AN ITS BACK! And back for good. From now on my friends, I will be updating this fic monthly, end of every month!

It had been a week since Naruto's little "episode" and by sheer force of proximity, the village was largely settling back into normalcy.

"Okay, the next one who tries to climb my tails on a dare is going for a ride!"

Or what could pass for it.

"Again? That's the fourth time," Tenten said with a frown as they glanced up from the training grounds. The sight of an angry Nine-Tails would have inspired fear before, but now it was a regular occurrence with only the heavy chakra unnerving people near the mountain.

"Though their courage is admirable, it is most unyouthful to make such wagers at Naruto's expense," Lee agreed with a firm nod while in a handstand.

"Don't you and Gai-Sensei run across him during your morning runs?" Tenten pointed out with a hand on her hip.

"Yes, but Naruto gave us permission! So long as he is not asleep. And that we don't run on his head," Lee explained, jumping up into a proper standing position.

"I thought you were finishing those later," Tenten mused, glancing behind at the fall of footsteps approaching them. "Speaking of late."

Neji Hyuuga did not yawn in public. He had an image to uphold for the clan. But his teammates knew very well when Neji hadn't slept well. He squinted a bit, he rolled his shoulders as if to pop a joint, and he was less talkative than normal.

"Hnn," Neji grunted in affirmation.

"Perhaps you require better sleepwear my rival!" Lee suggested.

"No, I do not," Neji denied before Lee could even suggest something green and horrid.

"Are you sure you should be up training already?" Tenten asked in concern.

Neji placed a hand on his shoulder, where the wound used to be. "I've recovered well so far. I'm not allowed on missions yet, but I'm clear for training in the meantime."

"Then what troubles you, our friend?" Lee asked, concerned but over-enthusiastic as ever.

Neji glanced over his shoulder at the Hokage Mountain. "I believe someone in the compound is...speaking ill of our resident Bijuu."

"What makes you say that?" Tenten asked in surprise. "We haven't noticed him say anything."

"Every now and again, the compound is overcome with a pressure in the air and something...almost like killer intent, but not as potent," Neji informed vaguely. "Each time, Naruto is glaring at the compound when this happens."

"Oh. Well, I suppose that would be...a bit troubling," Tenten said while glancing at the colossal vulpine, who was sitting up and peering out at something, or perhaps nothing at all. "Has anyone tried bringing it up with anyone...Or talking to him about it?"

"On the contrary, we've been told not to by the elders," Neji said with a frown.

"...Why?" Tenten asked incredulously.

"Annoying old goats."

All three froze, looking towards the muttering fox. While he chose not to look in their direction, they got the sense that was meant for them.

"Okay, that answers that question. Probably," Tenten said slowly.

"The Hokage should be back from her meeting with the daimyo today. Hopefully, whatever they agree on will...alleviate the issue," Neji said with a crown.

"Alleviate my ass," Naruto said with a grumble.

"They have ointment for that," Kakashi quipped, reclining on a tree branch nearby, reading his book. "But we don't have enough in the village…or country."

"Haha, very funny," Naruto said sarcastically as he glanced around.

"Who and what is he looking for?" Tenzo asked curiously, standing on a branch neighboring Kakashi.

"He can hear you," Kakashi reminded.

"I can," Naruto agreed pointedly, ears flickering.

"Okay, who or what are you looking for?" Tenzo called up.

"Tsunade. The Old Hag is taking her time," Naruto murmured in annoyance.

"Wait a minute, back up," Kakashi said, looking up from his novel. "You can sense the Hokage? From here?"

"Unless I got mixed up along the way. But the Old Hag kind of stands out," Naruto mused, eyes on the horizon. "I'm betting she got drunk."

"That's not a bet, that's a fact," Kakashi corrected. "You can sense chakra that well though?"

"Not, really? It's mostly just the big ones," Naruto answered idly, scratching at his side. He didn't want to call people bugs, but that's what them crawling on him felt like sometimes.

