Pony
For the first time since we got to Boston, I finally feel normal again, there is something about being in pads and being on the ice. I don't need to think, I can just play hockey. Gets my mind off her, I am almost ashamed to admit I haven't been able to stop thinking about Payton since the first time I saw her. Even though I know I have no chance with her, there is something about her that drives me crazy. And despite Steve's pep talk about asking her out, it's not going to happen. I concluded that last night laying in bed, the last thing I want is to start school looking like an idiot. I'm thinking Liz and Darry have finally gotten to me and now I'm starting to realize a new school is a good thing. I no longer have what happened hanging over my head, I don't have to answer questions or try and explain things. I pull off my helmet tossing it on the bench, before grabbing a bottle of water. "You know your left side is weak and if you loosened your grip, you'd have better puck control." My head whips around looking up at the row of seats behind the bench. Payton is sitting there her feet propped up on the wall, smiling at me.
"Is that so?" She nods at me, the smile never leaving her face. "I'll have to keep that in mind." For the life of me I can't figure her out. But then again everything I know about her has come in bits and pieces, I know she's smart, and clearly, she knows hockey. I find myself wanting to know everything about her, and at the same time knowing that's never going to happen.
"I normally don't do this," She starts, "Did you want to hang out or go out or something?" She blurts out, I look at her, "If you don't want to that's totally cool. I mean I get it."
"Payton just stop for a second." I tell her, as much as I want to tell her yes, I find myself saying, "I just don't know if that's the best idea. I'm pretty busy with hockey right now and then when school starts, and my brother is still kinda weird about me going out." Payton nods,
"No, I get it. Just forget it." She stands up, "You're busy, I'm busy. School. Sports. I get it. I'll see you in school." She turns and walks up the aisle and out the door.
"Wow. I didn't think anyone would turn her down." I hear Robbie say from behind me, I turn around and he's looking at me wide-eyed.
"I'm an idiot, aren't I?" I ask him, Robbie shrugs and nods,
"Yeah, you are." He replies, "Big time." I nod, already regretting my decision.
"It's for the best anyways." I try and explain, Robbie raises an eyebrow at me,
"If you say so." He tells me. I am still regretting my decision when I get back to the apartment,
"What's wrong with you?" Steve asks from his seat on the couch, Soda puts his cell phone down and stares at me,
"Shit what did you do now?" I drop my hockey bag and sit on the chair across from them,
"I didn't do anything. I don't want to talk about it." I reply, Steve and Soda exchange looks, "Ok fine but I don't want any lectures." I tell them, "That girl that Liz told you about."
"The hot one who got you all freaked out?" Soda asks with a grin on his face, "You hook up with her?"
"Yes, her and no." I pause, "She showed up at the hockey practice and asked me out."
"I'm not seeing a problem here Pony." Steve says slowly, "Isn't that a good thing?"
"I said no." I reply. Steve picks up a magazine off the coffee table and chucks at it at me, I dodge it at the last second. "I had to, it's not like I had a choice." Both of them stare at me, "As soon as she found out anything about me, about Tulsa about anything she would have ran for the hills. I don't want to deal with that."
"Remember what Kelly told you?" Liz asks coming in, she must have been listening in the kitchen, "That you have to stop building up walls to keep people out." Along with my deep seeded anger issues, Kelly concluded that I keep people out to avoid getting hurt. This was based on mom and dad and then Johnny, she swears I'm scared to get close to people because deep down I'm terrified of losing someone else I'm close to. "You're going to miss out on something because you're afraid."
"You know Pone, she maybe right." Soda says slowly, "You can't let what happened at home keep you from living your life."
"That's easy for you to say." I spit out. I take a deep breathe as I feel my temper start in my stomach,
"Alright just calm down." Liz tells me, "We're not judging you for saying no to her, but we are worried about you. We all care about you, and we want you to be happy." She says gently. "Why don't you go get a shower before dinner." I nod standing up, I hear her tell Soda and Steve not to say anything else about it, I hate the fact that I cause everyone to have to walk on eggshells.
First Day of School.
I stare at myself in the mirror, "I'm not going." I announce to Liz walking out of the bathroom, she looks up at me, as I yank at the tie I'm wearing.
"Oh, stop you look handsome." She says standing up, she straightens my tie and my shirt. I suppose as far as uniforms go this isn't horrible. At least I don't have to wear plaid. The guy's uniform consists of khaki pants, a white button-down shirt, with a navy-blue blazer and a gold and red stripped tie. I run my fingers through my hair, I have to admit I'm glad I outgrew the whole long hair thing. I finish packing the school issued black backpack, I've noticed everything with this school is about image. And grab that and my hockey bag,
"I'm ready let's just get this over with." I tell Liz who is driving me.
"Remember kid I'm picking you up after practice to go to the gym." Steve calls after me as Liz and I walk out.
