CHAPTER TWO
All the kids started to follow Minnie's lead. They had made their way into the neighbourhood.
But before they knew it, they were caught a big beam. They all appeared to be frozen in midair.
"I knew my tractor beam would be a success," said Brain Duane as he walked out in front of the prisoners with a big smile on his face.
Then the other Dandy Town citizens came out; Dianah Mo, Cuddles and Dimples, Bully Beef and Chips, Sneaker, Molly and Winker Watson.
"We got em Buenos people!" cried Cuddles.
"They forry it now!" cried Dimples.
"Well, well, if isn't our good chums, The Beanotown folk," said Sneaker.
"You lot are gonna pay for what you did to us!" said Dinah Mo cracking her knuckles.
"And we'll get a very smashing great amount of reward money for reporting you, dear chums," said Watson.
Just then Beryl The Peril arrived and saw what was happening. Minnie was delighted.
"Hey, pen pal!" she cried.
"Min min!" cried Beryl as she walked over to the Beano kids caught in the beam.
"You're friends with these Beanotown scum?" asked Molly.
"Yeah, you know those YouTube videos I made of myself doing stunts," said Beryl. "Minnie loved them and subscribed to me. She follows me on Twitter and we're mates. So, you managed to escape from The Home, that's hardcore, Min."
"Well, I couldn't have done it without my mates," said Minnie. "Anyway Beryl, we need your help. We were all framed for that robbery and we need your help finding the culprit."
"Okay," said Beryl.
"Oh no!" barked Dianah Mo. "We're not helping these morons after what they did to us."
"If you help us, we'll make it worth your while," said Roger.
"So what do we get in return?" asked Duane.
Roger looked at them for a few seconds and said "I don't have an answer for that, but you will….."
"Rubbish!" barked Watson.
They all began to argue with the Beano kids. This was not going to well at all. The Beano kids' hope was just impossible.
That was until they saw Bananaman flying in the sky. He then landed beside the commotion.
"What's the story here?" he asked.
"The Beano freaks have escaped the Home and we caught them. We're gonna make 'em pay!" said Dinah Mo cracking her knuckles again.
"Bananaman, we're innocent!" cried Danny. "We didn't cause that crime, we were framed. Somebody set us up!"
"Lair!" accused Sneaker.
"Oh that's funny coming from a liar like you, Sneaker," said Toots.
Then they all began to argue again.
"QUIET!" bellowed Bananaman.
This caused everyone to shut up.
"Now, I'm not fond of the people of Beanotown myself," said Bananaman. "But we need to see if they are telling the truth. As my duty as a crimefighter, I will help you find the culprit. Duane, turn off the beam."
Duane turned off the beam and the Beano kids were free.
"So, have you any evidence to prove that you're innocent?" Bananaman asked them.
The Beano kids all stood there. Speechless.
"Not one piece of evidence," sighed Minnie.
"Haven't thought this plan of yours through, 'ave you?" said Sneaker with that smirk that would make you want to punch him.
But then they all heard the sound of a motorbike revving. They all looked down the road and saw Granny on the motorbike with Gnasher, Gnipper and Rasher in the sidecar.
"Granny!" cried Dennis with delight.
Granny drove the motorbike over to the others and Dennis' pets jumped out of the sidecar and ran over to him.
"Gnasher! Gnipper! Rasher!" cried Dennis as he spread his arms. As the pets reached him, he gave them a big hug. They all licked him in the face.
"Oh how I missed you guys!" said Dennis. "I especially missed your turnip breath, Rasher."
Everyone else held their noses as Rasher's turnip breath all surrounded them.
Granny looked at Bananaman and suddenly became attracted.
"Why, hello there," she said giving him a flirtatious look. "Haven't you got big muscles?"
Bananaman got nervous.
"Er, madam, I'm only…. er, I mean. I'm not who you think I am."
"Oh, you just playing Hard to get," said Granny. "Oh by the way, kids, we went to the scene of the crime and found this."
