Splatoon: The Brothers and the Others
Octopuses Are Great Dinner Dates
Ari strut throughout Inkopolis, his head held high and his orange tentacles slick back. He had discarded his Jungle Hat and Varsity Jacket in favor of a black suit and tie, looking extremely sophisticated as he made his way down the street. A few younger Inklings passing by snickered at his formal attire, but even that could not put a damper on his mood.
"WHAT THE SHELL?!" A voice boomed in the distance.
Plus, the fact that he bought the suit using his father's money certainly did not hurt his pride. Ari smirked as the squabbling of Ares sounded off like thunder in the distance. Ignoring his father's bouts of anger, Ari waltzed into Inkopolis Plaza, Inklings returning from a Turf War nearly slinging ink onto his suit as they left Inkopolis Tower and walked past, laughing to each other.
Ari dodged quickly, stepping back. "Watch it!"
One of the Inklings frowned, holding a Roller above her head. "Yeesh, sorry. Why would you bring a suit into the plaza if you don't want it to get messed up?"
Ari scoffed, smoothing his tentacles back. "For your information, I happen to be awaiting the harsh yet wonderful greeting of a gorgeous vixen who outclasses all of you plebs."
Tai yawned, lifting her Octoling Armor over her head, sending it sliding through the metallic floors of the Octoling HQ, the armor plate tripping up Aussie as she walked by.
"Thank Cod, it's getting stuffy in here." Tai yawned, laying on her back.
Aussie came up, fuming, her Octoling Goggles flashing bright. "T-41!"
"Oops." Tai muttered, getting to her feet, swiftly dashing off.
"Get back here!" Aussie cried out, quickly dashing to follow Tai.
Tai smirked, running throughout the HQ like a maniac, Aussie following behind with outstretched arms that threatened to tear into the other octopus once she had reached her.
The group that had just left the tower glanced at each other, then shrugged, walking off, leaving Ari in a delusionally false state of triumph. He scoffed, making his way over the manhole, ducking inside as an orange squid, sliding through the pipe with relative ease. As soon as he made his way over to the other side, he stood straight on the brown dirt, adjusting his tux's tie. He began picking up his pace, breaking into a suave stride, with no worries in the world. Then he bumped into her. As Ari began falling, he quickly reached into his coat's side pocket, pulling out an air freshener canister, spraying it into his mouth. Silently choking back the taste with a hint of regret, he got back up to his feet, smirking.
"Why, helloooooo there." Ari said, attempting to look smooth, leaning on air.
The discombobulated Octoling got to her feet, adjusting her Octoling Goggles around her neck, staring at Ari with an excited stare. For a moment, Ari thought she was happy to see him, and smirked harder, adjusting his tie once.
"Hey, pretend I'm not here." Tai told him quickly, shifting into an octopus, sliding into his tux.
Ari blinked as he felt the octopus take shelter in his suit, obviously confused. Gawking around at the floating platforms for a moment, Ari soon found the reason behind Tai's stealthy escape in an enraged Octoling storming past him.
"You!" An infuriated Aussie pointed at Ari.
Ari blinked, pointing at himself in bewilderment.
"Yes, you, agent… Gah, whoever you are, did you see an Octoling sprint by?!" Aussie asked impatiently, tapping her foot on the ground.
Ari grinned. "Er, yes, in fact, she went… Down that pipe!"
Ari pointed over at the grates that led to Inkopolis. Upon seeing them, Aussie groaned, stamping her foot down.
"Of course she'd take refuge there!" Aussie cried out, "Gah! It can't be helped! Once T-41 returns, I'll give her the reprimanding of a lifetime!"
With that said, Aussie stormed off back to the metal kettles of Octo Valley, her tentacles twitching and furling rapidly. As soon as she was out of earshot, Tai popped out of the sleeve of Ari's tux, laughing hysterically on the ground.
