Hello everyone! I'm very sorry for the late update. Things have been busy lately and this chapter took me longer to write than I thought it would. This chapter only contains the flashback portion of what I planned to write for chapter 16 because it was getting too long (again XD) We have 3 characters and their perspectives: Illumi, Killua, and Kalluto all interacting together. And they're all mentioning a whole bunch of things, stuff that happened in the past and alluding to things that will happen in the future. I really liked writing this chapter, but i also hope i didn't make it confusing XD I hope it turned out okay :) Enjoy!

Chapter 16: Brother (part 2)

Killua learned that things never lasted as long as he would have wished them to. All the while pushing down the most obvious question whenever he was having the time of his life: How long is this going to last?

Killua saw Illumi waiting for him in the dark. That was his answer; dutiful and irritatingly reliable as his older brother always was. Like it wouldn't kill Illumi to slack off or turn a blind eye for once. Instead of feeling ashamed of being caught red handed in breaking the rules, Killua couldn't help but smile. In some weird and unexplainable way, he felt like he won.

Illumi stood with his arms crossed as he leaned back against his car. He hadn't told their mother about Killua's midnight escapades, she had enough to worry about. Instead, he waited patiently for Killua to jump off the balcony, descend the sycamore tree, and walk a block down the mansion he started to regularly pay nightly visits to. Illumi twirled a withering brown tree seed by its stem-it looked like wings. Kalluto stood sullen next to Illumi's side.

As Killua came into view, Illumi handed Kalluto the tree seed. 'If you spin them right, you can make them fly.' Kalluto tried to do just that while avoiding Killua's eyes.

"Sneaking out past curfew? Kil, this isn't like you."

Killua scoffed. How would Illumi know? Maybe Killua wanted to be the boy who sneaks out at night without telling a soul and debates whether or not to return before dawn at all. No, not maybe. He wanted to live how he wanted and he didn't see himself stopping in the future. "I could say the same about you. You used to be so cool."

"Cool?" Illumi raised his eyebrows, perplexed. "That doesn't sound right. When did this happen and why wasn't I aware of it?"

Killua gawked. "Um, the old you? The Illumi who would sneak out whenever he wanted to and do whatever he wanted. The Illumi who didn't give a shit about breaking the rules and didn't care what mom and dad said."

Illumi once stood in Killua's shoes, so clearly, it felt as if he was peering into his own past. The high of recklessness and irresponsibility that accompanied freedom lasted long after facing reprimands and punishments for disobeying his parents. The smug feeling of invincibility was intoxicating enough after a lifetime of restrictions and codes, he could get away with what he wanted and his parents wouldn't know the half of it and still think of him as an obedient son. However, these were memories he preferred not to think twice of anymore. He was different now—better. He had obligations to his family and duties to uphold—playtime was over. But what was Killua referring to about Illumi's scandalous past…specifically. Illumi did many things. Oh God. He raised an eyebrow, conspicuously. If Killua knew something he shouldn't have known then he wouldn't have to worry about being grounded. Illumi would kill him right on the spot. There was always room for more skeletons in his closet.

Killua gawked. "Don't you remember? You used to take your dirt bike and go downtown all the time? You used to go almost every night before you packed up your bike. I didn't even get a chance to ride it. Everyone else got to, even mom." One corner of his mouth curved upward, revealing a sharp canine tooth.

"Oh, that!" If there was a God, then she was beautiful and Illumi would praise her. "What about my bike? Do you want it?"

"Yeah, where is it?"

"Compacted."

"I asked where!"

Illumi waved Killua's pestering noises away. "Going downtown was a waste of my time. Besides, you aren't missing out on anything, trust me."

"You're kidding, right? I'm missing out on everything. The old you was so rebellious that mom and dad put you on house arrest for two years to keep you in check. Ring a bell? Then you gave in and turned into this. A boring sticker for the rules. You're making me be the same way. I do my work, I follow the rules—okay, most of the time. I listen to you and dad. I train hard even after the day is done, on my own and without anyone telling me to. I study like a wired machine until my brain is fried. I practice even after I'm beyond sick of it. If I want to have a little fun then I think I'm at least owed that."

