(Scenes from Legends of Tomorrow Season 3, Episodes 12 and 13)
The race for the remaining Zambesi totems has commenced. So far, the Legends have Air and Spirit, both of which are respectively attained by Miss Tomaz and Miss Jiwe. The latter's oldest granddaughter has Water. The sixth is still unknown since the latter is familiar with the first five. So, their next focus is on Fire and Earth. Dr. Palmer has located the Fire Totem in 2018 Detroit, where a Dr. Adam Macalester—the boyfriend of the present-day Vixen/Miss Jiwe's youngest granddaughter—has been studying the totems. Mr. Rory warns against telling the astrophysicist's idea to Captain Lance since she's taking the night off. After snooping through her phone—a pastime he does with everyone's phones—he uncovers some intel. She has a date with someone she has been texting.
"Who's the guy," a guileless Dr. Palmer asks.
"Obviously, it's Ava," Miss Jiwe surmises. I may have forgotten to tell you Miss Tomaz's recent spur was ample.
"Oh, that's hot," an intrigued Mr. Rory remarks.
"What's hot?" The captain breezes into the parlour. She declines the trip to Detroit, so she can take care of "business" back home. Business indeed. She leaves to get ready for her night out. Sometime later, she's attired in a red form-fitting dress and dropped off in 2018 Star City. From what I've gathered, she and Agent Sharpe have dinner reservations at a bistro.
I usher the rest of the Legends to 2018 Detroit. Miss Jiwe muses over an image of her heroine granddaughter, Miss Mari McCabe, on the central console. She divulges to Miss Tomaz her wish to see her, yet she knows doing so will screw up history. The former then admires the latter's new hairstyle. Both Drs. Palmer and Heywood concurrently enter the bridge with bad and good news. Mr. Rory stumbles behind the former, delivering the bad news. Damien Darhk now has the Fire Totem. The megalomaniac is petty enough to leave them a note:
Dear Legends, now I have two.
Conversely, the good news is that the historian has pinpointed the Earth Totem's current location: on the pirate Blackbeard's ship Queen Anne's Revenge. The team debates whether to go after it without messing the timeline up and potentially ruining Captain Lance's date. I advise them the responsible choice would be to obtain her consultation. They expectedly have me plotting a course to 1717 Bahamas. While the others prepare for the mission, I notify the captain of their poor judgment via a phone call. Somebody had to.
Parking the Waverider in the middle of the Bermuda Triangle is extremely grievous. I'm experiencing a Level 4 systems failure. We also can't reach Mr. Rory and Miss Jiwe through the comms. Having reembarked after a brief period, Drs. Palmer and Heywood help Miss Tomaz fight to restore its power. She apprises the immediate decision of time-jumping to somewhere else. Although this will entail leaving our "pirates" behind, Dr. Palmer is confident they can protect themselves against Blackbeard and his men. Dr. Heywood requests the chances of them surviving in the Bermuda Triangle. I rebut with a flat-out "Zero." Can a timeship on low power handle a cannonball attack as well? Absolutely not. I precisely tell them coming here was a bad idea. Without any further alternatives, we bolt out of there. Guess where we land in? "Please tell me that the Waverider did not just crash into Star City," Captain Lance gripes over her phone.
"Star City," Miss Tomaz repeats. "Is that where we are?"
"You've got to be kidding me."
"Well, the good news is the cannonball didn't hit the time-core," Dr. Palmer contributes. The ship is battered with occasional sparks and exposed wires dangling above. "And Nate made a beautiful landing."
"Thanks, big guy." Dr. Heywood inquires, "So, Sara, how's the date going?"
She mutters, "It's over." We've officially ruined the captain's date. Her exasperation simmers as she marches her way to the bridge. "When I left, you were headed for Detroit."
"It's a really long story," Dr. Palmer overstates. Dr. Heywood concisely rehashes everything that happened. "I just thought it was gonna be a longer story."
Miss Tomaz returns and acknowledges her arrival. "Thank goodness you're back. You look great by the way. The engine room is a disaster. We're not going anywhere." A tangled cluster of wires descends from the ceiling.
