Mon-El watched passively as Vindicators worked together to bring down a giant robot in a large open space away from the city. Brainiac 5 was at his side also analyzing the fight in his own way. Ultra Boy, Colossal Boy, Shadow Lass, Sun Boy, and Light Lass engaged the giant robot sending it on its ass. All of them were capable of flight and wore black uniforms. Sun Boy blasted the robot with flames to keep it down. Colossal Boy then jumped on the giant robot making sure to teabag the thing. With the robot pinned to the ground, Colossal Boy ripped its head off and threw it in the air where Ultra Boy caught it.
"Like carrying a bird when I got ultra-strength activated," Ultra Boy boasted as he carried the robot head over his shoulders.
Mon fired on him with his right hand stunning him. "Oh, shit!" Ultra-Boy cried out.
"Go invulnerable, man," Sun Boy advised as he fired on Mon.
"Only one ultra-power at a time. If I become invulnerable, I lose strength," Ultra Boy reminded him.
Mon emerged from the flames unaffected. Ultra Boy finally threw off the robot's head, threatening the city in the process to escape. Light Lass swooped in and made the robot head weightless as she suspended it above her head. "You all lack discipline," Mon said unimpressed.
"Lighten up," Light Lass said to him as she gently placed the robot's head down.
Ultra Boy, Sun Boy, and Light Lass flew in a formation toward Mon. "She definitely knows how to make things rise. Get it? I meant my penis," Ultra-Boy said to Sun Boy.
"I don't know why I ever went out with you," Light Lass said unimpressed.
"Was it the Ultra-dick?" Sun Boy joked.
"Or you, for that matter. Wow, I feel like the team slut," Light Lass realized.
Star Boy joined the formation as well. Shadow Lass stretched out her shadow to stop Mon from moving. Star Boy then fired a beam at Mon to dramatically increase his mass. As a consequence, Mon felt his feet crush the concrete underneath him. The ground gave way and began to sink underneath Mon's new weight. Mon gritted his teeth as he experienced the intense increase in mass. He went Super Insane to relieve some of the pressure. With Mon unable to move, Sun Boy, Light Lass, and Ultra Boy fired beams at him. There was an intense explosion of fire, lightning, and energy. When the smoke cleared, Mon was gone.
Well...shit," Star Boy realized.
Mon instantly appeared right next to them and blasted them all to the ground. Colossal Boy tried to intervene with his massive but slowing-moving fist. Mon gave him an uppercut knocking him out. With his instant transmission, Mon could teleport himself anywhere he had already been. The rearranging of his molecular structure from one place to another made him now immune to Star Boy's power. "We have a new recruit," Brainiac 5 informed Mon.
"Alright, you know the drill. Make him feel welcome," Mon ordered his fallen Vindicators and then took off.
"No one tells Cosmic Boy we got fucked up," Star Boy groaned.
At the Vindicator headquarters, Kara entered Brainiac 5's command center. "What's the deal with Lallor?" she asked.
"Your strategy to persuade the Lallorians to give the vote to those under eighteen has given us a political majority that will back admittance to the Galactic Federation," Brainiac 5 told her.
"As I always say, no taxation without representation," Kara smiled.
"A curious approach to child labor policy," Brainiac 5 noted.
"Hey, if we outlaw child labor in the galaxy, families will starve to death. These people are not being oppressed by their employers. They're being oppressed by their needs," Kara argued. "The free market can sort it all out."
"It always does," Brainiac 5 said skeptically.
"What's the matter, Barney? Can your drones not compete with little alien girls in sweatshops?" Kara mocked.
"There's more to commercial costs than production. I have to compete with transportation costs, bulk shipments, and tariffs," Brainiac 5 said. "On the other hand, if I am too efficient it could shut down the private sector on a great many planets creating high unemployment rates and low wages."
"Like Wal-Mart," Kara said wide-eyed.
"Our Vindicator recruiters have been officially outlawed on New Krypton," Brainiac 5 added.
"Those mother-fuckers!" Kara said pissed off. "We're going to have to change their minds, American style."
"As you wish," Brainiac 5 humored her.
"That's the kind of attitude I expect from you, Barney. Keep up the good work," Kara said as she left.
Mars
Alex and Kelly ate breakfast together in the cafeteria at the Mars base. Using the replicator, they fashioned themselves a typical breakfast from the 21st century. Brainiac 5 came over to them to check up on their progress. "Did the prosthetic accomplish its task?" he asked.
"It did more than that, Barney," Kelly said brightly.
"I am pleased you found the design satisfactory," Brainiac 5 said.
"When is the soonest you can find out when I'm pregnant?" Alex asked bluntly.