"You'll be fine." Liz tells me as we pull into the school parking lot, she gives my knee a pat as I get out of the car. I have to admit I'm glad I already met and get along with the rest of the hockey team. Robbie told me they tend to stick together, so it's nice knowing I'm not going to get stuck having lunch alone. My stomach turns to knots when I see Payton almost as soon as I walk in, I had tried texting her to apologize, and her reply was cold at best. A simple "It's fine." I know enough about girls to know that's not a good thing. And when I mentioned it to Liz the look on her face confirmed that indeed it was not a good thing. I pause a second to look at her, she looks incredible. If a school uniform was made for someone it's her. She's wearing a perfectly pressed white button down tucked into a navy-blue pleated skirt that has a bow on the side, a pair of navy-blue knee socks, a matching navy-blue tie and a pair of white Converse. Her hair is down in loose curls and held back by a matching navy-blue headband. I hear Steve's voice in my head telling me to just apologize, use some of that Curtis charm. I'm pretty sure Soda got the majority of that, and Darry and I got whatever was leftover. I come to a stop next to her,
"Hey. Can I talk to you for a second?" She looks up at me through her eyelashes, I had a growth spurt over the summer, and I hit about 6'2 and based on my sports physical the doctor says I'm not done yet. She's maybe 5'1, so I tower over her.
"I'll leave you two alone." Whoever she's talking to says, before turning and getting lost in the crowd of people.
"What's up?" Payton asks, shifting her backpack on her shoulder slightly,
"I owe you an apology." I tell her, she shakes her head,
"No, you don't." She starts, "I get it you just moved here, you're busy."
"It's not that at all." I try, "This has nothing to do with you. I mean look at you, you're perfect." Her cheeks flush pink,
"Not even close but thank you." She replies,
"Payton, you're beautiful and smart. And you know hockey. I mean you're perfect." I find myself saying, "I just don't think I'm the right person for you."
"I appreciate you saying that, but I am pretty sure I'm capable of making my own mind up." She says, there's a dinging sound, "That's the bell, we should get to class." Without another word she turns and heads down the hallway. Leaving me standing there knowing I just made the situation about a million times worse.
Payton
"I think you should at least give him another shot." Robbie says leaning back precariously in his chair, till his head is almost on my desk.
"Why because he's your buddy?" Ali replies for me. "He turned her down, that's his loss. Asshole." She adds, glancing up at Mrs. Miller who is paying no attention to us. Technically we're supposed to be in an AP Journalism class but Mrs. Miller who is easily pushing 90 years old and is counting down the days until she retires, doesn't really care what we do as long as we leave her alone. The first day of school last week she gave us a couple of assignments to work on and when those are finished and turned in, she'll find something else for us to do. It's a bullshit class, but my advisor swears it will look fantastic on my Stanford application, plus it gives me forty-five minutes to work on other things. Robbie lets out this exasperated sigh,
"What crawled up your ass Ali?" He asks, "You don't even know the guy and you've already put him on your shit list?"
"Will you two knock it off." I say, "It's not a big deal Ali like I've told you a thousand times already." I know telling her this means nothing; he's already pegged on her shit list like Robbie said and once you're on it you are not coming off. "And Robbie, I put myself out there, he said no. I don't see the point in trying again." I tell him, "Besides, I already have a date for this weekend." Both Ali and Robbie turn to look at me,
"You do? With whom?" Ali questions,
"Dylan from Stanton asked me out and since you continually tell me I need to get out and over Carter I figured I might as well go." Robbie's mouth drops open so fast I'm sort of surprised when it doesn't hit my desk,
"Of all the freaking guys you pick Walters. Pay he's a freaking prick." Robbie tells me,
"He's a nice guy." I reply, truth is I know practically nothing about him. His best-friend Brad is dating Kylie who I play tennis with, and she insisted that the two of us would get along great and passed my number to him. We had been texting for a few days before he asked if I wanted to go out this weekend. He seems ok for the most part, at least it will get me out of the house and hopefully get my mind off Pony.
"He's a dick." Robbie says loudly, Mrs. Miller looks in our direction,
"Mr. Andrews is there a problem?" She asks looking at him over the top of her reading glasses, he shakes his head,
"Nah all good." He replies, she purses her lips together but says nothing going back to whatever it is she's reading, "He's a dick." He repeats quieter this time. "Ali help me out here."
"I don't know a lot about him but when I went out with Easton for those few months, we met a few times, and he seems well like a dick." She says slowly. "Not only that your dad is not going to be happy if you get involved with a guy from Stanton." She adds. Stanton Prep is our biggest rival in pretty much every sport, but especially hockey. It's almost always between us and them for the Massachusetts High School Championship, and it's been that way since my dad and Uncle Josh played hockey here. Sawyer had gotten a scholarship offer from Stanton to play baseball and my dad literally tore it up and threw it down the garbage disposal. It's that serious.
"I don't know what you two want from me." I say slamming my laptop shut, "You constantly tell me how I need to get out and date and do whatever else." I say looking at Ali, "And you, you encouraged me to ask him out and I did and got turned down flat and now you think I should give him another shot?" I tell Robbie. "Can I please just live my own life for like five minutes?" Both Ali and Robbie stare at me, I walk out without another word as soon as the bell dings.