Splatoon: The Brothers and the Others

How to Write The Brothers and the Others (And Other Such Drivel)

Happy Easter! Let me be the one and only person to say: Congratulations! You have read through all the prior chapters of The Brothers and the Others and The Bate Brothers! Either that or you skipped to this chapter by accident. If it's the first scenario, then good, you may continue, but if it's the second scenario, then you'll need to read all one-hundred-plus chapters of the previous stories first and the several spin-offs. Go ahead, I'll wait.

Alright, you're back! ...Well, obviously. I wasn't actually expecting you to read all that in all honesty.

So, what's up with this chapter? Where're the characters? Where's the wit? Where's the story? My dear readers, as a part of Easter 2018, which is totally not caused by other outside factors whatsoever, I, Voice, am here to learn you how to write a famous-

Eh, semi-famous-

Okay, moderately well-received-

...A fanfic.

But not just any fanfic, but an entire series! That's right, for the low price of several minutes of your time, you too can learn how to create a fanfiction series that will inadvertently be forgotten. "But Voice," you may ask, "This sounds like a cop-out. Why don't you just write?" Well, like many great questions in life, this one has a great answer to it!

I'm lazy and bored with writing.

...So without further ado, let's get started!

Part 1: The Basics

Now, in terms of fanfiction, world building is probably the easiest part. In order to demonstrate this, imagine...say a blender. To demonstrate my point, I will now use a literary device known as "allegories", an extinct form of storytelling.

Willie frowned as he inspected the notepad. Truth be told, this was his fourth time checking, and even then he was unsure if what was written on the paper was really there.

"Ziiiiiip?" Willie called.

On the opposite side of the kitchen, the door to the front of the restaurant swung open. Wiping her forehead with a white handkerchief, Zip glanced over at her boyfriend curiously. Willie motioned for her to come over with his nose still buried deep in the written notes. Zip rolled her eyes, stored the handkerchief away in her pants' pocket and strode over. She stopped behind Willie and stared down at the notes.

"Yeah, no, that's right," Zip insinuated and tapped the pad of paper with her finger.

Willie's eyes expanded exponentially. "What? Seriously?"

"That's what they ordered," Zip explained with a nod, moving her finger down the list, "All of the things on here are included."

"In one dish?" Willie questioned, scrunched his face, and scratched the back of his head.

Zip arched an eyebrow, shook her head, and tapped lower on the pad. "Not exactly what I'd call a 'dish'?"

Willie squinted, only to reel back from the paper in disgust. "Oh, gee."

"Get peeling, sweetums," Zip joked and slapped him on the back, "We're done for the day after this order."

Willie frowned and looked up. "'Sweetums'?"

When he looked up, Willie noticed the kitchen door swinging with no one else in sight. Scowling, Willie returned to the list. Eyes glued to the pad, he shuffled over to a nearby counter, reached under, and pulled up an electronic blender. Setting it on the table with one hand, Willie made his way over to the refrigerator in the back of the room, reached for the handle, and pulled it open. As he stowed the paper away, Willie reached into the fridge…

And pulled out everything.

Fanfiction starts with a world. Usually, these types of worlds are unique and interesting, and...copyrighted...but you want to make your own little slice of it. And hopefully not try to make a dime off of it.

"Alright, just...get in there!" Willie exclaimed as he forced a piece of frozen pizza into the blender.

The pizza made a "slorsh" noise as it sunk to the depths of the blender, along with cheddar, clam shells, garlic bread, three-layered cake, and muffins also stacked inside. Willie pulled the blender lid from the table and slammed it down on the top of the blender. He grunted as he shoved down on it time and time again while the clearly godly pizza refused to join the ranks of the other foods.

"Hyaaaaaaaaaaaah!" Willie screamed and swung the lid down on the blender with all his might.

The glass container immediately shattered. The foods spilled onto the table, each one now decorated with fresh glass shard toppings. Willie scowled and slammed his fist down on the table in frustration.

"Ouch!" Willie whined, eying his cut hand, "Clam it!"

