Hello! So, as I was writing more chapters I rewrote chapter 1. Soon though I'll be posting the other chapters as well. So I hope that you like and enjoy this chapter as well as the upcoming chapters, it's been real fun writing them and I really love this story. This is also the most detailed story I've ever come up with so I hope I can do it justice. Anyway, here is chapter one, The Solace Room.
"Grief can't be shared. Everyone carries it alone; his own burden in his own way."
xxx
Naruto is running, breathlessly and desperately pushing himself towards the sirens and blinking red and blue lights.
The closer he gets, the faster he forces his tired aching legs. Adrenaline pumping through his veins, his lungs aching for a break. His sides hurt from all the running, but he can't stop, he needs to hurry, and he needs to get there.
He needs to make sure.
Make sure that his lover isn't dead.
Luckily, the tough training he received is helping him get there, to get to his lover faster.
What if he is dead when he gets there? What if he doesn't get a chance to talk to him?
With thoughts like that in mind, he runs, almost stumbling over his own feet from his desperate attempt to reach the light of his life.
Naruto stares at himself in the mirror, the dark circles under his eyes almost permanent now. Nightmares flooding his sleep often, memories inflicting themselves on him almost constantly.
Even at sixty-four, he still can't move beyond his own past. But despite that, he keeps pushing forward because what else can he do? But what kinda life is that?
Naruto washes the sweat from his face and changes into a comfortable pair of jeans and black t-shirt before walking down the stairs to the kitchen, he mindlessly kisses his wife's head as he passes her, his eyes solely on his coffee.
Naruto's wife, Hinata, looks at him worriedly.
"Bad dreams again?"
"Yeah." Naruto takes a sip of his coffee after he replies, not looking towards his wife.
"Dear?"
"Yeah?" He says tiredly.
"Don't forget our grandkids and son are gonna stay with us for a little bit." Hinata continues cooking as she talks.
"Okay."
She stares at his back without saying a word, not knowing what she should say.
Naruto walks to his office, well it's not quite an office, it's basically a solace room. A room where he can sit and be alone. He has a desk and chair along with a bookcase filled with books and a small couch in the corner with a small table next to it but it's just his own little cave.
He slowly makes his way to his solace room with his cup of coffee, lost in his nightmares and memories like normal. A routine he's had for forty-one years.
Some days he's fine and can go the whole day without those memories and thoughts but today is pretty bad, and on days like this, all he wants is to indulge in his own depression and grief and sit in his chair in his room, alone.
He should feel bad for his wife, while he sits in here thinking about his first love, his wife is out there cooking for their family. How does she put up with this?
She knew, though, from the start that he was depressed and why he was depressed but maybe she thought he would change. Maybe she thought he'd get over his first love and then love her more, even though he told her that would never happen.
However, they dated, then married and had a son. A son who now has his own family.
Naruto knew and Hinata eventually found out that he would never love her the way he still loves his first love, but she wanted to settle down with him, and he wanted to make an attempt at a normal life, just like he promised his first love.
Naruto settles down in his chair and takes another sip of his coffee, the memories coming back to life once again in his mind.
Naruto runs up to the area he was searching for, red and blue lights flashing from several police cars and ambulances.
People were everywhere, creating a huge crowd around the police tape and there is another crowd inside the police tape of dead bodies, people barely alive and police officers and paramedics.
He looks around frantically, trying to find a way in but there are so many officers guarding the way in. So, he just takes off, trying to jump over the tape at full speed.
He gets very close, some of the officers notice him but he jumps over only to be caught by several of the police officers. They hold him down while Naruto screams and fights.
"Please! I have to get by! Someone really important to me could be dyin' or already dead!" Naruto is sobbing now, still desperately fighting the people who are barely able to hold him down. Naruto's strength from his rigorous training making it difficult for them.
"Sorry, kid. I can't let ya through, we gotta lot to do here." The cop holding his arms behind his head replies.
"Please.. if he's dyin' then I won't get a chance to say goodbye." He slams his head into the asphalt as he sobs.
Naruto looks up suddenly when he hears a familiar voice, scanning the crowd in front of him when he spots Fugaku just a little ways away.
"Fugaku! Oi!" Naruto hollers, the hope evident on his face.
Fugaku looks up, his face incredibly tense, he looks back down and speaks to someone on the ground before he gets up and walks over to Naruto. Fugaku looks at the officers and tells them 'it's okay'. Naruto feels the pressure release him and he quickly jumps to his feet.
