GATE: Red vs. Blue
Disclaimer: I don't own Red VS Blue or GATE
ATTENTION! THIS IS FIC IS NOW RECOMMENDED ON TVTROPES! THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR SUPPORT AND RAPID ATTENTION!
Regular Speak
Thoughts and Flashbacks
Demonic or Animalistic Speak
Demonic or Animalistic Thoughts
Beta: Dragon_Wizard91
AN I did some research for the Gate army- I didn't hear/see them use any military titles in the manga or anime, so I used roman ones. A Legatus is a general and a Optio is Centurion's second in command, basically a lieutenant.
"Hello again, Captain Muffincrunch!" Caboose greeted cheerfully as he held a soldier in a headlock and was unphased as Donut threw a short sword at him, the blade missing the blue soldier by inches and making its home in another infantryman's throat, "Do you need more Boom Balls?" He asked curiously as his enemy helplessly squirmed in his grip.
"Nah, nah. I just need some help with the motorcycle. You busy?" Donut asked casually as Caboose removed the medieval warrior's helmet.
"Oh, no. I'm just playing stop tag with my new friends!" Caboose answered as he started to "tag" the soldier on the head, "See, it's like freeze tag- I just keep patting their heads until they stop moving! Usually after I hear an egg crack!...Is it their breakfast time?" Caboose asked, glancing to the now dead soldier, letting him fall limply to the ground.
"...Right," Donut acknowledged after a moment, "Anyway, can you help me pull these body parts of the back of the motorcycle? It's really starting to slow down," He requested hopefully.
"Oh, sure, one moment," Caboose agreed, turning back to the edge of the canyon, "HEY GUYS! TIMEOUT, I GOT TO HELP THIS NICE LADY!" He yelled very loudly, hands framing his mouthpiece.
"Wow! You have some big lungs!" Donut complimented.
Caboose groaned at that and shook his head, "...Did I do that right? Everybody seems to do that whenever you talk about big things," Caboose inquired as he walked over to the motorcycle.
On the back of the hovering vehicle was a tangled mess of guts, blood, body parts and armor all hanging onto each other, mashed into the back of the motorcycle.
"...It looks like a flat fish," Caboose commented with a head tilt.
"You mean a manta ray?" Donut asked in confusion.
"Ray? But I don't see any lasers. Wait! Do you mean Raymond?" Caboose asked in a complete serious tone.
"Ummm, no?" Donut answered unsurely.
"Good, no one likes Raymond," Caboose said as he squatted down to look at it.
"Caboose? Do hurry a bit. Your friends are coming back," Donut informed, looking at the group of soldiers creeping back from around blue base.
"Oh, don't worry, they're just getting ready for another game," Caboose assured cheerfully, "Is it working now?"
"You didn't do anything," Donut pointed out.
"How about now?" Caboose repeated.
"You just poked a kidney," Donut informed.
"Kid-Knee? How does a knee have a baby? Is there a hole in the back of the knees? Tucker said babies come out of holes once," Caboose asked curiously.
Donut sighed, "Caboose, I just need you to get that mess off the back," He reminded in exasperation.
"Oh. Well, Church showed me a good way to fix things once," Caboose mused as he stood back up and calmly kicked the armored human pancake.
Donut gaped as the entire mess fell right off the back with a squishy noise, "How did you-?"
"Oh, here's the problem!" Caboose said as he kneeled into the bloody pile and pointed to an arm covered in chainmail that was stuck to the underside of the hovercraft, "Don't worry, I can fix it!" He assured as he grabbed the arm and strained to pull it off...only for it rip in two and spray blood on his helmet as he looked at the stump of a limb. He calmly turned to Donut, "Your car ate it."
"...Yeah, thanks Caboose, just...thanks," Donut said, just a bit grossed out now as he climbed back into his ride, grabbing a throwing axe off the ground as he did.
"You're welcome! Now, where did my friends go...?" Caboose said, turning to see the group was about ten feet from him, frozen with looks of disgust and terror, "Oh, hello! You ready to play some more?"
Even if they understood him, they still would have taken off running.
Meanwhile
"Centurion! Centurion!" A soldier yelled, jumping out of the way of the roaring Boar Lion, the ballista on its back firing at an impossible speed, taking down line after line of his comrades. He scrambled to his feet as he ran into a blood covered officer.
