The room was dark. Oppressively dark. She heard voices on her left, and she turned toward them, taking several fumbling steps forward.
"Dart?" she called, her voice echoing around her. "Lavitz?"
The outline of a door appeared before her, and as she approached, it swung open to reveal a short table with two chairs. In them sat Dart and Lavitz. They were laughing and talking as she stepped into the room, and they both turned to look at her.
"Shana!" grinned Lavitz, standing and embracing her. "We were hoping you would come."
"What's happening?" she asked.
"We're just talking about old times," he replied. "Remember that time you guys ate at my house? My mom thought we were together."
Shana laughed at the memory.
"It's a shame that's all gone now."
"What?" she asked, turning to him.
A gust blew by her, and she looked up to see Lloyd standing behind Lavitz, his silver hair glinting in a distant firelight. He grinned a sickening smile, eyeing her as he wrapped his arm around Lavitz's throat and pulled him backward. Shana tried to stand and fight, but her bow would not draw back. She reached for him, but her feet would not move. And then they were gone, disappearing into the darkness. She turned desperately to Dart, who stood motionless, watching the spot where they had disappeared.
"Dart!"
But he did not turn.
The firelight behind Shana grew brighter, and as she turned her head, the room was engulfed in flame. And still Dart stood unmoving. Tears welled in her eyes, cascading down her face as she cried out to him for help, the flames inching closer and closer.
She jolted awake. Her breathing was heavy, her face wet with tears. Glancing around her, she saw the softly lit room in Indels Castle, just as it had been earlier that evening. Casting a light toward the door, she saw that it was still locked. There was no sign of fire nearby. She was safe.
Rolling onto her right side, she watched the light pulse from her dragoon spirit on the bedside table. And yet her dream plagued her. Lloyd's face flitted across her mind, that horrid grin stealing away her comfort. Even so, she closed her eyes in an effort to return to her sleep, but that murderous expression returned time after time, eventually forcing her to sit up and search for distraction. If she could just think of something else long enough, perhaps she could forget the face.
Her room was laid out similar to Rose's, although her window was larger, large enough to have an accompanying window seat. Feeling grateful for the extra light, Shana pushed herself off her bed and strode toward the window, brightening up the room as she did so, and sat on the padded sill. Her room faced the north side of the city, most of her view taken up by mountains and small glimpses of the distant ocean. Still, she noticed few lights in the city and surmised that it must be past midnight. Glancing up, she saw that the moon was hidden behind a thick layer of clouds, and she sighed.
For several long moments, she sat there, gazing out at the horizon and trying to rid her mind of evil thoughts. She went probing for other things to dwell on and started sifting through the previous day. It had been harrowing for the entire group, but especially for Dart. She hadn't even seen him since right after they'd arrived, and the distant explosion had done nothing to ease her mind. He had not shown up to dinner, either, and she was more than worried by the time she'd headed to bed for nothing more than fitful sleep.
Dinner had been lackluster at best anyway. Even with only six in attendance, the entire affair had felt awkward and forced, as if no one wanted to be there. Shana was certain that the others in her party had to have been as exhausted as she was. But Rose had been her usual quiet self, and Albert had been bright and talkative, clearly happy to be back in his home. Only Haschel had deviated from his usual demeanor, appearing dark and sullen instead of carefree and facetious. Still, Shana had done her best to appear warm and inviting, managing to carry on a long conversation with Kaiser about the Hero Competition in Lohan. Although it was not something that she had been eager to talk about, Kaiser had seemed quite intrigued and keen to learn more about their time after Hoax. However, it did not escape her notice that he'd avoided talking about Hellena Prison. For that, she was grateful.
Still, she'd been more than happy to leave the dining hall in favor of her chambers, although she had still been plagued with her worry of Dart. Even now, her mind dwelled on him. She hated that she was like this: so attached in spite of virtually no reciprocation of her emotions. Part of her wanted to just walk away, but how could she do that to him in such a time as this? Whether he admitted it or not, Dart needed his friends. And he needed her.
Suddenly feeling stifled in her room, she tugged on the latch in front of her and swung the window out. A rush of the nighttime breeze greeted her, and she breathed deeply of it.
Something inside her longed for freedom – to take flight on that breeze and go far away, away from her feelings for Dart and her memories of Lavitz. How long would it be before she was no longer plagued by them?
For some time, she stared glumly out the window, watching as the clouds drifted by overhead and the wind pushed out toward the ocean. She'd never seen the ocean before – except what lay outside Hellena Prison, and that was not a memory that brought her any amount of joy. Perhaps here, in the safety of Bale, she could experience it and find some peace in it.
Her limited tranquility was suddenly disturbed by distant voices from below. Snapping her head toward the noise, she could barely make out in the distance a form approaching the castle gates. Some words had been exchanged with the guard, and the person – who looked like a man – came limping into the courtyard. Her heart skipped a beat as she realized who it must be.
Hurriedly, she moved over toward her door and waited. A minute passed by, and still nothing, and she began to wonder if she was crazy. Maybe it wasn't actually Dart, and he was asleep in his bed, safe and sound. But then again, maybe it was. Maybe Dart had come limping into the castle in the early morning hours. If that were true, then that would mean that he had hurt himself somehow. And that was exactly what she'd been afraid of.
