Friendly Neighborhood Nine-Tails
Disclaimer: I do NOT own Naruto.
Regular Speak
Thoughts and Flashbacks
Demonic or Animalistic Speak
Demonic or Animalistic Thoughts
The trek to the village was quiet. Or, at least as quiet as a walking Kaiju-Kitsune could be.
"So...we're just going to walk straight up to the village like this?" Shikamaru asked slowly.
"Yes," Naruto answered bluntly.
"Don't worry, I'll send a shadow clone ahead to inform the Hokage," Kakashi assured with an eye-smile over his shoulder.
"...Shouldn't we vacate his back then? You know, in case they try some kind of preemptive strike?" Temari asked nervously.
"I should be able to protect against anything that should reach us," Gaara pointed out neutrally.
"And I'm fairly sure I can take a hit or two," Naruto mused.
"You're just oozing with self-confidence," Tayuya snarked with a smirk.
"You got one of those curse seal thingies, right Red?" Naruto asked with a scowl.
"Umm, yeah, why?" Tayuya asked with a blink.
"Did you know what your new body could do the first time?" Naruto pointed out dryly.
"...I see your point," Tayuya said sheepishly, "I didn't even know I had fucking horns until the third tim-WOW!"
The entire mountain of fur, muscle, and chakra came to a complete halt, sending everyone jerking and Kakashi nearly falling off the head, "What the hell, Naruto!?" Shikamaru asked, blushing as he found his head between Temari's open legs.
"...You had horns," Naruto repeated in a deadpan, "Red, please tell me that somebody made Horny jokes?"
Everyone, especially Tayuya, face-palmed at that, "Yes, asshole, they fucking did!" She answered in irritation.
"Oh thank you! Someone had to have, but I'd rather it not be me," Naruto said with a sigh of relief as he began walking again.
"Naruto, a little warning would be most appreciated!" Lee called, nearly losing his lunch at that sudden stop. Which he found strange, as he never had that problem before when moving at high speeds, but he had never rode a Bijuu either.
"Consider it training for riding on a giant summon's head!" Naruto called back with a chuckle.
"That is true," Kakashi admitted, "...Though, in fairness, fur seems to be harder to hold onto with chakra," He mused thoughtfully, remembering riding on some toads with his sensei a few times.
"...Naruto?" Gaara spoke up, "Shikamaru had his head between Temari's legs. Does that warrant another song?" Gaara asked curiously.
Kakashi almost laughed as he saw the enormous ears perk up at that and felt the massive muscles moving beneath his feet as the eyes widen, "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TWO DOING ON MY BACK?!" Naruto yelled in outrage.
"Nothing, we swear!" Temari promised quickly.
"It was an accident, honest!" Shikamaru added in.
"I don't know, your face was getting really deep in there~" Tayuya teased with an evil smirk as they glared at her.
"What is with you!?" Temari yelled in a hiss.
"You paralyzed me!" Tayuya hissed back.
"Ah, to be young again," Kakashi said wistfully.
"They can be young off my back!" Naruto snapped, "New rules! No fucking, making out, or anything else ecchi on my back! I'm not a taxi and I am NOT a place for a quickie!"
"...Not even if it's two girls?" Kakashi proposed with an eye-smile.
"...Maybe," Naruto conceded after a long moment.
"Really?" Temari asked blankly.
"My back, my rules! You got a problem with it, I can give you the express route home," Naruto said, making them all flinch as one of his tails snapped in the air.
"...You know, a shadow clone might dispel on the way, I think I'll go in person," Kakashi said cheerfully as he walked to the side of Naruto's head.
"W-wait, you're leaving us here alone?!" Temari asked with a bit of panic.
"Hmm? Of course not. I'm leaving you with my fluffy student. He'll take good care of you," Kakashi promised as he jumped off the side and vanished in a swirl of leaves.
Temari watched over the edge, to where he had vanished, slowly looking up to the goliath, slit blue eye, watching her without amusement, "Got a problem with that, Sandy?"
"No, no! Everything is peachy!" Temari assured quickly, scurrying back to her seat.
