THE GREATEST BEANO AND DANDY CROSSOVER OF ALL TIME!
CHAPTER ONE
One night, Dennis The Menace, his friends Curly and Pie-Face, Minnie The Minx, Roger The Dodger, The Bash Street Kids and Ivy The Terrible were coming back home after a terrible prank that they had all teamed up together to play a prank on their rivals from Dandy Town.
It was a football match at Beanotown Stadium, Ball Boy and his team VS the Dandytown Rovers. The prank involved swapping the real balls with balloons filled up custard, gunge and paint (Ivy and Minnie had filled them up- Minnie admired the troublesome 5 year old's reputation and decided to make her an apprentice for the night) and the balloons were painted to look like footballs (The Bash Street Kids painted all the balloons).
Whilst the match was on, the kids sneaked into the Dandytown Rovers' changing room and put itching powder in all their clothes. The job was faster with more people.
The second half of the match featured all of the Rovers scratching like crazy and kicking balls that exploded into messy gunk.
Roger was in charge (and in disguise) as the man who threw the balls to the players. If it were Beanotown, he would throw a regular ball. For Dandytown, it would be a fake one.
And as for who ate all the pies, well, the answer was Fatty and Pie-Face. No surprise there.
At the end of the match, the distracted Rovers were defeated. The score was 20-1. The Rovers were arguing with the referee who was not sure of what was going on.
All the Beano pranksters all went home after a job well done. They all agreed to team up together to perform another prank some day. Probably on Dandy Town again.
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Dennis went home expecting to have gotten away with murder. Until he noticed that a police car was outside his house. There were two policemen talking to Dennis' mum and dad at the front door. Dad had a really angry look on his face.
"Oh well," sighed Dennis. "Guess I'll have to take the blame like a man."
He went up to his mum and dad. As they looked at him, Dennis noticed that they appeared to be more upset and angrier than usual.
"Dennis, how could you perform a robbery?" asked Mum.
Dennis was puzzled.
"Robbery?" he asked.
"Yes, Beanotown jewellery has been broken into," said one of the policemen. "We found this."
The other policeman held up a piece of Dennis' jumper.
"It smells of B.O.," he said. "We brought it back to the lab and it appears to be your B.O."
Dennis couldn't believe it.
"But I was never at the jewellery," he explained.
"Then where did you and the other children go?" asked Dad.
"Because we found other pieces of evidence," said the first policeman. "A piece of Minnie's bobble, a button from Ivy's overalls, a crisp that Fatty was eating, a spot from Spotty, frozen peas that had the rest of the Bash Street Kids' spit on them, a pie that Pie-Face was eating, a piece of Curly's hair, a piece of Roger's jumper, a tooth from Calamity James and a massive hole on the Jewellery window shaped like Billy Whizz."
"You're coming with us, Dennis," said the second policeman as put handcuffs on the troublemaker.
Then they grabbed Dennis by the arms and dragged him to their car. Dennis protested.
"NO! NO! NO! MUM! DAD!"
Dennis looked at him mum and dad who just stood at the door and just looked at him. Heartbroken. They then went back into the house and closed the door.
Dennis' heart sank as the policeman put him into the car and closed the door. The car drove off to Beanotown Police Station.
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When Dennis was brought inside, he saw that Minnie, Curly, Pie-Face, Ivy, Roger, Calamity James, Billy Whizz and The Bash Street Kids were all sitting on a bench. They all had handcuffs on and looked very confused and sad. Except for Smiffy of course.
Ivy was in tears. Minnie comforted her by wrapping her arms around her.
One by one, all of the kids were interrogated. The police didn't believe any one of them.
At the end of the final interrogation, the Chief stood in front of all the kids and said "You're all going to The Beanotown Home for Really, Really, Really, Really, Reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Reeeeally Troublesome Kids tomorrow."
The kids couldn't believe it.
"Don't we all deserve a fair trial?," asked Danny.
"Kids, you don't deserve a trail," answered the Chief. "You have all caused so much trouble over the years and have been warned many times. It's time you all learned your lesson once and for all. I'm sorry."
"How long are we going to stay there?" asked Billy.
The Chief looked at them.