Kalluto looked back and forth between his brothers, anxiously.

Illumi's jaw flexed, then faintly scowled. His little brother should learn when to hold his tongue. "If you're going to tell my life story wrong then you at least owe me the royalty checks. Mind you, it was not a forced house arrest, I took a wellness break. Unsurprisingly, being addicted to working excessive hours takes its toll on the body. You said so yourself, it isn't a major flex."

"Liar." Killua rolled his eyes, his older brother actually agreeing with him was never a good sign. Some boys are dangerous if they're not tightly controlled. Their mom and dad saw that in each of their sons and sought to control them in different ways. Killua knew he was the only one out of his brothers who saw everything for what it was. Illumi was powerful and yet he let himself be caged, that alone made Killua sick to his stomach.

"He had burnout!" Kalluto yelped, brows furrowed angrily at Killua. He was always ready to defend his big brother.

"Lucky." Killua would give anything for a psychotic breakdown if it means more time off. "I still think that's a cover up for the obvious truth, but I'm glad you're feeling better or whatever."

Kalluto's face turned bright red with anger. "He may still be going through it!"

Illumi gently hushed Kalluto. "Thank you, thank you. That is all. Twirl your tree seed. Anyway, where were you during that particular time, Kil? Oh yes. You were sent to train at Heaven's Arena. Being on your own for the first time is a scary endeavor, for anyone. You were alone and far from home, so I'm not surprised or mind that you'd made up these out of proportion scenarios to entertain you so time would pass by faster. Especially when it wasn't all fun and games at the arena. Waiting alone between fights, wondering whether or not you're stronger than your opponent, worrying what would happen if you never made it to the 200th floor. When you'll get out, if ever? Anxiously waiting for dad's approval knowing he was watching you somewhere in the stadium. Stuck with your own thoughts as you glossed over every victory and ruminated over every loss. Like it or not, you're a perfectionist like me. We'll make ourselves sick if we stay by ourselves for too long. I get it, you want to clear your head and get out once in a while. That's fine and you can as long as you're responsible about it. Tell mom or me where you're going, how long you'll be gone, and keep in contact with us. That's simple, isn't it? When I finished recuperating, I went right back to work, as if I never skipped a day before in my life. But what about you? You're running off to who knows where to who knows whom because this is what you think you've been owed?"

If all Killua had to do was ask to go out then he wouldn't have snuck out in the first place. As if they'd actually say yes and let him! "Yeah, at the very least."

"Kil, I wake up only to find you gone, what do you think is running through my head?"

"Good riddance, what took him so long." Killua smiled from ear to ear, sheepishly.

Illumi sighed. "I would have been less paranoid if a ransom note and a finger was left behind."

"Next time I'll leave something dismembered behind just for you."

"How thoughtful." Illumi stared down at his little brother and said in a low, husky voice. "You used to be such a good boy."

Killua suddenly didn't have anything to say.

"Good reputations really tarnish too soon. Well, I suppose that's the way of things. Anyway, I'd rather not debate with you this late. You're not allowed to run off whenever you want to, in the middle of night no less. You know this will make mom sick. I can't imagine you would know and still—" Illumi held his tongue. Killua would do things knowing full well how it would affect their mother. Her heart breaks easily for her children, and some more than others didn't mind stepping on it. Killua had the gift of selective tunnel vision whenever it suited him like that. "Before you spare no expense in giving me your best excuse—mind you my expectations are very high—but as far as I'm aware." Illumi snapped his fingers. "You've made a friend."

Killua sighed, stuffing his hands in his pockets. As much as Killua hated to admit it, Illumi was just playing his role as the dutiful and responsible older brother. Maybe playing that role actually gave him burnout. "Dunno. Did you make a friend?"