"Haha! Get absolutely outplayed! Oh man, did you see her tentacles?!" Tai asked Ari, wiping violet tears of joy out of her eyes.
Ari managed a snicker. "That was… Uh, pretty good."
Tai's laughter went on for a solid ten seconds, before she regained her composure and stood up to Ari's level, her once happy demeanor replaced with a bored stare. "Alright, what do you want?"
Ari blushed, his smirk reappearing. "Y-Yeah, so hey. I just wanted to ask if you wanted to-"
"Nah, too busy." Tai yawned, making her way back to the kettles.
"Wha- Hey! You didn't let me finish!" Ari groaned, glaring at Tai.
Tai simply wrapped her arms around the back of her head lazily. "Yeah, well, you're probably going to lay down a really cheesy one-liner that's supposed to make me fall head over heels for you. Not happening."
"No! Well, yes… Just hear me out, okay?!" Ari shouted.
Tai sighed, shook her head, and turned around. "Yeah, Fancysuit?"
"Look, I didn't come all this way in a suit just so you could ignore me! I just want to ask you for one date, okay?!" Ari asked.
Tai smirked. "Well, how charming. You going to bring all your friends along with the ride?"
"No. Just you, me, wherever, whenever, okay?" Ari sighed. "Just one. Please?"
Tai closed her eyes, sighing once more. She and Ari stood silent, both dreading her decision slightly, rays of light shining down on them, the valley remaining quiet minus the birds chirping ever so often. Eventually, Tai sighed, dropping her arms in defeat. She stared at Ari with unflinching eyes.
"Alright, fine. I'll give you a chance." Tai told Ari.
Ari's face lit up. "R-Really?!"
Tai nodded. "Come back here in about two hours. Bring an Ink Tank, and get out of that ridiculous suit. It makes you look like a depressed parrotfish."
As Tai mentioned his suit, Ari instinctively stared down at it, wondering what the problem was. When he looked back up at the Octoling, he found that she was already making her way back to her headquarters, yawning. Ari broke out into a grin, his orange tentacles rippling. Slowly, he turned around, walking back home. He jumped back in fear once he noticed an old Inkling general blocking his path.
"Going out, eh Agent C?" He nudged Ari with his elbow. "Eh, go ahead and enjoy yourself, but if I were you, I'd invest in a safety vest!"
Ari frowned. "What are you on about?"
"Octopuses aren't exactly the head-in-the-cloud, lovey dovey types son. You might wanna just keep an eye out." Cap'n Cuttlefish chuckled.
"Hey! Are you implying I cannot handle her? She's just a rose with thorns, prickly on the outside, but I am positive she's more than virtuous."
Cap'n sighed, shaking his head. "Well, I 'spose I can't stop you. Don't say I didn't warn you now!"
Ari smirked. "Trust me, I will get her to come out of her shell. Farewell, elder!"
Ari began running towards the manhole, shifting to a squid, dropping between the grates. Cap'n Cuttlefish shook his head, walking back under the cool shade of his shack, resting on his beaten blue couch.
Tai whistled as she returned to the Octarian HQ, other Octotroopers giving her acknowledging stares. One sitting by waved using its primary head tentacle, asking in its burbling language on what she had planned to do when Aussie, the fearsome commander, caught her.
"What are you planning to do when 4U55-13 catches you, T- Tai?" The Octotrooper asked with a hint of fear.
See?
Tai simply waved off the Octotrooper's question. "Eh, I'll show you in a second."
The Octotrooper frowned, arching its eye in confusion. A loud clunking metal noise echoed through the base, growing louder. The Octotrooper's eyes shrank. Behind Tai, Aussie's Octoling Goggles glared brightly, magenta flaring out of the lenses furiously.
"Hey Auss." Tai began, leaning on the metal wall.
"T-41," Aussie snarled, "I HAVE HALF A MIND TO SEND YOU STRAIGHT TO OCTAVIO-"
"Please don't!' A booming voice called from across the base.
