Cold. Hot. Pain. Relief. Terror. Calm.
All of these sensations rocked me. My muscles locked, terror ripping my stomach apart and burning me from the inside. The need to scream, to hide, to move, overwhelmed me, my eyes refused to open. My senses told me to fight for my life, but there was no foe. My strength failed, limbs heavy and unresponsive. They couldn't fight. Where was I? Why were my muscles so weak? Why did everything burn and freeze at the same time? So many questions and silence would be my answer. A sour heat burned every injured part of me; broken bones, bruises, cuts, burns, bullet wounds. The agony downed out common sense but it the pain never reached me, as if trying to force pain through pin and needles. It couldn't be described, these sensations. Nothing… nothing made any sense.
"Benezia is dead," a flanging voice said above my head. "Not surprising, she fulfilled her purpose. But what to do with this human? Why was she brought aboard?" it asked.
"The Advocacy remains here," a deep, monotone, robotic voice roared. It sounded as if someone had turned up the volume far too loud on a TV. Pain splintered through my body, erupting ever nerve. Even with my eyes closed, white spots blinded me as my head pounded. "Organics are fragile. The Saboteurs are not so dissimilar,"
"But Sovereign-" the male voice said.
"This exchange is over, Saren. Leave. The Advocacy awakens. The command must be re-established. Organics only complicate the process," the robotic voice answered, the tone dead.
"And Virmire?" the flanged voice asked.
"A course is set. You will go to Virmire and complete your mission. The cycle must continue," the robotic voice concluded.
"Yes, Sovereign. As you wish," the flanged, male voice said before the sounds of footfalls disappeared with distance.
My muscles trembled, but every nerve stuck, as if something forced them to remain still. Had that been Saren? Sovereign? This was Saren's ship? The ship could talk? What the hell was going on? The fight to open my eyes continued, struggling to force any energy into the action. After many minutes of failure, one pried open. My vision swam with a hazy swirl. When it cleared enough for me to see, found my eye travelling up a tall ceiling. The angles disjointed and peculiar, forming patterns that my mind almost comprehended before it shifted a millimetre, the pattern changing. My mind struggled to process it, a headache blooming as my mind struggled to think. My head wriggled to turn my head, discovering something heavy pinned me in place. When my heart rattled in response, adrenaline flooded my system. What held me, what was the source of my discomfort? The sight before me turned my blood cold. Horror punched me in the gut as a scream tried to rip itself from my frozen throat. My other eye popped open and the full scale of what lay before me struck me like a freight train.
Cables and wires slipped under my skin like worms, gliding through the muscles and skin. It left a trail of smooth, bulged lines running up and down my body. Sometimes, one would move, sending my heart fluttering. Circuitry, coloured brilliant cyan, radiated along my skin where the cables entered. In one case, a cable exited me as it disconnected from the main cable to join another. Hyperventilation sank in as my limbs flailed to sit up, to give myself a better vantage point in which to fight free and yank the wires from my body. My head yanked back, a twinge of pain activating the sense of touch in the area. There was a cable locked to my skull. A small sound escaped my voice then, a gagging whimper.
The adrenaline gave me strength, the terror gave me motivation. My arms wrestled my way up, pupils the size of pin pricks as I hoisted myself into a sitting position. The wires tried to pin me back down, swinging like snakes as they ensnared my limbs. My hand grabbed one wire diving into my hip, pulling it. The pain that burst through my body blinded me. When the white spots vanished from my sights, a cable hovering before me, small wires dancing their way to my face like claws. A scream ripped out, body flung backwards, but my voice snagged as the cable latched onto my forehead. The wires wriggle their way through my skull. My voice found itself, screeching as loud as my lungs allowed.
"Enough, Nazara," A somewhat feminine voice inside my head said. It was still monotone, still underlain with robotics, but my head split open from it. Every muscle froze, only my eyes continued to twitch. My brain couldn't send the commands to move another muscle. "Agitating the Shell does nothing but increase it's resistance,"
"Nyryntha, aid is needed. The Keepers have not responded. I cannot wait for your Shell to ready itself,"
the first monotone voice, Sovereign most likely, answered.
"I know of this. The Protheans were always a nuisance. However, this Shell conflicts me at every turn. It fights the commands and the trigger, the fusion and mass effect generators have not turned. What of Raheem, Macaulay?" the female one asked, my mind shattered with each syllable.