"I'm the Optio, boy! Get off me!" He barked at the infantrymen, "Now, what is it! Word from the Legatus!? And where are the Emroy forsaken archers!" The Optio growled in frustration.
"The Legatus is dead, sir! So are the archers!" The soldier informed, ducking his head as a boom breath of the Scorpion-Dragon roared over his head, shaking the ground beneath him.
"What about the cavalry!?" The officer demanded.
"No sign of them sir! They must still be in the gate!" The soldier answered quickly as the Optio looked over the chaos stricken army. There was no structure, no leadership…just centurions and other commanders flailing about, trying to find or create a weakness in these strange foes.
"Damn them all! What are these Metal demons!? Not even three contubernia worth of them and we can't even slay one of them!" The Optio snarled to himself, looking across the field to the Scorpion-Dragon and seeing the grey-blue metal man, watching over the battlefield, "...That's it," He said with wide eyes.
"Sir, we need to retreat! We need more than just mere soldiers to fight these...these warriors, sir," The soldier advised, not even sure what to call these Titans of War.
"No, you fool! Look, that one there!" The Optio called, pointing to the cobalt soldier, "That one right there! He is the one we mus-!" He started, only to go wide eyed as...something tore through his throat, making him collapse as he held the profusely bleeding wound desperately.
"Optio! Optio!" The foot soldier cried out as the man slowly died at his feet, looking fearfully where the officer had been pointing.
The Metal Man riding the Scorpion-Dragon was looking directly at him, over distance and soldiers while pointing a great black spear at him.
"By Zufmuut, what are we facing?" He whispered in terror as he ran through the crowd, away from that...Spear God.
Meanwhile
"Really didn't like the way that asshole was pointing at me," Church commented to himself as he lowered the sniper, "Shelia, where the hell are they?"
"My sensors indicate that the jeep is now passing in front of Blue Base," Shelia answered.
"What the- How the shitting fuck did they get over there?" Church asked, his voice a mixture of confusion and annoyance.
"Unknown. Also, can you take care of the enemy unit trying to climb up my back?" Shelia requested, nudging her cannon in her best imitation of a nod, drawing Church's attention to the soldier trying to stab the tank in between her cannon and main body.
"Sure, sure, you mind vaporizing that last ogre-thing, big guy hiding in the rocks by the caves? Rather have them all taken care of since, you know, not-so-friendly-giants," Church asked in return as he walked along the armor over her tracks, mindful not to trip on a sword or other weapon.
"Affirmative," Shelia answered as she aimed in that direction, "Firing main cannon."
Church smirked in amusement and pulled out his pistol as he watched the swordsman keep trying to stab Shelia blindly, with no success at all, "Hey, buddy?" Church called, causing the man to stop before looking over at Church slowly, "Say hi to Flowers for me," He said before firing off- first at the wrist, then the shoulder, through one side of the stomach to the other and finally through an eye and the brain as the fool fell, dead before he hit the ground, "Yes, it's not just sniping, I'm a fucking badass!"
"I do not believe shooting a man at point blank is much of a mark of skill, Church," Shelia pointed out.
"Please don't ruin this for me," Church said flatly.
"Warning, brace for impact," Shelia informed.
"Wait, wha-Oh!" Church started, almost falling off as Shelia suddenly lurched forward a bit underneath him.
"...That felt strangely pleasant," Shelia informed curiously.
"My last...Bow...chicka...wow...wow..." Tucker's voice came over intercom, along with some others.
Church sighed a mighty sigh as he turned around to see this mess. There, against Shelia's rear end, was the now-crashed warthog, the enemies scattering away, fearing yet hoping the two "beasts" might start fighting each other, "Okay, Shelia...you're getting washed after this- even forgetting your treads, your rear has...I think that is a pigman smooshed on you," He informed half-heartedly.
"That was less pleasant to know," Shelia commented.
"Now that that's out of the way...Whose The Fuckster Thought Simmons Driving Was A Good Idea Right Now!?" Church yelled down at the trio.
"Grif made me do it! He wanted to use the gun!" Simmons answered quickly and panicky.
"Hey, I was almost dragon chow!" Grif yelled off.
"Yes, I know, you've said that already!" Simmons retorted, "You could have waited until after we got Tucker here!"
"It's not my fault you're a horrible driver!" Grif insulted.
"Oh yeah!? Well-!"
*BOOM!*
The two promptly shut up after Shelia shot into the line of soldiers directly behind them.
