Splatoon: The Brothers and the Others

Happy Ann-i-versary!

The Bate household was silent in the dead of night. The one main room was almost entirely pitch black, with hardly a sound aside from the occasional whistle of the breeze from the broken roof.

Nestled deep under the covers of his bed, Splin rested, deep in sleep. His bed was a mess as ever, as his headphones and his laptop laid on top of his sheets. Splin himself was deep in sleep, his eyes shut and his tentacles lying around in a messy style, neither of which were restrained by a hairband. In spite of its conditions, Splin continued to snore, undeterred by the clutter. Aside from him, the other bed laid empty and rustled, with Sharq nowhere to be seen.

"...Why are we all watching this kid sleep?" A gruff voice questioned.

"Everyone, shush! It's build-up. Any second now, rival shall arise from the covers of night, and be promptly surprised!"

There was a fit of grumbling, but otherwise, the room remained silent. A few seconds passed, and Splin continued sleeping, oblivious to the intruders.

"The cake's getting stale."

"Shh! Pela!"

"I'm just saying. We have to dig in soon."

"We can't, he hasn't come back yet."

"I don't understand what I'm doing here."

"Because Xarius is horribly impulsive. If we are to use the map to find-"

"Oy. We'll get BACK to that soon. This is a family affair."

"Guys, guys, shut up, you're all being dumb."

"Tai, so help me, if you don't-"

"Ari...like...who are these people? Why are we here?"

"Ah, remember how I was telling you about my beloved-"

"Gasp! No way! Is she your girlfriend? Whoever that voice is?"

"No, not really."

"Ah, such a joker. You should see her."

"Alright," Splin shouted and rose up in his bed, "Who's there?"

The entire room stopped and returned to dead silence. Splin squinted his eyes in the dark.

"Um."

"Everybody shut up...or whatever. Maybe if he doesn't hear us-"

Splin practically leaped out of bed, grabbing his headphones and placing them around his neck. Unceremoniously, his laptop fell to the floor with a thud. Quickly, Splin leaped for the closest light switch and flicked it on and glared at the rest of the room as light flooded in. He squinted as the light poured into the room. As the house lit up, Splin's hearts skipped a beat.

"...Hi, B?" Lalai added.

Ari rolled his eyes. "Where's your clam enthusiasm, people? Cod, alright, looks like it's up to me to save face."

Ari strolled out from the cast of characters sitting beside the kitchen counter. Rit and Bas sat on the top of the counter, whispering to one another. On the counter, a tall, three-layer cake rested on the table. Pela and Willie, garbed in messy chef uniforms, stood frozen in place like chef statues. Zip leaned on the counter, giving her brightest smile. Xarius, Ityl, and Alabaso lounged on the stools from afar. The two long-tentacle Inklings stayed clean away from one another while Xarius sat in between the both of them. Lalai sat lounged on the floor, the Tele-Cube sitting in her lap.

Splin stared at the group in absolute awe. A few seconds of elongated staring passed, before someone shouted, "Surprise!" The whole household quickly joined in with their own cheers and greetings, which ended up sounding like a strangled chorus.

"Oy!" Xarius called with a wave.

"Hi?" Splin waved back.

Lalai chuckled. "I'm surprised we lasted as long as we could. You must be a deep sleeper!"

Before he could react, Ari walked forward and stopped in front of Splin with the most unexpected of gestures: an outstretched hand. "Congratulations, rival! Who's the lucky lady?"

"The who?" Splin asked tiredly.

Ari chuckled. "Your anniversary?"

"My what?" Splin wondered aloud.

Ari's smile dropped. "...Did you forget?"

Splin sighed. "Can someone tell me what's going on before-"

"I told you it was his birthday." Pela scowled.

Willie gulped and stretched the collar of his chef uniform. "Shooooooooot."

Zip glanced over at the cake. "Maybe we can make some adjustments…"

"Alright, hold on," Splin announced and began to walk to the kitchen, "First of all, can someone explain what's going on and why you're all here. Second of all-"

The room erupted with noise. Almost immediately, everyone began to explain, resulting in a cacophony of people talking over each other.

Amidst the noise, Splin shouted, "One at a time! One at a- Oof!"

Splin yelped as he backed into the large cake. Almost as if they were activated in response, Pela and Willie jumped in front of the cake. The cake, promptly dragged by gravity, toppled on top of them. As it collapsed where it fell, Splin's eyes widened as he noticed something fall off the top layer. Quickly, he reached out with both of his hands, catching the object as it fell. Splin frowned, stood back up, and stared into the palms of his hands.

"You're in on this too?" Splin asked, already exasperated.

"You woke up a little earlier than expected, Splin," Ann-Gel admitted.

Willie nearly dropped the cake. "That thing's alive?"

"That explains the box," Pela muttered with a grunt, holding the cake tight.

Ann-Gel smiled weakly. "That's the last time I try to sleep."

"...What did you guys put on her?" Splin asked aloud as he inspected the Inkling.

Splin thought he saw her face flush. Ann-Gel glanced down at the white bridal dress she was draped in, then looked back up at Splin with a pout. Her pedestal was coated with a slight layer of cake residue. Splin then took notice of something on the ground. Another statuette of an Inkling dressed in a fine black suit laid stranded on the floor. The both of them glanced at the rest of the party.

Zip shrugged. "We weren't aware of what we were celebrating either, Splin."