How bad could it be? Dart was a dragoon, after all. Maybe he'd just cut himself on a tree branch. Or maybe he'd actually broken his leg and was too proud to say anything about it and it would never heal properly because he would refuse proper care. If he had hurt himself, would he let her heal him?
Negative possibilities continued to run through Shana's mind for the next four minutes as she waited impatiently at her door. Eventually, she started to tell herself that she had nothing to worry about and that Dart wasn't the one coming into the castle. But mere moments after a failed attempt to get her legs to carry herself back to her bed, she heard muffled footsteps coming down the hall.
Her breath caught as she listened. One of the steps was a little louder than the other, and the rhythm wasn't even. As if the person were limping. It really was Dart, she concluded. And he really had hurt himself.
Carefully, slowly, as quietly as she could manage, she lifted the latch on her door and cracked it open. A tiny sliver of torchlight drifted into her room as she placed her eye up to it and looked down the hallway.
There, with blood covering his arms and a stream of it dried on his left leg, was Dart, taking slow and painful steps across the stone floor. Shana gasped, and immediately covered her mouth, but it seemed that he had not heard her. As he came closer, she was able to make out several small pinpricks across his face and arms, several larger cuts, and a tear in his pant leg where he'd sliced himself deeply on something, clearly the cause of his limp.
Is this the result of the explosion? she wondered.
For a long few seconds, she tried to decide if she should step out and say anything to him. Worry and grief and anxiety were mixing within her and building in intensity, and she became wary of what she might say to him in this state. But she couldn't just say nothing.
Opening the door, she spoke softly.
"Dart."
He jumped slightly and turned to her before immediately averting his gaze and taking faster steps toward his door. Hands shaking slightly, she stepped into the hall, noting something fiery and dangerous in his eyes as she did so.
"Dart," she said more firmly. "Don't walk away from me."
Reaching his door, he stopped, but remained facing the other way.
"It's not as bad as it looks," he mumbled.
"No? You're just bloodied up for no reason then?"
"I wasn't attacked, if that's what you're wondering."
"Tell me what happened."
"I don't want to talk about it."
"I don't care!" Her voice was rising dangerously. "Tell me what happened!"
He whirled, rage sparking in his eyes. "I said, I don't want to talk about it!"
Shana tried to breathe steadily as her heart beat erratically in her chest. "What was the explosion?" she asked.
Dart's fists clenched tightly at his sides as he glared at her, boring daggers into her heart.
"You know, not everything I do has to be disclosed to you," he muttered.
Trying desperately to ignore the great swell of emotion rising in her chest, she managed to say, "I know that. But you need to talk to someone. Even if it's not me. Just—" she reached out to touch his arm, which he jerked back, out of her reach. Cursing the tears beginning to fill her eyes, she said, "Let us help you."
"I don't want anyone's help!" he said loudly.
"Then just let me heal you."
He sighed heavily. "Gods, Shana, why do you always have to do that?"
"Do what?"
"Try to fix me. Look at me like I'm some poor wounded animal or something. You can't fix everything, you know."
Despite all her efforts, a tear escaped her eye and ran down her cheek, and she hurriedly wiped it away. "I just—"
"Stop. Just… stop." He waved his hand and turned away toward his door.
Some combination of rage and sadness spiked in her heart, and she shouted at him, "I just want to help you! I…" She began to cry, tears coming anew, and she fought to say her next words. "I need… We need each other right now. Please…"
Pausing, Dart stood before his door once again. For a moment, Shana thought he might turn to her. Perhaps he would embrace her and help her. But instead he mumbled, "I need some sleep," before opening his door and slamming it behind him.
She jumped at the loud noise and fell back against the cold wall before slumping to the ground. And there, she lost herself in her sorrow, sobbing and wishing for the power to help him, to do anything for him. Surely Albert couldn't be right. Surely they couldn't just let him do this to himself.
A moment later, another door opened, and Shana barely registered Haschel approaching and coming to sit next to her. Continuing to weep, she leaned against him as he put an arm around her shoulders, saying nothing and yet imparting every level of comfort.
Another set of hinges creaked nearby as Rose's door opened. Finally able to control her breathing, Shana looked up with swollen eyes and saw the dark warrior, without her dark armor, approach. Her gaze was steely, but there was something there Shana had never seen before, hidden behind the façade – something kind. And to her surprise, Rose knelt down next to her, sat, and took Shana's hand. It was cold, but Shana didn't mind. Rose stared at the wall opposite them, Shana clinging tightly to her hand as she rested her head on Haschel's shoulder. They could not heal this pain in her heart, but at least she knew that she didn't carry it by herself.
The next morning, Shana sat in a dim haze at a table in the castle. Albert had called a meeting of all the dragoons to speak about an important matter, and she'd forced herself to come, despite her almost overwhelming desire to stay in her room all day long and not speak to another soul. And here she was, actually early, waiting on the others to arrive.
