Stephanie sat waiting in her car outside in the school parking lot. She impatiently drummed her fingers on the steering wheel, not sure on what else to do.
Oh, come on! What's taking her so long?
The buses and other cars were already driving off, happy to get out. It was a beautiful spring day, and she was stuck here waiting for Gia, who said that she had to grab something out of her locker "real quick" right before Stephanie was about to leave.
So she waited out there, letting the deliciously warm May wind blow through the open window onto her face. When she was beginning to reconsider her decision of waiting, she finally spotted Gia coming out of the building, walking at a leisurely pace as if she had no reason to rush.
"Took you long enough!" Stephanie called out, making sure she knew exactly the inconvenience at hand.
One of Gia's signature smiles went on her face. A long time ago it would have meant ridicule and trouble, but now that smile was especially saved for Stephanie, the kind that made her glad to know that they were so close. It didn't matter that they were in their senior year of high school, their friendship was as strong as ever.
"Very funny. You know I was actually running to get to my locker, to make sure you didn't pull off and leave me here. It's not my fault it's at the back of the school." Gia came to the passenger door and opened it, shoving her book bag in the back and sliding in.
"Yeah okay, but remember next time I will leave you here if you pull something like that again."
Gia just laughed at that. Of course, Stephanie was just joking, and they both knew it. She didn't really think that she could get mad at her, especially at something so silly. Stephanie just liked over-exaggerating, and Gia was as always receptive to her ways.
As the two cruised along to Gia's house, as planned before at lunch; a pop tune playing in the background, Stephanie couldn't be any happier than she was right then, her best friend at her side singing along with her.
~~
The door slammed behind them as they came inside Gia's house. Stephanie put her bookbag down near the door, mirroring her friend, and together the girls beelined to the bedroom. She plopped down on Gia's bed as soon as she saw it, relishing in the rest that the blue comforter brought.
"God, I think if I have to sit through another one of Mr. Handon's lessons about history I'm going to die. Or maybe sleep," Stephanie said, closing her eyes and letting the soft mattress do its work.
A laugh came across the room from Gia, who said, "Steph, you're such a drama queen. I hate to break it to you, but no one has ever died from a history lesson, not even me. And that's saying a lot."
Stephanie ignored her comment, deciding a nap was the best thing she could do. After a moment, she felt the mattress bend from weight and opened her eyes to see Gia climbing onto the bed, staring at her.
"Care to join me?" Stephanie teased, closing her eyes again as Gia settled beside her.
"This is my bed, you know, and you should ask for permission to be able to sleep on it."
"Says who? Besides, this is payback for making me wait so damn long for you. I think it's best that you just settle down and let me do what I want."
Stephanie couldn't help but feel good about that comment, the sass in it making her grin. She was expecting a funny reply or laugh in return, anything really than what would happen next, but Gia was always full of surprises.
Her friend shifted around suddenly, and before Stephanie could ask what she was doing, she felt a breath on her face. She opened her eyes to see Gia propped up on her elbow next to her, gazing down, a smirk on her face, her hair falling over Stephanie like a thick brown curtain.
"Settle down?' She mused, repeating Stephanie's words from before, but the way that she said it made the other girl gulp. "How can I when you've got me so worked up?" She leaned in closer, letting her breath tickle Stephanie's cheek.
Stephanie felt unsure of what to say. The look in Gia's eyes was something that she couldn't pinpoint, never having seen it before.
"What do you mean?" She whispered, feeling shy as her friend looked down at her. "How have I got you worked up?"
Gia smiled softly at her words, lightly tucking a strand of Stephanie's long blonde hair behind her ear, making the girl shiver at the touch. "You're too sweet."
Stephanie dared to ask again.
"You're still not answering my question."
The voluptuous mood stilled then and Gia sat up on her haunches suddenly, still staring down at Stephanie, but the deep look from her eyes before was gone now.
She slowly shook her head and said, "Nothing…I was just teasing you. Let's just take a nap now."
She quickly laid down beside her friend, shifting and nuzzling into her to get comfortable.
