"I hate parties," I grumbled as the shuttle slotted itself back inside the Starquake. "Who was the asshole with the bowler hat?" Mat'al chuckled at my description.
"Archen Werous, very influential member of the turian hierarchy," Mat'al's said, eyes gleaming. "Did you not enjoy your dance with him? He seemed quite taken by your hair," My glare only made the salarian chuckle, my fingers clutching my skirt for prevent fists from punching Mat'al. Or attempt would be more accurate.
"He had two left feet! Dammit, I can do Highland, Scottish Country and Irish but even ballroom isn't even hard! Fucking ballroom dancing!" My hands tugged at my hair at the mere mention of that dancing style. Mat'al laughed, a foreign sound welcome to sore ears. "Was it too much to hope that that they would phase out that disaster of a medieval dance?"
"It was a very classy party, Dell. You did well though," Mat'al said. "You even controlled your tongue."
"My father was a politician," I sighed, still seething over the ballroom dancing. "He taught me many a trick for people you would rather punch in the face but still walk away from with them owing you favours," My head shook, my curls wilting on my arms. "I would not have worn these shoes if someone had told me there'd be dancing. I'd rather squeeze 5 dozen Dashing White Sergeant rings into a tiny hall. Fuck, it turns into hexagons after a while," a smile grew as the memories surfaced, the countless weddings and dances that had featured a cèilidh. Homesickness smashed me in the face with a hammer. A brick dragged my stomach towards my feet, leaving a trail of coldness behind it. My expression ell, earlier joy dying in my arms. With emotions sobered, my aching feet took my weight to leave the shuttle. Mat'al offered an arm, eyes alight. A scowl formed, but the heat vanished the second it formed. Despite this, the distraction was welcome. "No more arm holding,"
"But you still have another party to go to in a few days!" Mat'al said, feigned horror. He grinning upset my already distraught stomach. "And this one, from my reports, is even higher in class," A glare now replaced the scowl, heat rising with each word. While happy to see to the salarian returning to his old self, he felt like he owed me some pain, to catch up on the last few weeks. My tongue stuck out as my feet touched the floor, arms folded across my chest. Something felt wrong as my eyes scanned the cargo hold. My feet froze mid-step, eyes on the empty spot for the second shuttle. Where they not back yet, had something happened? Concern pricked the hairs on the back of my neck.
"Lanster," I called. Jhort glanced over while he moved and locked the shuttle down. He would spend a few minutes to ensure the shuttle had clamped down, the clamps liked to seize. "Hasn't the other team finished?" A chill ran down my arms as we stepped towards the elevator. Silence. "Lanster!" No response. "Goddam it, are the microphones broken down here or something?" My eyes locked onto the elevator, pace quickening. Mat'al stayed silent, a frown creasing his lips and his eyes narrowed as he followed me, his relaxed posture now alert.
We took the elevator to the bottom CIC floor. My eyes flew across the halls, seeking answers for the silence. No alarms, no damage, nothing. But the silence froze every muscle. Fear drained my body of heat, my hands shook as my lungs lagged to find an even breath. The eerie silence of the CIC reminded me of a haunted house, the suspense from a lack of movement sending chills running up and down my spine. My eyes skimmed past Mat'al. He pulled a pistol out from his coat. My head nodded towards the cockpit. My knees bent, hands, my hands slipped my heels off while Mat'al slunk towards the nose. If the worse came to worse, losing the heels would make me silent and would not hurt my feet. Mat'al vanished from sight. What was going on; Lanster not reporting in, no one in the CIC? Had the Saboteurs found me? That sent my body trembling. Mat'al reappeared from the doorway. He shook his head. Empty. Someone should always be at the helm. How else had the doors opened? Unless Jhort had a special key or pin that unlocked it from the shuttle...