As she leaned back in her chair, she ran her thumbnail over her dragoon spirit, resting happily in her hands, her mind blank as she gazed out the window. She wasn't sure why, but this window was different from the others; she could not see clearly through it, but it still let plenty of light in. For many minutes now, she'd studied the pieces of metal holding the glass into one cohesive whole. She imagined what it would be like to melt the metal, and wondered how quickly it would all fall apart. Did the glass touch beneath the metal? Or were the panes really that far apart? She wasn't even sure how glass was made. How had she never asked about it before?
She jumped as the door swung into the room, heralding the king in all his splendor, recaptured from his days on the road. Behind him was Haschel, who gave Shana a half-hearted grin before taking a seat next to her. As Albert flowed into the room, his elaborate cape blowing about behind him, Shana wondered how he could seem so smug right now. Was he not hurting from Lavitz's death, too? Was he not worried about Dart?
His outward expression revealed nothing of these strains, if they were even there. He appeared merely thoughtful as he took a place opposite her, folding his hands together in a somehow kingly manner and offering her a small smile in greeting. She tried to reciprocate, but her lips would not respond to her prompts. She dropped her gaze to her dragoon spirit as his keen eyes began to search her face.
"Good morning, Shana," he probed.
She nodded in response.
Just say something, she scolded herself. They'll be suspicious if you don't.
"Good morning," she mumbled.
Mere moments later, Rose walked into the room, glancing at each of them before shutting the door behind her and taking a seat next to Albert.
"Rose," said the king. "I am glad you came. Now we must only wait for Dart to—"
"He's not coming," interrupted Shana.
All eyes turned to her, and she did her best not to meet them. After a glance to Rose and Haschel, Albert took a deep breath before speaking again.
"Very well, we will begin." He sighed. "We all carry a burden that few know about or understand. Lavitz's death is… not easy. But a more difficult path lies ahead of us." As Albert paused, his eyes lingered on Shana. She kept her eyes down. "I have told Minister Noish what happened, but the task now falls on us to inform the rest of Bale."
"I'm sorry," interrupted Haschel. "Falls on 'us'? What exactly do we have to do? You're the king. They're your people."
Nodding, Albert raised his hand as if to pacify Haschel and said, "Yes, this is true. I will make an announcement to the city. But I cannot do that until his immediate family knows."
"We have to tell his mother," said Shana in a small voice.
"… Yes."
Somehow, Shana had avoided realizing the necessity of this. She'd been so focused on Dart and her own grief that she'd forgotten about Lavitz's mother. Her heart broke at the thought, and she closed her eyes in an effort to block out the tears that threatened her once again.
"I feel," continued the king, "that I should tell her."
"No," said Shana, shaking her head. "Dart should tell her." She looked up and met Albert's gaze. "But he won't."
"We do not know that for certain. Perhaps we could discuss it with him and see if he would feel up to the task."
Leaning forward, Rose said, "I think Shana's right. Dart isn't in a good place right now, and he can't see past his own pain. He won't want to talk to her and relive it. He won't let himself."
"She's right," inserted Haschel.
Shaking his head, clearly confused, Albert said, "What happened to make you all think this way?"
Rose looked down, and Haschel glanced to Shana. She nodded slightly.
Taking a deep breath, Haschel said, "Dart came in last night. Or, sometime this morning actually. He was pretty much covered in blood, clearly injured somehow, but when Shana tried to help him, he was… short with her. He's not in any state to talk to anyone, in my opinion."
"Shana," said Albert, compassion in his eyes as he looked at her. "I am sorry."
"It's okay," she muttered.
After a pause, Albert sighed once again. "Then if Dart will not go, I must. But I want to do it today. I cannot stand the thought of her waiting for ill news. She must suspect already, since he has not shown up to visit her since my return."
"I'll go with you," said Shana. "I was with him the last time she saw him. It's only fitting."
"Are you sure? Shana, it is not—"
"I'll go."
He nodded. "Very well. We will go after lunch. Perhaps we can dissuade her from cooking for us if we have already eaten when we arrive."
Shana chuckled at the comment, knowing full well that it still might be a difficulty.
"After Shana and I visit Mrs. Slambert, I will begin to tell those in the castle, and tomorrow I will make the announcement to the city. I will send out heralds to carry the news of his death, along with the news of a day to honor him and all those who have fallen in this war. The event will be held in ten days' time, and I was hoping that you would all be there."
"Of course," nodded Shana, turning to look at Haschel and Rose expectantly.
After a moment of what seemed to be contemplation, Haschel nodded reluctantly, and Rose muttered an agreement under her breath.
"Thank you," said the king. "It will mean a great deal to me to have you all there. And if we can convince Dart, I would like him to be present as well."
Shana's fist wrapped tightly around the dragoon spirit. She'd been about to announce that she would talk to Dart and convince him to go, but she no longer believed that she could. His expression from the night before haunted her: the anger, the despising she'd seen in his eyes. She wasn't sure that she would ever forget it.
"I'll make sure he's there," said Rose.
"Oh?" smirked Haschel. "And how are you going to do that?"