"Thank you, Shelia," Church said pleasantly as he jumped down and addressed the reds, "Okay, Simmons? He was almost dragon chow, give the dude a break," He scolded to Simmons.
"Ha!" Grif cheered as he dismounted the gunner position while Simmons grumbled.
"And Grif, you were almost dragon chow- suck it up!" Church ordered to the orange soldier.
"Huh?" Grif asked in surprise.
"Wait, are you...taking my side or Grif's?" Simmons asked in confusion.
"I'm telling you to both zip the shit and help me get Tucker into the goddamn canopy!" Church answered in aggravation.
"...Eh, I'll take that," Grif decided with a shrug as he moved to help Church get Tucker out of the jeep.
"Umm, guys, they're moving back up!" Simmons informed as the medieval forces closed in on them again.
"So? Just shoot them!" Church countered as he and Grif put one of Tucker's arm over each of their shoulders.
"...Can I use your sniper rifle?" Simmons inquired sheepishly, even as he fired a few rounds from his rifle.
"...Really?" Church asked dryly.
"Oh, let him try it- I got to use Sarge's shotgun today and Simmons was trying to be a Blue for a while, kind of," Grif pointed out.
"Grif, ixnay on the pyingsay!" Simmons hissed.
"What pi is he talking about?" Grif asked to Church.
"Dude, I have no idea- fine Red, use the fucking rifle. Just don't mess it up!" He relented with a groan, throwing the large weapon at Simmons.
"Sweet!" Simmons cheered as he jumped on the tank.
"Don't scratch the paint job, tomato can," Shelia warned lightly.
"Jesus! Did this guy put on weight!?" Grif asked with a grunt as they carried him to the tank
"Oh, like you're one to talk!" Church shot out as they climbed up on Shelia, "Shelia, open up the canopy!"
"Canopy hatch opening."
Tucker groaned as they carefully positioned him in the seat, not wanting to press the wrong button and mess Shelia up, "Church...if I die...I want you to have my rock," He said weakly.
"Thanks," Church said with an eye roll.
"My porn...in Caboose's mattress..."
"I...don't even want to know," Grif commented with a raised eyebrow at that.
"Me either," Church agreed.
"The drugs...are under Shelia's chair," Tucker continued.
"Wait, what?" Shelia asked in surprised
"He hid drugs in the tank? Nice," Grif mused with a smirk.
"Maybe that's why Caboose likes being in Shelia," Church commented suspiciously.
"And...delete...my...browser history..." The aqua soldier groaned out as they closed the door.
"Wow, he must be in bad shape if he didn't give that a wow-wow," Grif observed.
"Yeah, well, he'll be fine in there. Now we nee-" Church started, only to stop as a noise rang out over around them.
*CLINK!*
Church and Grif looked up at where there was a bullet dent in the side of Shelia's "head" before slowly looking down at Simmons…who was pointing the sniper rifle towards the enemies.
"Dude, seriously?" Grif asked with a sigh.
"Church, may I shoot him?" Shelia requested, her voice somehow colder.
"It was an accident, I swear! It just ricocheted!" Simmons apologized quickly as Church marched over to him and ripped the weapon out of his hands.
"Never! Again! You are so fucking lucky I switched to the normal rounds before you got here or we might be down a damn tank!" Church glared at the trooper, cowering before him a bit. The leader of the Blues took a deep breath as he calmed himself, "Okay, let's get out of here. Shelia, happy hunti-," Church started, only to pause as they all heard a familiar noise.
Polka music.
"...You didn't turn off the jeep, did you?" Grif asked flatly to Simmons.
"...Oh, fuck me!" Simmons realized in dread.
"Ugggg! Simmons, you are two steps from being top of my list!" Church yelled as he headed back to the jeep.
There were soldiers climbing on it. And one was messing with the Gatling gun...
"OH NO YOU FUCKTARDS DON'T!" Church yelled furiously as he ran towards the vehicle, firing his sniper rifle at two that had been messing with the front seats and had managed to damage the upholstery. He never stopped running, jumping on and off the window's top and clotheslining the soldier at the gunner position.
As Church landed on the ground, he swung the sniper rifle by the barrel, ramming the butt against a man's skull, leaving a bloody smear on the warthog, "You shitbags don't get to get lucky and ruin this for us!"
Grif and Simmons, meanwhile, were on Shelia's treads and mowing down the enemies near the jeep.
"I can't believe you left the jeep on!" Grif yelled in frustration, kicking away someone that snuck up the side of the tank.
