Hello everyone! It is that time again! For more dumb crack stupid fuckery!
Work is being hell so had no time to do anything meaningful, like write. But hey! We moveeee.
Hope you are all doing well though!
-clap- Review -clap- Review!
Josh Spicer - I love the name! and Loved the pun :D Thank youuuu.
PF115 - And if I were to tell you neither of those things were going to happen? I don't know if it will but who does? :P
JohnJaunRamboJr35- As always! thank you for the support!
SunWukongMogar - We will have to wait and see if she likes to get choked ;D
MT's Souless6 - Many more bro codes to break though. One day they might be guilty.
Reader and guest reviews - thank you for taking the time to read and review!
Thank you all for the kind words! Love ya all!
I do not own RWBY!
Enjoy!
"You and Weiss!" Neptune screamed causing Jaune to wince "How did that even happen? She hates you!"
The two boys were sat on opposite sides of the kitchen table with Neptune's laptop angled between them. The explanation had been going on for about half an hour at this point and all the blue haired boy could do was point in disbelief.
"If you'd let me fucking speak, I'd tell you how." Jaune angrily shot back with more venom than he intended. Every time he opened his mouth to explain himself, Neptune would just scream in shock and point at him.
"Sorry..." Neptune muttered, taking in a deep breath and calming himself down "Okay. Go ahead."
Jaune awkwardly scratched the back of his head "Weiss and I had sex." He started off and looked away from his friend. Why was this so difficult?
"I saw. I'm asking how it happened?"
"Oh yeah..." Deep blue eyes scanned the room, carefully avoiding his roommates "I guess it started at the party. I didn't even want to go, so I just went in to the first room I found and drunk on my own." He spoke, reliving the other night in his head "Next thing that happened, Weiss came in and started to strip and then... Well.. Ya know..."
Neptune stayed silent but tears were falling from his eyes "You..."
Jaune felt terrible, if he had known that one of his best friends would get this upset over him sleeping with a girl, he would never have done it "I'm sorry, man..." Jaune apologised.
"You..." The bluenette's eyes were ablaze with rage "How come you and Sun had sex that night and I didn't!?" His voice rose in anger "I'm the womanizer of the group and I failed to pull?!"
Jaune blinked "Urm, what?"
"You heard me!" He lunged over the table and gripped Jaune by the shirt "Is something wrong with me?"
"I thought you left with Reese?" Jaune countered.
"I thought she was down but she just made me walk her home!" Neptune cried out.
"Wait! So you're not mad about me sleeping with your ex?"
"What? Hell no!" Neptune released the blonde and sunk back in to his chair "I've been with a lot of girls and I mean a lot. Either you or Sun were gonna sleep with someone I dated eventually." He shrugged "Never would have thought it would be you though." He admitted.
Jaune laughed and sheepishly rubbed the back of his head "Me either."
"Still..." Neptune continued "Weiss is in to you. Who would've seen that coming?"
"I don't think she's in to me. I think it's more like I'm the only one who doesn't treat her like she's a princess." Jaune hummed "I guess she's just craving something other than being smothered by pretend kindness." He shrugged "Eh, who knows?"
"Either way you're two for two on sleeping with absolute tens! Weiss Schnee and-"
"Don't you say it!" The blonde quickly interrupted.
"Ah, my bad." Neptune apologised "Didn't realise it still affected you."
Jaune sighed "It's okay. It's just not something I'd like to think about right now, I have enough crap to deal with as is. Speaking of, can you delete that video for me please?"
"Sure." Neptune quickly deleted the video and Jaune loosened up a bit "All good?"
"Yeah, thanks man. Dunno what I'd do if that thing got out around campus."
"People would probably start looking at you like a god or something." Neptune laughed "All hail Jaune Arc, plougher of pussy!"
"Yeah yeah, shut up." Jaune shook his head "Just make sure you don't tell anyone about this, okay?"
"Wait! Am I the only one who knows?"
Jaune knew he wasn't but nodded anyway "Yep, just you."
"Interesting...Very interesting." Neptune stroked his chin thoughtfully "So what you're telling me is that I have all the power?"
"Tell people Weiss and I are sleeping with each other. No one would believe you."
Neptune gave it some thought and reluctantly forfeited his blackmail attempt "I guess, I wouldn't have believed it had I not watched the video."
"See? No one will believe it, so whatever you were going to try and force me to do, you can forget it."
"Was only a bar crawl with the boys..."
"I'm not really the 'go out and enjoy yourself' kind of guy, Nep." Jaune crossed his arms.
"You were before she who shall not be named happened. What happened to the drink you under the table Jaune?" Neptune noticed the blondes face fall, but pushed on his assault "We used to party every night in high school and now that we're in Uni, we hardly ever go out. Remember karaoke Thursdays?"