"Well, at least you have something to practice?" Tenzo offered helpfully.

"Why are you here again?" Naruto asked, looking down at the ANBU. "And I mean right here, next to me? Most of the ANBU took my advice. Hell, two of them are playing checkers."

Somewhere, two ANBU agents quickly burned their game before any of their superiors came to check on Naruto's claim.

"I'm still ordered to remain nearby," Tenzo explained simply. "Just in case."

"I think what his fluffiness means is you'd still be close by anywhere around the Hokage monument," Kakashi informed.

"...I have nothing better to do?" Tenzo offered with a head tilt.

Naruto gave him a rather pointed look. It was less annoyance and more envy.

"Bad phrasing," Kakashi informed casually.

Tenzo paused. Perhaps it was unwise to word it like that when there was nothing better Naruto could do than sit here and try to find ways to amuse himself. It was like saying he had nothing better to do than lay in a grave to a ghost longing for life.

"...I like hanging out with Kakashi?" Tenzo tried with a shrug.

Naruto accepted that with a grunt. His ears twitched as he brought himself down in a laying position.

"I take it someone has a visitor," Kakashi said with an eye smile.

"Visitors. Now shut up if you're not going to give us any privacy," Naruto requested pointedly.

"Privacy? The whole village can hear you," Tenzo reminded in confusion.

"Yes, but I can pretend they can't," Naruto retorted firmly.

Kakashi and the ANBU shared a look before moving a few trees away to give Naruto some space.

Naruto drummed his clawed fingers as he waited for their arrival, feeling the pull on the side of his snout.

"Okay! That's...different from tree walking!" Ino declared with a quick breath, nearly falling as she reached the more "level" part of Naruto's nose.

"You're telling me," Kiba said as he joined her. "This isn't even easy to grab with my hands."

"You do remember he's technically made of chakra, right?" Sakura reminded, climbing up with ease as she looked into the giant blue eye. "Hey, Naruto. I'd ask if you had a good day, but, well, I heard."

"Good to see you too, Sakura," Naruto greeted. "Kiba, Ino."

Ino awkwardly turned to meet his gaze. "He-hey, Naruto."

"Find any summoning scrolls yet?" Naruto asked cheekily.

Ino blushed and cringed. "You're never letting that go, are you?"

"Not a chance in hell," Naruto answered with a deep chuckle, his tails swishing in mirth.

"Good breeze we got here," Tenzo remarked in jest to Kakashi, who ignored him while trying to keep his pages from flipping in the wind.

"You still haven't told me what he means by that," Sakura said with her arms crossed, giving Ino an accusing look.

"Neither has he!" Ino yelled in embarrassment, pointing at Naruto.

"So you want the entire village to know about your idea to give Naruto some stress relief?" Kiba jabbed with a grin.

Ino practically swallowed her tongue, a bit of her soul dying at the sheer idea of how humiliating that would be.

"Whhhhhat does that mean?" Sakura said with a narrow gaze, Naruto's muzzle rumbling under their feet with every chuckle.

"Nothing, you nose-rubber!" Ino called back with a furious blush.

"What did you just call me!?" Sakura yelled back, the two glaring at each other.

"Well, this was certainly worth the climb," Kiba remarked as he eyed the potential catfight.

"Good to see you too, Kiba," Naruto snarked, interrupting the spat between friends. "You better not have tracked dog-shit up here."

"Oh, piss off. Sakura already got on my case for that," Kiba complained.

"Kiba. Your family has a kennel and we're standing on his nose," Sakura reminded with a sigh. "His. Nose. You want to get flicked off out of spite?"

"I do it too," Naruto agreed casually. "I've avoided having to smell that at point-blank range so far. I'll be pissed when I can't say that anymore."

Kiba became fairly unnerved and resisted the urge to check his sandals for any turds. "Right."

"So, how's Choji doing?" Naruto asked curiously.