"For a very, very, very long time."
All the kids sat there in despair. Ivy burst into tears. Minnie held her.
"Chief, let Ivy go. She's only 5," said Minnie.
"I'm sorry," said the Chief. "But there's nothing I can do."
Ivy buried her head into Minnie's chest and cried harder.
"Chief, could you organize it for Ivy and me to share a cell?" asked Minnie.
"I think I can do that," said The Chief.
"My mum and dad….. I'LL NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN!" bawled Ivy.
Everyone else felt teary too. They felt sorry for this poor 5 year old girl.
Later that night, all the kids were taken home.
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When Dennis got home, he desperately tried to explain to his parents that he and the other kids were innocent. But his parents weren't buying it.
"Dennis, nothing you can do is going to prove you and the other children are innocent," said Dad.
"But Dad…." protested Dennis.
That was it! His father had enough.
"DENNIS! I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT!" he bellowed. His voice was so loud that the whole country could hear him.
"YOU HAVE CAUSED NOTHING BUT TROUBLE ALL YOUR LIFE! IT'S ALWAYS 'OH, I DIDN'T DO IT' AND 'IT WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN'! WELL, I HAVE HAD IT UP TO HERE WITH YOU, DENNIS! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! THE ONLY THING YOU'RE GOOD AT IS DOING THINGS WRONG! THAT'S IT! YOU ARE GOING TO THAT HOME AND THAT'S FINAL! NOW GO TO YOUR ROOM!"
Dennis stood there shaking. He had never seen his dad this angry before. He felt that this was it. This was the final straw. His father didn't like him anymore.
Dennis then slowly walked up the stairs and to his room. He then laid on the bed. Hurt.
Hopeless. Sad. Never in his life had he felt pain like this. Gnasher entered the room. He wandered over to the bed and looked up at his spiky haired owner. Dennis lifted him up and held onto him for comfort. Gnasher rubbed his face onto Dennis' for sympathy.
With his voice breaking, he said to his trusty dog "Dad doesn't love me anymore, Gnasher."
Then he started to cry. Never had he cried so much in his life before.
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The next morning all the kids had to go down to the Bus Station and got picked up by a rather unpleasant looking bus.
Over an hour later, the bus then took them to a rather more unpleasant looking prison like place. It was The Beanotown Home For Really, Really, Really, Really, Reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally Troublesome Kids.
This was it. This was their doom.
All the kids got off the bus and went inside the nightmarish building. It was very gloomy, dusty, and not very child friendly.
All the kids had to confiscate their belongings. Fatty had to empty his pockets of endless sweets which took over 2 hours.
Strangely, Smiffy had a chandelier with him. Hmm…..
Afterwards, they all had to get into their dull grey jumpsuits. Then each of them were brought to their incredibly small cells. They all had to share. Ivy was lucky enough to share with Minnie and Toots. Dennis shared his with Curly and Pie-Face.
Erbert and Winfred sharing with Fatty, oh boy. The fat blighter was squashing his mates.
"This cell is bigger than it looks," said Erbert.
Winfred looked at him and rolled his eyes.
"We may be suffering, but at least we'll suffer together," said Curly to his mates.
Then the warden came in. Roger immediately was white with horror as he saw who it was.
It was his arch nemesis Cruncher The Bully.
He marched up and down the small corridor which had all the cells on each side. He stared at all the kids evilly.
"Ello, girls," he greeted. "I'm goin' to make your lives a livin' nightmare. Especially you!"
He pointed at the sweating and shaking Roger.
"You and I are going to 'ave so much fun," cackled Cruncher.
"Of course we are," said Roger.
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The next two days were complete misery for all the kids. Under the supervision of Cruncher, they had endure peeling spuds, sewing (which Smiffy was surprisingly an expert on, but the girls were not and Calamity James just sewed his work onto his fingers), digging (for nothing, it was just Cruncher being a smart alec) and running in the rain (Billy Whizz had to wear shackles connected to chains and balls to stop him from trying to escape).
As the prisoners did these activities, Cruncher taunted them and called them names just like the bully he was. The other guards joined in the bullying. They taunted, laughed, and tripped up the kids as they did the activities.
