Like always, any comments or criticisms are very much appreciated. Enjoy!

Title: I'm the Hero of the Story (Don't Need to be Saved)

Summary: The plan was easy and simple: Kidnap vapid billionaire Bruce Wayne to use as leverage against his boyfriend Tony Stark.

Easy and simple ended up not being part of the plan, leaving them to deal with a whiny man too stupid to realize his life was in danger and ending up in the middle of a couple quarrel. At least they were going to be compensated for their trouble. Or not.

Warnings: A lot of swearing, minor injuries and threats.

Disclaimer: I don't owe The Dark Knight trilogy, Iron Man or any of its characters. Sadly.

OoOoO

"Sir. You have an incoming call from a blocked number."

Tony didn't look away from the hood of his black and silver Mercury Coupe. "You know what to do, buddy. And don't you dare turn my music off again. Please."

"I apologize, sir, but you received similar calls to your cell phone before, and this is the third call to your private number."

"Hmm," Tony hummed as he swiped an arm across the sweat coating his forehead, considering the matter. It wasn't so hard to imagine someone getting his cell phone number- it happened, but someone getting his private number was another thing altogether.

So, either it was someone he knew calling him (and he did know at least a few people that could call him from a blocked number) or there was an important security breach somewhere. And he'd like to know which one it was.

He wiped the grease from his hands with a rag and leaned against the car. "Okay. Patch it through."

"Mr. Stark. It's a-"

It was a male voice. A deep voice carefully modulated to not be recognized.

"Alright. I don't know who you are, or how you got this number, buddy, but you have five seconds to talk before I hang up and block your calls. Ready? Go!"

There was a short silence at the other end of the line before the voice answered. "I wouldn't do that if I were you, Mr. Stark. I may get tired of being ignored and simply dispose of him."

Tony furrowed his brow. "Riiight. What the hell are you talking about exactly?"

"Haven't you lost something important recently?" The man asked and Tony could hear his smug smile through the phone. It put him on edge. "Tsk, tsk, tsk. You're not a very observant person, are you, Mr. Stark? Don't worry, the answer you're looking for is in your email. I'll wait right here while you check it out."

"Silence," Tony muttered in Russian so the AI blocked the sound from their end discretely. "JARVIS?"

"You have a new email from an unknown sender, sir. It appears to have a video link."

Tony contemplated that for a moment. "Alright. Open it up, but use an external and stay alert. I'm not giving those fuckers the chance to get into my system."

The AI did as asked, and a holographic projection appeared to the side a second later, showing a video image. Tony straightened up, hastening to get close to the projection as his eyes were immediately drawn to the lone figure shown there.

It was Bruce.

Heart beating faster against his chest, a cold shiver ran down his spine. In that second, it didn't matter that Bruce was Batman, or that the only reason Bruce was still tied to that chair was because he chose to remain that way. The only thing that mattered was that Bruce was in danger, and Tony hadn't fucking known it until now.

Bruce could have gotten free and kicked anyone's asses if he had to; there was no question about that. Feckless playboy façade be damned. There had never been a reason for him to break character so utterly, but Tony knew he would do it if he really had to. The only problem with that logic was how much their assessment of how dire a situation was differs when the other's life was in danger and not their own.

Tony clenched his jaw and curled his fingers into fists as soon as he saw what appeared to be a contusion in Bruce's right cheekbone, peaking at the edge of the gag in his mouth. Those fuckers had hurt him! He was going to fucking kill them all, not only for daring to lay a finger on someone Tony cared about, but going well beyond that and fucking taking him too.

Taking a deep breath, Tony forced himself to focus. Getting angry didn't help Bruce, nor helped him find him. He had to keep a cold head; needed to think and plan rather than explode. He owned it to Bruce.

"JARVIS!" He barked. "Find-"

"I have started tracing the origin of the video and email, sir."

Sharp brown eyes flickered across the holographic screen, searching. First, to make sure he was alright (bruises aside) and then to find anything that could help him find Bruce.

Tony let his eyes trace Bruce's figure. He looked disheveled but whole; dark brown hair falling over his forehead, tie askew and suit rumpled, and- Tony clenched his jaw even harder when he saw what looked like a small amount of blood in Bruce's shirt. From his mouth, most likely since there didn't seem to be any other injuries on his face or neck.

Bruce looked annoyed, almost bored sitting on a chair, gagged and with a rope tied around his chest, securing his arms to his side. There was no blindfold, and it made Tony's stomach drop. He could only hope they had taken it out before calling so Tony had no trouble recognizing him.

"JARVIS!?"

"I'm afraid I cannot localize the source yet, sir. The site where the video was uploaded to is routed through several offshore proxy servers."

"Of-fucking-course it is," Tony muttered. "How long, JARVIS?"

"I do not know, sir."

"No, no, no. Don't do that! Give me a damn time-frame!"

