Let's just get right into it, a disgusting pile of hundreds of gross echidna eggs laid in a dark cold room. This is how most echidna were born, if they die, oh well. It was apparently safer this way, because it could keep them safe from predators. But that's bullshit. On the day the little echidnas were hatching, a maniac farmer drove in on his riding mower with the cutter on. The little echidnas were barely opening their eyes when the maniacal douchebag ran them over, the blades brutally decapitating them all. He chuckled, driving circles around the room, trying to hit every echidna. Suddenly, a small baby echidna punched the riding mower so hard that it shattered. The farmer echidna yelped as he fell off his tractor only to have both his legs brutally torn off. He screamed as he was dragged to the other surviving echidnas who feasted upon his flesh.
"OH SHIT, I FORGOT TO WATCH FARMER BROWN!" said an echidna guard, who worked at the mental asylum that was right next to the baby nursery. He saw the baby echidnas eating the farmer who howled in pain. He looked down at the one who punched the riding mower, lifting him up. The little echidna starred in defiance. "The chosen one." said the guard, in awe.
"Bring the child to me." said the buff macaw wizard, walking through the door. He grabbed the child and took him to King Pachacamac. The king looked down at the child. "Finally, a suitor who is worthy of my crown!" said King Pachacamac, taking out his whip, hitting his other son in the back. His son, another little echidna, fell to the floor and started crying. "YOU BITCH! I HATE YOU, KNUCKLES!" said Pachacamac, throwing a bottle of whiskey at his son. "IN FACT, YOU'RE NOT KNUCKLES ANYMORE! THIS BABY IS KNUCKLES! YOU WILL BE NAMED…" Pachacamac thought for a bit. He looked outside and saw a trebuchet. "Trebuchet, that will be your name, because like a trebuchet, you are gay." he said, kicking his son again.
"My king, what should be done with his family?" asked the wizard macaw. "Slaughter them, feed them to my pet velociraptors. Now, what proves that he is the warrior we look for?" asked the king. "He defeated Farmer Brown, the peasant who grew slide puzzles from the famed slide puzzle tree." "Hmm, no normal infant baby could beat the average slide puzzle farmer in a fight, especially Farmer Brown. It's great, now we can hire a new slide puzzle farmer. Farmer Brown was a dick."
"Sire, we must train little Knuckles to fight so he can find the six remaining emeralds. Then we can continue our battle against the forces of evil, like multi-tailed foxes and… just multi-tailed foxes." said the wizard. "Our genocide against the foxes will have to wait, we must train baby knuckles. Baby knuckles, beat up Trebuchet." said Pachacamac. Baby Knuckles leapt onto Trebuchet, beating him violently.
After this, they immediately locked Knuckles into a gym to train for the next ten years. He spent his time getting ripped and learning to fight. By the time he was ten, he was the strongest echidna in the kingdom. He learned to wield over 31 different weapons and learned 19 types of hand to hand combat, like poop form, dingleberry form, knuckle form, Outkast form, truck form, and pear form, among others. He also learned literature, science, math, and how to properly barbecue.
The boy had turned eighteen when the day had come for him to face his twelve labors. He was called into the palace courtroom where he kneeled, ready to accept his first challenge. "Mr Buff Oily Macaw, I am prepared for my first challenge." he said, hand on his chest, head down in respect.
"For your first task, you must defeat the monster who killed Captain Alex. His skin is stronger than any blade, and impossible for any conventional weapons to pierce. So I bestow you with a weapon based on your namesake." said the Macaw, hitting Knuckles with his wizard staff. Knuckles' fists grew two sharp knuckles on each hand. It was painful, the stretching and breaking of bones. But Knuckles remained stoic, hiding the fact that he shit himself from the pain.