"AND HAVE YOU TRAIN DAY AFTER DAY NONSTOP FOR THAT OFFENSE?! WHY WOULD YOU THINK TRIPPING ME UP WAS A GOOD IDEA?! WHAT, DID YOU THINK IT WAS FUNNY?!"
"What do you think I should wear for a date?" Tai muttered.
"DON'T CHANGE T-The subject? Wait, whoa, hang on, slow down, w-what?!" Aussie stammered.
"Going on a date. So, what, you think this apparel should cut it? Maybe that Tenta's old room has something I could fish out of it." Tai yawned.
Aussie gawked at Tai as she boredly stared at her own hand, waiting for her response. Aussie's face reddened somewhat, and she coughed.
"...I didn't realize you were the type to fall in love. Huh. Kudos." Aussie gave her a brief round of applause.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Tai arched an eyebrow.
Aussie deadpanned. "It's absolutely the least possible probability in all of the universe. Anyone here who thought Tai could fall in love, raise your tentacles."
The Octotrooper in the hall made a point as to lower his tentacle on his head, Tai shaking her head with a sigh.
"Sorry." The Octotrooper muttered.
Tai frowned, crossing her arms. "I'm NOT falling in love, Auss. Cod, it's just a date. He wouldn't stop bothering me, alright? So I figured I'll just satisfy his needs once, and then he'll bug off."
"Ah." Aussie muttered, then shook her head swiftly, resuming her glare, "Wait, no, I'm still peeved about your foolish disregard for safety AND your own gear! I'd like an apology, T-41!"
"Alright, sorry." Tai told her with a shrug and a wave of her hands, walking away.
"I don't think you- Uh… Um. What?" Aussie stuttered once more, finding herself at a loss for words.
Tai whistled to herself, making her way through the metal halls, leaving Aussie with her mouth gaping wide open. As soon as Tai departed from sight, Aussie took off her Octoling Goggles, wiping a tear from her light green irises.
"...Commander?" The Octotrooper asked with heavy concern, "Are you okay?"
"No more backtalk… She's finally growing." Aussie said with a teary smile.
"Ah, crab!" A thud sounded off from across the headquarters. "Hit my friggin' knee- screw this table!"
"..." Aussie sighed, the smile dissipating "At least I can revel in the comfort knowing that if this so-called date goes well, she won't cause anymore paperwork for me."
Tai grumbled to herself as she sat in the rec room, boredly watching other Octarians as she sat by the table of her choice, rubbing a scratched section of her leg. Considering she was currently surrounded by nearly the entire army right now, it was generally less pleasant than normal. Each one who poked their heads too far into her personal space was smacked away, a gruff grunt courtesy of Tai each time she repelled an octopus.
"Whoa, excuse me." A voice called out from the crowd, the ever studious Octoling Chi stumbling through, gawking at Tai.
"Yo." Tai waved with a smirk.
"You're going out with an Inkling?! Dude, that's…wow!" Chi beamed.
Tai frowned. "I can speak this language AND Inkanese well enough, and yet I still don't get what you mean."
Chi cleared her throat, taking up a seat across from her. "Alright everybody, shoo! I have to discuss something with Tai, go to your bunks or something."
Reluctantly, the crowd of octopuses began leaving the rec room, shuffling past metal chairs and tables. As soon as the last tentacled trooper left the room, Chi stood up straight, staring straight at Tai, who backed away awkwardly.
"Why is everybody making such a huge deal over this?" Tai frowned.
"Tai, if you manage to establish a good relationship with an Inkling, then perhaps peace is within our grasp! We'll finally be able to live up there again!" Chi gushed.
Tai sighed. "I don't want to dash your dreams there, but I doubt it's gonna happen, Chi."
Chi's eyes expanded. "Wh-Why?"
Tai groaned, "Is everyone seriously counting on me to get hitched with an Inkling? Seriously?! Come on-" Tai stood up on the table, then raised her hands to her mouth, shouting, "Stop putting pressure on me, people! There's no guarantee I'll do it!"