"I'm sorry, I'm not used to driving!" Simmons excused, shooting wildly at the sea of soldiers before running for the Gatling gun.
Church grabbed the rifle by the top and then rammed the barrel into a man's stomach, firing into the gut with the bullets exiting and hitting several other soldiers. Using his free hand, he pulled out his pistol and shot three enemies in the opposite direction but at the fourth one, he was out of pistol shots.
"Fuck!" He cursed as pulled the barrel of his sniper rifle out of the corpse and kicked the charging soldier in the balls, clipping the pistol back to his magnetic belt before punching the stunned man hard enough to snap his neck. He looked up to see another wave charging at him...only to be shredded by hundreds of bullets.
"We got the jeep back! Church, you staying or going!?" Grif yelled as he jumped into the driver's seat.
"So long as you drive! I want to get there sometime this week!" Church yelled as he hurried to the passenger seat.
"Hey!" Simmons whined, glaring at the blue before blinking, "Shit, Church, behind you!"
Church turned in time to see...if he had to give it a name, he'd call it a ghoul. It didn't look to be rotting, but its skin was purple-ish, its muscles seemed scrawny, its flesh taut, the eyes sunken in and it was wearing just a few scraps of desert garbs, including a small turban!
It was also trying to slice him down the middle.
Luckily, Church managed to grab its wrists and hold them there before they gave him a huge headache- and MAYBE damage him. Still, he was a bit surprised by how little trouble he was having holding him in place. Sure, it wasn't a giant troll or whatever Caboose wrestled with, but he didn't expect to be holding it effortlessly.
"...Dude, aren't you a robot?" Grif asked, waiting impatiently.
"Oh, right...I'm a fucking robot!" Church remembered with a grin as he stomped on and crushed the creature's foot, forcing its arms apart as it roared in agony, before head-butting the creature. Church almost laughed as his enemy fell backwards, more likely knocked out than dead.
"How the hell do you forget something like that?" Grif asked curiously as Church jumped into the jeep.
"Tell you what, when you come back as a ghost, we'll compare notes," Church joked as they pulled out, "Hey, you got any extra pistol ammo?"
"I don't even have a damn pistol!" Grif said with a groan, "My magnet-thing doesn't work that great these days."
"Let me guess, Sarge?" Church asked with a smirk.
"No, it was during Donut's first few days as the new guy, when he felt too awkward to make the rest of us feel awkward. He tried to clean it when I wasn't looking, and...well, let's just say that was when Donut started to feel comfortable enough to express himself," Grif explained with a grumble.
"...Yeah, you guys keep your idiot, I'll stick with mine. He seems more badass these days anyway," Church commented after a moment.
"You do remember ours killed your girlfriend, right?" Simmons reminded.
"Can I shoot him?" Church asked blankly.
"Naw, I'm saving him in case I need some of his cyborg parts for myself," Grif answered with a smirk.
"HEY!" Simmons yelled in indignation.
"Simmons is a cyborg?" Church asked with a raised eyebrow, glancing between the two for a moment, "Does Sarge have a robot fetish or something?"
They then proceeded to take a minor detour as Grif tried to keep control of the ride while laughing his ass off.
Meanwhile
"Tex, you sure you know what way you're going?" York asked, heaving the large machine gun with some awkwardness due to unfamiliarity. They were trekking through the caves while hearing the echoes of screaming, explosions and fighting from somewhere.
All in all, it gave them a very "walk into the bowels of Hell" feeling.
"Ask Omega, he was with me when we came through here the first time," Tex answered uncaringly from the front.
"Yes, yes, we're on the right track. I distinctly remember that turd Agent York stepped in," O'Malley matter-of-factly.
"What?" York asked looking down at his feet.
"Ha! Made you look!" Omega cheered, cackling to himself.
"Really?" York asked with a head shake.
"Surely you saw THAT one coming, Mate," Wyoming said in an amused tone.
"But in all seriousness, if we're taking the same path we did when we got to this idiot-infested planet-bowl, we should end up near the middle of the canyon," Omega explained.
"And in the middle of a warzone, by the sounds of it," York pointed out.
"Oh please, this'll be a cake walk if our opposition is half as primitive as "The Boss" said it was," Omega countered with a smirk.
"WHY do you enjoy calling him that?" Tex asked in annoyance.