"Where's Sasuke?" Naruto worriedly asks.
"He's over here but I must warn ya, he looks real bad, he's been shot several times in the back. They're gettin' ready to transport 'em to the hospital."
Naruto's face goes pale as the blood drains from his face, his heart feels like it stops before it resumes its speed from before, and his palms begin to sweat as his legs feel weak, like he'll fall to the ground and die himself.
"Is...is he gonna be okay?"
No amount of training could've prepared him for this, not for his family to be the victims.
Fugaku looks down, "They ain't hopeful, son."
Naruto jumps when he hears a knock on his door.
"Honey? The kids are here." Hinata says through the door before walking away.
He gulps down the rest of his coffee before standing up to go greet his son, his son's wife and their kids.
"Granny! Papa!" Menma and Mona both come running from the car.
Menma and Mona are six year old twins, Boruto and Hanamaki had waited to have kids and when she got pregnant, it was with the twins. They were so happy when they found out they were having twins, a girl and a boy and they called Hinata the day they found out.
Hinata opens her arms as she crouches low to the ground, giving her grandkids a big bear hug. Naruto watches with a small smile that barely reaches his eyes from his spot on the porch.
Boruto approaches with his wife, greeting his parents.
"The kids have been beggin' to come see y'all for a while now." Boruto chuckles.
"What took ya so long? You should visit your parents more often." Hinata scolds but wearing a smile on her face. She can barely contain her excitement at seeing her son and grandchildren again.
"Yeah, yeah, I'm sorry, ma." Boruto smiles giving her a big hug.
"Hey, Hinata, Naruto." Hanamaki says with a head bow and a big smile.
"Hi, honey. How are ya?" Hinata gives her a hug.
"I'm doin' good, thanks. How bout you?" She smiles.
"I'm good, sweetie. Just happy to see y'all!"
Boruto grabs their suitcases and walks into the porch, giving Naruto a sour look.
"Dad." His voice tense.
"Hey, Boruto." Naruto sighs.
Hinata and Hanamaki watch the transaction with sadness and disappointment, Boruto and Naruto haven't had a good relationship since Boruto was a child and it seems like no matter how much time goes by, their relationship is as broken as it's always been.
He's been angry at his father for a long time because Naruto spent most of his time alone in his solace room, leaving Boruto and his mother alone and when Naruto would come out of his room, he was always so lost in thought that he ignored his family for the most part.
Boruto asked Hinata once what was wrong with his father and he'll never forget the terribly sad look his mother gave him.
"He's just thinkin' about somebody from the past." She said.
Boruto was angry from then on, how can he think about someone else when he has a family right here in front of him? He never told him what Hinata said nor did he ask talk to his father about anything since then, he just grew up being angry with his father.
He walks inside the house and puts his and his wife's suitcases on the bed in the guest room they'll be using while the kids use his old room. He sighs, being here will be stressful, if only he could visit his mother and not his father.
He stares at the bed, his fists clench, he doesn't want to spend his days here watching his old man lost in his past again, that's why he rarely even visits. But, he wants to see his mother so he'll have to put up with it for now.
Everyone was sitting at the dinner table when he walks into the kitchen, everyone except Naruto, of course, while Hinata and Hanamaki prepare some drinks together.
Boruto stares at the seat his father should sitting in, the seat his father should be smiling and laughing with his family in instead of locked up in his prison room.
His anger increases more and more with each thought, every thought on what it should be and what it isn't, every sad face his mother has made because of his father, every single thought only increases his burning rage.
Naruto quickly follows Fugaku to where Sasuke lies on the ground in a pool of his own blood. He is in shock, 'not hopeful'? How can they be so fucking sure when they haven't taken him to the hospital yet?
So, Sasuke will just die?
Naruto feels queasy and lightheaded with that thought, tears threatening to spill over, but he can't let Sasuke see that, he needs support and encouragement, not tears and more thoughts of death. Before Naruto can speak the paramedics carefully load Sasuke on the stretcher and then into the ambulance. Naruto and Fugaku climb in after him and sit to the side, giving the paramedics room to work on Sasuke.
"Hey there, love." Sasuke looks up to Naruto with a loving smile.