She pulled out the thorn and shown it to everyone.
"According to the 3 Bears, this is from a Cactus in here in Dandytown. It must come from your Wild West district."
"Trust somebody from Dandytown to frame us!" boasted Roger.
Dinah-Mo was about to make her way over to Roger to pound him, but Bananaman held out his hand to stop her.
"Don't forget, violence is a crime," he told her. "Whether the victim is a criminal or not."
Dinah-Mo understood.
"Gnasher, Gnipper and Rasher's strong scent will pick the thorn up from here," said Dennis.
"They'll find the location of where this thorn was at."
Dennis held the thorn in front of Gnasher, Gnipper and Rasher. They all sniffed and
immediately knew where to go to. The three of them ran off to the Dandytown Wild West district.
"Wait for us, boys," Granny called to them.
The Beano kids, Granny and Bananaman all followed the pets into the district.
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After a few minutes, they arrived at Desperate Dan's house.
"Desperate Dan? Could he be the culprit?" asked Minnie.
Bananaman knocked on the door and Desperate Dan answered it.
"Howdy folks, what can ah do for ya?" asked Dan.
The Beano kids told Dan their story and how the pets' scent brought them here.
"Do you know where this thorn belongs?" asked Bananaman.
He held up the thorn in front of Dan. He studied it for a couple of seconds.
"Say, that thorn looks awfully familiar," said Dan. "Why, hang on. Ah'll be back in a doggone minute."
Dan went back inside the house for a few seconds and came back out with another pair of his trousers. The trousers appeared to have a thorn sticking into the backside of it.
"That thorn looks similar to this one," he said as he pulled the thorn off the backside of the trousers.
"Why did you keep that thorn in there?" asked Minnie.
"I gotta lot on mah mind, I just forgot about it," answered Dan.
"A lot on your mind, yeah right," snarked Roger quietly. He knew about Dan's reputation of being an idiot. "More like nothing in your mind."
Dan gave the other thorn to Bananaman. He held up both thorns and wondered if they both had a connection. He held the thorns in front of Gnasher, Gnipper and Rasher. The three of them sniffed the thorns and realised they both smelt the same.
"They're the same," said Bananaman. "Where did you get this thorn from Dan?"
"Why I got that thorn the last time I had an encounter with….."
Everyone's eyes lit up.
"THE CACTUSMAN!" they all shouted.
The good news was that they found the culprit.
But the bad news was that they could hear sirens. They saw police cars from a distance. It was the Dandytown police.
"Run!" cried Granny.
"But we won't outmatch the fuzz!" said Danny.
"Don't worry, I'll reason with them," said Bananaman. "I'm sure they'll understand."
But the others weren't optimistic. Could you blame them?
Bananaman confronted the police and tried to tell them the truth…. but it didn't work.
They drove right past the puzzled Bananaman.
The cops were getting closer and closer. What could the Beano folk do?
Billy Whizz looked around and saw a wagon that was outside the house. He had an idea.
Sure enough, all the Beano folk and Desperate Dan got into the wagon and Billy was at the reigns. Like the fastest mule in the west, he pulled the wagon at top stop speed away from the police. He was so fast, that the cops couldn't catch him.
Billy was racing across the desert at top speed.
"Head for that cave!" cried Dennis. "They'll never find us in there!"
Billy ran towards a massive cave. He stopped and all the passengers got out of the wagon. But then they realised another problem.
"They'll follow the tracks that lead into the cave!" cried Minnie.
"I have an idea," said Dan.
Dan lifted up the wagon and put it in the middle of the desert, then he walked behind the wagon and pushed the back of it with his foot. He pushed it so hard with all his might, that it sped off at super sonic speed into the desert, leaving tracks for the police cars to follow it.
Dan went back inside the cave and the police cars whizzed by not noticing the Beano folk inside.
"That was lucky," said Spotty.