But the one thing that was worse in this "home for children" was the food. If The Bash Street Kids thought Olive's cooking was bad, it was delicious compared to the gruel they had to eat.
This was the worst part for Fatty. We all know he likes his grub. And Pie-Face, I don't need to tell you what was the one thing he wanted more than anything in the world right now!
The lack of grub and pies were making Fatty and Smiffy go absolutely insane. When they were brought out to the playground, Fatty and Smiffy grabbed huge chunks of mud and started to make things out of them.
Fatty made him a mud sculpture of a plate of egg, chips and beans and Pie-Face made himself mud sculptures of pies. They even ate their muddy food which caused everyone else to retch.
"It just like eating the real thing," sighed Pie-Face with delight.
Smiffy managed to grab himself a huge chunk of mud too. He made a mud sculpture alright. He made the Michaelangelo's David. It was very uncanny.
Roger meanwhile had endure beatings from Cruncher. His face was covered with black eyes and bruises.
All the kids' parents were at home missing their children deeply. Yes, they were troublemakers, but they still loved them.
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At Dennis' house, Gnasher was missing Dennis deeply. He laid on the grass staring up into the night sky. He sighed sadly. Gnipper came up to him. He had something to show him. He took Gnasher to Rasher's pen. Rasher had one of Dennis' jumpers on. Then Gnipper jumped on top of Rasher's head. He then sunk his own head and limbs into his fur so that his body looked like Dennis' hair. Gnasher looked at Gnipper and Rasher and just smiled. It was like looking at the real thing.
That second night, all the kids sat in their cells in despair.
The one who had it the hardest was Ivy. Being the youngest. Minnie held on to her as she cried.
"I want my mummy and daddy," she bawled. "I don't want any toys! I just want my mummy and daddy!"
"So, do I," said Minnie with tears in her eyes.
All of the other prisoners had tears in their eyes too. They felt nothing but sorrow for poor Ivy.
Roger wiped his eyes and stuck his head through the bars of his cell.
"Aren't you going to ask me if I have got a dodge to get us out of here?" he asked.
"Roger, how are we going to get out of this place?" asked Sidney.
"And if we do get out, where are we going to go?" asked Danny.
"How about Dundee in Scotland? I heard it's lovely," suggested Smiffy.
Everyone all muttered in agreement.
"No, it's too far," said Roger. "We have to find the real culprit behind this crime. But who can help us?"
Everyone all sat there and thought for a long time. Until Minnie answered…..
"You guys are going to hate me for saying this, but….. I have a penpal who can help us."
"Where is this pen pal?" asked Fatty.
Minnie sucked in her teeth and just said the forbidden word:
"Dandy Town."
"WHAT!" cried the other kids.
"They would eat us alive if we went there and asked for their help, after what we did to them," said Plug.
"Don't talk about eating," moaned Fatty. "I'm so hungry."
"Look, we've got no choice," said Minnie. "If you haven't got any friends to help you, you might as well get your enemies to help."
"What's the difference?" asked Smiffy.
All of the prisoners looked at each other and finally came to a decision.
"I'm in," said Dennis.
"Me too," said Roger.
"Me five," said Smiffy.
"And me," cried the other kids.
"So Roger, do you have a Jammy?" asked Curly.
The other kids looked at him confused.
"You know, Jammy Dodger?" said Curly.
The other kids said "Oh" as they got it.
NOTE: For those who don't live in the UK, Jammy Dodger is a cookie.
"Oh, Jammy Dodger," moaned Fatty with desire.
"Of course," said Roger. "There's always a dodge left in the old Rodge."
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The next morning, Dennis's parents had a visitor. The front door burst through and it was Granny on the motorbike.
"Kids!" she called out to Mum and Dad.
They came running into the lounge. Dad was disgusted. But then is he never?
"Granny! The door!" he cried in disgust.
"I'm going to prove that my grandson and those other kiddies are innocent!" boasted Granny.
"Granny! Dennis and those other children are guilty," said Dad.
"Your son may be a menace, but a criminal mastermind, he is not!" announced Granny.
"Gnasher! Gnipper! Rasher!"
The three pets all ran into the lounge.
