care of…and we will always carry that past with us. Our lives are reminder of him. We will have good days. We will have amazing days and we will have days when his death hurts a lot. Around his birthday or anniversaries of wedding and death, we will not be well. I will have days when I feel all the guilt in the world for being with you and trying to rebuild my life. I am sure you have your share of guilt too, and if we want this marriage to be good for both of us, we have to accept the past we have and share. You can't take me as your wife if you don't accept that I was his first.''

She looked at the box on the table.

''Same goes for those rings too. They were on our fingers and out of respect for both of you, I will not pick the same ring. This box offers many options and as I remember, few of them fit me…including your mother's ring…''

She took out chain out of her dress and showed him the ring around her neck.

''I want to marry you using this ring. I want our beginning to be just ours. You may pick ring from the box, but I would prefer to create rings of our own… New set just for us. I know some of beautiful love stories of your family started with different sets of those rings, but I selfishly want to have set of our own that would be in that box for some next generation to remember us by. We can marry today and ask for rings to be made just for us. Many men don't use rings so your bare finger would not draw attention…and my perfect emerald would be object of envy…along with my handsome husband.''

He smiled at her.

''Yes, I will marry you. I will take you with our shared past and hope for bright future. Good days or bad days, I want you Frannie… I want it all with you and I promise to be patient to ask you if you are doing well on the days, I see something is bothering you.''

''Now, give me a minute to change. I can't marry you in this dress…''

''You said you don't need special dress…''

''I did, but I also know that I can't marry you in my dressing gown and nightdress…''

''That is true…''

She smiled at him and gave him a small kiss.

''I will be joining you soon. You can call for carriage...''

''As you wish Lady Kilmartin.''

She went to her room and rung for her maid. She started getting ready when she came in.

''My Lady, you've asked for me?''

''Yes, please fetch me the green dress from the box in the bottom of my closet and shoes that go with it.''

She used the time her maid needed in the closet to put on small emerald earrings and find matching ribbons for her hair. Green dress had overcoat embroidered with different color flowers. She took green, red and white ribbons and asked her maid to braid them together with her hair. In the end she got very colorful bun and she loved how it looked like.

''Leah, please tell Lord Kilmartin's footman to move his things into earl's bedroom. We are on our way to get married and from now on he will be occupying rooms that belonged to him. And find the keys for the doors that separate our bedrooms. I guess now is the time to unlock them.''

She noticed that her maid was not that surprised. She was sure that maids noticed that her bed didn't look like one person slept in it in the morning when they came to fix it and help her dress. She also knew that Micael's footman also knew he doesn't spend his nights alone.

''Let me congratulate you and Earl on your nuptials.''

''Thank you.''

She smiled and started walking out of the room.

''My Lady, do you need me to get you some flowers for the wedding?''

''Yes, that would be lovely… Just hurry up.''

''I'll be quick.''

''Lord Kilmartin and I will be in his study.''

She left the room and went to find Michael. As she predicted, he was in his study. He changed into more formal suit and stood by the window watching the dog running around.

''I am ready…''

He turned and smiled at her. He recognized that the overcoat of the dress was made from fabric he got her in India. In honesty, he came back from India with two chests filled with fabrics and jewelry for her. There was still so much more he never gave or showed her. Now that she was becoming his wife, he believed it was more appropriate for him to give her all the gifts he got for her in years he spent away.

''You are a vision.''

She smiled and blushed a bit. Leah appeared soon with small bunch of flowers and gave them to her lady. She smiled at them and left the room.

''Now we can leave.''

She nodded and took the hand Michael offered to her. An hour later they were married. At first priest was surprised to see them, but in the end, he was glad that new master and old mistress were getting married. Everyone on the estate loved Franchesca and felt bad for her loss. He hoped that her life with Michael would be happier and that God would be generous to her because she did deserve it. After the wedding, they took some time to walk around town. They got sweets at her favorite place and also got new pair of riding gloves for him. They made a bit unexpected stop to the jewelry shop. He wanted to get her a wedding ring. She did love ring that was on her finger, but he was aware it would rip delicate gloves and that it wouldn't be practical for every day use and he wanted her to have a ring. To know that he is committed to her.

''I want us to pick our wedding rings…''

''OUR?''

''Yes, I will be using a ring too. I might have to take it off in some situations when I am helping the tenants with fixing their houses, but I want to use it. I want everyone to know I have a wife and that I am committed to her and our future.''

She smiled at him and nodded. Mr. Noris was surprised to see them in his shop. Lord and Lady Kilmartin were not his usual costumers and he believed he didn't have exclusive enough models for them to show interest in what he had. He knew that much of Francesca's jewelry was inherited or from London jewelers who were used to making things for rich and privileged. He made wedding rings and very modest earrings or rings in general.

''My Lord… My Lady… How can I help you?''

''We are looking for wedding bands. And we need them to be very simple. Lady Kilmartin plays the piano and she needs a band that would not be heavy on her finger and I want to match.''