"Two weeks after conception for a reliable test," Brainiac 5 replied.
"I guess that's how long we're staying here," Alex stalled.
"Kara would prefer it if you both stayed with her in Metropolis," Brainiac 5 said.
"I have a lifetime to explore her ideal version of Earth. Right now, I'm comfortable on Mars," Alex shot him down.
"Very well. Should you run out of test tubes, I can manufacture more sperm from your brother's DNA," Brainiac 5 informed Kelly.
She immediately spat out her coffee. "I'm sorry. This is just a little unusual for me," Kelly admitted.
"Interesting. You never had a lesbian client that discussed the possibility of using her partner's brother's sperm to conceive a child?" Brainiac 5 asked.
"You know, if you break down how many people that self-identify as lesbians and then break it down further to those who would even consider such a proposition, it's a very low number, so no," Kelly said.
"It just seems logical to pass on at least some of your genes as opposed to that of a perfect stranger," Brainiac 5.
"You make a great case, Barney, but you're making this breakfast conversation weird now," Alex said, impatient with him.
"Should you need any assistance with your conception, be sure to let me know," Brainiac 5 offered and then walked off.
"So, how are you holding up?" Alex asked Kelly.
"Well, my lower back is hurting a little bit," she admitted.
"We can take a break and I can be the one to penetrate you. I know that's something you're into," Alex said.
"It's something you're into," Kelly smiled.
Alex gave her a blank look. "Okay, after this pregnancy, the birth, the breastfeeding, and when things go back to normal again, I want to go back to being...dominant."
"You see, that's not too hard. Of course, Alex," Kelly said passively.
"I feel like you would be the better mother between us. It's just that you have a brother and I don't," Alex said awkwardly. "So, here we are."
"You're going to be a great mother, Alex. Being pregnant and giving birth may not be in the cards for me, but I don't have any regrets," Kelly assured her.
"Well...," Alex said as she drank down her orange juice. "I guess we better get back to work."
Earth
Colossal Boy, Ultra Boy, Light Lass, and Sun Boy made their way to the Vindicator headquarters to find the new recruit. "My true height is 20 meters which is ten times as tall as a human. So, you can imagine my penis is also ten times bigger," Colossal Boy said to Light Lass.
"You don't want anything to do with Light Lass. When she orgasms, she shocks the fuck out of you," Sun Boy revealed.
"At least I don't make someone feel like their genitals are on fire like you," Light Lass shot back.
"Unlike you, I can control my powers. I get the ladies all hot and bothered," Sun Boy boasted.
"Until they realize you're afraid of the dark. I've never had sex with anyone with the lights on until you," Light Lass mocked.
"I have to say, Phantom Girl and I are a perfect match. With her intangibility, I can get to fifth base," Ultra-Boy said proudly.
"Nice," the other three complimented.
The four then encountered a teenager wearing a bland uniform with no rank. "You, kid, what the fuck are you doing here?" Ultra Boy asked rudely.
"Am I not supposed to be...," the teen wondered.
"He's one of Barney's new recruits. He even squeaks like one," Sun Boy mocked.
"Don't mind them. What do you do, kid?" Light Lass asked getting close and personal with him.
"I'll show you," the teen said and then turned invisible.
"He's not registering on any wavelength," Ultra Boy reported using his super-vision.
"Even the Dominators don't have that kind of cloak. I say we experiment on his ass and coat our ships with his DNA," Light Lass suggested.
"If it's just visual, my dog could find his ass," Ultra Boy said dismissively.
"Well, I think he's kind of cute. We need to get him out of his clothes though," Light Lass smiled flirtatiously. "He needs a code name. How about Invisible Kid?"
"Sure, fuck it," Ultra Boy agreed.
"If you're going to give him a code name, you have to do it right. Colossal Boy, here, is actually a shrimp compared to the rest of his people. He really should be called Micro Lad," Sun-Boy teased.
"You shut your whore mouth," Colossal-Boy raged as he got massively bigger.
"Why do we all have to go by boy or girl? What about non-binary aliens?" Light Lass brought up.
"Yeah, who the fuck knows what gender Chameleon is?" Sun Boy agreed.
The four then noticed Invisible Kid hadn't said a word and hadn't returned back to normal. "Is he still here?" Ultra-Boy wondered. There was an awkward silence.
"Did he just leave?" Sun Boy questioned.
"Shit," Light Lass realized they were in trouble.
"We got this. We just get Timber Wolf to sniff him out," Ultra Boy said obviously.
"If we don't find him, we are so fucked," Sun Boy lamented.