Across the table, Rit cleared her throat. "We assumed, y'know, anniversary meant-"

"I'm only seventeen," Splin explained with a scowl as he placed Ann-Gel back on the table, "And single."

Alabaso scoffed. "That's nothing. I've seen relationships as young as-"

"Oy," Xarius muttered as he clamped his hands over Alabaso's mouth, "Ain't necessary."

"Can we talk about the talking figure?" Willie suggested aloud as he eyed Ann-Gel suspiciously.

"I dunno, can you take off this dress?" Ann-Gel complained.

Splin shook his head. "Seriously, does ANYONE know what's going on?"

Splin looked at each of the people present. Each and every person just stared at one another and began to mutter quietly. Willie and Pela pushed the toppled cake back on the table and stared at each other with concerned looks.

"Maybe he meant birthday."

"No, pretty sure he meant anniversary."

Frustrated, Splin shouted, "Someone! Anyone! Any context is fine, just tell me what's going-"

Just then, the roof splintered open as Sharq fell through.

"On," Splin finished.

The kitchen counter was about as cluttered as it could be. A ruined cake, a fancily dressed amiibo, and now an Inkling and several planks of shattered wood laid on top of the surface. Soon enough, everyone began to crowd around the table and stare at Sharq as he laid face down on the desk.

"Did Sharq just die?" Tai remarked as she popped up from under the counter.

Suddenly, everyone turned their attention to the Octoling. Tai blinked, then stared at each one of them.

"Just checking," she remarked as she crawled back underneath the counter.

"Is anyone going to talk about THAT?" Zip chimed in concerned.

Splin scowled. "Oh boy, I think I know where this is headed."

Suddenly, Sharq lifted up his face from the table with a smile. He opened his mouth to speak, only to cough up sawdust and a few pieces of wood. Spitting the wood out, he jumped off the table and walked up to Ari.

"Great work, Ari!" Sharq cheered, "It looks like almost everyone's here!"

Ari scoffed but beamed nonetheless. "Did you expect anything less from the amazing-"

"Splin!" Sharq called out as he walked past.

Ari practically deflated. With a sigh, he resigned himself to the table once more. Hands behind his back, Sharq walked up to the still tired Splin.

"Guess what day it is!" Sharq asked with a smile.

"...Anniversary day?" Splin asked aloud.

Sharq grinned from ear to ear. "You remembered!"

"Not really. What anniversary are we celebrating?" Splin asked with a scowl.

Sharq smiled again and planted his hands on his sides. "Why, the one-year anniversary of course! The anniversary of our story!"

Everyone in the room sat in complete silence. Bewildered looks were shared between the rest of the cast as they whispered to one another.

"...Oh yeah," Splin muttered blankly, "I forgot about that."

Sharq nodded enthusiastically. "Today I had a bunch of things planned! First, I- Huh?"

Sharq watched, almost just as confused as Splin walked back to his bed, shoved his computer off the bed, and crawled back underneath the covers. Boredly, Splin removed his headphones from his head, placed it on the floor, and laid on his side.

"Splin?" Sharq asked aloud.

"Feel free to do that, I'm going back," Splin muttered drowsily.

Sharq pouted. "Come on Splin! I did this for you."

"Yeah, but it really doesn't matter," Splin announced.

"Jeez, that's kinda cold," Pela remarked.

Sharq's shoulders sank. "Why?"

"Don't get me wrong," Splin sighed, "I appreciate the festivities, I really do."

"Then why don't you come celebrate with us?" Sharq asked aloud.

Splin cocked one eye open, sat up, and stared Sharq straight in the eyes. "Because you're not real."

"...What?"

"This is a just a dream after all," Splin remarked plainly as he tucked himself into bed.

Splin opened his eyes slowly. He blinked a few times until his vision cleared. Slowly but surely, he sat up on his bed and glanced around his house. His home was absent besides himself, illuminated by the morning light. Turning to his left, he peered at the alarm clock, which ticked away at the time as the seconds passed. With a sigh, Splin rested back on the bed and began to close his eyes.

"Splin, if you fall asleep again, you're going to miss out on breakfast," a voice chided him.

Splin's ears pricked up in the air. Almost at supersonic speed, Splin threw the covers off of his bed, sat upright on the mattress, and gawked at the right side of his bed.

Standing nearby his bed, smiling down at him was Maria. "Now that I've got your attention," she announced as she leaned down.

Splin stared at her, awestruck. He felt numb as she smooched his forehead and lightly rubbed the top of his head.

"Like Sharq said," she announced, "Happy one-year anniversary."

Splin sighed as he sat in bed, his eyelids already getting heavy. "You've all got a really cruel sense of humor."

"You learn to live with it," Phish muttered as he sat by.

"Mm!" Pirah nodded happily. "Have a nice nap, Splin!"

Splin tried his best to feign an angry face as he drifted back off to sleep. Within seconds upon his head hitting the pillow, he began to nod off. His vision blurred and he lost sensation in his body as he slipped away into the recesses of dreamland.

"Come on…" he slurred, "Just when it was getting good…"

AN: This isn't an allegory for anything, trust me.

Happy one-year, three days late anniversary of this story! You're all champions in my eyes for somehow reading this far.

Thanks, R.C.D. and Guest for reviewing.

I dunno R.C.D., you might be right about that theory, and you might be wrong. Who knows?

Thanks, Guest 1 and 2. At least, I think you're two different people. Still, nice to know there are still people relatively invested in the story.

Thanks for reading, this is ThePizzaLovingTurtle, off for another day.