"That's what I need, a big strong man about the house," Granny said to Dan flirtatiously. Dan got nervous.
Suddenly, Gnasher, Gnipper and Rasher's scent went crazier than ever. The Cactusman must be nearby.
"Looks like we'll find the culprit before the day's out," said Roger.
"Lead on, boys," Dennis said to his pets.
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The three pets followed the scent further down the cave. But then the Beano folk and Dan noticed that the ground was getting wet, squishy and sticky. They all looked down.
"QUICKSAND!" they all cried as they all found themselves sinking into a giant pool of quicksand. Rasher didn't mind though.
Billy tried to run. But his legs were stuck. Everybody was up to their waists now. Wilfred was up to his shoulders and Smiffy was upside down with his feet sticking out.
How is he able to breathe is anyone's guess.
Then they could hear the sound of boots walking followed by an evil laugh.
"I know that laff," said Dan.
From the other end of the pool of quicksand, they saw none other than The Cactus Man.
"Welcome fools. Nice of you to come in for a dip," he cackled.
"Cactus Man, long time, no see," said Dan.
"You're the culprit that framed all these kids and my grandson," said Granny.
"Guilty," said The Cactus Man. "Over the last few months, I had sneaked into Beanotown incognito. I managed to secretly steal all of your belongings and plan the perfect heist. You all knew it was me all along, but I will be the hero of the hour tonight at 8 O'Clock when I hand you all back to the Home. And you will be all stuck in the Home for life this time."
"As if the authorities will give you a full pardon on all the crimes you did," said Curly.
"I will with my trusty disguise," said The Cactusman. "They won't suspect a thing."
Ivy was in despair.
"That's right, Ivy," sneered the Cactus man, "you will never see you precious mommy or daddy ever again!"
He cackled evilly. Ivy burst into tears. The others thought that this was unfair.
"And as for your Granny, Dennis, she and Dan will be sent to prison," said The Cactusman. "They would be accused as accomplices."
Dennis reached into his pockets to find something that he could use. He realized that his yo-yo was in pocket.
Good thing I decided to put it in my pocket, he thought to himself.
He looked above the ceiling of the cave and saw that there was a big pointy rock coming from it. He held up his yo-yo and spun it around and around and around like a lasso. He then threw it up at the rock and it tied itself around it. Then Dennis grabbed Ivy who was in front of him.
"Everybody, grab hands! I'm gonna pull us out!" cried Dennis.
Ivy grabbed Minnie's hand and she linked onto Gnasher, Gnipper, Rasher, Roger, Plug, Toots, Sidney, Danny, Wilfred, Erbert, Smiffy (with his ankle), Billy, Spotty, Granny, Pie-Face, Curly, Dan and Fatty.
Using the yo-yo, Dennis managed to pull himself and everyone else out of the quicksand and up to the rock.
But Fatty's weight was too heavy for Dennis to lift. Try with all his might, he couldn't lift the whole chain. He was able to hold onto Ivy, but her other hand slipped and she accidentally let go of Minnie and everyone fell back into the pool of quicksand.
SPLOSH! GLOOP!
They were back to square one. But Dennis and Ivy were up on the rock. The Cactus Man took off his thorns from his body and began firing them like darts at Dennis and Ivy.
"Get back in the quicksand, squirts!" he shouted as he tried to hit Dennis and Ivy.
The two dodged the firing thorns. Using the yo-yo, Dennis, whilst holding onto Ivy, managed to swing off the rock and land onto the other side of the pool of quicksand.
"Don't worry! I'll get you all out of there now!" cried Dennis.
"Run, Dennis! Get help!" cried Granny. "Don't worry about us!"
"But Granny!" cried Dennis.
As quick as a flash, The Cactusman pulled out a remote control and pressed a button. A big steel door came down in front of Dennis and Ivy. They stood there and looked at the big door.
They had no choice, but to run out of the cave.