"What, you don't just listen in and find out?" Ino asked in surprise.

Naruto gave a giant shrug. "I try not to hear anything from Choji or his family. Food always gets brought up and reminds me I haven't eaten anything in a week," Naruto said with a longing sigh, which stopped suddenly as he gazed past the trio. "No, Choji, it's not your fault. Just...something I have to get used to."

Sakura's smile waned and gained a worried tint that she tried to hide. Naruto was growing accustomed to being the Kyuubi, but it was still obvious he long for...a lot of things about being human. Tasting food was a big one, as was training.

"So, umm, Naruto," Ino stated awkwardly. "Anything interesting to talk about? You know, that the village hasn't already heard."

"I mean, I know what panties you're wearing just by how much you debated it," Naruto answered bluntly.

"W-w-what the hell! Pervert!" Ino declared in a loud and accusing voice as Sakura facepalmed and Kiba clutched his stomach from laughter. "Why were you even listening in on that?! Were you spying on me!?"

"You and everyone in the village know damn well I try to look at the hot springs as little as possible. So I sure as hell don't peep on people in their own homes. Granted, most of the time, all the windows facing me stay closed and covered when people are naked," Naruto stated before glancing out of the village. "I honestly appreciate that, everyone!"

Several people said "you're welcome!" in varying tones, but Naruto turned his eyes back to Ino.

Ino huffed and crossed her arms, still embarrassed. "Then why were you listening to me while I was changing!?" Ino demanded.

"You mention the tiger one. I thought you meant a literal tiger," Naruto answered with a smirk.

"I don't know what's more exasperating. Naruto telling the whole village that you're wearing tiger panties, or you wearing them to begin with," Sakura said, giving her friend a look.

"Oh, shit, I just realized everyone knows," Kiba said with a snicker. "Hope you weren't hoping to surprise someone with those!"

"Shut up! Both of you! I'm burning them!" Ino declared with a growl before turning to Naruto. "And you! If you weren't a mountain of fur, I'd clobber you!"

"You're just jealous I have better hair than you now," Naruto retorted with a snort.

"Wow! How do people stay on top of giant summons!?" Kiba called out as he nearly lost his footing.

"It works better from up here."

The trio looked up instantly at the new arrival perched on Naruto's head.

"Lady Hokage!" they all barked in greeting, standing at attention.

"Old Hag," Naruto acknowledged wryly. "You smell soberer than I expected."

Tsuande's eyebrow twitched as she raised her foot and slammed it down on Naruto's head.

Naruto winced, ears raised in discomfort. "Geeze, I actually felt that."

"Good to see you too, Naruto," Tsunade said with a tired headshake. "I trust everything's been peaceful?"

"As peaceful as it ever is," Naruto mused humming curiously. "Why'd you come up here? You were coming from the North, not the east."

"I heard you say something about tiger panties. I assumed Jiraiya was involved," Tsunade answered flatly.

"No, the pervy sage went peeping at some river," Naruto answered knowingly.

"A river?" Tsunade asked in curiosity.

"Ohh, right, you were already gone for that," Sakura realized. "He stopped trying at hot springs after Naruto kept telling whenever he was doing his...research."

"Did you now?" Tsunade asked in amused approval.

"Damn giggling really started to give me a headache with these ears," Naruto grumbled to himself.

"On behalf of all women in the village, I humbly thank you," Tsunade said, perhaps overplaying it a bit.

"Way I heard it, some of them offered to give him a free show as a reward," Kiba commented, glancing to the side with envy. "Lucky bastard."

"They didn't, thank gods," Naruto said with a sigh.

"Don't torture someone with what they can't have," Kakashi remarked sagely as he joined Tsunade on Naruto's forehead.

"Great way to make me feel better, Sensei," Naruto stated dryly.

"You're welcome, my fluffy student," Kakashi said with an eye smile before turning serious as he looked at Tsunade. "Welcome home, Lady Tsunade. How'd the meeting going?"

