Seriously?!
So I am supposed to just go along with it, pretend to be happy, and not complain? If I don't follow his orders or displease him in any way, I get punished? A punishment that he deems appropriate for my insolence? Okay...I get it, Klaus doesn't want that kind of relationship with me or with anyone else for that matter. He basically wants a sex slave who will do whatever and whenever he wants. He desires a woman to serve as arm candy, obey his every command, and comply to his every whim. Who am I kidding? This isn't a romantic thing; this isn't even healthy. This is an abusive relationship disguised as kink.
God, this is so wrong!
The contract claims to be focused on exploring my sensuality and limits safely, while respecting my well-being, which is a complete bullshit! Because this has nothing to do with me...it's all about what he wants and what he gets.
Arrogant kinky british bastard!
It is supposed to be consensual on both sides , but how can I consent to something I have no prior experience with? I don't even know what my limits are! Again, this is all about Klaus so what I want is completely irrelevant. If he wants to do something that I don't or I'm not in the mood for it's tough luck for me. I've never done any of that stuff. Shit! It was just twenty-four hours ago I was contemplating losing my virginity.
The sexually transmitted diseases clause is good, but that should go without saying that you should disclose to your partner whether or not you're clean. Oh...and it's my sole responsibility to ensure that oral contraception be taken as prescribed to prevent pregnancy. Yeah, because it's the woman's job to make sure she doesn't get pregnant; it's not like it takes two to tango or anything. I'm not sure what happens if there's a breach of contract considering this contract is not legally binding! as it seems more like a work of fiction than a serious agreement.
The parts of the contract labeled "service provisions" that outline the roles of dominant and submissive are incredibly absurd. It states that the dominant must always prioritize the safety and health of the submissive. Yeah, right! Like he'll really be concerned about me when I'm hanging from cables with god knows what contraptions being used to torture me to submit , while he enjoys watching me as I surrender my free will over to him.
Jeez!
Oh...here we go. As the sub I am expected to consent to being owned, dominated, and disciplined throughout the term, with my body being available for use in any way he sees fit, whether sexually or otherwise.
In addition to this Furthermore, I am expected to acknowledge the dominant as my master, understanding that I am his property to be controlled and to be dealt with as the dom pleases during the term.
What the hell!?
If I understand correctly, as his submissive I would cease to be a person and instead become a mere doormat! He is not obligated to provide reasons for punishment and can utilize any method he desires. This control could potentially spill over into my real life, affecting every aspect of it. To me, this goes beyond just being a submissive, it is akin to being a slave.
This is some fucked up shit...
As a submissive, I am not permitted to touch or pleasure myself without the dominant's approval. Yet, I am expected to comply with any sexual activity commanded by him without question. Oh really! And whatever happened to hard and soft limits?
And as his personal Barbie doll, I am supposed to endure whippings, floggings, spankings, caning, paddling, or any other form of discipline the dominant decides to give without questioning or complaining.
Seriously? Is he for real!?
So, I'm expected to endure these beatings unquestioningly in order to be with my precious fucked up british billionnaire.
Being tied up this morning gave me a little taste of bondage, which I surprisingly didn't seem to mind, it was actually pretty hot . I wouldn't mind being blindfolded and possibly even gagged, but this is some heavy shit he's expecting me to accept without question. He says the red room of pain is more about pleasure than pain, well I need to know more about the pain.
Does Klaus really care what I want or does he just want me to become the scum on the bottom of his shoe?
This is so not romantic; it's abusive and creates an imbalance of power.
There are safewords for my protection; Yellow when I am nearing my limit of endurance and Red when I cannot tolerate further demands and need to stop immediately. This seems reasonable but how do I know that the kinky british bastard wouldn't get so caught up in the moment and adhere to them. The last section of the contract mentions something about pain threshold and gives a list of the types of acceptable pain/punishment/discipline.
Okay, how about no pain and none of the above.
