Faith
"I know it's not easy, but I'm gonna die and you can't stop it."
"Watch me."
Sam left without looking back at his brother. It was hard seeing one of the strongest men he had ever known looking weak. He looked up at the cross adorned on the wall beside some double doors.
He thought back to what Lori said, about how she hoped he found his faith and that forced his feet forward towards the hospital chapel. He kneeled in the back pew, stared down at his folded hands and he prayed.
"If this is you punishing me... for losing my faith... you don't need to. I'll forgive you for all of it. For Jess... but don't take him from me."
It seemed poetic that Joshua would lead him to a faith healer.
"Why me? Out of all the sick people why save me?"
"Well like I said before the Lord guides me. I looked into your heart and you just stood out from all the rest.
"What did you see in my heart?"
"A young man with an important purpose, a job to do and it isn't finished."
Dean wasn't sure he was worth it, but he did feel like he had a job to do... maybe even a purpose.
The truth was, Dean was still angry that Sam had saved his life. People didn't deserve to die so he could live. So, he had gone to bed without another word to Sam.
He woke suddenly, unsure what had disturbed him. With a hand on his knife beneath his pillow he looked around the room turning the lamp on quickly as he made out a figure sitting at the table. He relaxed as he saw it was just Sam sitting at the kitchenette staring at him. He looked at the clock and sighed deeply.
"Jesus its three o'clock in the morning. What the hell are you doing?" Dean muttered.
Sam blinked at him owlishly but didn't say a word.
"SAM!" Dean yelled.
Sam jumped at his voice and looked Dean in the eye.
"What? You okay?" Sam asked.
"Am I okay? I'm not the one being a creep. What are you doing?"
"Keeping watch."
"Watch for what?"
Sam blinked again.
"Mmmm... reapers. Gotta make sure your safe."
Dean frowned at Sam's slightly slurred voice. He stood from the bed and walked over to stand in front of his brother.
"You drunk or something?"
Sam's eyes slowly slid up to meet Dean's.
"No..."
Dean looked into Sam's bloodshot eyes. It had been a long time since he has seen his brother so strung out, but he remembered that when Sam was a teenager he went through spurts like this when he was under stress. Dean put his hand on Sam's shoulder and squeezed trying to keep his attention.
"Hey Sammy? When's the last time you slept?"
Sam's face puckered slightly.
"When did we hunt the... ummm... Rawhead?"
Dean frowned and put his hand to Sam's neck feeling a slightly elevated pulse.
"That was five days ago kiddo, come on lets get you laying down."
"No! I gotta keep watch!" Sam said fighting Dean's hold slightly.
"It's okay Sam. I'm okay."
"You're okay?"
"Course. You saved me you idiot."
Sam's eyes were a little wet and while it would be the perfect time to tease him, Dean couldn't bring himself to do it. This was the Sam that Dean and their father would come back to after a hunt that had taken them longer than expected. The Sam who would spend days drinking coffee and researching trying to find a monster to save civilians as a teenager. This Sam was spooked and was looking to his brother for help. Dean hauled him up and led him to the bathroom, sitting him down on the toilet seat.
"I'll be right back."
Dean made a quick exit and picked up Sam's duffle bag from the floor placing it on the bed. He reached the bag, keeping one eye on Sam sitting on the toilet seat in the bathroom, trying to find something for the kid to change into so he could get some sleep. His hand knocked against something hard, and he pulled it out. He looked at the small black box and swallowed harshly. He opened the lid and stared at the small diamond ring and then back at his little brother.
"Shit, Sammy..." Dean whispered.
He had known that his brother had loved Jessica... But this? Every time he felt like he understood something like this would slap him in the face.
Sam had really loved this girl. Maybe he and John were not so different after all.
Dean placed the ring back into the bag, hiding it carefully under Sam's clothes. He wasn't going to bring it up. He walked back to the bathroom and handed Sam some sweatpants and a t-shirt.
"Get changed."
Sam nodded and began to strip off his flannel, Dean closed the door and waited on the other side. A few minutes later Sam came out rubbing his eyes looking so much like his eight year old self it made Dean smile.
He led his brother over to the bed and tipped him into it, watching as his brother tried to keep his eyes open. Dean placed his hand on his shoulder.
"Stand down soldier, I got it from here."
Sam smiled softly through tired eyes.
"You would have done the same for me... so you don't get to be mad at me."
Dean swallowed. He would do a lot to save a civilian, but Sam was right. He would do anything to save his brother.
"Alright I'm not mad anymore."
"Okay De... just don't go... I can't lose you too."
Dean sighed and sat down on the side of his bed to watch his brother.
"Just get some sleep... I'm not going anywhere kid."
Sam's eyes finally slipped closed, leaving Dean alone with his thoughts.
"You gotta take care of yourself Sammy... even if I can't be here..."
Dean thought back to what Layla had told him, that you can't just have faith when miracles happen.
"I have faith in us Sammy."