Mars
After a good morning session, Alex and Kelly took a break from procreation and went to explore Mars a little. They walked outside the base and explored the city a bit encountering curious Green Martians as they did. The Green Martians would occasionally stop what they were doing and stare at them. Even the kids would point at them.
"What? Never seen a human before?" Alex asked them.
"Apologies, it's just we've never encountered ones like you," one female Green Martian said.
"What do you mean?" Alex asked crossly.
"Human homosexuals," she replied.
"Telepathy, I get it. It's not as rare as you might think," Alex told her.
"Ever since the cure was developed on Earth, very few willfully decide to remain so," the Green Martian said.
"The cure?" Kelly asked puzzled.
"Yes, gene therapy switches a human's sexuality from one to another. I understand now why you're confused. You're not from this time," the Green Martian said reading their minds. "But I'm curious why you didn't tell her."
Alex gave Kelly an awkward look. "Okay, I knew of it but it's not relevant. Neither of us is going to take the pill," Alex excused.
"I think that's something you should have told me before we went to the future," Kelly said annoyed. "I've spent years refuting this cure nonsense."
"Well, it's not nonsense in this time. Technology, it is a bitch," Alex said.
"This cure is voluntary, right?" Kelly asked.
"It is but homosexuality has no rights on Earth," the Green Martian told her. "In some regions, it is discouraged by the human religion,"
"I need to take a walk," Kelly said leaving the city.
Alex followed her into the wilderness. "We're going to be fine," she told her.
"And what about everyone else?" Kelly asked. "A voluntary cure? That's bullshit."
"We have an opportunity to show this future society that homosexuals can have stable loving relationships that are more than capable of raising children. We may be the only homosexual human couple on Earth that anyone knows of. We can be that example that can bring others out of the closet," Alex said ambitiously.
"You're right. We do have a role to play," Kelly agreed.
Earth
Cosmic Boy addressed several alien leaders at once via hologram at the Vindicator's command center. Cosmic Boy had the power to manipulate magnetic fields and had the potential to disrupt solar systems. He was an S-class hero with an overall rank of #3. Only Saturn Girl, Brainiac 5, and the Super-Insane royal family outranked him. The S-class heroes were the top ten Vindicators composed of Saturn Girl, Brainiac 5, Cosmic-Boy, Lightning Lad, Shrinking Violet, Ultra Boy, Sensor Girl, Dreamer, Wildfire, and Timber Wolf.
"Absolutely, my team completely understands your concerns," Cosmic Boy said bored.
"We should hope so, Cosmic Boy. The political situation is most delicate. We hope the Vindicators appreciate the gravity of the situation," a Galactic Federation Senator said. There were other Galactic Federation Senator holograms taking part in the conversation.
Cosmic Boy then noticed Star Boy and Shadow Lass trying to get his attention. "Forgive me, give me a moment," he said to the senators and then turned to Star Boy. "What is it?"
"Just saying, we took down a big-ass robot. Cut off its head," Star Boy reported.
"Star Boy, I'm in the middle of a Galactic Federation Senate meeting that involves hundreds of worlds and billions of citizens. So, with that said, tell me more," Cosmic Boy asked while the Galactic Federation Senators waited patiently.
"Are we really going to tread lightly on Lallor?" Shadow Lass asked.
"Our Vindicator battle cry is 'Beat it' and that's exactly what we're going to do. We're going to beat it until we can do no more," Cosmic Boy assured her.
"Holy shit, guys! There's a rebellion on Lallor!" Ultra Boy shouted as he entered the room.
"Well...shit," Cosmic Boy muttered.
Cosmic Boy assembled his team of rangers composed of Ultra Boy, Sun Boy, Star Boy, Colossal Boy, Triplicate Girl, and Light Lass. The six had worked often on various missions and had great comradery. For this reason, none of them snitched to Cosmic Boy they lost track of Invisible Kid.
"We got a rebellion of some kind on Lallor. Check it out and then fix it," Cosmic Boy ordered.
"What about the Prime Directive?" Sun Boy asked referring to the non-interference of alien cultures doctrine.
"Fuck the Prime Directive," Cosmic Boy said dismissively.
"Nice," all six smiled in agreement.
Ultra Boy then teleported all six instantly to Lallor. As they arrived, all six shouted out their catchphrase:
Ultra Boy: Dragon shit!
Sun Boy: Jose' Conseco!
Star Boy: Black power, motherfucker!
Colossal Boy: My dick is long!
Triplicate Girl: Fried rice!
Light Lass: Deep penetration!
Upon flipping into battle, the two quickly assessed the situation and found themselves in the middle of a bloody civil war with an army approaching them. "Holy shit," Sun Boy said as he saw the carnage of mainly young teenagers dead on the battlefield.
