Splatoon: The Brothers and the Others
"Accidents Happen, Right Little Brother?"
The warm air was caressed by a gentle breeze as it blew past the hillside. The hole in the small house's ceiling let in the air, where it silently permeated the household. Phish did not mind, the breeze tugging at his tie slightly. His face almost stuck to the book he read through, scanning each page and word with a piqued interest, he sighed, breathing in relief. A knock at his door quickly dispelled his comforts, and, with a groan, he set down the book, the cover a picture of a primitive squid, an account of history that Phish only halfheartedly believed. Making his way to the door, he opened it swiftly, expecting the same female nuisance that continually made his way into his house and life.
To say that he had expected a young squid accompanying her was an understatement. Standing by Pirah's leg was a young, blue squid, with the very short trace of humanoid limbs, small stubs for hands and feet, a douse of red on his soft noggin. The squid hummed in curiosity, staring up at Phish, who frowned.
"Uh… Pirah, who's this?" Phish asked, staring down at the squid.
"Sorry for the short notice visit, I just wanted to introduce you to my little brother." Pirah said, raising the squid up, which smiled as she raised him, "Meet Xarius!"
The little Xarius made a case as to plant his stubby tentacle on Phish's face as he stared, Phish closing his eyes as Xarius retracted his tentacle, the little squid blinking, getting to know the older Inkling by his facial features.
"Uh huh. Well, it was nice to meet him." Phish said, turning around.
"Oy!"
Phish turned back around, glaring at Pirah with a bit of an annoyed demeanor. "What is it? I'm sort of busy right now."
"Oh, that wasn't me." Pirah told Phish with a grin, toting Xarius around as if he were a rag-doll.
"Oy." Xarius waved.
"...Oy." Phish nodded with a wave, "Okay, Pirah, was that all you came for?"
"Nope!" Pirah beamed, "Besides introducing you two, I was hoping you'd let Xarius and I crash over for a while!"
"Why, did something happen where you live?" Phish asked, arching an eyebrow.
"Yeah, I had a bit of an accident in the kitchen." Pirah shrugged.
"...?" Phish stared at her.
Just behind Pirah in the distance, he noticed something. Squinting his eyes, he swore he could spy smoke rising from the city of Inkopolis, the smoke and flames billowing as it grew, shrimp and Inklings garbed in red attempting to douse the catastrophic fire. At least, he assumed it would be catastrophic based on the amount of black spiraling into the sky.
"I can already see the headlines." Phish shook his head.
Woman Burns Down Neighborhood: Be on High Alert.
"Yeah." Phish nodded solemnly. "It's too bad, had I taken up law, maybe I could've saved her from lawsuits."
"Um, let's ignore the accident right now," Pirah said, placing Xarius on the ground, "The point is, I'd be grateful if you could let me and Xarius sit here while this all blows over."
Once Pirah finished, Phish remembered the yelps and screams of agony certain Octarians were subjected to under a military jail time once he was drafted. He briefly wondered what the punishment for housing an arsonist was. Gulping, he stared at Pirah, who glowed with a supposed innocence, an angelic disguise. Phish was convinced she was practically an angel of misfortune.
"...I don't know... Pirah, what exactly was this… Accident?" Phish asked, though the red glow in the distance might have been evidence enough.
"Oh! Yeah, the sink broke." Pirah told Phish, sighing.
Phish mentally sighed in relief. "Ah… Right. That doesn't sound terrible."
"So when we evacuated the kitchen, I thought, 'Hey, I'll just use the portable grill instead!'." Pirah told him with a gleeful honesty.
Phish walked outside quickly, making his way around Pirah, and pushed Pirah and Xarius in, slamming the door shut behind him, sighing heavily. Pirah dusted herself off, petting Xarius like a cat. The little squid purred in delight. Phish's eye twitched as the distraught Inkling could only pinch the bridge of his nose in irritation.
"Alright, so, let me get this straight, you burned down your house." Phish sighed.
"Well, it was an apartment building." Pirah spoke up.
"Good Cod Pirah! Do you realize how many people you could have splatted?!" Phish asked, staring her in the face.
