Splatoon: The Brothers and the Others
My Best Friend and My Ex-Friend
Chi woke up choking on a pebble. She coughed the rock out as she came to, blinked the soot out of her eyes and stared up at the ceiling in a daze. The cave ceiling above her was cracked, split into pieces, and crumbling apart as she looked on. Stalactites dislodged from the ceiling and shattered on the cavern floor as the world shook around her. Pumice shrouded the world in dark shades of brown, black and gray. Her gut felt like it was about to melt, but between the aching in her side and with the blurriness in her vision, it was difficult to concentrate on what hurt the most.
She settled on a compromise and decided to groan out in anguish.
"Chi? Chi!" A familiar voice squeaked.
Wordless, Chi let her head fall to her side as she tried to make out the figure standing upright above her. As her noggin hit the floor, she realized two things: one, she was still stuck inside of the cave. Two, falling on the cave floor hurt, and immediately clamped her hands onto her head with another pained groan.
The voice grew increasingly concerned. "No, no, no, no, no! Wake up! Chi, don't go! Wake up!"
Chi's eyes rolled back. "Ugh…"
"Oh no!" she heard, "I… Um… Oh! Don't make me do this!"
Chi continued to lay on the ground as vibrations from the rocks trembled through the floor. Her vision shook and bounced all around in a dizzying, nauseous spiral. She shut her eyes, hoping it might all clear soon.
Instead, she felt something splash on her face. She recoiled, spit and blew while she wiped her face off. As she did, she felt her head threaten to split in two. Chi clutched her head and screamed.
"Sorry, sorry!" Jerry apologized as he nudged her, "We gotta go!"
"Guh…" Chi blubbered as she attempted to stand.
Chi fought the urge to vomit as she pushed up from the ground. Jerry propped her up as best as he could. The two of them wobbled as they walked up through the deteriorating cavern. Despite the stalactites raining down like hail, they barely dodged any of the falling rocks. Every step Chi took felt like her feet were made of pencil lead and shattered her leg with each step. Jerry's new role as her makeshift cane was difficult, as he would slip every so often on his skinny legs.
"Times like this makes me wish they gave me treads." Jerry struggled, almost tripping over a rock.
Chi responded with a meek whimper. They neared the cave exit, where the blinding light began to make Chi's head swim. Quickly, Chi took one step forward and gave a cursory glance back to the caverns behind them. Scrutinizing the darkness, she could barely make out two figures behind them.
"Chi! Dear, you're stumbling! Come back!" Winst's voice crooned after her.
Chi's head cleared up a smidge. Lightheaded, loopy, and barely able to stand up straight, Chi made a face. She built up sludge in her mouth, spat on the ground behind them, and picked up Jerry.
Chi began to run. "Not on my life will I ever come back," she whispered under her breath.
In spite of the chaos, the quiet mutter, and otherwise, the voice just cackled. "Lovely idea!"
Chi's eyes widened. Despite her condition, she sped up, faster and faster. As she approached the exit, she jumped, clawing at the light desperately.
Chi stood up straight and breathed in the air of the valley. She blinked and stared out from the cave into the light. The valley's rocks were jagged with smooth surfaces. Glancing to the right, she looked over the gigantic drop below. As she took a step forward, her boot scattered a few pebbles, several of which careened over the edge of the great cliff into the abyss. If she slipped, she would fall and most certainly never be seen again.
She looked down at her clothes. Instead of the familiar feel of the strict uniforms of the Octarians, she wore a lighter vest, the Amphio Alliance's insignia stitched upon it, a silhouette of Octavio's face crossed over by a "no symbol". It was light, had a soft, plush fabric, and felt more free and breathable than the Octarian army's standard gear.
It was about the most comfortable thing about her set of circumstances.
Below the waist, she carried two weapons. A small, metallic pistol with a minuscule canister was strapped to her belt. Next to the gun was a minuscule device, with nothing but a small red button fastened with duct tape attached to the front. The only label on the object read "For finishing the job", haphazardly written with some kind of marker. One small heart was added just after "job".
Chi gulped and let her arms droop to her sides, taking care not to hit the button on her waist by accident. Far be it from her to find out what it did. Taking a deep breath, she made her way across the rocky wall of the valley, slowly and carefully. She walked for quite some time, with nothing but deep blue sky and brown rocks for several minutes.