Knuckles approached the cave of the beast and heard low growling erupt from it. Loud footsteps shook the cave walls as Knuckles raised his fists. Suddenly, a raging tyrannosaurus rex reared its head, roaring at Knuckles. The massive head knocked Knuckles into the wall and the sharp knuckles of knuckles knucked the dinosaur right in the eye. The dinosaur roared in pain as Knuckles attacked with a barrage of punches, knocking the beast back. The tyrannosaurus fell onto its back, roaring in rage, as Knuckles punched it in the chest, tearing its heart out.
Knuckles emerged from the cave wearing boots and gloves made from the skin of the beast, marching up to the buff oiled up macaw waiting for his next task. "Oh, well… go mow the lawn or something." said the wizard, motioning for knuckles to go away.
30 minutes later Knuckles returned. "Wizard, I need my next task," said Knuckles. "I don't know, go find the Loch Ness Monster." said Buff Macaw. Knuckles began his journey to Loch Ness, swimming across the ocean and running through the fields of Scotland. It took seven months for him to reach the edge of the lake and dipped his disgusting hairy toes in the water. He marched into the lake, swimming downwards.
He used his radar which had been trained by his echidna brothers. He felt around for fin movements, tail movements, currents changing from monster shit. He felt something moving in the water. It was right behind him, rapidly approaching. He turned ready to face the creature, but its massive head grabbed him, throwing him onto a rock. The monster raised its head out of the water. It resembled a plesiosaur, but it had fins on the side of its head, and spines running down its long neck. It opened its mouth and let out a loud roar, sounding like an elephant. It looked back down at him, ready to attack. Knuckles leapt onto the beast, punching it with the t-rex gloves. The Loch Ness monster threw him into a tree and the tree broke, landing on a family of five, crushing them all. Knuckles leapt up, punching the monster in the face, knocking it to the ground. Knuckles grabbed onto the creature, which swam around rapidly, trying to throw knuckles off.
Suddenly, missiles started firing into the lake, one hitting the monster. Blood gushed from the creature as it sank to the bottom, groaning. Knuckles swam down, using his strength, grabbed the beast, swimming to shore. He looked over and saw several drones firing missiles at him and the Loch Ness monster. He pulled out his shield, wrapping in T-Rex skin, deflecting the missiles from the monster. The monster's back started to glow blue as she lifted her head up, roaring at the drones. She let out a blue heat ray from her mouth, destroying the drones. She tried to waddle back to the lake, but she was tired. Knuckles said down next to her, putting his hand on her fin.
"They're gonna keep coming after you. You must come with me." he said, lifting her up over his head. He walked all the way back to the ocean then plopped her down. The saltwater gave her full power back, and the two of them swam back to Angel island.
"What the hell is that?" asked Buff Macaw. "This is the Loch Ness Monster, remember?" asked Knuckles. "Oh yeah, I forgot. Go take the mail out or something." said the buff macaw as the Loch Ness monster swam into the public swimming pool, eating a baby echidna.
Knuckles went to get the mail when he saw a disgusting bog witch dolphin stealing the mail straight out of the mailbox. "Identify yourself!" yelled Knuckles, taking out his spear. "I am Boomquifa the Bog Witch, and your mail is mine!" she said, shooting evil lightning at Knuckles. Knuckles blocked it with his t-rex shield and charged at the witch.
"TICK TICK TICK TICK MY PENIS SWINGS LIKE A GRANDFATHER CLOCK!" yelled the witch, spawning a motorcycle. She got on and drove off as Knuckles pursued her on foot. He threw his spear at her motorcycle, blowing it up. She flew off and slammed into a rock. The buff macaw wizard spawned in front of Boomquifa, pointing his staff at her. "This is my nemesis, Knuckles! If you defeat her and get my mail back, they will count for SIX labors!" yelled the wizard, teleporting away. Knuckles pulled out his sword and charged the witch.