"...What the ever living shit is fucking wrong with you?" Tayuya asked blankly.
"I'm sorry, but I'm still a bit intimidated by the gargantuan forest animal filled with razor sharp teeth," Temari said with a sickly sweet smile.
"We don't have many summons in Suna," Gaara filled in offhandedly.
"The fact that I beat your brother as a human probably doesn't help much," Naruto said with a smirk, "No offense, Gaara."
"None taken," Gaara answered uncaringly.
"...Wait, what?" Lee and Tayuya asked at the same time.
"Hmm? Oh, you never heard, Lee? Gaara was going full Raccoon mode during the invasion, so I ended up fighting him before he killed anyone," Naruto supplied with a shrug.
"Please don't shrug," Lee requested weakly.
"...So you fucked up a Bijuu, before you were a Bijuu?" Tayuya asked slowly, smirking a bit, "Goddamn, Foxy."
"I wouldn't put it like that...," Naruto said awkwardly.
"Shukaku wouldn't either," Gaara informed, hearing his demon grumble about the insults. At least it wasn't wailing anymore. Though, the sniffles were still a bit disturbing.
They all fell into an uncomfortable silence before Naruto let loose a mighty sigh, "So...okay, screw it, the silence is boring. Red, why did you join up with the Snake?" Naruto asked with a scowl.
Tayuya paused, considering her options before giving the situation a fuck it shrug, "Didn't really have anything else. I was an orphaned brat in some back alley town, living on the streets," She answered uncaringly.
"Know the feeling," Naruto said with an eye roll.
"...Would you have taken the offer?" Tayuya asked curiously.
"Probably not, but just because I'd like to think the guy would have come off as too creepy for me to consider," Naruto said idly.
"True, but...well, no offense, but I didn't want to end up as some gross fucker's ass-toy. At least with Orochimaru I got to be a bit badass," Tayuya said with a smirk.
"Better than Teme's reason," Naruto said with a snort.
"He's still out cold, by the way," Tayuya informed.
"Good to hear. I...really can't put up with his bull right now," Naruto said with a sigh, "Impatient little fucker."
"Naruto, you do remember you were the smallest of us, right?" Shikamaru reminded with an arched eyebrow.
"And now you're all bite sized," Naruto said in annoyance.
"Could you all stop pissing off the fucking Bijuu here?" Tayuya requested with a groan.
"Everything we say pisses him off!" Temari countered.
"Sue me, Pigtails! I'm fucking tired after the day I've had!" Naruto snapped with a growl.
"...Temari," Gaara addressed neutrally, "Please shut up. Now."
Meanwhile
Tsunade would admit it: She had no idea what the hell she was getting into.
She hadn't been here when the Kyuubi got free all those years ago, she had not seen the destruction it wrought, nor had she felt the pure overwhelming power of its chakra.
The air grew heavy when it was still a distant blur, announcing its presence for all to take notice of it before they even felt the ground trembling.
"Everyone, get into position!" She declared loudly from outside the walls before bringing her hand down as a great cloud of smoke appeared around her.
"Tsunade-sama, you called?" Katsuya asked respectfully.
Against a Bijuu, a summon had two initial uses: Either a surprise attack or as a diversion for the demon to focus on. She chose the latter.
"Katsuya, I'm actually sorry to bring you into this," Tsunade said with a sigh, "The Kyuubi is free again."
"...I see," Katsuya acknowledged with just a hint of hesitation, "I will aide you in any battle, Tsunade-sama, but I fear I won't be of great aid against such a foe."
Tsunade smirked a bit, "Don't sell yourself short, Katsu. Besides, your first role here is keeping its attention while we spring some traps to stall it," She informed.
"Slow it?" Katsuya questioned.
"Yeah, Jiraiya definitely felt it too, so we're holding up until he gets his ass back here," Tsunade explained with a scowl as she looked over her shoulder. There were at least a hundred ninja dotting the walls of Konoha, now seemingly empty with every non-combatant in the safe-houses, "I don't particularly like the plan, but..."