"Because I know it messes with your mind!" Omega answered with a chuckle, "Who knows, Church is an angry fellow. I might just stick with him afterwards for inviting me to this grand event!"
"Omega, I spent years getting you out of MY head, what makes you think I'll let you stick around in his?" Tex asked with a glare over her shoulder.
"Hahaha, true, but you've got to wonder what would happen. A man that makes you, even with me, look calm and rational, suddenly given an AI based on rage?" Omega suggested sinisterly.
"I do not wish to witness that experiment, Omega, no matter how much data I may receive," Delta informed suddenly.
"You have to ruin everything, don't you, Barlight?" Omega asked dryly.
"Hey, chaps? Here's one for you all: Knock Knock," Wyoming commented in a chipper tone.
"Whose there?" Everyone else asked in dull voices.
"Five minutes," Wyoming continued.
"Five minutes, who?" York answered off as Omega and Tex grew silent in curiosity.
"For five minutes now, we've been walking in blood," Wyoming informed dryly.
The two freelancers and AI-possessed-Medic looked down at their feet to find a small but constant stream of blood running by them, soaking the cave dirt with it.
"...I'm not a doctor, but I'm fairly sure no human survives that much blood being drained," Doc commented awkwardly.
"Who the hell?" York asked in surprise, turning towards the shared body, "I thought you were a robot?"
"Oh, no! I'm just the medic Omega jumped into. I just felt a bit awkward for a bit there. I'm Medical Officer Dufrane, but everyone calls me Doc...even though I'm not a doctor," He explained sheepishly.
"Shut up, you buffoon! You are not ruining this for me!" Omega scolded.
"Agent Texas has left us behind," Delta informed.
"Blast! Alison, you don't get to have a head start on the kill counts!" Omega yelled as he ran up the bloody path.
"...We're following a river of blood through a dark cave. Nothing wrong with that," York said dryly.
"I do not believe this constitutes a river, York," Delta started.
Wyoming coughed to get their attention as they walked after the former agent-AI teammates, "Delta, forgive my ignorance, but your equipment has a medical unit. Do you think you can tell us if this blood is all from the same source?" Wyoming inquired.
"Negative. Apologies, but I do not have the type of scanners required for that," Delta informed.
"What's on your mind?" York asked with a scowl.
"That I don't want to meet what the bloody hell had all this in it, pardon the pun," Wyoming mused.
"Think that snipping dragons thing was for real?" York asked curiously.
"Well, we know there are aliens, obviously and many different species of them. So there must be at least a few creatures that resemble a dragon to us," Wyoming mused offhandedly.
"While it hard to judge the probability on the subjective topic of resemblance, Agent Wyoming's reasoning is not flawed," Delta informed.
"Who knows, maybe that's where we got the idea from," York mused.
"Also possible," Delta added on, pausing as he seemed to look up, "Omega and Agent Texas are around the next right corner and have ceased movement several meters down the passage."
"That can't be good," Wyoming said with a grim tone as they headed up to the pass. They shared a look before nodding, prepping their new/modified weapons as York peaked around the corner.
He sighed in relief as he saw the two standing at each other, looking at a wall, "All clear, Reggy," He assured as he walked out towards the two, "What's wrong? You two lost or is this a cave in?" He asked curiously.
"This is the exit into the canyon," Tex answered evenly.
"Guess some rock fell loose during the battle," York mused as he looked it over, seeing the trail of blood, leaking down from the top, "Looks like someone got crushed too."
"...I don't think that's a boulder, Old Boy," Wyoming said slowly.
"Huh?" York asked, looking back at the dark green blockage in confusion, "Wait..."
"Mind filling him in, Barlight?" Omega asked in annoyance.
"Obstruction is made of a single organic mass of an unknown species," Delta informed.
"...Holy hell, they're fighting giants?" York asked in shock.
"Probably none left now," Omega said with a pout.
"So...what now?" Wyoming asked curiously.
Tex sighed at that, "One moment," She said, turning on her radio, "Church? You there?"
"Yoyoyo, Agent Texas! Long time no speak!"
"...Vic?" Texas asked in surprise and confusion.
"Who?" York asked, mostly to himself.
"Been a loooooong ass time since I talked to anyone without a dick, Mamaseta!" Vic answered cheerfully.
"Right, not to sound in a rush, but can you patch me to blue team?" Tex requested with a sigh.