I knew this whole contract thing was bad, but this is beyond anything I could have anticipated. I'm not even allowed to look him in the eye so how can I see his reactions and tell what he's thinking?
It's only for three months , could I actually do this and let myself be humiliated and tortured for his pleasure? He says the rewards to me outweighs the acts with him, taking me places I never knew existed, and all I have to do is please him and he'll take care of me.
I've definitely gotten a taste for sex having five mind blowing orgasms in the last twenty-four hours. It's addictive and I want more...much more, but in the long run how will this impact me? Every weekend I'll be with him, exploring my so-called sexual self. What will happen after the ninety days are up? Will I be discarded as number sixteen? It's too much to take in at once, I can't believe I've gotten myself into this kind of predicament.
With my head cradled in my hands, tears uncontrollably stream down my face.
Memories flood my mind of our unforgettable weekend filled with the lovemaking, the playful banter, personal revelations, the longing gazes and soft touches, I can't believe he would present me with this attrocious document. Do I mean so little to him? Besides getting an 'A' in oral skills he won't even let me touch him, and if I agree to be his sub, I won't be able to look him in the eye so how can I love him back?
It dawns on me that he doesn't want to be loved because he doesn't love himself. That fucking Mrs. Robinson made sure of that. But I do want to love him and I may have already fallen for this arrogant ass, but this is not the kind of relationship I need or deserve.
Feeling completely drained, both mentally and physically, I long for sleep and a chance to reflect on everything that has unfolded. Perhaps tomorrow things won't seem so grim.
That night disturbing images of a young blonde woman restrained and blindfolded on a four-poster bed under the menacing gaze of Master Mikaelson himself , invaded my dreams .
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The next morning.
Knock...Knock...Knock!
"Hey...you alive in there?"
Abruptly awakened from my sleep, I groggily rub my eyes and glance at my alarm clock. Holy shit! I've been asleep for a solid nine hours. It seems my body needed the rest after all that intense exercise.
Knock...Knock...Knock!
Bonnie knocks again.
"You okay Care?" She calls out.
"Yeah...hold on." I say, as I stumble out of bed, grabbing my robe and slippers.
Opening the door to let Bonnie in, she hands me a package.
"This just came for you. I hope you don't mind that I signed for it." She pauses. "I think it's from him."
Who else would it be from?
Rolling my eyes I thank her before taking the package from her hand and tossing it onto my bed.
"Aren't you going to open it?"
Giving Bonnie an annoyed look, I begin to open the small rectangular box.
"Oh, my God! What is it?" Sometimes Bonnie is way too excited.
"Oh look...it's the latest generation iPad Pro...just like his." My words are dripping with sarcasm.
"Umm, Care... most women get flowers or jewelry, this dude likes to shower you with expensive collectibles and technology."
"Yeah...you noticed? He's a weirdo." I reply causing us both to laugh .
I pull off the sticky note written by the pompous ass himself, instructing me to read my email on my newly setup "me" account.
I chuckle to myself, knowing exactly what this is about; me to research the BDSM shit and for him to communicate with me twenty-four hours a day. Turning on my new tablet I tap on the "mail" icon, and there it is , an email from my master-to-be.
FROM: Klaus
TO: Caroline
SUBJECT: Your new iPad
I hope you slept well and will be able to put this iPad to good use as we previously discussed. I look forward to dinner on Wednesday. Don't hesitate to reach out if you have any questions.
Niklaus Mikaelson
CEO, Mikaelson Enterprises
I hit reply...
FROM: Caroline
TO: Klaus
SUBJECT: New iPad (on loan)
I slept long and very well...can't imagine why. The iPad will come in handy for research. Just to be clear, that this is not a gift and will only be a loan...Sir.
Caroline Forbes.
He responds immediately.
FROM: Klaus
TO: Caroline
SUBJECT: New iPad (not on loan)
The iPad is on loan...indefinitely. And based on your tone, I assume you have read the contract. So,do you have any questions or concerns you would like to discuss?