There was silence for a beat. "It could take perhaps one hour to pinpoint an approximate location, sir."

"One hour? One hour!? That's not good enough, damn it! Work faster!"

Tony drew yet a deep breath, taking a moment to get himself under control before giving JARVIS the command to unmute the call.

"If you have hurt him in any way," He growled dangerously; a trick he had learned to perfect from the Bat himself. "I'm going to fucking kill you. Nobody is ever going to find your fucking body."

It occurred to Tony only after he said the words that it probably would have been better if he had acted cool and composed instead of snapping. The soft laugh at the other end of the line only confirmed that. Well, too fucking late now.

"I don't believe you're in any position to make threats, Stark. Unless you don't care about your little boyfriend. In which case you can just hang up now and get this over with."

Tony bit his lips so hard to keep from sending the fucker to hell that he could taste blood.

"Are you still there?"

"What do you think?" He spat out.

"Good. I'm glad we're on the same page. And I'm sure Brucie here is too. Now," The man started after a pause. "I want you to-"

"I want to speak to him. I'm not going to do a damn thing until you put him on the damn phone."

"I don't think you understand you're not in charge here, Stark," The man growled. "You don't get to make demands. You only get to listen and do whatever I tell you to do. Do you understand? Or do I have to make you?"

"I do."

"You do what?"

"I understand," Tony answered through gritted teeth. He blinked. Bruce was definitely glaring at him through the camera now. Fan-fucking-tastic.

"Good, it's good that we cleared that point too. And you know what? I will let you speak with Brucie. As a gesture of good faith."

On the screen, a man walked toward Bruce. The angle of the camera didn't allow him to see past the man's chest, making identification impossible. Tony saw him reach to take off the gag with a harsh tug, making Bruce wince and yep, Tony could see a painful looking split lip now. The man held the cell phone toward Bruce and put it on speaker. No surprise there.

At least the video was in real-time. That was good.

"Speak," The man ordered.

Bruce looked down at the phone with a slightly scornful expression, and then up to the side where the man was standing, before he spoke, "Tony?"

Tony closed his eyes for a second. "Yes. I'm here. Are you okay?"

"What do you think, Anthony?"

Tony winced. Okay, he deserved that. Kind of. It was him how insisted they made their relationship public, in spite of Bruce's many justified arguments and all the reasons he had piled up for him as evidence of why doing that could be such a terrible idea. Iron Man and all the people that could come after him because of that had been on top of that list. Bruce could take care of them with no problem, sure, but couldn't.

Secret identities definitely sucked balls.

Still, he was honestly not sure how he had convinced him to agree- Oh right. He hadn't. He just kissed him in front of dozens of reporters and several other curious during a gala. Bruce hadn't been too happy about that, but the rising number of assistance and donations for the Wayne Foundation's following events had helped with that. As well as Tony's charming personality and eloquence.

So, Tony didn't know for sure what Bruce was playing at here exactly, but what he did know was that his annoyance was very real. He clearly wasn't going to let this go. Joy!

"Right. You're not hurt, are you?"

"Of course I'm hurt! Are you blind or what?"

Tony blinked. Bruce was playing the part of the obnoxious and whiny billionaire heir all too well here. "That doesn't look so bad, actually."

"Just shut up, okay?" Bruce sighed deeply. "I was on my way to Wayne Enterprises, Tony. I promised Lucius I would show up to today's meeting and at least pretend to care about what's going on with the company. He's going to be mad."

The meeting was real, as was Bruce's promise to actually show up and stay awake during the whole thing. But that remark about Fox's reaction was definitely exaggerated. Fox never got mad or angry. He was too smart to waste time and energy on that.

"I'll talk to him. Tell him it was my fault."

"Yes. And how many times have we use that excuse before exactly?"

Tony rolled his eyes but smiled anyway. Things couldn't be so bad if Bruce was messing with him. "Don't worry about it. I'll take care of everything."

"Of course you will," Bruce's familiar sardonic tone echoed in the workshop. "What about Alfred? He's going to be mad too."

"What? Why?"

"Why? Because he just picked the suit I'm wearing today from the tailor yesterday, Tony, and not only its ruined now, but my jacket was ripped somehow when those men grabbed me." Bruce sent the camera a pointed look. "You know how Alfred is about my clothes."

Hmm, that last part was true. And even if he knew Alfie didn't fully approve of him now, he didn't want to actively get on the older man's bad side.

"I'll just buy you a new suit, then. It's not like I can't afford it."

"I know you can, but good luck if you think replacing it is going to be enough for Alfred," Bruce fired back.

"Alright-" The strange man started only to be cut off by Bruce.

"Excuse me, but I'm not done with him yet. Look at this," Bruce continued before the kidnapper could say anything else, making Tony hold back an amused snort. He lifted his forearms as far as he could with his upper arms tied, showing his wrists to the camera. "I lost one of my cufflinks when those men took me too."

