Boom, that's how you fucking do it baby! Another victory for Tattletale!
"Told ya we could take him," Tats gloated, whooping for a third time. Her plan had been a rousing success. Well, successful enough. They still weren't dead, at least not yet, so that had to count for something. "Oni Leeqa Madiq can suck a damn lemon. We whupped his ass!"
"If by whupped his ass," said Grue roughly, daintily flicking a brown banana peel off the leather shoulder of his overly edgy costume. "You mean ran away long enough to lose him, sure. We haven't neutralized him. He's perfectly capable of finding us again. So is Lung, for that matter."
"Must you always be such a killjoy, dear Grue?" Asked Regent cheerfully, seemingly unbothered by the mysterious brown liquid staining the splendid leggings of his exquisitely tasteful costume. "I was quite sure that Lung would have killed us by now, I think a little cheer is in order."
"Let him come," Bitch growled. "I can take him."
"Right," said Tattletale breezily, staring at the blazing fire in the Docks. "Good attitude."
Lung planning ambush. Should have shown by now. Held up. Fought a cape. Losing. If victorious, would have come after me.
Fuck yeah! She pumped her fists. Everything was coming up Undersider tonight!
"Looks like Lung stubbed his toe pretty damn hard," said Tats saucily, giggling at her own joke. "He's fighting another cape. Let's finish his scrawny ass while he's distracted."
With that, the four of them climbed out of the dumpster they'd been hiding in, and Bitch used her power to make her adorable little puppies into adorable little murder ponies.
Unfortunately, her flawless plan hit an unavoidable snag. Well, unavoidable for her. Curse her soft heart, her heroic nature, her utterly selfless empathy for her fellow man! Without hesitation, Tats jumped off her murder pony, peeled off her mask, and ran to the girl's side.
"Tattletale," said Grue sternly. "What are you doing? We don't have time for this."
Ankles sprained. Feet bruised. Elbows scraped. Jumped off a two-story building. Suicidal. Got into fight with Lu-
Sarah shut down her power. She'd heard enough. She didn't need to know more.
"You okay, hon?" She asked the poor girl. "It's dangerous here. Some capes are fighting. You need to get home, kay?"
The girl nodded dully, still miserable.
Nervous about what she's done. Scared of going home. Abusive parents? Not physically. Neglectful. Abused, but not at home. School? Boyfriend? Bullies?
Sarah bit her lip. Her powers couldn't push further without more information.
"Much as I hate to agree with our fearless leader," said Regent. "He's right. We need to go. This is our chance. We can't afford to waste it for some civvy caught in the crossfire."
"What's your name?" Asked Sarah, giving the girl a friendly smile. "I'm Lisa. Lisa Wilbourne."
"...Taylor," said the girl, her eyes faraway. "Hebert…"
Mind elsewhere. Worried. Doesn't notice she's surrounded by villains despite obvious costumes and mutant dogs. Attempted suicide by cape. Failed. Self destructive. Will try again soon. Lonely.
But how could she fix it?
Sarah didn't know. Not yet. But she knew not to ignore it.
"You got a pen?" Sarah asked.
Taylor reached into her oversized gray hoodie, and handed one to Sarah. Sarah took Taylor's hand, and scribbled her number onto it.
"Call me tomorrow morning," said Sarah. "As a favor to me. If you don't, I'll be worried. Here's some money. Use it to take a bus back home."
The girl nodded despondently.
"Call me," said Sarah sharply. "I'm serious. It's dangerous and I'm worried about you. I'll call the cops if you don't."
"I can tell you've been having a tough time." Sarah wrapped the girl in a hug. "Get home safe, kay? People care about you, ya hear?"
The girl sniffed, and offered a hesitant smile. "Thanks Lisa… It's good to remember… There are good people out there."
"Call me," said Sarah. "Don't forget."
The girl nodded, and walked towards the nearest bus stop, still limping but her back just a little more straight.
"Okay, you've done your good deed for the day," said Regent. "Can we go die now?"
Tats nodded, climbing back atop one of Bitch's murder ponies. "Undersider express is at full capacity. Let's go ragdoll that little bitch Lung!"
As it turned out, Lung was nowhere to be seen. There were a few ABB members bleeding out by the burning building, and a whole lot of blood and water.
Salt water. Sand. From the ocean? Victims have wounded feet. Fought a cape who can shoot pressurized water. Where is Lung? Gone. Swept into bay? Too far, no water trail.
Tats swaggered to a retching ABB member, squatted down, and slapped him to attention.
"Where's your boss?" Tats demanded. "Why hasn't he killed us yet?"
The ABB member shivered and looked away.
Lung is dead.