The captain groans, "I don't know who looks more ridiculous: you guys in your pirate britches or me in this stupid dress."
"Definitely them," Miss Tomaz snarks.
"Hey, I know it looks a mess," Dr. Heywood explains, "but we really wanted you to have a nice night out."
Dr. Palmer advocates, saying, "If you really like that mean Time Bureau lady, you shouldn't give up on her."
"The only thing I may be giving up on is believing that I'll ever have a normal life." She disregards her thoughts and resumes her duties. "Zari, get the ship back in fighting style. Until then, Rory and Amaya are on their own." Miss Tomaz spends nearly two hours repairing the ship.
While Captain Lance changes her clothes, Drs. Heywood and Palmer monitor the timeline in the parlour. They inform her that another anachronism has been detected in 1717. The HMS Fortitude has gone into a naval battle with Queen Anne's Revenge off the coast of Grace Island. I show her a portrait of the ship's admiral: Damien Darhk. Aware of this, she insists on getting it back into flight. I object returning to the Bermuda Triangle. To say it did a number on me is an understatement. On top of the list of grievances, Agent Sharpe portals on board in her uniform and that rigid bun.
"Ava, hey," the captain greets with a quick smile.
"Don't 'hi, Ava' me." She is none too pleased to see her. "You stood me up, jerk."
"Awkward," the space scientist voices. Enough said. He and Dr. Heywood cower behind the central console to avoid getting involved in the ensuing conflict.
"I gotta hand it to you, Miss Lance," the representative angrily says. "You've taken the phrase 'dine and dash' to a whole new level."
"Look, the Waverider fell out the sky," the captain justifies. "My team needed help."
She scoffs, "Why doesn't that surprise me?" Oh, great. She's back to thinking we're idiots. However, Ava's entrance has managed to inspire the historian. His best friend catches on and leaves to fetch his nanite gun. They use her time courier to travel to 1717 Grace Island.
"You know, this was never gonna work," Captain Lance stresses.
"Why, because I'm a mature person who actually can communicate?" Agent Sharpe antagonistically bumps her shoulder against her as she roams into the parlour.
"Oh, really. Such a communicator," the captain argues. "Like when you said you were going to the bathroom?"
"What are you talking about?"
She walks up to her, elucidating, "You think I didn't see Gary?" Does he follow her everywhere?
"Oh my—Rip broke into the Time Bureau." He what? "I was coming back to the table to tell you."
"You know, this is pointless. We should've never tried to be normal." The argument feeds Captain Lance's irritation more. "I'm not normal, all right? I'm never gonna be normal, and I'm not gonna be normal for anyone."
The emissary proclaims, "I don't want you to be normal!" This renders the captain speechless.
"You don't?"
"Hell no." They promptly yield to their mutual feelings. Amid this, they have ignored the open portal to 1717. Upon reopening her eyes, Agent Sharpe urgently pulls away.
"What?"
"The kiss was great. It's just..." She swings Captain Lance around to show her Blackbeard and his crew invading the ship. The portal closes after they've embarked.
The swashbuckler declares, "We claim this ship and ye two women as ours!"
"Come on," the high-flyer moans.
The captain quickly arms herself with a flute. "Hey." She tosses a wooden cane to her new fighting partner. Back-to-back, they're ready to take them down. "Let's do this." The two parties engage in battle, though Blackbeard is hardly a participant.
"Come on, you namby-pamby," he bellows. "They're mere lassies." Two lassies who defeat four male pirates in combat one by one. As he fails to increase morale in his crew, he observes their opponents' mastery. "Surprisingly powerful." Soon enough, they have the yellow-bellied Blackbeard at the neck. "You two bonnie lasses be the best fighters I've e'er seen." They glance at the other, silently agreeing with him. "How would you like to join me crew?" They inched closer to him. No thanks. After the Legends reconvened, Miss Jiwe accompanies Blackbeard to the airlock. "The Waverider, ey? She's... an unusual ship," he considers. "But I cannot think of a more appropriate vessel for the Dread Pirate Jiwe." He expresses gratitude for saving him from being "keelhauled" by Captain Lance and Agent Sharpe. She reciprocates for leading her to the Earth Totem before imposing the unnerved buccaneer into spreading word about how she spared him. He promises and bids her farewell with a hat tip.
