"Let's go see if your sisters are awake, Beth," Shelby said to the baby in her arms.
It had been a long few weeks for the family—Rachel spent the first week of school in the hospital and has now been home for a week. In that time, she had five seizures; three of them were monitored by Dr. Stratton, two were at home. He was confident the combination of medications would be helpful, however, they don't all work overnight.
Before Rachel had another seizure in the hospital, she did exhibit some of the symptoms the doctors had warned the parents about—a few times her words became jumbled, another her eyes turned to one side and felt like she was going to be sick, and her body also began jerking. They were able to monitor her heart while in the hospital though, and it did slow down each time, however, it didn't stop the way it did the night she was brought in.
Will and Shelby had decided to keep Rachel home for a month because in that time they'll figure out how the medications would work. They wanted to have an idea of what Rachel's day to day life would be like before she went to school, and they'd be away from her—this included Santana staying home as well because she was always with her sister which would only help when they went back to school. It wasn't Santana's job to take care of her sister, but if she knew the signs of Rachel's seizures, she would be an extra person there to help.
"Ti-ti, na-na!" Beth squealed the minute her mom opened the door to Rachel's room where the girls were snuggled together.
"Shh, shh. Don't yell, Beth," Shelby said, hoping to quiet her daughter down seeing the twins still sleeping soundly. It was about 10am, they didn't need to be up yet though, so Shelby went back out and closed the door again.
"Ti-ti, na-na," Beth said again, pointing to the door. "Mama, mama, no!"
"Rach and Tana are sleeping, Beth. We're going to go back downstairs, and mommy will play with you," Shelby said, tickling her belly a bit.
"No!" the baby squealed, squirming around in her mothers' arms.
"Yes. Can you say, yes mama?" Shelby asked.
"No!"
"Okay, we'll work on it," Shelby said, moving on. Beth was in the dreaded no stage, but she was determined to change that before she and the twins went back to school and work.
Will had gone to school today as it was Monday and they'd all missed two weeks already—not just two weeks, the first two weeks. Shelby was truly considering homeschooling the girls if Rachel didn't get better, however, the twins were not on board with that. The only reason she was considering it was because Rachel's immediate future was still so unknown. If she continued to have seizures, Shelby would prefer to be there with her as opposed to her daughter being in a class where she wasn't. If the medication does its job, however, school wouldn't be so scary to the mother.
Shelby was also worried about Santana because she had become so paranoid, with good reason. Will and Shelby had sat down with her multiple times to let her know Rachel's potential seizures weren't her responsibility. Staying up to 'keep an eye' on her sister, not letting her go anywhere alone, asking with any movement if she was okay, etc wasn't helping. It was only causing Santana and Rachel more anxiety. They were working on it, but it wasn't easy for any of them.
Rachel was having a hard time dealing with her life changing, she didn't want anything more to change. One of the scariest things to her was seeing the faces of her family members before she had a seizure—the only one who didn't change was Shelby. The mother knew everyone else needed to work on it as to not freak the tiny brunette out any more than she already was. If you show your fear to Rachel, it only causes her to become more anxious about something she can't control.
It was more than just that to Rachel. She hated feeling like such a burden, she hated not being 'normal', she hated that this was affecting the entire family and her friends, she hated not getting to go to cheer and glee, she even hated not going to school…she just hated it all. Her mom had made her feel better about a lot of it, but Shelby could only do so much. To try and help Rachel, Shelby took her daughter out without the rest of the family to do something special for her in hopes of making her feel better.
"Mom, I don't wanna go anywhere. What if I have a seizure in public, it would be so embarrassing?" Rachel said, not liking the idea of leaving their house.
"What if you don't," Shelby countered. There was no way she could promise her daughter she wouldn't have a seizure, but they weren't going to stop living their lives. "Come on, babe."
"Ugh, fine."
Shelby drove them to the store and together they picked out material to make a weighted blanket, something the mother had read a lot about to reduce stress levels and in return, have less seizures. They also got some purple balloons because that's the color for epilepsy awareness—Shelby drove them to a park near their house next, then she and Rachel sat on the swings.
"What are we doing, mom? We literally have swings in the backyard, why are we here?"
"We're going to get rid of some of these negative feelings," Shelby said, reaching over to take her daughter's hand. "I can't imagine how you're feeling, babe. I can tell you I'll always going to be here and take care of you, no matter what. You're not a burden, it doesn't matter what happens, that will never ever be true."