Damn condescending power. Sometimes it stated the obvious. She'd have figured that one out on her own, she wished it would respect her intelligence just a little bit more.
Bitch pulled him by his hair, and dragged him to one of her mutant dogs. "Answer the question, or I'll have Brutus rip out your throat."
The man pissed himself, and shook his head. "Can't. Can't. Watching. She'll kill me. Kill us all."
"I'll kill you," said Bitch. "You think I'm lying? I'll kill you!"
The man laughed weakly. "You? You'll make an enemy of her for what? You think you can take her? With those things? She'll kill you. Kill you as easily as she killed Lung… All of you. No matter what your powers are. No matter your plans. Only one woman can be Everywhere."
"Think she's so great; what are her powers?" Bitch growled.
Tats snarled, nobody stole her spotlight! She wasn't to be outdone by some no-name mook! She raised a hand. "Go," she told the man. "Run. Leave and never return."
The man nodded, collected his fellows, and fled.
Bitch yanked her neck. "I had him! I could've made him talk!"
Tattletale pulled free, and began to pace, tapping her lips knowingly. She lived for these moments. "I didn't need him to squeal, unraveling the situation was elementary my dear Bitch. Lung went up against a very crafty teleporter and lost spectacularly. These men here have less of an understanding of her powers than I do."
"Then what are they?" Bitch growled. "How'd she do this?"
"Intimidation and cleverness," said Tats smugly. "I doubt these imbeciles have the faintest clue what she can do. If you asked them, why I bet they'd just go on and on, deflecting the questions about her power again and again, always pretending to misunderstand what you were asking. Talking much and saying little. Why I bet even four sentences in they'd have not even started to answer your question. Just given you more and more filler, as if they liked the sound of their own voice. It would be extremely annoying. I mean, not to me, I'm a paragon of patience. Relaxed. Chill. Copacetic. But to someone with a short fuse like you, why I imagine it would really get on your nerves. Maybe your face would even get all red. You know, like it is right now."
Bitch growled.
"Okay, okay," said Tattletale, raising her hands innocently. "Learn to take a joke, will ya? Anyways, I'll tell ya once Armsmaster leaves." She peeked past her teammate, and waggled her fingers flirtatiously at the blue clad cape hiding atop the burning building. "Hey there hero. What brings you to our treacherous abode?"
"Tattletale," said Armsmaster, jumping down, and pointing a halberd at her. "You're under arrest. Come quietly, and I won't have to hurt you."
"Come quietly? You ask for the impossible," said Tattletale dramatically. "I'm never quiet. And I don't think you really want me to be either, do ya hero?"
Armsmaster hesitated.
Came down here when he saw fire. Shoulders slumped. Hoping for a conflict between the ABB and Empire. Hoping to find Lung or Kaiser. Disappointed to find you.
What? Seriously power? Had it broken? That couldn't possibly be real. Why?
Insecure about power. Feels responsible for rising criminal activity in Bay. Needs to capture a big name to prove himself.
"There's bigger fish to fry," said Tattletale. "Nobody will be impressed by you capturing the Undersiders. We gave Oni Lee the slip earlier tonight. I can point you in the right direction."
"You're right," said Armsmaster reluctantly. "You Undersiders are irrelevant in the grand scheme of things. Inconsequential. But you're still criminals. You've still committed multiple robberies. Point me to Lung or Kaiser, and I'll try to have your sentences reduced. You have my word."
Irrelevant? Inconsequential?
"Hah!" Tats barked, trying to get her breathing under control. "I can tell you where Lung is. Dead! We killed him, why don't ya get that through your thick blue skull. So why don't you take your 'inconsequential', and shove it real good and deep up in your ass!"
Armsmaster chuckled. "That's a good one, Tattletale. As if you pathetic Undersiders would even have the courage to fight Lung. I've studied you extensively. I know your modus operandi. Like cockroaches, you're a group that relies on hit-and-run tactics. I can admit that of the villains in the city, you are among the most benign. But. You will tell me where Lung is, and you will come peacefully."
"Dead," said Tats furiously. "Dead and buried. In the bottom of the Atlantic I expect! We killed him! Tell everyone what happens when you fuck with the motherfucking Undersiders! The ABB tried to run up on us, and went right on running off a damn cliff! Undersiders! Number one! In a few years, we'll be running this whole damn city! Not Kaiser. Not Oni Lee. Not that smug cunt Coil! And certainly not you, or your little gang that prance around like show dogs pretending you're any different than the rest of us. Me! The Undersiders, so you're gonna bow down bitc-"
"What my friend means to say," said Grue, covering her mouth with a leathered glove. "Is that we believe that Lung was killed by a new cape calling herself Everywhere. We got the name from one of the grunts who witnessed the fight, but they were uncooperative in terms of revealing powers."