Silence followed, but the scuttling of footsteps across the stainless steel floor meant they had definitely heard her. Rolling her eyes, Tai descended from the table, landing on her chair, with just as big as a frown as before.
"Cod." Tai groaned.
"But still, you wanna make a good impression Tai. Who knows, this encounter could mean stable relations. Nobody WANTS war." Chi explained.
"I do." Tai told Chi with a smirk, the other Octoling rolling her eyes in response. "Why are you so invested in this? It's not like you're going on a date. A test one at that."
"Okay, maybe I don't have any experience with that of the heart, but say I was in your shoes." Chi began, "There's an Inkling I like-"
"Who's the lucky squid." Tai said with a cheeky grin.
"There's no squid, okay? It's just a simulation." Chi explained.
"Well then, I'm not listening to you." Tai told her friend, leaning back in her chair.
"Tai, come on!" Chi cried out in exasperation.
"Give me a name, it'll be more believable." Tai explained.
Chi furrowed her brow, glancing away for a second. "Sharq. Okay, so-"
"Not Splin? Yeesh, that's harsh." Tai said with a grin.
"I don't like any of them, okay?!" Chi growled.
Tai took a sharp inhale through her beak, then scooted her chair backwards. "Wow, rude. You know, they tried their best to help us."
Chi glared at Tai irritably. "Look, I'm just trying to help."
"And I just wanted to go and mess with Aussie, but Ari had to mess everything up. How do you think I feel?" Tai blew her tentacle up into the air.
Chi's face scrunched up. "That doesn't mean you have to be such an insensitive, annoying jerk about this!"
Tai blinked, staring across at Chi. She was pouting as hard as one possibly could, with what appeared to be magenta tears threatening at her eyes. Tai sighed, sitting upright in her seat.
"Alright, alright, sorry." Tai huffed, "Just a little on edge."
Chi sniffled.
"Stop crying." Tai told her companion, who sniffled again, wiping at her eyes. "When did you become so sensitive?"
Chi attempted a glare, then sighed, crossing her arms, staring down at the table.
"Chi, if you're going to keep up being sad, then I'm going to have to use my… Special technique." Tai seemed to die a little inside after saying that, coughing.
Chi just furrowed her brow and continued staring at the floor, only a midge curious about Tai's so called "technique". "I'm fine."
Tai sighed, shivering slightly. "Okay. I didn't want it to come to this." Tai stood up, dusted herself off, and walked across the table.
As soon as she reached Chi's seat, she wrapped her arms around her, and gave her the tightest hug she could manage without dislocating any important organs. Still, Chi responded less than favorably, her eyes popping open, staring back at Tai's arms. Tai was gritting her teeth, her eye twitching, obviously not a fan of affection. After five seconds, Chi seemed to loosen up in Tai's grip, sighing contently. Tai then dumped Chi back on her chair, huffing.
"You happy yet?" Tai asked, shivering in discomfort.
Chi grinned. "Thanks."
"Okay!" Tai began backing away, "Don't expect any more from me." Tai stated simply, walking off staring at the floor, "Next thing you know, I'll have to hug you on the battlefield. Cod, everyone's being such a crybaby lately."
Chi blinked, staring at Tai curiously. "Hey, where are you going?"
"I'm going to make some renovations on 'her' room." Tai spoke up, walking off.
Chi watched as she departed from the rec room, leaving her alone in the empty room. Well, not completely alone.
"Shockwhisk!" A certain electric catfish cooed at her from its kennel.
"...Yeah." Chi nodded, staring at the door. "Tai... Hard as steel on the outside, still soft on the inside."
Ari was back in Octo Valley, strutting in his regular Jungle Hat, Varsity Jacket, and White Seahorses, his tentacles still neatly combed underneath his hat, glossy as well. He grinned, making his way over towards the kettles.
"Ariiii?" A voice called for him.