"Blue team?" York asked in surprise, blinking under his masked before turning to Wyoming in shock, "Tex's boyfriend is a sim-trooper?!" He whisper-yelled in disbelief.
"...Data does not compute," Delta commented, getting chuckles from Omega and Wyoming.
"Sorry, no can do, Ma'am! I've been getting all kinds of weird interference on my end. I can hear them, but I can't get a lick of anything to them. They sent in an emergency request for "Aid against an invasion of an unknown, hostile force" since the higher ups wouldn't believe this Tolkien-con shit showing up. It's like Vader vs. Aragon down in here! And let me tell you, even if you give that old Heavy Breathing, Former-Prettyboy the brain of Jar Jar "G-rated" Binks, you better believe he is still going to force-whoop that little elf-loving ass all the way from Mordor to the Shire and love every moment of it!" Vic cheered.
"...What. The. Fuck?" York asked slowly, Omega and Wyoming shaking their heads in amusement.
"So, they're not in danger?" Tex asked skeptically.
"They had a few moments, but other than Private Tucker going down with stomach pains, they're all hunky dory...you know, in a "Gods of Carnage" kind of way," Vic answered.
"Stomach pains? Seriously?" Tex asked, almost a bit disappointed by that.
"I know, weird timing, right? Wonder if that Wyoming guy had anything to do with that?" Vic questioned to himself.
"I don't work with poisons, Victor. Too easy to mix things up," Wyoming phoned in.
"Oh, the Bison-Brit's here too? Did you guys forget to schedule a reunion with me?" Vic asked in surprise before returning to his normal self, "In any case, they're fine, but let me tell you something, Captain Church is burning up a storm! I know he's a buddle of firecrackers all the time and all, but you better belieeeve he started steaming the moment Tucker went down. Had the tank open fire on the whole lot after running them over with her! I'm sorry, but your dragon-shooting boyfriend is started to make that O'Malley guy look like a pussy in terms of anger and I think we both know that one is as calm as a PMSing tigress in heat with a poison-ivy covered thorn in her paws!" Vic rambled on.
"I'm not sure if I should be insulted or not," Omega deadpanned.
"Omega, you're there too my man? Ohhhhh! You guys must have been who Choirboy was calling earlier!" Vic exclaimed in realization, "Could not hear a thing over all that yelling, cheering, and everything else! Hey, where are you guys anyway? I didn't hear anything new about you guys showing up?"
"If you would shut up for five seconds, I could have told you that we're fucking stuck in a cave! Something's blocking the exit into the canyon," Tex informed in irritation.
"Hmm, give me a second...yep, yep, I see the problem. Church had Tankela smear some big troll-thing against the wall, landed right in front of the exit."
"Great, so we're stuck here?" Tex asked with a scowl.
"Don't mean to sound nasty or anything, but it's a few feet of flesh, sitting on its side. Either push it forward with that supergirl strength, or just have MacAnger over there use his boomtubes to make a path!" Vic advised.
"...How the hell did we not think of that?" York asked in surprise.
"WHY DIDN'T I?!" Omega yelled, seething with rage as he held up his rocket launcher, "Okay, everyone out of my way, right now! 5! 4!" He ordered, smirking as they ran when he said five, "1!" He skipped ahead, firing, repeatedly, at the one thing between him and a bloodbath.
Speaking of which.
"Ugggh, that smell!" York groaned as a small flood of guts and blood oozed around the boots of their armor.
"Well, that's not coming out," Wyoming commented dryly.
"I think...I'm going to be a little sick," Doc informed weakly.
"Oh shut up and let me handle things!" Omega ordered as he approached the exit amongst the settling dust.
"No luck?" Tex asked, seeing the end was still dark, brushing something off her arm. If she had to guess, a bit of lung.
"No, no, it worked, just got to duck down a bit," Omega informed, crouching down and seeing an opening, "Hit it a bit low, I suppose. Well, mind your head or you'll be giving my stooge anatomy lessons later," He warned with a cackle.
"That might not be bad actually- I might go down as the man who detailed the anatomy of a new species!" Doc mused hopefully.
"Keep dreaming, Doc, keeping dreaming," Tex said as she followed after them.
"..." York stared at the gory passage they had to take, before turning to Wyoming, "Can this get more fucked up?" York asked blankly.
"I've sniped and surveyed from some very...disgusting places, Mate, so I am a bit more prepared," Wyoming explained with a shrug.
"I'm almost afraid to see what's on the other side," York said with a sigh as they crawled on through, the locksmith grimacing as he did.
