Special Co-Writers of the chapter: Anon 3 from The Anon Train and my delusional dreamscapes. We worked about as hard as you might believe. This is your last and final warning. Have fun.

Splatoon: The Brothers and the Others

Who Wants to Play Hangman?

The wind whistled past Splin's face as he hung from the cliff. The Inkling boy blinked tiredly down at the pool of sharks circling underneath him hungrily. His eyes strained down dizzily at them.

"...Huh." He murmured and became aware of the burning sensation on his throat.

Splin glanced up at the cliff of sorts. Attached to the cliff at the very end of the dirt slope was a lightly tied rope with a lit candlestick at the end of the cliff. The candle had already set the rope alight and the embers were doing a fine job of loosening Splin's noose for him while simultaneously inviting him to a nice delightful shark bath. Splin's tired eyes traced the rope down towards what he found was his own neck. Despite the "pain" in his neck Splin continued to hang slack with his arms by his side. He yawned almost plaintively and yet mundanely.

There came a thrilling series of chortles. "You're awake. Right on schedule..."

Splin rubbed his neck. Whether from confusion or due to the fact his neck was being wrenched to kingdom come was debatable but he continued to rub. His eyes tracked across a desolate white landscape to a desk adjacent to the pool. A gigantic office chair turned backwards towered over the small table.

Splin stared at the office chair in silence for quite some time until a grunt of annoyance came out from behind it. "Ask who's there."

"..." Splin blinked as his tired black Inkling eyelids crusted underneath.

There was an audible scoff as the chair whirled around. All tidied up in a neat business suit sat Ari Jabin glaring up at Splin. "Krilling my entrance here Splin."

"...Ari?" Splin tilted his head.

"Judge Ari." He pointed back at himself proudly with his thumb. "Promoted just recently as a matter of fact."

"From what?" Splin tilted his head.

"Janitor." He answered with another proud nod.

"Makes perfect sense.." Splin scratched underneath his neck tiredly. "So what is this then?"

Ari arched an eyebrow in surprise. "Your trial? Were the sharks not obvious enough?"

Splin snuck a sneak peek down towards the pool below. The circle of sharks stopped circling for a brief second and gazed up at him. In their bowler hats and business suits they waved back at Splin, smiling, and Splin felt compelled to wave back.

He turned, or at least tried to, in his noose to Ari. "...I don't see a jury."

"Uh." Ari blinked for a moment and scratched underneath his Jungle Hat.

"Or a lawyer or a prosecutor." Splin scratched his chin. "As a matter of fact I don't think you even count. You don't have a gavel or robes."

"Shut up!" Ari shouted from the ground orange-faced. "What would you know about courtrooms Splin?"

"I played Ace Squidtorney for one." He put simply. "And this does not look like a courtroom."

"Yeah? Well at least I don't use overt references to stupid junk." Ari snorted smoke out of his nostrils.

"I don't point out problems with other people." Splin retorted irritably.

"...You DO!" Ari shouted back in irritation. "Alright, hang on!"

As if Cod himself decided to intervene for Ari's sake a set of blinds draped down from the sky and wrapped around him and the desk. For a brief moment Splin reached behind him and groped at his head and neck and reached for something.

"...Oh right." He remembered as he brushed past the rope tied around his neck.

Suddenly the curtain unraveled, fell to the floor, and revealed that Ari now donned a classic black robe. He continued to wear his Jungle Hat for some odd reason. A neat wooden gavel sat besides his arms crossed on the table.

"Hahah!" Ari laughed quite fakely as he glared back at Splin. "Who's the judge now?"

For a brief moment Splin smirked.

"...It was all I could think of!" Ari cried out in frustration.

"No, no, that robe fits you perfectly." Splin rolled his eyes. "It's so cool. I'm sure if I weren't a male I'd be all over you."

"I know." Ari spoke plainly as he adjusted his robe.

"I think you're still forgetting one thing your Honor." Splin cleared his throat. "There isn't an attorney or a jury in sight."

Ari smirked back. "Or is there?"

Splin gazed around the "courtroom" sleepily. There was nothing else but a white expanse of nothing that sprawled on for miles. The infinite canvas was empty save for Splin, Ari, and the sharks as they prowled in the pool underneath. The very same marine predators had grown bored as their young meal continued to dangle over them and swam aimlessly in a counterclockwise fashion as they waited.

"The sharks?" Splin asked out of the blue.

"No they're the guards obviously." Ari explained boredly. "But speaking of sharks, may I present to you sir, the jury!"

Another set of curtains draped down from the ceiling. Unlike the first set however the heavens must not have fastened them to the sky properly as the drapes simply fluttered down to the floor in front of the cliff.

Splin blinked at it in confusion. "What."

The sheets were whisked off by a sudden gust of wind. Splin, helpless to resist, was swung like a pendulum on the cliff as the wind blew him by. Despite the sudden movement Splin's neck still felt fine if not a little stuffy. His vision blurred for a split second and returned in the same time.

"Ah." Splin blinked down. "...Hi everyone."

"Oh my Cod! Splin!" Cried out Sharq from the front row seat.

