I barely remember how to write every time I want to work on this because I'm an idiot and it's in fucking 2nd person of all the POVs (like who does that? oh me apparently). And there's only like 5 of you so, let's be real here do the mistakes really matter? Is the corniness too much? Never mind- don't answer that- I don't care if its too much, it soothes me.
Chapter 5. Hot 'n' Cold
You have been sitting on the edge of your bed staring at your groceries for the last 30 minutes while the exchange you had with Jade just kept replaying in your head. Finally, you just blink an ungodly number of times and shake your head to try and make it stop.
The consequences of your irritatingly big "kind heart" have always been a problem, but this was a new level even for you. Glancing at the clock you register that it's now almost 7:00PM and you should at least try to function again.
'You just had to intervene didn't you,' you mumble to yourself as you stand up to start putting everything up. The fact that there wasn't a specific time or anything to expect Jade was eating away at your nerves more than you would care to admit to yourself.
With the groceries put away, you glance around and try to resolve yourself to clean up the already clean apartment more. You clear a spot in the bathroom, and a shelf in the fridge, and then try to get an area cleared away of all your stuff in the furthest corner of the living room.
After sweeping for the third time, your phone chimes and it scares you out of your silent thoughts so much that you jump and drop the broom. It chimes again shortly after, and with a small uneasy chuckle to yourself you walk over to the phone and see that Jade had texted you.
[Hey, I know that I said he was going to change the locks tomorrow, but I was hoping you would let me come tonight.]
[If you're still willing to have me at all that is. I know you were probably just letting your heart talk instead of your head, so feel free to change your mind.]
You inhale deeply while deciding what to say back. After a few different drafts you finally reply
[Don't worry about me. I said what I meant, and I already cleared a spot for you, so you should be good to come on.]
There's barely any wait for a response.
[I appreciate you.]
[ETA 8-8:30 then]
The phone falls from your hand onto the bed. That was an unexpected thing for her to say but she isn't exactly predictable to you right now either, so whatever.
With a sigh you head to the kitchen to make a PB&J.
'Nothing like eating like an elementary kid as a grown adult,' you think with a frown.
Opting for carrots and ranch as well, you open the fridge and collect the cold ingredients. After dropping the bread in the toaster, you dip a carrot into the ranch and walk to your dresser. You pull out your fuzzy pajama bottoms and reach for a tank top before subconsciously pausing and deciding to go for a t-shirt instead.
The toaster pops and you go to make your sandwich, tossing the clothes on the edge of the bed. With a loaded plate in one hand and strawberry-banana body armor in the other, you walk to your half table and sit down, scrolling absentmindedly through your phone while you eat.
Getting the remaining excess of the Ranch on your last carrot, you stand up to rinse your plate before setting it in the almost full dishwasher, mentally noting it needs to be started after you shower.
Checking the time, you see that you have about 15 minutes to shower before 8:00 PM. Frowning you try to decide if you would rather shower before she gets there in the last few moments of solace, or use it as an escape after she arrives and the inevitable awkwardness clouds the room. You pick the former, and head to enjoy your last few minutes of emotional peace for a while.
You blare FLETCHER on your shower speaker, no thoughts, head empty as the scalding water cleans the day off of you.
The steam permeates the whole bathroom. You relish in the coolness of the fabric as you put on your sleep clothes. The towel teetering precariously on your head as you hop to get your remaining partially damp leg in the pjs.
"Tea time," you say to no one as you go to turn on your electric kettle. As it heats you shuffle through your designated tea cabinet, opting for your most soothing and relaxing tea. Right before the rolling bubbles, you pour the steaming water into your cup. You stand there watching the tea diffuse as you bob the bag up and down.
Your phone chimes from your bed, but you glance at the stove to see the time is 8:22PM before going to read the message.
[I'm here.]
Walking to the door, you remove the towel from your head and drape it on one hand to ring the remaining water out of your hair, and with the other hand you go to open the door. Immediately you're face to face with a fist coming directly towards your face and you scream, dropping the towel as you flinch away, arms up.
"FUCK! Tori, it's ok, it's ok." Jade says quickly, rushing in with her palms towards you to try and calm you as her giant black duffle falls to the floor. "I was about to knock because I didn't know if you had seen my message. I wasn't going to hit you, I swear."
Slowly you lower your arms and look at her, your heartbeat in your throat. With a shaky exhale you nod and move to the side to let her come in all the way. You can't help but be a little guarded as she walks past you. You close the door and watch as she walks slowly to the middle of the room and sees the empty section of floor in the far corner.
You walk back to your tea and take it to your bed. "Sorry, I was just surprised that's all."
She looks at you over her shoulder, "No apologizing, you didn't do anything wrong."
You look down to your tea. "Ok."
She continues talking as she moves her duffle bag to her new space, "I'm serious. You didn't do anything wrong. You didn't say anything wrong."
You glance at her turned back, brows furrowed at her comments, "Um, are we talking about just a second ago still?"