In the library, Dr. Heywood is awed by the "cursed treasure". He sees Miss Jiwe and apologizes for costing her Spirit Totem. She bears no ill will towards him; her birthright dictates her path like a compass. Calling its loss "freeing", she wields her sword and aims it at his neck prior to snapping a button off his top. Foreplay.
Captain Lance and Agent Sharpe are having rum floats in the galley. Since they forewent dessert, it's the next best thing. When the captain set the bottle of rum down on the counter, the wording on the label changes from "Captain Godfree Spiced Rum" to "Captain Jiwe Spiced Rum". She smirks at the sudden alteration. "Huh."
"What?" The latter diverts her attention to the bottle.
"Sometimes, we screw things for the better." We do.
"I'll drink to that. Cheers." They clink glasses. She savors another sip of her float.
"Hey, look, I'm sorry about bailing you earlier. I should have been honest about what was going on with my team..."
"No, I should've never put the kibosh on talking shop."
"You're right. It's your fault," she quips.
"You...," the regent smirks. "Besides, I'd fight pirates with you any day than sit in some stupid restaurant."
"Well, in this case, I was thinking Genghis Khan for our second date?"
"Done... but only if I can call you Peter Pan." Tell me she's joking.
"Don't."
"Miss... Miss..."
"Don't." The captain holds a finger close to her lips. They simply can't stop teasing each other.
"So, you got a room on this ship?"
Taking the hint in spades, Captain Lance banters, "Let's go find out." As they have a "special tour", Mr. Rory joins Dr. Palmer in the lab over beer. Remorseful about using his nanite gun on Miss Darhk, the latter is conducting an antidote for her. He recounts meeting her teen self not long ago. He believes she can change deep down, citing the arsonist/novelist as exemplary. Once the antidote is perfected, he flies the jumpship to 1717 Bahamas. Dr. Palmer's nobility, albeit irreproachable, is going to get him into trouble.
Captain Lance and Agent Sharpe's first date ended on a boisterous note. The next morning, those two grinning blondes are chuckling over breakfast in the galley. The former is having a large bowl of fruit salad. I offer the agent another round of French toast after indulging the first platter. "You know, Gideon," she responds, "I think I'll have some more of your amazing French toast." Coming right up.
"You must've worked up an appetite last night," the captain reveals. She playfully bumps her with her bum as she saunters by to grab her ready-made plate.
"Sara, can we take the Waverider to where Mount St. Helens erupted," Miss Tomaz questions as she makes her entrance. "I've always wanted to—" She stops mid-sentence when she discovers not only does the captain have company, but who it is. "Psych. That would not be a cool thing to do. This is a, uh, very important time vehicle. We...we would never use it for recreational or dangerous purposes." She flashes a smile as she greets Agent Sharpe and notices her wearing yesterday's clothes.
"Hey, Zari."
Captain Lance notices something is amiss as she peers at the sink. "Why are there so many dirty dishes? Ray loves doing dirty dishes." Uh-oh.
"Yeah," Miss Tomaz states, "I haven't heard him spewing the neurological benefits of putting butter in his coffee."
"Gideon, where's Ray," the captain asks.
"I don't know," I nervously reply, "but we are being hailed from the Time Bureau." Ava chokes on her toast upon learning her workplace is calling. I don't want to tattle on Dr. Palmer about his secret mission. Then again, the captain doesn't need to know. Whoever is phoning from the Bureau might've done me a favor.
"Put 'em on." I transmit the call to the monitor in the Galley. It's Agent Green. Oh joy.
"Hello, Legends," he addresses, "and, uh, Agent Sharpe." He looks surprised to see her there.
"What is it, Gary," the latter sighs.
"This was, uh, just delivered to us." He holds up a dusty bottle which I suspect is from 1717. "T-there was a-a Palmer Tech phone hidden inside with a message recorded on it." He forwards the video to me, and I play it. Dr. Palmer has been held hostage by the Darhks. Ironically, none of them knew he left excluding me. The one time I don't want to be right. He declares that, if the Legends try to come and find him, Damien Darhk will kill him. So, he tells them not to.