"I could make friends or I could look after you, but heaven knows I cannot do both."

Kalluto bopped his head against Illumi's side.

Illumi smiled and patted Kalluto's head.

"Look." Killua growled. "This was the last time I was going to visit him. So relax. I've thought this out."

"I'm sure you have." Illumi tapped his finger, precisely as a metronome that kept track of Killua's pulse. Killua taking accountability caught Illumi off guard. "Well, that's it then. Since you've thought this all out and you clearly don't need my help, then I can safely assume you haven't run into any problems along the way. But reassure me first so we can go back home." As the Zoldycks became more powerful, they made more enemies. It was hard to keep track of who was safe and who wasn't. Friendship and good hearts were as dependable as paper boats voyaging across the ocean and back. You learn to stop being surprised and instead bet how long they take to sink. Illumi could see that his little brother was sinking. He was holding out for a lifeboat, breathing in salt water, and drowning.

"He isn't a problem." Killua dug his nails inside his fists. Neither of his brothers could see.

"Does he have a name?"

"Yeah." Killua said between clenched teeth.

"Alright. Keep your secrets." Illumi said, thinking how Killua erroneously assumed Illumi cared enough to force a name out of him.

"He's going to die. I came to say goodbye."

"That's convenient." Illumi quipped. "While murder solves most problems, you know it doesn't always need to. Just checking."

"Hello Pot, I'm Kettle. You're black."

Illumi snorted. "Point taken."

"I don't care if you believe me or not, but I don't have to do anything. He's terminally ill."

"I'm sorry to hear that. With what?"

Killua was at a loss for words.

"You don't know, do you? Maybe he isn't sick at all but was lying to get you to lower your guard, not on his own volition, of course, but on another's behalf. Or perhaps it was a setup and you would be ambushed on the way to him. It's harder to see your enemies in the dark. Remember that job in Yorknew City?"

Killua couldn't forget it. All of his brothers worked together during this particular mission; Yorknew City was swamped with gangs, drugs, and violence—that meant plenty of work for the Zoldycks. The mayor commissioned their family to take out a drug cartel—the law was slow and he was desperate and needed them gone. That was one way to fulfill a promise he made for a cleaner and safer city. Of course, the public would never know, assassintion wouldn't look good for upcoming re-elections. Milluki cut the power and even the back up generators of their base, while Illumi, Killua and Kalluto carried out the rest of the mission. Killua learned that day that even grown men were still afraid of the dark. When they were finished, they went to a nearby bodega and ordered bacon, egg, and cheese on knish. Everything tastes better on griddled fried bread and spiced potatoes. "Why'd you always have to bring it up? I got it done. So what?"

"You missed one."

"I was leaving that guy for last…"

"What you should be doing is getting on your hands and knees thanking Kalluto for noticing not a second too late otherwise—"

"Otherwise we wouldn't be here having this conversation. I know, I KNOW."

"Uh-uh. Not us. You. You wouldn't be here. One second of carelessness and that's all it takes to wind up dead." Illumi snapped his fingers.

"Give it time."

"I'm not in the mood for games tonight, Kil."

Killua shrugged. Smirking. "I'm not playing any. You brought it up."

"I have the right reasons to. I bring things up, not to purposely make you feel bad, but so you don't forget them. Why do you think I do that? The answer isn't hard."

"You don't want me to fuck up again."

"I want you to learn from your mistakes so you don't get hurt. And that is what I could see happening again, right now even, if you're not vigilant. We don't have the luxury of lowering our guard or the security that we're free from harm once we leave home. I bring these things up for your benefit, not for my own kicks. Let's jump back to the present with your friend you don't want to name. I'm surprised you're not more fazed about their death."

