Chapter Fourteen: Doctor or Mother

"Are you serious?" Stephen had been stuck in his thoughts for the past ten minutes, trying to comprehend what his best friend just confided in him. They were at the golf course this Sunday morning enjoying a few rounds, neither Stephen or Fitz were big church goers, but the entire time Stephen could tell Fitz's mind was elsewhere. He was off his game. Stephen had never beaten Fitz in a game of golf, and although he still didn't win this time, he was close to.

It wasn't until they took a break for a quick drink at the club bar, that Fits confided in Stephen was bothering him. Stephen was more than surprised, that wasn't at all what he was expecting. Olivia was pregnant? And Fitz was the father? What the hell?

Stephen could tell his friend was still trying to comprehend all this, so he tried to calm himself for Fitz's sake. "How? I mean I know how but… Damn, she's pregnant? What are you gonna do?"

"I have no fucking clue." Fitz answered honestly. Olivia had only told him she was pregnant just yesterday, he still hadn't enough time to wrap his head around things. "She has a doctor's appointment tomorrow and I told her I'd be there."

"So she's keeping it?"

"Of course she is." Fitz looked at Stephen like he had two heads. "Why wouldn't she?"

"I don't know man. This is all just complicated, I mean you're not together anymore for one-"

"That doesn't matter. She's pregnant with my baby, an abortion isn't even a suggestion."

Stephen nodded. "Alright."

"It might not even matter anyway."

"Why do you say that?"

"Olivia's been pregnant five times before, and each time we got the same outcome. No baby. There's no reason to believe this time will be any different."

"Come on man, don't say stuff like that. You need to stay positive. You can't even let those types of negative thoughts creep in your head. You said Liv has an appointment tomorrow, just discuss all your concerns with her doctor then. What are they saying anyway?"

"Olivia says their optimistic. More than likely, they're trying to perform a cerclage on her, but it's done around week fourteen. Liv's only twelve weeks along. She only been fourteen weeks one time before, the rest didn't make it past week twelve. And the last one… She was only eight weeks along." Fitz sour chuckled. "We didn't even know she was pregnant. She lost it sitting on the toilet."

"Geez."

"Yeah. The doctors may be optimistic, but I'm not there yet. They can be as optimistic as they want, but that's not science."

Stephen sighed. "I feel where you're coming from, but I think you should keep your thoughts to yourself. Especially don't share them with Olivia. I'm sure she's felt this way at least once in these past twelve weeks. I'm sure she's more than worried about miscarrying again, and you don't need to put that back in her head. It ain't right."

"I know. And I won't."

"Alright. And because I haven't said it before, congrats man." Stephen lifted his beer in toast to Fitz's.

"Thanks. Oh and by the way, I don't think she's telling people yet so don't mention it to anyone. I only told you, because apparently, Quinn knows and knew before me. I figured if Olivia gets to confide in someone, so should I. But I mean it Stephen, don't tell anyone, especially that nosey, loud mouth wife of yours."

"You know I'd be upset if that wasn't true." Stephen laughed. "But your wife can be pretty nosey and loud herself."

"She's not my wife."

"Could've fooled me."

X

"Alright Chunky monkey. It is thirty minutes passed your nap time, why are you still awake?" Olivia was laying sideways on her bed, watching Soph shove the head of her giraffe teether into her mouth. She'd been laying on her back, with her big toe in her mouth, before they giraffe caught her attention. They been home from church for about an hour now, and Olivia had long since discarded them both from their church attire. Sophia was only wearing a diaper now, but she had been extra cute this morning in an ivory dress with a crimson red band and rose around the waist and flower pedals around the bottom hem. She had on the signature ruffled socks and flats with two little puffs in her head. When Sophia was born, she had almost a head full of hair. Now, most of it had rubbed off in the back and all was left was the hair on the top of her head. But she was still stinking cute.

Olivia had already given her a snack and a bottle, and was trying to coax her to take a nap, but she was being stubborn as usual. 'Mommy finger' played in the background on the TV, but Sophia had lost interest in it.