"But you didn't ask to have a kid that's, that's…like me," Rachel said, not knowing how to classify herself.
Shelby lifted Rachel's chin so she could look into her eyes when she responded. "A talented, beautiful, brave, ambitious, creative, honest, artistic, energetic, powerful, charismatic sweet girl? Ugh, I know. Who would want a child like that?" Shelby teased.
"Mom, I'm serious."
"Rach, you aren't your epilepsy."
"I, I don't know," Rachel said, looking back at her mom. "Promise?"
"I promise. You're my sweet little baby, and you always will be."
"Ugh, mom!" Rachel whined, even though she appreciated the sentiment. "So, why do we have these balloons?" Rachel asked, changing the subject so her mom didn't get too mushy.
"I want you to write all of the negative feelings you've been experiencing down on this piece of paper, and then we are going to let them go because most of them are untrue," Shelby made a face and Rachel understood. She wasn't telling her daughter that her feelings weren't valid, just untrue.
"Like the messages to daddy?" Rachel questioned, catching onto what they were doing. Shelby nodded and handed her daughter a piece of paper. It wasn't a perfect plan because some feelings would linger, Shelby was just hoping to help Rachel relinquish some of them. None of this was her fault, Shelby didn't want Rachel blaming herself the way she had been. Sometimes the visuals help the twins, and because they love sending messages to their dad, Shelby decided to try it with this too—it wouldn't hurt.
About twenty-five minutes later Rachel and Shelby released their balloons, watching the purple floating through the sky was surprisingly beneficial to the tiny brunette. Rachel turned to her mother and wrapped her arms around her, "Thank you, mommy."
Shelby smiled, kissing the top of her head. "You're welcome, baby."
One of the hardest parts about having teens and a little is realizing your teens aren't babies anymore. They will always be your baby's, but they aren't your baby the way the little is. Sure, they act like toddlers a lot of the time—in fact, teens and toddlers are very similar to one other. They all need a ton of sleep, a ton of food, a lot of attention, throw tantrums mostly because they are overtired or overly emotional, and each has an insatiable desire for freedom and independence, something they aren't ready for.
When your child is sick in any way, nearly everything goes out the window—it doesn't matter if they are sixteen, six, or one because they become the little baby you gave birth to in a matter of seconds. Although Rachel wasn't currently having a seizure, Shelby still had her arms around her baby and felt as if she couldn't let go. Rachel became her itty-bitty twin b and all Shelby wanted to do was take away any and all pain she could ever experience. She only let go when Rachel said she was tired because it prompted Shelby to get her baby home so she could get snuggled up.
Shelby could tell releasing balloons with negative emotions was healing for her daughter and tried it with Santana a few days later. They also got plenty of fabric to make a weighted blanket for her as well and spent time making them together. Santana liked it because she knew it would help her sister, Rachel liked it because the weight felt like a constant hug, and Shelby liked how happy her girls were.
"Tana," Rachel whispered, unable to tell if her sister was faking asleep or if she really was still sleeping.
"Mmm," Santana groaned, rolling over to face her sister.
"Think mom will let us go to glee later?" Rachel asked once her sister had opened her eyes.
She kind-of understood why they were going to stay home for a full month but didn't get why they couldn't go in for glee. Rachel knew Sue would want her flying if they went to cheer, something she wasn't cleared for yet however, in glee she could avoid being tossed around so she didn't get what the big deal was.
"I dunno, Rach. Maybe."
"I guess it depends on what type of mood mom's in."
"Most likely," Santana responded with a yawn.
Rachel turned to look at the clock and was shocked when she saw it was 10:45am—she knew sleep was important, but their mom didn't usually let them sleep in this late because 'sleeping the day away' isn't good for anyone. Because it was September, Shelby liked the girls to get outside for a bit; it was good for them, plus it gave Beth an opportunity to run around and play too. The twins knew if their mom hadn't come upstairs to wake them by now, there had to be a good reason, something they spoke about for a while.
Downstairs, Shelby was on the phone with her mom and had completely lost track of the time. Since Rachel's surgery, Will has stopped questioning anything Shelby says which isn't always helpful, hence talking with her mother about everything. It's one thing when Rachel is seizing, but when talking about when the girls should go back to school, if she should or shouldn't be on certain medications, what activities she can do and such, Shelby would prefer to hear his thoughts as well instead of him just agreeing with her.
