It was a cold winter morning in Arendelle. Queen Elsa was sitting at the desk in her bedroom preparing for a meeting she'd be attending later that afternoon. The meeting would be with her council and with the Duke of the Island of Perpetual Tickling. Things had not been going well with the Island of Perpetual Tickling as of late. There were even rumors that the island was going to declare war on Arendelle. Given the seriousness of the situation, Elsa knew this meeting would mean everything.
Even worse, the Duke of the Island of Perpetual Tickling was known for being a stuffy, ruthless, stick in the mud with not a bone of compassion in his body. They said he always blatantly spoke his mind (and not in a good way) and that he hadn't smiled since he was two weeks old- and that had only been gas. Elsa was nervous.
Just then, there was a knock at the door.
"Come in," Elsa called, still looking down at her papers.
The door flew open and in ran Olaf. He was wearing a flourescent crossing-guard-style vest and cap with a whistle around his neck and a red stop sign in one of his twiggy hands. The capital letters across the front of his vest spelled "ARENDELLE SAFETY PATROL". The hyper snowman scurried up to Elsa.
"I'mreadyI'mreadyI'mready!" he enthused.
Elsa turned around and saw that he was followed by Anna. The princess was bundled up in her winter bonnet and warm cloak.
"Elsa? I'm gonna go take Olaf to the school so he can give that safety talk. I'll be back in time to join the meeting. Okay?" she said.
Oh, right. Olaf's little safety talk at the local elementary school was this morning. He'd been practicing for weeks and couldn't wait to wear the safety patrol outfit Anna had made him. But it was so cold out! It was snowing heavily, and the wind was kicking up. Did they really have to go today?
Elsa put down her pen and turned to her sister.
"Um, Anna, why don't I take Olaf to the school? The weather's really bad. I don't want you getting sick."
"Oh, no," Anna declined, "It's not that bad out there. Plus, you have to get ready for your meeting."
"No, really," the older sister insisted. "I think I should be the one to take him. It almost looks like there's a storm coming, but you know the cold doesn't bother me. It's more convenient if I take him."
Even though Elsa had good intentions, this started an argument. Turns out Anna was sick of her sister acting like she was so much more capable than her just because if her ice powers- Oh, that's too dangerous for you; I have my ice powers to protect me and you don't. Oh, I'll do it. The cold doesn't bother me anyway.
"'The cold doesn't bother me, the cold doesn't bother me, THE COLD DOESN'T BOTHER ME'! HOW MANY TIMES do I have to hear the phrase 'the cold doesn't bother me'?!" Anna screeched.
"I'm just trying to protect you," said Elsa. "That's what a good big sister does."
"Well, contrary to what you may believe, your little sister is not five years old anymore!"
Elsa huffed. "And when you were five years old, I almost killed you by smacking you in the cantaloupe with my ice powers," she muttered.
"That doesn't matter right now! What matters right now is that YOU think you're sooo good just because of your powers! I bet you think that if you licked a frozen flagpole, it wouldn't even get stuck!"
Pfft. Of course it wouldn't get stuck, Anna.
However, Elsa didn't get a chance to say anything of that sort out loud, because before she could say anything, Anna yelled, "Now Olaf and I are leaving! GOODBYE!"
And she stormed out of the room and slammed the door.
As soon as she was gone, Elsa crumpled over her desk and let out a long, exasperated breath. Geez, Anna could be annoying sometimes. Kristoff didn't call her "feistypants" for nothing.
Then she heard a small voice from the corner of the room.
"Uh, Elsa?" It was Olaf. "I'm still here. Anna forgot me."
Awkwardly, Elsa rose and opened the door to let him rejoin Anna, then went back to her desk.
But once the snowman and her sister were gone, she found she couldn't concentrate on meeting preparations anymore. She was too fired up from the argument.
I need to cool off, she thought. Cold as the day was, she got up and went out for a walk in the garden.
Being outside in the fresh air calmed her mind back down. As she walked the frosty paths, the snowfall began to lessen, and the sun finally poked out from behind the clouds. Turns out Anna and Olaf had left at a good time.
After walking the garden paths twice, Elsa made her way to the castle courtyard and sat on the edge of the fountain, watching the flag of Arendelle in the courtyard's center whip around in the chilly wind. The sight of the flag made her think of what Anna had said earlier about sticking her tomgue to a frozen flagpole.
Little Miss Know-It-All, she thought. Of course my tongue wouldn't stick to a frozen flagpole. I am one with the forces of winter and snow and ice. I am winter itself. What the hell does she think?