"They attacked us. They said they would punish us...," one teenage boy said to them. "For rebelling...they said they knew better because they were adults. How is this better?" he asked rhetorically.
"Oh, God," Invisible Kid said as he became visible.
"What the fuck? Where did you come from?" Ultra Boy wondered.
"Eyes and ears, people. I say we strike fast, strike hard," Sun Boy said of the approaching army.
"Sun-Boy, wait, this needs further guidance," Cosmic Boy stopped him via his ring hologram. "In the meantime, treat casualties."
"This is some bullshit," Star Boy said as the Lallor army continued its approach.
Earth
Cosmic Boy attempted to connect with his chain of command on how to proceed. "I merely provide guidance. Take it up to the next command," Brainiac 5 punted. Cosmic Boy then tried to get a hold of Saturn Girl on Titan. "Titan doesn't want to be involved," Saturn Girl shut him down. Cosmic Boy then tried to contact Mara at the palace.
"The people of Lallor will be in my thoughts and prayers," she punted.
"Damn it," Cosmic Boy said as he went up to the next command to try to get a hold of Kara and got her voice mail. "Well...," he wondered indecisively and decided to make a call to Mars.
Alex got a call on her watch on Mars as she went hiking with Kelly. "This is Cosmic Boy of the Vindicators. I need approval to neutralize the Lallor army that has just committed mass genocide on their young people for voting in favor of joining the Galactic Federation," he said quickly.
"Yeah, sure, whatever," Alex agreed.
"Yes, Ma'am," Cosmic Boy said and then signed off.
A dust storm then came up and threatened to overwhelm them. "That could be an issue," Alex said dryly to Kelly. "Run!"
Lallor
On Lallor, the Vindicators took cover as they were being fired upon. "You have approval to kick ass," Cosmic Boy said to Ultra Boy.
"Finally, God damn!" Ultra-Man said impatiently.
The Vindicators powered up and fought back with all of their powers. Ultra Boy fired energy beams, Sun Boy fired flames, Star Boy fired on individual tanks making them so heavy they could no longer move and collapsed, Light Lass fired electricity through scores of soldiers, and Triplicate Girl acted as a diversion as she perpetually divided herself into three every time one of her selves was killed. Colossal Boy became a giant and started crushing scores of soldiers and stomping on artillery guns. Invisible Kid turned invisible and hid as the air became thick with laser fire.
Ultra Boy then teleported away and returned with another team composed of Chameleon Boy, Karate Kid, Shadow Lass, Element Lad, and Phantom Girl. Chameleon Boy became an alien monster and started eating fools. Shadow Lass used the night to her advantage to strangle dozens of soldiers with her shadow. Element Lad gave off a pulse that liquified the soldiers' weapons. Ultra Boy suddenly blocked a beam with his chest directed at the two teams. In the end, thousands of soldiers were either dead or wounded on the battlefield with zero Vindicator casualties.
Mars
Mars was on high alert as Alex and Kelly were not accounted for. Hundreds of the Green Martians went searching for them inside the dust storm. As the two struggled to get back and could barely breathe, a Green Martian took hold of them and dropped them below the surface into the caves. "Thanks," Alex said appreciatively.
"You're Alexandra Danvers, the sister of the Supreme Leader," the Green Martian realized and took a knee before her.
"Okay, that's enough," Alex said to him.
"If you were to die on Mars, we would all be fucked," the Green Martian said anxiously.
Alex then realized the gravity of her position in this new society. "I'm sorry. We'll be more careful in the future," she said to him.
"Come this way. We will move under the storm back to the city," the Green Martian said to them.
Lallor
The next morning on Lallor, the Vindicators had sacked the capital. On top of the capitol building, Star Boy found Invisible Kid. "How was your first battle, recruit?" he asked him.
"I just turned invisible and hid," Invisible Kid admitted.
"That is so lame, but your specialty is not fighting. I think you will be one of our best spies," Star Boy predicted. "We searched everyone for your ass and couldn't find you."
"Did we really make a difference here?" Invisible Kid wondered upon seeing all the wounded being treated in the open down below.
"Shit, who really knows?" Star Boy said dismissively. "I have to say that killing all your young people is dumb as fuck."
"Will Cosmic Boy get in trouble for this?" Invisible Kid asked concernedly.
"He might get chewed out. He's been chewed out before," Star Boy said dismissively.
"Hey, I do have a question. Why are the wounded all outside? Why don't we let them inside?" Invisible Kid asked.
Star Boy stared at the tents outside and then noticed all the skyscrapers around them. "Wow, you're one smart motherfucker," he realized.
"Why do we do it?" Invisible Kid asked.
"To kick ass. Always remember that," Star Boy said to him.