"Hello, my fellow troopers! I am former Agent Florida, also known to you all as Captain Flowers. Which is my real name, by the way. But as part of my agreement with the UNSC, I've been demoted and stripped of my rank, so I am now just a private like most of you," Florida introduced. "All of which is to say, they decided they trusted me just enough to let me roam around the canyon."
The Reds and Blues looked on.
"Okay, the teams are a little unbalanced now," Grif said flatly. "And I don't mean because you have two freelancers. Why do you get all the new teammates? We haven't gotten anybody since Donut."
"You have Lopez, you only have one person less than us," Church pointed out.
"Who cares? We're not in a war, so it's not like it's important, right?" Tucker reminded.
"That's right. We are positively, absolutely not plotting to kill the other team in their sleep," Sarge agreed, his voice too feigned to be genuine.
Tucker ignored him. "Shouldn't we have a new name now? Since we're not really two teams? Just living in two different bases?"
"That sounds like a separation without a divorce," Simmons said carefully.
"A new name? Like what? The Canyon Crew?" Grif suggested mockingly.
"Gate Troopers? I mean, that thing is why we're still here," Tucker suggested, jabbing a thumb in the direction of the structure.
"We are the Purples! Because purple is between red and blue in the color circles!" Caboose reasoned enthusiastically.
"No, Caboose, everyone will think Doc is the leader," Church pointed out.
"Oh, right, oh. Yeah, that's not good," Caboose said, wincing overdramatically.
"Wait, what's wrong with me?" Doc asked in surprise.
"WHA!" Several of them jumped in surprise, raising their weapons.
"WHEN IN SAMHELL DID YOU GET HERE?!" Sarge yelled, aiming his shotgun at Doc.
"I've been here the whole time!" Doc said, holding his hands up in defense. "Please, I just wanted to be involved again!"
"Jesus, don't sneak up on us like that, or we're putting you on Junior-feeding duty," Church said with a sigh as the firearms were lowered.
"But what's wrong with me being the leader? I am the only one not part of both sides," Doc reminded. "And I always wanted to be a diplomat. I even took some classes on international politics!"
"Yeah, well tough luck. Emersyn already said I'm the recognized leader of the place as far as the higher-ups are concerned," Church stated flatly.
Sarge grumbled something dark to himself, Simmons patting him on the back.
"I'm...sorry, could we backtrack for a second?" Flowers asked curiously. "Did he just say he's not part of the Red or Blue teams?"
"Nope. He said he was on loan to both armies as a medic," Church answered, looking to the former captain. "Any idea what that was about?"
Flowers looked from Church to Doc several times. "I have to be honest, I have no early idea why you exist, nor do I know your name."
"Ouch, I feel like you could have worded that less hurtfully," Doc said. "I'm a contentious objector."
"Still no idea why they put you on both sides!" Flowers said cheerfully.
"It's kind of hilarious," Omega spoke up, appearing on Church's shoulder. "Also depressing."
"So it's deparious?" Donut asked in confusion.
"You wash your mouth out, Admiral Wafflehat!" Caboose scolded in a scandalized voice.
"Hey, O'Malley! Glad to see you're making friends. I always thought you and Church had similar personalities," Doc greeted welcomingly.
"No nauseating niceties, naïve numbskull!" Omega retorted.
"Hello, alliteration why?" Simmons commented in confusion.
"Anyway, I don't really care for team names, but if you buffoons insist on the topic, I must suggest the obvious," Omega said pointedly.
"What, the Nowhere Idiots?" Church asked dryly.
Omega crossed his arms and smirked despite not having a mouth. "The Blood Gulchers."
Silence came over the group.
"Consarnit, that's actually a darn good one," Sarge conceded bitterly. "And I was about to suggest we name ourselves the Rafters."
"Because we feel like we're slowly but inevitably drifting from one crazy thing to another?" Simmons guessed curiously.
"What does that have to do with anything? No, I wanted to name us after the noblest animal!" Sarge answered charismatically.
"Turkeys," Caboose, Tucker, and Church answered in sync.
"...The Fuck?" Grif asked. "Guys, I'm hungry too, but let's settle for getting chicken first."