Then, just for kicks, she decided to lick the flagpole. First she walked up to the flagpole and furtively glanced around, making sure no one was there to see. It would be really weird to see someone- especially a queen- lick a flagpole. Luckily, there was no one in sight. She observed the pole and touched it with her thumb. It was very cold and coated in white frost. Finally, she stuck her tongue out and plastered it to the pole.
Immediately, she knew she'd made a mistake. She instantly felt her tongue binding to the freezing metal. It was so cold it hurt. But what was this?! Oh, no… Her tongue wouldn't come off!
Elsa tried and tried to remove her tongue from the flagpole, but it just wasn't happening. In fact, it just got more stuck. Her panic caused her tongue to freeze to the pole even more, and the layer of frost on the pole to thicken.
It seemed snow queens really could get their tongues stuck to frozen flagpoles.
THREE HOURS LATER…
The council of Arendelle, Princess Anna, and the Duke of the Island of Perpetual Tickling were gathered in the library, ready to discuss relations with the Island of Perpetual Tickling. They'd been there several minutes already, but hadn't yet begun the meeting. They were waiting for Queen Elsa, who was late.
The Duke of Perpetual Tickling was obviously getting antsy. Knowing his reputation, the servants were trying to subdue him with hors d'oeuvres.
"More cucumbers, sir?"
The Duke ignored the servant who was holding a platter of Persian cukes in his face.
"We were supposed to start twenty minutes ago!" he said impatiently. "Where is the Queen?!"
"The Queen will be here very soon, sir. I assure you," said Anna, though truth be told, she wasn't too sure herself.
"That's what you said fifteen minutes ago!" the Duke snapped.
Trying to appear composed, Anna folded her hands into her lap.
Come on, Elsa. Where are you?
It wasn't like her sister to be so late, especially for important business. Maybe she was too upset after their argument? On second thought, no. Elsa was the Queen of Arendelle. She would never ditch a meeting like this just because she was still sore over some silly spat.
Maybe I should go see if she's in her room…
"This is ridiculous!" the Duke cried. "I can see that your Queen must not take relations with other kingdoms very seriously if she has the nerve to make us wait half an hour!"
Yeah, yeah, shut up. Anna let her eyes roam out the window and to the courtyard as she listened to the Duke continue to squeal.
"Why, when I get home," he went on, "I'm going to- "
"WAIT!" Anna yelled all of a sudden, shoving her chair back and shooting up so abruptly she made everyone jump. "There she is!"
She rushed to the window.
There was Elsa, smack-dab in the middle of the courtyard, seemingly… swapping spit with the flagpole?
"What the- ?!" the Princess exclaimed, and suddenly everyone in the room was right there with her, cramming themselves into the window as they tried to get a look at Elsa.
"What's she doing?!"
"Making out with a flagpole?!"
"Maybe we should give her some privacy."
"No, no, no, that's not what she's doing!" Anna said, noticing the way Elsa was squirming like a trapped worm. "She's in distress. I think she's… stuck!"
"Stuck?!"
And then they all heard the muffled scream from the courtyard.
"AHHH-NGAAAAAAH!"
This confirmed it all for Anna.
"Yup, she's definitely stuck."
Without another word, she bolted out the door and outside to her sister's aid.
Among the things they tried that day to unstick Elsa was pouring warm water over her tongue, as well as having her cup her hands around it to create a cave of warmth. Wondering if perhaps an act of true love would do the trick, they even had Olaf give her a big warm hug.
Nothing worked. The tongue was stuck as stuck.
Finally, the steward Kai said, "Enough is enough! Princess Anna, run along to the fire station and tell them we need help here. Tell them the Queen has her tongue stuck to a frozen flagpole. Hurry!"
"NGOOOOO!" Elsa protested, humiliated. But Anna was already out the gate.
Ten minutes later, she returned with ten firemen. The firemen were ultimately successful in detaching the Queen's tongue from the flagpole, with only minor damage done to the tongue. As soon as it was free, they wrapped it in soft paper to stop the bleeding. Then they guided the mortified Queen Elsa over to her sister, who draped an arm sympathetically around her as the former stared down at her own feet.
"She won't be able to eat solid food for about a week," one of the firemen explained to them both. "Not that it really matters. Several of her taste buds came off on the pole, and she has frostbite on her tongue, so she won't be able to taste for a while."
The second the firefighters were back out the gate, the Duke of Perpetual Tickling bellowed, "Well, are we going back to the meeting?!"