Killua sighed. "No. It's just—he has a bunch of problems. There's something wrong with his lungs, and he can't breathe without his machine. He can't stand without his walker because of a degenerative disease affecting his muscles. His pancreas doesn't work, so there's a dozen different medications he has to take so he can eat, some make him delirious and see things that aren't there. He thought he hallucinated a ghost the first time he saw me on his balcony. Said he saw several of me, I guess he wasn't too far off." Killua chuckled. "Oh, and he's seriously allergic to sugar, even chocolate robots could kill him. He finished writing a draft of his funeral service and wanted me to read it over. It was funny. He wants 'drop it like it's hot' to play as his casket goes down."

Damn. "How old is he?"

"11. His birthday was last week. He could only blow out the candles on his cake, so he had crackers with a glass of milk instead." His friend hid a slice of cake under his bed and saved it just for Killua. He always wanted to eat cake together with a friend, even if it was just one of them who ate it. "He isn't a threat to me, or to anyone. Honest."

"It's alright, I believe you." If what Killua said was true then Illumi would undoubtedly be crowned the king of assholes. Though he found it odd how someone could be allergic to all sugars. "I can only make assumptions when I don't know what's happening." Illumi had a persistent fear that if he looked away for one second, Killua would wind up dead in a ditch. He was just like his mom.

"Yup. I just came to say goodbye. For the last time. That's all."

"Well, I'm glad you ended it on your own." Despite the fear of abduction and extortion this night triggered for Illumi, all he wanted was to see Killua happy, which admittedly Killua hasn't been much of late. He may even consider allowing Killua to send a flower arrangement for the service.

Killua hesitated, weakly. "Are you going to tell mom?"

"Kil, I've texted mom to tell her we went to go see a movie."

"You're actually nice sometimes."

"Never say that to me again. Oh, that reminds me, she wanted me to call her during intermission." Illumi turned to his phone and walked away, then spoke quickly to his brothers as the dial rang. "We're watching Pirates of the Caribbean: Legend of the Sparrow King. Do me a favor and skim over the plot on the wiki page. Special guest appearances include Kiera Knightly and a jar of dirt. We love it—Hi mom, yeah, I just walked out of the theater so I can hear you better. Oh, no, Orlando Bloom isn't in this one." Kikyo said something. Illumi laughed.

Illumi sounded so natural, it didn't even come across as lying. "Oh…thanks." Killua couldn't help but assume the worst. Anyone from his family could break through the balcony, smother his friend with a pillow in his sleep or obstruct his oxygen tank. Illumi could have dragged Killua back into the car by now. He could have told their mom about Killua breaking the rules. But instead, Illumi was on the phone, rehashing the movie as if he just watched it seconds ago and covering for Killua when he hadn't a reason to. Maybe Illumi just felt sorry for his friend.

Maybe he felt sorry for Killua.

There was no reason for Killua to be angry at Illumi. He turned to Kalluto who could barely look him in the eyes. Killua unclenched his fists as he stared down at his little brother. Possessing the same calm rage Illumi does. "You followed me. You snitched on me. You told Illumi where I'd be. That's why he knows. That's why you're here. That's why you can't look at me now."

Kalluto jolted at the truth.

Killua was right. "Ah, now you see me."

Kalluto turned to Illumi for help, but his big brother wasn't going to speak for him, too busy talking with their mom. Currently, Kalluto and Killua were on line at the concession stand. They were going to share a large bucket of popcorn together. He looked back at Killua and saw the anger building in his eyes—all for him. It was hard to look at. "You broke the rules."

"I'm just getting started."

"You're putting all of us at risk."

"C'mon." Killua raised his arms and let them drop to his sides, exasperated. When Illumi was out of earshot, he spoke freely. "You can stop parroting what mom and dad always say. No one is listening. Say what's on your mind, for once. This is the only time we can. Kalluto, I know I'm not the only one tired of being told how to live our lives. We can't do anything on our own. It's like we can't breathe without asking them for permission first."

"Speak for yourself."

Killua was taken aback.

"I like my life." Kalluto said firmly. Killua kept saying 'we,' but Kalluto didn't entirely agree with his brother. Yes, their lives were different, but he liked things as they were. He liked being with his family and he wanted everyone he loved to be at home with him. There was nothing strange about that to Kalluto. He didn't understand why Killua didn't think the same.

