"The Coconut King"

One Piece Fanfiction by DYSE. Though disclaimer, she made this, not One Piece. No no. Thank you. Xoxoxox

Chapter 1: A strong swimmer, a quick thinker, and a coconut.

The grass skirt itched.

Nami lounged regally, with a smile no crazy islander could pry apart.

They watched her in worship as she sat up and languishly threw one leg over the other discreetly shifting to scratch her butt. She twirled her foot like a cat making biscuts around the face of one gaping at her and gently pushed up his jaw with the top of her toes.

Let them think shes twitching for a hunt, because coconut goddesses don't worry about bugs in their grass skirt.

Well, coconuts don't usually hunt either. Or get married. Nami looked over at her husband. A straw form covered in shells, bones, and jewels with big red teeth painted on a coconut for a head- The island's revered god and king, Abooboo.

"The grand king Abooba, never mentioned a wife to me-us." The head priest, who wore a crown of tall palm fronds, anxiously clutched his long beard that drooped well past his protruding belly. He was careful to keep his tone open, though suspicious.

AbooBA, AbooBA, she thought to herself, making sure to get it right. She looked at the coconut, it sat, being a coconut, and placed a hand on her heart.

"He didn't believe me alive, but I have been reborn in human form and come to you from the sea." She repeated musically.

The audience oood and gasped - she may have even heard someone crying. She didn't know what delerium made her come up with this one.

The Thousand Sunny had gotten hit abruptly with a tidal wave so large that there was no time for escape and she was channeling that adreneline to keep smiling at a crowd of wild people dressed more in paint than in clothes. Also lots of bones. She rubbed one of the jewels they gave her like holding an old friend's hand.

It had happened so fast, she had been quite good at predicting the Grand Line's notoriously unpredictable weather, but this was mericiless. Half of the crew couldn't even swim. Hell, she only made it out because of Sanji's powerful kicks eventually raised them to the surface and a nearby island. Sanji even had held her and didn't let go till they were both laying on dry sand. It reminded her that she could love that man if he weren't so annoying.

There was no time, no time, no warning, just a hundred foot wall of water above them, and then they were buried deep underwater. It had been blue calm ocean for hundreds of miles, and the magical appearence of an island had seemed like a miracle of mercy until they reached the shore and were met with a bunch of deranged island people who did not welcome outsiders.

"Great praise that you are with us now." The priest turned to the people and called out: "He is pleased!" He's used to speaking for the coconut, Nami realized. "Abooba is pleased!" When the cheers started women weaved throught the crowd and started laying flowers at her feet. The priest clapped and turned back to Nami with his voice still for the crowd: "May we the people of ABOOTA be a blessing to the glorious and mighty hunter gods: his and her majesty, Abooba!"

Abooba from Aboota. Whatever. Something definitely bit her butt.

"Indeed. Do that." She winks at a couple of the woman who dropped gems as well as flowers. "... where is the man who was found with me?"

The priest held equal parks of his beard as if he were holding the straps of a pair of overalls. "Your majesty, outsiders are to be your and his majesty's sacrifices."

Oh geez.

"Not that man, I want him cared for, his leg tended to."

"Your maj..."

" I have many questions for him... about...about how I was released from the sea." She added quickly when he raised an eyebrow about to interject. "He needs to be healthy for me to do that. It is too many questions for him to die."

When they had reached the shore, not even time to finish a cup of tea between the wave and now, Sanji had tossed her onto the sand and collapsed. She stared at the open water in horror desparately looking for someone else to resurface and hadn't noticed the tribe with half coconuts tied to their heads were approaching them with nets. Sanji started yelling still choking out water and exhausted. He leapt up, though wobbly and shoved a couple away only to discover his right leg had been deeply ripped up by coral on the way to shore and was now floopy, bleeding, and useless. He collapsed into the sand long enough to be captured.