He swung his sword but she deflected it with her witch claws. Sparks flew from the sword as Knuckles kicked the witch in the face. "Three day blinding stew!" she said, pulling out her water pistol. The stew hit Knuckles right in the eyes and everything went black. Knuckles started blindly swinging, but Boomquifa kept slashing at him. Then he stopped and listened. He heard the sound of the witch's gross feet hitting the ground getting closer and he heard the claws slashing his way. He grabbed her wrist, squeezing tight.
He brutally tore off her hand. The witch screamed in agony and Knuckles listened to punch the direction of the scream. The witch yelped as she was sent into a boulder. Knuckles leapt into the air and slammed his fist down. Red lightning sparked and hit Boomquifa, exploding her. "NO I'LL BE BACK AGAIN!" she yelped as little pieces of her went flying. Knuckles' strong body made the stew wear off and he gained his eyesight back. He pulled the mail from the mangled corpse.
Knuckles walked back, victorious. On the way, he saw the destruction the witch had caused to the town. He saw a bunch of echidnas trapped under rubble. He started pulling the rubble off of them. "This is no place to die, and dying to such a musty bitch would be terrible!" said Knuckles. He pulled up the last pile of rubble and a female echidna was underneath. "Are you alright, miss?" asked Knuckles, offering his hand to her. She grabbed his hand and stood up. "Yes, I'm alright, thank you. Wait, aren't you the prince?" "Yes. And you are?" asked Knuckles. "My name is Generic Female Echidna #831… that's the first time anyone ever asked me for my name because I'm so generic…" she said, looking down. Knuckles smiled. "I don't think you're generic, madam. In fact, not to be rash, but I would gladly drag my testicles through a field of broken glass just to get a whiff of your-"
"Knuckles! Get in here!" yelled Pachacamac, motioning for Knuckles to get inside. "I'll see you later." said Knuckles, waving to 831. "I hope so." said 831, watching Knuckles step into the capitol. "So, you've completed eight of your twelve labors, yes?" asked the king, twiddling his fingers. "Yes, soon I will complete my journey." said Knuckles. "Why were you talking to that peasant girl, Knuckles?" asked the king, his face turning angrier. "831? Why would I not talk to her? She's a person, just like the rest of us." said Knuckles. "Do you know why you have a name and she has a number? Because she's generic! YOU are a person, she is a people. A nobody. She doesn't matter. None of them do. When one dies another will take their place." said Pachacamac.
"That's not true! They built this kingdom!" said Knuckles. Pachacamac slapped Knuckles in the face. "Do not talk back to me! Now go do something else while I take out all my anger on Trebuchet!" said Pachacamac, walking towards Trebuchet's room. "You should stop hurting him, he's a good man." said Knuckles.
That night after a brutal beating, the now older Trebuchet tried to run out of the kingdom. Even though he was older than Knuckles, he was like 2'1. He climbed down from his room and landed right into the middle of a circle of creepy fish people. On the floor was a drawing of gay furry porn. Trebuchet leapt away from the circle and cowered in the corner of the room as the fish people chanted their evil goblin song.
"TICK TOCK TICK TOCK HER PENIS SWUNG LIKE A GRANDFATHER CLOCK! RAISE THE DEAD AND DECK THE HALLS, SLIT MY WRISTS AND SUCK MY BALLS! SEX, SEX, SEX!" they chanted over and over again. Suddenly the gay furry porn on the ground opened up into a portal and Boomquifa the bog witch came out of the ground. The witch came out, and the fish people got on their hands and knees. "WHO WILL BE THE FIRST TO GIVE ME MY RESSURECTION BLOWJ- Wait a minute," said Boomquifa pointing at Trebuchet who cowered in the corner like a bitch. "You're not supposed to be here." she said, licking her lips.
"Wait, please! Have mercy!" begged Trebuchet, pissing all over himself. "You have a big heart, Trebuchet. I'll buy it off of you." said Boomquifa. "R-really? For what?" asked Trebuchet. "I'll make you tall, buff, and powerful." said the witch, pointing her finger at Trebuchet. "Um… I don't know…" said Trebuchet, cowering.