When Dennis and Ivy ran out of the cave, Dennis tried to think hard of how he was going to rescue Granny and his friends. And worst of all, the Dandy police were looking for him and Ivy.
"I wish Roger were here," he said. "He always came up with the best ideas."
"We could ask the people of Dandy town," said Ivy.
"No, they hate us," said Dennis. "Who could I ask more than anybody in the world?"
He thought for a minute and then he had an idea. He and Ivy raced back to Desperate Dan's house.
Half an hour later, Dennis and Ivy reached Desperate Dan's home. His Aunt Aggie and Uncle were looking for him.
"Young man, have you see Dan anywhere?" asked Aunt Aggie. "He seems to have disappeared."
Dennis told Dan's aunt and uncle of what happened. He then told them he needed a ride back to Beanotown but incognito. Dan's aunt and uncle and they dressed him and Ivy in their own Wild West style clothes along with cowboy hats. They actually belonged to Dan when he was little.
They secretly took Dennis and Ivy out of the district and to the Dandytown bus stop. They needed to go back to Beanotown whilst in their disguises.
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They caught the bus to Beanotown and it drove back to their own town.
With their disguises, Dennis and Ivy were able to walk past the police cars driving by looking for them.
Dennis and Ivy arrived at Ivy's house. Dennis knocked on the front door. It opened to reveal Ivy's parents.
"Yes?" asked Ivy's mum.
Dennis and Ivy entered the house and closed the door. Then they took off their disguises to reveal themselves to Ivy's parents. They couldn't believe it.
"IVY!" they cried with joy.
"MUMMY! DADDY!" cried Ivy.
They all hugged each other, happy to be reunited again. They were in tears of joy. Dennis couldn't help but feel teary too.
"Thank you, Dennis," said Ivy's dad, who still couldn't get over the fact that Dennis of all people would save his daughter.
"You're welcome," said Dennis who began to put his disguise back on.
"What are you doing?" asked Ivy.
"I have an idea of how to save the others," said Dennis. "I have to ask for someone's help and it is not going to be easy."
"Good luck," said Ivy and her parents.
"Thanks," said Dennis as he opened the door and left the house in disguise.
Dennis knew the one person who could help him in his most desperate hour.
He found the house that he was looking for. He went up to the front door and knocked on it.
The door opened and it was…
"Yes, could I help you," asked Walter The Softy not recognizing Dennis under his disguise.
"Walter, I need your help," said Dennis.
Walter recognized his voice and panicked.
"Argh! Get away you horrible menace!" he cried as he tried to close the door, but Dennis held it open.
"Look Walter, I'm serious. I need your help," begged Dennis.
"You!" cried Walter. "What makes you think I would help a rotten old menace like you! I will never forget all the times that you have made my life a misery!"
"I got a deal with you," said Dennis. "If you help me, I will never Menace you again."
Walter looked at him.
"No!" he shouted. "I will never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, EVER forgive you for what you did to me!"
Dennis looked at him, hopelessly.
"But Walter, I really need…"
"NO!" cried Walter as he stared angrily at Dennis.
"Walter, please listen…"
"Go away," threatened Walter as he slammed the door.
"Walter, my friends are in trouble and have no-one to turn to!" begged Dennis. "You're the only person I trust. You may be a softy, but you're kind and honest. Who wouldn't want to trust you?"
Dennis stood there and waited for an answer.
There wasn't any.
Nothing.
Nada.
Dennis just stood there.
No hope.
Nothing.
He had no choice, but to walk away.
It was hopeless. His friends were all done for. And no-one could help him.
No-one.
At all.
Dennis stood on the pavement.
This was it.
He couldn't save his friends and couldn't stop the Cactus Man.
He was heartbroken.
He sighed with woe.
His bottom lip began to quiver.
He looked down at the pavement.
Drops of tears hit the ground.
Tears ran out of Dennis' eyes like a waterfall.
He began to cry.
"Dennis?"