Oh Sanji... she knew the coral had there from one tiny scrape on her ankle. Always saving the lady, he had spared her most of it, she registered as a wide red trail appeared under him as he was pulled up. It took most of the men in the group to restrain even a bleeding and exhausted Blackfoot, Sanji. A few others watched in shock and then turned around and approached her with another net.

Fast on her feet, she ripped off her wet shirt, flipped her hair and requested to be brought to the leader with what she hoped was her most gorgeous smile. It had worked, they didn't tie her up, but firmly took her by both arms while the large group clumsily dragged a growling Sanji another direction. A net meant they weren't killing him immediately, but he was hurt and she had to think fast.

Her chest hurt. Her hands were shaking, but the idea of claiming to be the leader's queen came to her after she saw "him". Incredible luck, that the wild people they encountered were the kind of backassward who worshiped a painted fruit.

A couple of women started to comb her sea tumbled hair and dressed her in their traditional garb as the head priest was called.

Thus how she currently sat on a rock throne in a straw skirt, with many necklaces of bones, shells, and jewels and a half coconut tied to her head. Coconuts are too small to actually wear like a hat, so they were just balanced on top of their heads and secured with a little rope. Hers was decorated with flowers- For importance. She tried to look delighted while scratching where the rope itched her throat.

"Of course, your majesty, any thing else you would require?"

"Be on the look out for others, he might not have been alone, send out boats, bring any you find back to this island." Nami turned to a few of them close to her. "Now." She directed them quietly and they nodded and hurried off.

She had low hope for her friends, though, the burning in her chest during the race to the surface made sure of that. She had barely made it, survivial had been actually been a surprise.

She knew her heart had lasted longer than her breath.

Afterwards, it was that sheer fight of life in her that puppeted her into this tribe's goddess. That act was like a glove that always fit. To smile and flirt through the danger. It was also an excuse to act calm. A break for her aching lungs because mystical queens from the sea don't need to scream.

Drowning is a cruel fate, because, your mind is aware of what you will lose to death, with no escape. Nami was lucky she did have an excuse not to break down just yet. Her whole life and friends were gone just a moment before. Minutes.

Maybe Zoro was a strong enough swimmer? Franky had some water jet up his ass? Usopp was more doubtful, but at least he could move in the water. On topic, why the fuck do you live on the sea if you can't swim? Just a question for the rest of the wonderful dumbasses she loved and knew was lost. Don't cry. Focus.

"Yes, we must be dilligent. Many outsiders seek our treasures to Abooba. And it was a ship... a pirate ship." He clairfied, looking at her. "There most definitely was a crew, your majesty. If the sea does not claim them we will send every boat to find them."

Ah. He knew. She stopped fiddling with the rope holding her coconut crown on to slowly set both hands on her knee.

He looked at her with a smile. So he had seen it, them get washed away. Was he asking her if she was a mystical coconut queen arisen from the sea... or pirate? She wondered why he bothered let the others believe her. "Abooba is most pleased with you." He whispered likely predicting her thoughts. His nostrals flared as he looked between her and Abooba, king mighty coconut thing. Whether you like it or not, huh? She mused inwardly. Someone at the mercy of his own imagination is odd, but not the biggest news of the last hour.

Still, she would have to get him out of the way somehow. Slowly batted her eyes as if saying: I can catch whatever you throw. "I will need all of them. " Nami annouced loudly, standing. "I wish to know how they awoke me. I was not human, but a few moments ago. Find them! Bring them to me, safely. ." She clapped her hands and the group moved. The priest looked surprised they moved when he didn't end the gathering, but shes redirected his attention by holding one up of the necklaces that had jewels, jiggling it.

"Also, more of these? I need these too." Big smile. Hi, Pirate.

Fanfiction is so fun, its been years. Also, this is a comedy, don't worry. This the most serious chapter you can expect from this whole story. I am anti writing angst if I can help it, lol.

Thanks for reading! Chapter two: Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner Coconuts