Worry crept up into Stephanie. What if I said something that hurt her feelings?
"Why? Was it what I said?" She asked, turning to meet Gia's eyes, who shifted uncomfortably under her gaze.
"No…don't worry about it. I was just joking."
Stephanie still felt unconvinced, wondering what to do next. Truth be told, even though she didn't understand what exactly Gia was talking about, she still enjoyed the feeling that came from the pit of her stomach when she heard what her friend had said.
"Gia," Stephanie coaxed, nudging her with her shoulder. "Come on, don't get all shy now. I didn't mind what you were saying, I just…didn't know what exactly you meant," she got up on her elbows, trying to plead with her, "Just tell me."
Gia gave a huff and sat up off the bed. "Steph, it was nothing, I was just joking," but she stopped suddenly, catching her breath as sunlight shined onto Stephanie, making her hair practically glow golden. "It's just your hair," She whispered, reaching out to stroke it, "It's really pretty."
"Oh," Stephanie wasn't really sure how to respond to the sudden compliment. "Thank you," She said and smiled, continuing on in a nervous jabber, "Of course, I'm not really surprised. Anyone with half a brain would get caught up with my beauty." She flipped her hair off her shoulder haughtily and looked up to her friend to see what she would say next, but Gia only looked at her. When she didn't get a response, she finally said, "And I think you are too," A smile toyed at her lips then, and she couldn't help but feel giddy.
Unfortunately, her attempts to lighten the atmosphere were fruitless. Gia didn't say anything and instead looked down at the girl beneath her. Stephanie was still propped up on her elbows, but also reclined on the bed, her head tilted back up to look at Gia, blonde hair splaying out around her in a halo. Her lips were parted slightly, and that drove Gia mad.
"What?" Gia spoke at last, forgetting what her friend was talking about.
"I think you're caught up with my beauty."
Stephanie regretted the words as soon as they left her mouth. The thought of making Gia more upset than she already was was not a good one. A rare moment happened then. Stephanie was at a loss for words. She had no idea how to rectify the situation, and instead could only give a nervous little laugh, praying that she wasn't being a total idiot.
Luckily, her words had the opposite effect.
"I think you're right, Steph," Gia started, hesitating for a moment. But the girl splayed out before her was too much to bear, and so she continued on without caution. "No…I know you're right. I am caught up with you."
Stephanie felt her face flush as she heard her friend speak.
"When I saw you laying on my bed," Gia continued, "The only thing I could think about then was how nice you looked, and how much nicer you would look if you were beneath me," Gia's whisper was raspy with desire, her eyes yet again warm with that look from before. "And now that I'm here with you looking up at me like that, I don't know what to do."
Stephanie was once again at a loss at what to say. She had a small nagging thought in the back of her head, telling her what this meant, but something else within her kept it at bay, an unnameable inkling of a thought that left her confused on Gia's meaning. The only thing she could listen to now was her heart.
"And what do you want to do now that you have me underneath you?" She asked, another smile toying at her lips. She felt surprised, never before having considered herself teasing, at least, not in this situation.
"Oh, Steph," Gia whispered, and she leaned in to press her lips against Stephanie's.
Oh, Steph. The way that Gia had said it, her voice so raw, made a lump form in Stephanie's throat. She never knew that someone could say her name in such an intimate way, and now that she did know this fact, she wasn't sure that she could ever hear those words the same again.
Stephanie felt her eyebrows go up in shock as she felt the soft lips of her friend. Her lips didn't move at first, something within her telling her to stop. In her head, she heard a little voice that said Girls don't kiss other girls. Despite that, she leaned into it, letting the warmth of it go through her. The kiss wasn't very long, but it made her elbows go wobbly, tiring from holding herself up.
When Gia pulled back, Stephanie was flat on her back now, panting softly. Gia looked concerned, but from what Stephanie couldn't tell. She was still riding on the high from the kiss. Sure, she had kissed guys before, but never had it felt like this before, so nice…
Gia's voice interrupted her thoughts, saying, "Steph?"