He turned around and saw Walter standing there by the door.
"Just this once."
Dennis smiled and wiped the tears away from his eyes. He then walked inside the house and
Walter closed the door.
Dennis told Walter the whole story. Then he told Walter the idea.
"Your friends work at Beanotown FM, right?"
"Yes," answered Walter.
"I have to make a broadcast to every person in Beanotown and Dandytown," said Dennis.
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Dennis donned his disguise again and he and Walter left the house to go to Beanotown FM.
It was 5pm and in the recording booth it was The Softy Hour with Bertie Blinkensoft and Spotty Perkins. The Softy Hour consisted of them talking about knitting, decorating and all things yucky and girly.
Walter and Dennis (still in disguise) entered the booth.
"And we are glad to be joined by our dear chum, Walter," said Bertie.
"And who is your special guest, Walter?" asked Spotty.
Dennis took off his disguise and Bertie and Spotty panicked.
"Argh! The Menace! Go away! Go away!" they yelped.
"Look, I'm not here to menace you," said Dennis. "I'm here to give an important broadcast."
"Alright," said Bertie. "But make your broadcast and after that, just go away!"
"I will," said Dennis as walked over to the microphone.
"People of Beanotown and Dandytown, this is Dennis The Menace speaking."
Every house from all over Beanotown and Dandytown was listening to that radio. That even included all the prisoners' families.
Everyone else listening included Korky the Cat and his Kits, Winker Watson and his school, the Teacher and the Head from Bash Street School, Desperate Dan's aunt and uncle, Sneaker and his family, Cuddles and Dimples and their parents, Beryl The Peril and her parents, Brain Duane and his family, Dianah Mo and her parents, and Eric (Bananaman's alter ego) and his mum.
"My friends and I have been wrongfully accused," continued Dennis. "We were all set up by a man known as the Cactus Man. Tonight he's going to bring my friends all back to the Beanotown Home. If we don't stop him, think of all the other people he'll set up."
As Dennis made his broadcast, his eyes began to fill up with emotion. His voice became shaky and tears ran out of his eyes.
"I know that most of you don't like me or any of the other kids because of our reputation, but if you were to help us…. we would appreciate that. Just this once… Dandytown, please help us. If you do, we will never play another prank on you for as long as we shall live."
Every listener felt emotional listening to Dennis' speech.
Dennis finished his speech with:
"I'm asking you, both Beanotown and Dandytown…. will you help me?"
Everyone who has listened to the broadcast all set there and thought about what he said.
The 3 Bears all sat there in their cave.
"Well, his Grandma did us a favour," said Ma.
"Just meet me at The Beanotown Home tonight at 8 O'Clock," sniffed Dennis. "This is Dennis The Menace, signing off…. and now, back to The Softy Hour."
Dennis could hear the sound of someone crying. He turned around and it was the Softies all crying. They were moved by Dennis' speech.
"That was so beautiful Dennis," sobbed Spotty.
"Thanks," said Dennis. "And now, I've got to go home and get ready for tonight."
"Good luck, Dennis," said The Softies.
"Thanks," said Dennis as he left the booth and ran out of the station.
Then he made his way straight home.
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And now we have a parody of the tooling up sequence from Hot Fuzz:
When Dennis got to his house, he ran upstairs to his bedroom. He took off his disguise and changed back into his normal jumper and shorts. In his room, he had a huge wardrobe of menacing tools. He opened up the wardrobe and began to tool up. He put on a belt with gun holsters, he filled up his water pistols and super soakers with custard that had gone off. As they were filled up, he twirled the pistols and put them into the holsters of the belt. Then he put the super soakers into the holsters on his back. After that, he put pea shooters into a gunbelt. Imagine instead of shotgun shells, pea shooters. Then he attached his utility belt with bags of frozen peas and finally put on a pair of fake sunglasses, complete with a pea shooter in his mouth.
Dennis looked like an action hero.