Regardless of the indirect threat, a resolute Captain Lance and Agent Sharpe are scanning through the timeline for possible leads. An unannounced time portal opens in the bridge, exposing ex-Director Hunter and Mr. Wallace West. "What the hell are you doing here," the agent verbally accosts her former superior.
The captain agrees, "Ditto."
"I thought you said they'd be psyched to see us," a discontented Mr. West says to the Bureau fugitive. It's not you they're minding.
He grasps his newest accomplice's shoulder, self-consciously laughing at the uncomfortable situation. He then appeals to his favorite and cross protégées. "Look, I know what you're both thinking, but if you'd let me explain—"
"If you're here to apologize for burgling the Bureau and... and... and humiliating Gary," Agent Sharpe reproaches.
"Well, we actually did that for a good reason," the speedster rationalizes with a mischievous grin. "To stop 'Mallusk'."
"Mallus," the women correct him in sync.
"Yes, we know all about him," the annoyed operative discloses. "Sara basically met him."
Hunter queries her, "And you're here because the Bureau has finally come to its senses, or..." You've missed quite a lot.
The captain initiates, "Ava and I are..."
"Working together," she interjects, "independently."
"Right. Wally, it's good to see you again. I remember you from Barry and Iris's wedding."
"Yeah, wasn't that fun?" He recalls the ceremony being beautiful, the "meh" hors d'eouvres, and the Nazi invasion, much to Hunter's confusion. Incidentally, the ex-director wants to atone for his secrecy and latest betrayals. Dr. Heywood and Mr. Rory return from a Grateful Dead concert; Dr. Palmer was extended the option, but he isn't there. However, they had a good time, and the latter has Jerry Garcia's sunglasses as a souvenir. The historian explains that light to moderate theft is acceptable on board after Mr. West accuses the arsonist of unlawful theft.
So far, all possible leads for Dr. Palmer are dead ends. Captain Lance instructs Dr. Heywood to hit the history books; me to scan for anachronisms; and Mr. Rory to "do what [he does]", i.e., drink a 6-pack of beer. Agent Sharpe will utilize her resources in the search. She accordingly leaves for the Bureau once she informs them. Miss Jiwe provides her experimental idea: she and Miss Tomaz will channel the ancestral plane through meditation and the Air totem. Mr. West bids to contribute since he has been doing that as of late. The captain gives the trio her endorsement.
Miss Jiwe brews the Lyoga root into tea for them to possibly lead them to her Spirit totem as well as Dr. Palmer. Mr. West burns some incense to calm them as he will guide them. She asks him how he knows Dr. Heywood. He answers, "I was his wingman back in Central City. Just helped him get over a broken heart. Some basic *itch dumped him on his birthday." He flippantly overlooks how perturbed the totem wielders are. "Can you believe that?"
"Yeah, I can," Miss Jiwe rebukes, "because I was that basic *itch." Realizing too late that he stuck his foot far into his mouth, he speedily rescinds his part in the vision quest. It's better that way.
No changes in the anachronism map are discovered for the last half hour. Dr. Heywood is also deadlocked. Captain Lance unleashes her anger by constantly throwing her ninja star at a portrait of Damien Darhk. A uniformed Agent Sharpe joins her in the parlour. "So, things are getting worse at the Bureau. Bennett is so stubborn. He's refusing any meetings with Rip that don't involve shackles," she divulges. She wittingly apologizes for slighting Dr. Palmer's abduction. "How have you been holding up?" The answer she receives is self-explanatory. "Mutilating photos of your nemesis. Got it. Well, at least our nonverbal communicative skills are off to a good start."
The captain gives herself a break, underscoring, "Everything we're doing to find Ray turns up empty."
"You're gonna get Ray back, I promise."