"You can kill Knuckles. You'll become Knuckles again. Your father will have to love you again, he'll stop beating you." said the witch, putting her claw against Trebuchet's heart. "Well… I… deal." said Trebuchet. The witch violently sliced open Trebuchet and tore his heart out. "I'M EVIL NOW!" yelled Trebuchet as his heart was removed. Lightning flashed and his muscles began to form and his legs began to stretch. He even started to grow his own knuckles.
"You look nice, not to be gay." said one of the fish people. Trebuchet grabbed the fish, snapping his neck. "Yes, yes, go, my son! You are on the side of the evil guys now!" said Boomquifa, opening a portal to Evil World, walking through.
That night, Knuckles also snuck out. He sat on the roof with 831 staring out at his people, who were having an improvised orgy in the city streets. "I have everything, but It's all meaningless. I could jump down and get into that orgy right now and have sex with everyone there, but I would be empty. I could have anyone buy me a hot dog, but it wouldn't mean anything. But buying someone else a hot dog, that means something. I don't understand it, 831." said Knuckles. 831 put her gross echidna hand on Knuckles' hand. "Maybe it's because you're learning to be a hero." she said. "My father said that they give all our people numbers… but you're all meaningful, you are all that hot dog I buy for an old lady, or a starving child, or some random bald guy. Like you, you deserve a real name. You're special because I really want to have sex with you." said Knuckles, not hiding the fact that he was saying this to her specifically because he wanted to engage in sexual activity with her.
"Well, I've always wanted a name." she said, solemnly. "When I become king, I'll let everyone have names, that way they'll be forced to develop personalities, and I'll marry you so I can be with you without having to hide it." said Knuckles. "I think I want my name to be… Olga." she said, thinking that was a good name. "Uhh… yeah that's a good name." said Knuckles, lying his ass off. "What do YOU want, Knuckles?" asked Olga.
"I just want to live a life of peace. I spent my entire life training to fight, getting ready for the next war. I just want to live a normal life. And when I look at you I… I feel like it's attainable." said Knuckles, putting his hand on her cheek. She put her arms around him and they looked each other in the eyes. "When I finish my twelve labors… I'll become king. Then we can be whatever we want to be." he said to her.
So the two of them kept meeting in secret over the next year and a half as Knuckles completed his next three challenges and Knuckles kept helping the people of the kingdom, making them love him. Trebuchet kept training in secret, building up more muscle. One day, Knuckles, having completed eleven of the challenges, stepped up to the king. "It is time for my final challenge, father. What is it?" "You must lift the heaviest pumpkin in the pumpkin hill." said Pachacamac.
The entire kingdom gathered around the giant pumpkin which was more than a hundred times the size of even the loch ness monster herself. The echidnas danced around the pumpkin, preparing Knuckles. Knuckles approached, removing his gloves, exposing his gross fingers. He spread his arms apart and grabbed onto the pumpkin, trying to get under it. With all his might he lifted it up, using his chest to hold it while he tried to get it over his head. He lifted it over his head, closing his eyes as the weight of the massive pumpkin made his veins pop out. He gritted his teeth as sweat poured down from all over his body. His bones were quickly starting to hurt as his knees tried to buckle. The people surrounding him were worried as blood started to pour from his mouth.
Blood dripped from every pore of his body, sweat pooled down into a puddle, piss dripped down his leg. Piss was a sign of the weakness leaving your body, therefore the people cheered when Knuckles began pissing himself. Suddenly a bunch of terrorist asshole echidnas came out with swords, whips, and bats and began attacking Knuckles. They attacked Knuckles' kneecaps. The king ordered the people to not help Knuckles as the terrorists kept beating him. Knuckles knew he had to fight back as they kept stabbing him. He lifted the pumpkin with one hand and started to kick and punch with one hand. He had to switch arms, the weight of the pumpkin nearly killing him with every switch.