"This just in: No one was hurt in the recent blaze that overtook part of Inkopolis!" A fish chimed in on Phish's television.
Swiftly Phish spun around towards the television. "No one asked you!"
"Geez, no need to be so unprofessional about it!" The fish commented, walking offscreen.
Phish turned back to Pirah. "Look, the point is, you burnt something to the ground. Really Pirah?"
"Hey, it was an honest mistake!" Pirah cried out.
"A mistake huh? Okay, let's see, how much could a district cost to repair arson damage? Gee willikers, what could POSSIBLY be the cost? Couldn't be hundreds of thousands of coin expenses, no." Phish rambled on.
"Really? Great!" Pirah grinned, "That means everything's fine!"
"What?! No! I was being sarcastic!" Phish shouted.
"Also just in: If fire continues to spread throughout Inkopolis, insurance policies promise to fund arson victims! Victims can potentially earn billions of-" The newsfish began.
Before he could finish his statement, Phish reached for the remote sitting on the floor, raising it above his head. Sighing in exasperation, he clicked the power button, shutting the television off with a blip, the Inkling clutching his head.
"I'm going to go insane. Are there no consequences in this world for our actions?!" Phish shouted to the ceiling.
The outburst startled the young squid lying by Pirah's side, who squeaked and shuffled behind Pirah, glaring at Phish from behind her legs. Pirah smiled, picking Xarius up, hugging him warmly. The little squid still glared at Phish, who shook his head.
"Perhaps I'm already insane if this woman can practically get away with murder." Phish groaned.
Pirah blinked, walking over to the kitchen, placing Xarius on one of the seats, which he rested on contently with a small yawn.
"You know, we can leave if we're causing too much trouble." Pirah spoke up.
"You're literally making me want to tear my tentacles out." Phish sighed, standing up straight, "But despite the fact that you somehow made someone a billionaire, obviously destroying property isn't going to go unnoticed. So- Just stay here, try not to break anything else."
Phish sighed, closing his eyes, then walked over to his bed, planting his face in the pillow. Pirah blinked, staring at Xarius, who simply glared at Phish as he rested.
"Well, do you at least want to get to know Xarius?" Pirah suggested.
"At first, maybe. But if he's anything like you, then I think I'd rather stay a few feet away for the time being." Phish waved.
Pirah frowned at him, adjusting her Black Arrowbands glasses. "Hmph! You know, I thought you would be cool, but you keep being so mean!"
"I'm just being cautious, Miss Destruction." Phish muttered through his pillow.
Pirah huffed, fists planted firmly on her waist. She turned to Xarius.
"Xarius, do you think I'm destructive?" She asked politely.
Xarius glared back to Phish. His gaze became increasingly softer. Then he glanced up to Pirah, smiling sheepishly. Pirah's mouth gaped open, blushing in embarrassment. Xarius glanced back to Phish, who laid on his bed, an incredibly disturbed look on his face as he stared up at the ceiling. The little squid hummed, staring to and fro.
Pirah sighed. "Look.. Phish, I came over here because you're the only friend I know who wouldn't turn me in or anything."
"Pretty sure you could break into my house regardless if I wanted to or not." Phish sighed.
"Well, I mean, yeah, that's true." Pirah nodded in admittance, "But still, you're a nice guy. You always help me out, you know."
"Even when I should be reporting you right now." Phish muttered with a chuckle, "I must really be going insane right now."
Nah, you're just rude and overreacting.
Phish closed his eyes, raising his finger with a chuckle. "Don't you have some narration to do? Besides, this is about Pirah and her situation."
"Well, maybe." Pirah sighed, "I might apologize tomorrow."
Phish sat up, staring towards the female. "I think this is far beyond an apology."
"...I'll tell them they couldn't have gotten that money without me!" Pirah smirked.
Phish rolled his eyes, laying back down on the bed, frowning. He rested his eyes, closed shut, when he heard a slight shuffling. Opening his eyes, he found Xarius lying on his chest, staring back at him. The two of them blinked.
"...Hmm. Fast, aren't you?" Phish muttered, Xarius smiling at him. In spite of the situation, Phish smiled back, "Well, at least you don't seem as bad as Pirah."