The heels found themselves dumped on the captain's chair while my focus switched to following Mat'al through the engineer tunnels. If someone had boarded us, we could sneak around in the tunnels and gauge the forces before being discovered. The red hue of the tunnels unsettled my calm, an anger burning under the skin. My throat worked overtime to swallow, my mind trying to peer through the red haze descending over my vision. A hand itched for the Carnifex at my thigh. Just to feel that gun in my hand would give me a huge confidence boost. My mind turned away from it, climbing ladders with a gun in hand would draw attention from the noise alone. We climbed two floors to the crew deck. Mat'al raised a hand. We froze like deer in the headlights. The silence ticked on. No, not quite silence. Rumbles of a voice reached us. Mat'al's expression tightened, creases forming on the corner of his mouth and eyes. A small bubble of battle lust rushed through my body, tingling every nerve. We eased ourselves out of the tunnels. The ladder led us into the crew bedrooms. Once free from the red lit engineer tunnels, we pinned ourselves against the wall on either side of the door leading to the mess hall. Mat'al opened a small vent in the wall. We waited, breathing.
"...we don't find her?" a voice sounded, distorted. Sershin, perhaps.
"Pray that we do," Val said. "Dell will flip her shit if she finds out," he emphasised the 'flip her shit'. My gaze met Mat'al's, feeling my face contort. He frowned.
"The ground crew can't find her?" Raisha asked, distress lining her voice, as if someone had broken the most horrible news to her. The calm krogan stood shaken. What could shake up Raisha of all people?
"No," Lanster sigh. "No sight nor sound of her. She's just vanished,"
"It's for the best," A female snorted. "Indira is such an annoying cow," My shoulders bristled. Indira, vanished? My tongue ran over my teeth. My bones knew who that voice belonged to, and my blood boiled. "Oh, I'll help, I'll help. Oh dear, I just broke the thing you've been working on for the past week," the voice finished, mimicking the drell.
"Lay off," Lanster scowled. "Indira just wanted to help, she's just enthusiastic-"
"You saw what the bitch did to me on Sur'Kesh!" the female roared.
"Iona!" Val snapped, growling deep in the back of his throat. My vision hazed. My face felt red hot as the angry flush took over. "She did it because you laughed at Dell. She was getting payback on you-"
"I have to agree with Iona, although perhaps not as strongly," Arthan said. A slow murmur of agreement rolled around the room. Mat'al gave me a long stare to pin me in place. It was then my quivering body registered. The anger shook every nerve. "I know she means well, but she hasn't proved to be anything more than a minor distraction for the captain and a disaster for the rest of us. She yanked a fuel line off two weeks ago,"
"And then there was the whole engine issue. We're all screaming to fix the de-pressurisation and loss of the back-up rupture shields and here she is skipping around doing fuck all," Belak Rencer grumbled, a black spotted, brilliant blue salarian.
"Not to mention she decorated the engineering deck. Took us hours to get that wallpaper off the drive core consoles!" Quin Gyneris, the silver turian with red markings differing from his brother with his amber eyes. His brother, Xervus, had green eyes.
"I liked it..." Shayan offered.
"Shut up, Shayan, no one asked you!" Aergus growled. The quarian whimpered. My veins were on the brink of melting. Rage had never blinded me like this in my life. They knew nothing... nothing!
"That is a superior officer you are speaking to, Aergus," Val snarled, trying to regain control of the situation. "Know your fucking place-"
"Oh don't get me started on you," Aergus snarled. "The only reason you are in charge instead of Iona is because Dell can't stand Iona! And how the hell is she a captain anyway? Does she have military experience? Doesn't look like it after the Illium mission! Although, she saved our asses from the STG, that much I respect. You, however, are fucking her for all we know! All those little 'chats' you two have up in her quarters," the volume of the disgruntled aliens grew. "The only half-decent people in any position to command were Raisha and Mat'al! They are useful!"