Eventually, after a few minutes, she spotted it. In the distance, not far from the ginormous rock octopus of the valley, was a small cabin. Just a small innocent cabin. Despite its harmless appearance, Chi was sweating bullets just getting closer. Crouching down low, she shrunk down into her octopus form. She slinked around the rocks, curling behind boulders and squeezing between the rocks.
She shifted back into Octoling form at the door. Taking the little gun in both her hands, she approached the shack carefully, inspecting it. The walls were weathered and the door had cracks within it.
Chi raised her foot up and kicked the door down. She charged in, swift yet quiet, and aimed her weapon forward, eyeing the interior of the shack. Furniture, dimmed lights, and that was that. It was a homely yet lacking abode. Chi blinked, lowered her weapon slightly, and took one cautious step forward.
"Let you in on a little secret," a woman's voice whispered in her ear, "You would've had a much better chance if you knocked first."
Startled, Chi fired almost instantaneously.
Struggling underneath the Octoling, Jerry tried his best to run. However, he soon realized Octocopters and rocks did not mix well. His ski-like legs continued to scrape at the rocks instead of standing on them, so half the time he was "walking", he was actually squirming like a worm over the rocks.
"Ow!" Jerry yelped.
"Nngh! Chi murmured in a slur.
Almost like the cherry literally on top of Jerry, carrying Chi was the pinnacle of difficulty. Every now and again she would fade in and out of consciousness. Sometimes she would wake up kicking and screaming, and other times she would hold Jerry close and snuggle him as if he were a teddy bear on stilts. Jerry was either suffocated by Chi's smothering or struggling to hold her up while being battered, and either way, he was certainly going to wake up sore in the morning.
The cherry on top of the cherry on top would also scream after them occasionally, "You can't run forever Chi!"
"She's not even awake," Jerry muttered under his breath, struggling to move up the rocks, "C'mon Chi! It's right there!"
"Uuuhhhh," she replied in a low groan, "Tai...Tai…"
Jerry frowned, turned his head and took a quick glance behind himself. The ground below him was already trembling. More rocks and rock fragments crumbled or tumbled off the side of the cliff face down into the pit of the valley, and as Jerry tried to compose himself, a ginormous rock spire erupted from the rocky terrain and embedded itself not too far from his head.
Jerry made a noise like that of a car horn underwater. Lifting Chi up onto his head as best he could, he pushed her forward, practically dragging her across the ground. Despite his best efforts, his nudges only pushed her so far. It also scratched and dirtied her face, which Jerry definitely was not looking forward to explaining when she woke up. In spite of the progress he was making, he was certainly getting closer and closer, albeit very slowly. Closer and closer they approached the shack, with Jerry straining himself as much as he could even just to move a few steps.
"Where do you think you're crawling to?"
Jerry spun around on his side. Before he could even attempt to dodge, he felt a pressure on his metallic legs. He screamed as he watched as his legs were ripped away from him. Towering above him, Winst held his legs in her hands, with her humongous Octobomber companion towering behind her, eyeing the Octocopter. She glanced at the metal poles, smirked, and crushed them in her fists. Winst lobbed Jerry's legs off the side of the Octo Valley cliff as casually as if it were a soda can.
Grinning masochistically, she laughed and taunted, "Did you need those?"
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!" Jerry screeched in pain as he rolled around on the floor.
Winst slapped her hands together and spun around, beaming. "Music to my ears. Oh, the sound of an Octavio drone shriveling, dying at my feet-"
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!" Jerry screeched again.
Barro the Octobomber suddenly perked up. "Ugh! Ugh ugh!"
Winst's eye twitched. "Like I was saying, and now, with you out of the-"
"AaAaAaA," Jerry sang, "Aye yai!"
Winst's arms dropped to her side as she screamed, "Shut up! You're ruining this moment!"
The two other Octarians stayed silent. Barro was shivering and blubbering to himself, while Jerry laid back on the ground with the smuggest of grins.
Winst turned around and glared down at the Octocopter, fists clenched. "You irritating- Hey!"
Much to Winst's shock, Jerry grinned back up at her, and the other Octoling was nowhere to be found. Winst did a double-take, staring harder at the rocky ground as if Chi had gone invisible.