"Raheem's Shell is destroyed. Macaulay has infiltrated the batarians. He cannot aid," Sovereign didn't sound all that bothered. Though it was hard to tell with no variation in the tone. My body refused to respond to a command.
"And the other Saboteurs?" the female one asked, Nyryntha did he call her?
"You are the last to confirm status. All others are ready or destroyed. Harbinger demands action. The cycle has stalled," Sovereign said.
As silence stretched out between them, my thoughts could continue unhindered. Every time the one named 'Nyryntha' spoke, my entire body shut down. There was no control of any part of me during that time. My body shuffled into a comfortable sitting position, eyes flying to the cables around me. Surrounded by a nest of cables, a sea of black and cyan, a tremor shook me. The cables around my limbs tightened as my back pulled itself away from the cables, a few hovered around my face as if to warn me from trying anything funny. My muscles froze, gulping down air. The mass of wires around me loosened enough to allow my current position, realising my resistance had stalled. Nothing made sense, there had to be a way to get answers. Saboteurs, Shells, Harbinger. What were all these things and what did it have to do with me? Like a chick in a nest with the ship as my angry, strict mother, where to begin? It would have been comical had terror not destroyed my sanity,
"What's going on?" I managed, my voice quivering upon each word. "Where am I? W-What's happening to me?" That last question writhed out, air failing me. The cables rippled, my eyes swinging around them, waiting for one to attack me. One slipped into my left arm, already filled with God knows how many, and my broken arm snap back into place. The sound made a scream, but the pain... the pain never came. Cybernetics knitted my bone together, echoing an electronic clicking sound. The silence dragged on, long enough to force me to bury my face into my knees. Had the voices been part of my imagination? Was all of this some terrible nightmare?
"Your Saboteur is underdeveloped," Sovereign... Nazara, whatever its name was, said.
"It would not had that turian and salarian not intervened. The fusion generators reached 98%, but the Shell evolved past its protocols, fighting the trigger. Then the salarian trained it, pushing it beyond the control walls set in place to protect the code. I need to reprogram, there is no other course of action now. This Shell has adapting too much the current code," Nyryntha sounded almost annoyed.
"What the hell are you talking about?" I exclaimed. Sovereign made a sound of annoyance.
"Be still, Shell. You are a mere speck of an annoyance compared to the rest of the problematic issues at hand," the monotone voice was harsh, like a bull whip. My body shrank in fear. Well… at least they weren't imaginary. Answers, I somehow had to get answers out of this situation! My mind boggled. Alone and with no sure fire way of saving myself, there was little I could do. Gone were my guns and omni-tool, leaving me defenceless.
"A-Answer m-my questions an-and I'll sit still, please," I asked, the words forced out. There was no guarantee I would be able to keep my promise but there were few options available to me. The silence strained. Time ticked by, no answers on the horizon. My muscles jerked as the cables moved, wriggling under my skin and around my body, My heart crashed as something shifted in my chest.
\"You are a Saboteur, a shell created to meld into organic society with the purpose of monitoring and undermining them as we prepare for their coming destruction. Your sole purpose is to house, what the organics have named us, a 'Reaper'. Upon arrival for the cycle to continue, the shell will be consumed and we emerge in full form," Sovereign answered. My eyes studied at the harsh angles, the deformed corners of the room until my head burst. A Reaper? There was a Reaper inside of me? They wanted me to destroyed society? Why would I do that? Why was there a Reaper in me, how? It made no sense!
"How? H-How can there be a Reaper inside of me? You're kilometres tall!" I exclaimed. My voice only managed the smallest quiver.
"You carry our software, our purpose for existing, not our physical forms. Your body is equipped with fusion and mass effect generators to replicate any necessary parts to preserve the Shell. The fusion generators create the base elements needed to re-create enough of our parts to allow seamless amalgamation. The mass effect generators give mass to these particles, allowing plating, wires, all that is necessary, to form," Nyryntha answered. With no tone, it was difficult to judge anything by her words. Once my head cleared of the blinding headache, My mouth opened.
"B-But t-that makes no s-sense! I-I'm a walking fusion bomb?" I asked. The thought horrified me. One wrong bullet, one stray projectile, and these generators would explode in a fiery ball of hell. But... But everything I learned about fusion was that atoms created through this already had mass. Why did you need a mass effect generator to add mass to them? Unless it was to speed up production or... or it was to change the atoms into something else, make an iron particle heavier, denser. Who knows what formed a Reaper's skin? "W-Why am I not m-melting?"