"Yeah, what'd the daimyo have to say?" Naruto asked curiously. "Also, when did my head become a meeting place?"

"There's plenty of spare room," Sakura teased.

"You're lucky I still think you're cute, Sakura," Naruto said bluntly.

Sakura froze at that, flushing just a bit at the blunt compliment, but not sure how to retort.

"If you're all done being awkward teens," Tsunade interrupted before looking down at Naruto's golden fur. "Normally, we'd have a formal announcement, but I'm sure you'll just broadcast it just fine when you hear the news."

"Well, I will now," Naruto said with a grin.

"The daimyo was surprisingly...calm and relaxed about the whole thing," Tsunade admitted with a frown. "And after much deliberation, he has agreed to designate a beach in the south as a... let's just call it a "Naruto space" for now."

"I'm moving to a beach?" Naruto asked curiously, getting the attention of literally everyone.

"Not exactly. You'll be allowed to travel back and forth between the village and there whenever you want," Tsunade corrected. "He felt the need to make that clear."

"Ahh. I'm staying at a beach when I'm not in the village, people!" Naruto informed to Konoha at large.

Tsunade sighed as she continued. "The daimyo just asks that you make only one path bath and forth. There are no known villages in the area, fishing or otherwise. So you being there won't have too much effect on anyone."

"I think I can do that. How big is it?" Naruto asked curiously.

"Should be big enough. After all, you need plenty of space for training," Tsunade mused with a smirk. "But don't say that part out loud."

Naruto grunted in understanding. "Just as long as Tenny isn't up my ass all day, every day. No, not you Tenten! Different Ten."

"I think we can allow that," Tsunade accepted. "We'll still have some ninja to keep an official eye on things."

"Figures. Sakura, get promoted so you can get a shift at my beach," Naruto stated.

"I'll get right on that," Sakura said with a chuckle. "But at least you'll be able to stretch your legs and stop being so grumpy."

"Sakura, there's an imprint where I'm fucking laying on the mountain," Naruto stated flatly.

"Not saying much given you're a megaton fox," Kiba reminded with mirth. "Your words, not mine."

"Remind me, who did I defeat with a fart?" Naruto asked flatly.

Kiba glared silently at the reminder.

"Well, that's wonderful to hear, really," Ino said suddenly. "But um, should we...leave? So Naruto can get ready or...something?"

"Something?" Sakura asked in confusion.

"I was going to say "get ready and pack" then realized what I was saying," Ino answered sheepishly.

"Oh, yes, let me get my giant backpack and fill it with giant cups of ramen, a giant sleeping bag, and a giant set of fox-shaped pajamas," Naruto said sarcastically. "Seriously, the only thing I'm taking with me are the trees stuck in my tails."

"What, not the one stuck up your ass, Nine-Gailed Grump?" Ino shot back with a huff.

"Better keep looking reeeeeal hard for that scroll I guess," Naruto said in mock idleness, causing Sakura to give more suspicious looks to Ino, who avoided eye contact as much as possible.

"What is he even talking about?" Tsunade asked curiously. "What scroll?"

"No idea," Kakashi admitted. "It's some inside joke between them. One Ino doesn't want to be repeated, for reasons I can only begin to imagine."

"Just teenage bullshit, like you said, Hag," Naruto said before turning his gaze at his friends in full. "But really, thanks for stopping by guys. And-"

He stopped, gaining a very annoyed expression. "You okay, Naruto?" Sakura asked with a head tilt.

"Really? Really? We're doing this?" Naruto asked with a sigh, his sight distinctly focused beyond them before diverting back to them. "Ino, your Mom needs you back at the floor shop. Kiba, your mom wants your ass back home to help with Akamaru's injuries. And that's all I'm passing along! I'm not a messenger service, dammit!"

"Good, you'd be horrible at keeping anything confidential," Tsunade remarked, getting an annoyed growl.

