"John." Lin's voice was quiet, almost distant. John blinked his eyes open as he felt the book slip from his tired fingers. There was no accompanying thud, and as he focused, he saw Lin straightening up with the closed novel in his hand. He marked the page and set it down on the window seat by his legs before leaning down with a soft look. "You shouldn't fall asleep here." He was affectionate, running a gentle hand through his curled locks.

"What time is it?" John asked sleepily, seeing that it was dark out. The park was only just visible in the orange glow of the streetlights. The distant play area stood empty, not even a dog walker enjoying the peaceful evening. As usual, the streets themselves were deserted. Not a single car drove by as his gaze lingered. Lin joined him in admiring the darkness for a moment before leaning down and kissing his pale cheek.

"It's almost eleven." That wasn't too late. They would usually go to bed at around midnight, at least John would. Lin would sometimes stay up in his office to catch up on work he'd missed. Luckily, Naru was also enduring his heat, so they would both be behind. John's heat had actually ended a day ago, but his body had been ravished, and they were both content in the quiet apartment. He could have gone home that day, but neither of them had mentioned it.

"What are you doing?" John stiffened as Lin leaned over the edge of his seat and reached for him. John was dressed in his black sweatpants and the pale blue top Lin had bought him, the material hanging loosely on his slim frame. He was still underweight. He clutched his hands to his chest, a light pink dusting his pale cheeks at their closeness.

"Carrying you to bed," Lin replied smugly as he slipped one arm beneath John's knees and the other behind his small shoulders. He was light as a feather as he hefted him against his chest. John's hand bunched in his crisp shirt. He was dressed in his usual office attire, despite not leaving the house. He generally found it easier to focus when dressed properly for a task, and he'd been in his office for the past few hours.

"I'm not a princess, I can walk…" John murmured, though secretly he was brimming with pleasure as he curled further into his alpha's chest. Lin pretended he didn't notice, though he did allow his own contentment to filter out through their bond. He was a little more practised than John at controlling what he let slip. Right now, John let his emotions flood the bond freely, having no control over what he did and didn't share. He'd learn eventually. Lin was almost sad that day would come. He liked John's honest purity.

"What made you so happy?" Lin asked as he felt John's heart flood with contentment, feet twitching the way they did when he was reading a good book. John smiled, cheeks still flushed and warm as he found himself placed gently on Lin's bed. He looked up from his space against the plump pillows, turning on his side to gaze up at him.

"You're thinking about me." Lin tilted his head in confusion. Of course I'm thinking about you…I always think about you. The honest thought filtered through their bone and he watched John curl up a little more, looking stupidly happy. Lin's lips softened into a smile of his own as he sat on the edge of the bed, one knee resting beneath him on the mattress. John took one of his hands and held it gently, content as he closed his eyes.

"You shouldn't fall asleep on top of the duvet…" Lin heard a small hum of agreement, though John made no move to do anything about it. "I won't be held responsible if you catch a cold." He received another hum of agreement. If you get sick, I won't let you go home. He wondered why he didn't say the words aloud. He looked down at John's peaceful face, raising his free hand to stroke the curled blonde locks that fell across his closed eyes. His breathing had levelled out, slow breaths making his chest rise and fall. The grip on his hand slowly eased off, and Lin could finally pull himself free.

He was quiet as he got to his feet to grab the grey fleece blanket from the heat room. All the clothes and sheets were clean and fresh, ready for next month. He was gentle as he tossed the light material over John's peaceful form and tucked him in. He was almost startled as he raised his eyes to see Gene staring at him from the black frame, as if he'd forgotten he was there. It almost felt strange to have a third presence observing this tender display.

Gene almost looked happy as he stared out at them. Don't say it. Lin sighed, averting his eyes. He couldn't help it as Gene's voice seeped into his mind. This is how it should be…I'm not there anymore. You don't need to think about me all the time. Something inside Lin broke as he realised he hadn't been thinking about him. Over the past few weeks, his thoughts had been filled with nothing but John. He'd worried about his health, they'd fully mated, and his heat had been and gone. For the past few days, he hadn't even looked at the old picture, noticed which cups he was using, or even which books John was reading.