Jaune nodded "Yeah, I remember Karaoke Thursdays." He smiled at the memories "But we're here to sculpt out our futures, not get drunk every night."
"One night out wont hurt." Neptune countered "Come on, after the shit you've been dealing with, I think you need a lads night out."
"I dunno... I don't see how it would help."
"To relax you idiot!"
"Hmmm... When?"
"Huh?" Neptune didn't expect it to go this easily.
"When are we doing this?" Jaune repeated.
"Yeah boyyy!"
~~~Vale University~~~
"For the last time Yang, I'm fine." Weiss groaned in to the phone. She was currently relaxing on one of the lifeguard chairs while Sun did most of, if not all, the work. "For the last time, there's nothing going on between me and Arc, despite what Blake thinks she heard." She saw Sun approaching her and let out a slightly irritated sigh "Look, I got to go. Talk to you later." She bid her goodbyes and hung up the phone.
"Working hard I see." Sun climbed on to his own chair and shook his head in a weak attempt to dry it.
"Hey! You're getting me wet." Weiss cried "What are you? A dog?"
"A monkey actually." The tanned boy laughed before opening up his cooler and retrieving two cans "For you." He held out a can of lemonade.
"Do you honestly think I would put that crap in my body?" She deadpanned.
"It's zero sugar and calories."
"Oh, well in that case." She cracked the ice cold can open and took a swig, letting out a content breath "Thanks I suppose."
"You're welcome, Ice queen." Sun laughed at the way she scowled at the nickname.
"Call me that again and I'll start calling you Peggle." She threatened.
Sun froze and felt a shiver travel his spine "D-Duly noted." He gave an awkward laugh and swallowed the lump in his throat.
"This is actually so boring." Weiss complained, taking another sip of the cold lemonade. How Yang had persuaded her to get a job was beyond her. After all, a Schnee didn't do menial labour.
"Why did you actually apply for a job? Aren't you like a gazillionaire?" Sun questioned "You also don't seem like the type of person to want a job?"
"What does it matter to you?" She countered "Not like someone like you would understand. Just because Blake and Yang seem to like you doesn't mean I do. So if you would so kindly stay out of my business."
Sun frowned "I'm taking away your break." He simply replied.
"What? You can't do that."
"I'm the head lifeguard, so I'll think you'll find that I can in fact do that." The boy smirked victoriously and cracked open his own can of soda "I'm kidding by the way."
"Idiot..." Weiss muttered into her can.
Before Sun could reply his phone rang, picking the vibrating object up he hit answer "Yo, Jaune. What's up?"
Weiss' eyes narrowed and she leaned a little closer to the boy, trying to listen to the conversation.
"A night out with the boys you say." Sun smiled "That's not like you. Is Neptune blackmailing you again?... Okay, yeah sure... 9pm at the usual place... See ya then buddy." He hung the phone up and glanced at Weiss who was leaning over her chair towards him "Are you okay?"
The girls cheeks grew red from embarrassment and she straightened up in her chair "I'm fine!"
A sly smile appeared on the tanned monkeys face "I'd prefer it if you could stay out of my personal business, thank you kindly." He laughed.
"Oh shut up you insufferable buffoon... So, where is the usual place?" She internally cursed herself, how dare her curiosity get the better of her!
~~~Vale University~~~
'How had this gone so wrong?' Jaune fiddled with the top button of his light blue shirt as he fixed Neptune with a glare.
Neptune was sweating nervously and whispered to the irate blonde "How was I supposed to know Sun was going to invite the girls?"
The group were all sat around a large circular table with the boys on one side and the girls on the other with a singular seat left in between Yang and Ren. Starting from Ren the seating arrangement went, Ren, Sun, Jaune, Neptune on the boys side and Yang, Blake and Weiss on the other side. Unfortunately for Jaune, he was sat opposite Weiss.
"Do you two dolts have a staring problem?" Weiss asked the two panicky boys, earning them glares from both Yang and Blake.
"Hey hey hey!" Sun intervened "Remember the rule. Good vibes only." He recited "No death glares or insults. Let's just try and have a good, fun night. Okay?"
His response was in the form of several groans and a solitary sigh from Ren, who was currently wondering why he even accepted his roommates request to go out.
"If that's the case..." Yang started, eyes focused on Jaune "I think Arc should buy the first round of drinks. As an apology for what he did to Weiss."
Jaune seeing this as an opportunity to get a few minutes away from the table shot straight up "You know what Yang. That's a good idea. Neptune come help carry the drinks." He said, already marching towards the safety of the bar.
"Right there with ya buddy." Neptune shot up and gave chase to his friend who was already at the bar placing an order. "That absolute moron!" Neptune cursed "Is he an idiot?"