"TIME! KNUCKLES IS VICTORIOUS!" said the macaw. Knuckles dropped the pumpkin on top of the terrorists, killing them. A bunch of servants ran to Knuckles and began licking his wounds as another grabbed the knife to cut open the top of the pumpkin. "STOP!" said an evil voice from the crowd. "I CHALLENGE HIM FOR THE THRONE!" said the creepy voice, walking through the crowd. An echidna wearing a brown cloak stepped out of the shadows. "And who are you?" asked the king, pointing a knife. The creepy man ripped off his cloak, revealing himself to be none other than Trebuchet, now muscular and oiled up.
"Worse son! You've grown! You're big and buff! You might actually earn a chance to become king and become my favorite again!" said Pachacamac. Knuckles stood up, staring his brother down. "I accept. I only wonder how you became so powerful." said Knuckles. "I sold my heart to a witch to give me these fabulous secret powers." said Trebuchet, doing a zesty hand movement. "Your heart? That means you're evil now, doesn't it?" asked Knuckles, horrified. "YES! WATCH THIS!" said Trebuchet, kicking a car, sending it flying into a crowd of 1st graders. "MAN, FUCK YOU, TREBUCHET!" yelled the crowd, throwing trash at him. "I can't believe you would sell your heart for this…" said Knuckles, devastated.
"You both shall battle in 3 days." said the macaw wizard, pointing at the brothers. So the time was set, and Knuckles began training. He knew he had to stop his evil brother. He would punch mountains until blood poured from his knuckles, he would lift entire buildings, he would eat an entire sloth every night. This was all on his first day, but then war broke out. The echidna tribe went to war with the country of Sonicshomecountry, and now Knuckles was worried about the safety of his people, as well as the citizens of Sonicshomecountry. He knew his soldiers were capturing some Sonicshomecountrian soldiers to use as slaves, and he wouldn't stand for it.
On the day of his battle, he saw a bunch of Sonicshomecountrian soldiers lined up. He promised to free them after he became king. He sat alone in his room, meditating to himself. He thought about his life and everything that led him up to this point. He heard a knock at his door and Olga walked in. "My love… are you ready?" asked Olga. "Yes, angel." said Knuckles, standing up. "Maybe after today you'll not need to fight anymore," said Olga. She put her hand on his cheek. "If I win, we'll get married, I'll stop the war, and we'll live in peace." he said, putting his arm around her waist. "You will be the greatest king in all of history." she said, closing her eyes, leaning her head against his chest. "I promise, nothing bad will happen to you, 831." said Knuckles, patting her on the head.
The fight was a blur. Knuckles didn't wanna think, he just wanted to stop his maniac brother. He couldn't let anyone else get hurt. It was painful and he eventually collapsed. His vision was blurry as he saw a blue hedgehog and a yellow fox carry him away to the medical room. He was a bit more victorious in the second round. He beat his brother, but it was still very difficult. The two of them were very clearly evenly matched. They were both exhausted by the time the final round arrived.
Knuckles won the final round, but he didn't want to kill his brother. Of course, he let him live and was given the fabulous secret powers he rightfully earned. Trebuchet had his cock sliced off, and he screamed in agony as he fell to the ground. Knuckles couldn't help but feel pity for Trebuchet. He was just misguided, but this had to happen. He was so exhausted from the fight that he didn't notice Olga being attacked by Trebuchet. He looked up and saw Olga screaming in terror as the penis-less monster approached her with a knife. Suddenly, lightning shot out of the hand of the blue hedgehog, striking Trebuchet, knocking him to the ground.
This hedgehog, the mouse, and their bisexual little fox friend saved Olga, his fiance. He was indebted to them, so of course, he invited them to his wedding, which was 30 minutes after the brutal fight.
He looked into Olga's eyes, thinking about how violently they would have sex that night. As their tongues approached each other to french kiss, the alarm suddenly went off. Somebody was stealing the chaos emeralds. Knuckles was enraged that someone would take advantage of his wedding. His blood boiled as he looked down at his wife.