"What you talking about monkey?" Olivia poked Sophia's potbelly, making her smile. She was babbling on and on, still chewing on her giraffe. "You know honey, mommy's got something she needs to talk to you about. How do you feel about being a big sister?" Olivia asked, as if Sophia cold answer back. "I need to know, because mommy has a baby in her belly. It's gonna be your new little brother or sister." Sophia yelled some more babble out.

"That's right baby. You're not going to be mommy's only baby anymore." Olivia swore she saw Soph frown. "But don't worry, you'll always be mommy's baby girl, no matter how big you get or how many babies mommy has or adopts. But these next few months are going to be really hard for mommy, because I have to be extra careful and take care of myself so I can make sure your brother or sister is born healthy and not too early." Olivia smooth Soph's hair down in the front, but the second she moved her hand away, her curls sprang back up. "So I need you to be a good girl for mommy. And I need you to be patient with me too. I may not always feel my best and I won't always be 100 percent, but it's just you and I here, so you have to bare with me. You think you can do that?" Olivia nodded.

Sophia nodded her head, but she was only mimicking Olivia's head nod, wiping her eyes as she did. She crawled over to her mother, snuggling deep into her side. Olivia sat up with Soph in her arms, rubbing her back and gently swaying side to side.

"We didn't get off to the best of starts Soph, because mommy was still trying learning how to be a good mommy to you. But eventually we figured it out didn't we. But now, we're going to do it all over again. But you don't have to worry about anything but being a good big sister and you just let mommy worry about everything else alright."

Sophia's breathing had evened out, but the hold she still had on Olivia's shirt was still tight. Olivia knew she was sleeping, but continued to hold and rock her in her arms.

X

The next day at around one thirty, Olivia and Fitz at the doctor's office, waiting for her doctor to come back. They'd had a cancellation earlier that day, so they could take Olivia back earlier. Olivia had already gone through the little examinations before you're sent to a room. She was glad to get a good report of health and to know she'd gained another two pounds since the last time she'd been in the office.

Now, she lay in her gown, waiting for the doctor to come back. Fitz was standing off in the corner of the room, he'd been quiet ever since he met Olivia at the office. She understood his demeanor, but that didn't mean she appreciated it. He'd been a bit cold and distant ever since he laid eyes on her, and although she tried to not let it get it her, it was. Olivia understood this was a lot to take in right now, but he wasn't the only one this was happening too. It wasn't just about him. She really needed him to get out his feels about all this.

It was about five minutes later, when her doctor came through the door.

"Hello Olivia." Dr. Milroy was in her signature good mood. Olivia had never seen the woman frown or unhappy, except when she was delivering bad news. So to see her smiling bright and in a good mood, settled Olivia.

"Hey Dr. Milroy." Olivia smiled.

"How are we feeling today?"

"I feel great. The morning sickness has turned into an all-day sickness that keeps me up half the night with my head in the toilet, but other than that I'm feeling okay."

"Any unusual or severe pains?"

"Nope."

Fitz had yet to be noticed, and it didn't look like Olivia was in any hurry to make his presence known, so he did. He moved around a bit, making noise, to be se seen.

"Oh, hello, I didn't even see you there." Dr. Milroy turned to Fitz.

"Dr. Milroy you remember Fitz right."

"Your husband yes." Dr. Milroy reached out for a handshake. She was under the impression that Olivia had since split form her husband. When Olivia told her she'd gotten pregnant from a 'one-time thing-, She didn't realize the one-time thing was her ex-husband. "It's great to see you again, you feel like a stranger again."

"I could say the same."

"So Olivia, twelve weeks and everything looks great so far. But I am a little worried about your blood pressure, it's slightly elevated, so we need to keep an eye on that. Just make sure you're following a healthy diet, try to avoid high sodium foods, avoid stress and light workouts. It's not at an alarming rate right now, but we don't want it to get there."

"Okay."

"Other than that, and you're high HCG levels, everything was okay."

"My H what?" Olivia asked. Olivia may have been a doctor herself, but she specialized in the psyche, not obstetrics.

"Your HCG levels, it's uh Human Chorionic Gonadotrophin Hormone. It was about thirty percent higher than average, but it's nothing to be alarmed about. Let's just get on with the ultrasound shall we."

