Fear sometimes wondered if what he did meant anything to Riley at all. The young girl seemed so very innocent in his eyes. So very trusting, and because he was Fear he felt the want to always make sure she was safe.
It wasn't just the fact that she was growing up a little, she was also thirteen now and that meant she was soon going to be in high school.
But a lot of the calmer moments where he would try and make sure to steer the girl onto the right path, he found himself worrying more. She was a teenager now, and he was still frightened by pretty much anything.
This in turn caused him to lay restless, a shaking hand looking for his favorite teddy bear he had so humbly named Freddy. Even in the quiet glow of his nightlight Fear found himself kicking off his soft comfy blankets and scuttling out of his bunk.
The shared bedroom now a lot bigger as the nine of them slept all within the same space, so he was never quite alone that way. Loudly sighing he puttered along the carpeted floor and stopped tittering on a small noise.
The sound came from beside his own bed though in the pale light of he could almost make out an outline getting up. He paused, almost still as a statue, because that faint outline belonged to a grumbling Anger.
Anger what is he doing up now? At this time of night!? This is not good, this is not good at all, abort mission of cool glass of water! He thought,though hoping beyond hope that he didn't just yell all out that out loud.
Fear heard Anger move from off of his messily made bunk, muttering under his breath, "Go back to sleep Fear"
"I'm not here! Go away!" Fear whispered, his curl defensively laid flat against his head, as he heard a rough intake of breath before Anger's shadow dragged close to the doorway.
Why is he up anyways?
Fear nervously tapped his fingers barely following out the now opened door and inched slowly towards the doorknob. The particles on his back and along his neck interjected to him that this was probably a terrible idea. But he wanted something to cool his own worries away.
As he stopped keeping cups in their shared room after accidently spilling it on Anger's face. There was also the time Disgust and drank out of his own glass and he was still hearing her disgruntled yells of horror in his mind today.
"I know this is a bad idea…but I can do this!" He almost sang a rush of interlaced courage before his head snapped back down, "Yes I can, and I just need to be quiet!" So forcing his feet outside of the room, he took one look right. Then another left.
He was safe for now.
One hand went over his chattering teeth, almost biting down hard on his fingers as he tiptoed down the stairwell. The thought of a mad, destructive Anger looming on over his mind all the way towards the main floor.
"Anger, are you out here?!"
The threat clearly not an issue right now made him slump back in relief, as Fear brushed his sweaty brow and puffed out his chest.
At least neither of them were on dream duty that night, so it meant that he could at least be at peace as he heard the small snores of Ennui at the console.
Then without any prompt, that one lingering question wilted back at him, do I matter to Riley?
He then suddenly felt the small chills resign on his legs again, a mix of deep unsecured drifting guilt. The quiver of his breath barely resided as Fear at neck speed rushed from his place at the edge of the stairs and met the soft purple carpet underneath.
Just need a glass of water, calm my nerves back down.
Fear didn't really pay much attention to the odd frayed dream that was playing overhead. It was after all from Riley having spent all day watching reruns of an older show called Amphibia. Though he wished it was about his favorite new show, Bluey. That was calming and nice.
He crept past Ennui as she turned over and dropped her phone onto the floor; he could still feel the lump in his throat as he played with his pajama collar.
He broke for the kitchen with more energy than he thought he even had, he might have enjoyed the quiet but nighttime and darkness were his first fears. Made up of a time when Riley was five years old though he wished he too had that pass as fast as her fears did.
Now in the oddly dry air of the kitchen, he took a calm step near the cupboard and took out one cup. He was glad not to be shaking anymore, even as his hands braced the cup tightly as he leaned down on something nearest his arm.
The something in question lifted up its own arm and pulled the purple nerve's hand from off of its head. A cool, dimly starting ball of smoke lit up alongside the now steaming shorter ball of crimson.
Fear literally jumped two miles high into the air, landing with a soft thump over the chair near the table. His eyes large and pale, ready for flight as the red emotion lumbered over a plate in hand.
Grabbing for a paper bag that he often kept on himself, Fear squeaked out a sigh of pure muffled terror as he started his breathing routine, "In…" Huff. "Out" Huff.
He smiled as he pulled it back down, 'Ahhhh, yes that's the ticket!" He said, just as his purple eyes shot back at the crimson short stack that just stared up at him. Anger just rolled his eyes and found Fear rumbling a quick apology.
"Easy, it's just me", Anger said, his face a mix of cookie crumbs accompanied by a milk mustache before he wiped it clean off. Licking his fingers he placed the plate down and grabbed Fear by one arm.
"I'm sorry!" Fear stuttered, though with the glare Anger gave him he could feel his heart beat faster. Well this night was going…weird. He saw that Anger was oddly lost in his own thoughts, odd as Fear usually only seen Anger well not think much.
He could imagine the thick lines of pure scarlet and molten gold form off the hothead's top as the emotion in question looked up, one finger on his lips.
