Wendigo

Sam was itching for a fight and Dean was doing everything he could to keep him from lashing out at someone. He had been there every night when his brother lurched awake from nightmare after nightmare. Had watched as he tried to sustain himself on coffee and protein bars.

"Why even talk to this girl?"

"I don't know, maybe we should know what we are walking into before we actually walk into it! Since when are you, all shoot first ask questions later anyway?"

"Since now."

"Oh really?"

Dean got into the car and looked at his brother as Sam scrubbed his tired eyes.

"You gonna be good to do this?"

Sam glared.

"I'm fine."

"No you aren't. Your head isn't in the game-"

"I said I am fine!"

Dean blinked awkwardly before starting the car. He had no idea what was going on in his brother's head and he had no idea what to do with that information. There was a time that he could always tell what his brother was thinking. But that last year before Stanford Sam had pulled away from him and now he knew it was because he was planning on leaving. The void had only gotten worse, four years is a long time. They had both changed, but the one thing that would never change was that Dean desperately wanted to help Sam. If only the stubborn bastard would let him.

"Her brother is missing Sam-she's not just gonna sit this out. No, we go with her we protect her and we keep our eyes peeled for our fuzzy predator friend."

"So finding dads not enough? Now we gotta babysit too?"

Dean stared at Sam without saying a word.

"What?" Sam growled.

"Nothing."

Dean threw the weapons bag roughly at Sam's chest before making his way back to the car. He waited for Sam to join him in the front seat.

"Can I say something without you biting my head off?"

Sam grunted.

"I get where she is coming from alright? If it was you? Lost out in those woods... you don't think I would do everything I could to find you?"

Sam blinked awkwardly and looked at Dean.

"What if I didn't deserve it?"

"What does that mean?"

Sam shrugged.

"Maybe it would be better if you left me in the woods... saved yourself. I mean why would you do that for someone who left?"

Dean blinked owlishly for a moment. He knew that they had kinks in their relationship that had yet to be discussed, but he didn't think it would be this bad. That conversation was for another time.

"Sam... look... if at any point during the time you were gone Dad and I had gotten a call that you were missing? Don't think for one second, we wouldn't have dropped everything to get to you. We're family. I'm always gonna come looking for you."

Sam nodded, staring down at his jeans.

"If it matters... I would have come for you too."

Dean squirmed uncomfortably before simply nodding. He started the car and made his way back to the motel. Black Water Ridge awaited in the morning.

Sam's little showdown with Roy had been the final straw. He thought hard about Sam as he drew protection sigils around the encampment. They would have a big girly heart to heart later, but for now he needed to make sure they made it out of the woods alive. And for that he needed Sam.

Dean eyed his brother who had made a point of sitting off to the side far from the others. He knew this was how his younger brother saw himself. Apart from the world, apart from his family. And Dean couldn't let that stand. He walked over and plopped himself down beside from his brother.

"You wanna tell me what's going on in that freaky head of yours?"

"Dean-"

"No, you're not fine. You're like a powder keg man it's not like you. I'm supposed to be the belligerent one remember?"

Dean was desperate to get Sam to remember that he was here with him. Dean knew everything about that kid for 18 years. He didn't get to put up this front and pretend to be something he wasn't. Not in front of him.

"I gotta find Dad I gotta find Jessica's killer."

Of course Dean, understood that, he had been doing it his entire life.

"Okay Sam we will find them I promise. Listen to me, you gotta prepare yourself this search could take a while. And all that anger you can't keep it burning over the long haul it's gonna kill you. You gotta have patience man."

Sam asked him how he did it. And he gave his brother some sort of comforting answer that was partially the truth. But the answer he couldn't find it in himself to tell, was much more simple. He did it for his Mom, his Dad and his brother. The only thing he had ever understood was true was his family.

Dean watched Sam as he put the car into drive and a memory came to him of a younger Sam getting behind the wheel for the first time. Sam had been easier to read back then, an open book to his older brother. But Sam had changed in the 4 years he had been away at Stanford. The kid had never really fit in anywhere, but he had fit in there and the thought that he had wrecked that made Dean's stomach churn.

"Hey Dean, thanks for what you said back there."

"What do you mean?"

"Just... for reminding me of what's important."

Dean shrugged.

"Just want to make sure you got your head in the right place."

Sam was quiet for a moment.

"What you said about being a powder keg... about it not being like me? I'm not sure that's still true... I'm not sure I can be the brother you want me to be."

Dean frowned and looked at the side of Sam's head.

"I don't want you to be anyone- I just want to you not jumping down the throats of civilians."

Sam's throat made a clicking sound as he swallowed.

"Do you remember when we were kids, Dad would drop us off in some no name town and give us some fake last name to use? A back story to where we had come from. I always found to shed the story when we got to the next town. Do you know what I mean?"

Uhhh,,. Yeah I guess?"

"Thats what I feel like right now. I know my life was Jess was real. But I lied to her a lot. No one knew me, and I had to make up so many stories about who I was. I haven't been Sam Winchester-hunter, brother, son in a long time.I couldn't be. I'm having a hard time shedding the identity I created."

Dean was trying to follow his brothers' thoughts, and he tried to think of who he had been over the past four years.

"Sammy... you don't need to be who you were. Just be who you are. You may have changed in four years, but you can't convince me you've changed so much that you are actually the angry asshole you have been pretending to be."

Sam laughed.

"Get some sleep Dean. I'll wake you up when we stop."

Dean smiled to himself and bunched his jacket up against the window. It was nice to have his co pilot back. Different or not.