"Organics never cease with the questions," Sovereign would have sighed had he been organic.
"Agreed. Shell, you have a single question left. After which, you will be silent. Your vocals are an unwanted distraction," Nyryntha informed me. One question? But there were so many! How had they created me, where was I, what was their plan with me, how to defeat them? Ok, scratch that one, they would never answer that. What about my memories, were those memories fake, where were these generators located, how many were there, why were they using organics as sleeper agents? So many more questions... and I only got one? Eyes scanning around the room, the hard angles made me wince. There was only one question to ask, a shaken breath heaved in.
"What... What am I? Am I human?" The last word was a struggle to say, my voice failing. If I wasn't even human, if all of this had been fake, if all of my memories were false then-
"You are 94.42% organic, human as you say. The remaining 5.58% is that of our technology. By some organic standards, you are more human than some," Nyryntha answered. I was still human. Thank God, some actual good news! "Now remain still, Shell," and that ended the conversation.
With little else to do without the threat of pissing of a massive ship, I submitted. My back lay against the massive coils of cable and watched the blue neon lights glow and colour the room in a blue hue. The cables rippled under my skin, the aching muscles easing, the burns healing and the broken bones reset and knitted in minutes. The two Reapers remained silent as they communicated through electronic means, unwilling to give me a reason to speak again. After what felt like hours, the cables buried under my skin slipped free, sinking back either into my body or into the nest of cables around me. The cables had – to my conflicted horror – been healing my injuries. What would have taken weeks had taken hours. Dammit, I wanted nothing to do with these machines!
To ease my taxed mind from the multitude of questions demanding my attention, my mind needed a distraction. Summarising everything seemed like a good idea. I was a Reaper. I was a Reaper… God that put a sour taste in my mouth. Well, technically, I was not Reaper, but part of me was Reaper tech at least. There was no indication what, where or even where this Nyryntha stayed inside me. What made little sense at all was how my body would become a Reaper. Sovereign's large legs growing out my body flickered through my mind. My organic shell peeling apart as the generators inside me formed the Reaper. Was that even possible? Regardless, the image overpowered me. My head buried into my hands, shuffling among the coils to hide from the thought, as counter-intuitive as that was.
As the hours passed, Saren re-entered the room. Sovereign's annoyance wriggled through me. Well, the cables vibrated, so Sovereign was feeling something. Don't ask me how that translated that into irritation, Saren couldn't be an easy person to work with. My gaze locked onto the turian, the rogue Spectre, and terror clenched my stomach in full flood. He reminded me of a husk somewhat, the way he glowed blue around his mouth. The cables stuck to the back of his head and all around his body and his electronic blue eyes glowed. His side fringes extended well past his head, different to Valérien's. Val's looked normal, even short by turian standards. His silver sheered skin gleamed blue from the room.
"Sovereign, everything on Virmire is ready for arrival. We'll have the Conduit's location soon," the turian said.
"Acceptable. We are 2.43 hours from landing. Prepare your army. Do not fail me," Sovereign warned.
"Yes, Sovereign," he bowed his head. Saren looked to me, staring upon me with interest. "You are awake, Saboteur," he said. My shoulders jolted, shuffling deeper into the nest, away from him. The turian smirked, straightening.
"W-Where are my guns? M-My omni-tool?" I tried to sound forceful, like Mat'al, but it tumbled out, pleading for answers. The comfort of weapons would be perfect right about now.
"You understand that due to... your complications, you cannot be trusted with such things. We will destroy them in due course," Saren said. My blood boiled, erupting like superheated water. The rage blinded me, consuming me as it bashed down my barriers. There was no time to feel surprise before it cindered me. The anger emerged from a dark hole hidden inside me, it rose like a red tide. The red haze had consumed every thought, twisting them into violent, bloody images.
"Destroy them," I whispered with nothing short of acidic venom, "And I will kill you, with my bare hands!" The sentimental value of those items, Val and Mat'al both trusting me with such weapons, the improvement in my life and skills. Hell, they pissed off even the Reapers, they were priceless!
"And this is why I have failed to control this Shell," Nyryntha said, although the prospect of me hurting this turian amused her. Sovereign was all but silent, but the cables rippled around me. What emotions those where, who knew.
"You will leave the Shell's possessions intact, Saren," Sovereign ordered. Saren frowned, confused and off put.