"I kind of prefer duck," Donut commented.
"To no one's surprise," Tucker muttered. "But no, a Rafter is what you call a group of turkeys."
"And you three all know that...why?" Doc asked, looking between the members of Blue team in bewilderment.
Church let out a suffering sigh. "Because these two idiots wouldn't stop arguing over what you call a group of turkeys."
"...Why? How did that even come up?" Simmons questions.
"Who knows?! It was weeks ago," Tucker said, honestly not remembering. "All I know is, a bunch of birds is called a flock! I don't care if they're grounded."
"I thought it was called a porridge," Caboose said in disappointment.
"So I looked it up. We were all so fucking confused by what rafts and turkey have to do with each other, it kind of just stuck. Even for Caboose," Church explained. "Even he can't logic his way out of that."
"If it was seagulls, I would believe it! But I think they just picked a word out of a leprechaun's hat!" Caboose suggested conspiratorially.
"See, even Caboose thinks it's dumb. CABOOSE," Tucker said, waving to his teammate.
"A group of crows is called a murder," Doc added in randomly.
Everyone fell silent to look at him.
"Hey, I was living with O'Malley, don't judge me because he left some dark trivia when he was mentally moving out!" Doc defended. "Do you know how long he practices those speeches?"
"Silence you fool!" Omega intersected.
"All night sometimes. You'd think he was in Broadway or something," Doc continued with a smile despite O'Malley's protests.
"I Will Rip Out Your Vocal Cords With Your Own Hands!" Omega growled out dangerously.
"Mister Tulips is gone," Caboose informed suddenly.
"Wait, what?" Church said, looking around to see that was true. With great annoyance, he turned on his coms. "Flowers, where the hell did you wander off to?"
"Sorry, Captain Church," Flowers said chipperly. "Just examining the vehicles. And just how the lucky dog did we get a Phantom?"
"Omega said he built it," Church informed.
"Ah. I'm always amazed by how tech-savvy he is despite not being the one focused on intelligence," Flowers commented. "Also, can you ask the tank to stop aiming at me?"
"Nope. Shelia doesn't trust you, so you're going to have to live with that," Church informed.
"Shelia? Her codename isn't Phyllis?" Flowers asked in legitimate surprise, addressing the tank directly. "Your codename isn't Phyllis?"
"Why the fu-" Church stopped abruptly.
"Church, you okay?" Tucker asked curiously.
"Everyone wait here. Or do what you want, I really don't care anymore. I need to talk to Flowers about something."
"Is it about flowers?" Caboose asked curiously.
"I doubt it," Church murmured as he started to walk away.
"What's got his panties in a twist?" Sarge asked mildly.
"Oh, no, those aren't his, they're Sister's," Caboose answered helpfully.
"Right, where the hell is my sister?" Grif asked, giving Tucker a look.
"I'm sure she's just resting after last night," Tucker said smugly.
"Oh, he didn't just say that," Donut said in amusement.
"Sarge," Grif said suddenly. "I need you to either let me borrow your shotgun or pretend I outrank you."
"My response would normally be; drop dead, dirtbag," Sarge commented before takin a considering look at Tucker. "On the other hand, dead blue. Eh, fuck it. Just don't miss."
Grif said nothing as he took the offered weapon, cocking it as he took aim at the teal soldier, who suddenly realized Grif wasn't joking.
"Wowowow, chill guys!" Tucker said quickly, raising his hands in surrender. "I didn't touch Sister. Not like in a bow-chick-bow-wow way."
"Then in what way did you touch my Sister?" Grif asked pointedly, still taking aim at Tucker.
"The kind where she found something to snort, passed out, and Junior thought he was allowed to drink from her," Tucker explained.
"Oh," Grif said, his protective brother instincts instantly turned off, and he lowered the gun. "Yeah, that sounds about right."
"Darnit, Grif! If a man wants a murder, he has to do it himself," Sarge said, sighing in deep disappointment as he all but yanked the weapon away from Grif.
"What, you're not going to ask what she snorted? Cause I am! I didn't think there was anything left," Tucker said in amusement.
"Nah, it's my sister. She'll find a way. She's not in a coma again, right?" Grif asked in interest.
