Disclaimer: No pigs or cancerous tumors were harmed in the making of this chapter.
BACON
"Welcome to Home Economics class!" Lunch Rush said. "Before we get cooking, here's the school mascot!" He set a well-groomed potbellied pig on the kitchen counter. "Christopher Pensworth Bacon. Isn't he adorable?"
Everyone cooed at the pig as oinked contentedly and scratched at its ear.
"Wait," Kaminari asked, "I thought Nezu was the school mascot."
A hole opened above Kaminari's head. A robotic arm yanked him through.
"I'll avenge you," Bakugo muttered under his breath.
"Anyways," Lunch Rush said, "The first step to preparing your meal is selecting the right cut."
Before anyone could blink, Lunch Rush slashed a butcher's cleaver through Christopher's gut. The pig squealed and most the students cried in terror as the Cook Hero pulled away a slab of its belly fat.
"First, we have the belly fat. Great in ramen dishes or fried as bacon."
The cleaver carved out a chunk of Chris' hind leg. Koda whimpered and shivered in his seat.
"The hindquarters make a lovely ham once it's smoked."
The cleaver carved out chunks along Chris' spine. Dark Shadow whimpered and hid itself in Tokoyami's cloak.
"Tenderloin towards the top, nice and tender when cooked low and slow."
The cleaver sank lower and carved meat off the ribs. Bone gleamed in the kitchen light. Iida stoically took notes.
"Spare ribs. Excellent roasted on the grill, a bit gristly for other uses. Then last, we have the head!"
The cleaver went through the neck in one slice, slamming into the wooden counter with a solid thunk. Ochako bent over and vomited rainbows.
"Head cheese, of course."
Sero, pale and woozy, unfurled some tape and shakily said, "I think I can fix this. Just have to tape it back together."
"Tape? Nah, he'll be fine, watch."
Christopher's flesh writhed and grew back out, even the head. Christopher smirked at the students.
"Regeneration Quirk. Doesn't even hurt him. He just likes being melodramatic. Right, who wants to try next? I need thirty belly cuts for ramen day."
Koda fell out of his chair, unconscious. Lunch Rush sheepishly said, "Guess we overdid it this year. Uh… anyone else?"
Izuku raised his hand. When he came forward, lasers from his eyes swept over Christopher. "Cancer detected. Initiating surgical removal."
Sawblades and scalpels sprouted from Izuku's body. Christopher's eyes went wide as Izuku carved him up like a pumpkin. Flesh grew back, and Izuku carved it off, faster and faster, his sawblades heating up all the while. Slices of bacon flew fully cooked, ground meat stuffed inside intestinal casings sizzled, and tenderloin steaks flopped onto plates. Piles of succulent meat surrounded every student once Izuku put away his blades and held up a pulsating mass.
With a flash of plasma, he vaporized the tumor. "Cancer neutralized."
As Lunch Rush bemoaned the loss of infinite bacon, Iida said, "I see! It's a tumor with a pig Quirk."
Half the class dropped their food. Kirishima shrugged, asked, "How's it any different from other bacon?" and kept eating.
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