"It is the best option," Katsuya agreed as she watched the enlarging shape approaching them, "...Tsunade-sama? Does there seem something strange about the Kyuubi to you?" She asked, sounding like she would frown if her face allowed it. She had never seen the Kyuubi in person, but something was off about it...
"That would be the nice shade of gold you're noticing, instead of the usual crimson," Kakashi said merrily from Tsunade's left, making her nearly jump in surprise. Not normally something that he could do, sneaking up on a kage, but with her attention on the giant fox approaching, he couldn't resist.
And thank every survival instinct he had to duck under that annoyed punch, "Kakashi! I thought you had gotten eaten," Tsunade commented in surprise, "What took you so long?"
"It's a long story, Hokage-sama," Kakashi said with an eye smile, "However, I do know a way to help the situation," He assured confidentially.
"Oh? Do tell," Tsunade requested, knowing Kakashi had been there that night, even if they hadn't let him participate. Surely he would have some sound advice?
"Stand down," Kakashi said in a blunt, calm, casual voice.
"Excuse me, what?" Tsunade asked with a scowl, "Did you just tell me to stand down while a Kyuubi is marching on our village?!"
"Yes, yes I did," Kakashi answered, unphased and eye smiling.
"And why, pray tell, would I do that instead of having you committed for obvious insanity?" Tsunade asked with glare.
"Because, as you said, it's "A" Kyuubi, not "The" Kyuubi," Kakashi answered vaguely.
"...What are you babbling?" Tsunade asked, scrunching her brow at the statement.
In response, Kakashi held up a pair of binoculars for her. She raised an eyebrow, but took them nonetheless, looking through them.
The Kyuubi was indeed different, as there was no way they got the hair and eye color so far off. Instead of a fox with red fur and eyes running at the village, she had one calmly walking towards them with...golden fur...and blue eyes.
"...You can't be serious," Tsunade whispered as the binoculars slipped from her hand in shock.
"Mission success, Hokage-sama," Kakashi said with a salute, smirking a bit at her, "I suggest letting my student report in so he can drop off our escapee and his passengers," Kakashi recommended.
Tsunade looked to Kakashi for a moment, then back at the still approaching fox, its features now plain without aided sight. The fox looked more than a bit annoyed, but mostly...tired, "...STAND DOWN! EVERYONE STAND DOWN!" Tsunade yelled at the top of her lungs, echoing throughout the area.
Several Shinobi, confused and fearful, quickly jumped out of the path of the approaching Bijuu. The fox didn't even look at them, continuing towards the village with eyes locked dead on Tsunade.
"Tsunade-sama...?" Katsuya asked nervously as the beast of living chakra got closer and closer, the ground shaking more and more with every step.
"Just trust me, Katsuya. If I'm wrong, you can kill Kakashi," Tsunade promised as she could hear various Shinobi talking in voices of fear and terror. The Copycat Ninja just eye-smiled at the threat, the ground shaking beneath them. Or, rather, the giant slug underneath them was, but same difference.
Katsuya trusted Tsunade, and respected her greatly. But as the great vulpine head eventually came to loom so close to her own form, she couldn't help shivering in fear.
There was a lengthy silence as the Bijuu stared down the kage, every last soul watching in anticipation.
"...You lose weight, Baa-chan?" Naruto asked with a small smirk.
"...NARUTO!?" Tsunade screamed in utter disbelief. Sure, she suspected it, but hearing it was another thing.
Coincidentally, several other ninja yelled the same name around the same second Tsunade did. This led to everyone who didn't already start putting two-and-two together, to gap in disbelief.
"Yes, yes, now quit your yelling, all of you!" Naruto yelled back as he rubbed his ears, silencing all of them with his booming voice and making several ninja fall backwards in fright, "Yes, to answer your question, I'm a megaton fox now, deal with it!" Naruto snapped as he rubbed his head, looking over the village to see all the faces either confused or terrified…or both.
"T-that's Naruto?" Sakura whispered numbly.
"T-t-t-t-t-t-the baka is a Kaiju...," Ino whispered dumbly.