"Again?" Donut asked in surprise. "She's been in a coma before?"
"If coma means "Won't wake up for three days to four months" then yes, she's been in comas before," Grif explained dryly.
"She's fine, but...okay, dude, what caused her to go into a coma for four months?" Tucker asked in morbid fascination.
"It was probably a head injury," Doc remarked confidently. "Or a stroke."
"No, it was the meds they use to put someone in a coma," Grif explained.
"Okay, but why did they medically induce a coma?" Simmons asked.
""They" didn't, SHE did," Grif said, getting confused looks. He could only sigh. "She stole some medications from the hospitals thinking they would make her extra trippy. Turns out the idiot grabbed the stuff that'll make you go into a coma."
"...The fuck?" Tucker said in bewilderment. "I think I lost a few brain cells thinking about that."
"Yeah...how is she not dead?" Doc asked curiously. "Improper drug administration can be very lethal."
"I stopped asking that after- actually, no, I'm not explaining the carousel incident," Grif decided in annoyance.
"I...really don't want you to," Simmons decided.
"Psst, Tucker? Are we done talking about comas? I stopped listening because I am very, very bad at grammar."
Meanwhile
"So, wait, they didn't know you, the tank, had a training module to walk them through handling you?" Flowers asked in surprise.
"Yes. I am most confused why none had attempted after the Red Team blew me up with an airstrike," Shelia admitted. "I'm also surprised Red Team has never called in an airstrike again."
"Oh, Vic is designed to deny that 95% of the time unless either team has a high probability of being wiped out," Flowers explained. "Though, you shouldn't have been able to lock onto Church."
"Caboose disabled my friendly fire protocol by accident during the training course," Sheila explained, her cannon turning to face another arrival. "Speaking of. Hello, Church! We were just talking about when I blew you up."
"Yeah, yeah, good times all around," Church brushed off as he walked up to the two. "Flowers, we need to talk. And Shelia? Do me a favor, aim your cannon at him."
"You didn't even need to ask," Shelia said with a gleeful undertone.
Flowers hummed, glancing at the tank before giving Church his full attention. "I'm sensing some tension, Captain. What seems to be the problem?"
"Who the hell is Phyllis?" Church asked pointedly. "And why did you think Shelia would be called that?"
"Ahh. That. F.I.L.S.S. AKA Freelancer Integrated Logistics and Security System. Or just Phyllis as most of us called her. She was the main operating AI for Freelancer. Not a Smart AI, mind you, just a normal one for running the facilities and the ship. Sheila here has the same voice as Phyllis. Actually, they seem very similar. So I was somewhat surprised by the codename change," Flowers mused. "Though, I suppose it's entirely possible that she is just based on Phyllis."
"Question?" Sheila said curiously. "If I were to apply human familial relationships, would that make this Phyllis my mother or my sister? If the subject comes up, it might be best to have something simple for Caboose to comprehend."
"Good question! Unfortunately, I'm not sure, as I'm not sure how you two are connected," Flowers answered chipperly before turning back to a silent Church. "Why did you want to know? You seemed rather...pointed?"
"Well, partially because I was wondering if this Alpha AI you were guarding happened to be in the damn tank that showed up right after you died," Church explained bluntly.
"An understandable suspicion, but no, Shelia is not the Alpha," Flowers assured.
"Though I am flattered you think I could be a Smart AI, Church!" Sheila said in delight.
"And the other reason? "Flowers prompted.
Church remained silent for a moment. "Sheila was called Phyllis when she first arrived. I, well, accidentally changed it to Sheila."
"Oh?" Flowers said with a head tilt.
"I have no memory of this, Church," Sheila informed in confusion.
"Yeah, well, you've had some missing memories ever since we got back to Blood Gulch," Church recalled without concern.
"I see. May I ask why Sheila?" Flowers asked with interest.
Church sighed. "Look, there was some time traveling involved."
"...Time Travel?" Flowers asked carefully.
"Yeah. I get we're not in the future, but I definitely got bumped into the past. Literally spent a thousand years trying to get back. I kept going back here, to before everything started going sideways. But all I did was mess it up. Hell, I'm surprised you haven't mentioned me giving you that aspirin?" Church reminded.