"Look..." Anger said keeping one hand on Fear's arm, but distracted still with Fear still waiting for the signs of smoke and fire. Fear knew that they both never much spoke to each other, as Anger tended to only be frustrated and that led to hurting him. They were entire opposites; one was a means of fairness and the other the means of safety.
Maybe they weren't so different that way.
"Look kid, I'm not here to hurt you!"
Fear stepped back, he moved backwards to see the odd expression on Anger's own face, an odd tiredness settling over the usually coldness. He watched as Anger too met his trailing stare with a more almost vague guilt.
But Anger was a rash and often violent, moody, reactive person.
They had been both silent for much too long now.
So the smaller of the two spoke up, "Okay I try to talk and you just shut down on me. Well that's to be expected, but c'mon!"
Anger then leaned over reaching out behind a secret compartment behind the sink as his hand rested on a pale orb. It was flaked with bits of gold and wisps of lavender. As he held it out to a surprised Fear, "Here take it!"
Fear tried to say anything, but nothing came out as he held the little memory.
"What is this?"
For once the crimson brick didn't yell at him, nor call him any names. There was no rattling of fog, or heat mixed out of intense fiery abrasion.
Fear just held the dim orb within his shaking hands, fingers paled as a form of energy strong and bright grasped at him with a life he never known before.
"It's called a retraction kid; it's like being able to be there with her" Anger said, staring up into the orb, "First time I did it, it was pretty hard on me". He then moved to push Fear out of his way before grasping at the door. Anger's gravelly voice startled him at how tired it sounded.
"A retraction?" Fear repeated; his face held in the glow of the orb he twirled it. Oddly as he went to touch it, he felt himself flinch as the orb pulled him close. His body spun feeling smaller and smaller, reeling quickly and then he was gone.
When he opened his eyes again, he was deep within the glowing ball, surrounded by strands of green and odd flickers of purple. Then he sat upright on soft green grass, just almost floating as he reached out and tried to touch it.
He felt every tiny green blade.
"Easy beanpole, it's going to be alright!" Anger's voice stemmed from behind him and all around him at the same time, and he noticed that he was alone. It terrified him but also kind of elated him.
"What's happening? Am I dead? I don't want to be left alone" He crumbled within the grass, taking large gasps of air into his mouth.
Am I going to die from bacteria?
"Don't be afraid kid, its' alright. I've done this before, this is a good thing. Please trust me on this for once" Anger sounded closer this time.
There was a quiet hum echoing within the air, as Fear floated down now awaking almost for the first time to a young blond girl. A girl no older than, "Riley?"
Two things were true now; he was staring directly at the girl he lived inside the mind of, and two they both weren't dreaming.
Though his mind told him to run, it felt disconnected from reality but he didn't turn away.
"Riley I'm..." his pale purple eyes moved to try and hold up a hand in peace, "I'm Fear!"
The memory of Riley faced him exactly at this moment, but she didn't hear him.
What?
"She can't hear you"
Fear paused, one hand almost lingering over where she had been naught a moment ago.
"It's too bad, it'd be nice to speak with her" Anger said, stepping into pace beside Fear, almost unreadable except for the quiet lowness of his own voice, "Be nice to meet her"
The words paled now as both of them watched the memory, Anger never taking one eye off of it for a second, "This is when she was eight wasn't it? She had fewer freckles then, shorter hair, and she was playing in that park back home in Minnesota"
"Ever miss it there?" Fear said misty eyed.
"All the time"
"How are we in here anyway? This can't be…" Fear broke out in a new worry, but Anger just stroked his back.
"Don't know really, it's something I stumbled upon one night when I was bored during dream duty" Anger smiled a bit, letting his own memory of it draw him back into nostalgia, "I kinda wanted to just show it to you".
"Why me?" Fear looked at him like the smaller emotion had lost his natural mind, because he had never really quite seen him well 'happy'.
"I sleep closest to you; I can hear you talking in your sleep Fear" Anger using his name left one hand stroke his bald head, "I..felt bad about my part in your worries. I just wanted to find something that could help you"
Fear stood there, his mouth wide, as his hands quickly vanished to cover his opening mouth, "You..are saying sorry to me?"
"I've been pretty much a large butthole since we've known none another. I'm quick to react and a lil' bit prone to taking out my rage on anything around me"
"You can say that again!" Fear snickered.
Anger almost punched him but stalled his arm, "I just wanted to say I'm not going to hurt you anymore and you don't have to forgive me"
Fear stared back only to note the tired bags under Anger's eyes as well; they were bloodshot, or more bloodshot than normal. A small wistful look held firmly over the crimson features, and what Fear could see, regret.
It was labeled so easily that the taller emotion felt discomfort at the mere knowledge of what this meant.
"Look at her, she's so..Riley!" Anger said, wiping his eyes with one sleeve of his wrinkled dress shirt, "So courageous, so smart!"
"Well she gets it from you!"