Fitz hadn't spoken another word yet, since greeting the doctor, but he did move closer to the screen when she began the ultrasound. Fitz was a doctor himself, in specific he was a double board certified OB/GYN, subspecializing in maternal-fetal medicine/fetal surgery, so he knew how to look at an ultrasound and understand what he was looking for and at. He spotted the baby immediately, but at twelve weeks, anyone should be able to spot the baby on an ultrasound.

Fitz didn't know what to feel, when he saw the baby on the ultrasound. His baby…his baby with Olivia. He was still trying to wrap his mind about that detail. Coming into this appointment, for some reason, Fitz was thinking this was all a mistake. Thank somehow Olivia and her doctor had been wrong. That she wasn't pregnant, and this had all been some kind of dream. Fitz hated that he felt that way, especially talking about his child, but he couldn't help it.

Fitz looked down to Olivia, her eyes were glued to the screen, not paying him any attention. She was smiling widely, already the proud mother. Fitz wanted to be happy, to be as excited as Olivia seemed to be, but he'd made that mistake too many times in the past. He just could bring himself to get excited about this pregnancy. There were just too many factors against them right now.

Something on the ultrasound caught Fitz's attention. "What is that?" He asked. He hadn't meant to say it out loud and worry Olivia, but he had and she was. Her face had quickly gone from elation to concern in a matter of seconds. Fitz eyed the doctor, and he knew she saw it as well.

Olivia looked back and forth from her doctor, to Fitz, to the ultrasound and back again, trying to figure out what the problem was. "What? What is it? What's wrong?" Olivia's heart had begun to beat faster, and she was second away from panicking.

"Let me just check something." Dr. Milroy moved the transducer around Olivia's belly, almost to her side. She pushed a few more buttons and seemed to be zooming in. She had this look on her face that was a mix of concern, shock and happy. Olivia couldn't read her.

"Will you just tell me what's wrong?" Olivia looked over to Fitz, who's expression was almost mirrored to Dr. Milroy's. "Is there something wrong with the baby?" Olivia asked, as the tears began to fall from her face. Not again. She'd only just began to get excited about this pregnancy. She couldn't go through another miscarriage, not now. Neither Dr. Milroy, nor Fitz had answered any one of Olivia's questions. But moment later, a sound filled the room, mixing with her cries and sniffles. It was comforting, it was her baby's heartbeat. Olivia relaxed slightly, but realized that something was off about it. It didn't sound like that heartbeat she's heard at her last ultrasound. There was something off about it, it sound irregular.

"Um, I'm no expert or anything." Olivia said. "But that sounds off-"

"It's two heartbeats Olivia." Fitz finally informed Olivia. But his tone and folded arm posture was throwing Olivia off. Two heartbeats? That meant two babies.

Olivia looked over to the ultrasound and could now clearly see another fetus and heartbeat on the screen.

"Oh my God."

"It explains your high than normal HCG levels. And it appears they're in the same amniotic sac sharing the same placenta." Dr. Milroy announced.

"That means they're identical right?"

"Yes."

"How did this not show up on the last ultrasounds?"

"Well the second fetus already looks considerably smaller than the other. It could've just been hiding behind the bigger one."

"But the heartbeats? I… we only heard one last time."

Dr. Milroy shrugged. "They could've been beating at the same time."

Olivia made a face. "That sounds made up."

"It does, and it sounds like that couldn't happen, but it can. It's rare, and with advances in technology it's getting harder and harder to misdiagnose a multiple pregnancy, but it can still happen."

"Oh my God! We're having twins!" Dr. Milroy's and Fitz's sour faces were still throwing Olivia for a loop. They were having twins! This was something exciting, not sober. Why did both her doctor and Fitz look as if this were the worst news in the world? Instead of one baby, they were being blessed with two. She couldn't be the only one realizing the magic of it all.

"Two!" Olivia exclaimed. "I was perfectly happy with one baby, but two? This is amazing." Olivia was too thrilled, to notice the worried look Dr. Milroy wore.

"Olivia." She placed her hand on Liv's knee. "Why don't I let you get dressed and we discuss this in my office.