A smile Sasuke only reserved for Naruto, the same smile that gives Naruto butterflies every time he sees it, but now those butterflies are followed by pain. He tries to hold back his tears but a few slip past anyway before he hurriedly wipes them away.
"Hey, Sasu." Naruto leans forward and grabs the hand Sasuke extended to him.
A hand covered in blood.
Naruto doesn't hesitate as he grabs his hand, the blood squishing between them. He holds on tightly.
"I'm glad you're here, but I hate that ya have to see this though." Sasuke smiles.
"No, wherever ya are, no matter what is goin' on, I'll always be there, I'll always find ya. I'm just sorry that I wasn't here to protect you this time." He can't stop the tears this time.
Sasuke gives a proud smile, "It's okay. I'm just happy ya love me so much."
"Ya fuckin' know it. I love ya so very much, Sasuke. So so much. Ya gotta get better, so I can continue showin' ya."
Sasuke's smile turns sad, "Yeah, I'll have to make it up to ya when I get better. I was tryin' to be good but things turned out so fuckin' bad."
Tears fall from Sasuke's dark eyes causing fresh tears to fall from Naruto's sky blue eyes.
"You are good, you are so fuckin' good. Don't even think for one damn moment that ya ain't. But yeah, Sasuke, ya totally gotta make it up to me, I won't let ya off easy."
Sasuke lets out a small chuckle, " I would hope not."
A knock on the door startles Naruto for the second time today.
"Honey, breakfast is ready." Hinata doesn't wait for a reply as she walks back down the stairs.
Naruto grunts as he stands up, slowly shuffling his way down the stairs, to his family.
"Don't forget me, alright?" Sasuke gives Naruto a worried look.
"What do ya mean?" Naruto stares back, knowing the answer already but trying not to think about it.
"When I die, don't forget me. I don't wanna be forgotten so easily." Sasuke shakily gets out his reply, a knot in his throat from holding back his tears.
Naruto grimaces, looking away, "Don't fuckin' talk like that."
Sasuke smiles before giving in to his coughing fit, some blood coming up with it. When Sasuke finishes Naruto reaches up, wiping the blood from the side of his mouth.
Sasuke's smile returns, "Thanks...and Naruto, just humor me a bit, would ya?"
Naruto hesitates, hot tears rolling down his face and down his neck before he nods, one hand clenched tight on his thigh, unable to speak.
"I want ya to live a great life, I want ya to get married and have a fuck ton of kids and become a fuckin' happy old man. I just wish I could be there with ya." He closes his eyes, his eyebrows furrowed as tears continue to freely roll down his face.
"Ya know what, actually, forget what I just fuckin' said earlier. Forget me...forget me and live. Be fuckin' happy. I've caused ya too much fuckin' trouble and pain, even now I'm makin' you fuckin' cry. I'm sorry, love, I wish I could spend forever with ya."
Naruto can't hold it back and begins sobbing.
"I could never fuckin' forget ya! How can I be happy without ya? If ya wanna apologize then live and wait till we're old men to fuckin' do it, dammit!" Naruto can't see through his tears as he sobs, Sasuke's face nothing but a blur.
Sasuke squeezes Naruto's hand, "I'll try."
"No, you will live." Naruto quickly wipes his tears, now able to see Sasuke's face again.
"I fuckin' love ya, ya know." Sasuke replies.
"Me too, I love you." Naruto looks at him lovingly.
Fugaku watches the two boys with a sad smile, his own tears coming hot down his face.
The paramedics worked on Sasuke throughout the whole interaction, wanting to desperately save this young boy's life.
"Naruto, will ya kiss me one last time?"
"Naruto?" Hinata gently touches his arm.
Naruto comes back to reality and looks around to see two pairs of worried eyes, two pairs of curious eyes and one pair of angry eyes.
He looks downs at his uneaten food and realizes he had gotten lost in his memories again. Shit.
Boruto clicks his tongue, "What the fuck is wrong with you, old man?"
Naruto looks up when he hears Boruto's angry voice.
"If ya wanna think about someone else, at least have the fuckin' decency to not do it right in front of ma!"
"Boruto! Calm down." Hinata shushes him, rubbing his hand on the table.
"No. Why don't ya just fuckin' leave then? Why stay here if ya don't even care about your damn family? Nobody even wants ya here anymore! Ya ain't a fuckin' daddy and ya ain't a fuckin' husband!"
Boruto suddenly stands up, his anger getting the better of him. Naruto just watches, what can he even say?
