Dead In The Water
"No wonder that kid was so freaked out, watching one of your parents die isn't something you just get over."
A haunted look had made it way over Dean's face and for perhaps the first time Sam was confronted with what his brother may have experienced that day. They had never really discussed what had happened, his brother and father had kept it to themselves along with most memories of their mother.
Before Sam could say anything Dean was turning away. He cleared his throat carefully before grabbing his jacket and making his way towards the door.
"Cmon, I want to talk to Lucas."
"When I was your age I saw something real bad happen to my Mom and I was scared too. I didn't feel like talking just like you but see my mom I know she wanted me to be brave. I think about that every day, and I do my best to be brave..."
Dean was notoriously good at lying to witnesses- they both were. It was just something you learned on the job. But as Sam watched his brother talk to Lucas, he knew he was drawing on his own experiences.
Sam suddenly had this picture flash through his head of a young Dean-a Dean Sam himself had never really known. So young and innocent and completely broken as his family fell apart. It was no wonder he had taken it so personally when Sam had willingly walked away. His brother had always been on the receiving end of his family breaking apart.
"You know what you said about Mom, you never told me that before."
"It's no big deal... oh god we're not gonna have to hug or anything are we?"
Sam smiled, Alright fine it wasn't the time to have this conversation, but it didn't mean it wouldn't stay on his mind.
Driving away both brothers felt good, like maybe they had made a difference. Maybe Lucas would be who they could have been if things had gone differently. Maybe knowing about the Supernatural didn't mean the end of your life.
Sam looked over at his older brother who growing up had always seemed like the biggest thing in his life.
"I'm sorry." Sam whispered.
"For what?"
"That I forget sometimes. That you were a little kid when Mom died. I know that logically, but you have always been this fearless hero to me."
Dean side eyed his brother.
"I wasn't always fearless. I was just as scared as Lucas for a long time."
Sam shrugged.
"You made me feel safe, and I'm sorry you had to shoulder that alone."
Dean smiled to himself. The truth was he spent most days afraid, but it had gotten better since he had gotten his brother back. What Sam would never understand is that he never once felt like he was shouldering something alone. He had his brother with him to share the load and make him feel like it was all worth it.
"I don't know what you are talking about Sammy."
Sam smirked.
"Well... Thanks anyway."
"You're welcome."