Jaune picked up one of the shots that the girl behind the bar placed down and necked it back "You've met him!" Jaune said in a hushed panic "God, what are we going to do?"
"We?"
"You're the only one who knows about me and her and she said if I tell anyone she'll make me pay!" Jaune cried "I can just go home. Say I'm sick or something."
Neptune gripped the blonde's shoulders and shook him "Get a grip, man! Jesus, look at you. Why are you going to let her affect you like this?"
"I-"
"Come on, you got this, bro!" Neptune shot him a thumbs up.
Jaune slowly picked up another random shot glass and saw it off "You're right, I ain't gonna let no stuck up bitch ruin my night out."
A cough interrupted the pep talk and the irritated bartender looked at the two "Can you just pay for the drinks and go back to your table, please." Throwing a strand of hair behind her ear.
Neptune's flirtatious smile appeared "Sorry about that sweetheart, how much do we owe?" He asked, suavely.
"42 Lien." She scowled at the bluenette.
Neptune scooped up several of the drinks "See ya at the table, Jaune."
"Asshole..." Jaune shook his head and pulled out his wallet and removing his bank card.
"Having a rough night?" The girl behind the bar asked, leaning on the bar.
He paid for the drinks and pocketed his card "Something like that I guess..." He sighed.
The girl nodded in agreement "I feel ya. If you need anything don't hesitate to ask." She shot him a wink and walked away laughing.
"Weird..." Jaune shook his head and carried the remaining drinks over to the table. Placing a random glass in front of Ren and the glass of wine in front of Weiss.
"Thank you." Weiss put the glass to her lips and went back to listening to Yang.
"Is this whiskey?" Ren asked with another sigh. Seriously, why did he come out.
"It all does the same thing." Sun laughed, throwing an arm around the quiet boy "Just enjoy yourself." And thus, the night began.
~~~Vale University~~~
Nora Valkyrie was a simple girl, or so she thought. Get a degree in a subject she didn't care for and work a job that pays enough to get by. She remembered the one rule her father gave her before she left for Uni; No dating! She had followed the rule so far, but that was before he walked in.
The silent, edgy looking boy with long dark hair. The way he sipped his drink while ignoring everyone around him made her feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
"See something you like?" Her co-worker, May Zedong teased. Her eyes drifting towards the subject of Nora's gaze "Never would have pegged you to be in to the dark and mysterious kind of guys."
"I don't know what it is about him..." Nora agreed "But damn, you seen his butt in those jeans?"
May laughed "Can't say I have. Besides, the blonde with blue eyes is the best looking guy over there."
"What? The guy everyone calls a creep?" The ginger asked "Ah well. You can have him, I'm already set on mister edgy."
An idea popped into May's head "Why don't you go and join them? Take the rest of the night off."
"For real? Will you be okay?" Nora voice became more excited.
May pulled out a tray and placed several drinks on top "Sure! Me and Roy can manage." She wrote down on a piece of paper and threw it on the tray "Take these." She handed Nora the tray "And get your man."
"Yes boss!" Nora saluted with her free hand "What about the note?"
"Give that to the blonde and tell him it's from me." She shooed the girl away "Now begone!"
"I owe you one."
~~~Vale University~~~
"And that's how me and Neptune met." Sun finished his story much to the embarrassment of Neptune.
"Really dude?" Neptune frowned at his friend.
"It wasn't that bad." Yang assured him in between laughter "Good story, Sun."
Jaune was relieved that none of the conversations had been directed at him, guess being known as a creep was a blessing and a curse. Weiss kept trying to make eye contact with him, but he did his best to look anywhere but. It wasn't like Neptune and Sun weren't trying to include him, it's just whenever they tried, Yang would change the subject.
"Welllllll Hello handsome!"
The group looked up at the new voice, seeing the ginger girl who had brought their drinks over earlier stood at the edge of the table, a full tray of drinks in her hands.
"Hello to you too, beautiful." Neptune winked at the girl.
"Not talking to you~" She sung "Or you." She pointed at Sun "Or you." Then Jaune "I'm talking to you." She paused on Ren and placed the drinks down.
"What..." Neptune frowned as he got shot down.
"M-Me?" Ren stammered, not many things took the boy by surprise, but then again, he never had the experience of an attractive girl coming on to him.
"Yeah you!" She slid into the chair next to him and grabbed a fruity cocktail from off the tray "Name's Nora." She smiled widely and raised the glass to her lips "Mind if I join you?"
"You can't just join us without permission." Weiss protested "None of us know you!"
"I don't see the harm." Jaune added earning him a death glare from the Heiress and a silent 'thank you' from Ren "And besides, she got us a free round of drinks."