"Yeah," She replied, feeling a bit embarrassed at how breathy her voice sounded.
"Was that okay?" Gia asked, and Stephanie finally understood the concerned look from her. Maybe she was thinking about how girls shouldn't kiss each other as well.
"Yeah," she said again, blushing at her lack of vocabulary.
Gia nodded and then leaned in. "Do you want to do it again?"
The question didn't seem to reach the part of her brain that thought about consequences. Instead, she just thought about how nice it had felt to have her friend pressed so close, and how much nicer it would be if it would happen again, and so she nodded her head. And when Gia's lips were back on hers, more urgent this time, she sighed into them, letting her worries dissolve, just for the moment. That feeling that Stephanie craved so much then, the feeling of Gia's body pressed close, was not being fulfilled. Not when Gia was on top of her and in control of the distance between the two. Stephanie put a hand on Gia's cheek, wanting to anchor the girl closer, and Gia pulled back.
"Do you want to stop?" She asked, panting softly.
Stephanie's heart fluttered when she saw Gia's face. She looks so worried.
"Hey, it's okay. I just wanted to get closer," Stephanie said, noticing how tense her friend was.
Gia gave a little laugh, but she didn't seem very relieved. "I'm sorry, Steph. I just keep getting scared that you're gonna regret this or want to stop. I just…I just don't want you to hate me."
Stephanie felt her body go cold at that. "Hate you? Gia, why would I hate you over this?"
The girl sat up, and Stephanie did the same, facing her. "Why wouldn't you? This isn't…" Gia paused, hesitating. "Normal friends don't do this, Steph. Only lesbians do this." She said softly.
Stephanie jolted at the word. It was the unspeakable it that she never heard at home. It seemed that nobody respectable talked about it, certainly not in her cookie-cutter family with DJ dating boys. She had heard the words lezzy and dyke at school before, which she assumed meant the same thing. But they were meant as insults, for nasty women who did nasty things with each other.
Was I nasty?
"Steph," Gia whispered. "Are you alright?" She reached for Stephanie's hand, squeezed it.
"Are you a lesbian?" Stephanie asked suddenly. It seemed urgent then for her to see what Gia said.
Gia's eyebrows went up in surprise at the question, but after a moment she spoke, "I don't know? I like guys…" she paused, thinking of what to say, then continued, "I like being with them and kissing them, but Steph, honestly I haven't really thought much about guys at all since I've been thinking about you. Do you know what I mean? It's just confusing," Gia faltered for a moment, then she shrugged and concluded, "I think I just like who I like? Maybe that makes me a lesbian, maybe it doesn't, I don't know. But I do know that I like you, Steph, I like you a lot."
Gia's uncertainty made Stephanie feel a lot better, and knowing that she liked her…it made her feel woozy inside.
Sure, she had some guys say things along the lines of that before, but it felt unreal coming from her best friend. Stephanie thought back to the times that she had kissed boys before. Specifically, she remembered that time when she had been to that make-out party that Gia had thrown, how awkward the kiss between her and the guy was. But it wasn't just that it was awkward, it was that she hadn't really felt a spark or anything when they did it, you know, what happens in the movies or with anyone else who's kissed a guy before.
"I think I understand you, but I don't know if I ever really liked kissing guys that much. I did it to really just fit in." The reality of her words made Stephanie feel ashamed. She really was a lesbian. Imagine if dad found out. What would he think of me?
Gia seemed to notice her change in mood, and asked, "Hey, are you alright?"
Was I alright? "Not really," Stephanie concluded.
"Steph," Gia interjected, realizing what she meant. "There's nothing wrong with being a lesbian."
Stephanie huffed. "Well, it's kinda hard not to feel that way when all your life people talk bad about it. Just think of all the things you've heard about lesbians, or gays. Nothing good, right? And now I'm gonna be lumped up with them!"
"Steph," Gia said softly, taking both her hands and leaning in, "There's no them. It's just bad things that Bible thumpers say to make everyone hate them…us. All those things we hear are not true. You're- let me ask you this. Are you a bad person?"