He was surprised to hear that his Lord and Lady were getting married and with all their wealth he didn't really expect them to be so modest. He showed them what he had and they settled for a pair that was a bit wider than her old one was but still very practical and simple. He put them in the box and wished them best of luck in the future. Michael put the rings in his pocket and they continued the walk. Francesca wondered how long would it take for the news to spread around the town. She was a bit nervous and excited about it too.

When they arrived home, small cake was waiting for them and dining room was decorated to celebrate their wedding. They were all very happy for them and wished them long and happy marriage. They were both very touched by the gesture. Some of the staff was here since before Michael was born and they saw many good and bad things happen to his family. Michael and her spent the rest of the day going back to the duties they left behind leaving the house to get married. He had letters to finish and meetings with tenants to attend and she had to reply to her correspondence and try to write letters to her family to congratulate them on their nuptials and tell them about her own. She wrote back to her mother telling her that she was doing well. About the estate doing well Helen and Joana spending the season in London and in her letter, she included a short letter to Colin and Penelope and Eloise, since she didn't know their new address. She didn't say a word about her marriage. She sat with her pen above the paper but words couldn't get out of her hand. She put the pen down and looked at her hand with beautiful emerald on her finger and she didn't feel shame looking at it. She felt need to be selfish a bit. Being the sixth child born into family of eight, she never really had anything that was completely hers. Well, maybe John and pianoforte were just hers but everything else she had to share with her loud and big family. She had to share space, she was forced to share her thoughts from time to time and she had to share even Michael because even women from her own family, aside from Eloise, were enchanted by him. Hyacinth and her mother were all giggly and blushing when he was complimenting them. Yes, she knew he had no interest in her baby sister and her mother, but she envied him for being so open to people. She knew there was so much more to Michael than hir rakish behavior and looks. She knew the person behind all that. He was her best friend for so long and they got to know different sides of one another even before their friendship blossomed into…whatever got them to get married. She did have feelings for him. Some sort of feelings for him, but she believed that calling them love would be too soon and disrespect to John's memory. Then she found it ironic she believed love would be disrespect after doing some very wicked things with his cousin in this very room and some others for that matter. But now she was married to Michael and whatever happened on that front was to have a child…not for the pleasure itself. Well, there was a lot of pleasure in trying to get pregnant. She wouldn't lie about it, but it was not love. John was love; this is…something different.

They saw one another next at dinner. They spoke about their day and Michael confessed to her that he didn't tell anyone about their nuptials.

''I apologize Frannie… I just wanted to be a little selfish and keep this to ourselves just for a moment. I still feel like all this is a dream and I will wake up to learn it never took place.''

She smiled at him.

''I sent replays to my letters today…and I couldn't tell anyone also. I wanted to keep it for myself for a moment longer. I know we will have to write to your mother and Janet, but I am dreading that letter. I fear she will respond in some manner that would be hurtful.''

''She loves you. I told you already there is nothing to fear of.''

''Yes, she does. I am not sure if she would love me knowing I married her son's brother.''

''She is like second mother to me. Both John and I were only children so my mother and aunt Joana never saw us as cousins but brothers and their own sons. That is why I am sure she will not stop loving you. Maybe she will need a moment to adjust to the new arrangement in the family, but her love will not change. She will never stop missing her own son. And in a way we all will miss him too. I love you Frannie, but I would trade my own life for his in any moment if I could. When I learned of his death…and saw you so broken…I wished it was me. John was so good and he loved life…loved life with you and then…''

They both were crying. Francesca got up from her chair and walked up to him. She took a seat on a chair beside him and took his hand.

''I know you loved him so much… And he loved you in the same way. He was a quiet man but his love for your was very loud, almost as your love for him. And if he could talk now, he would have told you that he would never wanted your life for his. And I wouldn't either… That never crossed my mind Michael, not in the worst moments of my loss and that pain I believed would never leave me, I never wished you dead instead of him.''

She still had so many things to say about her pain and so little wish to ever speak of it, but she had to for Michael. She looked at her husband and realized that he is very much like Anthony.

''What I learned from the loss of my father is that death is not the end of love. He is still my father; he is still my mother's biggest love and he is still with us. Not in a physical form but in little things. In Anthony's manner of being the head of the family and taking care of all of us for years. In Ben's love for art and smile. In Daphne's fierce way of loving our family. In Colin's adventures and travels. Yes, he and mother married young and produced too many children for traveling often, but in his library, in his mind, he traveled the world. I can see him in Elosie's need of knowledge, my love for music, Gregory's pranks and even in Hy that never met him. I feel him in Aubrey Hall every time I walk the gardens or read the book. I don't remember much, but I do feel him. I see him in my mother's smile when she tells us stories about him or when she glances at the painting of two of them. Same with John. His loss was cause of a lot of pain and even more pain was brought by the loss of the baby, but I refuse to let it could my life. I've lived with loss for so many years that I forgot to live…even as a child. You made me live…''

He looked at her a bit surprised. How did he make her live? He did nothing he believed was worth this comment.