"Hey!" Pirah shouted by the counter top.
Xarius turned back, then glanced at Phish, nodding wholeheartedly. Phish chuckled at this, Pirah pouting as a result.
"Xarius, come on bro, you're turning against your own big sis?" Pirah frowned.
"Hmm. You know, he's starting to grow on me" Phish grinned, sitting up, "He seems to have a good head on his shoulders despite his...influences."
"Phish!" Pirah sighed.
Xarius beamed. "Oy!"
"Well, at least he's having fun." Pirah smiled, making her way over to Phish, "Um, by the way, Phish, since our apartment is... burnt down I guess-"
"Oh great." Phish groaned, "You want to stay over here, don't you?"
"Well, yeah, you know, hang out, get to know each other maybe, and not get arrested! It's perfect!" Pirah spoke up, a light shining in her eyes.
"And so you can burn down my house." Phish rolled his eyes, "It's better than a whole neighborhood dying to you I suppose."
"I mean, unless everyone in the neighborhood is a criminal." Pirah spoke up.
"Well, do you live in a shady neighborhood?" Phish asked.
"No, but there's this shifty cat that keeps sleeping near the door." Pirah frowned, "Keeps holding the door up."
"Okay, well then you're still in trouble despite that... Fake as all shell insurance promise." Phish sighed, Xarius nodding, "At least your brother seems aware of that."
Xarius grinned. Pirah stared at the pair of them curiously, watching Xarius slide off of Phish's chest onto his bed, chuckling in a little squid way. Phish watched him lay in the sheets lazily, sighing contently. The older Inkling stood up, getting off his bed, then began walking off to the front door of the house, Pirah following him with her curious gaze. He walked out of the house, peering over the hills towards Inkopolis in the distance, finding the smoke had died down.
Phish turned to the right back into the house. "Looks like the fire's died down. I'll take a look and see just how much money you generated, eh?"
Phish walked out onto the grassy face of the hill. The breeze began to catch on. Switching to squid, he was just about prepared to leap off towards Inkopolis.
"Hold on! I'm coming too!" Pirah called out, running outside.
Phish stared back at Pirah. Cradling Xarius in her arms, she switched into a squid, leaning next to Phish, still holding Xarius close.
"...You're coming with me." Phish stated, as less of a question.
"Yep! I mean, someone's gonna have to apologize. Even if I get… You know." Pirah shrugged.
Phish sighed. "Alright."
With that said, Phish jetted off into the sky with a burst of blue. Pirah followed closely behind with Xarius in tow, the three squids leaping towards the remaining smoke.
A sprinkler trickled water onto charred grass. Phish and Pirah stared at a large shrimp in a fireman's uniform, who nodded at the couple of squids. A large set of tall buildings with windows and balconies decorating each floor in a symmetrical pattern laid behind them, the burnt greenery just a few feet away from the apartment complex.
"Yeah, turns out that the grill we found laying outside just burnt the grass up a bit. Nothing too problematic." The shrimp spoke up.
"So I'm not an ar-" Pirah began.
"So then no major damage was inflicted?" Phish cut in.
"Nah. Unless you count the irritated crowd protesting the news station constantly blowing things out of proportion and the insurance fraud." The shrimp stated.
As he said that, an explosion went off into the distance, colors of the rainbow splashing down by their feet. A multicolored tire rolled by, flames dying out on top as it rolled. The fireman shook his head, Phish hiding a smirk.
"People get heated up easily around these parts. I'd douse 'em if I could, you know-" The shrimp joked.
Phish stared over across his shoulder, clanging in the distance. "...Someone's waving a stop sign."
"Oh not again." The shrimp gasped, waving to them, running off.
"Well, I guess that means you can go home now." Phish spoke up, staring over at the crowd, "Though depending on the level of rioting I'd say that it might be better to look into a hotel room or something."
Pirah nodded, staring at Phish. "Thanks again for letting us stay over."
"No problem, I suppose. It was only a few minutes, right?" Phish shrugged, "Hey, hold on... Do you hear dripping?"
Xarius squeaked. Phish glanced behind Pirah, where a small waterfall coming from the top floor leaked out from one of the rooms. Pirah began to sweat somewhat.