Ari blinked, glancing upwards. Across a thin line of ink stretching across the sky, laid a kettle of sorts. Tai sat on top of it, looking as beautiful as ever in his eyes, her irises shining bright with the sun. In reality, Tai waved to him, sitting on what appeared to be a hastily constructed kettle made of discarded shards of metal, one unpleasantly situated underneath Tai. Even still, she kept her cool, waving to Ari.
"Tai!" Ari called back.
"Why don't you come up here, then we can get started?" Tai offered, batting her again, nonexistent eyelashes.
The male Inkling could not help blushing wildly. He grinned a toothy grin, switched into squid form, and climbed up the delicate thread of ink connecting the platforms, eager to see what romance plans the Octoling his eyes were set on had in mind. Ascending through the ink, Ari could make out between shades and hues of orange, Tai dropping through the grates of the makeshift kettle entrance, already making her way through the murky darkness of the kettle. Ari made ripples as he jet through the string of ink even quicker, extremely excited at this point, hopping out of the ink stream as an orange squid, switching back to Inkling form, following Tai through the drainage pipe.
Falling through the pipe, Ari landed in a dark space. He blinked, attempting to peer through the blackness. Ari felt around at the ground, frowning. He felt an empty gap and instinctively pulled back, sitting down.
"Ah, sorry, I'll get the light." Tai's voice called through the darkness.
Soon afterwards, a bright light pierced the room, granting Ari sight. Though, it was hardly a sight for sore eyes. Multiple contraptions wrapped around tall pillars, which extended out of a dark pit, spikes, rapidly revolving conveyor belts, and laser beams. For the most part, Ari felt a mix between unrivaled terror, and a newfound, intense attraction to the Octoling. Said Octoling stood at the very back at the large room, standing on the tallest pillar, skimming through a book.
"Huh. So that's what she was reading." Tai muttered, attempting to stuff the book in her shirt. "...How do they manage to make that look so comfortable? Gah…" The Octoling groaned, taking the book out from her Octoling Armor, tossing it on the ground irritably. "Darn well-endowed women. Always getting the good benefits like awesome powers and book carrying."
Ari, simply standing there, gawked at Tai's machinery marvels. He cleared his throat, grinning happily. "This is astounding! Such craftsmanship! Truly a challenge course for the ages!"
"Flattery won't get you far, man." Tai told him, laying back on the pillar.
"...That's a joke. I get it! It's a subversion of my expectations, you don't actually expect me to get through this?" Ari laughed.
His laughter began dying out when Tai glared at him, picking up the book, humming to herself.
"Ah crab! She's serious." Ari thought to himself.
Experimentally and with great care, Ari walked over to the first obstacle, a rapidly moving conveyor belt extending from his platform to the next in the obstacle course, tapping the top with his shoe. Scraps of the coveted material flew from the sole of Ari's White Seahorse into the air immediately, shortening his height unevenly.
"...Oh good grief." Ari muttered. "Tai, if we're going to make this work-"
"Make what work?" Tai asked nonchalantly, skimming through the book, which happened to be upside-down.
"You know, this? Us? ...You know, this relationship we have?" Ari asked, arching an eyebrow.
"...Yyyyyyeah. That's why I want you to get over here." Tai yawned, sitting down with a pout. "Look, Ari. If you're real serious about this, then I want you to prove it. No flirting, no dates. Just a test. I mean, I don't have time to devote myself to small fry dude. So, you can either man up-"
A thud resonated through the platform from behind Ari. Ari looked back, noticing a bright door space reaching into the steel hallways of the Octoling HQ.
"I gave the others the okay. So if you wanna leave…" Tai shrugged. "You know where the door was."
Ari gulped. Tai glared at him, not directly nor condescendingly, but with a type of impatience, an eagerness awaiting Ari's choice. The Inkling made his second step onto the conveyor belt. The belt scratched his other shoe, evening out his height, while at the same time discouraging Ari from pressing forward. With a sigh, Ari began trotting off backwards. Then, he heard the sound of light applause. Turning around, he could hardly believe his eyes when he noticed his fan happened to be the very same Octoling who had previously awaited his journey through the obstacle course.