"Wait, so...the gaki became the Fox?" Anko commented, blinking owlishly, "How does that even work..."
"This could be...problematic," Hiashi summarized evenly, trying not shiver when he swore the creature looked at him.
"He's a bit tired and grouchy," Kakashi whispered to Tsunade.
"I can see that," Tsunade whispered back.
"I can still hear you," Naruto said with a glare, making many of the onlookers clam up in worry that he could hear them.
First downside of being a megaton fox: Everything is louder.
Tsunade swallowed briefly as she tried to stare down the Kyuubi no Naruto, "Naruto, what did you do?" She asked, trying to sound stern with moderate success.
Naruto raised an eyebrow at that, "I fucking won. Now will all of you assholes get off my back! I was actually starting to relax until Lee puked on me!" Naruto called over his shoulder as he heard several people make noises of disgust at that.
Second downside of being a megaton fox: Everyone can hear everything you say.
"Sorry, Naruto...I am unused to this form of movement," Lee apologized weakly, too low for any save Naruto to hear.
"Yeah, yeah, Bushybrow. Gaara, could you?" Naruto requested.
A few seconds later, a large "cloud" of sand hovered off of Naruto's back, transporting two Suna ninja, two Konoha ninja, one crippled Oto ninja and one bound traitor…the last of which was now awake and struggling in his bounds.
"Yeah, Duckbutt Head woke up," Tayuya commented as they were lowered onto the still-nervous slug boss, the Uchiha muffling something as he tried to look at Naruto with an alarmed and pale expression, "Least he's gagged."
"You said it," Naruto said with an eye roll. Right now, he really didn't want to deal with...anything, really.
"Umm...Mission complete, Lady Hokage," Shikamaru greeted awkwardly.
Tsunade stared at the group for a long time, "ANBU, get the Uchiha to a cell and the rest of them to the hospital," She ordered loudly, several masked figures appearing to take them away, a bit slower than normal as they stayed cautious around the Bijuu. Tsunade turned to the Suna Shinobi awkwardly, "You two are free to find your brother- he's somewhere in the village," She informed. The siblings nodded, Temari vanishing in a shunshin while Gaara glanced back at Naruto for a moment before disappearing in a swirl of sand.
The remaining group fell into an awkward silence, "So...what's with the red head with the broken legs?" Tsunade asked with a raised eyebrow.
"Screw you, tit-whoring bitch," Tayuya swore in annoyance.
"What did you just say?" Tsunade asked, one part pissed, one part shocked
"She's one of Orochimaru's guards, sent out to bring Sasuke to him. Naruto...suggested we bring her back for information," Kakashi explained awkwardly.
"And as I went to the trouble of carefully digging her out from under a pile of trees, I'd appreciate you not crushing her skull, Granny," Naruto commented pointedly.
"Listen to the fox, Skank," Tayuya said with a smirk.
"That said, feel free to get a Hyuuga to make her mute if she doesn't stop with that," Naruto said blankly.
"Asshole, I thought you liked me?" Tayuya asked with a pout.
"I do, but I like Granny more," Naruto answered with a smirk.
Tsunade sighed, "Naruto, we are going to need...a LONG talk about all of this," She informed, wiping a hand over her face.
"Okay, let me stop you right there Tsunade," Naruto said flatly, getting the blonde's attention with the use of her name, "I basically just died and got turned into a mass of chakra. I am confused, I am pissed, I am grouchy, I am miserable for some many reasons, but most of all? I am fucking tired as shit. So anything you need to hear from ME can wait until tomorrow. As it is, I am going to go curl up behind the Hokage Mountain and I am going to hopefully have my first nap as a megaton fox," He ranted, staring down at here evenly, daring her to say otherwise.
Tsunade gulped subtly before nodding, "Very well...dismissed?" Tsunade answered unsurely, not entirely certain what to say in this situation.
"Smooth," Kakashi jabbed flatly, getting a glare for his effort, "Have a nice nap, My Fluffy Student!" He called out with an eye-smile and a wave
Naruto rolled his eyes before glancing down, "...Katsuya, right?" He asked lazily.