Katherine helped Shelby understand why Will was acting the way he is and went over everything with her daughter to see if she could bring up any points her daughter hadn't thought about. This was Shelby though, of course she's thought of everything and weighed everything out with too many pros and cons lists. She did appreciate the points her mother made, even when Katherine ended up agreeing with her in the end as well.
Katherine didn't just agree with Shelby regarding Rachel, she agreed with her daughters' thoughts on Santana too. She understood the need to keep Santana home, not only because Shelby was fearful if one went and one stayed home they'd end up in different grades, there were many reasons. One of the best things to prevent Rachel's seizures was keeping her stress level down, something Santana can do better than anyone else because of their twin bond.
The feisty brunette also had her own night terrors which has led to anxiety; Shelby brought Santana to the pediatrician before Rachel came home from the hospital and she was started on an anti-anxiety medication. She most likely wouldn't be on it very long, just until things at home settled down and her night terrors lessened. One of the seizure medications Rachel was on also treated anxiety, something unfortunately both girls had due to everything that's happened. The mother was considering taking them to a therapist to discuss things, alone or even together, but the few times she's mentioned it, Shelby had been shut down.
Shelby looked over at Beth when she saw movement, assuming the baby would be up from her nap soon and said her goodbyes to Katherine after promising to give the girls plenty of kisses from nana. Shelby hadn't brought Beth upstairs for her nap, she was content in the mamaroo downstairs; the mother wanted to keep her down there as well to make sure she wouldn't wake her sisters.
Shelby had a feeling the twins were most likely awake, just hadn't made their way downstairs yet. She knew they could sleep in, and it was good for them most days because of the night terrors they had however, Shelby knew before they went back to school, she'd need to find a way to get them in bed earlier.
By the fourth week the twins were home, Shelby brought them in for glee twice a week to see how Rachel would do and give them additional time with their friends who have come over quite often. The girls had spent a lot of time in the music room and Rachel had only had one more seizure in that time. Shelby was the one to catch it and quickly gave her the rescue medication—she sat Rachel down on her bed and was able to talk her through it. These seizures were all different and Shelby didn't know if that made her feel better or not.
Some of them Rachel stayed conscious and just became dazed for a few minutes, some her body jerked around and she was unconscious, others were a combination of the two. Dr. Stratton and Dr. Othot said it was a good sign they weren't all the same and because they were the professionals, Shelby believed them. It did make her much more worried for when Rachel was cleared to go back to school though because trying to explain what may happen to all her teachers wasn't going to be easy.
Rachel had a follow up appointment with Dr. Stratton this week and Shelby was going to have him read over what she was planning on giving her daughter's teachers just to make sure it was clear, and listed everything that may or may not happen. He was still working side by side with Dr. Othot on this, and the doctor in LA because neither had seen a case in person before until Rachel. Shelby knew Dr. Anderson was only there to help, but he made the mother extra anxious because he was the third doctor consulted on Rachel's case, yet he didn't have a cure either.
Realistically, Shelby knew the word cure was farfetched right now because they were still learning to adjust to Rachel's new norm; once the doctors understood all the symptoms she was having with the new medications, they'd have more answers.
A lot of the future is unknown to the family, to everyone. While some things aren't necessarily known, they are assumed—the twins obviously haven't gotten into NYU yet, but they will. Although Santana isn't obsessed with Broadway, the twins know they will be in a musical together at some point in their lives. They aren't dating anyone yet, but they will one day and they'll both get married.
These are things in the future that aren't necessarily known, however, as their mother Shelby knows they will happen. Whether or not Rachel's seizures continue for 6 months, a year, 2-4, or 6 years is unknown—and it's the worst type of unknown.
While taking one day at a time is great, Shelby knows she can only say it so many times before the twins freak themselves out even more. They are like their mother in the sense that they prefer to plan ahead but that's incredibly hard to do when things are so unknown right now. Patience is their new best friend.
I'd like to skip ahead some. Out of curiosity, is there anything specific anyone would like to see? I was thinking about a musical and more interactions with 'their blondes'. Also, the family movie will be coming out soon so that's going to be great for all. I'm open to suggestions :) As I've mentioned, my husband and I are still helping our daughters through all of this. We have clarity from her three doctors, but there are still some things that come up that make us feel dread again, especially when Everleigh's doctors don't have an answer for us.