"Do you boys want to prove that your best friend is innocent?" Granny asked the pets.
"Ganesh!" said Gnasher and Gnipper.
"Oink!" said Rasher.
"To the scene of the crime!" cried Granny.
The three pets jumped on to the side-car that was attached to the motorbike and Granny drove out of the house and hit the road.
The lounge was covered in tyre tracks, doggy foot prints and hoof prints. Dad groaned.
"And after I just cleaned here," said Mum looking a tad disappointed.
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Granny and company arrived at the scene of the crime. The building had yellow tape at the front of it saying "Do not cross."
"Alright my trusty bloodhounds, sniff for clues," said Granny.
Gnasher, Gnipper and Rasher jumped out of the side car and began sniffing for clues. After a minute, Rasher found something. The others walked over to him. Rasher had found a thorn from a cactus. Granny picked it up and looked at it.
"Good work, Rasher," she said. "This looks like it's from a cactus. Can you boys smell this to find out where this is from?"
The three pets sniffed the thorn, but couldn't figure where it came from. They looked at Granny and shook their heads.
"Gnope," said Gnasher.
"Gnip," said Gnipper.
"Oink," said Rasher.
"Looks like we'll have to go to the Wild West to find more evidence," said Granny.
So Granny, Gnasher, Gnipper and Rasher all got back on the motorbike and headed for the Wild West.
The Wild West district in Beanotown.
Not that they had to go to America.
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Granny drove the motorbike into the desert and looked for anyone who could help her and Dennis' pets. She then spotted Hank's store and thought the owner would give her advice.
When she parked the bike, she got off and went to the store. She then spotted 3 animals that were hiding behind it. She went behind the store and saw it was none other than The 3 Bears.
The 3 Bears looked at Granny and shushed her.
"We're gonna rob Hank's store," said Pa.
"We gotta be extra quiet," said Ma.
Granny had an idea.
"Tell you what, I'll make you a bargain. I'll distract Hank if you can tell me where this thorn is from. Bears have a very strong sense of smell."
"It's a deal," said Pa. "Ted, will you do the honours?"
Granny held up the thorn to Ted's nose and he gave it a right, big sniff.
"Smells like it's from Dandy Town," he said.
"We go to the Dandy Town Wild West District all the time to steal some good grub," said Ma.
"But don't be tellin' the Beano Town folk," said Pa.
"I knew my grandson and those other kiddies were innocent," said Granny with a smile. "Thank you so much, 3 Bears. Now, for my part of the bargain."
Granny went inside the store and talked to Hank who was behind the counter. She talked to Hank about things like today's celebrity gossip, the news and the kids of Beanotown being put in a home.
While she spoke to him, The 3 Bears snuck in from the window behind Hank and secretly stole all the food while he spoke to Granny. He didn't suspect a thing.
After the 3 Bears did the dirty theft and disappeared, Granny said bye bye to Hank, walked outside to her motorbike and drove off. Hank then turned around and saw that his store was empty. He stood there puzzled.
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Back at the Home, Roger's plan was into action.
It was morning and the kids were outside in the playground forced to play football with deflated ball. Cruncher stood there with his arms folded as he kept watch.
"Mr Cruncher, sir!" cried Spotty as he ran up to him.
"What do you want you pimple faced squirt?" barked Cruncher.
"There's a strange animal in the store room!" cried Spotty in fright.
"Alright, I'll see what it is," said Cruncher as he let Spotty lead him inside the Home.
In the store room cupboard, Cruncher looked around.
"I don't see anything," he said.
Just then, Cruncher saw a frightening sight. It was a tall muddy like monster and another short one beside him holding an axe. They both roared at Cruncher.
"ARGH! IT'S THE CREATURES OF THE DEEP, DEEP, DEEP MUD!"
'Creatures Of The Deep, Deep, Deep Mud' was the latest horror film that out at the moment.
Cruncher back away in fear. What he didn't know was that above him was a shelf and standing on the shelf was Ivy with a huge sack.
"NOW!" cried Spotty as Ivy jumped down and covered the sack on top of Cruncher. Spotty, Ivy and the two monsters then tied a huge rope around Cruncher. He was trapped. The four ran out of the store room as Minnie came up from the corridor. They shut the door and Minnie took out one of her hairpins and locked used them to lock it. They could hear Cruncher crashing about in there.