"Nice job, you passed." Tai said, hopping from pillar to pillar with short Super Jumps. That made Ari feel somewhat stupid.
"What?" Ari tilted his head in confusion.
Tai landed in front of Ari with a smug grin. "That was the common sense challenge. You passed."
Ari stared behind Tai, watching the machinery slowly die out, falling into the abyss of the room, scraping and crashing of metal resonating from the pit. Ari frowned, staring back at Tai, whose foot was suspended midair near where the conveyor belt once wrapped around the platforms.
She shrugged. "Eh, just in case someone else needs to use the room later I guess."
"Sooo… Does this mean we're dating?" Ari asked with a grin.
Tai frowned. "...No."
"Aw." Ari sighed, his shoulders and tentacles drooping.
"Ari, you're pretty cool. You haven't ratted us out yet, you haven't been too rude besides tearing my armor off-"
"That was an accident." Ari blurted out, embarrassed.
"But I dunno if I'm gonna spend my time with someone who can't get past the first obstacle in a course like this- That." Tai pointed out, staring at the dark recesses of the room. "You're smart enough to go get yourself splatted between a conveyor belt, but I doubt you'd be able to handle the intense life I live. You passed the common sense test, but your wits and determination isn't exactly something I'd be proud of."
"I..." Ari sighed, making his way over to the door. "Guess you're right. I apologize, my beloved, for squandering your time."
"Hold it. I'm not finished." Tai shouted.
Ari blinked, turning around with a frown, then blinked again when he felt a weight on him. Tai leaned on his shoulder, staring him in the eyes.
"I'm still a bit unsure. We can still hang out. I can train you or something, make you less of a wimp, you know?" Tai told him.
Ari blinked. "So then that means-"
"You still have a chance, man. Don't waste it." Tai finished, then began walking away, giving a wave to Ari as she went. "Later. Don't stick around for too long."
Ari blinked, Tai leaving his sight. She left him alone in the room, light from above and the halls giving off a steady glow. He finally snapped out of his trance, then began making his way outside. Reaching the artificial light in the halls, he was greeted with stares from the octopuses that roamed the headquarters. He gulped. They stared unflinchingly, with a newborn's curiosity.
"Are you still here?" Tai shouted from the crowd, pushing her way through the wall of octopuses.
Ari kept his head down, making his way towards the exit. Slowly. Rolling her eyes, Tai walked over to Ari and pecked him on the cheek, eliciting shocked gasps from the other octopuses.
"Okay, go, shoo. I'm gonna take a nap, and your butt better be gone, capiche?" Tai asked, eyes half-lidded. "I'll hang out with you tomorrow."
Upon hearing that, Ari grinned, then returned the favor, landing a sneak attack on Tai's own cheek, then ran off with a snicker. Tai smirked, a light violet crossing her face. She then cleared her throat, glaring at the others.
"You too. Get outta here! I'm tired, and being cranky and tired is the last thing any of us want." Tai announced to everyone.
The octopus army burst into a random cheer. Among them was Chi and Aussie, who stood at the front of the line, clapping. Tai grimaced, took her Octoling Goggles, and smacked them on her face, tightening them as tight as she could, and made her way through the crowd, faking yawns and pushing away ecstatic octopuses.
AN: Think I'd write a real romance scene? Sorry. That's just tough love.
Make love reviews, not…war...reviews. (Suppose that's a counter-analogy to itself considering some writer's here can't prosper without one or the other when they usually only want one.) Thanks write n wrong for reviewing! Well, now that that sappy moment's over, let's journey back to the sea and see what our other protagonists are up to, eh?
Thanks for reading as always, this is ThePizzaLovingTurtle, off to prepare for Star Fox Zero.