Menma and Mona crawl under the table scared.
"Why don't ya leave? Leave ma, so she can finally be happy, leave, so I don't have to see your fuckin' sorry face no more!"
"Boruto!" Hinata warns, "That's enough!"
Boruto looks at his mother and then calms himself down. He looks at his father before clicking his tongue, crossing his arms as he sits back down.
Naruto doesn't speak as he stands up, his chair squealing under the pressure before he turns and begins his slow retreat up the stairs to his room, his prison.
Everyone watches him go without saying another word.
"This won't be our last time. I'll kiss ya everyday until be both die as old me ."
Then he leans forward and presses their lips together and even though he would always get butterflies when they kiss, all he feels now is sadness, pain and regret. He feels a sob working its way up as he beats himself up over not protecting Sasuke this time. He fears that sob will never cease.
Sasuke moves his hand up to Naruto's hair, pulling on it slightly as he leaves a red imprint in his blonde hair as they slowly move their lips over the other's into what could very well be their last kiss forever.
Tears run from both of their eyes as those unspoken words of 'final kiss' hit their breaking hearts.
They break slightly to let their gut wrenching sobs out before kissing each other again, their fingers holding on hard enough to leave bruises.
Naruto runs his hand lightly over Sasuke's face to brush his tears away but more tears continue to fall, Sasuke holds onto his shoulder with one hand and his face with the other, how can this be their last kiss? How can they say goodbye? They were suppose to spend their whole lives together where they spend forever dancing and listening to music, where they spend forever making love and laughing at each other's jokes, spending forever cuddling on the couch while watching a good movie and building a life together. Their long life flashes before them and they know they'll never get to make those dreams come true, their life fading to black right before them as they kiss each other goodbye, where they now spend forever apart.
Naruto strokes Sasuke's face, kissing him over and over, breathing each other in.
"Naruto, I'll really fuckin' miss you."
"Don't say such things, moron."
Sasuke chuckles and then gasps when he feels a sharp pain where his wounds are, blood gushing from them.
"Sasuke? You okay?" Naruto asks worriedly.
Sasuke nods and lays his head back down, "Yeah, I'm okay."
Naruto looks towards the worried paramedics and then back to Sasuke.
"How do ya feel, love?" Naruto strokes his forehead.
"I feel okay, I don't feel too much pain now." Sasuke smiles, "I am a little cold though."
Naruto flinches.
"When will we get to the fuckin' hospital? Is there nothin' else you can do?" Naruto interrogates the paramedics.
They look at each other and then back at Naruto, "The area he was shot at was pretty outta the way from the hospital but we're rushin' as fast as we can and we're tryin' everything we can but his wounds are extensive."
Naruto feels anger bubble up inside of him, "So you're sayin' you can do nothin'? That he'll die?"
They both look down in shame. Naruto clenches his fist.
"It's okay, Naruto." Sasuke tries to reassure him.
"No! It's not fuckin' okay! They are suppose to help ya and you are suppose to fuckin' live and be with me forever, dammit. Why does this have to fuckin' happen?" Naruto chokes through his sobs, "I can't live without ya."
Sasuke reaches up and strokes Naruto's face, "Fuck, you're gonna have to learn, Naruto. I know you'll make it, you're tough. Please, please don't be sad, just be happy and make a great life for yourself, promise me."
"Not without you." His expression pained. Naruto put his hand on top Sasuke's hand on his face.
"You are the strongest person I know, you will have a great life, even with me not there..." Sasuke clenches his eyes shut, "But fuck, I wanna stay with ya so fuckin' bad but I believe in ya and I'm sorry for leavin' ya like this, so promise me, Naruto."
"I promise, Sasuke."
Naruto squeezes his eyes shut as well, tears falling from his eyes, when he feels an arm wrap around his shoulders, he turns to see Fugaku crying beside him. Naruto cries as he wraps his arm around Fugaku in a half hug.
Sasuke starts closing his eyes, his breath getting slower the sleepier he gets.
"Sasuke! Sasuke, ya need to stay awake, love."
"Ah, sorry, I'm just so fuckin' tired."
"That's okay, sweetheart, but ya can't fall asleep right yet." Naruto pulls away from Fugaku and strokes Sasuke's hair.
"Yeah, yeah, I'll try."
Naruto watches him, trying his best to keep him awake, Fugaku leans over to Sasuke and places a kiss to his forehead.