"Y-yes, Kyu- Naruto-sama!" Katsuya greeted shakily.
"Huh. I think this is the first time we've actually met," Naruto noted idly before shrugging, "Well, as pointless as it was, thank you for helping protect the village," He commented before he started to walk around the village.
Katsuya gulped, "...Tsunade-sama, if there is nothing else, I...need to return home now," Katsuya requested, not wanting to piss all over the village's figurative front lawn.
"You can go," Tsunade answered in understanding, turning to Kakashi, "WHAT, in the name of my ancestors, made you think bringing him right up to the front gate was a good idea?!" She asked with a glare.
Kakashi shrugged, "We had a high asset target, various comrades exhausted, and a crippled prisoner...and Naruto wanted to go home and sleep, so I wasn't about to argue with the, quote, megaton fox, unquote," He answered casually.
"And you thought that justified a village wide panic!?" Tsunade demanded.
"To be honest, Lady Hokage? Kind of, yes," Kakashi answered bluntly as he stared at her, completely seriousl, "The village was always going to react badly to this no matter what, at least initially. Naruto has a tough time ahead of him right now, so I thought it best to let him know this can still be his home rather than making him stay at a figurative arm's length, miles away. Unless you want to explain to the daimyo why there is a giant golden fox wondering and sleeping around all of Fire Country and avoiding here?" Kakashi explained unapologetically.
"...You've thought this out," Tsunade commented in slight surprise.
"No, Tsunade, I didn't. I just saw my student needed some reassurance and some rest," He retorted with an eye-smile.
Tsunade groaned as she rubbed her forehead, "I should really demote you or something for this. For now, just fill me in on what you know," She requested.
"That, I can gladly do. Though, if you want the full story, I'd suggest Sasuke. Unless you don't mind the whole village finding out," Kakashi answered with a shrug.
While Tsunade tried to ease a growing headache, Naruto walked around the walls of Konoha, feeling the eyes of every Shinobi on him as he moved on top of the mountain and eased himself onto it. He had to admit, it was kind of comfy.
With a mighty sigh, he closed his eyes and tried to tune out everything: Tsunade, Kakashi, the Shinobi, the civilians in hiding, the ANBU, everything.
It wasn't easy, but the sounds eventually faded and blurred away.
Now he just prayed that he didn't roll over in his sleep...or pee in his sleep.
End of Chapter
Well, there it is. Sorry it took so long. Mix of life issue, writtersblock, andthinking I had lessdone than I did. Nothing much else to say. Hope you all enjoyed this chapter even if not much happened.
Review Response:
BukkakeNoJutsu- Maaaaaaybe. XP
- Trying!
Jadehauch- Thanks(delete?)
MyNameIsLaura- Thanks, hope you enjoy the rest to come.
Guest- Randomly poppingout chapters? Yes. Forgetting about fics? Never!
AmbertheCat- Hehe, we'll see, we'll see. Everyone is mainly in shock right now.
Zaralann- Half Kurama, AKA the size ofthe other Bijuu?
Disappointed- Don't worry, there is a reason Naruto is only half is for plot purposes- and it makes sense, really. Still, that will be addressed later.
Teshirath- He might. XP
Azrael Akuma- I don't think Danzo could have planned for this.
Wesdog101- I'll try to stay awesome, as will my fics. XP Ps- yes, yes he will.
Aidois- I try, but don't always succeed.
Aridyne- Yes, poor ShuShu.
The Sith'ari- Naruto having a human form is somewhere between long ways away and never.
- They might, yes.
UnsanMusho- Sorry, you'llneed towaitfor the shock to pass and letit settle in.
KaixDecayx- Hmm, not a bad theory.
actionliker- You'd think there'd be more like this. As for the slow update- lot of fics and lot of ideas and than life in general.
Guest-True, Kishimoto has some plotholes. And don't worry, there'll be more on the Half-size thing later.
Mangahero18- Have a lot of fics. As for the cult thing...yeah, that might happen.
mellra- I'm sure you'll have funnext chapter. XP
Asurau- We'll get to that later. XP