The boost of encouragement buoys her among other things. "Can we have a little bit more nonverbal communication?" They share an intimate moment, which a nosy Hunter observes. I reiterate when I say he has missed a lot. Sometime later, the Waverider detects a time-quake. Someone blew a hole in the Berlin Wall 27 years too early. The captain sees this as a smoke signal from Dr. Palmer. That said, it severely unravels the temporal zone. "Gideon, plot a course for 1962 East Berlin." Aye, aye.
Once we got there, Mr. West whisked our chippy scientist back on board. He also misses his dirty dishes and is confused about seeing Hunter again. The Darhks wanted him to repair the Fire totem... which our speedy guest has pickpocketed without their knowledge. Since Dr. Palmer has the formula for cold fusion, he's able to mend the shattered totem. Miss Jiwe and Miss Tomaz's vision quest has provided essential information: the Darhks are creating anachronisms by destroying time. They intend to break Mallus free in the long run. With that, Agent Sharpe instructs me to call Director Bennett in the parlour.
"Make this quick, Agent Sharpe," he demands upon answering. "I've got to stop Alexander Hamilton from seeing Hamilton the musical." I have tickets for that.
"How's it possible that everyone got tickets to that but me," she grumbles. "Director Bennett, we have some developments in the Mallus investigation that you need to be aware of."
"As such as your arresting Director Hunter?"
"I haven't arrested him exactly."
"Look, we've got bigger problems right now than punishing Rip for what happened to those agents."
"I doubt those deceased agents would've agreed with you, Miss Lance." The executive lacks flexibility and patience for this conversation. "Now, place Hunter in those handcuffs this instant or you're all going to—" They watch in horror as the Gorilla Grodd brutally beats him to death. He roars at and stomps on the now-deceased's communications device, ending the call. Captain Lance expresses her condolences though whether he was a good man is questionable. Hunter points out that Agent Sharpe now succeeds the late Director Bennett due to the recent misfortune. "May I return to work... Director Sharpe," he inquires. I may get used to calling her that. The shock from the tragedy combined with her unexpected promotion deprived her of speech. She ultimately sanctions his request.
Dr. Heywood is lifting barbells in the lab. Dr. Palmer takes time from deciphering the formula to thank his friend for his part in the search party. He calls Damien Darhk a "demented supervillain" but defends Miss Darhk when the historian corrects him. Though the astrophysicist denies having "the hots" for her, his hopefulness towards her is more anchored. He is then warned not to get his heart broken. Rightly so.
Captain Lance catches up to Mr. West in the corridor. She commends him for his efforts and asks if he's thinking of staying here. He opts to join the Time Bureau with Agent Hunter. She frivolously accepts his decision, even if he wants to "hang out with a bunch of stiffs instead of the cool kids". He admits that he has rubbed the other Legends off the wrong way. The captain assures him that everyone has done so their first time on the ship. "We're like the all-stars of bad first impressions," she affirms. "I think you'd fit right in."
Agent Hunter and Director Sharpe find them shortly thereafter. "Wally, there you are. Ready to leave?"
"I'm actually going to stay."
The demoted officer smirks, "I was hoping you would."
"Well, I wish we could stay longer," Director Sharpe interposes, "but my boss was just murdered by a gorilla. Not to mention, the mess in Berlin needs fixing."
"Well then, until next time, Captain Lance."
"Until next time, Agent Hunter. Director Sharpe." The captain and Mr. West leave the federal agents alone in the corridor. Déjà vu. Agent Hunter turns to his recently appointed boss simpering after the captain. "So, you and Miss Lance..."
"Hmm?" She clears her throat, no longer spellbound. "I... I think there's something real there. She's... special." Mmhmm. The confident superior doubles back to the Bureau without a second thought.
"So are you," he mutters. "Gideon, delete File 354-Z. Sara can never find out the truth about Ava." As cliché as it sounds, Director Sharpe is unlike any other women. This is coming from a distaff AI.
Captain Lance had executed an injunction for me to overrule his codes. I nonetheless comply, "Yes, Director Hunter." Despite both the Legends and the Bureau's trust in him being uncertain, he'll always have me. He soon exits the ship via portal. Once it vanishes, I can't help wondering how the captain will react if she knows everything about her new flame.