Olivia nodded. "Okay. Could I get another ultrasound picture?"

"Of course."

After Dr. Milroy closed the door, Olivia began to get dressed. She was still on cloud nine, and she wouldn't let Fitz's mood change hers.

"Can you believe it Fitz? After all time of trying to have a baby together and we make twins?"

Fitz hated to be this way. He hated to be so negative about everything, but he just couldn't find it in himself to be any other way. "I'll meet you in the office." Fitz abruptly left, leaving Olivia alone in the exam room.

X

After Olivia had redressed in her simple cotton dress, she hadn't felt like getting dolled up that morning; but she still looked great with no make-up and in a simple cotton dress and sandals. She made her way to Dr. Milroy's office, still in such a good mood. But by the looks on Dr. Milroy and Fitz's face, she had a feeling her good mood was about to get ruined.

"So does anyone want to share with me why this isn't good news?" Olivia sat down in the seat in front of the desk and next to Fitz. "Look I know with me carrying multiples is going to be harder, but I can do this."

Fitz scoffed. "You don't get it Olivia."

"What don't I get Fitz?" Olivia asked, but he never answered.

"Listen Olivia." Dr. Milroy started. "Your pregnancy is already considered a high risk pregnancy because of your cervical insufficiency. Now with a singleton pregnancy it is much more manageable, and the risks are considerable lower."

"I know that. But this is no longer a singleton pregnancy. I'm having twins, can't we just adjust our plans to suit a multiple pregnancy?"

"It's not that simple Olivia. You see with you carrying two babies, as they grow and get bigger, they are going to add so much more weight on your cervix than a single baby would. And because of that, your chances of miscarrying both fetuses are greatly increased."

"So… so what happens now?" This was not what Olivia wanted to hear. This wasn't what any expectant mother would want to hear. She just found out she was having twins, she was supposed to be excited. Olivia looked over to Fitz, who had yet to say a word, and he gave a slight nod to Dr. Milroy for her to continue.

"Multifetal pregnancy reduction."

"Reduction?" Olivia did not like the sound of that.

"It's also known as selective termination-"

"I think you need to stop talking now." Olivia cut her off, she didn't even want her to finish whatever she was about to say.

"Olivia I think you need to hear this-"

"No, I don't."

"Olivia, just hear me out. Please." When Olivia didn't say anything else, Dr. Milroy continued. "MFPR is a procedure used to reduce the number of fetuses in a multiple pregnancy." Olivia was already shaking her head 'no', but Dr. Milroy continued. "It's usually done in pregnancies with four or more fetuses, but it has been done to reduce a twin pregnancy to a singleton."

"No."

"Olivia the main goal of this procedure is to increase the chance of a successful and healthy pregnancy which is something we want. I know this is a tough decision, but it's something you need to consider."

"There is nothing to consider. I'm not doing it."

"Then what happens when you lose both of them because you were stubborn?" Olivia's face shock so quick to Fitz's she almost gave herself whiplash.

"What did you just say to me?"

Fitz repeated himself. "I said. What happens when you lose them both because you were stubborn as usual."

"Stubborn? That's what you think I'm doing right now, being stubborn?" Olivia couldn't believe the shit coming out his mouth right now. "She's telling me to kill one of my babies, our babies, and you're agreeing with her?"

"I understand where she's coming from and I'm putting it into consideration."

"Well you know what, when you get pregnant then you can put it into consideration. Until then, this is my body and I. Said. No!"

"Come on Olivia." Fitz was speaking louder now, but not loud enough to be considered yelling. Olivia couldn't believe him right now. She knew he wasn't happy about her pregnancy, but she didn't think he would be so adamant about killing one of their babies. "You're thinking like a patient and mother right now."

"Because that's what I am."

"You need to think like a doctor and understand where we're coming from right now. Olivia you know it's too much of a risk to try and keep them both. Judging by that ultrasound, it already looks like you have TTTS."

TTTS, or Twin to twin transfusion syndrome is a disease of the placenta (or afterbirth) that affects identical twin pregnancies. In Layman terms, it means one twin is getting more nutrients from the shared placenta than the other twin.