Without hesitation, Winst pulled the leg-less and blade-less Jerry off from the ground by his skin. "Where is Chi, you drone?"
"Getting help to take you out," Jerry replied simply, "You're finished."
Winst's expression soured. Holding Jerry with one hand, she took her free fist and decked him with it. Jerry grunted but stayed as firm and sturdy as he could. She punched him again, then again, and once more, until Jerry was considerably more purple than he was red. With a split lip, Jerry tried to smile back at her, but as soon as he grinned, a small stream of ink popped from his lip. The ink splattered onto Winst's face, much to her anger.
"Look at that, positivity does pay off!" Jerry mumbled through sore lips.
Enraged, Winst wound her fist up for one last punch, when Barro stepped beside her and tapped her on the shoulder.
Barro cooed, "Bluh, uh, uh."
"What?" Winst arched an eyebrow, "Keep him alive? But for whaaaaaat, Barro?"
Barro stared across the rocks. Winst and Jerry turned and gazed across the rocks. In the distance, Chi was a worm inching along the rocks, getting closer and closer to the shack. Though on her hands and knees, she was making good time, despite dragging one of her legs on the ground as she crawled.
"Octavio," Barro blubbered with a nod of his head, "Bluh uh."
Winst smiled. "That's one charming idea big guy, but I think I can make it even better. Hey, Chi!"
Chi stopped on a rock, turned, and gasped in shock. Across the canyon's rocky wall, Winst stood holding Jerry up by his Octocopter helmet. Jerry smiled despite his bruised eye and split lip and managed to wink at Chi, that which nearly made her tear up on the spot.
"Stay there. We'll come to you!" Winst called.
"Run!" Jerry shouted suddenly.
At the tone, Chi looked from them, then to the shack. Biting her lip, Chi stared down hard at the ground. She let herself drop to the earth, where she laid and waited on her side, helplessly gazing back at the other Octarians. As Jerry's smile disappeared, Winst gained a smirk of her own. Jerry in tow, she climbed atop Barro's tentacle as he lifted off and floated towards Chi.
"How thoughtful of you," Winst cooed, squeezing her own cheeks, "You're just as thoughtful as I remember you."
"Please, don't hurt him anymore," Chi pleaded.
"Anything for you," Chi replied sweetly as she flung Jerry off the cliff.
"You need to listen to me, they're coming after you!" Chi shouted desperately.
Mai rolled her eyes. "Yeah, you did, and you really sucked."
Chi tried to break out, but the fishbowl she was enclosed in was too tight. Try as she might, even her octopus form could not break out from the small glass orb. The lid on top was stubborn. Each attempt she made at trying to uncap it from the inside was met with little success. All she could do was rock the fishbowl slightly on top of the couch. Sitting in front of her on the floor, Mai was sitting cross-legged in an oversized shirt and baggy trousers. She tapped fidgeted with the explosive curiously.
"So, what were you planning on doing with this?" Mai questioned as she tapped it.
Chi shook her head, which was not saying much given her space. "Please, the rebels will be coming to check on me any minute! You need to get out of here!"
"Uh-huh, and I should trust you because?" Mai asked as she pursed her lips, "Who wrote this message on this, your girlfriend?"
"Winst, she's a horrible person. I'm telling the truth! I'm part of Octavio's army!"
Mai froze up. For a second, anyway. She laughed and shook her head at Chi.
"Cool, yeah, sure," Mai spoke with a laugh.
"My codename is C-H1! I was admitted into the force recently! I'm from Kettletown 150-"
Mai sighed and rolled her eyes. "So?"
"My commanding officer codename is 4U55-13! I'm telling the truth! I'm roommates with T-41! I-"
Mai dropped the bomb on the floor where it made a clank sound. "Huh?"
Chi screamed. Without his propellor, Jerry could only flail what little stubs of his limbs he had left. As he fell, he glanced back at Chi, worry plain on his face. Chi dragged herself to the edge of the canyon, shredding her armor and shirt as well as her midriff, clambering for one last glimpse. She never got it, as almost immediately Jerry was gone.
"I'll let gravity take care of the rest," Winst replied with a wink of her own.