Stephanie hesitated, not sure how to answer her. "No…"
"Exactly, and you being a lesbian doesn't change that. See?"
"Saying it is one thing, but believing it, Gia, is another thing entirely."
One of her signature smiles went on her face, and she leaned in closer until her nose was almost touching Stephanie's. "Oh, don't worry. I'll help you." Her voice was husky now, and it made Stephanie shiver.
She smiled and said, "I assume that involves kissing me?" When Stephanie saw Gia's face, she laughed and said, "Gia! How do you think this will help me?"
"The more you immerse yourself, the more you accept it," Gia said, sounding like some expert.
"Are you sure there's not some underlying reason for this suggestion?" Stephanie teased.
"Nope," Gia looked unashamed as she admitted it, "I have lots of underlying reasons for this, Steph. The only question is if that's what you want me to do."
Stephanie nodded, liking where this was going.
"Say it."
"Say what?"
"Say you want me to kiss you."
Stephanie gulped and said after a second, "I want you to kiss me," And more. Stephanie thought about adding that, but closed her mouth at the last second instead.
Unfortunately, Gia noticed that. "What aren't you saying?"
"Do you have to be such a mind reader?" Stephanie groaned, annoyed. But she saw that Gia wasn't budging, and then, after much thinking over, said, "I-I want more than kissing, actually."
"Like what?" Gia's hands let go of Stephanie's, and she let them go to her waist, pulling her closer.
The little semblance of confidence that Stephanie had left faltered as she felt the girl's hands. "I don't know…"
Gia grinned at the lackluster response.
"How would you feel right now if I took my hands down…" and she did as she said, slowly moving her hands from Stephanie's waist to the hem of her blue top, "Here, and took your shirt off? Would you like me to do that, or would you slap me in my face and storm out?"
Stephanie nervously laughed. She thought for a second, feeling bold, and said "I would tell you that it's okay, that you can do it."
Gia looked to Stephanie for confirmation, and when the other girl responded with a nod, she slowly took her shirt off, neatly putting it on a chair nearby.
Stephanie resisted the urge to cross her arms over her torso, and instead let Gia stare at her. When the girls' eyes met, they smiled.
"Now…" Gia continued with newfound confidence, straightening up her posture, "What would you think if I put my hands on you, would you like that?"
"Where would you put them?" Stephanie asked nervously.
"First I would put them on your waist," and then she looked to Stephanie again, and when the girl nodded she put them there. Stephanie gave a small gasp at the contact of Gia's hands on her bare skin. "And I would move them up your stomach, all the way up right under your bra, and then I would wait to see what you thought about going further up."
Stephanie really liked where this was going. "I would like that." She said, her voice hoarse.
Gia did as she said, moving her hands up the soft skin of Stephanie's stomach to right under her bra, her fingertips touching the fabric of the underband. The heat that was in her stomach moved lower, and Stephanie squeezed her thighs together to ease it. She began to tremble all over as Gia's soft hands did as was told, not just a shiver, but whole body shakes. She felt embarrassed as Gia looked to her with concerned eyes.
"Are you okay?" Gia's voice wasn't mocking, and that made Stephanie feel less ashamed.
She didn't trust herself to answer with words, however, and nodded instead.
Gia looked down at Stephanie's lap and looked back up with a grin. Stephanie felt confused until she realized that Gia had seen how tight she was squeezing her thighs together. She leaned in up close to her ear and said, "You're turned on now, aren't you?"
Stephanie felt her eyes go wide. Never in all her life did she have someone say that to her. Her eyes met Gia's and the girl's face was flushed, her breathing shallow. Stephanie knew then that Gia was as into it as she was. "Yes," Stephanie gasped, and when Gia moved her hands over her bra she actually whined.
Gia moved her head so that her lips were right near Stephanie's. "Do you know what I would do now?"
Stephanie felt once again confused, the fog of arousal clouding her memory. "What?"
"I would ask you whether or not I could take your bra off."