Anna was stunned. "Sir! You can't expect my sister to attend a meeting in this state!" She pointed at Elsa, who was standing around dumbly with a mouth full of paper. "She can't even talk!"
"Well, she can write, can't she?" the Duke shot back. "Give her a notepad! I didn't come all the way from the Island of Perpetual Tickling just to have this meeting cancelled!"
"Now you look here! I- " Anna started to argue, but Elsa held up her hand to quiet her.
"Ngo, ngo," she said as diplomatically as possible in this state, "Ih okay. Ar go."
And that was how the Queen of Arendelle ended up sitting at the head of that big table in the library before her council, her sister, and the Duke of Perpetual Tickling with papery floof hanging out of her mouth and two tablets of ibuprofen tucked into her belly.
Presently, she grabbed a posterboard from under her chair and held it up before the meeting attendees. On the poster board was some kind of diagram she had drawn up earlier. She took a pointer stick and began trying to explain the diagram.
"Nga nga nga, ngo ngo, bar har gah gum da. Erser bah giss giagram hoes gah hehur heh heh…"
But almost as soon as she began, the Duke of Perpetual Tickling cut her off.
"OH, look at her!" he cried out to everyone's surprise, standing up. "I'm not declaring war on… on THAT! She's PITIFUL! To declare war on that- on that POOR CHILD- would be a crime against humanity! I just couldn't!"
He swept up his belongings, donned his feathered hat, and marched towards the door.
"Goodbye, Arendelle! And may the white flag of peace forever between us fly!"
And just like that, he left.
"I guess he does have some compassion after all," said Anna.
…
It was dinner time at Arendelle Castle. Anna and Elsa sat at the long table in the dining room. Anna was chowing down on a chicken dinner with all the sides while Elsa lamely sipped her smoothie, trying not to make a mess. (In case she failed, her section of the table was protected with newspaper.)
As they ate in silence, a serving maid stopped in the doorway with a pitcher in hand.
"More smoothie, Queen Elsa?"
"Ngo hanks, ahng fahng."
The maid looked confused.
"She said no thanks, she's fine," Anna clarified with a smile.
"Ah." The maid nodded and went on her way.
"Elsa," Anna spoke up now that they were alone again, "I'm really sorry about our argument earlier. It was my fault. I may have overreacted… a lot."
Elsa took her notepad and pen, wrote something down, and held it up.
It's okay. It was my fault too. You were right. I need to remember that you're not five years old anymore.
"Oh, Elsa. We've both been through so much. It's only natural for you to feel a little overprotective. But licking a flagpole?! What were you thinking? Did you really think it wouldn't stick? I mean, I was exaggerating when I said you probably thought… you know."
Elsa looked sheepish.
"And frostbite on your tongue?" Anna continued. "I guess so much for 'the cold never bothered me anyway'".
The Queen giggled. Anna started to laugh too. When you thought about the whole ordeal, it was actually pretty funny.
At that moment, they heard a familiar, high-strung voice approaching from down the hallway.
"I mean, I can't believe Elsa actually licked a frozen flagpole. What was one of the first things I taught in my safety talk today? Number one was never eat yellow snow, and number two was never lick a frozen flagpole! Everyone knows that! Even me! Which is really funny because Elsa created me, and I'm only one, but she's, like, REALLY old, and that means she's basically my mom, and she didn't know it but I did! Maybe I should give her my safety talk! Right, Kristoff?" Olaf's voice was getting closer and closer, and they could now make out another pair of (human) footsteps behind him. "Anyway, I can't wait to see the look on her face when we give her her present! She's gonna be so surprised! And- ELSAAAAAA!"
Olaf barrelled into the dining room like a bat out of hell and launched himself at Elsa in a huge bear hug. But he did it too fast and too hard, and Elsa fell off her chair and landed face first on the floor, which did NOT feel nice on her injured tongue. She let out a scream.
"NGAAAAACK!"
"Oh, my God!"
"I'll help her up."
"Elsa! Elsa! Elsa! Look what Kristoff and I bought you to cheer you up! I picked it out myself! It's a snowglobe! I knew you'd love it! It has a beagle puppy in it and he's holding a sign that says 'sorry things have been ruff'. Get it? 'Ruff'? Isn't that adorable? Anyway, I- Hey, Elsa, are you okay? You kinda look like you're in pain."
And as they say, all's well that ends well in the land of Arendelle.
Or doesn't.
The End