Clenching her jaw at the ill-placed comment, Shana briefly considered finding her bow and arrow before Haschel glanced over to her and muttered an apology. Rose's returning glare was even more effective than Shana had anticipated, and Haschel was shamed into silence. Perhaps he had been a bit too eager to diffuse some of the tension in the room.
"Very well," Albert said quickly. "Shana, I will see you later today. Meet me in the courtyard an hour past noon."
She nodded as he stood and swept toward the door.
"Now I must leave you," he said. "Feel free to relax in the castle. If you need anything, just send for me, and I will do what I can to aid you."
"Albert," called Shana just as he pulled the door open.
"Yes, Shana?"
"Can't you take even one day off? You need time, too."
A warm smile crossed his face as he said, "Thank you for your concern. But, unfortunately, I cannot. There is much to be done before we leave. I must attend to my people. But I assure you that I will take time to mourn." And with that, he left.
"So," began Haschel as soon as the king was out of earshot. "The guy sets up this 'important' meeting for us and then he's gone in five minutes?"
"It was an important meeting," said Shana dismally. "And he's a king. He has a busy schedule. We should be grateful that he made any time for us."
"I'm sorry. You're right." He sounded more irritated than apologetic.
"It's fine."
Shana stood and walked toward the door. "I'll see you guys later," she said.
Dimly processing Haschel's farewell, Shana all but ran down the hall to get away from them. While she was grateful for all their help, especially last night, she couldn't deal with the prospect of seeing Lavitz's mother while they were nearby. She powered her way all the way to her room and almost jumped inside, closing the door behind her. Trying to ignore the task laid before her, she walked around her room, as if she had something that needed to be done. But after several laps, she realized that this was not true. Helpless, she slumped onto her bed and put her face in her hands.
"I can't do this," she said to herself. "I can't do this. I can't do this."
All at once, she began crying anew. Was this how it was going to be from now on? Crying every day and feeling this persistent, dull ache inside her? Would relief ever come? And where was Dart when she needed him?
A spark of anger lit inside her at this thought. She understood that he was broken, but why couldn't they be broken together? Why did he feel such a need to isolate himself, to push away the pain and bury it under all this anger? What right did he have to be so selfish?
Lifting her head, she suddenly grabbed a cup sitting next to her bed and screamed as she hurled it against the wall. With a crash, it shattered, splinters of pottery shooting in every direction. She stood motionless, staring at her handiwork, occasionally taking in a sharp breath. Somehow, she felt alone. Despite everything, despite Rose and Haschel, despite Albert's kindness, she felt as if she were trapped in a void of darkness, scrambling for light. The one person that she cared about more than any other, the one person she had loved since her youth, and the one person that she could never abandon… had abandoned her.
It was as if she were in prison all over again.
As the realization sank in, she fell onto the bed. Not even bothering to wipe her tears, she stared at the mark on the wall she had created and the shards of pottery strewn across her floor. Dart would not help her. She would have to find a way out on her own.
Sitting in the courtyard, Shana waited on the king to arrive. Although she was mildly irritated that he was late, she tried to remind herself that he was a king, after all, and had many affairs of state that demanded his attention. She could only imagine what kinds of things he must have been rushing about doing with his nation just coming out of a war. So instead she amused herself with watching the flowers.
Whoever had laid out the various plants in the courtyard had done a masterful job. Many of the spring flowers were now dropping their heads, but where their color was dying, new buds from different kinds were coming up beneath them. She was almost certain that there would be flowers in the courtyard until fall, even if sometimes they were sparse. Part of her wished to be able to do something like this in her own home. She'd always loved watching flowers grow and bloom. Her mother had even let her plant a bed of tulips behind their house a couple years ago, but she wanted more than that. And one day, with her own house, she would be able to do that.
For a brief moment, she imagined Dart with her, back in Seles in a house they'd built together. And then she forced the thought away. Any future with Dart seemed next to impossible now.
Spotting a weed down in the flower bed, she knelt down, reached in, and pulled it up sharply, dragging the roots along with it. Smiling in mild satisfaction, she scanned the soil for any other sign of intruder just as someone approached her. She turned to see an older woman, thin but with a kind face, smiling as she drew near.
"My dear," she said. "Are you a gardener?" Glancing down, Shana saw bits of soil clinging to the woman's hands and the lower part of her olive dress.
"Uh, no," said Shana hurriedly. "I wish, but I've only planted tulips."
"Oh, we have some lovely tulips!" the woman announced. "We have all kinds! Many of them are past their season, but we still have a few that are coming in."
"Yes, they're lovely! You must be proud of what you do."
"Immensely." The woman thrust out her hand. "I am Jenna."
"Shana," she replied, shaking Jenna's hand.
"If I am not mistaken, you came back with the king, yes?"
Shana nodded.
"Will you be staying long?"
"I'm not sure, but it seems likely. Maybe for a month or so."
"Well, Shana, if you ever find yourself in need of something to do during that month, feel free to come down here and work with us. I will teach you everything I know about flowers so that you can plant some of your own one day."
A genuine smile, the first in quite a while, crossed Shana's face as she considered the prospect. "It would be my pleasure, Jenna," she said.
"Excellent!" beamed the woman, clearly excited to have a new pupil.