Crying, Chi slammed the palm of her hand down on the rock. Pebbles dislodged from the impact fell and tumbled down into the abyss of the canyon. Winst, on the other hand, was ecstatic. Clapping at the spectacle, she walked over to the sobbing Octoling and smiled at her.
"Phew, look at that! Like a stone," Winst said with a laugh, "He's gone!"
"Ugh!" Chi grunted, throwing a punch through the tears.
Winst caught the fist immediately. With barely any effort, she pushed the fist back into Chi's chest, then gripped her by her tattered shirt. Sadistic grin now enlarged, Winst slapped Chi, who flinched from the attack.
"I love it when you play hard to get, but this isn't the time. Come, after we splat that witch in there, we'll show the world that the Amphio Alliance is nothing to trifle with!" Winst cheered, making her way back to Barro.
"No! I'll never go back!" Chi screamed.
Winst slapped her again. "You don't have a choice, do you?"
Slinging her over her back effortlessly, Winst made her way back to Barro while Chi stained her shoulder with tears. Barro extended her tentacle down to her, which Winst took in her hand politely. Her face now stained with tears, Chi shut her eyes tight and braced herself as Barro began to take off.
Barro hummed, "Bluh, bluh."
"Take us away, Barro!" Winst screamed with glee.
With a nod, Barro's propellers spun rapidly and his tentacles flapped. As they took off, Winst pushed Chi off her back on top of Barro and retrieved her weapon, taking it in her hand. Turning, they began to approach the house with Winst aiming. Barro spat out a bomb as well, which soon exploded on the ground. Chi watched in horror as they advanced on the cabin.
Without hesitation, they fired upon the shack. Despite the weapons being constructed of metal and ink, they proved strong enough to lay waste to the unfortunately aged shack. The shack collapsed into a pile of debris. Chi's eyes were wide in terror as Barro and Winst chuckled to themselves. There was nothing left but planks, ruined furniture, and dust.
"Phew, that was one shell of a job you did on that old home."
Winst's smile was nothing short of chaotic. "Didn't I? Chi, you're coming back around!"
"Ah…" Chi whimpered in fear.
Winst frowned. "Wait a minute, since when did you sound all grown-up and threatening yet strangely enticing?"
Winst turned around, and found her nose stuck in a Bamboozler's nozzle. Finger pressed on the trigger of the bamboo weapon, an Octoling woman glared up at her, ready to shoot. Barro began to panic, blubbering back and forth as he tried to spit up a bomb. The woman stood tall and straight in spite of one of her legs being metallic.
"Try it and you won't be able to open your mouth to even eat," she replied, "Now give me the girl."
"What?" Winst stammered.
"The injured one. Give her, chop chop," she demanded, gesturing to Chi with her free hand.
"Mai...you're Mai," Chi found herself blurt out.
Smoothing down her navy blue jacket with her free hand, Mai looked up at Chi with a tired expression. "Yes ma'am, that's me."
Out of sheer shock, Chi let go of Barro's tentacle and landed into Mai's grasp. Before she could do anything, Chi felt herself slip into unconsciousness. Still aiming the weapon at the others, Mai heaved Chi over her shoulder.
"Alright, stay," Mai commanded as she walked backward.
Immediately, Mai tripped on a rock and landed on her back, much to the surprise of the others.
Mai frowned. "Ship."
The other Octarians sprung into action, firing shots of ink and lobbing bombs at her. Mai rolled out of the way(which on rocks wasn't very fun) all while she shielded Chi's body with her own. She sprung to her feet, cocked the Bamboozler, and fired straight shots at the two rebels while she picked up the pace and ran circles around them. As Barro launched a bomb at her, Mai reared back and kicked the bomb back into his face, where it exploded and knocked him back on the floor. Mai slid to cover, switched into an octopus, and landed behind a rather large rock with Chi in tow.
Chi's eyelids fluttered open slowly as she stared wistfully at the fight. "...Mrs. Inaba?"
"What's up?" Mai asked as she fired at the other Octarians.
Chi grunted. "I came to tell you something."
"You sure you don't want to take my other leg?" Mai teased as she stretched her other leg.