He walked down the stairs and was about to head out of the door.
"Dennis," said his dad.
But Dennis had just left.
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But what about Calamity James? Well, he was locked in a cell in Beanotown Police Station. The cops all heard Dennis' broadcast and decided to make their way out of the station and down to the Home.
James was in the cell, alone. Until…
"Hello, James," said a familiar voice.
It was none other than Alexander Lemming. He outside the window of the cell.
"Hello, Alex," said James. "Aren't you joining the rebellion?"
"Well, I was, but I needed to do something first," said Alexander.
"What?" asked James.
"Breaking you out of course," said the Lemming as he pulled up a buzzsaw and turned it on.
He sawed off the bars and they fell off the window.
He then reached his paw inside the cell to grab James' hand. But James just looked at him.
"C'mon, James. What are you waiting for?" asked Alexander.
James sighed.
"You go on, I'll only mess the rebellion up," he said. "I can't do anything right. I'm just… just….. just plain bad luck."
James walked away from the window and sat at the the bench at the other wall. He sat there staring at his feet and sighed.
"James, everyone messes up," said Alexander. "We all do things right and we all do things wrong. All the bad luck you've been suffering from, it's up here."
The Lemming pointed at his head.
"If you keep saying to yourself 'I'm useless, I can't do anything right' all the time, you will mess up. But if you're confident, you'll be amazed of what you can do."
James looked him.
"Besides, I've been bored. Really bored. It's no fun without you, Jim," said Alexander. "I could go save the kids on my own, but that's no fun. I'd rather do it with a mate."
James smiled.
Then he stood up and walked over to the window. He then climbed out and landed onto the grass. From nearby, he saw a hot air balloon.
"Where did you get that?" he asked.
"James, what you don't know can't hurt you," said Alexander as he and James walked over to the hot air balloon, climbed into the basket, turned the gas on and lifted up and away.
"Alright, it's actually your birthday present," said Alexander.
"Oh, cheers," said James.
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Dennis arrived at the bus stop. Waiting for him were a few of the Beanotown citizens; Walter and the Softies and Ball Boy and his team.
"That's it?" asked Dennis. "I thought there was going to be more people."
But then they all saw an unusual sight. It was Dennis' parents plus Bea, Minnie's parents, all of the Bash Street Kids' parents, Roger's parents, Ivy and her parents and Billy Whizz's family.
"Mum? Dad?" asked Dennis.
They headed towards the rebels.
"We all came to help save the kids and Granny, Gnasher, Gnipper and Rasher too," said Dennis' dad.
"Do you still believe that those kids and I caused that crime?" asked Dennis.
"Where were you really, Dennis?" asked his mum.
Dennis told them about the prank they played at Beanotown Stadium and all of the parents all stared at him.
"We may be menaces, minxes and dodgers, but we would never commit a crime like that," said Dennis.
His dad looked at him.
"I got to be honest, dad," said Dennis. "That really hurt when you said those things."
"Well, for being accused of doing something you didn't do… I forgive you," said his dad.
Dennis looked at his dad with joy. There appeared to be a tear in his eye and his bottom lip started to quiver.
"Is that a tear?" asked Dad.
"No," said Dennis very badly trying to hide the fact that he was emotional.
"Here, take my hanky," said Walter as he gave it to him.
"Thank you very much," said Dennis sarcastically.
Just then 6 police cars appeared up the road. They all drove up in front of the bus stop and parked in front of the rebels.
"Dennis, you are under arrest," said one of the policemen on a speaker phone. "Come with us now and we will take you back to the Home. We will not hurt you."
But from the other side of the road, a huge school bus arrived and at the wheel was Olive. She had the window down and stuck her hand out. She ordered the others to get into the bus. So that's what they did. They all ran inside and filled up the bus. Also inside where the Head and Teacher of Bash Street School. Plus Winston the School Cat. Olive put the pedal to the metal and drove like heck down the road to the Home.