"Just pretend it's a leaky sewer, Mate," Wyoming suggested as they reached the other side.
"So, how bad...is...it...?" York asked slowly as he walked over to stand by Tex and Omega, brought to silence by the scene before him.
A canyon, filled to the brim with ancient soldiers and mythical creatures. The walls were red with their blood as the ground turned soft and crimson pools formed around the ankles of the living, dotted with flesh and metal.
Blue base's ramps had grotesque amounts of blood staining them. Around the base were corpses in various flavors of death; shot, crushed, blown to pieces and even a few impaled with their own weapons. York couldn't believe it, but there were the bodies of genuine dragons littering in clusters near blue base, along with two giants- one who had a crushed head. A vehicle, an alien one if York was right, floated and rammed into lines of troops, pushing some more towards the base, where a lone blue soldier would turn to calmly approach them, which they reacted to with terror.
In the middle of the sea of soldiers was a tank, sitting proudly among the insects that could never pierce her mighty hull, firing shots into the army and slaying dozens as a time. Beyond the tank, near the canyon wall, ominously stood a giant gate, as more and more victims poured into their meatgrinder of a death.
"...Goddamn," Tex summarized.
"...O...Okay, I might throw up now," York said slowly.
"Take your time, mate," Wyoming said numbly as he watched Caboose snap a man's neck with what looked uncomfortably like glee.
*sniffle*sniffle*
"...Omega, are you crying?" Tex asked in disbelief.
"Shut up, it's just too beautiful!" Omega said as he took in the absolute carnage.
"S-so, is that your boyfriend over there?" York asked as he held his lunch down.
"Him? No, that's Caboose," Tex answered, staring at the idiot for a few moments, "...I'm not sure if this is sad or terrifying."
"Tex, dear?" Wyoming started up, "I know where you're coming from, but, um, how should I put this? I am never taking a contract on these so called sim-troopers ever again," He said slowly.
"You afraid of them, Wyoming?" Tex asked, almost teasing. Almost.
Wyoming paused as he watched Caboose kick a severed and helmet-covered head like a soccer ball into another man's gut, making the soldier collapse in pain and possibly death.
"...Vaguely," Wyoming admitted flatly.
"I'm with Reggy on this. It's one thing to be able to kill a thousand people in a day, it's another to actually do it...and it's an entire other thing when they seem to be enjoying it," York pointed out.
"The death count is likely over ten-thousand by now, York," Delta answered, "Also, I am beginning to understand why Agent Texas is "friends" with these troopers."
"They're not my friends," Tex said flatly.
"Right, right, you team up with me and Riddler just for the fun of it," Omega teased.
"Omega...," Tex warned.
"Oh, hush up. Now, where's my benefactor? I need to drop off this rifle so I may slaughter and slay in peace!" Omega complained.
"Probably at red base. Come on, stick to the rocks for now while we get the full picture," Tex ordered as they walked over to get a better view of the other side of the canyon. There, like a beast of death, a warthog plowed wildly around and over the hapless warriors, the gunman burning through just as many as the driver crushed beneath the vehicle.
It would have been even more impressive if it hadn't rammed into red base itself.
Meanwhile
"Hahahaha!" Grif laughed, slapping the steering wheel as he got his laugh down to chuckles.
"Laughing his ass off and he still got here in record time! That's it, Simmons, you are either the worst driver ever or Grif is the best!" Church yelled as he jumped out of the jeep.
"Okay, okay, I get it, I shouldn't drive!" Simmons complained, jumping and almost falling when an infantry corpse fell on the hood of the jeep.
"What in Samhill are you all doing? This isn't some bumper car ride!" Sarge yelled in annoyance as the body on the jeep groaned in pain, "Oops, one second," He declared, shooting his shotgun at his now-definitely dead foe.
The entire time, Grif just stared at Sarge. A second later, he started to laugh with renewed vigor, turning the jeep into reverse before running off as his laughs filled the air.
"...There is something not right with that boy," Sarge said slowly.
"Dude, you made a megaton bomb to use on us when we're not even half a mile apart," Church reminded.
"Yes and we would have still won, even if it meant becoming nuclear dust a millisecond after you," Sarge said proudly.
"Except I'm already a ghost," Church countered bluntly.
"Semantics!" Sarge retorted.
"And since that was a team kill, you can neeeever claim the leader kill. So suck it, Red," Church pointed out with a smirk.