"I'll be back in a bit, my love." he said, running off. Him and a squad of echidna booty warriors ran through the temple, looking for the emeralds. The mouse in the wheelchair was rolling away with the emeralds on his lap. Knuckles raced after him, when suddenly gas went into his nose. "Take that, motherfucker!" yelled the mouse, as Knuckles collapsed.
Everything went black as Knuckles tried to move. He kept running, just swinging into the darkness.
Suddenly he heard a bunch of loud screams coming from the wedding. He followed the screams and the crunching. He punched the door open as he started to get his eyesight back. With his poor eyesight, he saw a blue figure ripping apart an echidna in a white dress. "OLGA! NO!" yelled Knuckles. He leapt towards the blue figure, who dodged and ran off into the shadows. He looked down at his wife as his eyesight was fully restored. "Olga…" he said, lifting up the bleeding echidna. "M-my love, he shattered my fucking ribs…" "The hedgehog will pay for this!" growled Knuckles. "You have been deceived!" said Olga, vomiting blood all over Knuckles' crotch. "I know, I know. I was blind to let them do this to you…" "No, I mean-" Suddenly, Trebuchet came in, stomping on Olga's head. "Sonic did this to her, you have to get your get-back." said Trebuchet, having scrubbed all the blue paint from his fur.
Knuckles looked up, his mouth still covered in Olga's vomit and blood. "You're right. I have to kill Sonic." he ran out the door, as Sonic escaped on a helicopter. "HEDGEHOG! YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS!" he screamed to the sky.
As the helicopter disappeared from view, Knuckles turned away, in his sadness. He walked back up the pumpkin hills until he found the pumpkin. The other echidnas followed him, carrying the red spaghetti sauce that was once their queen for about five minutes. Knuckles went up to the pumpkin, ripping the top off of it. He jumped in, sinking into the pumpkin guts. The other echidnas threw the corpse onto the ground and put the top back onto the pumpkin, sealing Knuckles inside. Knuckles closed his eyes as he sunk into the pumpkin guts.
Knuckles awoke in a grapeyard, going as far as the eyes could see. He saw a group of echidnas walking through the fields. He ran towards them, and as he got closer he saw it was his parents, taking Knuckles' egg to the nursery. "They were grape farmers…" said Knuckles, watching his parents walk through the fields. He blinked and it was another day. His parents were in the fields, picking grapes, holding him. Suddenly the king's guard came into the vineyard and began beating his parents to death. "OH KNUCK!" yelled Knuckles' mom. Knuckles watched as his younger self kicked and screamed as his parents were hacked into pieces.
The entire world turned gray and furry, as the pumpkin rotted. Knuckles' eyes sprung open as he felt the red power course through his veins. The pumpkin rotted into nothing as the echidna tribe cheered. Knuckles bashed his fists together, sparking red lighting from them.
"Your king has arrived!" yelled the buff macaw priest. Knuckles stood up, pumpkin guts still dripping from him. He walked over to the armory and grabbed as many weapons as he could carry. He stuffed them up his ass then grabbed the sacred kingly boots, the ones with the silver legos on top of them. "I will hunt down the murderer of your queen, then I shall return. Have an orgy or something while I'm gone, keep yourselves busy." said Knuckles. The echidna all rang out in celebration then began having violent sex throughout the kingdom.
Knuckles went to the swimming pool, where the Loch Ness Monster was wearing a saddle, ready to swim to the mainland. Knuckles got onto her back, grabbing the bridle as she flopped to the river. She swam until they reached the waterfall, falling off the floating island into the sea.
Knuckles rode to the mainland, staring into the distance, not blinking the entire time. As he and the loch ness monster made contact with the beach, Knuckles knew that he wouldn't step foot in his home until he knew the truth of who killed his wife with her disgusting ass name.