"Trust me. There's more to like about life than just what's inside the testing gate. It's like living in the middle of nowhere." It felt more like a cage everyday. Killua didn't want to be stuck inside it any longer. He wanted Kalluto to say it too.

Kalluto didn't want to leave it. Though, it was obvious Killua was trying to coax the answer he wanted out of him.

"Imagine all the fun we could have."

"We already have fun."

"I don't mean…" Assassination. It wasn't the kind of fun Killua wanted to have anymore. Killua shook his head, he wasn't going to finish that sentence. Not with Illumi nearby. Not when he was already covering for Killua and didn't have anything to gain even after admonishing him. Not when Killua knew what Illumi said was rooted in sincerity. He stepped closer to Kalluto and spoke softly. "Don't you want to see the world?" He sounded hopeful. Hopeful that he could tap into something he thought both of them wanted.

Kalluto felt a cold pang whorl in his stomach. Killua wouldn't say these things if he felt home, and everyone in it, was enough for him. Kalluto wished he was enough for his brother. Alluka was enough. He could only think of the latter when he answered. "No. I don't."

Killua didn't relent. He took another step towards Kalluto, and spoke just enough for only the two of them to hear. "Illumi is starting his own life, and soon his own family too. We'll always be his brothers, but he'll have new priorities. New loyalties."

Kalluto didn't like how Killua was already pointing out the growing branches readying to sprout, the imminent divide, in their family. Illumi will want children and those children will become his life.

Killua continued. "His family will take over. He'll want that. You and I both know he wants dad's spot. I don't have to be the heir, I never wanted to be. So why can't we just let him have it? I'm not opposed to it and neither are you. Don't you think he could take over for dad? I think so."

Kalluto nodded. He believed in Illumi.

Killua smiled, eager. "Don't you see what that means for us?"

Kalluto couldn't listen. He didn't want to. He was scared of what would follow after.

"We're not needed anymore."

Those last words broke Kalluto's heart. What Killua saw as freedom, Kalluto saw as heartbreak. Kalluto's shoulders were trembling as tears pricked at the corners of his eyes. "You're wrong. Mama needs me. Big brother needs me. I am needed. So are you!"

Illumi turned around briefly, then back again. His brothers were far away, so he could only hear the warbles of their conversation. He hoped their mother couldn't. She trusted Illumi and was too busy gushing over Orlando Bloom.

Killua grabbed a hold of Kalluto's shoulders. Holding him. It was gentle and kind. Kalluto wanted to be held like this again. "You're right, I'm sorry. I need you most of all, Kallu."

'He called me Kallu.' Kalluto liked it when Killua did.

Killua continued. "That's why I want us to travel the world together and I have a plan to make it happen. I can only do this with you by my side. We could do anything." Killua said those words like they were magic. He had a dream and he wanted Kalluto to share it with him; unwilling to begrudgingly accept their life while there is a whole other world waiting for them to take. "But we have to do it now. We have to leave now. You have to make a decision now. All you have to do is tell me yes and I'll take care of the rest."

It was everything Kalluto wanted to hear. There was no one else to take his place inside Killua's heart. "You're my best friend."

Killua smiled, radiant. "Let's go."

With Alluka gone, these were the best years of Kalluto's whole life and it could last forever if he says yes right now. Yes to Killua, yes to the world…and goodbye to his family. It broke his heart when he shook his head. He didn't want to leave home. "I love our family. I love our Mountain. What's wrong with staying when everything is already perfect?"

"Please, Alluk—" Killua stopped himself. "Kalluto."

Kalluto finally understood. He wasn't the one Killua truly wanted to share his dream with. Kalluto pushed Killua away. He felt cold and regretted what he'd done without Killua's hands on his shoulders, but this moment couldn't be taken back. Kalluto bent over and held his hands over his stomach—laughing. Painful, wretched laughter. He couldn't stop. Even with Illumi's needle, even after forgetting who Alluka is, she's still there in Killua's head, somewhere. Forgotten, but not forever gone. Kalluto was just the spare, someone who could never fill the space of the person Killua truly wanted by his side.