It was time to intervene. No words could describe my rage. Any bullshit flew my way and they would feel my wrath. Shoving myself off the wall, I stormed through the door with Mat'al beside me. He cast me curious, if cautious, stares. No one noticed my entrance though, the cries of displeasure had enraptured many of the crew members, focusing on the ring of commanders standing by the bar. My jaw popped as my eyes studied those that remained silent, or bore the brunt of the assault. The commanders, the remaining krogan not on the mission to Thessia, the drell, Mysinous, Anthon, Lanster, Saere and the new joins. Only they refused to fight command. It was Shual who spotted me, his tall frame eclipsing the other aliens. His eyes sparkled at my murderous expression. He nodded his head towards Mat'al, grinning as amusement lit his face. My gaze spared a glance to the salarian. He offered his pistol with a new addition, a wide barrel to increase the sound ten-fold. He put blanks in it, which my rage snarled at. But my fingers snatched the pistol, raising it above my head. The bang deafened me. The resulting screams gave no satisfaction until a look of horror slipped over many faces.
My arm remained straight for several seconds, twitching back to point the gun to the ground. My eyes scanned the crew, sparing none for the fire consuming me. Shayan's face burst into relief, Val and Raisha mimicked worry, expressions tightening. The krogans grinned aside from Ferilsa, the small female shuffling behind the older males. Lanster's shoulders sagged, Anthon's eyes sparkled. Saere frowned, watching my body language. The drell and hanar stood at the back, silent and distant.
"Anyone," I hissed. "Speaks, I will shoot your fucking face off," the still warped the room into a lead sarcophagus. My rage had become infamous, but perhaps there was something different about this time. The fear blanketed many an expression. "You dare defy the people I put in command? You dare question my choices?" My tone rumbled, quiet, but the crew flinched. Those that remained straight sweated. They feared me, knew a machine like the STG Saboteur lived inside me. They didn't know what set the Reaper inside me off, many were too afraid to try it. "How dare you? How fucking dare you! I should throw every one of you out the fucking airlock!" I thundered, slamming the useless pistol into Mat'al's chest. My armed Carnifex extended in my grip. Live bullets may deter them from getting wise. Call me cruel or Christ knows what, but there was only so much a girl could deal with. My feet paced towards the crew.
"Raisha and Mat'al are XO and Commander because of their experience. While the XO may not have military experience, her expertise lies in other fields. Valérien is a commander due to his vast knowledge of technicalities of combat," My gaze snapped to Iona and Aergus. "Anyone can leap into battle and call themselves leader. How well did that work for you, Iona?" I asked, striding towards her. "A real leader get their men out in one piece. Do good leaders abandon their 12-man crew to a thresher maw?" Iona shuffled, mandibles pinned to her cheeks. "They survived because Val led them out!" Aergus straightened his shoulders, coughing. "We are not sharing a bed, soldier. And if even if we were," I jammed the Carnifex under his haw. Aergus' eyes widened. "Why the fuck does it matter to you?" Aergus swallowed. "Know your place, soldier, or I'll toss you to the Reapers myself," He stumbled back as my hand thrust the pistol forward before returning to my side.
"Shayan is Commander because of his experience and creativity in engineering. He wasn't chosen for his combat abilities. I needed someone with a good head on his shoulders, one that is screwed on," I hissed. "You could take a few lessons from him, if you bothered to open your fucking ears," My feet stalked away from him, towards the bar where Raisha and Val stood. Mat'al remained glued to my side. "Now then, onto this matter with Indira," My eyes pinned Val down, his expression straight as he understood how close to losing it I was. "What the fuck has happened to my commander?" Val shuffled, clicked his mandibles. He did not fear my Reaper. His fear that a blood bath would occur on the ship caused his hesitation. He sucked a deep breath in.
"Indira... did not rendezvous with the Thessia team after the mission. She has not been in contact and not answering any calls we make to her," he said. My breath released through my nose. Indira had... upped and left?
"And good riddance too!" Iona snapped, flustered and embarrassed I had revealed her black stain on her record. I spun, baring teeth. The tension strung like a noose.