"So… Would you happen to be free sometime soon?" Pirah asked.
"Might as well buy a guest bed while I'm out." Phish deadpanned, "By the way, how did you NOT know your apartment was on fire?"
"I panicked! It's fire, okay?" Pirah frowned.
"Well now your apartment is flooded." Phish pointed out.
"Well now I get to stay over at your house!" Pirah smirked.
Both Phish and Pirah sighed, albeit for two different reasons on the "relief" spectrum. Phish walked off, keeping away from the mob and its colorful, destructive tendencies. Soon after Phish walked off, he returned, arching an eyebrow.
"You coming?" Phish asked.
"Oh, um, sure!" Pirah smiled.
Phish nodded, walking off again, giving a quick glance. Pirah continued smiling, staying in one spot, staring at the location Phish left.
"...Oy, when are ya gonna get married?" Xarius asked.
Pirah blinked, shaking her head with a grin directed downwards,"Xarius!"
"I'm just saying. You keep staring at him funny." Xarius squeaked.
"...I'm waiting it out little brother. You know, like a shark awaiting its prey... Or something?"
Xarius's small squid brow furrowed. "What does that even mean?"
"You'll get it when you're older." Pirah grinned, rubbing Xarius' little red-blue head.
"Pirah! I doubt you'll want to sleep on the floor!" Phish yelled from across the block.
"Alright, hold on!" Pirah grinned, a bewildered look on the younger squid's face.
While Xarius had no idea what her older sister meant, he was glad that this person was watching out for her. Phish stood at the end of a sidewalk waiting for them. He stared back at them an eyebrow arched. Pirah beamed at Phish, who rolled his eyes, giving a small smile back. In the middle of their silent conversation, Pirah unfortunately did not notice a small pebble stranded in the middle of the sidewalk.
"Whoa!" Pirah gasped, nearly tripping.
"Ah, geez!" Phish groaned, moving in to catch her.
Xarius smiled. Perhaps Pirah found the pillow needed to cushion her falls. For the most part anyways, as Xarius felt himself zooming into the air, landing safely luckily. The other two Inklings on the other hand were stuck on the ground, Pirah laughing at the stumble while Phish mumbled under his breath. Xarius blinked. Hopefully.
Years later, Xarius sails the seas, map in tow, a crew of pirates on deck. Hueli the macaw sat perched on his shoulder as he stared straight ahead through the water. Despite Xarius' undying determination to locate his elder sister, one thought itched at the back of his head.
"...I still don't get it at all, sis." He thought.
Oddly enough, he heard Pirah's voice as if she were right besides him. "Then you better hurry up and find me so I can tell you Xarius!"
Xarius smirked, giving his cap a brief flick as he and his crew sailed across the ocean, the sun fading, the waves churning, and the seagulls chirping overhead.
AN: Family is family, no matter how often they annoy or pester you. Of course, I shouldn't be teaching morals because there's always that one guy who brings up an exception. Eh, at least as long as you aren't part of the Kazama family from Tekken.
Goodness. Certainly quite an audience here tonight. Thanks Ultrapyre, write n wrong, Rynowm, and Darkstar248 for reviewing! Yeah, sorry about that small plot hole Ultrapyre, I feel like if I wrote her in a better excuse or made her seem more panicked that might make more sense. Sheesh, sometimes I think you'd be the better author of this story! write n wrong, you hit the nail right on the head, the Squidoween pun was a bit off. Of course, "Shalloween" based on shallow waters and "Halloween" and "Allshallowtide" based on "Allhallowtide" might've been a stretch, oh well, had fun making up the names while it lasted. Rynowm, I'm sure we all slacked off with a game of Donkey Kong or…something. The barrels are free, so I suppose your turn is whenever you feel like it! Finally, Darkstar248, sorry man, you seem like you really like giantesses, but I don't think I'd be able to write them in the way you'd like it… Sorry again.
Thanks for reading, this is ThePizzaLovingTurtle, off to sleep. That's… Pretty much it, see you.
Oh, on a side note, Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers who exist I guess. Hope you guys have fun or something.