Anger just chuckled, "What are we? We sound like her parents or something!?"
"I mean..maybe we are?"
"I still wish we could meet her in person!" Anger stated.
"That would be nice but I still sometimes wonder does she need me?"
Anger looked up at him, giving him a slow quizzing stare, before answering, "Joy is here to make sure she's happy and be her light" He picked up a golden flower as he said this, "Sadness is here to help her feel her emotions, let her find empath and learn how to regulate herself".
This time he plucked a single white daisy, before turning towards a small growing violet, "You are for keeping her safe and letting her know what is dangerous. You have a purpose here Fear!" Anger clapped him along the back, "We couldn't do this without you"
Fear completely surprised asked without any hesitation, "When did you change?"
"Guess after that stupid mistake I made a long while ago" Anger sighed and bent down his head, a low surge of gold fire blazed low and simmering, "She means the world to me you know? And it pains me to have hurt her in any way!"
Grinding his clenched jaw, drawing a faint line in the air Anger calmed, "I always think there she is!" He proudly said, "I think there's my girl!"
Fear noticed that those same words were said too by Joy. She also called Riley, 'her girl'.Fear let himself grin, as Anger stood there so happy for once, his deep frown erased and slowly a hearty large toothy grin eclipsed it.
"Hey Fear!" Anger said, almost looking embarrassed, "She depends on you too, 'kay! She's our girl and she needs you too!" Though he said the last bit making sure his face was slightly away from Fear's gaze.
"You..just told me you care about me!" Fear shrieked taking Anger into his arms for a hug, "I thought you hated me"
"Hated you?" He sounded insulted then, but even Anger recalled his old past actions, his eyes hardened and went stern, "Oh string bean, I don't hate you. I just don't..always deal with my temper well. Also stop hugging me!"
Fear struggled as the red brick dove out from his reach and pressed two hands to smooth his shirt, "First rule, and it's don't touch me!"
Fear just shook his head and laughed.
"I think of you like a kid brother"
"I'm older than you by like three days!"
Anger just shushed him, "I'm exposing my feelings here, so shut it!"
They both laughed as Anger spat out the last bits of what he had to say, "I think of you like a brother then, it's uh, hard to think when I get all enflamed, when it starts it just sort of takes over"
"Well you're trying so thank you!"
That moment was quickly broken as a swirl of blinding purple and a trail of gold shook around them both. Fear wondered why it was his color, as the swirls came, his eyes spun and his hands tried to hold onto Anger's shirt. But there was no more grass, and now that the floor was gone he moved with a speed of light towards a white light upwards.
As he thudded with the hard, cold floor of back home in the tiled kitchen Fear let out a small sigh. Mauling over the pale form of one now dimly glowing Anger, who looked up at him eyes locked on his hands.
"Heeellp" Anger managed to cry.
The sound of rushing in his head made each of their voices grate against his throbbing temples, as Anger stammered and almost gagged on the floor.
"Heeeelllpp, he's hurt!" Fear called out.
"It's okay Fear!" Joy said as she got into the kitchen, 'I'm here!" She followed Fear's gaze towards the now whitish colored Anger, seeing the pale form lying still on the floor. He was barely breathing right now and just grasped at anything around him without seeing what he was reaching for.
"He had one of my memory orbs hidden in here. And then he touched it and I touched it..and we went inside". Fear sputtered out, his throat dry as his tears splashed along the floor, "He didn't mean for this to happen!"
"Fear it's going to be okay! He's still breathing!" But Fear didn't really hear her, even as she smiled at him, "He just needs time and a lot of rest"
"Kid…?" The tiny voice was all that the two of them heard from Anger, as Fear ran tearfully up to him pulling Joy by the arm towards the fainted emotion, "Kid? Joy?! Where I am? How did I get here?!"
"Shhh Anger, you're home now" Joy said, nodding towards Fear and helped push Anger off the floor. Anger sat up, still pale in color, but up and awake. Though his gaze looked oddly clouded over.
"Why don't you go back to bed Fear, I've got him" Joy said letting Fear step out and back to the stairway. But not before Anger pressed one hand into her shoulder.
"I went in there with him, forgot the rules is all!" Anger cast his gaze aside, as he hugged his knees, "You know this whole retraction thing it's in the manuals that I was reading two days ago".
"Retraction?"
"Yeah..it's a thing where you can go into a memory but I forgot about the part where I read that a red memory could only be gone into by me, and so on" He brushed one hand onto Joy's face.
"And you went into one of his then?" She was oddly beaming from ear to ear, "That's…awesome!"
"Yeah well have to remember there is a price for trying to get into another's memory orb!" Anger stated, lifting himself up.
"But it's possible to me to say go into one of my own right?"
"Well yeah?"
"Could you teach me to do it? Joy asked.
"Sure when I'm all better!" Anger then left Joy wandering back towards their room and slowly turned his mind back to what he had been thinking about.
She's going to make me show everyone now, isn't she?
He was right about that!