"What's your problem!" Killua stared at him, like Kalluto was blurry and unfocused and unrecognizable. As if he was someone else entirely. He took a step back. "Weird, I thought I wasn't the only one in our family who wasn't afraid to do what they wanted. Guess I was wrong."

Kalluto stopped laughing. He saw Killua's face, and how far away he seemed. "Let's go home or, um, let's go see a real movie!"

Killua's mind skipped over movies and popcorn and pirates. He thought they both wanted the same thing. He didn't want to be wrong. "I think I understand now. You're afraid that I can live my own life fine without you all in it."

"That's not true!" Kalluto grabbed at Killua's sleeve to pull him closer, but Killua shrugged back.

"That's why you don't want me to go, or why you followed me here, not because I broke the rules. It wasn't Illumi I was afraid of finding out."

It was me. Kalluto blanched.

"You want to hold me back, you're just like the rest of them."

You're wrong. You're wrong. You're wrong. You're wrong. You're wrong. You're wrong. Kalluto raised his head towards the mansion and up at the balcony. A threat. A danger. A boy who polluted Killua's mind. Jealousy gripped his heart. "I could kill him." He should.

Anger simmered within Killua. "I won't let you."

"Don't get so wired up. You said it yourself, he is going to die anyway. Should we flip a coin like we usually do with our last kills? Heads or Legs." Kalluto opened his fan, the edges were sharp.

"I'm done playing these sick games."

"You are always partial to heads. Me personally, well, you can't run away without legs. But I guess in your friend's case it wouldn't matter much." Kalluto giggled.

"That's why I didn't want to tell you about him. I know you too well to have let that happen." Kalluto was Killua's beloved little brother, but he also became something else whenever Killua veered off by himself or whenever he became interested in outsiders. Sometimes Killua would go back and find those same people as corpses or scattered in pieces. Killua hoped he could change that about Kalluto. He thought he was the only one who could, but perhaps it was time to come to terms with what he couldn't. This was his brother's true nature. Jealous and violent and possessive.

"So you decided to put him at risk instead. Knowing the danger you were putting him in?" Kalluto tched. "Doesn't seem very friendly."

"Neither is dismembering each other's friends, but hey, nobody's perfect."

"Our family isn't perfect, but it is as close to it than the rest of the world could ever be. You are the only one who doesn't see that."

"All I've been asking you is to take that chance with me. You have to try—we can change. We can't keep living in the dark."

Kalluto pouted. "Illumi is right. You are forgetful. Don't you remember who made this coin game in the first place? You did. You think you're so different, but you're the same as the rest of us. If your friend knew what you were, would he be scared?"

Killua stood in Kalluto's way. "Go ahead and try. Risk disobeying Illumi. Risk going up against me."

"I think he would be scared," Kalluto answered instead. Only his eyes were visible while he shrouded the wicked smile on his face with his fan—a weapon that has been used to kill many before. "You scare me."

Killua breathed and thanked Kalluto, catching him by surprise. "Y'know all that pain you have deep inside, pain that makes you act out and do despicable things that even you admit disgust yourself. That's why I thought you were different. I thought you wanted to change, like me. I was wrong." Killua walked closer to Kalluto and reached for his fan. Killua lowered it, and all smiles disappeared. Killua's voice was colder than ice. He could see inside his little brother's heart and all the things he did not like. He ripped Kalluto's fan out of his hand and stabbed it against his chest. "There are so many things beyond your control, things that eat you away. You don't fight it—you give in and let it. You hide in our Mountain and you do horrible things. But no matter what you do, no matter how many people you kill, it won't make that pain inside disappear any faster. That pain sticks like the blood we spill, it doesn't go away, and it makes you sick—me most of all." Killua stabbed the fan at Kalluto, one stab for every point Killua made. "Wait—you're actually crying."