A laugh came from Stephanie's lips, remembering the game that they were playing. But then her good mood stilled as she realized the situation. What am I doing?
Stephanie wondered for a moment what it would be like if she let Gia take her bra off, or all her clothes for that matter, and let her…let her do what? That's when Stephanie realized that she didn't even know how lesbians had sex. She didn't really know anything, it seemed. How could she let this happen?
"Steph?" Gia said, interrupting her thoughts.
"Yeah?" Stephanie answered nonchalantly, trying to play off her nerves.
"Are you up for this?"
Stephanie looked to Gia, praying that there wouldn't be hope on her face, or something along the same lines. She felt relieved when she saw that Gia only looked troubled. Stephanie would have felt worse if she had to turn Gia down when she was obviously hoping for things to continue.
"I…I don't think so." As the words left her mouth, she felt like the world's biggest loser. Stephanie watched as Gia's face went from troubled to shocked, then to tender.
"It's just," Stephanie started suddenly, determined for some reason to defend herself, "I just found out that…" I'm a lesbian "It's just too much too soon. Can we just…hang out for now?" Stephanie's voice faltered as she realized how much of a dork she sounded like. Hang out? Gia was just asking you if she could take your bra off and now you just want to hang out? What a pathetic dweeb you are.
If Stephanie could have taken back her words then, she would have. Instead, all she could do was bite her lip in trepidation as she waited for Gia to speak.
Remarkably, Gia seemed calm as she carefully took her hands off of Stephanie's body. Stephanie unconsciously crossed her arms over herself, which made her feel even more dorkish. Stephanie watched as Gia climbed off the bed and walked to the chair with Stephanie's shirt on it, grabbing it and handing it to her, who quickly pulled it on over her head.
"Do you want to watch a movie instead?"
Stephanie looked up at Gia, who was standing there waiting for an answer.
"You're not…upset with me?" Stephanie asked, hating how much of a child she sounded like then.
"What?" Gia exclaimed, her expression a shocked one. "Why would I be upset with you?"
"Well…it's just that I led you on with everything…"
"Steph," Gia said, coming to sit back down besides her on the bed, wrapping an arm around her shoulder. "You didn't lead me on, if anything I did. I was the one that was flirting with you and everything." Then she leaned in closer, making Stephanie's heart beat a bit faster, saying, "I don't want to make you feel rushed into doing things that you're not ready for yet. Trust me, I know how bad that feels…" Gia trailed off, letting Stephanie fill in the blanks. After a moment she shrugged, as if she was doing the same to the memories, and continued, "Which is exactly why I don't want you to feel like you owe me anything, because you don't, Stephanie. I don't mind going as slow," then she added with a devilish grin, "Or as fast, as you like."
"But what about you? What do you want?" Stephanie asked, desperate for some reason to prove herself wrong.
Gia laughed softly and shook her head. "I want you to be happy Stephanie, and if you don't want to do this right now we don't have to."
The words settled into Stephanie's psyche, and she slowly absorbed the meaning of them.
"Now," Gia continued, finalizing the moment from before, "Do you want to watch a movie?"
Stephanie felt a grin come on her face. "Yeah, what do you got?"
So as Gia got up to browse through the shelf of VHS tapes, Stephanie sat there, happy with the newfound knowledge that she had; she didn't need to be worried about doing the wrong thing or having to do something that she was against, at least, not with Gia.
After minutes of deep consideration, the girls decided that Clueless was the best option. As Gia sat down besides Stephanie, cozying into her side, an idea came to Stephanie.
"Remember how you said that you wanted me to be happy, Gia?"
Gia turned to the girl, looking interested. "Yeah, why?"
"Well…" Stephanie started, trying to control a grin from coming on her face, "I would be very happy if we could kiss right now."
Gia nodded, one of her signature smiles coming onto her face. "And I," she started, leaning in and moving a lock of Stephanie's blonde hair away from her face, "Would love to."
As Gia's soft lips came into contact with Stephanie's, she couldn't help but think:
Maybe being a lesbian isn't all that bad…