Hook Man

"Sam, I'm telling you I don't think Dad wants to be found."

Of course, that was obvious. It didn't mean it didn't piss him off. Sam agreed to go looking for the invisible killer, and he was quiet most of the way until Dean turned down the music and sighed.

"Don't mope Samantha."

"I'm not moping."

"Sure, you are, you got the same look on your face as you did every time Dad pissed you off growing up. He is not here to give the silent treatment, don't give it to me."

Sam sighed.

"Sorry... I just don't understand how you can so cool about this."

"I'm not alright? It's just... it isn't like it is the first time he dropped off the radar."

Sam looked up and stared at the side of Dean's head. Sure, Dad had sometimes gone missing for weeks when they were growing up. But not like this.

"He's done this before? When?"

Dean pulled into the gas station parking lot and looked at Sam with confusion.

"Do you really think just because you took off that meant he and I spent every waking moment together? I wasn't a kid Sammy. Dad would often be gone weeks sometimes months at a time. I only knew he was out there cause I would get a message from Jim or Caleb."

Dean was going for nonchalant, but it was obvious they weren't good memories for him.

"I guess I thought with the dead weight gone you two would keep hunting together."

Dean rolled his eyes.

"You weren't dead weight, stop being an idiot."

Dean exited the car and made his way towards the bathroom, while Sam sat genuinely embarrassed of the thoughts of his 18-year-old self.

Sam stood outside the church awkwardly. He hadn't been inside of one since Jessica's funeral. Pastor Jim had been the first one who taught him the power of prayer. He often prayed for his father and Dean's safe returns. The backseat of the Impala became his personal pew. He had brought his faith on the road.

Then Jessica who had been a lapsed Catholic caught him sneaking off to church in embarrassment had told him she would be happy to go with him. It wasn't like they were every Sunday folks, but occasionally it was nice to be in a church and believe in a higher power.

Since Jess, he hadn't felt much call for prayer or faith. If anything, it made it harder to pray to a God who would let anything happen to a girl like Jess. He guessed it would be called a lapse of faith. As he heard the door slam hard behind him, Sam blushed red.

It felt like God's personal attack on him.

"You don't believe, you should not enter here."

I kinda know what you're going through. I saw someone... get hurt once...It's something you don't forget."

Dean heart felt like it was going to come out of his chest as he heard Sam say that. Since Jessica's funeral, Sam hadn't mentioned Jess much and he certainly didn't bring it up to strangers.

All Dean saw were his own failings. Dean and John had already been scarred by Mary's death, and he had done everything in his power to keep Sam from experiencing anything close to this kind of grief. He wished he could have kept Sam innocent for just a little while longer.

Dean walked into the police station and gave a completely bullshit story about hunting ghosts in the woods. The sheriff had rolled his eyes in exasperation but told Dean to take a seat while he went to get his brother.

The funny part of all of this? Sam may seem to act like a goody two shoes most of the time, but this wasn't the first time Dean had to bust the kid out of jail. And this was far more enjoyable then the first time.

At 16 Sam had been smack dab in the middle of his "I hate my life" faze and one night after a horrendous fight that had sent John running for the nearest werewolf hunt and Sam running off to the library, Dean had been left to nurse a pounding headache when his cell phone rang.

It had been the police looking for John to come pick Sam up from the drunk tank.

Dean had groaned.

"Sam's my brother. My Dad is working out of town and won't be reachable for a few days, can I come get him."

The cop on the other end, who obviously just wanted to go home himself, groaned.

"Are you an adult? You willing to take responsibility for him?"

"Yes sir."

"Fine, bring ID. I'm not looking to keep this kid here over night."

It didn't take long for Sam to come stumbling out. Dean had caught him by the shoulder and held him upright.

"Consider this a warning kid. Next time keep your smart mouth to yourself."

Dean rolled his eyes and ushered Sam to the car before getting into the driver's seat. Sam had yet to say a single word.

"You gonna puke? If you are let me know so I can get a bag from the back. The upholstery is a bitch to clean."

Sam scoffed.

"Not gonna puke. Sobered up pretty quickly once they threw me in the back of a cop car."

"Well, congrats. It's a Winchester rite of passage."

"Sure. Some family legacy,"

Dean was quiet for a moment. It stung how little Sam thought of them sometimes. But neither brother was actually looking for a fight.

"What'd you do to piss the cops off?"

Sam shrugged.

"They were harassing me for sitting on the curb. Said I was "loitering". May have told them to go do their actual jobs... may have flipped them off."

"You know kiddo, someday that anger is gonna catch up with you."

Sam glared from beneath his bangs.

"You're one to talk."

Dean smirked and started the car.

"Do as I say, not as I do little brother."

Sam was quiet for a few moments, but his brother saw the slight way his shoulders were shaking as he peered out the window. At this point it was up to Sam. Dean would gladly act like he never caught Sam crying, or he would wait for Sam to talk.

"He hates me." Sam whispered.

Dean sighed softly.

"Don't be stupid, he doesn't hate you. You're his son."

"No you're his son. I'm not even his responsibility. He made me your problem a long time ago."

The older Winchester bit his tongue momentarily, biting back one of his intrusive thoughts and tried to comfort his brother.

"He loves you Sammy. He is just trying to keep you safe.

"Whatever."

He watched Sam walk into the motel room and sat in the car. For one moment let that single intrusive thought out.

"No Sammy, you are his son... I'm just his soldier."

"It's like I am cursed or something, people around me keep dying." Laurie said.

"I think I know how you feel."

If angels were good and demons were bad. Sam figured he was at the very least a death omen.

Which is why he couldn't let things get any farther with Laurie. He stopped the kiss, letting her believe it was all because of who he lost. But he didn't want her compassion. He just wasn't interested in being the reason anyone else got hurt.

They had made it out alive. Sam could deal with a few stitches and a bandaged arm. At least they had saved the girl.

Sam stood awkwardly from the back of the ambulance.

"You gonna be okay?" Laurie asked.

"Yeah."

"Well I still don't know what happened. But I do know you saved my life and my fathers too. Thank you."

Sam smiled and rubbed his thumb against Laurie's hand.

"Take care of yourself Laurie."

"You too. Hey Sam? I hope you find your faith again."

Sam looked at her in confusion.

"I know that look. Seen it all my life. It'll come back to you. I promise."

Sam wasn't so sure about that, but he smiled and nodded anyway.

He walked away from the first girl he had kissed since Jessica, and while he hadn't rediscovered his faith he did feel a moment of peace. He folded himself into the car pretending not to notice that Dean had been watching him.

"We could stay."

Sam shook his head. He wasn't ready. He wasn't sure where the road was going to take them, but it wasn't here. For now, he just had to find some faith. Maybe he would find it somewhere between here and the end of the road.