"See? Blondie mc' Broody pants is cool with it." Nora smiled at the group "Also, that note is for you." She gestured to the folded napkin on the tray.
"Broody?..." Jaune muttered, reaching over and picking up the note. He unfolded the napkin and immediately felt the heat rise up his neck and face. Unfortunately, Weiss had glanced over at him and saw him quickly fold the note and pocket it. She raised an eyebrow and a displeased frown worked It's way on to her face.
"That doesn't change the fact that we don't know you." Yang countered to defend her friend, not really caring if she stays or not.
"Then how about we all get to know each other?" The intruder suggested.
"What did ya have in mind?" Sun tilted his head "You wanna just talk and get to know each other?"
Nora chuckled "No way! That's boring!" A devilish grin appeared across her face "There's no better way of making friends than drinking together. So, let's play a game of truths!" She cheered and no one joined her.
"Truths?" Blake asked.
"It's real simple. We go round and ask each other questions and if you don't answer you have to do a shot!" The bubbly girl explained the rules "I'll even buy the first round." She hopped up from her seat and ran her hand across Ren's hair, before skipping to the bar.
"I don't care what any of you say." Ren eyed the party "She is staying." He said firmly.
No one dared to oppose him.
"She seems nice." Jaune said, earning him a swift kick to the shin from Weiss. He winced in pain but luckily no one noticed.
"I agree, a bit loud but that's nothing I'm not used to." Blake smiled at the blonde boy and nodded over to the boisterous girl beside her.
Yang looked shocked that Blake had agreed with Arc and opened her mouth to say something but was stopped as Nora arrived back at the table, a full tray of shots in hand.
"Here ya go!" She placed the shots in the middle of the table "I'll ask first!" She announced and swiftly turned to look at Ren "Do you think I'm pretty?"
Everyone's eyes widened as they realised just what kind of questions were going to be asked. All but Ren held firm and with a sigh, looked at Nora.
"Yes." He replied simply. There was no way in hell he was going to let this opportunity escape him. A chorus of ooooh's! and a single Wahey! courtesy of Sun, echoed throughout, the otherwise quiet bar. Ren smirked and turned to his roommate and the monkey faunus felt his blood run cold as Ren spoke "My turn."
"F-Fire away." Sun challenged his usually reserved friend. There was no way he was going to let Ren show him up in front of Blake. He wouldn't back down from any questions that got thrown his way!
"Why have you been limping recently?"
Yang and Blake shared a knowing giggle as Sun threw back the shot. The alcohol burned the tanned boys throat as it made It's way into his body. "What the hell was that?" He said between coughs "Shit burns."
"Absinthe." Nora answered with an uncaring shrug.
"...Absinthe..." The majority of the table groaned, but none backed out from the game. Free alcohol was still free alcohol after all.
"Fine. My question is for Yang." Sun sat back in his seat, a little more serious than before the shot.
Yang nodded and waited for the question.
"Do you have a crush on Blak-"
Before he could finish Yang had already taken her shot and slammed the empty glass on the table "M-My question!" She spluttered out, face now a deep shade of crimson.
"You guys are boring!" Nora whined "Who's have thought that Ren would have more balls than you two?" She looked between the two cocky blondes.
Jaune let out a quiet chuckle and the whole table turned on him. He instantly sat up straight and swore that Yang's eyes were burning with fire. He gulped knowing he had fucked up.
"Find something funny, Virgin?" Yang scowled at the boy.
"Not really..." Jaune replied "I'm also not a virgin..." He felt Weiss and Neptune stare at him wide-eyed and once again knew he had messed up.
"Oh really?" Yang grinned evilly "Well, seeing as It's my question. What girl would stoop low enough to sleep with you?"
"Finally a juicy question!" Nora cried out happily.
He felt two sets of blue eyes fall on him, each carrying a different amount of concern. Weiss was worried that people would find out about her and Jaune while Neptune seemed genuinely concerned for him. Reluctantly he picked up a shot glass and necked the absinthe back. He grimaced at the taste of both the alcohol and giving Yang the satisfaction.
"My turn I guess. Neptune." Jaune turned to his roommate "How many girls have you actually slept with?"
Without missing a beat, Neptune answered "43."
A group was divided into impressive nods and disgusted looks.
"What? Isn't my fault I'm the best looking guy on campus." He gave a toothy grin before taking a swig of his beer "So, My turn?"
'It's gonna be a long night...' Jaune thought.
Bleghhhhhhh More content to feed on. Kind of a slow chapter but hey hey, time to start introducing new characters and to set up the next Story Arc!
Hope ya enjoyed and things! Thank you for reading and I hope you continue to read my dumb fics!
Love ya all!
Special Thanks to my IRL Boiiii Ciaran! Love ya buddy!