"You- You are treading a fine line. Do you think she's useless? Do you think she doesn't take her job seriously?" I asked. A silent rumble sounded, not an agreeing one, but a rumble all the same. I had a gun, a Reaper lived within me and looked angry enough to smash a krogan's face in with my bare hands. Too many feared repercussions. "Useless? You think Indira is fucking useless!?" I thundered. "You owe her your lives! When we de-pressurised after the engine exploded, why were we not sucked into the deepest depths of space when the rupture shields failed? Why was Indira dancing around doing nothing, as you claim? She was holding up a biotic field around the whole fucking ship to prevent oxygen leaking out! She was our rupture shield!" the silence returned, laden. A few salarian eyes flew around the crew, looking for verification. "The flight crew knew, they watched the dials and wondering why people weren't dying when the engine ripped open part of the hull! Shayan knew because he was looking at the same data! She was dancing around to strengthen the field in places when it was most needed! She could only do that if she stood in one area of the ship! You call that useless!? She is our strongest biotic and even she struggled to shield us all!"
"And then there was the whole decoration of the engineering deck. I ordered that! A little prank to liven things up, to distract the crews from blowing a fuse because of software bugs! It fucking worked, did it not, Saere?" I demanded, spinning to face the turian. Saere nodded, blowing my anger off her shoulders. She kept her expression tight though.
"Stress from the science teams dropped about 43%. The distraction and change of duty revitalised brain activity. Some even slept better before they returned to work," Saere shrugged.
"And the fuel pipe. Well, why should I explain that? Let us ask the head of our engineering, hmm? Shayan?" My gaze swivelled to Shayan. My tone softened for the quarian, my sub-consciousness controlling my tone.
"We... W-We would have lost engine five. The pipe suffered from severe corroding and in the days leading up to it, rust particles entered the engine. I-It would have contaminated the engine, blocked fuel lines and start an engine surging process..." the red-masked turian said, shaking under the stares. "I-I had diverted fuel but the drop in pressure caused the particles to coagulating into large nodules... I-I asked Indira to rip off the pipe before any of this larger material entered the engine..."
"And why didn't you tell us?" Eshoria asked, the female silvery salarian frowning.
"N-None of you would listen... you kept talking over me when I tried to explain. N-None of you listen u-unless the captain tells you to," Shayan said. Lanster crossed his arms as he leaned back, mandibles clicking as he snorted at Aergus and Iona. Both refused to meet his eyes. My hard gaze swung around the crew before me.
"Indira was chosen because of her dedication to get the job done, one way or another," I said. "I chose her because she isn't afraid to do what is necessary. She has risked her own live to keep you safe. Any biotic can tell you what happens to your body when you hold a large shield up for any length of time! And she did that without being asked!" My lungs dragged a breath in, trying to chase the haze away. "Dismissed. And if I hear another ill word against my decisions regarding the commanders, I will deal with you myself," the room had petrified, silent. A wheat field waiting for the wind the cease. A snarl ripped my lips apart "Dismissed!" I roared. A cry of startled 'Yes, Captain' rang before the crew scattered. The next breath refused to calm me, my gaze aiming for Lanster who remained seated. "Indira refuses to make contact?"
"I'm afraid so," Lanster answered, unafraid of my anger. Brave man. "Even hacked into your mail account – you need a better password – and sent one that way but still, nothing," My expression flattened, making Lanster flick his brow plates up. For someone who had just hacked the near-murderous captain's email account, he slouched against the counter, relaxed.
"I'll be in my quarters. Calming down," I said. My eyes focused on the elevator to save me from killing anyone else. The commanders remained behind. My rage could not deal with anyone right now.