Olivia had started crying again. She felt like she was being attacked and gained up on with no one on her side. Dr. Milroy felt awful for ever bringing it up, but she knew she had to. It was in the best interest of her patient to have all the facts.

"Why are you doing this?"

Fitz hated seeing her this upset, but he didn't relent. "Olivia I'm not trying to upset you, I just want you to make the smart and better decision here as both a doctor and a mother."

"I am being a mother. I'm being a mother, thinking about both of her children."

"No, you're being selfish and greedy."

Olivia damn near lost her mind when he said that. "Greedy?! You think a mother not choosing between her children which one lives and dies is greedy? I am being a mother, a damn good mother right now. What kind of father are you being? So ready to agree to this? Not having any faith that you could see both of your kids one day."

"Your best bet right now is a cerclage and eventually reduction amniocentesis. You never made it to fourteen weeks before, in order to have the cerclage. With twins the risk is doubled and not only for the babies but for the mother as well. I'm just being realistic Olivia. We can't all live in your world of faith and hope and fairytales."

Olivia shook her head. Hot tears and snot ran down her face, but she couldn't care less right now. Fitz was showing her a different side of him today, and she did not like what she saw. "Do you know how long I've waited for a child? Even before I met you, I have always wanted to be a mother. I didn't really care how it happened, just as long as it did. Then I met you, and my dreams became our dreams. Then years of miscarriage after miscarriage, and then our divorce. I thought my dream was gone. Then God blessed me with Sophia. She's the light of my life, I love her so much. And now, God has blessed me again with two more... This is a miracle Fitz. After everything we've been through Fitz, how could you ask me to do this?"

Fitz sighed. "Liv, it could kill you."

"And it would also kill me to kill one of my children. Fitz these aren't just some beating hearts in here. They have arms and legs and ears and eyes. They're babies. How are you comfortable asking me to do this? I have to know. Fitz, these aren't just mine, they're yours too. You've wanted this for so long, and we are so close to having what we've always wanted. Don't give up on me now. Don't give up on them. Please."

Fitz leaned over in his chair, turned towards Olivia. He held her hands in his, looking her directly in the eyes as he spoke. "Livvie, do you not understand that you could die. Not only you, but the children you carry, both of them will be gone. I don't want to lose you Olivia." Olivia didn't respond, she couldn't. "Liv what about Sophia? Huh? What if something happens to you? Okay, you have to think about the daughter you already have. You can't make her an orphan for the second time in her life."

"Sophia has four mommies. Quinn and Abby and Erika and her grandmother will make sure she is well taken cared for."

"You're speaking like you already plan on something happening to you."

"Fitz I don't want to talk about this anymore. You can keep speaking til you're blue in the face, but I won't change my mind. I'm not doing it."

"Oliv-"

"I. Said. No." Olivia spoke between her clenched teeth. She was tired of this conversation all together. It was pointless, because she wasn't changing her mind, nor would she ever.

"One day, I want to be able to tell our kids that I did everything to save their lives. To make sure they were brought into this world healthy and okay. That I sacrificed everything for them, because I already loved them so much before they were even born. And even if I'm not here to tell them for myself, someone else will. At least they'll know, that they had a mother who sacrificed for them, did everything she could for them. Will you be able to tell them the same Fitz?"

Fitz didn't have a response to that. He didn't have anything else to say, and Olivia was grateful. She released his hands, wiping her face with a tissue. She reached to the ground picked up her purse and tossed it over her shoulder. Before she walked out, she turned to a still silent Dr. Milroy, "You are my doctor. You do whatever I want, and I want my children. Both of them. I will carry these babies as long as I can and I will delivery two babies. So I need you to find some way, some procedure, pill, or miracle breakthrough in order to make that happen. Because this is the last time we will ever discuss reduction or terminating any one of my babies."

X

So again, I am not a doctor, just some more online research and from personal experience with my sister and her multiples pregnancy. Her situation wasn't the exact same, but it was similar to Olivia's. So what do you think? Olivia is confident she'll be able to deliver two healthy babies, but Fitz isn't so convinced. Who do you agree with?

(^_^)