"Oh!" exclaimed Shana. Realizing that she was still holding the weed, she held it out and said, "I pulled this up, but I don't know what you want to do with it."
"Thank you," said Jenna graciously as she took the plant. "I will put it in its place. Are you waiting on someone?"
"Yes, actually," she began, but she did not have a chance to finish. At that moment, the great oak doors of the castle opened, and out marched Albert, kingly as ever, a castle guard trailing behind him. As he saw her, he smiled weakly and made his way over.
"Shana, Jenna, I see you are getting acquainted," he said. For the first time, Shana noticed a slight crack in Albert's kingly armor; sadness was hidden beneath his kind expression. Suddenly reminded of her task, she dropped her gaze to the stones beneath her feet.
"Your Majesty," said Jenna, curtsying. "It has been an honor to meet Miss Shana. She has promised to spend time with us and learn how to grow flowers to their fullest."
"Most excellent." The king smiled at both of them.
"Yes," inserted Shana. "But unfortunately, we must go. We have… something to do."
"Ah, do not let me keep my lord from his business. Blessings on your endeavors, sir." Jenna curtsied once more before turning and walking back toward the other workers.
Facing Shana, Albert shook his head and said, "I am sorry that I am late. Too many things have been demanding my attention today."
"It's okay," she replied. Then nodding toward the soldier behind him, she asked, "Are you bringing a guard?"
"Yes, that was the plan. As a king, it is only proper."
"That may be true, but Lavitz's mother might not want an entire delegation showing up at her door."
"I… suppose that is so."
"And you're a dragoon," smiled Shana. "Who would be able to hurt you now?"
Albert grinned. "That is also true." Turning to the guard, he said, "You may go back, my friend. I will be alright to go into the city by myself today."
"But, my lord—"
"I will be fine."
The guard hesitated, but eventually said, "Yes, my king," before bowing and going back into the castle.
"Shall we?" gestured the king. Shana nodded and began walking toward the drawbridge, Albert falling into step with her.
For a few minutes, there was a strained silence between them. Everyone who passed by made a point to stop and address the king, whether by a kind greeting or a bow or curtsy, and Shana quickly began to feel like she didn't belong here. Traveling with Albert had become a normal experience for her, and she'd become accustomed to the king and his mannerisms. But something about being with him in his own city, as he wore such elegant clothing and was greeted by everyone in the streets, made her feel incredibly small. Somehow, over the course of their travels, she'd almost forgotten that he was a king. And here she was, a commoner, walking with him as equals.
Eventually, Albert turned his attention closer to Shana, merely nodding and smiling at people as he went by rather than addressing them. His glances became more frequent, and soon Shana wished that he would just state whatever was on his mind instead of continuing whatever game he was playing. Quite past her comfort zone, he finally obliged.
"Shana, may I ask you something?"
"Of course, Your Majesty."
He gave an awkward chuckle and said, "There is no need for you to address me so formally. After all we have been through, we are friends. Not merely king and subject."
Glancing over to him, she gave a small smile and nod in response.
"I know that none of this is easy, and I feel your pain, at least in part. But after hearing about Dart, I must ask: How are you faring?"
"I…" She tried to form a sentence, but she found her words lacking. How much did she want to tell this great king of men? But it was as he had said: they were friends. Despite all their traveling, she hadn't spent much time with just Albert, and it was likely that it would be quite a while before she did again. Perhaps she should use this opportunity to grow closer to him.
But something stuck in her throat when she tried to answer his question. Dart's condescending tone came back to her all too quickly, and instead of confiding in the king, she found herself avoiding the truth.
"I'm okay," she said a little quietly. "I just hope Dart comes around soon."
"As do I," replied Albert. "His presence is sorely missed. Did he tell you what happened yesterday in the forest?"
Refusing to look at him, she simply said, "No."
"That is unfortunate. Perhaps I should try to intervene."
After this statement, Albert retreated inward, no doubt formulating some plan as to how he could find time to do this. Shana found it hard to believe that anyone could get through to Dart at this point. Her hopes for him had been crushed last night.
"How are you doing?" she asked suddenly, peculiarly proud of herself for the change in topic.
"I am… well," replied Albert, almost as if he were trying to convince himself that it was true. "It has not been easy, being back here, but yes, I am doing well… all things considered."
"Good."
Too quickly, Shana found herself mentally scrambling for another topic before the conversation drifted back to her. What could she say? What could she possibly understand about the affairs of the king? It would almost seem insulting to try to discuss the weather.
They continued for a few more minutes in an awkward silence. Try though she might, Shana could not distract herself from the reality that awaited her. Suddenly realizing the anxiety welling in her chest, she stopped, lightly touching Albert's arm as he slowed and turned to face her.
"Can we take a moment?" she asked breathlessly. Somehow the air wouldn't come as freely as she would have liked.
"Of course. Is everything okay?"
So kind this man was. Shana understood why all his people were so thrilled to see him in the streets.
Trying to catch her breath, she breathed, "I'm sorry. I just… I need a second."
"There is no need to apologize. Let us sit." Albert gestured toward a bench several yards away.