A full smirk formed in Tony's mouth as his eyes were drawn to the remaining cufflink in Bruce's right wrist. An especial gift from Mr. Fox himself, with a tiny tracker embedded in it. And since Bruce was taking the time to point it out, Tony could only assume the cufflink with the tracking device was the one Bruce had kept, and not the missing one.

He really needed to talk Bruce into agreeing to an implanted tracker after this.

"I'll buy you another pair too," Tony replied nonchalantly as he rushed toward his desk, grabbing his phone and typing a message for JARVIS to start tracking Bruce's location as he walked back. He didn't want to block the sound this time to give the order.

"You cannot be serious. These were custom made, Tony. A gift from Robert Woodward, the CEO of Woodward Corp."

Tony blinked. Was that a clue? "I know who he is. English, right? I'll just ask him where he brought them."

"You can't do that!" Bruce replied scandalized. "Imagine what he's going to think when he learns I lost them in the first place. He's never going to speak to me again."

His phone buzzed in his hand, showing a message from JARVIS; he knew where Bruce was now, and the coordinates had been already sent to his suit. Still, he couldn't just rush there, no matter how much he wanted to. He had to keep playing his part to ensure he still had the element of surprise. Fucking hell!

"What do you want me to do, then?" Tony let the annoyance he was feeling color his words. "It's not like I planned this!"

"Of course you didn't. Who would have thought declaring you're Iron Man to a room full of reporters could cause something like this to happen, right?"

"Shut the fuck up!" Tony tensed when he saw a gun pointed at Bruce's head to go along with the shouting. "I don't care what the fuck you think, just like I don't give a shit about you. If Stark doesn't do what I tell him to do, you're not getting out of here, pretty boy, not matter how many millions you have. So, you better start begging him to come save your sorry ass."

Bruce could get out of the line of fire without effort, Tony kept telling himself that. That didn't stop his heart from beating fast in his chest. Or stopped him from holding his breath as he saw the man's finger on the trigger.

"What do you say, Stark? Should I do you a favor and just blow his head off already?"

"Get that gun away from him," Tony hissed out through clenched teeth.

A low chuckle sounded at the other end, but the gun was pulled back. "What a great laid you must be if he still wants to keep you around even with all of your whining, Brucie,"

Tony didn't miss the flare of annoyance that flashed in Bruce's eyes as the man patted his cheek a couple of times, and could do nothing to mask his own as he spoke, "What do you want?"

"Of course. Let's get down to business shall we? It's rather simple and, I'm sure you already suspect what this is about. I want the schematics of your suit and its power source." Tony rolled his eyes. "You will take all of the information to the address I will send you. No tricks and not playing around, or you will regret it." The man waved the gun in Bruce's direction.

"Once I make sure that the information is authentic I will send you the address where you can find your boyfriend."

"And how do I know you will fulfill that part?" Not that it mattered since he wasn't going to give him anything, but he needed to appear the concerned boyfriend. Damn it! He wanted to go suit up already.

"You don't." The man replied offhand. "But do you really want to take the risk? The only reason he's still alive and unharmed right now is that I expect you to cooperate."

Tony looked back at Bruce, and couldn't help but smirk. He looked mostly bored by now. "Fine. I'll do it."

"Good. I will send you the location now." There was a pause. "There's no need for a farewell, is there? If you do things right, you should have him back in no time. We'll speak again soon."

The holographic screen went dark a second later, a small message of 'connection lost' popping up.

"Do we have satellite images, JARVIS?" Tony asked as he ran toward his armor. Fucking finally!

"We do, sir. Already uploaded to your suit along with the information of Mr. Wayne's tracker, as well as the location you were sent for the exchange."

"Alright, let's get this done," Tony said as the suit started to come to life around him, with the help of his bots.

"Should I contact Mr. Pennyworth, sir?"

Tony considered that before closing the faceplate. "No. I'll have Bruce call him once I get him."

Checking over the locations, Tony realized they were in different cities. Of course, he thought with an eye roll. So, he would be going for Bruce first, take out everyone there and make sure they didn't get in touch with whoever was at the other location, which JARVIS could manage with no problem. The cell phone signal could be blocked from the towers only for a minute or two, but that was more than enough time.

And, of course, he had to stay out of sight so they didn't know he was coming. Right. A piece of cake.

He was grinning as he flew, ready to kick some ass and rescue his damsel in distress.

a/n: This was supposed to be all fun and giggles, with Bruce and Tony bickering back and forth to the absolute bewilderment of the bad guys, but the angst wormed its way in and I honestly didn't even tried to change that. There's plenty of humor left, but I'm not sure if it's even funny or if it fits with the rest. *shrug* In short, I just hope this didn't end up being just a huge mess.

Lastly, this is unbetaed and I'm not a native speaker, so please feel free to point out any mistake you find.

The title was taken from the song "Hero" by Regina Spektor.