So loyalty issues within the crew had surfaced as a problem now, and a commander who had deserted us/ All this to add onto the other problems of not knowing where to lead a Reaper search and study team, no computer banks to assemble and prep and our money diving into the negatives. My fist slammed on the lock button once inside my room. Without Indira here, only Mat'al could hack it without Lanster's help. He would only betray me if he decreed I needed help. Maybe. My hands dragged the Kirby grips out my hair, letting them spill and scatter on the floor. A hairbrush straightened the limp curls. When was this shit going to stop happening? When would a few good days happen, just once? My breathing eased, settling myself for the task at hand.
My fingers trailed along the smooth table top of the desk, one reaching for the communication network on my computer. My only hope was that Indira will answer the call. Indira's number dialled as I lowered myself to the chair, preparing for the long wait. An hour passed with no luck, every five minutes heralded another attempt. That hour dissolved into another hour. Night drifted on, never ending. Any knocks on the door were left ignored. No one tried to hack it. Lanster voiced his concerns over the intercom, something about food and sleep. To pull me back to some semblance of my old self, he informed me that the next mission team had been dropped off. He got a brief nod, my eyes fixated to the screen. My mind refused to think of sleep. Saere called through the door for a time but she refused Lanster's offer to open the door. She wanted me to come to her myself. She would wait a long time.
At 4:17am, Indira picked up.
"I forgot how persistent you are," Indira said, lips dropped, expression sagged. Her bounce and flare all but gone from her. A scan of the background provided me with nothing, just a blank, featureless wall. My shoulders rolled back, flicking a small smile.
"Damn right I am," I said. My lungs wheezed, taken aback by the answer. My throat too small, too small to let air in. "Indy, I need you to come back to the Starquake." the drell dropped her eyes, slouching against the wall behind her.
"I'm not wanted, Dell," she sighed. My shoulders bristled. She never called me Dell... never! "I just get in the way,"
"The hell you do," I snapped. "I nearly shot Aergus and Iona today for bad mouthing you. Christ, you can't even save their bloody lives without criticism," Indira laboured a laugh, shaking her head. This Indira wasn't the Indira that had bounced me half-way around the Citadel. No in-your-face, no bubbliness. She lay as if on the brink of death. All the energy had gone from her.
"I think someone said the greatest achievements are overlooked the most. I think I see what they mean now," she smiled at me. "You don't need me,"
"Indy, who will keep me sane? Val? Mat'al? Raisha? Shayan? Listen, please, things are just turning around. It was your idea to turn merc until we knew where we were going, until we put money in the bank. Who will help me keep Iona in line?" I asked.
"I'm sure Lanster can keep you sane," Indira said. A snort ruptured free. Lanster was a character but he was predictable. And a terrible flirt. "I'm sure Val can keep Iona in check... he's good at that," Why was she trying to find excuses not to come back... dammit, I can't lose someone like this!
"Indira, please. Please, don't do this to me," I pleaded. I begged with my eyes, my whole expression opening, distraught fear pinning me to the chair while the drell gazed through me. She flicked a smile. It was fake.
"Sorry, Dell. I don't see how I can make anything better," she said, rubbing an eye. "I'm going now, you'll be ok. It'll be easier without me screwing around all the time,"
"Indira, please-!" I tried, staring as a blank screen lay before me. "No, no, no. Oh God, please, please don't let this happen," My fingers redialled, but the familiar voicemail answered. Time after time, the system redialled. She had to come back. She had to! I couldn't lose a friend like this! Dammit, it had to be the Reapers. It had to be! Had they put a device on the ship that could indoctrinate people? Was that why they were rising against me? Abandoning me? Indira refused to answer. Goddam it, you monstrous machines! I hate you! Every drop of my hate-
"This is not of our doing, Shell. This is your incompetence, your weakness, your inexperience. So afraid are you to aim your fault to another," Nyryntha rumbled in my head. The headache throbbed, tears staining my cheeks. My fists slammed on the table as my vision cleared, the pain shuddering up my arms. It snapped my fragile control, stress and frustration bursting. My ears never registered the sound of someone forcing the door open until my hands pinned above my head, eyes staring into silver speckled navy eyes.