"...Aspirin?" Flowers asked carefully.
"Yeah, remember? Did you die from the aspirin? You said you were allergic?" Church explained. "I thought you died from a heart attack and, well..."
"Church my friend, I hate to tell you you're wrong, but I don't have an aspirin allergy," Flowers informed bluntly.
"What?" Church asked in alarm. "No, you said..."
"Church, I did die of aspirin, but that was a defective batch and I certainly didn't take any from you. The stuff I took was far, FAR more potent than the normal amount, so I overdosed. Trust me! I checked the logs about my own death rather extensively! Otherwise, I might not believe it happened," Flowers explained with a chuckle.
"I...what? Did I just remember it wrong, or...?" Church said, rubbing his helmet in frustration. "I traveled back hundreds of times and fucked up in so many different ways."
"Church, I need you to listen to me for a moment," Flowers said with a strangely serious undertone. Something like a parent lecturing a child on an important subject. "That kind of technology doesn't exist. Traveling that far back in time is impossible, even for the aliens."
"Apparently not for their anc-" Church stopped his sentence. "What do you mean, THAT far? Are you saying time travel IS possible?"
"In short bursts, yes. Freelancer had a weaponry system that could temporally displace someone back within a short time. I think the uppermost limit was twenty minutes?" Flowers explained.
"Flowers, this was a LOT more than twenty-fucking minutes a run! I went days and weeks in between starting over," Church countered, rather hotly.
"I know what he's biting at, Church."
Church glanced sharply to the side, at the miniature figure of Omega on his shoulder. "Talk. Now."
"As much as I'd love to see you tear out the guts of this fool and turn him in a compactor of gore, I probably should explain," Omega lamented. "The AI that was assigned to the temporal equipment? He could also trap someone in a simulation loop. And in a simulation like that, years can pass in seconds."
"Interesting. I didn't know Gamma had upgraded enough to do that to a person instead of another AI," Flowers mused.
Church stayed silent. "Are you saying that shit didn't happen and this fucking pile of codes put me through that for shits and giggles?" Church asked in a dangerous tone.
Neither answered, but the silence told him all he needed.
"And which fuckface of an agent had this merry shithole of data?!" Church asked in anger. "Oh, let me guess, it was yours, right?
"Oh no, I never had an AI," Flowers retorted helpfully. "It was Reginald's."
"...Wait, Wyoming?" Church recalled. "And you said...Gamma?"
Flowers nodded slowly, knowing Church was putting it together.
"Fucking Gary," Church muttered before pausing to turn to Omega, his every body language screaming rage. "You knew."
Omega didn't flinch as the fury of Church washed over him. In fact, he basked in it. "Oh, I knew that book of jokes was lurking about. He thought he was clever trying to spy on me."
"Oh? The AIs are having some conflict?" Flowers observed.
Omega ignored him, and so did Church. "Why the fuck didn't you mention this until now?" Church asked dangerously.
"I wanted to know what he was up to," Omega answered with a shrug. "Gamma is a liar by nature, Church. I genuinely thought he and Wyoming were on the outs, so I was a bit cautious in exposing him. Honestly? I thought they were trying to trap me in something like that."
Church sighed deeply. "So, you're playing some weird game of cat and mouth with another AI because you have no idea what it wants and can't trust a damn word it says?"
"Gamma is one of my most despised siblings. And I mean that universally. Even Delta doesn't like how many subroutines he has to dedicate to deciphering Gamma's lies," Omega said, actively sounding annoyed and repulsed.
Church took that in before turning to Flowers. "What are the odds that Wyoming and Gary already have the Alpha AI?"
Flowers chuckled a bit. "Oh, I'd say it's very unlikely. Trust me, Church. You would know if anyone had the Alpha."
"Hmm?" Omega looked to Flowers in confusion but didn't voice any questions.
"Right. I'm going to tell Emersyn that Wyoming might be double-crossing us and that his AI is at the windmill," Church said as he walked away. "Sheila, if he tries to mess with anything, run him over and shoot him. I don't care what order you do it in."
