Feedback welcome :) - Warning for minor self-harm (tongue biting) + an unreliable narrator regarding the sh
"Y'know, it's— it's real funny, if you think about it!" He said, tilting on his side as he continued to drink. "I mean, throwing me in an orphanage just to adopt me later?! Ha! Who, who even does that?!" Laughter bubbled out of him even though he didn't think it was funny. But, somehow, now that he was actually in front of someone, saying it, it was just a big joke. No big deal.
"Tavish…" Jane briefly held up a hand, looking as if he meant to place it on the other man's shoulder, before thinking better of it and just keeping it in midair.
He curled in on himself, feeling the ever-present sense of his teeth against his tongue, already pulling at anything it could get a hold of. "Who does that!" He repeated, trying to stop laughing but being unable to. What was wrong him?
"Tavish—" Jane tried again.
"Oh, who cares! Yeah, great, my parents left me to, what, kill my adoptive parents? Whatever. I barely remember it anyway." Another bottle against his lips, teeth against his tongue. More beer washed away the blood.
The helmet covered Jane's eyes, of course, but he could feel him staring. Just sitting and staring as Tavish drank himself to a stupor and laughed at his bad luck. What was he doing? What was wrong with him?
He still didn't know why he was laughing. It wasn't funny. He didn't think it was funny. He sure as hell never laughed at it when he was alone. What was he doing?
"Tavish, maybe you should…" Put the bottle down, probably, but Jane realized that would get nowhere. "I mean… Are you okay?" So out of his element. A sharp wave of guilt washed over Tavish. What was he doing, ranting about this to Jane? He wasn't prepared for this sort of thing. He wouldn't be able to say anything. Hell, Tavish might be making everything worse for him! Who knew what Jane went through? Laughing at this sort of thing couldn't help.
Despite himself, he slumped down further, putting his full weight on the wall behind him. He downed the rest of the bottle in his hand and grabbed another, popping off the cap with practiced ease. "I'm fine," he said, a wide smile stretched across his face that felt so unnatural, yet he couldn't seem to get rid of it. "I mean, why wouldn't I be fine? My parents…cared. My mom cares." The dropped word was painfully obvious. It hung between them, and Jane just continued to stare at him.
Maybe if he kept drinking, he'd forget all of this. Maybe he wouldn't wake up.
More teeth pulling at his tongue, at the inside of his mouth, as he told himself to shut up. He was going to stop thinking like that. He swore he'd stop thinking like that. But of course he can't even do that, can't even do something as simple as put the bottle down and just breathe. He was still smiling.
Jane shuffled, adjusting his posture to sit more upright. "I…" He trailed off, teeth worrying at his lip, barely visible. "That's not…fine," he said, rather lamely, as if he knew that was a piss poor statement.
Tavish just laughed a little bit more, but at least it sounded sardonic. "Well, not much to be done, eh?" He continued biting his tongue, wincing when he bit off more than expected. He washed the taste of blood away with beer. Again.
"Stop that," Jane said, more confident than before, emphasized with a finger jab to Tavish's chest.
He resisted the urge to get defensive or roll his eyes, but still said, "Stop what?"
He could feel the glare Jane sent him. "You know what I'm talking about."
Not for the first time, Tavish regretted telling Jane about this particular bad habit. It didn't really hurt him, at least not in a major way, so it was fine. Yet, for some reason, Jane couldn't understand that. "Yeah. Okay. I'll…stop." The words felt a little bitter, but he knew it wasn't worth arguing over.
Jane relaxed a little, but was far too aware of how Tavish thought. He was probably watching out for the moment Tavish resumed, just so he could act all superior. Or whatever. So he could act like he had power over the other man.
And not for the first time, he told himself to shut up in terms not so pleasant and downed the bottle. He needed to stop thinking like that. It wasn't fair. Jane was just looking out for him. Maybe he could be misguided, but he cared.
Yeah. Was that his life story? Everyone around him cared, but didn't care in the right way. He grabbed another bottle without thinking. Didn't… Whatever. It didn't matter. At some point, you just have to accept it and move on. And sometimes, that requires the help of some scrumpy.
Tavish was brought back to the present when Jane bumped his shoulder into his side. He startled, something he was more than a little embarrassed to admit. He felt warmth spread across his face. "What?"
Jane shrugged. "You seemed out of it."
He looked pointedly away, and scoffed. "Whatever." He was doing just fine, all things considered.
A few moments of silence passed, enough for Tavish to feel awkward. He glanced back over and caught Jane frowning. It wasn't like he didn't frown often, but it just seemed different compared to usual. Less passive, more active.
For a second, he just stared back, feeling the anger from before melt away. "What?" He repeated, voice quieter.
Jane shifted, briefly glancing down at his hands, then off to the side, before settling somewhere around Tavish's shoulder. "Are you okay?" He kept rubbing his hands together, a familiar gesture that, as best as Tavish could gather, helped soothe him. Thumb tracing patterns across his palm before switching to do the same thing with his other hand.
He held back the immediate response of fine and tried to actually say something. He started to bite his tongue, cringed, and stopped. The least he could do. It actually took a lot of attention to not bite his tongue, which worried him slightly. Still, he sighed, and finally said, "I…guess not." He frowned, knowing that wasn't exactly helpful, but he couldn't think of anything else to say.
Jane hummed quietly in acknowledgement. He knocked a knee into Tavish's thigh.
All of the energy that Tavish had melted away. He found that he couldn't bring himself to care then about his parents, or even if Jane liked him as much as he said. Just that Jane was there, the air was warm, and he could hear crickets.
He leaned his head back against the wall, idly sipping the bottle in his hand. The stars were out. At least there was that, too.
The temptation to bite his tongue and the inside of his cheeks was still there, and he knew it wouldn't go away anytime soon. But at least it wasn't too bad right now. In the here and now, the pressure of Jane against his side. If nothing else, he had this.