She kneels down, pauses, and unzips the bag but she doesn't look at you, "Yes and no, I guess, but we don't have to get into that tonight." With that she pulls out an air mattress before continuing, "Actually, I'd rather we not. It's been a long shitty couple of weeks, and this is the first night I'm actually hoping to get a decent night's sleep." She finishes unfolding the mattress and then looks at you with her hands on her knees.
You hear the tone of indifference but you see the fatigue on her features, the stress in her posture, and the poorly hidden plea in her eyes. So, you drop it and give her another small nod before taking a deep sip of your tea.
She goes back to her project, turning the pump on and seeming to get the remaining stuff she needed for the night out of her bag.
You pull at your teabag a few more times while she's moving around. Eventually, you decide that she's probably had a rough day and maybe needs the relaxing tea as much as you did, so you stand up to make her some.
The pump suddenly shuts off. The water is still heating so you turn to see her putting her blanket over the bare mattress and throwing her pillow to the other end before just laying down on it facing away.
You make the tea, and then carefully walk over to her. You stop a few feet away, mug in hand.
She rolls over to look up at you, and then glances at the cup so you extend it out to her. As she sits up, you notice she looks worse close up.
"You don't have to drink it, but it may help," you say as she takes it from your hand.
She meets your eye for a second before taking a sip. You go to turn and walk away but she startles you by grabbing your hand. "Tori," you look down at her, "Thank you. Again. For everything," she says as she releases your hand.
You give her a small smile this time before going back to your own tea by your bed. There's a silence as you both drink the tea.
"You work tomorrow?" she finally asks.
"No, actually, I got today and tomorrow off."
"Oh, cool." She says before taking another sip. "This tea is delicious by the way."
"Thanks, it's literally the only thing that relaxes me on my bad days. It'll knock you out too though, so I hope you're ready to sleep soon."
She laughs at that, "What are you trying to say Vega, that you sedated me or that I need my beauty sleep?"
You smile and shrug innocently, "you said you needed a good night's sleep."
She nods in agreement, and right on cue a yawn escapes her. Since you were watching her, you yawn, too. Which means you're both laughing again.
"Do you *yawn* need to shower or anything?" you ask as you go to put your cup in the sink.
"Should I? Probably. Will I be doing that tonight? No. I'm about to pass out from sheer exhaustion." She gives a little stretch as she finishes her sentence.
You nod, "I don't blame you, me too. All I do on my days off is sleep and try to muster up the energy to be an adult. But I'm about to go brush my teeth, so I'm offering you the bathroom first if you need it."
She shakes her head slowly, "I'll take care of all that after you're done."
By 9:40 you were both in bed, and you're pretty sure you could hear Jade snoring softly as soon as her head hit the pillow.
*The next morning*
Slow mornings are your favorite, and after waking up without an alarm and quietly making a pot of coffee, you had your headphones in while you scrolled through your morning dose of the clock app.
Jade was still asleep in a deep, deep state of unconsciousness, like she hadn't slept in weeks.
Around 10:30 AM she finally started to move around. You watch her wake up from the corner of your eye. She gives a big stretch and then just stares at the ceiling for a while. Eventually, she gets up and grabs a change of clothes before walking to the bathroom. Neither of you really even acknowledge the other. Soon the shower turns on and you zone out, all but forgetting she's there.
She comes back into the living room about 30 minutes later, and you can feel her staring at you.
"You going to talk or just stare at me?" you say without looking up.
The stammering that comes from her direction is the only reason you glace at her. Discomfort is plastered on all of her features. You raise your eyebrows expectantly. She looks down with a frown .
"I, uh, was going to go to the arboretum…water all my plants and stuff." She clenches her jaw a few times.
"…ok?" You respond with a hint of a questioning tone as to why she's telling you this.
She inhales and turns around, putting her shoes on. You go back to your phone.
"Do you want to go with me?" She finally gets out.
You look at her blankly, thinking of all the answers you want to say but probably shouldn't.
"No thanks," you respond and look back down. After all, you're still upset.
She frowns, pausing for a moment before going towards the door.
Hand on the doorknob, she looks to the side. "Please?" she says.
You look at her and narrow your eyes at the side of her face. She glances to meet your eyes, an uneasy smile on her lips.
You rub your face, contemplating the scenario. "Fine," you mumble.
She looks suddenly hopeful as you get up to grab clothes. You retreat to the bathroom and get changed, brushing your teeth and putting your hair up. The reflection you see in the mirror shakes its head at you and you shrug.
The car ride is silent. You sit in the passenger seat with your arms crossed and she taps the steering wheel with her thumbs uncomfortably.
You walk around the little greenhouse area admiring the plants. She has apparently taken over one secluded section, because there was a large sticker on each pot that said
'Property of Jade, touch and you die'.
She seems significantly more at peace walking around her greenery than she has any other time you've ever seen her. A few more minutes pass before she finally sets the hose down and brushes the soil off her hand, a satisfied smile on her face.
"All done," she says looking over to you, "You want to go for a walk through the rest of the place? I didn't get to show you much last time."