Niklaus Mikaelson
CEO, Mikselson Enterprises
I can't help but grin...
FROM: Caroline
TO: Klaus
SUBJECT: Inquiring minds
I have many concerns but I would prefer to discuss in person and not via email. While I appreciate the gesture of the iPad, I do not wish to keep it indefinitely. And seriously! Klaus, we already talked about this...no expensive gifts, and don't you have anything better to do? Some of us actually work for a living.
Have a good day, Sir...
Caroline Forbes
He promptly replies once more, bringing a smile to my face.
FROM: Klaus
TO: Caroline
RE: New iPad (on loan...again)
Laters, baby.
Ps. I work for a living, too.
Niklaus Mikaelson
CEO, Mikaelson Enterprises
After turning off the iPad, I can't help but smile at his playful tone, and all negative thoughts about that nasty contract disappear.I promptly step into the shower and get dressed with a sense of ease.
Stepping out of my apartment, I'm surprised to see Matt waiting outside.
Shit!
"Hi care." He greets me with a smile.
Internally groaning, I know I have to talk to him.
"Umm, hi."
"You're back." He exclaims with relief.
"Obviously" I reply, my tone laced with sarcasm.
"I'm sorry about Friday night." He pauses , placing his hands on my shoulder. "I was drunk … and you … well-..."
"Just don't do it again. You know I don't feel like that about you."
"Duly noted... so , am I forgiven?"
"Yeah," I say hugging him. "how can I stay mad at you?"
As he starts to pull me closer , I break off contact and take a step back.
"He's making you do this...isn't he?"
I avert my eyes and remain silent.
"I told you I am sorry about Friday. We were both drunk and you were so ...uh, you looked so beautiful at the club and I thought if we kissed, you might see me differently ."
"Matt, you're like a brother to me. My feelings for you are purely platonic. I'm sorry if I led you on but I just don't feel that way about you."
His expression darkens. "So you're with him now."
"I'm with nobody."
"But you did sleep with him."
"That's none of your business!" I snap back, my voice becoming more intense.
"So you did." He says, mumbling to himself. "Is it the money?"
"How dare you !"
Taking a deep breath, he apologizes, "I'm sorry...I don't know why I asked that. I guess I just don't want to see you get hurt."
I can understand Matt's perspective and why he might feel jealous. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like having a normal guy like Matt as a boyfriend, it would seem less complicated than the way things are with Klaus but would the sex be as good? He's basically admitted his feelings for me, it would be so easy to embrace this possibility. And despite his momentary lapse in judgement, Matt is a good guy.
"Umm...I need to get going." I say, breaking the awkward silence.
"Care, please don't be mad." He pauses. "Can we have lunch sometime next week?"
"Sure." I reply with a smile, giving him a one-armed hug and a small peck on the cheek.
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Later that day...
After a couple of draining hours at work, I head back to my apartment . Retrieving my iPad, I access my email and find a message from Klaus waiting patiently in my inbox for my response.
FROM: Klaus
TO: Caroline
RE: Working for a living
Hello ,love!
I hope you had a good day. How did things go with that bloody photographer?
Niklaus Mikaelson
CEO, Mikaelson Enterprises.
God, he's so dramatic!
I hit reply...
FROM: Caroline
TO: Klaus
SUBJECT: Working for a living
I had a very good day. Also, can you please stop calling him BLOODY PHOTOGRAPHER , every time you mention him ? His name is Matt.
Caroline Forbes
FROM: Klaus
TO: Caroline
SUBJECT: Do the work!
Now ,why would I do that love? You know , how much I resent that bloke.
So tell me, how's the researching coming along?
Niklaus Mikaelson
CEO, Mikaelson Enterprises
I hit reply...