Nodding, she began taking several slow steps toward it, even as the king placed a gentle hand on her upper back. While part of her appreciated the kind gesture, most of her had to fight the impulse to slap his arm away. She wasn't some child to be coddled. She could still walk.
Nonetheless, they moved together toward the wooden bench, nestled up against the tan stone siding of a house. In an effort to steady herself, she noted the well-hewn stones and the small bands of reddish orange struck through them. When they got close, she could even make out the tiny grains of sand that composed the rock, and sitting, she let her fingertips feel the striations of the smooth, well-worn wood beneath her. Then closing her eyes, she sat and listened.
For a brief moment, she ignored the storm raging inside her. Her thumbs slid along the bench, and her feet felt the weight of her legs pressing into the cobblestone path. The city was relatively quiet, with slow bursts of a breeze rustling the leaves of a nearby tree. Occasionally, she heard footsteps of someone walking nearby, and tried to discern whether it was a man or woman by the weight and gait. More than once, the answer was given away by the audible gasp as the passerby saw Albert. Several birds could be heard chirping in the distance, some low and calm, others high and flittering. She could smell the clean air, occasionally catching the draft from a nearby bakery. Breathing slowly and deeply, she felt some of her calm return, until she once again opened her eyes.
"Shana," came the king's quiet voice from her right. Somehow, even after all his well-spoken speeches, he could still sound so caring and… human. "Shana, I know that you might not want to discuss what happened last night or what is to happen soon. And that is okay. But I just need to know that you believe yourself well enough to take on this task. I can do it by myself if need be. I would never tell the others that you did not accompany me, if you so choose."
For a second, Shana considered this proposal. She could avoid the stress and anxiety and just hide somewhere in the city until Albert's task was complete. And then in a flash, the vision of Dart came back to her, and she hated the idea of running away. She hated it that Dart would be selfish enough to be so enveloped in his own emotions that he could not help others.
"No." She turned to meet Albert's gaze. "I was there when… when he died. I should be there to tell her."
A soft smile crept over the king. "You are truly a wonder. I do not believe that we could ever deserve to have you in our party."
Ignoring her emotional response, she attempted a smile. She must have done well enough, because Albert tapped her on the shoulder before standing and offering his hand.
"Shall we?" he asked.
Taking his hand, she stood, and they continued their trek through the city.
All too soon, they came upon the massive house. Glancing up as they approached, Shana eyed the second floor, remembering the time she had spent there. She'd been restless that night, like so many nights since, and Lavitz had been there to comfort her. She recalled all the work his mother had put into serving them, making sure they were fed and bathed. And what a meal she had made! And how her countenance would fall when she heard of her son's fate.
"I will let you lead," muttered Albert. "I will only intervene when necessary."
"Thank you," she whispered back.
She took several deep breaths, her heart pounding loudly in her chest. Rubbing her sweaty palms across her shorts in vain, she and the king approached the front door.
Did Lavitz's mother know? Did she suspect? How much hope were they about to destroy?
Shana raised her fist and knocked.
Her thumbs ran over her fingernails as she waited, and she found herself bouncing on her feet. Far too long a minute dragged by, and just as she was about to reach up to rap on the door once more, the latch inside clicked, and the door was pulled open.
In the doorway stood Lavitz's mother. The bright, happy face of Shana's memory had turned pale and almost sallow, dark circles resting beneath her brown eyes – the same brown of Lavitz's. All joy had vanished and been replaced by stress, worry, and grief. Even her hair had dramatically changed, streaked with many more silver strands than only two months ago. Still, a kind smile turned her features when she saw Shana and King Albert standing before her. Only a moment later did it falter as she no doubt noticed that Lavitz was not with them.
Shana swallowed a lump in her throat at the change.
"My king!" said Mrs. Slambert, quickly bowing her head in reverence. "And Miss Shana!" Taking Shana's hand in both of hers, she smiled warmly and squeezed gently. "It is so good to see you both again."
Shana tried to speak but found that words would not form. Thankfully, Albert intervened.
"It is a wonderful pleasure, ma'am. May we come inside for a brief moment?"
"Oh!" she exclaimed. "Of course! Come in, come in!" She waved her hands and rushed inside, no doubt to get them some kind of food or drink.
An anxious glance passed between them before they stepped into the doorway, Albert closing the door behind them. The room was exactly as Shana remembered it. The same couches sat before the fireplace, although it was no longer burning given the warmth of the late spring. However, several windows were swung open, inviting in the afternoon breeze to sweep through the house. Shana noticed a pile of freshly laundered sheets sitting by the staircase on her left and wondered as to their purpose; there were far more than just one bed's worth.
"Mrs. Slambert," began Albert, even as she was turned away from them and rushing toward the kitchen.
"Now you both just make yourselves comfortable," she interrupted. "I'll have some tea and bread in just a moment."
The king started to protest, but it was already too late. Lavitz's mother could be heard clinking around in the kitchen, and a moment later pouring some liquid into a glass.
"It would be rude to refuse her hospitality," said Shana quietly.
Nodding, Albert took a few steps toward one of the couches and slowly eased into it, Shana following behind. She marveled at the comfort of the seats, but denied herself the luxury of leaning back and relaxing. That was not why she was here.