''How?''

She lowered her gaze. She knew this would hurt them both.

''You left me too… You left and I had to pick up the pieces of me and grind through every day. I came back here and buried myself in running the estate with our mothers.''

He wanted to say something. To apologize, but she didn't let him.

''I don't blame you for leaving. I know now you had to. You had to heal too. And I am sorry if you feel like you failed me in some way. I don't blame you for finding your own way to deal. I missed you; I needed you but, in all honesty, I don't know what would have happened if you stayed. You would have hated me for being so broken and lost.''

''I could never.''

''Yes, you could. You would… You loved me and you would have been angry at me for not wanting to go on and live. You would have taken care of me and at the same time you would grow to hate me because I can grieve in the open and you don't have that luxury. You were the head of the household and I was JUST a widow who lost a child and husband in matter of days. Anthony grew to hate our mother for that reason. She spent years closed off to the world grieving the loss of my father and he had no time for it. That is why he had that crazy idea to marry someone he doesn't love. He didn't want his widow to be broken as our mother was and didn't want his heir to live what he had to live. Our father left too soon. Anthony was just eighteen and he became a father to Hy, husband to my mother and father to us younger kids too… It was not right. So, I believe I can say now that I am glad you left. We wouldn't be here today.''

''Oh, Frannie… I could never hate you… Yes, it was hard watching you in such pain…but hate you…''

''I know what I am talking about. I've would have hated you too. You are good at running the estate, but you don't do it in the same manner John did. He was a bit naïve and we were lucky to have very good tenants and neighbors that didn't try to cheat us out of anything. You run a tight ship and check everything before accepting the trade or helping in any way. He was not like that. I would have hated you for that, for not being him, not doing things the same way. I would have felt like you are doing everything wrong. I would have hated you for doing things that he was supposed to do. Making choices that were his. And now I know that anger is normal part of grief process. Anger at the person who died as much as the ones who got to live. Even at God. What sort of God would let a mother burry her only child? Take away a child from a grieving widow? I had a lot of anger and hate inside of me for a long time and if you stayed, that would have ripped apart relationship we had. You leaving made me grow up and own up to who I was.''

He wanted to say so much, but knew better than to interrupt. If she doesn't say what she wants to, he will never know these things. Francesca was a vault. She would close and it was difficult to get her to open up again.

''Part of that mourning is need, desire for everything to say the same. I couldn't empty his rooms for you, I couldn't pack up his things and just pretend he never existed. I was glad you never wanted to move into his rooms because I kept that as a shrine for years. I would ask for his bedding to be changed, flowers brought to his rooms. His clothes were kept in the same manner as they were when he was alive and it took years to finally put him to rest. Now I can see you in earl's chambers and I wouldn't be angry if you wanted to change something. But back then… I am not sure how I would react if you tried to move something unimportant as his cufflinks or a comb.''

''What changed your mind?''

''One day I woke up and realized I have a decision to make. Am I going to live or let myself fade? John was not an evil and selfish man. He would have wanted me to be happy and not to spend my entire life wondering what I could have had if he stayed alive. I wanted a child. I don't need eight like my parents did. I want three the most… I wanted to feel useful…not just as someone who runs the estate and helps tenants, but as a woman too. I felt like I failed John with not providing him with an heir…And I was not sure what would happen to me if or when you came back.''

''Me?''

''Well, it was expected now from you to have and heir and marry. I am sure no wife would tolerate me in the house. I know you would have provided for me and got me a house and some money. I could always live with my mother or some of my siblings…''

''I never wanted to marry. I only wanted you, a woman I could never have…''

''Well, look how that turned out.''

That got them both to laugh.

''Even if I married someone else, you would be my priority.''

''No, I would have not been. You children would have been and that is what life is all about for all of us. Our children and what we teach them and leave them with.''

''I only want that with you.''

''I may not give it to you…''

''I don't care. I know I would be happy just having you. You are enough for me. You matter more than any estate or who will inherit all this. To hell with all this Frannie. You are my biggest reward in life and I don't know what I did to deserve you.''

''Nothing. You were just you… So authentically and annoyingly you.''

He got up from the table and offered her his hand.

''Come with me.''

She looked around and saw that some of the servants still remained in the room. She was sure it was not appropriate to retire to their rooms that early. They all knew it was their wedding night and she was also sure that many of them knew it was not their first night together. They have been sneaking around for some time now…but still. They were lord and lady of the house…they should have some manners.

''Where are we going Michael?''

''To the morning room. I want you to play for me. I haven't heard you play in a long time. I missed it when I was traveling. I missed seeing you at your piano smiling at me and rolling your eyes when John or me said something you don't agree with.''

That was a surprise.

''Oh…''

''And where did you think we were going Lady Kilmartin?''

She blushed a bit.

''Nowhere…Nowhere…''