FROM: Caroline
TO: Klaus
SUBJECT: Nuisance
Seriously Klaus!? And If someone could stop bugging me, I could actually do that. I would like another "A", Sir.
Caroline Forbes
FROM: Klaus
TO: Caroline
SUBJECT: Impatient
I'm always serious , sweetheart. Do the research! I am looking forward to giving you another "A". The first one was so well deserved.
Niklaus Mikaelson
CEO, Mikaelson Enterprises
Chuckling at his playful comment, I hit reply...
FROM: Caroline
TO: Klaus
SUBJECT: Google search
What would you suggest I search for? "Kinks R' Us" or "BDSM for dummies"?
Caroline Forbes
FROM: Klaus
TO: Caroline
SUBJECT: Not Amused
Not funny, but if you must know...start with Wikipedia. No more emails unless you have actual questions. Understood?
Niklaus Mikaelson
CEO, Mikaelson Enterprises
Frowning at the grumpy response, I hit reply...
FROM: Caroline
TO: Klaus
SUBJECT: Bossy
Yes, Sir.
Also you're so bossy.
Caroline Forbes
FROM: Klaus
TO: Caroline
SUBJECT: In control
You have no idea, well maybe you do a little now.
Niklaus Mikaelson
CEO, Mikaelson Enterprises
Damn!
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Accessing the Wikipedia app, I type submissive in the search field and am astound by the abundance of information with regards to the origin, psychological and sociological impacts on the BDSM world. Shocked by the material and feeling somewhat queasy, I question myself in regards to wanting any of this in my head.
Do I really want or need this shit in my life? As my subconscious points out the controversial and questionable aspects, my inner self is craving like a child in a candy store, begging and pleading for more. While I have to admit some of this stuff is hot, can I give Klaus my full submission? Am I even capable of it? I do trust him and believe he wouldn't hurt me without my consent, but can I give myself to him entirely while he does God only knows what to me in his playroom? Staring at the beautiful retina display I come to the realization that I'm extremely turned on .
Urgh!
Unable to deny the fact that this new world of deviant behavior intrigues me as much as it frightens me, I need to focus my energy on releasing this pent-up sexual tension in a safe way.
After turning off my iPad, I opt for some exercise instead. I grab a pair of sweats, a t-shirt, and find a practically brand new pair of sneakers. With my hair up in a simple ponytail and my earbuds shoved in my ears, I exit our apartment to start my own private marathon.
*
He's staying at the Heathmen which is just a few miles away, if I actually had the energy to go there I could just demand sex from the control freak, but at the same time, I don't want to give him the pleasure of knowing how much he affects me.
With music blaring in my ears, I make it to a park and gear down to an easy walking pace. My mind is all over the place. What am I going to do? I want him so bad, but not on his terms. Perhaps with my superior negotiating skills I can alter the conditions of the contract...line by line. Perhaps. He needs to know how I feel and what I consider acceptable.
I still would like to know why he's like this? Yes...he was seduced and forced into submission by that fucking child molester at such a young age, but why doesn't he like to being touched? It's all just too much to take in.
The jog back to the building has cleared a path in my mind and allowed me to make an informed decision. Entering my apartment I pull out my earbuds and toss my keys , carelessly onto my bed. Reaching for the iPad , I quickly compose an email.
FROM: Caroline
TO: Klaus
SUBJECT: Goodbye
Well, I've seen enough. And It was nice knowing you.
Goodbye Mr. Mikaelson.
Caroline Forbes
I hit send and and anxiously wait for his reply, but after ten minutes of staring at the screen in anticipation, I realize there is no response.
Turning off the device my earbuds are shoved back in as I lay down on my bed and close my eyes. Waking up with a start I glance at the time and it's nine o'clock, I've been out for a couple of hours.
As I sit up I notice Klaus standing in the doorway of my bedroom.
"Wh-what are you doing here?" I ask , shocked by his unexpected presence.