Willie removed the clam from his flesh and nursed his thumb. At that moment, Zip walked back into the room, stopped mid-strut, and stared at Willie. Willie's face lit up with an orange tint as he stowed his hand behind his back and smiled sweetly at Zip. She frowned and rolled her eyes.

"Just stuff everything together and get out here," Zip replied as she began to walk back to the door.

Did you get it? Sometimes in life, you put too much effort into something, and it just breaks.

...Okay, that's not the moral, but it doesn't really matter.

Part Two: Consistency

What a lot of people don't realize that in fiction, details are just as important as in real life. Finding the contradictions is important. After all, Phoenix Wright showed us that, and that is real life in terms of court. So, how about another allegory?

"Attention my loyal Ari-deemables!" Ari called to the heavens.

Almost immediately, Ari staggered and waved his arms out for balance. Yelling out from the top of the Inkopolis Plaza catwalk, he took one quick step back and fell on the floor from the railing. Cheeks flushed, Ari hopped back on the railing and rubbed the back of his head in embarrassment(also because he landed on it but he didn't want to admit that to anyone).

In front of him, all three of his pals, Sari, Rit, and Bas sat on the floor, each one of them beaming up at him eagerly. Sari gave him a reassuring nod whereas Rit and Bas simultaneously grasped their hands together and waited for his decree.

"Right, with all of the people I've gathered, we're sure to get revenge on those meddling brothers for humiliating us!" Ari declared, "Splin and Sharq will pay!"

"You know their names?' Rit asked and tipped her finger on her chin as she gave him a curious expression.

Ari laughed and placed his hands on his hips. "Of course, I've got a fantastic memory."

"That's our leader!" Bas screamed giddily.

Sari smiled slightly, rubbing her arm. "You're ready to go, huh?"

Ari nodded and punched his fist into the sky. "Alright! Team Ari, let's go...watch other people beat them up for us!"

"Yeah!" Everyone cheered.

~Two years and a few months later~

I, Ari, have felt something I haven't felt in a long time. I've always been the star of the show, in the limelight, surrounded by fans. By friends. Today, however, that's changed. Something's different. Something's gone. Something very dear to me.

Ari looked up from the table and sighed. He laid the pen down on the table next to the inkwell, the stacks of paper, and the cup full of pens. Looking around the restaurant, he sighed again for dramatic effect. Then sighed again.

Tip: Readers never get tired of using the same verb over and over again in writing.

"Dude," Ari heard someone say, "What's up with you?"

Ari glanced behind him for a moment. There stood Zip, hands held behind her back, a concerned expression on her face.

"Right now, I'd say the momentous, crippling weight of loneliness is," Ari stated and swooned on the table, knocking over the inkwell. The puddle dripped onto the page and shaped itself into a perfect broken heart.

Zip bit the top of her lip. "...Wow. Um, okay."

The two stood/sat in silence for a good minute until Zip cleared her throat. "Your order's almost ready."

"Mmmmmmmmmmm-hm," Ari affirmed and dropped his face into the ink.

Zip shook her head. All of a sudden, a shattering noise pierced the silence of the restaurant. Zip pursed her lips, glanced back at Ari, and made her way toward the kitchen.

Part 3: Uhhhhhhhhh

Honestly, those were the only two tips I had. I'm not even sure they were properly conveyed or really good tips. Heck, I'm pretty sure they weren't really tips.

This is the part where you just sorta start writing and-

Oh! Wait, wait wait wait, I just remembered one more thing. Make sure to end each chapter off on a really anticlimactic ending that readers will LOVE. Isn't that right, reader?

Splin looked up at the ceiling and scowled. "What?"

AN: As a serious note, you should probably treat your readers with respect. After all, they're people taking time out of their lives to waste on your fanfiction!

Thanks, Guests for reviewing. I wasn't sure if making you hate jellyfish was exactly what I tried to do, but sure? I'm glad I inspired you?

Thanks for reading, this is ThePizzaLovingTurtle.

And Happy April Fools.