"I love ya, son."
"Hm, love ya too, daddy."
Fugaku also begins to stroke Sasuke's hair gently, his own tears falling harder and harder as he watches his son's life diminish before his eyes, a parent isn't suppose to lose their child first.
"C'mon, love. Please try to stay awake."
But Naruto receives no response.
"Sasuke, c'mon. Stay awake." Naruto encourages, pushing lightly on his face.
Naruto begins to feel worry eating away at him, he looks towards the crying Fugaku who has his eyes closed as fresh tears fall from his eyes and then he looks back to Sasuke.
"Come on, Sasuke. I ain't fuckin' playin'. Please." Naruto shakes him a little harder.
No, he isn't. He can't be...no.
Naruto leans down to listen to his breathing but hears nothing, the noise from the ambulance too loud, so he tries feeling for a heartbeat but nothing. Even the blood has stopped gushing.
Tears fall from his eyes.
"Hey! What happened?" Naruto holds his hand tight, "No no no, you can't be dead. Live! Live, Sasuke!"
The paramedics check for a pulse but his heart has stopped, one starts CPR and they continue it until they get to the hospital. The ambulance pulls in front of the emergency room and nurses and doctors meet them half way out of the back of the ambulance and they rush Sasuke inside and hook him up to machines to check out his heartbeat.
Fugaku and Naruto run in behind them and they both get as close to Sasuke as they can so they don't interfere with the doctors. The machine registers no heartbeat so they shock him and nothing, the senior doctor sticks his hand up and tells everyone to stop.
"Time of death, 21:36." He says, then he looks towards Fugaku and Naruto whom are holding on to each other and shakes his head.
Naruto and Fugaku both begin to sob, Naruto sinks to the ground, his legs no longer able to hold him up as his sobs echo through the hospital, he feels like he can't breathe and his chest hurts so much as if his very heart is breaking to pieces. Fugaku crouches down beside Naruto, his own sobs breaking through Naruto's and he grabs him and they hold onto each other as tightly as they can. Why did Sasuke have to die? Why did he have to lose the only person he loves more than anything? How is he suppose to continue to live? How is he suppose to keep his promise?
Reality itself feels like it's breaking apart and burning to ashes, nothing left to hold it together anymore, nothing left to hold Naruto or Fugaku together anymore. Sasuke's smiling face coming to his mind, flashes of their life together behind his closed eyelids, from Sasuke head-banging in the car and singing, to Naruto and Sasuke dancing together, to making love, to all kisses they've shared, to Sasuke's lifeless body before him now. A vortex of emotions hitting him and he feels like he wants to die too.
When Naruto comes back to reality, he finds his face and shirt soaked with salty tears, fuck.
His memories having taken over again, leaving him a wreck.
Naruto sighs and leans back in his chair, wondering why his life is like this and why he had to survive this long anyway. He grabs the frame right next to him, a picture of him and Sasuke in Sasuke's room when they were still in school, they have their arms wrapped around each other because they were wrestling on the bed, their bodies up against the other while Fugaku sneakily took the picture.
"Sasuke, I'm sorry, but there was no way I could forget ya, love." Naruto strokes the picture next to Sasuke's smiling face.
"I know ya wanted me to be happy, even though you wouldn't be here, but I can't. I told you I can't fuckin' live without ya and while I do exist here on this earth, I'm not livin'."
He sets the picture down and stares at the ceiling, he thinks about what Boruto said and how true his words are. What kind of father and husband is he?
But how can he be a good father and husband when he can't stop missing Sasuke and wishing for death? Is it even worth trying?
Naruto gets up and looks around at the other pictures in his room, most are of Sasuke, but he has some of his other family. He sees Boruto as a kid, smiling and laughing, he sees pictures of his whole family together, but he has none of him with his family.
Has he really ignored his family that much?
Naruto begins to cry for the life he abandoned.
He cries for the family he lost in the past.
And he cries for the family he is losing right now.
It's close to the previous one but I felt like it needed to be rewrote. I hope y'all like it and soon I'll post the other chapters too. I'm working on chapter five but I have no internet so it's difficult. I had to type this on my phone and it took me a couple hours to type and my other chapters are even longer XD
I'm looking forward to posting the new chapters and hearing y'all's review! Thank all y'all for your patience and I hope y'all enjoy and soon I'll also post some new chapters on my other story as well.