"It was nice knowing me?" He responds back with a question, his eyes void of emotion. "Is that it? Is that your decision?"
"You gave me no choice. I can't be that person in your contract." I say, my voice wavering.
"Tell me Caroline, what kind of person do you think is being portrayed in that agreement?"
"You really wanna know?"
"Yes."
"A goddamn slave, your fucking property, a mere object for you to play with, with no emotional attachment." I spat out, looking directly at him. "You're the first man I've ever had feelings for and I've given you my virginity, but I won't give you my soul! I've worked too damn hard to get this far and respect myself too much for that."
Just as I'm about to continue on, we're interrupted by my roommate.
"Hey Care!"
"Um, hey"
"I'm going out with Kol so I'll see ya later."
"Yeah sure."
After Bonnie leaves, my attention is back on Klaus who seems stunned by my words. He inches closer, kneeling on my bed and gently caressing my cheek.
"Tell me what you want, love."
"Isn't it obvious? I want you, but not on these terms."
"What terms then?"
After contemplating my response, I decide to be honest, even though I know this could very well put an end to our relationship.
"I want more. I want to touch you and pleasure you the way you do for me, and I want to wake up in your arms."
Taking his hand from my cheek I kiss his palm and close my eyes.
To my surprise he pulls his hand away, rises to his feet and moves towards the door.
" I can't give you that, Caroline. This is who I am and this is all I want. I told you , I don't do the boyfriend thing. You knew that before last weekend and you still let me fuck you. I guess I was wrong about us, we're not compatible." He says, reaching for the door handle.
"That's it? That's all you've got?" I push myself off the bed and stand up, words tumbling out of my mouth before I can stop them. "Why the hell did you let me sleep in your bed, introduce me to your mother and confide in me!? Do I mean so little to you that you would impose that goddamn bullshit contract on me?" I wave the ten-page document in his face, almost throwing it at him. "What do you want Klaus? A brainless blonde bimbo who won't disagree with you, who you can order around, torture and fuck any way and any time of the day? Tell me what you want because I'm dying to know!"
Without a word, he grabs me by the hips and slams me against the wall.
"You don't know what you're talking about!" He says through clenched teeth, his lips just inches from mine.
"Then explain it to me!" My words are equally filled with rage.
Instead of answering me with words, his lips painfully crash into mine. The kiss is full of desperation as our teeth strike against each other with my bottom lip being bit and sucked on violently. While our tongues duel for dominance, our open mouths sloppily try to overtake the other for possession. Pressed against the wall, his hands find my breasts while mine tangle in his soft hair.
Panting and moaning with desire , I struggle to muster up the strength to resist him...
"STOP!" I yell out, pushing him away.
Stilling his ministrations, he stares down at me in shock.
"Please stop...I-uh, I can't do this." my words falter as tears well up in my eyes.
"Caroline-"
"I want you to leave." my voice barely audible, almost coming out as a whisper.
Klaus's jaw drops as he gaze deeply into my eyes while I try desperately to hold back tears.
"You don't really mean that."
"Yeah , I do."
The hurt on his face proves that this separation affects him too. Seeing his face I feel my own heart sinking deeper and deeper into the depths of my stomach.
"I never meant to hurt you, sweetheart." He says, taking a deep breath and running his hands through his hair.
"I'm a man damaged by his demons and those demons are hell bent on killing me and destroying everything I find beautiful." He pauses , as he cups my face in his hands , prompting me to look into his eyes. "And you, you are beautiful , Caroline... You deserve so much better , not a man who is fifty shades of fucked up."
One look into his eyes and I feel the hot tears beginning to form again and my body ready to crumble to the ground.
Staring at each other for what seems like forever. He finally breaks the silence.
"Goodbye Caroline." He say , as he walks past the living room and then the front door .
The moment the deadbolt clucks into place , I completely lose it and break down. Not since the day of my parents divorce have I felt such intense emotional pain.
Goodbye Klaus.