Kalluto dropped to his knees. Tears streamed down his cheeks. Killua hummed and dropped the fan into Kalluto's hands. It missed and hit the gravel road instead.

Killua turned away.

Kalluto screamed, pounced off the ground and rammed into Killua's legs. Tackling him to the ground. His nails were replaced by razor edged claws, swiping viciously at Killua. Killua held up his arms to block his face. Thoughts wildly rampaged in Kalluto's head. Desperately wanting his family to stay together. Resenting Illumi and his imminent, new family. Blaming Killua for wanting to leave the family they already have. Despising Alluka's perfection and Killua's undying adoration of her. Hating himself for acknowledging the truth rotting away inside. Realizing that love wasn't enough to heal what has been broken for a long time—love wasn't enough to fix what Kalluto became. Love wasn't enough to make Killua stay. Love wasn't enough to keep Illumi whole.

Love wasn't enough.

Kalluto lost himself in this feverish frenzy, engulfed by his own rage. Every horrible thing he ever thought about himself came rushing in all at once, just as Killua said. He struck and struck and struck just how he was taught. He made it hurt. He wanted Killua to hurt as much as he hurt. Soon, the world shifted beneath his feet and he was still in a disoriented daze long after he was pulled back. He was heaving in labored breaths and didn't recognize who was holding him back until the blood came into focus.

It wasn't Killua's.

It was Illumi's blood. Illumi stepped in between his brothers, already having hung up on his mother. Intermission was over.

He hurt…He hurt…he hurt. Kalluto's voice came out weak and shattered. "T–That wasn't meant for," it shouldn't have been meant for anyone, but he attacked anyway. "I didn't mean it," Kalluto meant it to hurt then, he wasn't sure what he wanted now. "Illumi, I'm sorry, I—" Was he really sorry with his hands soaked with his brother's blood?

Illumi didn't push his brother away, the sting of fresh blood never bothered him. He held Kalluto tight and didn't let go. Kalluto bawled into Illumi's shoulder, the horror of what he had done dawning over him. He was terrible and a monster and cried how he was sorry and didn't mean to hurt anyone.

Killua just watched in shock as Illumi comforted Kalluto, showing more concern for his little brother. Killua gnashed his teeth as he fought against a putrid scream. Illumi pushed him aside to help Kalluto even though Kalluto attacked him first. Even though Kalluto drew blood and wouldn't stop and wanted more. It was a winter night, but Killua was boiling up a storm inside. The cuts on his arms stung as he balled his hands into fists, grinding against the gravel beneath him. He listened as he cracked the rocks beneath his grip.

Killua was too angry to think. He was behind Illumi in a flash with his hand aimed for Kalluto's head. Kalluto was right, Killua was partial for heads.

Kalluto didn't move, he only closed his eyes—he deserved it.

Illumi grabbed Killua by the wrist, preventing the attack, as he spoke with a serious calm. "Think before you'll do something you'll quickly regret."

"I have. He attacked me. It's only right that I hurt him back. That's another family rule of ours, right. Or do you not want me to break that rule too?" Killua laughed, harshly. No cruel act from one family member to another goes unpunished. It was within Killua's right to proceed however he wished after an unprovoked attack.

"Yes, but I accept it on Kalluto's behalf. I won't allow more blood to be spilled. You're upset. You want blood. I get it." Illumi said slowly, careful not to release Killua within range of Kalluto. "Let my blood quell your rage instead."

Killua was sick of Illumi always bending the rules for Kalluto. "This is why he is so messed up because you constantly enable him to be." Killua could hear Kalluto crying louder, but Killua couldn't stop. "I'm right! Both of you know it! Kalluto is terrible and would agree with me. He attacked me first—"

Illumi's voice bellowed, startling Killua. It was rare seeing Illumi this way. It takes a lot to make him angry. "You see he's in pain and you push him until he breaks," Illumi pulled Killua close. "You're his older brother, and look at what you're doing to him. You're supposed to protect him. No one will protect you more in this life than each other. Never forget that. Never turn on eachother. Don't let a lifetime of someone looking out for you, loving you get swallowed by a moment of anger."