Minnie looked at the two monsters and said "Good work, boys."
The monsters wiped the mud off their faces to reveal they were none other than Plug and Wilfred.
"That was my best performance," said Plug. "I've seen that film 12 times. I know all the lines."
They all ran back to the playground. Using the axe, Wilfred chopped the chain from Billy Whizz's shackles. He could run again. And handy too, because the guards were coming. All the kids waited for the guards to arrive. There were about 10 of them. They all stood in front of the kids.
"Oh, you brats are goin' to get it now," said one of the guards.
But Billy Whizz started to run around them in a big circle. Around and around and around and around and around at the speed of light. The guards watched as he sped around them over and over and over. They were getting dizzy.
Whilst Billy was doing this, the kids had ran back inside the home and burst into the store room cupboards. They took out long coils of rope from each of the rooms and ran back to the playground.
Billy was still zooming around the guards who were getting dizzier and dizzier and dizzier. The kids threw the ends of their coils of rope at Billy and he caught them. As he continued running around the guards as he wrapped the ropes all around them tying them up. When Billy had finished, he stopped running and the tied up guards all sat on the ground dazed. Billy tied the end of the ropes into a knot. The kids had taken over the Home.
They managed to get all their clothes and belongings back. They were happy to be back in their old battle armour again.
Then Dennis, Minnie, Ivy, Billy, James, Roger and The Bash Street Kids all ran out of the building and into the bus. They were going to drive out of there. But there was just one question.
Who could drive?
"I can," said Smiffy.
"You?" asked the others in disbelief.
"My uncle owns an army tank, I drive it all the time," said Smiffy.
"Okay," said the others enthusiastically.
But wouldn't they know it, Smiffy was actually a very good driver. They couldn't believe it. Minnie directed him to Dandy Town.
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As the bus drove on, the others all congratulated themselves on a job well done.
"That was amazing when you did the….."
"Not as cool as you did the…." and so on.
Back in Beanotown, word had got out that the kids escaped the home and the police were all ordered to chase after the kids who were heading towards Dandy Town.
The kids' bus had only only 2 miles to Dandy Town. They were going to make it. But unfortunately, they noticed that a huge army of police cars were hot on their tail. And even worse, the bus were running out of petrol.
"I told you we should've stopped at that petrol station," Dennis said to Minnie.
"Well Erbert saw the sign and he said that they didn't had petrol, they had diesel," said Minnie.
The bus was slowing down and the cops were getting closer and closer.
Billy had an idea. He opened up the emergency door at the back of the bus and started to climb out. He then made his way to the bottom of the vehicle and placed his feet on the ground. He started to run as he pushed the bus to make go faster.
"It's working!" cried Danny.
But the bus was too heavy for Billy to push. They weren't going to make it!
"We need to lose weight, this bus is too heavy for Billy to push," cried Minnie.
Everyone all looked at Fatty.
"What?" he asked.
"James, what are you doing?" cried Sidney.
Calamity James had smashed opened the back window. He was going to jump out and sacrifice himself.
"You guys go on, I'll distract them," he said. "Besides, I'm nothing but bad luck. If you did make to Dandy Town with me, I'll just end up messing it all up for you guys."
"But we escaped the Home with you and it was a success," said Toots.
James looked at her and sighed.
"I'm sorry," he said. "Good luck everyone."
And with that he jumped out of the window and landed on the road right in the front of the police cars.
The cars all skidded to a halt as they saw the injured James.
Don't worry folks, James survived. He's been through worse.
The bus drove off towards Dandy Town. They have made it. But they were all sorry for James.
They all hung their heads down with despair.
"Poor James," said Plug.
"If only he believed in himself," said Minnie. "He has to understand he's not bad luck. It's just in his head."
All the kids sat there depressed.
"We're here," said Dennis.
The bus had arrived in Dandytown. The kids all shivered with fear. This was an unwelcome place for them.
Smiffy parked the bus and everyone got out.
"Let's go to my pen pal's house," said Minnie.