"Yes, Sovereign, as you say," he turned, eyes dead yet still moved like something twisted him, telling him to... ah shit.
"You're indoctrinated..." I wheezed, the anger withering. Indoctrination was the twisting of an organic mind to serve the Reapers, do their bidding. There may not be as much to worry about as my monsters suggested though. Could an indoctrinated servant turn on...? Saboteur that housed one of their leaders. Saren straightened, as if insulted.
"I am not! I am too useful using my free will-" he said.
"And you believe them?" My voice quivered. "These things are machines, they don't care about things like that! They can force you to do anything they want and you would think you were still making those decisions yourself. That's the entire principle of indoctrination!" Why bother helping him, my mind mused. He had been behind the attacks on a human colony, the monstrous things on Feros, Therum and Noveria. But... if he was indoctrinated... maybe it hadn't been his will. Either that or I was too virtuous.
"They may be machines, but they are far, far older than we. They know how organics work-" he began again. Once more, my voice cut him short.
"If they knew then I wouldn't be such a thorn in Nyryntha's side!" I snapped. Saren blinked, as if seeing through a haze. It only lasted a moment though, his gaze levelled once more.
"You are a Saboteur... you are always different," he said. My eyes opened. What did he mean by that? That answer wouldn't have a response soon, that was for sure. No one will explain this crazy shit. As Saren's demeanour turned colder, it was time to shuffle away from him. Distance between us could only be a good thing. I didn't want to test the theory that indoctrinated servants would harm a Saboteur or not. There was no point. Inside of Sovereign, no one would break free from anything, me or Saren. If it was even possible to break free from indoctrination and the Reaper in my head...
"Leave, Saren," Sovereign ordered. The turian jumped, surprised.
"Yes, of course, Sovereign," he bowed his head. The Reapers did not speak until he was out the room. The frown remained on my face, still plotting a plan to get me out of this situation, to see if there was something I could do to help or even to understand the situation... Right now, nothing came to mind. My exhausted body slumped against a massive cable as tall as I. Everything was going to hell.
The flight to Virmire continued in silence, my eyes remained on the coils to prevent a headache busting my skull like a champagne bottle. There was so little that had been explained to me. Can Nyryntha read my thoughts? She might, although how why she struck me as female was beyond me. She could be a boy and only sounded like a girl because her 'Shell' was or… why was I debating the gender of a Reaper? They didn't have genders! At least, they didn't seem to have genders. Nothing happened, not a twinge, so maybe my thoughts were safe from her. Bloody machines, my teeth grit. And that's what they were. Machines. My teeth toyed with my lip, an idea forming. Perhaps if I could find the generators, then maybe I could shut them down and-
A tingle of pain radiated across my body from my spine, causing a shudder. Ok, yeah, Nyryntha could read my thoughts. Well, with that question answered, that left me with few options to consider in my current state. And more questions. How could one combat something that not only hurt me but also hear my thoughts? Nyryntha would know of my plans as I thought them! Could my presence indoctrinate people because of the Reaper tech in me? I whimpered, curling up into a ball. God, there had to find a way to stop this! There must be a way but... I was just one girl fighting a hyper-advanced machine. My thoughts turned to a possible one-way trip into the nearest star. That was my fail-safe.
And once again, lightning pain that twitched my nerves was my reward. My muscles tensed, fighting the wince, shutting my eyes as the wave of pain passed. My lungs released the soured air, counting the seconds. There had to be a way off this ship. Away from Nyryntha and her painful reminders... and that reminded me, a frown formed, why did Nyryntha annoy me now? What had stopped her in the past? What had made her come forth now? My blame fell at the feet of Sovereign, he would always get the blame for this problem and everything related to it. But leaving this damn thing was the problem. I get away from him and get somewhere where everything could sink in.
"Saboteur," Saren summoned. I jumped, spinning to face him as he entered the room for a third time. His smile gave me anything but comfort. "You are to come with me,"
"Why?"
"If Sovereign wanted you to know, he would have informed you. Now come," Now my knees trembled, my heart fluttering in my chest. What would happen to me? What were they going to do to me? My body shook as Saren approached, noticing my turtled up body in the coils. They didn't protect me this time. He all but dragged me from them, making me yell and struggle to break myself free. It was all pointless, mind you. Saren never raised hand nor voice, he dragged me from the room until my feet walked and even then he kept a firm grip on me. There had to be a way to escape, to return to somewhere safe... or at least familiar so I could get my priorities straight.
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