'You're supposed to protect me too.' Those words were lost from Killua's voice, silent. Illumi wasn't the dutiful brother he painted himself to be—he took sides. Illumi didn't say he was disappointed, but Killua could see it plainly in his eyes.

"You'll join the Bureau in the upcoming year, most likely on or sometime after my wedding day. Why? A representative will be there, so that'll make it convenient for all of us."

"What?" Killua stuttered. "But, dad said I had another year."

"It's already been decided and just recently you told me yourself that you're a pro." Illumi then turned to Kalluto and asked if he could walk. He picked up Kalluto in his arms to bring him to the car.

Killua rushed to keep pace with Illumi, then ran back to pick up Kalluto's fan, then ran back to Illumi. "This isn't fair!"

"It's been decided. Get the door for me, Kil."

Killua opened the car door as Illumi lowered Kalluto in and helped him buckle his seatbelt in the backseat. Killua's voice was laced with panic. "You even said it yourself that you convinced dad to push it back because you wanted to train me more, that I wasn't ready. I'm not ready!"

"Dad thinks you're ready, and I think it's time for you to grow up."

Illumi got in the driver's seat, with Killua beside him in the front. Killua looked into the rearview mirror—Kalluto was staring at him through it with swollen, red eyes.

Killua pivoted his body around to face his brother eye to eye, his own seat belt cutting into his chest. The car was so dark, that only the lights of the dashboard illuminated the profile of his face. "This is the last time you will ever look into my eyes again. I promise you that."

"Killua." Kalluto's voice was weak. The backseat of the car was pitch black. Kalluto wanted the floor to open up and swallow him like an abyss.

They drove back home, the silence of the ride broken by the fragments of stinted conversations of Illumi instructing them what to do. Both boys listened. They'll clean their wounds before driving through the testing gates. They'll cover them up with jackets and long sleeve sweaters and lies. They'll pick out the gravel in between the creases of their shoes. They'll dry their tears. They'll only talk of movies and pirates and skittle stained tongues to their mom. They'll kiss her goodnight and tell her they love her. They'll go to bed and try to forget. They'll sleep through what's left of the night, though their minds won't let them. They'll wake up in the morning and forgive each other. They'll go on as they always have.

Killua didn't toss and turn as he slept that night. He didn't have nightmares or wake in cold sweats. As soon as the sun rose Killua knew what he wanted. He wanted to grow up. Out and away from here.

Meanwhile this is all happening in someone's neighborhood lmao

I hope you enjoyed the chapter! :) In the anime, from what we have seen, Killua and Kalluto never interacted with each other nor have we seen Killua refer to Kalluto either. Of course that does not mean there is bad blood between them, but this is my fic and peace was never an option! (lol jk) I feel like after Alluka was imprisoned and wiped from Killua's memory (not entirely ;D ) this would have been Kalluto's golden years spending time with his bro, but he still has lingering jealousy issues whenever Killua gets close to people. Hence, this friend of Killua will come up again :) I'm also interested in writing the moments that lead up to Killua running away, how his wants collide with those of his brothers who are content where they are and have no desire to change the way things are; Killua loves his family but is also building up feelings of anger and frustration. I hope I was able to convey that well! Poor Kalluto...my poor little murderous baby.

There were various things mentioned about Illumi, including the 'wellness break' he took while Killua was at Heaven's Arena. I've been sprinkling in bits where I can, Illumi's trauma is at the core of the story and hopefully something I can successfully accomplish writing. Everything will come to light soon, I'm just a slow writer who chose to write a long fic *cries* I'll continue on with the present timeline in the next chapter, i'm so sorry for the delay! Thank you for reading and let me know what you thought :D See you soon ❤