He circled the bed slowly and sat down on what had become his side, feeling numb as he lifted the picture from the place it had dominated for so long. He closed his eyes as he ran through the memories. The light touch of Gene's hand, the deep scent that clashed so badly with his own, the burn of his fingernails, the sharp bite of his teeth, the softness of his lips, the gentle light in his eyes. He gripped the picture tightly, crushing it to his chest protectively. I won't forget it! I won't!

He didn't want to see it. He didn't want to acknowledge it. He didn't want to realise. The scent he'd once remembered so clearly was growing distorted, fading to something more distant that he sometimes had trouble recalling. The warm touch he'd so often felt ghosting across his skin was slowly being swept away by a new touch. When he thought of Gene's sharp teeth on his skin, the pain was much duller. The burn of Gene's nails was less intense than it had once been. More and more often, Gene's voice sounded like Naru, or sometimes John, the exact tone and pitch lost and eroded by time. I won't forget. Lin's eyes snapped open as he felt gentle hands caressing his cheeks.

He forgot to breathe as brown met blue. For an instant he thought it was Gene, then John's sweet scent washed over him, bringing him back to the present. He felt a sickening wave of guilt as he lowered his head, holding his breath against the rising tide in his chest. John raised his face with gentle hands, his expression soft and earnest. He didn't say a word as he leaned in and pressed their foreheads together. I'm here. Lin wasn't sure why, but it felt like a floodgate had opened. He couldn't stop it as his bottom lip quivered and hot tears slid down his cheeks in warm rivulets.

He'd never let anyone see it before. The crushing vulnerability. The pain. The helplessness. The pure grief. He'd always done his best to hide his true feelings. Naru had needed him to. He'd needed him to be the strong, older brother that he could cling to. Lin had never had anyone he could show this side to. He'd never been able to share his pain and receive comfort. John took the picture before it fell, replacing it carefully on the dresser before climbing onto Lin's lap, straddling his hips with the blanket still wrapped over his small shoulders. Lin's hands were almost limp on his thighs as he sobbed against his chest.

"I'm here…It's alright…" John tucked Lin's face into the crook of his shoulder and stroked his hair. Lin breathed their mingled scents, unable to stop the tears from falling. John embraced him warmly, accepting the broken, grief-stricken side of him without a word or thought of resentment. He could feel the raw pain of loss cutting like a knife in his chest. It was a horrible feeling. John had lost people before, so he understood the feeling of loss. Grief took time, and he knew Lin hadn't truly allowed himself to grieve Gene yet.

"I'm sorry." He knew how John felt about his feelings for Gene. John shook his head quietly as he caressed his quivering spine. He wasn't resentful. He understood. He accepted. He cared. Their bond had brought with it a new sense of clarity and understanding. Lin wrapped his arms around his omega and kissed their mating mark. He felt John shiver and moved his lips more urgently, nipping and licking the sensitive skin. I need…I need…He felt a hand on his neck, stilling his movements. This isn't the comfort you need. John's caress stopped him from taking things any further. You need to cry…

Lin had no idea how long they were like that. He could feel John's increasing discomfort, his knees objecting to their bent position, but he made no effort to move. He remained as he was, rubbing circles on his spine and caressing his ebony locks. Lin's eyes were itchy and sore, his throat tight and sore, his mouth dry. His chest hurt as he coughed, choking on hoarse sobs. He couldn't remember the last time he'd fallen apart like this. Maybe he never had.

"Will you tell me about him?" John asked quietly as Lin seemed to calm in his arms. He felt Lin stiffen slightly. "I want to know…" John felt vulnerable, but knew it would help Lin to talk about it. Lin swallowed and averted his eyes, unsure John would truly feel comfortable hearing about it. Especially when you consider how much younger he was…He'd never considered himself to be a pervert, but that wasn't the case with others. Particularly those in Western cultures.

"Gene was…very kind." He spoke quietly as he slowly lifted John into his arms and turned their bodies to lie on the bed. They were on their sides, facing each other. John's blonde head was resting in the crook of his elbow on the pillow. They linked their fingers, palms pressed together. John's knees were grateful for the change in position, a sharp ache running through the joints. "You have that in common." John listened patiently as Lin confessed all. He started with Gene's confession, and the way he'd firmly rejected the young alpha, how he'd been horrified by the very idea of loving him in that way. Then he'd been caught.