You shrug and nod, not quite the enthusiasm she was hoping for apparently because she seemed a little disappointed as she gestured for you to walk through the greenhouse doors.
The breeze was a tad chilly but the sunshine was nice. You walk under an arching branch of a tree and through a plot with a sign that says 'Pollinators'. There are little holes drilled into a bunch of old logs stacked under a little roof situation. You shoot her a questioning look.
She shrugs a little as she walks behind you, "It was an attempt to attract some of the good bugs after the honeybee colony died." She points to another little covered area with a few stacked white boxes.
You walk a little further and see there's an old koi pond that is now straight algae, the water fountain in the middle dry as a bone. You walk to the side of it and sit. Looking over into the green murk, you see a few gray minnows still swimming around.
"My grandparents used to raise koi fish," you say softly, "I miss the serenity that used to come with it."
Jade sits next to you, leaning over to inspect it as well. "No one wants to claim it as a project, so it's still just green and nasty. I bet it would really make the place pop though. It's been like this the whole time I've been here."
You both sit there for a little bit, watching the little minnows that have survived against all odds.
"I dropped my phone in the toilet." She says, suddenly breaking the calm silence.
You look at her, bewildered as to where that was going to take the conversation.
She swallows, not looking at you, "That night. I accidentally dropped my phone in the toilet right after I read your message."
Surprise and confusion creeps into your face.
She continues, "So, I didn't have one for a bit. Then when I saw you in the library, I panicked because I knew you had probably been texting me. You were so angry as soon as you started talking, I didn't even know how to react. Then I realized as you spoke that you really had no idea what had actually happened at your apartment that night." She said the last part with a little laugh.
Now she was looking at you, the confusion was now seeping into every memory you had for the last couple of weeks.
She rubs the back of her neck, "I could say a lot of things, but none of them really make anything about it all ok."
"Try," you say simply, needing more than the vagueness she was giving you.
She inhales sharply, "You were right? I lied? I'm sorry? Any of that work?"
You shake your head, "Fat chance, keep going."
She laughs at that, and your shoulders relax a little.
"It was just easier, you know, to let you be mad at me." She mumbles, turning away.
"I wasn't mad at first," you bite, "just really fucking sad, so if you're going to be all nice again you're going to have to do a lot better than this explanation."
She groans, throwing her head back "Ugh, I know. Ok. I know. And I'm sorry."
"So?" you prod.
"I know you didn't mean anything by what happened that night." She glances over to you and then pauses to collect her words, "I could see that you were just messing around…but I…wasn't."
The last part comes out slowly, she watches your face seeing that you're still not grasping the meaning of her words.
She rolls her eyes at you, "I wanted to kiss you." She finally says, and the lightbulb goes off in your head. Surprise layers your face as she continues, "I wanted to kiss you, and I wanted whatever we were joking around doing to actually lead to something. I tried to kiss you, and then you realized the situation and freaked. I thought you were freaking out at me, so I got the fuck out of there. Then the fucking phone situation, then you blew up on me and I realized you had no idea. It was just easier to not address anything with all my other shit going on. It all spiraled. Now, we are here."
"Oh," was all you could manage as you sat dumbfoundedly staring into the water.
"So," She clicked her tongue a few times. Neither of you spoke, instead just sitting in a strange awkward silence.
Suddenly you snapped your head over to her and smacked the side of her leg with the back of your hand.
"OW!" She glared at you.
"You mean to tell me this was all because you didn't think I wanted to kiss you, too?" You glared back at her, "And not to mention you just weren't willing to acknowledge that you DID still have a crush on me. I've been miserable for literally no reason?"
It was her turn to look surprised, "Oh."
You stand up, still glaring, "Let's go. You're buying me lunch to make up for all this shit."
Not used to being the one taking orders, Jade stood up slowly, "I mean…sure, yeah."
You point towards the parking lot and she starts walking. As you follow her, she says, "So, what does that mean?"
"It means I'm still mad and hungry." You say with an eye roll she doesn't see.
"Well, I gathered that but you never really…. responded to the other…stuff?" She slows down in front of you, and you push her lightly to keep her walking.
"I heard it, I'm processing it, and I'm still mad at you. You're going to take me to get food and earn back a good standing with me, and then we can talk about it again." She stops right in front of you and you nearly bump into her as she turns around, a big smile on her face.
You cross your arms and stare at her- the glare is a permanent feature on your face, but it falters as she hugs you. You uncross your arms and hug her back right at the very end.
She leans back, her arms on both of your shoulders gives you a sheepish look, "I am sorry, I know that was a dick move and I could have handled it better."
You point towards the car again, "Whatever, I want a burger, and you've got a lot of ground to cover before we are cool again."
With a little smirk she nods. Quicker than a blink, she kisses your cheek and turns around, walking with a new fervor.
As she walks further away, you watch with your hand on your cheek, the surface burning hot. "Less ground," you mutter to yourself, blushing against your will as you walk towards the infuriating brunette, "less ground to cover."