A jury box filled to the brim with familiar faces gazed back at Splin. Sharq's mouth gaped open in horror from the front seat with his Takoroka Mesh cap tilted up to reveal his terrified eyes. Adjacent to Sharq sat Willie and Zip, the both of them sprawled across the bench sleepily, the two Inklings slumbered across one another.

"...Eh?" Xarius blinked from the back row lazily. "What in shell…?"

Lalai and Prothe sat next to each other each in the middle of snoozing. They did, at least, until a moment passed and they awoke and noticed each other.

"Wagh!" The two toppled over in their seats.

"...Oh joy." Splin sighed as he swung from the rope. "Now everybody's here."

Ari stared at the jury somewhat sadly. "...Tai didn't come with you guys?"

"Look, Ari, I dunno what's going on." Splin admitted with a yawn. "But can I just wake up now?"

"No!" Ari pointed back at Splin angrily. "This is my court and you will adhere to my rules!"

Sharq's fear dissipated into absolute bewilderment. "Court? Dream? Huh?"

"I don't even know what I'm being tried for." Splin complained and scratched at the noose. "Or why I'm still alive!"

Ari switched into squid form, reached at the gavel with his tentacles, and pounded down on the desk with it. "Order in the court!"

"Pela please…" Zip murmured and buried her head into Willie's chest tiredly. "It's our day off."

"There are plenty of things you're guilty of!" Ari shouted up at him which continued to stir the sleep-crossed lovers.

"...I'm not going to deny that but could you at least tell me specifically?" Splin asked as he began to stop swinging.

"It is simple really." Ari shrugged and reached into his robe. "...Uh...one second...aha!"

He pulled out a familiar Super Sea Snail. Salty blinked in confusion as Ari showcased the bewildered snail.

"Drat. Hold a minute." Ari muttered and flung the snail into the jury box.

Xarius ducked as the snail sailed into the box. Still on the floor of the box Lalai followed suit and avoided the shell as it flew past. Prothe ducked as well. Only for some peculiar reason it continued to swirl above his head.

Prothe scowled at the Super Sea Snail as it spun above. "Don't you dare."

Salty, dizzy and unaware of what was about to happen, pivoted and slammed into the jury box. Without a moment to spare the shell exploded in the box and sent everyone flying.

"Looks like Team Side Characters' blasting off again!" The other characters screamed as they flew off into the great white beyond.

Sharq lifted his head off of the ground with a groan. "Owie…"

"Guess the jury can't deliver a verdict. I'd like to wake up now please." Splin complained and attempted to shrink into a squid. As he did he found himself stuck in the noose with the rope still wrapped around his squid body. "Please?"

"I would also like him to wake up." Sharq muttered on the ground with his arm in the air. "This kinda hurts…"

Ari blinked at the remnants of the jury box reduced to singed cinders by the explosion. With a heavy sigh he reached into his robes and pulled out a small remote of sorts with a single red button on it. "Fine."

"...What was I guilty of anyways?" Splin asked as he continued to hang taut in his squid form.

"Being an overly depressing wreck. Now get out before you ruin anymore of my moxie." Ari scowled and pressed the button.

"What?!" Splin scowled down at him. "It was just one tiiiiiiime!"

The candle on the rope burst alight in an inferno. That inferno caused a chain reaction in which a sudden siren pierced the scene. Along the cliffside chugged a sudden fire truck that materialized from seemingly nowhere with a hose aimed down at the fire already. The hose sprayed out a strong blast of pressurized water…

And knocked Splin straight off of the face of the cliff into the pool of sharks.

Everyone stared at the pool. The sharks within slowed down their swim and stared at the puddle of blue that surfaced in the water almost immediately.

"Tada!" A voice called from the fire truck. Out popped Tai's head which smiled down at the ground. "Am I late?"

Ari gasped in glee. "My dearest!"

The Octoling narrowed her eyes down at the judge. "...Missed a spot."

Just as the hose aimed down at the floor below the cliff Sharq shivered as he stared down at the pool below. Then, his knees buckled, and he fell backwards into unconsciousness.

"Aaaaaaagh!" Sharq screamed as he rose out of his bed in a fit.

"Sharq!" Came an annoyed voice from the right along with a sudden pillow projectile.

Sharq was silenced almost immediately as the pillow collided with his face softly. He wiped the cushion off of his face and blinked tiredly.

"It's the middle of the night." Splin yawned angrily. "Go to sleep."

"...Splin…" Sharq piped up.

With a huff, Splin settled back onto his bed, his blankets draped over him. "What?"

"Just so you know…" Sharq tossed the pillow back onto his bed. "If you were...you know...in danger you would tell me right?"

"Whuh?" Splin blinked and nestled his head into his pillows. "Sure I guess."

"...Okay." Sharq sighed in relief. "I believe you."

"Go to sleep Sharq." Splin muttered and covered his head with another pillow and shut his eyes.

"One more thing Splin." The eldest cleared his throat.

"Mm." Splin muttered already half-asleep.

Sharq smiled hopefully. "I don't care what Ari says. I don't think you're a depressing wreck at all!"

Splin's eyes shot open. "What the sh-"

AN: Happy April Fools?

Thanks for reading. This is ThePizzaLovingTurtle, see you in the future.