"True," said Armsmaster, sighing. "Dammit."
Has possession of a lie detector.
No shit power. In other obvious news, Grue squealing about the new cape may have just killed them all. At least he hadn't been dumb enough to blurt out that she was a teleporter. Although you'd have to be a damn dunce, not to be able to deduce that from a name like Everywhere. Of course, Tats had learned to never underestimate the stupidity of the common man.
"It'll be a blow if an Endbringer hits the east coast," Grue agreed diplomatically. "That said, Tattletale wasn't lying about Oni Lee. We know his general location. If you capture him, you'll have ended the ABB in one night. You can say you fought Lung, killed him in combat. Or you can give credit to Everywhere. It makes no difference to us, so long as you make it clear that we had nothing to do with Lung's death. The way I see it you have two options. Option one: you can go be a hero, take down someone who even I can admit should be in birdcage, and let us go. Or, option two, you can try and capture us. We can't fight you Armsmaster, and we won't try. We'll run. You've seen how hard we are to catch. So what do you want to do, really?"
Armsmaster pressed a button on his helmet.
Deactivating his recording. Will take the deal. Feels guilty. Will make it his mission to capture us in the future.
Aww shit. What a total pain in the ass. This is why negotiations should have been left to Tattletale. If Grue had just let her keep mouthing off, she'd have had Armsmaster curled up in a corner in two minutes flat. The glory-seeking oaf reeked of insecurity, a few barbs and him all his pride would've deflated like a broken balloon. Now he'd be riding their asses for a few weeks. Ah well, at least it'd teach Grue a valuable lesson on shushing her, rather than letting Tats cook.
"Fine," said Armsmaster. "Where is he?"
Grue pointed him in the right direction.
"Armsmaster," said Tattletale, letting her trusty smile drop for a moment, "A word of advice. Don't take credit for this… It'll be the end of you. The new cape, she just triggered. She still doesn't know what she's doing, and she's already accomplished more in ten days than you have in ten years. That's what an A-lister looks like. If you were smart, you'd recruit her into the protectorate. Her actions might not be completely legal, she has ideals that you'd find villainous, but that's all irrelevant, because she's got a better power than you. Sweep it under the rug, whatever the normal salary is for a ward- triple it. If she's got a problem with any of the current members, get rid of them. Whatever it takes to get her on board. You can't beat her, so make use of her as best you can. Trying to fight her will be as pointless as trying to fight Leviathan."
Armsmaster mumbled, "Never listen to a thinker," and fled.
And so the spiral began. He'd blame her for it, probably. Or maybe he'd surprise her, and accept responsibility. Afterall, her advice had all been genuine, if he could humble himself enough to take it. And he and his lie detection software knew that.
"Are you stupid?" Asked Grue. "Antagonizing the head of the protectorate. Taking credit for Lung? Are you trying to get us all killed?"
Unfortunately, her colleagues proved once more that they'd last all of half-a-day without her wise guidance.
"Grue, Grue, Grue," said Tattletale, shaking her head sadly, putting a hand on his shoulder, looking deep into his eyes. "Never, ever, call me stupid. Now I'm gonna have to make you look real dumb, and I like you, so just know that as painful and embarrassing as this will be for you, it'll be maybe a quarter as painful for me, which is still fairly unpleasant. So please, allow me to explain my so-called stupid positions. I didn't once lie to Armsmaster- I just pushed him in a direction he was already planning to go, made sure to drive a wedge between Everywhere and the PRT. You saw what she did here, you really want to have her trying to capture us? The ABB launched an open operation against us tonight. Now they're half gone. What's left is going to assume that we did it, no matter what we say. Armsmaster isn't going to capture Oni Lee, and Oni Lee and whatever flunkies he can scrap together are gonna be going after our heads until we put them down. That's set in stone. Final. Capisce? So let's roll with it. We can't do anything about the ABB, but if we take credit for it, the next person who gets it in their head that we're some soft target is gonna think twice."
"And hit three times as hard," said Grue. He shook his head. "Fine. You're right Tattletale, you always are. But as best I can see it we're still fucked. We don't have the heavy hitters to take on Oni Lee."
"Let him come," growled Bitch. "If we fight, we fight."
"I like your attitude," said Tattletale cheerfully. "But I think Grue is right. We're going to need some more muscle if we're going to survive the ABB."
And Coil.
She glanced meaningfully at the burning building. The seawater. The blood.
"How would you guys feel about adding a new member?" Tattletale asked, with a vulpine smile. "And Grue, do remember to never call me stupid."