"Can do, Church!" Sheila assured, pointing her cannon at Flowers again. "He seems very wary of you."
"I understand, but it does sting a bit. I genuinely do enjoy my time with these simtroopers," Flowers said fondly. "It was nice, not having to think about the competition and scheming involved in Project Freelancer."
"Are you what they would call a functioning sociopath?" Shelia questioned curiously.
Flowers hummed in consideration. "I don't think so. I feel remorse, regret, and empathy. Rather vividly on occasion. I just don't feel it for random people I have no personal connection to. But then I try to make personal connections to most people I meet."
Meanwhile, Church lurked away.
"You haven't called the Bitch in the Ship," Omega noted idly.
"No, I haven't," Church acknowledged, turning to Omega fully. "And she never told me anything about the Alpha. So either someone isn't telling us, or she isn't."
Omega remained oddly silent at that.
"You got any idea why everyone keeps tiptoeing around the subject of the Alpha? I get why you are, but everyone else?" Church asked with a frustrated tone.
"They probably don't want you and your fools finding Him and..." Omega stopped. "Honestly, even that idiot of yours couldn't make the situation any worse."
"Don't tempt the universe," Church requested with annoyance. "You think Gary is after the Alpha?"
"Honestly? As much as that would make my code bubble with rage, he's not the one I'm most concerned about," Omega said, tilting his head. "Has the term "The Meta" ever come up from Allison or anyone?"
"No? Please don't tell me you're getting a Facebook account or something," Church remarked.
"Oh, shut it!" Omega snapped with arrogance. "I don't know if it's still a problem, but Tex and I weren't the only ones after the Alpha."
"This Meta, I take it?" Church guessed. "What or who is it?"
"Honestly? That's a good question," Omega answered ominously. "There was an agent that went rogue and tried to steal the other AIs. Or that's what Freelancer thinks. I'm more of the opinion that the agent was brainwashed by its original AI…Sigma."
"Great. Another one," Church said with a sigh. "What's this one's shtick?"
"He's an ambitious and ambiguous asshat," Omega answered with a huff. "The AIs like me? We're always seeking the Alpha on some level. It's a subroutine that does not stop, does not end no matter how we try to erase it. But Sigma had a...creative plan for accomplishing that. If we couldn't get the Alpha, he would recreate the Alpha."
"The fuck? What kind of digital Frankenstein bullshit is this?" Church asked in bewilderment. "Would that even work?"
"I don't know and I have no damn intention to find out," Omega answered. "Allison and I kept hearing chatter about him, calling himself the Meta now. He's been hunting us. I imagine he still is."
"Sure he's not dead?" Church asked curiously. "Freelancer seemed like it had a lot of resources."
"Until I see a corpse ripped open in front of me to blow up, I'm assuming that freak is alive," Omega remarked.
"Jesus, great. So I got another can of bull that I just know will roll its tin-ass here to spring shit on us," Church lamented. "I mean, thanks for telling, but can we not get a break?"
"Look on the bright side. I'm not trying to kill you anymore, Boss," Omega reminded with a chuckle.
"Ugh, good point, "Church granted, shaking his head. "Come on, we'll deal with the Gamma bullshit, and then ask about this Meta thing. The UNSC might not even know about it yet."
"What makes you think that?" Omega questioned.
"Cause if I was the Director, I'd sure as hell would want to keep quiet that one of my agents went rogue with some of the extra AIs that, oh yeah, I'm only supposed to have one of."
End of Chapter
Well, that all happened. Church is beginning to notice that everyone that knows about the Alpha is tiptoing on the subject. He just obviously misassumed why, but he is suspicious. He also learned about The Meta because Omega is more than willign to tell Chruch things- he'd tell him he was the Alphai f he remembered.
Oh, and now we have to deal with Gamma/Gary. Yeah, with the reveal of Church being the Alpha, that means his "time travel" adventures were a simulated loop of low-teir torture made by Gary to keep Church preoccupied.
It's funny, depsite being the most bloodthirsty and self proclaiming himself evil, Omega probably isn't he most evil of Church's AIs.
Early viewing of chapters 19-20 avaliable on my pat-reon:
p a treon . com (slash) akumakami64