With that, Ino and Kiba ran off with waves of goodbye to their fox of a friend. "I guess I should be going too so you can get ready," Sakura said with an apologetic smile.

"It's fine. Besides, now I have an excuse to take you to the beach," Naruto joked with a chuckle.

Sakura slide down the side of Naruto's snout, one chakra-infused hand on the fur to keep her descent steady. As she came to the bottom, she stopped her departure.

Naruto's whole body tensed a bit as Sakura bury herself into his golden fur, hands and fingers reaching to the "skin" below, giving him the closest thing to a hug Sakura could manage at her size.

With that, she departed and left Naruto with a soft smile.

Tsunade and Kakashi wisely and patiently ignored the exchange while waiting for it to end.

Meanwhile

"Lord Jiraiya, over here."

The white-haired sage frowned grimly as joined the ANBU on a tree. To the untrained eye, they both appeared to just be looking at a branch they were both standing on. But to ninjas like them, they easily spotted the signs that someone had been on this branch, for a long time too. "Fox, has the area been scoured?"

The Fox-masked ANBU nodded. "Yes. Whoever was here is long gone."

"Troubling, but not surprising. We've had people from every country lurking about," Jiraiya mused, leaning down to cup his chin. "Not many get this close though. One thing or another spooked them."

Both of them glanced to the side. Just a few dozen feet from their location was a section of the forest, destroyed and leveled by one of Naruto's tails.

Neither said it, but they were sure both were thinking it: this was further out than Naruto's tails usually got. It was unlikely that Naruto had scared away a spy purely by accident. But Jiraiya wasn't sure if Naruto was being smart and not blurting this out to the village, or if he just got annoyed with someone watching him.

"Hmm?" Jiraiya reached under the branch and rubbed his fingers against something he barely spied. He pulled his hand up and found a black liquid on his digits.

"Ink?" Fox realized in surprise.

'Interesting," Jiraiya said to himself. They used ink in a lot of things, namely seals. But finding wet ink, that only had a few potential explanations. It was unlikely the spy was making common supplies on the spot like storage seals and paper bombs. It could be they were attempting to make a more important seal, or they were making a message. Doing either in enemy territory was dangerous. But why else would ink be here?

He glanced out as he heard and felt Naruto rising in the west, waiting to see if they had to dodge a stray tail. He relaxed when none came.

"Should we be concerned that Naruto's new location might already be leaked?" Fox asked, glancing in the golden Kyuubi's general direction.

"No, we couldn't even try to keep that a secret. Not unless we kept Naruto there at all times," Jiraiya explained. "Despite some wishing we would, that's not an option either."

For many reasons, it went unsaid.

Both of them stopped at the sudden shaking of the ground.

"Hey, pervy sage? Are you done peeping or what? I got a beach to get to!" Naruto called out.

"...He does know that you're not, right?" Fox asked with a head tilt.

"Oh yeah. Hard as it is to believe, he's just not dumb enough to blurt out what we're actually doing," Jiraiya said cheekily.

"Oh, screw you! You can walk for all I care!" Naruto retorted as his colossal front leg passed over his head.

"Aaaand he's leaving. Crap. Fox, report back to Tsunade, I'm supposed to go with them!" Jiraiya said before leaping off after the Bijuu. "Will you at least slow your ass down so I can climb up?!"

By the pace of the footsteps, Fox concluded Naruto did not oblige.

End of Chapter

Here you guys go! Hope I'm not too rusty at this fic. Still, while I have been sleeping on this fic, I never stopped tihnknig about it. So I have some fun plans in store.

And yeah, Naruto now has a designated spot so he isn't just laying next to the village 24/7. Don't worry, he's not leaving permanently, they couldn't keep him away if they tried.

And again, from now on, monthly updates!

Early viewing of chapters 10-11 avaliable on my pat-reon:

p a treon . com (slash) akumakami64