"...Darnit! I never thought of that! Dirty blues, always finding a way to rob my sense of enjoyment, even of your deaths!" Sarge cursed.
Church rolled his metaphorical eyes at that one, "Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mind getting down-"
"YEEEOWW!"" Sarge yelled as he fell off the edge, having been rammed off by three soldiers and their shields.
"-here," Church finished with a deadpan stare. After a moment, he reached down and pulled a grenade off Sarge's belt. He looked up at the smug looking soldiers before tossing the explosive up at them. It bounced off a shield, but just enough to land at their feet. Church tilted his head away as the explosion went off while Sarge got to his feet, "So, how long has Simmons been a cyborg?" He asked curiously.
"Uggg, umm, since that time with Swordboy got us to turn the radios off with that horrid Mexican song," Sarge answered with a groan, making sure his helmet was still on straight. He looked around at the enemy soldiers, ready to charge, but they had fearful, maddened looks in their eyes, "So, Blue, how ya want to do this?"
"Good old fashion back-to-back shit until they give up or something interesting happens?" Church suggested.
"What, we can run through them, guns blazing, just like Leonardo would?" Sarge asked with a smirk
"...I think you mean the Spartan king from 300: Leodas or something," Church commented after a moment, "And since Shelia is on open season and Grif is treating the canyon like a GTA-style stunt track, I don't think you want to go running about out there too much."
"Hmm, good point. Back-to-back it is...we never speak of this to Donut," Sarge ordered, completely serious.
"Why the fuck wouldn't that be implied?"
End of Chapter
There we go, fourth chapter done! Damn, these scenes turned out longer than I thought. Still, sorry for the delay. Among other things, some tornados messed up my town for a while. I'm fine and everything, but it was a factor.
Nothing else to say other then, yes, this fic is on TV Tropes! Goddamn, I did NOT expect that to happen when I started this! I thought my Darth Vader ficmight end up there, but this? Thank you all again!
PS I finished this late, so I didn't have the mental power to go back and recount all the votes for pairings from last chapter. Since that's just to keep you all up to date on the budding shipping war, I'm not too worried about it.
Reveiw Replies:
HammerStrikes219KIA- Oh, I think It'll be longer than that.
blood enraged- Omega's words exactly.
HolyMage Mouto- Thank you, I try. And it won't. I got lots planned here
J.E.P 1996-...Funny images in my head now.
InflatedChimp- Eh, turns out the reinforcement only got in at the end. And yes, BitB is pretty much a given here.
neogoki- Hmm, now there's a thought.
Sigma-del-Prisium- Someone has been taking lessons from O'mailey.
Blood Wine- I shall not!
Bazooka Republic- To be fair, that was only the Blues and Tex with the alien. Right with Lopez though. I make no promises against shippings, but this isn't going to turn into a sappy romance thing. Still, glad you liked it.
nphillips0115- Neither can the rest. As for Rory scary Omega...she might just turn him on, regardless if she's into him. XP And you MIGHT be seeing Wiz and Boomstick. Yes, I'm serious.
Masterelite28- Yes, all ofthem will show up. Omega-Rory...Yeah, Church might need some help with that one. As for those last two suggestions...okay, now that is funny to think about. XP
Pedroxmv97- And horror stories will be told of it on both sides of the gate.
Ranger Station Charlie- Thank you!
Amvmaster- Thank you for this idea.
The Richmaster- As you can see, they do.
Mercwiththemouth- The dragon-take down was to be the RvB kind of disappointment, so it still fits. Don't worry, there are always more dragons. Yes, the other agents will get there.
PhillyCh3zSt3ak- I did, this start just after the quest, butbefore Tucker's pregnancy became painful
Hazzamo- (pretends not to be taking notes)
animefan29- have to wait just one more chapter for that.
Thaqif- Very good ideas for moments. XP And seriously, be patient.
OBSERVER01- Hehe, nice.
Mandalore the Freedom- Hehe, yeah, Badass Church is going to have an interesting reaction to that.
X3N0 1N1V1CT4- Hmm, probably be the last thing on her "before I ascend" bucket list.
Drgyen- They'll have morechances for pet dragons. POV change wish granted!
Leman42x- Yes, yes, yes, many of them will be in here.
New Universe Returns- That poor, poor princess
helkil- done
Mugiwara N0 Luffy- Yes, Wash will show up.
Bruto22- I wish.