"I don't know if I can do this," she breathed.
"You are not alone, Shana," came Albert's reply.
She glanced over to him. His kingly vestments flashed brightly in the sunlight drifting in from the windows, and someone unfamiliar with his person might mistake him as being calm and composed, at peace even. But Shana's discerning eye could tell otherwise. A pronounced frown dragged down the edges of his mouth, and his jaw worked to and fro as he gnawed on what they were about to do. Even his posture seemed to have drooped slightly, and the fingers on his left hand were fidgeting.
Completely lacking for words, Shana placed her hand softly on Albert's right arm. He jumped slightly at the touch, but turned to Shana and smiled a grin of worry as he placed his own hand on hers. They stayed like that for a moment until Mrs. Slambert's footsteps approached, when they returned to their previous state. Recalling the excitement in her face the last time Lavitz's mother had served them, Shana regretfully noticed a lack of such joy in her now. There was no smile except what was forced as she glanced at them while setting down a tray with two glasses of tea and two loaves of bread.
"Please," she said, indicating the refreshments.
Shana thought her stomach would do little in the way of containing anything right now, but nevertheless, she followed Albert's lead as he reached forward for one of the glasses and took a small sip. On any other day, she would have greatly enjoyed the earthy taste, but right now she was simply pleased to put the glass back down.
"When I heard that you had made it back, Your Majesty," Mrs. Slambert began. "I was overjoyed! It was a dark time without you here to lead us."
"Thank you," replied Albert. "It has been a relief to be back. I am eager to begin cleaning up the mess that Sandora left behind."
"I have no doubt that you are up to the task."
All three smiled, but the underlying tension was thick. Shana had a feeling that Mrs. Slambert knew why they had come and was stalling to delay the inevitable.
"And where is Dart? I heard that he had returned with you. It would be good to see him again."
Before Albert could speak, Shana inserted, "Dart has not been feeling well the past several days. I am sorry that he could not make it today."
"Oh. Well, that's a shame." The effort she was putting into appearing her usual happy self was apparent. "Tell him that I'd like to see him if he ever gets to feeling better."
"Of course," said Albert warmly.
After an awkward pause, she said proudly, "I housed some people during the siege. I live farther from the city gates, so it was safer in this district. And I have the space." She chuckled awkwardly as Shana realized the purpose of the many sheets by the stairs.
"Thank you for that," replied Albert. "It was most kind of you, and it is appreciated by all."
Mrs. Slambert smiled.
The room quieted once again. Shana knew what must be done, and still her heartbeat grew erratic as she prepared to speak. Trying to will herself into a calm that still eluded her, she finally managed to say, "We need to talk to you about something."
All manner of cheer vanished from Mrs. Slambert's face as she dropped her gaze to her hands sitting folded in her lap. "What is it?" Her voice was small.
Taking a shaky breath, Shana began. "About two months ago, we set out for Hoax. Dart, Lavitz, and me. And they saved the city from a brutal attack. And then we fought the dragon and defeated it. But some things went wrong and I got sick, and we had to spend some time in Lohan. Lavitz was there for me through the whole process. And then, we got news of Albert's capture." She glanced over to him, and he tilted his head slightly.
"I was taken to Hellena Prison." At Albert's confession, Mrs. Slambert visibly tensed. "I was held there for several days, unsure of my future or the future of my people. And thanks to some brave men, Lavitz was informed of my location and immediately set out to rescue me."
"We all followed," continued Shana, her voice anything but smooth and calm. "And we made it in time to save him. But…" She swallowed, taking a moment to fight back the tears. "Lavitz… He got angry and tried to attack, but Lloyd had… the upper hand. And… he…"
Placing a hand on Shana's shoulder, Albert took up her spot. "Lavitz sacrificed himself for us. He protected us when it mattered, and it cost him his life."
The silence was oppressive. Shana sniffed once and dared a glance up to Mrs. Slambert, who sat dead-eyed across from them, her knuckles white from tension as she gripped her hands tightly.
"I am so sorry," whispered Albert. Tears had begun to build up in his eyes as well.
"So it's true," said Mrs. Slambert. "He really is gone."
Shana's compassion for the woman overwhelmed her as she fought desperately to hold back her tears. Lavitz's mother stood abruptly and began pacing back and forth across the room in silence, and Shana waited to see what she might do.
Eventually, she said, "About a month ago… About a month ago I woke up in a cold sweat. I had this feeling of sickness come over me, and I couldn't explain it. It felt as if a part of me were missing. For several days I thought over this experience, wondering what the cause might be. And finally I came to the only conclusion: something had happened to—" Her voice caught, and her lips trembled. For a moment, she stood motionless, trying to breathe past it. Finally, she stuttered out the words: "My boy!" Her hands flew to her face as she began to weep uncontrollably, and Shana stood quickly and stepped toward her, wrapping her in her arms.
"Lavitz!" she cried, even as she slumped to the ground, her legs giving way beneath her. Shana fell with her until they were a crumpled heap on the floor, crying together as the shock of the grief overtook them. "My boy is gone! He's gone!"