Chi squinted. Though she would not admit it, she was starting to wonder whether or not she was dead or if she was screwing with her. Before she could try to say anything else, Mai gasped and dropped to the ground. Chi wanted to scream again only to find her throat could not muster another word. A blot of foreign ink had tagged Mai's cheek and sizzled on her flesh. A shadow loomed over the both of them, and before they knew it, Winst and Barro were back. The two of them stood over Chi and Mai intimidatingly with their weapons aimed center for the downed Octolings.
"Ooh, feisty feisty," Winst cooed as she playfully puckered her lips, "What a cute display! You almost got me!"
"Yeah? If it makes you feel better, come a little closer, I'll really getcha there," Mai threatened while she leaned on the Bamboozler.
Winst laughed and aimed her weapon. Barro began to work up a spit.
"If you came to apologize, I've gotten over it," Mai shook her head, "Things you learn after a hundred-plus years."
Chi began to tear up again. "Your daughter…"
"Excuse me?" Mai inquired quickly.
Winst fired down at Chi, who could do nothing but block her face with her arms, expecting the acidic ink. Chi winced at the familiar sting, but the pain wore off quickly. Confused, Chi removed her arms and stared up at the bamboo pole extended over her. Acting quickly, Mai flicked the substance back up into Winst's face, much to her obvious discomfort.
"Bluh bluh!" Barro protested as he stepped over to help.
Mai grunted as she pushed herself up. Barro, now infuriated, spun around and prepared to fire another bomb.
"How did Portic do it again…?" Mai wondered to herself as she waved the Bamboozler by its nozzle.
With a "pop" noise, Barro shot out a bomb from his mouth. Within the span of a few seconds, Chi witnessed a miracle in action. Taking one step forward with her prosthetic limb, she twisted her body. Mai screamed a battle cry, twisted back, and swung the Bamboozler with all her might. The bamboo stick collided with the glass explosive and launched it back at Barro.
Barro scowled. "Bluh-bloh."
The bomb smashed into his face. Barro was launched backward, where he fell onto Winst, effectively knocking both of them over. As they landed on the ground in a daze, the two rebels tried to scramble to safety as the bomb flashed in their faces. Too late. The Splat Bomb exploded in a flash, launching the two away and with a burst of ink. The last thing Chi could hear of them was the anguished shouting of the two Amphio Alliance members as they vanished into the void.
"You did it. You're amazing," Chi managed as she gasped for breath.
"Not bad, huh?" Mai muttered as she fell to her knees, "What was that about Tai you were-"
Mai was cut off by the sound of snoring. Turning to her side, she stared down at Chi, now fast asleep on the rocks.
"Huh, that ain't a bad idea actually…" Mai murmured as her eyelids drooped.
Mai fell to the ground, and there the two Octolings snored together on the rocks.
Chi woke up on a soft cot underneath thin blankets. She woke up facing the same metallic ceiling she woke up to for the past few days, woke up feeling fine like she was where she needed to be. Rising slowly, she lifted the blanket off of her and gawked at herself. Chi was bandaged from top to bottom. She was suddenly aware of a soreness in her muscles.
It was then that the events of yesterday all flashed back to her. Eyes widening, Chi hurled herself out of bed despite her injuries and hobbled to the door of her room. It opened automatically as per the norm, but on the other side-
Chi felt herself tear up again. "You…"
"Yep, it's me."
Chi fell to her knees, clutching her face as tears ran down them. "I thought you were...I thought…"
Tai, Mai, and Jerry grinned back at her. "What?/Ah?/I'm alive!"
Overcome with emotion, Chi leaped up and launched herself at her friends, burying herself deep between the three of them. Truth be told, there were several questions going through her mind. She did not care in the slightest.
Everybody was right there where she needed them.
AN: The real April Fools is trying to write serious stuff in a story I dedicated to humor and adventure. That's what happens I guess. Also the fact I updated two days in a row.
Thanks, RealCoolDude for reviewing! I'm shocked and amazed that's your real username, it's like solving an acronym puzzle or deciphering the code of something from Codename K.N.D. I find your allegory analyzations quite intriguing.
(What, did you think I'd confirm them? Naaaah, they're allegories. They're just joooookes. Or are theeeeeeeey? Oooooooh.)
Jokes aside, thanks for reading fellas and ladies, this is ThePizzaLovingTurtle, and I'm tired.