"I'm sorry," whispered Shana, as if that would have any effect. Already her heart had broken a thousand times before this day, and now she was witnessing the end of a line, a child stolen from a mother. This kind woman was now deprived of any possibility of grandchildren or ever seeing a likeness of her son again. Shana wept at the injustice and the pain.
Somewhere in the back of her mind, Shana could hear Albert weeping as well. Somewhat surprised, she turned to him and saw that it was indeed true, his head in his hands, his eyes red with tears. Extending her hand toward him, she touched him lightly and he looked up at her. Slightly bewildered, he placed a hand in hers, and she pulled him over to them. Joining them on the floor, he hugged them both as they wept, the king joining them in their misery.
For several long minutes, Lavitz's mother wailed to mourn his death. And with a startling clarity, Shana realized that nothing would ever bring him back.
Shana sighed.
The journey back toward the castle was quiet. The encounter had taken much out of both Shana and Albert, and she thought that they were both ready for some solitude and time of reflection. Heading toward the city gate, Shana kept her eye on the horizon for any sign of smoke or fire in the distance, but found none.
Why do you still care? she thought. After what he said to you, you should just move on.
"I have an idea," said Albert suddenly, interrupting her reverie. "Follow me."
His pace quickened, and at the next branch in the road, he turned right, going out of their way.
"Where are we going?" she asked.
"It is a surprise!"
Raising her eyebrows skeptically, Shana continued to follow Albert's hasty steps as they marched through town, heading farther and farther east. Eventually, they were in a part of Bale that Shana did not recognize, and she sincerely hoped that the king knew where he was going.
Of course he does, she scolded herself. He's the king. He has to know the layout of his own city.
The heat of the day was pressing down on them from the sun high above as they drew nearer to the eastern wall. At long last, they reached it, coming to a small, fortified gate that remained open but guarded. Upon approach, the two guards hastily dipped into bows at the sight of Albert and muttered various formalities.
"At ease, gentlemen," said the king, and the guards relaxed slightly. "We will be back shortly."
Shana did not imagine the skeptical glances shot at her as she stepped through the gate with the king of Serdio. As soon as she was through the arch, she felt as though she'd been transported somewhere far away from Bale. Several rough hills rose up to the right, edging their way into mountains and forming one side of a dirt path. To her left was a lush grassland spanning perhaps a hundred yards until it reached the banks of the lake. Down this path marched the king, and Shana had to hurry to catch up with him.
They continued on for a short time until the path curved around a small hill, and a firm breeze suddenly buffeted their faces, Albert's cape billowing up behind him. Shana gasped as she gazed out at the sight before her.
As the path sloped downward, the dark brown soil shifted over to a tan sand. Large mounds of sand covered with tough grass formed a line of dunes perpendicular to them, and beyond it the sand sloped downward until it reached the ocean. As far as Shana could strain her eyes to see, the sea extended before her, inviting her to come meet it. While the blue expanse had been a daily sight outside her cell in Hellena, she had never seen a beach before. The periodic crashing of water threatened to lull her into a trance as she stared.
"When I was a boy," began Albert, "I would come here on warm days and play in the shallows. Technically this part of the ocean is actually a bay, and the surrounding land keeps the water very calm and placid: excellent for playful children. Lavitz and I… would come here often." He paused and took a step forward. "I have always found it quite peaceful to be down here. Whether I sat on the dunes or down where the waves crashed on me, I found a sense of tranquility. And I thought… you might be in need of such things." He turned to her. "This is a difficult time for all of us. I must attend to my duties in Indels Castle, but you and the others can feel free to visit anytime you wish. I will instruct the guards to let you through the gate. Should you need to get away from the castle, do not hesitate to make your way here."
Whether a result of true emotion or a holdover from the day's earlier events, Shana felt another lump form in her throat. Turning to Albert, she smiled and said, "Thank you," doing her best to convey her sincerity in her eyes.
Returning her smile, Albert nodded before taking a small step back and saying, "I must get back to the castle, but you are free to stay as long as you would like. And Shana."
She looked at him questioningly.
"Thank you for everything you did today."
Quickly dropping her gaze, Shana nodded. She didn't feel like she'd done anything heroic. She'd broken a woman's soul today. But she said nothing as Albert walked away, his footsteps plodding along until they faded into the distance. She walked forward until she crested one of the dunes, the waves growing steadily louder, and she sat, hugging her knees.
It really was a relief to be so far away from the castle. Today had been harrowing at best, but at least she had this moment of peace and quiet. Prior to now, her memories of the ocean had been caked in fear and grief, but she vowed that those memories would fade. She would not allow those memories to become who she was, but rather this moment here. In this moment, despite her brokenness, she was strong. Even if Dart was being uncharacteristically distant and hostile, she still had the others, and that lent her a strength that would take her through any challenge.
For a brief moment, her memories of Hellena resurfaced, the fear, the terror. That feeling of hopelessness, of abandonment.
Shaking her head, she dispelled them. That was not her life. She was not abandoned.
Even if Dart had left her behind, she still had friends. She had people who loved her. And that was all she needed.